(posted by OMDQ)

While AA was taking one for the team today and watching hours and hours of college football so he could comment on the horrible nature of the broadcasting (poor guy, being forced to view all those games), I was sitting in my in-laws' living room, watching the Sox-Yankees on their widescreen TV, and doing much the same with the announce team of Josh Lewin and Tim McCarver. And boy, did those two toss out a few gems:

"He looks more like Dane Cook than Dane Cook." - Lewin on Sox general manager Theo Epstein - I have no idea what Lewin could have meant by this, other than the fact that Epstein is fairly young and was wearing a hat. It is not known when that particular look was patented by Dane Cook.

"It's hard to pitch around a catcher because they're used to calling pitches to pitch around hitters." - McCarver
"Kind of like, 'You know that I know that you know that I know?'" - Lewin
"Exactly." - McCarver - Who's on first, again?

"It's reassuring to know that in your life, you can have no more than 32 root canals." - McCarver - They were talking about dentistry leading up to this (Terry Francona's lengthy procedure to fix a crown), but still...that's about the most useless information ever presented on a baseball broadcast.

"What a clutch hitter." - McCarver - The hitter in question? David Ortiz. The "clutch hit"? A single that sent Jacoby Ellsbury from first to third. The inning? Somewhere around the sixth. In short: there was nothing clutch about the hit.

"If the Tigers catch fire and make the playoffs, do you consider Magglio Ordonez for MVP?" - Lewin - No. You do not. Playoffs or not, Alex Rodriguez has been the most valuable player on any team in all of baseball this season.

"A lot of people have compared Ellsbury to Grady Sizemore." - McCarver - I've heard the comparisons to Johnny Damon, but Sizemore? That's news to me.

"Edwar Ramirez, no D. Kinda like the New York Giants. Ooh, did I say that? Sorry." - Lewin - Okay, this one was funny.

"In 1975, of course, Fred Lynn was the only player ever to win the Most Valuable Player and Rookie of the Year awards in the same year." - McCarver - Tim McCarver has never heard of Ichiro Suzuki.

And my personal favorite...

"His ball is moving all over the place." - McCarver - What, not that funny? Consider that the pitcher was Chien-Ming Wang and you get the following...

"Wang's ball is moving all over the place." - Now THAT'S funny.