We're back again for yet another day of Pammy goodness. I'm going to skip the formalities this morning and get right to the quotes (if that's okay with you). As always, keep the quotes coming and be sure to included your website(s) so I can give credit. Also, we need a calm Hanna to keep this thing up for the entire day. The winds are already pretty crazy, and the thing is literally going through my backyard, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Your Week Two Announcing Schedule

“If they can get the center or guard to the linebacker, or the second level, at the point of attack....it’s out to the races.”- Chris Spielman

“They’re lead by their offensive line, offensively.”- Mark May

“He’s tired tonight. He did a Soccer game in Dallas last night. It was exciting, there was actually a goal in that game.”- Sean McDonough

"And the ball hit him in the wrong spot that time.....um.....Yeah."- Roland Williams
"What spot was that?"- Tom Hart
"In the old.....uh.....Hands."- Roland Williams
(Via Eric)

A Gameday feature on Tim Tebow?! WTF!!!?! (Via Kyle)

I can't stand ESPN's love with him. They've run that same trip to the Philippines piece about 40 times.

I hate Ohio State, and I hate Pam Ward. The only reason I haven't thrown my remote into the tv is because I'm waiting for Ray to say something entertaining. Only in America. Yes, it's 7 seconds into the game. (Via Charlie)

Hahaha. Tell us how you really feel.

"There's good looking James Laurenitis"- Ray Bentley (Via Anon)

"6' 6" 230 pounds he's not supposed to be able to move like that."- Andre Ware (Via Nick)

Really? That doesn't seem like a lot. Andre Ware is just not good with numbers.

"I guess you can say he's a "Threet" to run."- Dave Pasch (Via Nick)

Terrible.

"Tony Romo, not available today for Eastern Illinois."- Dave Pasch

And to think....I actually used to like Pasch.

"Mike Enyon made headlines when he won the lottery. $250,000"- Pam Ward
"That's a lot of pizza to buy for him and his buddies at Ohio University"- Ray Bentley
(Via Anon)

"Oh Chris, I've missed you so much."- Pam Ward

"Ohio State's first two possessions were 2-and-outs."- Ray Bentley
"And Scott gets it up..."- Pam Ward

Yes! We're getting "Innuendo" Pam today. Oh and someone tell Craig James to settle down....

"Doing things off the field, whether that's pool parties or swimming days."- Ian Allen

"The thing you like to see from a receiver, he goes up and makes that hands catch."- Ray Bentley

"Now Wisconsin has a decision here - take the ball and the yardage or make Marshall rekick 5 yards back" - Charles Davis

This was said immediately after Marshall scored to make it 14-0 and then kicked the ensuing kickoff out of bounds. I don't have the time nor the inclination to explain the many things wrong with that statement. (Via Anon)

"Yeah, let it wing."- Ray Bentley (Via Bazooka Jones)

"He rode that down like a mule."- Rick Walker (Via JG)

"That ball must be riveted to your ribcage."- Mark May

Ummm....okay?

"No man in history has won five consecutive majors in the same major, two different majors."- Dick Enberg on Roger Federer

"This is where they like to play Football."- Andre Ware on Michigan

Ummm....Miami has the ball at the Michigan 12 yard line. I'm pretty sure that's not true. And right on cue....

"You kick a field goal here and you get yourself within another field goal of tying the game"- Andre Ware

The score is 10-3 right now. (Via Anon)

"Right now they have their hands full of bobcats!"- Pam Ward (Via Jared)

DANGER!

"They are having a hard time getting to the Quarterback because of his elusivity."- Ray Bentley (Via Bazooka)

Wow.....just wow.

"You see him look to the right with his eyes right before the snap..."- Ray Bentley (Via Sam)

As opposed to looking with his feet?

"When it goes wrong, you gotta bring the butter."- Rick Walker (Via JG)

"If you're Solich, I think you have to punt this one....oh, wait, it's third down, never mind." - Ray Bentley
"Yeah, this isn't Canada. If we were in the CFL..." - Pam Ward
(Via S2N)

"He was catching everything last week. I can't believe he's dropping easy passes like that." - Ray Bentley
"You think that's an easy pass?" - Pam Ward
"Well, he got his hands up, that's what his hands are for." - Ray Bentley

(Via S2N)

"A 48-yard return...correction, 69 yards."- Pam Ward (Via Kyle)

Not even close and I'm pretty sure that this isn't AJ Trapasso and actually James Lauranitis....



"I tell you what. If I was a bartender, I'd give you no more to drink."- Lou Holtz to Mark May

"In a summer of Batman and Iron Man, we go to my other partner Cart Man."- Brad Nessler

"You have to play physically. Punch em in the mouth and hope they don't punch back. Not physically, but you need to play physically."- Lou Holtz (Via Bazooka)

"The kickoff goes and we're underway, it'll go out of bounds and Oregon State will have great field position."- Brad Nessler
"It was a dud!"- Bob Griese
"Exactly right, it was like lighting a firecracker on the 4th of July and nothing happens!"- Brad Nessler
(Via Anon)

"Can I rent you for New Years Eve, you know your useless information"- Pat Hayden to Tom Hammond (Via Sean)

"That's two for Virginia Tech, they'll have a third and five."- Mike Patrick while calling the ECU-WVU game

"A pickup of 14 moves the change for A&M." - Joe Beninati (Via Steve)

This guy is seriously a freak of nature. Bolt and Asafa Powell were in Brussels today for the much anticiapted re-match to end the Track and Field season. ESPN awesomely decided to show it live during Sports Center and here's the race....

The guy almost fell at the start and still ran the third best time ever (tying Tyson Gay who withdrew from the event). Just unbelievable. I really hope he doesn't get caught up in all of that steroid mess that some of the Jamaican athletes are currently in because the Sport really needs someone as good as (and completely clean).

Oh and if you're wondering who the History Channel-like announcer is, it's Stuart Storey.

Bolt runs 9.77 in cold, wet conditions for win (AP)

The majority of the country is getting a double dose of the Mets-Phillies this weekend, but with Hanna heading up the East Coast it's likely that at least the Saturday game will be rained out. If that's the case then expect the DBacks-Dodgers game on in the areas that had the game.

There's also yet another Josh Lewin sighting and for everyone getting Chris Rose.....I'm sorry. Here's the schedule....

Saturday:

Philadelphia Phillies at New York Mets - Kenny Albert, Tim McCarver & Ken Rosenthal (FOX, 3:55pm, 60%)

MARKETS INCLUDE: Atlanta, Austin, Baltimore, Birmingham, Buffalo, Charlotte, Cincinnati, Columbus, Dallas, Dayton, Fort Myers, Greensboro, Greenville, Hartford, Houston, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Kansas City, Knoxville, Louisville, Memphis, Miami, Milwaukee, Nashville, New Orleans, New York, Norfolk, Oklahoma City, Orlando, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Raleigh, Richmond, San Antonio, St. Louis, Tulsa, Washington, West Palm Beach

Detroit Tigers at Minnesota Twins - Chris Rose & Leo Mazzone (FOX, 3:55pm, 21%)

MARKETS INCLUDE: Boston, Chicago, Cleveland, Detroit, Minneapolis, Portland, Providence, Seattle, Tampa

Arizona Diamondbacks at Los Angeles Dodgers - Josh Lewin & Mark Grace (FOX, 3:55pm, 18%)

MARKETS INCLUDE: Albuquerque, Denver, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Phoenix, Sacramento, Salt Lake City, San Diego, San Francisco

Sunday:

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim at Chicago White Sox - Chip Caray & Buck Martinez (TBS, 2pm)
Philadelphia Phillies at New York Mets- Jon Miller and Joe Morgan (ESPN, 8pm)

(FYI- The current schedule section is back up in the sidebar if you missed any of the skeds this week.)

The USA Network has carried the opening rounds of the U.S. Open for 25 years and has always done an amazing job with the tournament. For one reason or another, the network has decided to focus all attention and resources on its "Characters Welcome" campaign (and will give you more episodes of Law & Order you can handle!) and won't be renewing its TV contract with USTA next year....

The network is giving up sports to focus on its character-driven programming. ESPN and the Tennis Channel will televise from Flushing Meadows for at least the next five years.

For two weeks, USA has been reminiscing over its 25-year history of covering the tournament, replaying moments like the Barbra Streisand “Zen” interview.

The cable change probably won’t make too big a difference to tennis fans — McEnroe & company hop from network to network — but it will be strange without relentless commercials for programs like “The Starter Wife.” (In 1995, the network did so many promos for a made-for-TV thriller called “The Colony,” I broke down and watched it. Let’s just say it was best shown in 60-second snippets.)

Over the years USA has been purging themselves of Sports like the Masters, and after this move they're only left with just the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and RAW (not really Sports, but you get what I'm saying). I understand that $140 Million dollars is a lot of money, and I'm personally not breaking any doors down to watch Burn Notice or Monk, but maybe someone is. I've watched the U.S. Open on the network since I was a kid, so it's definitely sad to see it go to another network, but at least McEnroe and Co. are staying on board.

With that said, I've always been a fan of season ending or year ending montages and this 25-year one ranks up there with the best of them. Especially when you set it to a cover of Steely Dan's "Reelin' In The Years"....

Closing Time for USA Network (NY Times)

Dan Patrick had on Tatum Bell to discuss the whole Rudi Johnson Luggage incident this morning and I promised you yesterday that I'd get the audio for you to listen to and here it is.....

Man, it's really hard not to believe him after that and you have to feel bad for the guy. If it went down as he says, and was an accident, it would be a shame for his career to end on that note. Patrick was right though, that missing money and underwear is what's causing this whole thing to go on. If the other guy, or someone close to him, was the one who took it then he really need to call him out.

Oh and one more thing.....when Bell said, "I never had any baggage. I've never been in any trouble," right after the 3 minute mark, I almost lost it.

Dan Patrick Interviews: Tatum Bell (SI: Dan Patrick)

(Usually) Everyday I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Yesterday's Winners....


"Soak this in, it's the only time you will ever see Olberman on the far right."- Wade Roberston

"These press conferences aren't bad when Peter King isn't here blabbing on and on about coffee, his colon and Mary Beth."- Anon

"Who's sitting on Costas?"- Anon

"HAHAHA HE SAID "MEDAL CUNT"!!!! Play the tape again, play it again!!!"- Anon

"I liked this show better with Charles Nelson Riley and Betty White."- Edward (Match Game! Nice pull.)
_______________________________________

Are you funny enough to create a caption for this photo of [expletive deleted]?


Daily Links:

Yeah, About That West Coast Offense.... (The Sporting Blog)
And Where Was Joe Gibbs Last Night? (From The Marbles)
Laron Landry Meet Brandon Jacobs (KSK)
So Much For That Whole English Speaking Idea That The LPGA Came Up With (Fanhouse)
An Awesome Guide To NFL Tailgating (Slosh Spot)
A Fun NFL Roster Quiz (Mondesi's House)
The Brian Urlacher "Swagger" Commercial (You Been Blinded)
Being A Bengals Fan Is Rough (The Meaningful Collateral)
The Tennis World Needs Someone Like Djokovic (Sports Lounge Blog)
The Football Foodie Has A New Home! (Playing The Field)
Some Highschool Recruiting News (Prep Champs)
Special Teamers Rule! (Yep Yep)
The Best NFL Coaches Ever (Love of the NFL)
Woods, Phelps And Montel In Vegas (With Leather)

This video via Franky at Denseland just had me rolling this morning. A squirrel got loose on the field during the ninth inning of the White Sox- Indians game yesterday and proceeded to amaze and entertain for most of the frame....

That little guy had to be on acid or something, but I really want him as a pet. Hell, the Indians should turn him into a version of the Rally Monkey and start selling little plush versions of him at the ballpark. Oh and the announcer's comment about him playing third in the shift was hilarious. Good times.

Since Tuesday, I've been getting multiple emails asking me why Tony and Wilbon keep popping up randomly during commercial breaks. To answer all of your questions....I don't know why. Here's what I'm talking about....

PTI is the flagship program for the network, and they've been using it to keep people interested in shows like the 6pm Sports Center for awhile. This move seems along those same lines, but doing so with advertisers is just a bit annoying. It's obvious that these are on purpose, and I hate commercials as much as the next person, but this comes across as someone trying too hard.

I think PTI is by far the best show on the network (I think everyone knows that), but ESPN needs to be careful they don't ruin the show with all of this nonsense. The show suffers enough when guest hosts fill-in, and when you start breaking the show up and doing these cut-ins, it's only going to make more people change the channel.