I missed most of the CAVS/Pistons game last night but apparently it was a Barn Barner (that's what Chuck Barkley calls it). The late night game was a good one as Dallas managed to turn the ball over 3 times in the last 1:30, and blew a chance to take the series. The announcing in the second was actually pretty good. Marv "The Perv" Albert is always stellar and rarely makes mistakes, and Steve Kerr is actually a good color comentator. The only awful thing is seeing Ms. Reggie Miller (Cheryl) stalking the sidelines. She's really not that bad and asks easy boring questions....unlike Jim Gray.....but I just can't stand to look at her.

The highlight of the night was supposed to be one Kobe Bean Bryant (i'm not kidding that's really his middle name) in Studio for the Halftime and Post Game shows on TNT. The Mamba was supposedly going to respond to Charles Barkley's criticism of him in Game 7 of the Phoenix series. Just to recap Barkley called Kobe "selfish" for not shooting more in the second half (he had 3 shots 0 points). Apparently after the show Kobe and Barkley texted back and forth about the game.

Well the conversation was less than exciting. I would actually compare it to watching paint dry, but here's an excerpt, "We had a strategy that worked very well for us in three games," Bryant said. "We tried to keep the strategy going in Game 7, and the other games as well, but it didn't work for us. But we're out there to try and win, so to label me as being selfish is something I had to take up with Charles." Chuck Barkley then said that the stategy obviously wasn't working and they were done with it.

The good stuff started after all of the games were done and the highlights began. Apparently after the Cavs won Uber-Douche Anderson Varejao, in celebratory mode, popped his teammate Damon "I was the most worthless Free Agent Signing in the Offseason" Jones right in the grill. I couldn't find a pic or video of the hit, but trust me it was hilarious. Damon Jones looked like he was going to cry. (Since I can't find a photo please enjoy this shot of Guaran-Sheed instead.)

Well the best part was after TNT showed the highlight, and Ernie Johnson was taking them to commercial. Kenny "The Original Jet" (apparently Jason Terry likes to steal nicknames) starts to say that was a nice punch. Kobe jumps in and exclaims, "Hah, that was a nice sucker punch!" This is coming from the guy who was quoted as saying he's the Black Mamba and he wants to kill everyone.

Side Note: I know Kyra Sedgwick is the wife of Kevin Bacon but can someone please get her a normal role in a normal movie? I was watching the 19,885th ad for the Closer and it got me thinking about movies that she was in. And I could only think of one....Secondhand Lions. Before you judge, watch the movie, it's good. Anyways, I did some research, and in order here are her movies starting from 2000: Labor Pains, What's Cooking, Hudson's Law, Personal Velocity: Three Portraits, Door to Door, Just a Kiss, Behind the RedDoor, Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman, The Woodsman, Cavedweller, Something the Lord Made, and Loverboy. That's Six Degrees of Crap right there.

So minus the Kobe comment, Damon Jones getting punched in the head, and Rasheed looking like a tard there really isn't much to say. Oh besides this, which I will give the quote of the day nod to. Charles, Kenny, and Kobe were talking about players they knew they would have good games against. Good ole' Chuck turned the question around and said, "Some guys I know I would kill, but you know who I could never play against? Popeye Jones" That is this handsome fellow right here, and a candidate for the Kurt Busch ear staple surgery.

Kobe actually makes a good host, but he's way too serious. In fact he's so serious I can't take him seriously. At the end of the show he stated that the reason he's changing his number from 8 to 24 because it was the first number he wore when he came over from Italy, and also because he wants to "Dominate, 24/7". When he used the word Dominate all I could think about is that poor girl in Colorado and I well up and have to take deep breaths and go for a walk. Poor, Poor little girl. The Mamba has struckith again.....and will continue to do so......24/7.

In the previous post I said Doug Collins is quickly becoming one of my most hated people. Let me elaborate a little.....I still blame him and one Michael Jeffery Jordan for making one of my first jobs out of college dreadful. The two of them single, rather double-handedly put the Washington Wizards in a tailspin they are just now getting out of.

I had to watch a lineup of Jordan, Jerry Stackhouse, Tyronn Lue, Christian Laettner, Byron Russell, and Charles Oakley struggle to try to make the playoffs each year. Well I got a sales job with the Wizards the year after Jordan was forced out and Gilbert Arenas came in. Over 75% of the calls I made to previous "fans" explained that they would no longer support the team because of the way Jordan was "treated". I would literally get in arguments on the phone with them because I would say I would rather take a playoff series than watch an over the hill legend limp around the court. This point is evidenced by two games I went to.....

1) Jordan's third to last game against the Hawks. Jordan had 17 points, but the key was he had a shot at the buzzer to win the game. I remember him getting a wide open look at the FT Line and thinking this would be a defining moment in my Sports Life. Well Jordan bricked that last shot and everyone in attendance felt like they missed something great. They had just lost to the lowly Hawks 101-100, and would proceed to lost to the Knicks and Sixers to close out the season. (In his last game Jordan scored 15 in a loss to the Sixers)

2) Game 6 of the 1st Round Playoff series last year against the Bulls. Besides seeing Walt Williams beat the #7 Tarheels with a buzzer beater courtside, and George Mason beating UConn, this is the most exciting game i've seen live. Somehow Hinrich threw an inbounds pass off of Chris Duhon's back (I sense a theme of Duke F-ups in the NBA) and Jared Jeffries raced down court for a two hand slam. The Bulls then ran a play for Nocioni and he missed a three, Tyson Chandler idiotically took a 2-point shot, and then came the most beautiful sight.....Gilbert Arenas (the same man who I argued to those asses would lead the Wizards to playoffs) grabbed the rebound and threw the ball into the crowd. As confetti flooded the Phone Booth's (MCI Center) floor and fireworks exploded as the buzzer sounded I just started hugging random fans in the upper deck. (My favorite random stat of the game is that Lawrence Funderburke had 2 points in 8 minutes of play....I have no idea how L Fun got playing time in the playoffs)















Now which of those games sounds like it was more fun? There take that random Wizards bandwagon fans!!! And take that Douglas Collins and MJJ! Okay I feel better now......on to the Awful Announcing.

I'm going to count these down in Letterman format....but my Top 10 will actually be funny. But first a little background on our announcer-du-jour Mr. Paul Douglas Collins. Before Dougie got Hair Plugs and dyed his hair Blonde (seriously wtf!?!), he was most notably remembered for being one of the best players for the 1972 United States national basketball team. The United States was undefeated in Olympic basketball competition history, and widely expected to remain undefeated after these Olympics. After Collins had hit two clutch free throws, the time had apparently expired in the gold medal game; the United States had a 50-49 lead and seemed to have secured yet another gold medal. However, in a very controversial move, it was decided by the game's referees that there were still three seconds left to play, allowing the Soviet Union to have one more chance, which they utilized to make a lay-up, and give the United States its first ever Olympic loss by a 51-50 margin. Collins and his teammates have remained upset of the outcome of the game ever since, and refused their silver medals.

Now Collins has every right to be upset at the blatant fix, but this Holier-than-thou ego carried over as a coach and as an announcer. On to the countdown!

10. Doug's Keys of the game for the Suns......."The Suns must Rebound/The Suns must shoot 3's better." That is what was put up on the screen, but Collins says nothing. So what you're saying Dougie is that the team who rebounds and scores will win? Great insight Joe Theisman.
9. "A monday night Game 7 would really help the Suns." Doug, you think?! It's would be a home game ass. But how about they just win the next two and win the series?
8. "Game 5, such a deciding game." Well if the series was 3-1 yes, but it's 2-2. Maybe the Monday night Game 7 would be a bit more deciding.
7. "They are doubling Steve Nash and what the Suns are doing is going to the open areas to make shots" No really?!?!
6. "Nash might only score 6 to 8 points tonight" Besides the fact that Nash is the MVP, he is averaging almost 20 points in the playoffs. The other reason this is retarded is because he said it with 9:31 left in the 1st Quarter!!! (Nash had 9 points in the 2nd Quarter alone)
5. He repeatedly calls Vladamir Radmanovic "Vlade" and then throws out this gem, "With Vlade Divac and Vlade Radmanovic were starting the Vlade Revolution" Yes Douglas, two people with that name comprise a revolution.
4. "The Phoenix Suns are on a 8-1 Run!!!" He said this with such inflection that I thought it was going to be something ridiculous like a 40-4 run. Question PDC, can a run be defined as 8-1?
3. "Being a guy who scored in this league a little bit it's important to get to the Free Throw Line" I really only added this one because it shocked me so much last night, but today I looked up his stats and they weren't that bad. 17.9 ppg over 8 seasons in Philly. But his ego oozed out of the TV with that statement.
2. "Multiple Shots will wear you down." I don't even know how to disect this one. He didn't even specify whether this was on offense or defense.

and drum roll please.....................

At #1 we have a tie!!!!

"Shawn Marion was at the 3 Point Line and tipped the ball in....that's when he's at his best!"
Okay this is just ridiculous. When I double checked the play the Suns only got two points. But he's also saying that Shawn Marion is the best when he's at the three point line? This is the same Shawn Marion that had 6 offenisve rebounds last night right? The same Matrix that shot 31% from behind the arc in the regular season, and 21% in the playoffs? Okay just checking.

"You are in good voice tonight"~ Paula Abdul
I really like to specialize in sports, but this was just too blatantly ridiculous. But if I was on Pain Killers and taking shots from the giant plastic Coke glass on the table in front of me I couldn't function either.

....So there you have it. I'll let you make the call on who wins the battle. More Basketball tonight, and I can only hope that John Thompson is doing one of the games.

Let me start by saying that the Clippers/Suns game ended at 220am, so I might not be entirely on my game (as if I ever am). With that said I'm so glad I did not miss that game.

• Two overtimes
• Jack Nicholson at a Clippers game, and not sitting in the front row. He apparently flew over on a jet with James L. Brooks (Simpsons and my fav Spanglish!) and pulled second row seats for a Suns game. Pretty Impressive.
• Jack Nicholson saying to Carl Sager (interviewer in the crowd) that he was only there to make sure Charles Barkley didn't get rough with his man Kobe during halftime. (Somehow Kobe never showed and is coming on tonight) Everything this guy says is cool.
• Billy Crystal not sitting in the front row either but with a guy who looked like a gay Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
• Penny Marshall looking HUGE and being yelled at by drunk Suns Fans.
• A ridiculous shot by Raja Bell to force the first overtime (somehow Dunleavy thought he had to give Daniel Ewing some PT with the game on the line)
• I won three bets on the game
• Going into a commercial they played Hoobastank and then the commercial had a P.O.D. song for the new X-Men video game. Good combo there TNT. (sad thing is I saw them in concert together)
• And some of the worst coaching I've seen in awhile. All around it was amazing

Side Note: How do these coaches still have jobs? Short list: Norv Turner, Marty Shot, Rick Adelman (Guess he doesn't), Dunleavy, Mike Martz.....etc.

Here's the Dunleavy blunder. With the Clippers up three, and ready to suck all of the life out of the American Airlines arena, Dunleavy decides to go with a lineup of Quinton Ross, Daniel Ewing, Shaun Livingston, Cuttino Mobley, and Walter McCarty. That's right Walter "I'm somehow still in the league" McCarty. Apparently this was his idea of a genius defensive lineup. Here's the kicker though they had a foul to give! Meaning they could just shove whoever got the ball into the crowd and the Suns would have to take the ball out again with under 1 second. But instead the genius substitution Ewing lets Raja Bell get the sideline (another idiotic move when the Suns have to shoot a 3) and he nails the shot.

I just don't understand how you don't foul. It happened when Damon Jones beat the Wizards, and it happened in the Mavs/Spurs series. Makes no sense. Here's a great quote from Sam Cassell, "We had a young guy in the game. It's not his fault that Raja made his shot, but we've got to know better in that situation," Cassell said. "We've got a foul to give, we've got to put Raja Bell in the fifth row with the popcorn man, but we didn't do it."

I'll be back later today with the announcing woes (and there are some gems) of one Paul Douglas Collins (Doug Collins) who is slowly creeping up my chart of most hated people ever.

Awful Announcing is an independent Sports Blog written by Maryland native and James Madison University graduate Brian Powell. Powell got his start in the Sports Arena as an intern for the WUSA's Philadelphia Charge and went onto work for the Washington Wizards in early 2004. While those jobs were definitely rewarding they weren't exactly paying the bills and Powell moved into marketing for a large Homebuilder in the Washington DC Area before starting this website in May of 2006. In early 2007 Powell also signed on to be one of the many outstanding contributors to the Sporting News' new blogging project. There he provides Weekend Sports Television previews and reviews as well as many other articles throughout the week.

Started as a hobby, Awful Announcing quickly became one of the most talked about and linked blogs on the Internet. The site focuses mainly on the perils and follies of the Sports Media, but also critiques and reviews those within the Sports World. The site has been mentioned on Sports Center, ESPN Radio, WFAN, and various newspapers throughout the Country. AA was also an honorable mention for Best Non-Corporate Sports Web Site in SI.com Richard Deitsch's annual Media Awards in 2007. The website is also widely known for a penchant of finding videos like no other and catching media members in humorous and/or shocking moments. The site prides itself on having items that no other outlet does and will continue to do so for years to come.

Some of the Sports stories credited to or broken by AA.com include: The USC Song Girl Incident, The Dana Jacobson Vodka Incident, The On-Air Breakdown of Yankee Announcer Suzyn Waldman, Mike Golic's On-Air Admission of Steroid Use, Matt Vasgersian Trashing The City Of St. Louis, and Eric Cartman Introducing The Colorado Buffaloes

Weekend Editor: Signal To Noise (S2N)

I've been telling friends for years that I was going to start a site where I vented my frustrations on Sports Announcers, Color Commentators, and SportsCenter Hosts. This is that attempt...hope you enjoy. (and if you don't please send good hate mail)

What finally sent me over the edge was a comment from the Biggest Offender of Awful Announcing one Hubert Jude Brown or Hubie as the basketball world knows him. For those of you who don't know Hubie he is an ANCIENT announcer for the NBA, a former coach in both the NBA and ABA, and apparently does not know how to form sentences.


In the first playoff game in the Wizards/Cavs series the Wizards decided to not guard UCONN's own Donyell Marshall....who at some point in his career decided to gain 60 lbs. and stand in the exact same corner of the floor every offensive possession. (This Wizards trend of no defense continued throughout the series) Well Mr. Marshall proceeded to hit back to back threes, and the Wizards called timeout.

Now normal blunders during live play are somewhat understandable. Well besides the fact that these Champions of Industry are paid millions of dollars to be on television. Our friend Hubie had an entire commercial break to warm up his telestrator and come up with this gem......

(Circling Donyell Marshall in white) "Now what Marshall is showing us here is something that is important within this series. Wideopenshotability."

Oh you think?!?! You think taking wide-open shots with no one on you when you're the slowest guy on the court with an American name (Zydrunas Ilgauskas does not count) is a key to the series? Come on Hubie.......

From time to time actual mainstream media talks to or mentions Awful Announcing. The following is a collection of those interviews and links.

Awful Announcing Mention On Sports Center (AA.com)
Awful Announcing Mention On Bill Simmons' Podcast (ESPN.com)
Awful Announcing On ESPN Radio (AA.com)
Best Non-Corporate Sports Web Site 2007- Honorable Mention (Sports Illustrated)
Awful Announcing Mention As A Blog To Watch In The New York Post (NY Post)
Awful Announcing On Gus Johnson Sports (Gus Johnson Sports)
Awful Announcing Mention In The New York Times (NY Times)
Awful Announcing Mention In The Wall Street Journal (WSJ Online)
Awful Announcing's Greatest Hits (Ballhype)
Blog Rankings (Ballhype)
Everday Is A Roast (Chicago Sports Weekly)
Encoding For A Living: The Online Sports Video King (the story of Brian Powell) (Sports Illustrated)

Other Mentions Without Links: Palm Beach Post, Chicago Sports Review (Top 10 Blog Stories), The Capital (Annapolis, MD), SLAM Magazine, Sporting News

Blogger Interviews: Awful Announcing (The Big Picture)
SMJ Interview- Brian Powell, Awful Announcing (Sports Media Journal)
Interview With Awful Announcing (Larry Brown Sports)
Mondesi Interview: Brian Powell of Awfulannouncing.com (Mondesi's House)
Brian Powell of Awful Announcing Joins the DL

Other Interviews Without Links: ESPN 710 (Los Angeles), 790AM The Ticket (Miami), 1570AM The Game (Houston), Sporting News Radio