We've only got six entries so far but that will change later in the week. Thanks a ton to the people that keep sending these in. Paul Maguire has the early line on the Post Season title, but I'm sure our regular season winner Mr. Danielson will have something to say about it before we're done.

6. "The tiger is fast, but the owl sees at night."- Mark Jones

5. "Show me those legs again...I want to see those calves." - Mark Jones on FAU running back Charles Pierre (Via Asher)

4. "The defender reached around and pulled on Young."- Dave Sims (Via Rick James Bible Owner)

3. "Tomorrow, the Boise State Broncos play the East Carolina Parrots....Parrots? I meant Pirates."- Brad Nessler (Via Rick James Bible Owner)

2. "You know the game find Waldo?"- Rod Gilmore (Via Ryan)

1. "The BYU players, with their Mormon faith -- reminds me of one joke I heard: they bring a Bible with the Ten Commandments and a 10 dollar bill, and they don't break either one." - Paul Maguire (Via S2N)

Religous jokes always go over really well when you tell them on-air. Keep them coming folks. We'll have a winner soon enough.

It's time for the Pammy Awards to head into overtime! Here's how it's going to go down. I think we'll have a running Top Ten quotes of the Bowl Season, and anytime someone says something good will just add it to the list, and bump others off. At the end of the Bowl Season we'll have our winner.

Sounds fun right? Right. I'll either have a live-blog or open thread for every game (or set of games), so you can all chime in. And guess what? It starts tonight with the Bowl Game to end all Bowl Games......

It's Navy......It's Utah.......It's the Longest. Bowl Game Title. Ever. The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl!!! Below is what you need to know and I'll see you at 9pm (I thought it was at 7pm but I was wrong) and bring your egg nog.





9:00 PM ET, December 20, 2007
Qualcomm Stadium, San Diego, CA

Weather: 60 Degrees, Mostly Cloudy and a 30% chance of rain
Spread: Utah -8, O/U 65
Announcers: Rece Davis, Mark May, Lou Holtz (ESPN)

Team Leaders

Utah Passing: Johnson- 65.2%, 1621 Yards, 10 TDs, 9 Ints
Navy Passing: Kaheaku-Enhada- 57.1%, 830 Yards, 6 TDs, 4 Ints

Utah Rushing: Mack- 231 Carries, 1128 Yards, 4.9 avg, 10 TDs
Navy Rushing: Kaheaku-Enhada- 162 Carries, 782 Yards, 4.8 avg, 11 TDs

Utah Receiving: Richards- 53 Catches, 574 Yards, 10.8 avg, 2 TDs
Navy Receiving: Washington- 11 Catches, 234 Yards, 21.3 avg, 1 TD

Who will win the coveted golden mic? It's anyone's game at this point. But Before we get into the awards and final tally here were the Top 10 from Week 14.

10. "I'm sure you've done a couple of Patriots games in your day. I would tell every young Quarterback to watch how Peyton, excuse me Tom Brady utilizes the pocket to his advantage."- Boomer Esiason

9. "He said he was a chubby little red baby."- Ray Bentley on Central Michigan LB Red Keith

8. "The SEC Title Game Tennessee and Louisville, or LSU."- Andre Ware

7. "If they throw it to the left side of the end zone, they've got a good shot at hitting you. That'd be funny." - Brad Nessler to Paul Maguire (Via S2N)

6. "An Oklahoma win over Mizzou would create a cobweb of worms."- Craig James (Via Hawkeye State)

5. "They didn't call me I was in Gameplan."- Boomer Esiason
"Yes, a DeNiro like performance from you, and a stretch playing yourself."- Ian Eagle

4. "What did he say about tackling Jonathan Stewart? You have to bring your big boy pads?"- Dan Fouts
"It's like going bear hunting with a stick."- Tim Brant

3. "WHAT?!?! Okay we're back."- Pam Ward

2. "A fresh set of downs for the Steelers."- Mike Patrick

1. "Eric Ainge busted one. Watch the inside rub here."- Gary Danielson
_____________________________________

The Sexual Tension Quote of the Year: "You finally shaved it off do you feel naked right now?"- Pam Ward to Ray Bentley (Week 8)

The Captain Obvious Quote of the Year: "Florida State has a chance to win this game by outscoring the Gators."- Lee Corso (Week 13)

The "I Have No Idea What I'm Saying But I'm Going With It Anyway" Quote of the Year (tie):

"If you're trying to run it without running inside, it's like having nip/tuck surgery without anesthetic."- Gary Danielson (Week 3)

"There's Robin of Locksley, taken the poor and giving them to the rich, and the Illini are rich with talent right now."- Ray Bentley on Illinois Offensive Coordinator Mike Locksley (Week 7)

"The Cavaliers come in here, and they're like, you know, your uncle that shows up to a party and has too much, and ends up putting the lampshade on his head."- Mark Jones (Week 11)

The Completely Random Quote of the Year (tie): "Well I know Lynn is probably watching happily at home, ready to drop twins anyday now."- Chris Spielman (Week 2)

Bob Griese mentions Brad Nessler's Pink Tie: "Thank you, it's for Breast Awareness Month."- Brad Nessler (Week 8)

The "I Have No Idea What The Rules Of Football Are" Quote Of The Year: "Foster runs it outside down the dieline and is bumped out of bounds and will stop the clock. Well, the clock's not running. Oh yeah, we're in overtime."- Craig Bolerjack

The Burn of the Year: "Good to see Rob Stone's Curves workout pan out....he can lift up the milk can, that was nice."- Chris Spielman (Week 9)

The Overly Sexual Quote of the Year (tie): "He Face Raped Him!"- Dave Lapham (Week 7)

"Did you see any of those events in 1969?"- Ron Franklin
"I was in my mom most of 1969."- Ed Cunningham

THE QUOTE OF THE YEAR: "What's Britney doing with her life?"- Mike Patrick
__________________________________

Final Pammy Standings And Your Winner Of The First Annual Pammy Golden Mic Award Goes To....


1. Gary Danielson (60)
2. Brad Nessler (53)
3. Mike Patrick (52)
4. Pam Ward (45)
5. Chris Spielman (44)
6. Andre Ware (34)
7. Lee Corso (31)
8. Paul Maguire (27)
9. Dave Pasch (26)
10. Bob Griese, Tim Brant (23)

Others Receiving Votes: Brent Musburger (21), Kirk Herbstreit (20), Verne Lundquist (20), Pat Haden (19), Ray Bentley (18), Craig James (16.5), Mark Jones (16), Ed Cunningham (14), Bill Curry (13), Erin Andrews (11), Dave Lapham (10), Gerry Dinardo (9), Dave Lamont (9), David Norrie (9), Lou Holtz (9), Tom Hart (8), Todd Blackledge (7), Mellissa Knowles (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Sean McDonough (7), Ian Eagle (6), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Holly Rowe (5), Desmond Howard (5), Charles Arbuckle (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Doug Flutie (3.5), Jim Donnan (3), Eric Collins (2), Jim Kelly (1), Craig Bolerjack (1), Boomer Esiason (1)

That's right folks it's CBS Sports' Gary Danielson!!! It was a great year all around and I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to email or comment with your favorites. I've probably missed a good number going back through so feel free to add any I missed in the comments. We're onto the Bowl Season now and hopefully I can remove the foot from my mouth after the comments I made about Danielson at the beginning of the season.

I did a bad thing....I'm sorry I did that. Gary Danielson is again the winner of the first ever Pammy Award. Time to celebrate with some wings!



To review all of the old Chronicles week by week Click Here

Welcome back to our weekly installment of The Pam Ward Chronicles. I'm going to be keeping track of the Announcing Quotes throughout the day and I ask that you join in. Please leave any that you come across in the comments or feel free to email me at AwfulAnnouncing@Gmail.com.

Your College Football Announcing Schedule: Week Thirteen
________________________________________________________

Oh no! Pam and Ray are having audio problems and Stan Verrett and Jesse Palmer are calling the MAC Championship from the studio. That's not a good way to start the day.

"He said he was a chubby little red baby."- Ray Bentley on Central Michigan LB Red Keith

"This is a huge game obviously a MAC Championship, it's a Conference Championship, but Miami is 6 and 6 on the season and they win they're MAC Champions and they will get into a Bowl. They lose and they're done."- Pam Ward

Someone needs to tell Pam that six wins gets you into a Bowl this year.....and every year.

I take it back Pam....you were right. Because they'll finish under .500 they're out of the running. They would have been better off not making the Championship Game. I'm sorry my love.

"Well, I don't understand [the triple option] as well as some, but I understand football, and they've gotta get a play going on third and long." - Boomer Esiason (Via S2N)

That's understanding football for sure.

"I'm sure you've done a couple of Patriots games in your day. I would tell every young Quarterback to watch how Peyton, excuse me Tom Brady utilizes the pocket to his advantage."- Boomer Esiason

We could just combine them into one person when making statements along these lines. Either Peyton Brady or Tom Manning would work.

"They didn't call me I was in Gameplan."- Boomer Esiason
"Yes, a DeNiro like performance from you, and a stretch playing yourself."- Ian Eagle

And we have audio problems again in the MAC Championship game. Oh man...they just went back to Pam and she didn't know she was on-air. Tough going for them today.

"The SEC Title Game Tennessee and Louisville, or LSU."- Andre Ware

"He's as good as it gets as far as a duel threat Quarterback. I'd put him up along side of Tim Tebow, Pat White, Matt Grothe...all those guys. I think Dan LeFevour is just as good if not better."- Ray Bentley

You think the fact that Bentley went to Central Michigan might have something to do with that statement?

"If they throw it to the left side of the end zone, they've got a good shot at hitting you. That'd be funny." - Brad Nessler to Paul Maguire (Via S2N)

Maguire looks funny as hell wearing those reading glasses and flying around on the Camera Truck. They keep showing shots of him about an inch from his nose.

"An Oklahoma win over Mizzou would create a cobweb of worms."- Craig James (Via Hawkeye State)

Referee: "Dead ball penalty. False start..."
Maguire: "...that's going to be a false start."
(Via Jim)

Good work there by Maguire talking over the official.

"What did he say about tackling Jonathan Stewart? You have to bring your big boy pads?"- Dan Fouts
"It's like going bear hunting with a stick."- Tim Brant

Exactly like that.

"Eric Ainge busted one. Watch the inside rub here."- Gary Danielson

It's about time Gary....I thought you were going to get through a game without a sexual comment.

Gary Danielson: on UT-LSU SEC Championship Game after fake punt: "This game has turned into a battle for the SEC Championship." (Via Anon)

"And he was not afraid taking a ball on the face."- Tim Brant on Oregon blocking an OSU FG.

"In college football, if the ball bounces off the ground, it's an incompletion"- Todd Blackledge (Via Jared)

"A fresh set of downs for the Steelers."- Mike Patrick

Hahaha....we may have a winner folks.

"And you can't review an incomplete pass."- Ed Cunningham
(Ref states there will be a review)
"Check that you can review it in the endzone."- Ed Cunningham

Aren't all complete/incomplete passes involving the sidelines reviewable?

There weren't many changes at the top after this week, but Andre Ware made a huge push to get into the Top 10. One week to go for the regular season crown folks, and we'll move onto Bowl Season where anything can happen. Thanks to everyone who sent quotes in for Week Thirteen!

The Pam Ward Chronicles Week Thirteen

10. "Foster runs it outside down the sideline and is bumped out of bounds and will stop the clock. Well, the clock's not running. Oh, we're in overtime."- Craig Bolerjack (Via Willmott)

9. “That rear end is up in the air he’s ready to go hunt.”- Chris Spielman

8. "Florida State has a chance to win this game by outscoring the Gators."- Lee Corso

7. "And that's Miami's first first down of the season."- Pam Ward (Via Tom)

6. "This is his last home game here at home."- Andre Ware on UVA's Chris Long (Via Bruce)

5. "If you're going to underthrow the ball, you have to do it short."- Ed Cunningham (Via Anon)

4."The thing you have to realize is that these teams are in un-chartered waters."- Kirk Herbstreit

3. "We were wondering what you were giving him for after the game. You know my partner over here, he....."- Bob Griese
"I thought you were giving him a bud."- Paul Maguire

(Alchohol or Weed....it's still pretty funny.)

2. “USC is a cinch to go to one of the three remaining BCS Bowl Games....maybe the Fiestus Bowl. That would be the likely suspect.”- David Norrie

1. "...and it winds up being Vince Hall coming in the face of Peter Lalich..."- Andre Ware (Via ZHR)

Nasty.
______________________________________________________

Here are the standings after Thirteen weeks........

1. Gary Danielson (50)
2. Brad Nessler (49)
3. Chris Spielman (44)
4. Mike Patrick (43)
5. Pam Ward (37)
6. Andre Ware (31), Lee Corso (31)
8. Paul Maguire (27)
9. Dave Pasch (26)
10. Bob Griese (23)

Others Receiving Votes: Brent Musburger (21), Kirk Herbstreit (20), Verne Lundquist (20)Pat Haden (19), Tim Brandt (16), Ray Bentley (16), Mark Jones (16), Ed Cunningham (14), Bill Curry (13), Craig James (11.5), Erin Andrews (11), , Dave Lapham (10), Gerry Dinardo (9), Dave Lamont (9), David Norrie (9), Lou Holtz (9), Tom Hart (8), Todd Blackledge (7), Mellissa Knowles (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Sean McDonough (7), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Holly Rowe (5), Desmond Howard (5), Charles Arbuckle (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Doug Flutie (3.5), Jim Donnan (3), Eric Collins (2), Jim Kelly (1), Craig Bolerjack (1)

We're coming down to the wire folks and it looks like a three four horse race between Danielson, Nessler, Patrick, and Spielman......Who's your money on?

The Pam Ward Chronicles Week Twelve

10. "Nice call by Offensive Coordinator Bryan Springsteen there." - Bill Curry referencing VT OC Bryan Stienspring. Maybe he thought he was the Boss? (Via jonef)

9. "It reminds of how rappers would peddle their demos to artists...to some sort of publishing company."- Desmond Howard on Kansas QB Todd Reesing making a highlight tape to get a scholarship.

8. "If he would have slowed down and put his butt to Jackson."- Gary Danielson

7. "Lets see if I can get this one right Pam."- Ray Bentley
"That will be a first".- Pam Ward
(Via Steve)

6. "Certainly a coming out party for Johnson."- Tim Brandt

5. "BOOM!"- Kirk Herbstreit (Not for the phrase itself, but that he said it every other play)

4."The conditions are the virus affecting the computer that Jim Tressel puts in about taking care of the football." - Kirk Herbstreit (Via Via S2N)

3. "Gary Walker's passing is the reason Fitzgerald became Northwestern's head coach."- Erin Andrews (Via Jim....his name is Randy Walker)

2. "He may be listed as offensive coordinator for Texas Tech, but saying Mike Leach has an offensive coordinator is like saying, I don't know, Rachael Ray has a private chef." - Brad Nessler (Via S2N)

1. "Ahh, rivals, they spend a lot of time painting themselves up and undressing"- Brent Musburger (Via Smitty)
______________________________________________________

Here are the standings after eleven weeks........

1. Gary Danielson (50)
2. Brad Nessler (49)
3. Mike Patrick (43)
4. Chris Spielman (42)
5. Pam Ward (33)
6. Lee Corso (28)
7. Dave Pasch (26)
8. Bob Griese (23)
9.Brent Musburger (21)
10. Verne Lundquist (20)

Others Receiving Votes: Pat Haden (19), Paul Maguire (19), Andre Ware (16), Tim Brandt (16), Ray Bentley (16), Mark Jones (16), Kirk Herbstreit (13), Bill Curry (13), Craig James (11.5), Erin Andrews (11), , Dave Lapham (10), Gerry Dinardo (9), Dave Lamont (9), Lou Holtz (9), Tom Hart (8), Ed Cunningham (8), Todd Blackledge (7), Mellissa Knowles (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Sean McDonough (7), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Holly Rowe (5), Desmond Howard (5), Charles Arbuckle (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Doug Flutie (3.5), Jim Donnan (3), Eric Collins (2) Jim Kelly (1)

Thanks for sticking with me all day Saturday and coming up with our best group of ten ever. Thanks to dumpster diving, lingerie, and Sherry Blackledge we've got our winners! These were tough to rank so I'm leaving it in your hands to make a case for your favorite in the comments.

The Pam Ward Chronicles Week Eleven

10. "That was a free play. The third down play was a free play for Tress because he knew if he didn't hit it on fourth down he was gonna go for the first down."- Bob Griese

9. "That's their largest bulge in the game" - Eric Collins (Via Mookie)

8. "Lingerie on the field!" - Verne Lundquist, after Knowshon Moreno scores for Georgia. (ViaS2N)

7. "Now they've lost a 14 point lead again a highly aroused Florida State team."- Bill Curry

6. "That's a big kid." - Mike Patrick
"Yeah." - Todd Blackledge
"That's a Todd Blackledge kind of body." - Mike Patrick
"That is not. No. Sherry Blackledge probably wishes that was a Todd Blackledge body."- Todd Blackledge
(Via The Unreliable Narrator)

5. "You can't return a muff."- Dave Pasch

4."If I'm Georgia, I'm gonna ride my hot guy right now." Gary Danielson (Via Gangsta D)

3."He would have had to pull a Louganis to avoid diving into Cox." - Verne Lundquist, as a UGA player gets called for roughing the passer. (Via S2N)

2. "The Cavaliers come in here, and they're like, you know, your uncle that shows up to a party and has too much, and ends up putting the lampshade on his head."- Mark Jones (Via Charles)

1. "You know the best advice I've heard all season is to avoid Hospital dumpsters."- Chris Spielman

You never disappoint me Chris. Others may but you keep giving! And if Gary Danielson wins this thing after all the work you've put in (and we giving him a positive review before the season) Chris, I don't know what I'm going to do!
______________________________________________________

Here are the standings after eleven weeks........

1. Gary Danielson (47)
2. Mike Patrick (43)
3. Chris Spielman (42)
4. Brad Nessler (40)
5. Pam Ward (29)
6. Lee Corso (28)
7. Dave Pasch (26)
8. Bob Griese (23)
9. Verne Lundquist (20),
10. Pat Haden, Paul Maguire (19)

Others Receiving Votes: Andre Ware (16), Ray Bentley (16), Mark Jones (16), Bill Curry (12), Craig James (11.5), Tim Brandt (11), Brent Musburger (11), Dave Lapham (10), Gerry Dinardo (9), Dave Lamont (9), Lou Holtz (9), Tom Hart (8), Ed Cunningham (8), Todd Blackledge (7), Mellissa Knowles (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Sean McDonough (7), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Holly Rowe (5), Charles Arbuckle (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Doug Flutie (3.5), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Erin Andrews (3), Eric Collins (2) Jim Kelly (1)

Welcome back to our weekly installment of The Pam Ward Chronicles. I'm going to be keeping track of the Announcing Quotes throughout the day and I ask that you join in. Please leave any that you come across in the comments or feel free to email me at AwfulAnnouncing@Gmail.com.

Sorry for the lack of Pammy goodness last week. I'll make it up to you today my friends. Join me won't you?

Your College Football Announcing Schedule: Week Eleven
________________________________________________________

"They might even consurm some drinks."- Chris Fowler talking about the Ephs on Gameday

"Extend it like Beckham"- Andre Ware

That's dirty Andre

"That's what I like, Hubbard catching the ball with his hands."- Andre Ware

"Michigan can get exotic with its offense here." - Andre Ware (Via S2N)

"...and you end up running your quarterback into the hole, it's almost like having ten blockers out there"- Andy Gresh (Via Steve)

Almost Andy....almost.

"You can't return a muff."- Dave Pasch

This is a dirty dirty crew.

Sorry for the delay.....internet and cable went out for some reason. I should be good for the rest of the day.....email me if I missed anything.

"That spells NFL on Sunday"- Andre Ware As opposed to NFL on Wednesday? Thanks for clearing that up. (Via Matt)

"That's their largest bulge in the game" - Eric Collins (Via Mookie)

"If one Wells runs dry, try another one." - Brad Nessler (Via Anon)

Very cheesy Bradley

"They say he's money, but he almost left some change on the table with that kick." - Gary Danielson, as the Auburn kicker sneaks in a field goal. (Via S2N)

"If I'm Georgia, I'm gonna ride my hot guy right now." Gary Danielson (Via Gangsta D)

Now we're cooking!

"And he is going to be dragged down by Will Smith, I mean Will Davis"- Brad Nessler (Via Matt)

Uh Brad....he's on the Saints.

"He would have had to pull a Louganis to avoid diving into Cox." - Verne Lundquist, as a UGA player gets called for roughing the passer. (Via S2N)

"That was a free play. The third down play was a free play for Tress because he knew if he didn't hit it on fourth down he was gonna go for the first down."- Bob Griese

Umm what?

"That's not the first time I've seen him lit up" - Bob Griese in reference to Paul Maguire's mug being lit up above Ohio State scoreboard (Via jonef)

I don't know if that was a stoner comment or a football one. Either....pretty funny.

"Lingerie on the field!" - Verne Lundquist, after Knowshon Moreno scores for Georgia. (Via S2N)

"Now they've lost a 14 point lead again a highly aroused Florida State team."- Bill Curry

"Juice has matured into a fine wine right before our eyes." - Brad Nessler (Via S2N)

"Just throw it up to the 6 foot 3 Johnson" - Dan Fouts (Via Mookie)

Ah, there's the third grade humor we were missing today. Bravo Mookie.

"He forwarded it forward" - Tim Brant (Via Mookie)

"The mental errrror leads to a BC Touchdown."- Dave Lamont A follow up to Chris Spielman's "analysis" of BC's choice to hand the ball to the fullback on 1st and Goal from the 6, and then again on 2nd and Goal from the 1. Spielman's analysis was simply, "Grrr, Grrr, Grrr." (Via Phil)

"That's a big kid." - Mike Patrick
"Yeah." - Todd Blackledge
"That's a Todd Blackledge kind of body." - Mike Patrick
"That is not. No. Sherry Blackledge probably wishes that was a Todd Blackledge body."- Todd Blackledge
(Via The Unreliable Narrator)

God...they are comedy gold.

UVA color analyst Frank Quayle, after pbp man Mac McDonald inadvertently called UM the Dolphins: "That's an insult to the Hurricanes, Mac." (Via Bruce)

Now that's funny.

"You know the best advice I've heard all season is to avoid Hospital dumpsters."- Chris Spielman

Too funny without context....I'll have the video up shortly but apparently Silva from BC is a dumpster diver. So random.

I'm pretty sure I just heard Mark Jones say the following, as UVA was going into the locker room with a 31-0 lead: "The Cavaliers come in here, and they're like, you know, your uncle that shows up to a party and has too much, and ends up putting the lampshade on his head." (Via Charles)

Wow...that's just crazy. If someone can confirm this I'd love it. Okay...it's confirmed....what in the world.

"I understand [the tree people], I've got a bit of tree hugger in me." - David Norrie, talking about the tree-sitter issue during USC-Cal (Via S2N)

"And Turner, he almost made a fatal error."- Dave Lamont

Chris Turner shall die!!!

"The Orange Bowl certainly had its day. But I'm glad they're moving out of that dump because their day was a long time ago." - Mike Patrick
"Well the day of its press box was a long time ago." - Todd Blackledge
"If you liked a place that leaked from every part of its roof, that was your building." - Mike Patrick
(Via The Unreliable Narrator)

"This is what you've got to love about Maryland, they're like sharks and chum."- Chris Spielman

I don't know why that made me laugh so much.

Well leave it to me to botch the Pam Ward Chronicles for an entire weekend leaving the competition in complete disarray. I got a few gems from emailers so I'm going to issue random points for the heck of it and we'll pretend this weekend never happened.

Why am I even bothering? Well the comment of the day came from Pam herself, so I can't NOT (double negatives rock!) give her the points.

3. "I know that you posted that there won't be a Pam Ward Chronicles this week, but I think you need to award a Special Achievement Pammie to the team of Paul Maguire, Bob Griese and Brad Nessler for their in-booth demonstration of "chip blocking" during the Michigan-Michigan State game on Saturday. Watching the game in HD, I thought that Maguire was going to come into my living room and eat me. Truly frightening. He was so close to the camera that it reminded me of the Dr. Evil-on-Jerry-Springer shouting "The world is mine!" scene that opened Austin Powers II. Such a level of broadcasting shittiness may never be achieved again. (Via Brian....Maguire gets 3 points)

2. "Hyman is really taking a beating tonight"- Chris Fowler (Via Chad....Fowler gets 5 points)

.....and the winner from Pammy herself.....

1. Within a few minutes of one of these tributes - an interview with Walker's widow, btw - the crew fires up a package about Northwestern's close games this year, over which Pam Ward starts referring to NW as the "Cardiac Cats." (Via Ryan...Pam gets 10 points)

Put this one right up there with the McDonough-Everett incident and the Wynalda-Wildfires fiasco. So bad.
_________________________________________

Here are the standings after ten weeks........

1. Mike Patrick (43)
2. Brad Nessler, Gary Danielson (40)
4. Pam Ward (39)
5. Chris Spielman (32)
6. Lee Corso (28)
7. Bob Griese, Paul Maguire (22)
9. Dave Pasch (20)
10. Pat Haden (19)

Others Receiving Votes: Andre Ware (16), Ray Bentley (16), Craig James (11.5), Tim Brandt (11), Brent Musburger (11), Dave Lapham (10), Gerry Dinardo (9), Dave Lamont (9), Lou Holtz (9), Verne Lundquist (9), Tom Hart (8), Bill Curry (8), Ed Cunningham (8), Mark Jones (7), Mellissa Knowles (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Sean McDonough (7), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Holly Rowe (5), Chris Fowler (5), Charles Arbuckle (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Doug Flutie (3.5), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Erin Andrews (3), Todd Blackledge (2), Jim Kelly (1)

First of all I want to call shenanigans on the fact that Pam wasn't on a game this past weekend. She would have surely taken over the number one spot. But alas, it's the continual barrage of Britney Spears comments that have pushed one Michael Patrick into the lead.

10. "They look like a contender for number one."- Brent Musburger on Ohio State

9. "You cut yourself shaving, you bleed for a week" - Gary Danielson (Via Smed)

8. "This is just a reminder, but there really isn't a yellow line on the field at the first down marker."- Dave Lamont (Via Dollar Dollar Bill)

7. "He's seeing double right now. Just like Maguire on Thursday night." - Brad Nessler (Via S2N)

6. "Tom Arnold from Ottumwa, Iowa -- his movie career turned about as successful as Robert Gallery's pro career." - Dave Pasch, after a segment proclaiming Arnold the Iowa Hawkeyes' biggest fan. ZING! (Via S2N)

5. "The only player in the Big East to win a Heisman Trophy? Trick question: Gino Torretta for Miami in 1992."- Brad Nessler
"But Miami wasn't in the Big East at the time."- Bob Griese
"Yes they were."- Brad Nessler (Via Anon, and Griese gets the points)

4. Corso: "I've got Boston College in at #5 because I had to get someone from the Big East in my Top 5."
Fowler: "You know they're in the ACC?"
Corso: "Someone from the East Coast. They should be in the Big East."
(Via Anon, points to Corso)

3. ....."and when you throw to him and he runs into the official and BOOM...(pause)...goes the dynamite."- Verne Lundquist (Via Dummy and Chaz)

2a. "Can you get it up every week. . . consistently?"- Craig James (Via Kyle)

2b. "Good to see Rob Stone's Curves workout pan out....he can lift up the milk can, that was nice."- Chris Spielman

1. "And South Carolina is going to take this to overtime. I'm going to have to think about what is happening in Britney Spears' live before we come back." - Mike Patrick
"I wonder if she's watching tonight." - Todd Blackledge
"I think she just bought a new double wide." - Mike Patrick
______________________________________________________

Here are the standings after eight weeks........

1. Mike Patrick (43)
2. Brad Nessler, Gary Danielson (40)
4. Chris Spielman (32)
5. Pam Ward (29)
6. Lee Corso (28)
7. Bob Griese (22)
8. Dave Pasch (20)
9. Pat Haden, Paul Maguire (19)

Others Receiving Votes: Andre Ware (16), Ray Bentley (16), Craig James (11.5), Tim Brandt (11), Brent Musburger (11), Dave Lapham (10), Gerry Dinardo (9), Dave Lamont (9), Lou Holtz (9), Verne Lundquist (9), Tom Hart (8), Bill Curry (8), Ed Cunningham (8), Mark Jones (7), Mellissa Knowles (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Sean McDonough (7), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Holly Rowe (5), Charles Arbuckle (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Doug Flutie (3.5), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Erin Andrews (3), Todd Blackledge (2), Jim Kelly (1)

Pammy gets her first win! Everyone alert the presses!!! Let me know if you disagree with the points in the comments, and we'll see if we need to move any around.

10. "When sholder goes down the umph goes South."- Verne Lundquist

9. "South Florida will be replaced in the 2-hole." Brent Musberger (Via Gangsta D)

8. "They gave up 31 points to Troy and Brad Pitt wasn't the coach of that team."- Lee Corso

7. "Good timeout by Penn State...you may catch them in a ball handling situation."- Andre Ware

6. "The guys say he is so precious with the young boys."- Holly Rowe (Via Gangsta D)

5. "Think about playing quarterback here at USC: Carson Palmer wins a Heisman, Matt Leinart wins a Heisman, John David Booty has played very well, and now Mark Sanchez. It's like going out as a runway model after Heidi Klum." - Pat Haden (Via S2N)

4. "That one looked like you were ordering an omelet at breakfast it was so open."- Gary Danielson

3. "If he bobbles the ball at all, and it falls incomplete, it's over. You leave a timeout in your bag, the season — done." — Mike Patrick, in the final seconds of LSU's victory

2. Bob Griese made reference to Brad Nessler's pink tie. Nessler says "Thank you, it's for breast awareness month." (Via Corey)

And number one......

1. “You finally shaved it off do you feel naked right now?”- Pam Ward
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Here are the standings after eight weeks........

1. Gary Danielson, Brad Nessler (37)
3. Mike Patrick (33)
4. Pam Ward (29)
5. Chris Spielman (23)
6. Pat Haden, Lee Corso, Paul Maguire (19)
9. Andre Ware, Bob Griese, Ray Bentley (16)

Others Receiving Votes: Dave Pasch (15), Tim Brandt (11), Dave Lapham (10), Brent Musburger (9), Gerry Dinardo (9), Lou Holtz (9), Tom Hart (8), Bill Curry (8), Ed Cunningham (8), Mark Jones (7), Mellissa Knowles (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Sean McDonough (7), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Holly Rowe (5), Charles Arbuckle (5), Dave Lamont (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Doug Flutie (3.5), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Erin Andrews (3), Craig James (2.5), Verne Lundquist (1), Todd Blackledge (2), Jim Kelly (1)

UPDATE: Holy crap. I completely forgot Brad Nessler's "Breast Awareness" Comment! Mike Patrick falls to three because after viewing the tape there's definitely 4 seconds left on the clock. Those of you who see one second need more evidence to convince me.

So we know who the winner is this week.....it has to go to Dave Lapham for the "Face Raping" (or rapping is I called it at first) comment. Some people think he said raking, but I'm not buying it. Also, how has Lou Holtz just made the list now? I blame myself.

10. "And it's wide right...JUST LIKE TOMCZAK'S GOLF GAME!" (Via SS) - Jim Kelly

9. "Oh I may be wrong. The people in the production truck are telling me this is reviewable."- Gary Danielson

8. "If you don't want to dangle your participles..."- Pam Ward (Via Thatswhatshesaid.......Great English Professor humor there)

7. "You are in midseason form, Tom."- Pat Haden
"It IS midseason."- Tom Hammond
"Oh, right."- Pat Haden

6. "Both the offense and the defense....one's trying to get the advantage over the other."- Andre Ware

5. There's Robin of Locksley, taken the poor and giving them to the rich, and the Illini are rich with talent right now."- Ray Bentley (Talking about Illinois Offensive Mike Locksley)

4. "I'm gonna have to get in there and do a little banging myself."- Melissa Knowles

3. "He wasn't over there long enough to get stiff, but he did get a blow."Bill Curry (Via Heath)

2. "That's like comparing Joan Collins to Linda Evans."- Lou Holtz
"Now for a more modern reference, like Eva Longoria to Teri Hatcher."- Rece Davis
"I don't know who that is."- Lou Holtz

And number one......

1. "He face raped him!"- Dave Laphm (Via MG)
______________________________________________________

Here are the standings after seven weeks........

1. Gary Danielson (30)
2. Brad Nessler (28)
3. Mike Patrick (24)
4. Chris Spielman (23)
5. Paul Maguire, Pam Ward (19)
7. Bob Griese, Lee Corso, Ray Bentley (16)
10. Dave Pasch (15)

Others Receiving Votes: Pat Haden (13), Andre Ware (12), Tim Brandt (11), Dave Lapham (10), Gerry Dinardo (9), Lou Holtz (9), Tom Hart (8), Bill Curry (8), Ed Cunningham (8), Mark Jones (7), Mellissa Knowles (7), Brent Musburger (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Sean McDonough (7), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Charles Arbuckle (5), Dave Lamont (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Doug Flutie (3.5), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Erin Andrews (3), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2), Jim Kelly (1)

Thhings are starting to take shape as there are a handful of folks that say something dumb pretty much every week. Spielman has finally been caught as Nessler, Danielson, and the terrible Mike Patrick have been on a tear. Here are your winners/losers.....

10. "That hit on McCoy was only second to the one I got from the policeman in the elevator after I did my stand-up." - Brad Nessler

9. "Deon Curry making curry powder out of the Wisconsin defense" - Brad Nessler

8. "The ball squirts out." - Pam Ward (via Michael)

7. "...this Wildcat team had a costly turnover last week." - Ray Bentley, talking about a UNC Player (Via Michael)

6. "This thing is completely even at ten, but again the two missed field goals by the Seminoles.....maybe they could be in front here."- Dave Lamont

5. "That was meat on meat right there." - Dave Pasch (Via Anon)

4. "They are tight-ending Oklahoma to death"- Brad Nessler (Via Matt)

3. "Did you see any of those events in 1969?"- Ron Franklin
"I was in my mom most of 1969."- Ed Cunningham
(Via Anon)

2. "(Florida OL Jim) Tartt's has a mouthful of Glenn Dorsey all night."- Gary Danielson (Via Anon)

And number one......

1. "Virginia Tech went to LSU and got murdered."- Mike Patrick
______________________________________________________

Here are the standings after six weeks........

1. Brad Nessler, Gary Danielson (28)
3. Mike Patrick (24)
4. Chris Spielman (23)
5. Paul Maguire (19)
5. Bob Griese, Lee Corso, Pam Ward (16)
9. Dave Pasch (15)
10. Tim Brandt (11)

Others Receiving Votes: Ray Bentley (10), Pat Haden (9), Gerry Dinardo (9)Tom Hart (8), Ed Cunningham (8), Mark Jones (7), Brent Musburger (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Andre Ware (7), Sean McDonough (7), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Charles Arbuckle (5), Dave Lamont (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Doug Flutie (3.5), Erin Andrews (3), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2)

Man, for a second there I thought our namesake wasn't going to make a run at the title, but boy was I wrong! Pam Ward just blew everyone out of the water last weekend. From calling kickoffs punts to comparing New Orleans to Malibu......it was just a cornucopia of awfulness from her. Here are the best of the worst from week five.......

10. "Johnson lost himself a fifth grader, about 50 or 60 pounds." - Ray Bentley (Via S2N)

9. "Deon Curry making curry powder out of the Wisconsin defense" - Brad Nessler

8. "Sometimes when you're a Quarterback you have to win with your arm."- Andre Ware

7. "Forget conservative, [Auburn]'re going into Hilary territory on the field."- Mike Patrick on a Tigers 4th down conversion. (Via CR)

6. "It looked like [Dennis Dixon] overthrew him and it just stuck to his gloves like Teflon." - Tim Brant (Teflon does the exact opposite of that Timmy)

5. "He grasps about 85% of our package...."- Quint Kessenich (Via KJ)

4. "That'll bring up 3rd and 2...do you think about going for it here?"- Thom Brenanman (Via Matt)

3. "Trev, we talked about how penalties really don't have much of an impact on the game except when they happen in the blue zone or the red zone or whatever you call it."- Tom Hart (Via Eric)

2. "I like it, because now you don't have to think about how many time outs are left, just look at the top of the screen." - Brad Nessler
"Griese explains the thing every week." - Paul Maguire
"It's still early in the football season, Paul. I'm going to highlight them again later." - Bob Griese
"Bob, you draw the best balls I've ever seen." - Paul Maguire

And of course number one......

1. Every single word that came out of Pam Ward's mouth during the LSU-Tulane game. She should get about 40 points, but we have to stick to the rules and only award her ten.
______________________________________________________

Here are the standings after five weeks........

1. Chris Spielman (23)
2. Brad Nessler (20)
3. Gary Danielson (19)
4. Paul Maguire (17)
5. Bob Griese, Lee Corso (16)
7. Mike Patrick (14)
8. Pam Ward (13)
9. Tim Brandt (11)
10. Pat Haden, Dave Pasch, Gerry Dinardo (9)

Others Receiving Votes: Tom Hart (8), Mark Jones (7), Brent Musburger (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Andre Ware (7), Sean McDonough (7), , John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Charles Arbuckle (5), Ray Bentley (6), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Doug Flutie (3.5), Erin Andrews (3), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2)

It was just an amazing weekend in Announcing. I think later I'm going to share some of the emails I got yesterday while the Awful GF was taking me to the Skins game (great present, but I don't think I'm ever going back to FedEx Field). Anywho, here are your Pammies from the College Football action over the weekend. The top spot obviously goes to Mike Patrick for his love of Britney Spears and Gary Danielson is coming on strong! You better watch your back Spielman!!!

10. "I don't think anyone heard the flag or the whistle."- Brad Nessler

9. "That is hitting a man right in the mustache." - Andre Ware (Via S2N)

8. "How about pig head at 9am?" - Erin Andrews (Via Steve)

7. "Johnson goes up the middle."- Dan Fouts (Via Anon)

6. "A fake is like a pair of shoes for women that go into a shoe store, they can't not buy them."- Charles Arbuckle (via Eric)

5. "They don't need a knockout to win. A TKO will be fine...maybe there'll be a Russian judge."- Gary Danielson (Via MW)

4. “I noticed your occasional paralysis kicked in at dinner when the check came”- Sean McDonough (Just a horrible joke after talking about Kevin Everett.)

3. "Gotta get that arm lubed up."- Dave Pasch

2. "Boston College is the best team in the Big East."- Lee Corso (Via Anon)

And of course your #1 quote of the weekend is from Mike Patrick...... (Video)

1. "What's Britney doing with her life?"- MP
_________________________________________________

Here are the standings after four weeks........

1. Chris Spielman (23)
2. Gary Danielson (19)
3. Brad Nessler (18)
4. Bob Griese, Lee Corso (16)
6. Mike Patrick (10)
7. Pat Haden, Dave Pasch (9)
9. Paul Maguire, Mike Patrick, and Gerry Dinardo (8)

Others Receiving Votes: Mark Jones (7), Brent Musburger (7), Sean McDonough (7), Tim Brandt (6), John Saunders (6), Charles Arbuckle (5), Ray Bentley (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Doug Flutie (3.5), Pam Ward (3), Erin Andrews (3), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2), Andre Ware (4), Gerry Dinardo (1),

Here is the weekly trip back to Saturday's Best of the Worst in College Football. If it's your first time being introduced to the Pammies feel free to head back to Week One for the rundown, and if you missed Week 2 you can view them here.

10. Doug Flutie: "Florida, they really took it to them...I can't remember who they are right now..."
John Saunders: "Tennessee."
Doug Flutie: "Right." (laughs)
(Via Signal to Noise)

9. "Pitt doesn't have a lot of depth (on the d-line). they've been sending guys in and out all game."- Andre Ware

8. "You can't punt in this game. The first team to punt will lose the game."- Jim Donnan (Via Bruce)

7. "If you're trying to run it without running inside, it's like having nip/tuck surgery without anesthetic."- Gary Danielson
(Via Signal to Noise)

6. "That's where you say wolfang the invisible dog got you over there on the hashmark."- Brad Nessler

5. (After a Dancing With The Stars Promo)
"You really thought Griese was going to get invited?" - Paul Maguire
"Yeah." - Brad Nessler
"He has a hard time walking. Let alone dance." - Paul Maguire
"Well, Emmitt won it a few years ago." - Brad Nessler
"Yes. Emmitt won it. And then . . . Yoko Ono won it last year or whatever the ice skater was named." - Bob Griese
(Via The Unreliable Narrator)"

4. “Boston College wins this one with a National Football League balanced attack that will hurt the Te, Texas, Tenness……excuse me, the Tech Blitz.”- Lee Corso

3. "The only way for Minnesota to win this game today is for their offense to match Florida Atlantic's offense touchdown for touchdown"- Gerry Dinardo (Via Matt)

2. "Florida HAS to win this game if they're going to run the table."- Gary Danielson

1. "Well I know Lynn is probably watching happily at home, ready to drop twins any day now."- Chris Spielman

So I basically botched that entire CBS post last week, and I'm okay with admitting it. Gary Danielson had about 14 mistakes and I don't think he can go a game without mentioning he played Quarterback in the NFL. I was wrong, and (Don Imus Voice) I'm sorry I did that....I did a bad thing. Danielson bumped himself all the way up to 4th after just one game. Look out Chris Spielman!
____________________________

Here are the standings after two weeks........

1. Chris Spielman (23)
2. Brad Nessler (17)
3. Bob Griese (16)
4. Gary Danielson (13)
5. Pat Hayden (9)
6. Paul Maguire, Mike Patrick, and Gerry Dinardo (8)
9. Mark Jones, Brent Musburger, Lee Corso (7)

Others Receiving Votes: Tim Brandt (6), John Saunders (6), Ray Bentley (5), Mike Tirico (4), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Doug Flutie (3.5), Pam Ward (3), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2), Andre Ware (2), Gerry Dinardo (1), Dave Pasch (1)

I probably should have got these up yesterday at some point, but alas...it was the first Sunday of Football. So here is the weekly trip back to Saturday's Best of the Worst in College Football. If it's your first time being introduced to the Pammies feel free to head back to Week One for the rundown.

(Also, someone emailed me saying that there are just too many college announcers and that it would be watered down. Trust me....the same people say dumb stuff EVERY single week.)

10. "Andre, we talked about the hardware, which is the physical, and the software, which is the mental aspect of the game."- Dave Pasch (Via Signal to Noise)

9. "The office package would shrink tremendously".
"We've got a small package just for him".
- Brad Nessler

8. "The Defense has been getting a lot of credibility, a lot of publicity I mean...more airplay than the Mary J. Blige song this week."- Desmond Howard

7. "Both teams pride themselves on being intelligent football players.”- Chris Spielman

6. "If you don't get moist watching it, well, I don't know what to tell you. It's a moving film."- Ray Bentley (Via Signal to Noise)

5. "...having a lot of distractions, then having to go into LSU for a game, that's just deadly."- John Saunders (Via Anon)

4. "As the kids say in pop culture, Moreno is NOW. He's now." - Mark Jones (Via Dirk Diggler)

3. "Tomatoes weren't around when Paterno started here."- Mike Patrick (Via Signal to Noise)

2. "If his shoulders are pointed at a 45 then it’s a pass."- Chris Spielman
"You’re telling me you played in the NFL and you ran angles?"- Craig James
"You were a junior before you knew what a 45 degree angle was."- Sean McDonough

(Giving this point to Chris Spielman for getting burned by both Craig and Sean)

1. "Which one would you be Paul?"- Brad Nessler
"I'd be the Money"- Paul Maguire
"I guess that makes Griese the sexy and me the dirty"- Brad Nessler (Via Matt)
____________________________

Here are the standings after two weeks........

1. Chris Spielman (13)
2. Brad Nessler (12)
3. Bob Griese (10)
4. Pat Hayden (9)
5. Paul Maguire and Mike Patrick (8)
7. Mark Jones and Brent Musburger (7)
9. Tim Brandt and John Saunders (6)

Others Receiving Votes: Ray Bentley (5), Mike Tirico (4), Desmond Howard (3), Pam Ward (3), Doug Flutie (2.5), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2), Gerry Dinardo (1), Dave Pasch (1)

Welcome back to our weekly installment of The Pam Ward Chronicles. I'm going to be keeping track of the Announcing Quotes throughout the day and I ask that you join in. Please leave any that you come across in the comments.

We are in for a treat today folks! Our good friend Pammy is kicking off today's action at 11am....nice and early. We're also starting the Chronicles is weekend with some gems from Chris Spielman during last night's Navy-Rutgers game. It might be tough for someone to beat him, but we'll see....

College Football Week #2 Announcing Teams (Awful Announcing)
The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 1 (Awful Announcing)

Both teams pride themselves on being intelligent football players.”- Chris Spielman

The linesman called that from all the way across the field.”- Chris Spielman
“Well he’s the HEAD linesman.”- Craig James
“He’s the Head EYESman.”- Chris Spielman

If his shoulders are pointed at a 45 then it’s a pass.- Chris Spielman
You’re telling me you played in the NFL and you ran angles?- Craig James
You were a junior before you knew what a 45 degree angle was.- Sean McDonough

"The Defense has been getting a lot of credibility, a lot of publicity I mean...more airplay than the Mary J. Blige song this week."- Desmond Howard

Just because....


Please eat something Erin....we are all concerned.

"Yeah where they're going to get into is the last five games in that Big East schedule. When they take on the like of Rutgers, Louisville, Pitt.....and......Connecticut."- Ray Bentley, Umm UConn? Really???

"Andre, we talked about the hardware, which is the physical, and the software, which is the mental aspect of the game."- Dave Pasch (Via Signal to Noise)

"...having a lot of distractions, then having to go into LSU for a game, that's just deadly."- John Saunders (Via Anon), Okay that's just bad.

"If you don't get moist watching it, well, I don't know what to tell you. It's a moving film."- Ray Bentley (Via Signal to Noise)

Seriously, what's with them plugging that DVD the whole game? That's about the 5th mention.

"Arrington went AIRborne to pull that one in"- Brad Nessler

"Which one would you be Paul"

"I'd be the Money"

"I guess that makes Griese the sexy and me the dirty"

- Brad Nessler (Via Matt)

"The office package would shrink tremendously".
"We've got a small package just for him".- Brad Nessler (Via Anon)

Announcer reading some fans painted during the New Hampshire-JMU game....

"We've got an O, a U, a K....what does that spell?- Mr. Announcer Guy (It's actually Dukes)
"I think that's a D and it spells Dukes."- Mr. Analyst Guy

"Tomatoes weren't around when Paterno started here."- Mike Patrick (Via Signal to Noise)

"That's not even a dead cat bounce, that's no bounce at all."- Todd Blackledge (Via Phil)

I heard this one live too.....what the hell does that even mean? Is that some old saying from 1912???

"Dead cat bounce" is a term used by stock traders. My wife used to be a trader at Charles Schwab and she was impressed by that usage.A dead cat bounce is when a stock falls like...oh...Michigan's football program then goes up a skosh when bottom feeders buy it. So that's a very nice analogy! Well challenged, Blackledge!!!!- smed

Well then.....good work Todd. I take it back.

"Well, save me a beer there, Lisa, I'll be down in a few minutes." - Brent Musberger (Via Signal to Noise)

"As the kids say in pop culture, Moreno is NOW. He's now." - Mark Jones (Via Dirk Diggler)