The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week Three

Week three is upon us already everyone and we're ready to go with the PWCs. I'm splitting duties with, your friend and mine, S2N and we've got some great games to cover today. Keep the comments coming early and often.

Your College Football Announcing Schedule: Week Three

Whoa. Some technical difficulties there with the mics going out. That's not good. Oh and that "John Buccigross For President" sign made me chuckle. Oooh and lookie here....an FJM sign...."Lee Corso Is Football's Joe Morgan"....


"Ohio State can't beat USC with singles or doubles hitters; they need home run guys." - Lee Corso (Via S2N)

Ah a baseball reference when you're being compared to Joe Morgan in the crowd.

"They had trouble tackling because they weren't bringing their feet with them." - Ray Bentley (Via S2N)

Hahaha. Now we're cooking.

"The only way you get better is in games, not practice."- Rick Walker (Via Joe)

Are we seriously going to talk about the OSU-USC during every game today ESPN? Good lord...it's only noon.

"You're talking two time zones away, three hours difference"- Andre Ware talking about Cal having problems with the time difference (Via David)

"The holder, Keegan Patterson, couldn't handle the package." - Ray Bentley, after FAU fumbles a field goal snap.

"Ringer spurts free and into the end zone!"- Pam Ward
"All he needed was a small crack to get through."- Ray Bentley

Hopefully this rainy weather brings out the double entendres. (Via Anon)

Me too Anon...me too. The game is certainly boring enough...liven it up Pam!

"Tough to be accurate when you have this much man in your face."- Charles Davis (Via Anon)

Whoa.

Also, forgot to mention the Ohio State-USC game for the 54th time, and Ray Bentley will watch it "at his palatial estate on the lake." (Via Joe)

"Any house is a palatial estate for you, Ray"- Pam Ward

Awwwwww! How sweet.

"Guess that's a tribute to how tall [Colin Kaepernick] is -- he stepped out of bounds at the 3 and they're spotting it at the 1." - D'Marco Farr (Via S2N)

"That's the full fifteen"- Andre Ware on a facemask penalty

There is only the full fifteen now, Andre.

“Great tackle, er, broken tackle by Charles. Gordon finally gets him in the backfield. Gain of 5 for Charles.”- Pam Ward (Via Landon)

I had to read that one a few times to understand it, and my head hurts now.

"I wonder if Jahvid Best's haircut came before or after his 200 yard performance. Might have something to do with his negative one yard today." - Andre Ware
"Speaking of hair, we go to someone who always keeps his hair in good shape, Rece Davis." - Dave Pasch
"I always try to stay well coiffed." - Rece Davis

"You know, if I were Maryland on first down...I would just take a shot. Because its either gonna be a passing interference, completion, or incompletion. No harm done."- Andre Ware

....Or it can be intercepted Andre. (Via Anon)

"Wow! A surge at the end by Joe Surgan."- Dave Armstrong on Navy-Duke game (Via Joe)

Oh man. I just got sent the Cal player puking vid and that is just about the grossest thing I've ever seen. I'll have the video up in a few.

"A little redemption for Dufrene, but not Shawshank."- Rece Davis

"Iowa's starting to shit -- sit! -- on these shorter routes." - Charles Davis (Via Anon)

"We see a bunch of wet stuff coming up from the ground."- Pam Ward

That's called water, Pam! (Via Noah)

"Some would say Chris Turner's hair is muppet'esque, but his play is certainly not."- Dave Pasch

What does that even mean?

"Cal with 3rd and about a forearm"- Dave Pasch

It was 3rd and 25. (Via JG)

"You've got on Costa on offense, one Costa on defense, and both Costas playing good Football for Maryland"- Andre Ware
"I think BOB Costas could have made that sack!"- Dave Pasch

So so lame.

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Hey folks, S2N here to fill in....watching UGA/South Carolina for Verne and Gary action while flipping to UM/ND in commercials.

"You said it before the game started Charles, you really felt like they (Iowa Hawkeyes) NEEEDDED this win today."- Thom Brennaman
"To me it wasn't just needed, they had to have it." - Charles Davis (via Anon)

Final score: 17-5. Ouch.

"Just one offside kick recovery." - Andre Ware

Or an Onside kick, but it's your show - SSReporters

Whatever. It's no match for the Greatness That Is Andre Ware (and I'm adding that tag to this post.)

"...and fans who wish every day would be Saturday." - Verne Lundquist, oh so close to namedropping EDSBS for the second time ever.

"He's a chain-mover, he's a clock-eater." - Gary Danielson, on Knowshon Moreno.

"That's what I call Sheets in the wind." - Brad Nessler (via Interplace55)

"That hole was so big he had to score!" - Paul Maguire (via Anon)

"It's early in the season; you can take a mulligan." - Danielson, on the clock issues during UGA/S. Carolina

On Lou Holtz participating in the coin toss:

Pat Haden: "You think he brought Mark May with him?"
Tom Hammond: "I think he was happy to get away from him." (via Sean)

Zing.

"There is nothing that South Carolina has tried in this game that has been clean at all." - Danielson

"Stephen Garcia, who has missed the two minicamps with alcohol-related issues..." - Lundquist. I know, it's only funny if you hear Verne say it, but "alcohol-related issues" is being delicate.

"I wouldn't want to be the guy responsible for running the play clock." - Lundquist
"It's not that hard. All you have to do is push one button." - Danielson

"both Quarterbacks shown that their wheels aren't that wobbly" Brad Nessler on OB Running (via Interplace55)

Whoa. Just saw the Hail Mary to end the Buffalo-Temple game....DAYUM.

"I just don't believe the fans could have expected a Steve Spurrier team to be this bad on offense." - Danielson. Gary, where have you been? The Cocks have stunk offensively for the past few years, even with Head Ball Coach.

"Moreno gets in touch with his inner Edwin Moses." - Lundquist, showing the highlight of Knowshon hurdling a Central Michigan defender.

These are some incompetent SEC refs handling UGA/S. Carolina:

"Wait a minute, that would be pass interference and a block in the back, both on South Carolina....I'm confused." - Danielson

After the PI call negates the pick, more Gary: "To me, that's rewarding a bad play by Georgia."

"Could you use a couple minutes to recollect yourself?" - Lundquist
"No, I'm ready to go!" - Danielson

Obviously.

"It's kind of a triple option; [Steven Threet] can run the ball or throw that little out to Otis." - Pat Haden. Um, Pat, we're missing an option here. That's two.

"It's simple to shoot a gun. It's difficult to hit a target. That's kind of like [BYU's] offense." - Glenn Parker

"Jimmy Clausen about to take the field again." - Hammond
"Half of his completions have been for touchdowns." - Haden
"How many is that?" - Hammond
"Oh, 50, maybe 53 percent." - Haden

Yikes.

I missed the exact quotes, but Nessler, Griese, and Maguire were talking about Robert Redford for some reason. They're bored.

"Stafford had dinner with Romo, Jessica was not there." - Verne Lundquist

Verne channeling Mike Patrick - JG

"... Skip Holtz's team beating Georgia..."- Tom Hammond, running down the South Carolina game on the ticker (via Anon)

"Looks like there's a fag down in the end zone" - Hammond (via Ryan Huey)

Seriously? Whoops!

"In anticipation of the rain both teams practiced with wet balls this week." - Alex Flanagan (via two different Anons).

I'll leave you all to make the easy jokes about the comely Flanagan and wet balls.

Wow did anyone else see Charlie Weis' knee go out? That thing got destroyed, he probably tore multiple ligaments. That's gonna be a tough recovery for a guy his size. - Jay

Yep, saw that. Came back with that leg wrapped and a crutch before the half.

"I've seen some late night bar bouncers that don't throw people out this hard." - Glenn Parker, on the 245-lb BYU RB Harvey Unga.

That'll show Charlie not to accept Dana Jacobson's apology! She put a voodoo curse on him. - Enrique

Dude, we just had a mind meld. I was thinking about a karma joke right before I refreshed the comments.

Contractually required Texas Lutheran reference for Verne - JG

Do you have the whole quote? I turned away because this game is setting back offensive football.

"Maybe Charlie's protege Tom Brady and he can rehab together." - Pat Haden
"They've been texting each other all week." - Tom Hammond

Pat and Tom are rising in the ranks on this stuff, man.

"[Josh Nesbitt] hit the outside, and look what he did to [the defensive end], it's like a cat and mouse game." - David Norrie, except Nesbitt would be the mouse and the cat missed him. Mixing up metaphors.

"I don't think you go for two here." - Norrie, again after a GT touchdown and they get backed up on a false start on the conversion. The conversion was successful from 7 yards out.

"And Virginia Tech kicks the field goal to go up 9." - Terry Gannon

...umm, the score is 17-9...let's get this basic math right fellas. -Andrew

"How appropriate that the Ducks got help from a Bird [the PR's last name]." - Brad Nessler, after a Janus Byrd return for a TD.
"Well, the bird is in flight for the Ducks." - Nessler, two seconds later before break

(both via NHZ)

"They had me on Drinking with the Stars." - Paul Maguire (via Scumdog)

"The miserable day for UCLA continues." - Joe Beninati, after UCLA misses a figgie wide.

I won't even go into the stupidity of kicking a FG when trailing 59-0 with 11 min left in the 4th. - JG

To say Rick Neuheisel has a lot of work to do is an understatement.

"There are few things worse than being soaking wet and down 35-17." -- Tom Hammond

(giggles)

"Spurrier is showing his frustration on the sideline. And Steve being Steve, he has thrown his pen, his headset and, yes, his visor once." - Tracy Wolfson (via Mal)

Ol' Ball Coach just wishes he had another year of eligibility so he could throw the football instead of Smelley or Garcia.

"South Carolina cannot stop the clock. Except on an incomplete pass." - Verne Lundquist

Or run out of bounds since there is 1:33 left in the game. These guys don't read the rules? - SSReporters

Baseball Bonus Bad Announcing: "Mike Hampton was once recruited to play college football as a defensive back and he just showed some bulldog out there." - Mark Grace, during Braves-Mets (via Bazooka Jones)

"See if Jones caught this play." - Gary Danielson (via SSReporters, who's pretty sure he meant to say "the ball.")

"You're bad luck Verne, you're like the anti-Santa of South Carolina football" - Gary Danielson (via Anon)

We got OT in Oregon-Purdue, which means more Nessler-Griese-Maguire nuttiness.

"Oregon lives to play... well at least for another couple of minutes" - Brad Nessler (via Interplace)
"Blount just banging his way downfield." - Brad Nessler (via SSReporters)
"They cant get a first down here, they have to score." - Paul Maguire (via JG)

Uhh, Paul if the rule is the same as the NFL a touchdown counts as a first down. - JG

Oregon driving...and the OT win for the Ducks.

Feel free to leave Musburger and Herbstreit quotes from the Big Game. I may be in and out -- I'd like to actually put my full attention into being a USC homer.

"Look for number 2 to be inserted." - Kirk Herbstreit referring to Terrell Pryor (Via SS)

"Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you better." - Mike Patrick (Via Anon)