When did Chauncey Billups gain weight?

John Elway's Nutrisystem "BEFORE" photo.

damn I have to pretend to like you assholes by wearing a Nuggets jersey?

I am getting paid cash to do this, right?

Jay Cutler was scheduled to do this. I wonder why he cancelled...

After yet another patented comeback, John Elway announces he won't skip the Preakness Stakes.

Once again leading by example, John Elway shows Brett Favre how to properly come out of retirement.

That stick is shoved WAY up my butt tonight.

AA - did you see Berman on SportsCenter last night????

FEED ME!!!

I look gay in this baby blue, don't I?

Where's Gary Kubiak when I need him? He always did menial tasks for me when we played together.

I think I just saw my third wife in the stands.

"In closing, I would like to thank you fine people of Denver for your support, and in thanks I am offering 3.75% APR on all cars purchased before the Lakers beat the Thuggets errr Nuggets in 4 games."

I'm God. And don't you forget it.

What do you mean, "Did I buy this jersey at Lane Bryant??"

Is that a horse over there? Ah, it's just my reflection in a mirror.

Please buy a car from me - My mansion doesn't heat itself.

BUUURRRPP!!!

What's that -- MY GOD, THAT'S BRETT FAVRE'S MUSIC!

"Mine That Bird" makes his first public appearance since winning the Derby.

After seeing a picture of Chris Berman's swamp ass, John Elway made sure to wear his extra large Nuggets jersey, specially designed to cover his...

Man, I've got 3, 5, and 7 layer nachos under here!!

I don't know why the Nuggets had a Stanley Roberts jersey, but it came in handy tonight!

"Heck, if Favre can come back out of retirement, so can I."

Gary Busey: All you critics who say I don't belong here, I'm going to pull your endocrine system out of your body.

John Elway(to himself): The economy just had to tank on me and leave me with this weird watch and reduce me to announcing the Nuggets' starting lineup. Well, atleast the Cutler comparisons are done.

wtf is this, playoffs in denver? in any sport? after i left?

And when me and Jay Cutler face one another in the squared circle, you can bet on this, Denver: It's Elway or the Highway!

Finally, the Nuggets have someone in uniform that can actually pass the ball.

Feeeeeelings. Whoa whoa whoa feeeeeeeeliiings

I'm due in November!

So, if I make this shot from half court I get the WHOLE bucket of chicken, right?

Bring me your finest meats and cheeses.