So I'm actually going to be doing "The Man's" Work today. For your viewing and reading pleasure I have provided you with this homework assignment:

First assignment.....Compare and Contrast these two videos. Very similar eh?

Video #1

Video #2

Second assignment......Read these fabulous articles that will make you pee yourself:

The Mighty MJD has an IM conversation on the draft. I do not agree with him on Jay Bilas, but click the links. (Not while you are work though!)

Eddie Griffin was caught in a "not so flattering" situation. I actually saw a car parked in St.Louis once with porn playing, but never while moving. (FYI-Don't yell "Hell Yeah" to anyone in St.Louis....they DO NOT take it as a compliment.)

Off The Baggie shows us what there is to do in the fabulous 39th State of our Union.

The Roscoe Report rounds things out with a beautiful poem from our new friend Andrea. We can only hope he is as good at writing poetry as one Jonathan Clay Redick.

Please review everything above and leave answers in the comment section. THIS ASSIGNMENT WILL BE GRADED!

Have a great 4th. I might be up for some MLB live-blogging, so if you're around stop by.

So with an Announcing troupe as stellar as Dan Patrick, Greg Anthony, Jay Bilas, Stephen A. Smith, Stu Scott, Rachel Nichols, Dickie V, Fran Fraschilla, Steve Jones, and a random Jim Gray you knew I'd have some gems for you today. Here they are Clint Eastwood Style.

The Good:

“Teams in the SEC didn’t even guard him”- Jay Bilas on Rondo.
“Golden State is like a donut. They have everything but that middle”- Greg Anthony, This was a well thought out jab.
“Dan I was sitting in the back listening to your pithy comments waiting for you to say something nice about our draft picks”- Stern to Dan Patrick, Stern is obviously not a fan of the newly Dyed Dan Patrick
“Rodman was 6’9” guarding centers….not 6’6”.”- Greg Anthony in response to Bilas’ comment that Balkman is a Rodman/Artest Type.
“He keeps both teams in the game”- Dan Patrick on Spanish Chocolate
“Looks like Mark Jones just took a charge from a fan”-DP, “Yea, Eminem”-JB on Mark Jones interview with Knicks’ Fans in the crowd., Jay Bilas was on his game...especially when throwing awkward racial comments at Knicks fans.

The Bad:

“What did Simone Augustus tell you about this night?”- Stu Scott to Tyrus Thomas I have no comment for this whatsoever.
“Late Bloomer…wants to be a chef. Well he’s cooking now in the Bay Area”- DP on Patrick O’Bryant. Just terrible.
“Looks to shoot first and pass 3rd, 4th, and 5th.”-JB describing Quincy Douby I've analyzed this one over and over, and I still don't understand what Quincy does 2nd?
“He’s a sleeper”- Spike Lee describing Balkman
“Jordan is most definitely in the decision process.”- Rachel Nichols on Charlotte
“Metallica is coming to ChaTown.”- Stu Scott on Morrison going to Charlotte Where exactly is ChaTown? Please don't let this be a trend like the "Nation" crap. I can't bear anymore Raptors Nation talk.
“It’s gonna be an Awesome Baby Year in the NCAAs. I’ve got to go to bed.”- Dickie V
“Only three teams called his agent.”- Fran Fraschilla on Minnesota’s Loukas Mavrokefalidis
“Isiah is good in the draft I will say THAT much”- SAS, He said this 40 times apparently keeping the door open for Isiah to come back on his show and make fun of Bill Simmons. Speaking of Bill Simmons.....

Side Note: I know I've been ragging on Simmons a lot lately and I think I've had the final straw. A staple every draft has been his Draft Diary, which he is in the tenth year doing. Well if you haven't read it this year....Don't. There is no analysis on the players, zero funny/witty comments, and he weeps through the page about not getting Foye. The thing was a total of nine printed pages in giant ESPN font.....I had 11 pages in 10pt font!?!?! And he's the professional? Riiight....Bill Simmons has officially jumped the shark. Okay rant over....

....and.....drumroll please....The Ugly:

“I haven’t seen him play that much.”- SAS on Rudy Gay Just tell the entire world you're an ass right now. One of the best players in the draft, and you haven't even seen him play?!?! I bet you have great insight on Hotam Yalperin then.
“Randy Foye…raised by his grandmothers. Talk about a difficult situation.”- Dan Patrick This was a very awkward comment at the time because he gave us no background at all.
“It’s like a Lids store at the mall with a 2 for 1 Sale”-JB describing the trades.
“Get your mom game up. I’ll do anything for my children as long as it’s legal.”- Ms. Williams,mom of Marcus Williams.
“They like a lot of what you are saying on the set.”- Rachel Nichols on Adam Morrison. Thanks for YOU'RE opinion Rach.
“He was spotted bagging groceries.”- Dan Patrick on Joel Freeland

....and my personal favorite courtesy of one Rachel Alexander Nichols....
“Why are you here right now?”- Rachel Nichols to the Best Basketball Player of All-time.

Do you even ask that to any athlete? Nevertheless, to His Airness? Seriously, Mike can you get Oak on the phone and call in a hit? As you can probably tell I haven't really liked her up until now, but that's just ridiculous. Another thing that is crazy....She never blinks! Ever! It's crazy....check it out sometime. Welcome to the AA HOF Mrs. Nichols.

Here is the rundown of some of the best comments posted during the draft last night. I appreciate every single one of you for helping me out last night.

We'll do this Dave Letterman style....and links to the sites are embedded in the names. If you get a moment check out some of their postings, as always there is some great stuff out there. The Sports Blogging Community is just amazing to me sometimes. If you posted and your site wasn't linked into your name please feel free to add to the comments section and I will update this posting later in the day. Here we go:

Honorable Mention: Dtoxic said...Speaking of Dicky V, I'm hungry and I want some Digornos. 7:10 PM
Irene Done said...The player of the month in France? Excellent! 9:28 PM In response to my Wizards drafting a foreigner. Just twist the dagger a little more Irene.

10. Mike said...people already booing the knicks, awesome. 7:37PM. Ah yes Mike seemed like a preview of the night at the time, but we had no idea what Zeke had in store for ues.

9. Stuart Scott said...I am an embarrassment to the human race, 7:45 PM. I can't be sure if this is the real Stu Scott or not. I guess we'll never know.

8. Mini Me said...Umm Awfulannoucner we need to have a talk...your profile says one of your favorite movies is Major League III. Can this possibly be true?, 7:12 PM. No Comment, but I will say this....any movie that has Scott Bakula, Corbin Bernsen, Dennis Haysbert, and Ted McGinley in it can't be that bad, can it? Umm no? Okaaaay, moving on....

7. Irene Done said...You know that scene toward the end of Moonstruck where the grandfather is crying because he's so confused? That's me after all these trades. Welcome to Dallas Mr Ager.
11:26 PM. Thanks for diffusing the Major League 3 reference with a Moonstruck reference. Only the draft could bring out comments like this.

6. Claude said...Fantastic rundown. Great job! I've noticed that if you aren't carefully listening to JB (Jay Bilas), everything he says seems intelligent and authoritative, and you'll find yourself nodding your head in a trance of agreement. Only when really thinking about what he is saying does one realize about half his comments are utterly nonsensical and/or completely contradicting prior statements. And that's why I love him. 2:23 AM. Me too Claude....Me too

5. Spirit of Jack Morris said...Very well done my friend...And yes, Typing for 5 hours is surprisingly exhausting...Now beer me!!! Nothing out of the ordinary except that this came into my email box at 5:15am! Too funny.

4. Tom said...Bargnani won me over with this statement explaining why the New Yorkers were booing him."I from Europe." 7:47 PM. Welcome to the Marketing Juggernaut that IS the Toronto Raptors....let's see you make this one sell Colangelo.

3. Tom said...The one rule of the NBA draft: White players must be compared to white players, even if unfairly so. 7:11 PM. So very true, perfect example on ESPN.com "If Jake Voskuhl can make it in the NBA, Paul Davis should be able to as well."

2. Tom said...Rachel Nichols is reporting from a mall, judging by the sound. 7:14 PM.
Irene Done said...And Dickie V is reporting from a whorehouse, judging by the curtain.
7:20 PM. Great reader banter there. The echo in the place was very eerie. But then again a peck like Rachel Nichols needs all the help she can get.

1. Tom said...Dan Patrick assumes that because Dick Vitale's name ends with a vowel, that he must be a Bargnani fan. That's like assuming all Jetta owners love hiking. 7:23 PM. Tom came fast and furious with the comments, and then disappeared into the night. I'm pretty sure he was busy writing Haikus.

(Thanks again everyone.)

Morning everyone, welcome to the Aftermath. So last night was crazy. I don't remember the draft EVER going 5 hours before, but we made it. I'm sorting through all the comments and analysis while on 3.5 hours of sleep, so bear with me. Here's the lineup for today:

• Best Comments of the Night from you the Viewer
• Best Comments of the Night from your Announcing Team
• Draft Grades and Analysis

It's going to be slow going today as I try to figure out these trades. I'm still reeling from the six Portland deals and Minnesota dealing away every player, and somehow ending up with Foye, Craig Smith, and some guy named Louuuuuuukas Mavrokefalidis. And don't even get me started on the Knicks. One thing I didn't notice, until I was looking at the photos, Will Blalock was at the event! And came on stage! How bad would it have sucked if he didn't get selected?

Until later, I leave you with this http://www.nba.com/draft2006/williams_blog06.html. It's Marcus Williams Blog from the past week, and contains these gems.

• "The most exciting part of the whole draft process is the first couple of weeks of tryouts. By now, it’s just a little tiring and I’m kind of ready to get it over with." Good thing to say on NBA.com when people are questioning your work ethic.
• "I’ve made it! I’m officially a New Jersey Net. Even though I was picked 22nd, I don’t think everything is about the pick and what number you go. Chris Paul said something along those lines today. He said during last year’s draft, he thought he would go No. 2 to Atlanta, and he didn’t." Right. You're comparing a top five pick to yourself...someone who was projected 13-25. Perfect comparison.

Beer- Check, Laptop- Check, Notes- Check, Viewers from Deadspin- Check, Jokes- Check, Wes Unseld Bullets Throwback- Check. Let's do this thing.

6:40: First off....I'm proposing a social to be taken by everyone who is on right now or anyone who sees this. Anyone out there?

6:53: So I thought there would be pre-Draft coverage starting at 630 but it doesn't start until 7. Let's hope Stephen A. Smith is ready to go.

7:00: We're live at MSG. Can you see the real me? I'm auditioning for the part of Live-Blogger. Our hosts tonight....Dan Patrick, Jay Bilas, Steve A Smith, Greg Anthony, and most certainly Dick Vitale.

7:03: Nothing I'd rather see than the Toronto War Room......exciting things happening in Canada.

7:06: First Jay Bilas comment of the night, "Tyrus Thomas is a freakish athlete" I'm sure that's what Thomas is going for. Frannie F is with us tonight, and almost botches the first euro name of the night.

7:10: Bucher and Katz are with us as well. And the Hobbit Rachel Nichols is on hand to give us this gem, "Jordan is most definitely in the decision process" No Really Rach?

7:13: First Dickie V sighting, and of course he's yelling about someone. I do agree with him on Thomas though. Just look at how he dominated Shelden Williams in the Tourney. Apparently he hates Euros too.

7:15: So the trade details are out......Theo Ratliff/Telfair/and a future pick for Raef Lafrentz/Dan Dickau/and the #7. Yea Steve Blake! Here comes the takeover.

7:21: First commercial is upon us, and surprise it's for ESPN Mobile.....the worst marketing idea ever.

7:22: The State of JJ's back address apparently it's still drunk, and he has hired a lawyer. Wow Adam Morrison has Diabetes I had know idea! (just kidding) Somebody keep a count of how many times that's mentioned. Rudy Gay uses the word "deservant". How does UConn prepare you for the league? "The coaching....coach is really good"

7:26: As the commentators have noted, there seems to be a giant echo in MSG tonight. And it's Mr. Echo from the show Lost. On a side note, Rachel Nichols does not echo because she is a Sprite. Hey I found a way to tie in tonight's sponsor.

7:32: "Yea I cried.....so what.....and I'm going to cry again. I hope I never lose that intensity."

7:35: They are ready for their close-ups. And here's are man D. Stern....I miss the Stache'...maybe Morrison will help him bring it back. TORONTO'S ON THE CLOCK!

7:38: Fran Frashcilla says Bargnani's impact will be best in year's 3,4,5. On a side note, Bargs plays for a team called Beneton...that's funny.....his name is Andrea too.
With the first pick in the NBA draft the Raptors select Andrea Bargnani from Italy.

• Bilas "He does not rebound, does not get to the line." Sounds like a number one pick to me.
• "Mota Bene"- Stu Scott, "It's unbelievable. If I"m dreaming....pleasure...in the world...my country....no words." Booooooooooo

7:44: "What are the Chicago Boys going to be doing with this Pick?"-DP Blazers are drafting and trading Aldridge to the Blazers for the #4 and Viktor Khrapya.....great name.

• "Thomas has great feet"- Jay Bilas. Awww that's cute.
• "He's High Cut"-JB. What does that even mean?
• "He has a weak low base"-JB
• The NYK Fans are absolutely insane. But I would be too.

7:48: After an awfully boring interview with Bryan Collangelo. With the 3rd pick in the NBA draft MJ and the Cats take Adam "Van" Morrison.

• "He's a gym rat. Type-1 diabetes"-DP That's twice
• "He's got a real hunger to score"-JB Really? I hate scoring in Basketball
• "Yell! Yell! Yell!- SAS
• "They liked a lot of what you guys are saying on the set have said"- RNichols I have no thoughts of my own at all.
• "Chris Dudley played 15 years in the NBA with diabetes"- Stu Wow a Dudley reference.
• "Metalica is coming to CHA Town"-Stu "He shed some tears when Rage broke up"-DP Wow I don't even know where to start. Where exactly is ChaTown?

7:56: With the fourth pick the Bulls (through Portland) select Tyrus Thomas.

• JB again with the freakish comment
• Someone was very happy that their baby made it to the Association. Lots of yelling.
• "PORTLAND DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING!!!!-SAS
• I agree with SAS
• "What did Simone Augustus tell you about this night?" Umm....right. Take the advice from someone in the WNBA Draft.
• No Struggle.....No Progress

8:01: With the fifth pick the Hawks select Shelden Williams.

• The only team possibly dumber than the Trailblazers....You're Atlanta Hawks!
• Dick Vitale is actually doing okay this broadcast. He'll fall apart soon.
• "He was telling me be who you are. Shucksess."- Shelden Williams
• "Going sthrough a new shituation my teammatsches."- Shelden Williams

8:06: With the sixth pick the TWolves select Brandon Roy.

• A Detleff reference from DP.....classic.
• "The Houston Astro....er....Rockets."- Ric Bucher
• "You actually worked as a Janitor."- Stu Wow Stu did his homework.
• Rudy Gay is going nuts right now.

8:13: With the seventh pick the Blazers (through Boston) select Randy Foye.

• Great pick.....I'm glad they didn't go with the Gayness.
• "Randy Foye raised by his grandmothers....talk about a difficult situation"-DP Umm What?
• Don't hold any punches back Dan.....good lord.
• Get rid of gun toting Telfair for Foye. Now they only need to frame a murder on Randolph and Miles.
• Would most like to meet his parents......I think that says it all.

8:23: With the eighth pick the Rockets trade the pick to Memphis for Shane Battier and select Rudy Gay for the Griz.

• "Has every tool and every piece of ability"- JB If that's the case why wasn't he picked first?
• "Dan we don't have enough time to count deez diamonds"-Stu
• Houston just lost out on everyone, and there only backup plan was Shane Battier?

8:28: With the ninth pick the Warriors select Patrick O'Bryant.

• "Late bloomer....wants to be a chef. He's cooking now in the Bay Area"-DP My early favorite for comment of the night.
• "He has great hands"- JB
• "Golden State is like a donut. They have everything but that middle"-GA
• "Nickname is Big Pappy and Big Peazie"- Stu
• "Cheesecake works....both parents played NAIA ball." Good Transition.

Trade: ***Brandon Roy to Portland and Randy Foye to the Timberwolves***

• Umm is this a do over? Why didn't they just draft them where they wanted?

8:35: With the tenth pick the Sonics select Saer Sene.

• David Stern with the first voice crack of the night.
• Must Improve: Experience Umm right....that's in his control.
• This is an awful pick to be experimenting with. Don't they have 3 centers all ready?

8:43: With the eleventh pick the Magic select JJ Redick.

• Alert the checkpoints in Orlando.
• "In twenty years on ESPN I've never seen a player take this much abuse" Dickie V If I wrote poetry I'd almost expect it.
• Greg Anthony is on point tonight with his comments.
• "Make no mistake abtout it.....YELL. YELL. YELL. Howevah."- SAS

8:48: With the twelfth pick the Hornets select Hilton Armstrong.

• "Big Body"-JB I think Jay Bilas has some man crushes tonight
• Greg likes this pick I hate it. Ronnie Brewer is a much bigger need.
• At age sixteen totaled his mother's car. If only he could have been on a team with JJ.

***It just registered to me that Sene is already drafted...leaving the Wizards one of the better PGs to draft. I'm officially stoked. They'll F it up though***

8:54: With the thirteenth pick the Sixers select Thabo Sefolosha and trade him to Chicago.

• Thought Stern was going to tell us something we already knew, but he throws out that Boston is getting Foye in the deal. Boston now has Telfair and Foye. I'm amazed at the Blazers......just horrible.
• Thabo.....great name.
• "He's twenty two years old and very seasonal"-FF
• "Considered a jack of all trades"-DP
• "It's like a Lids store at the mall with all of the hats"-JB Wow.

8:58: With the fourteenth pick the Jazz select Ronnie Brewer.

• "Dan I was sitting in the back I was listening to your pithy comments waiting for you to say something nice about our draft picks."
• "I always liked Paul Taglibue better than you."
• Wow....what an exchange!
• "He's a transition athlete"-JB
• Does Michael Jordan have to be brough up in every interview?

9:03: With the fifteenth pick the Hornets select Cedric Simmons.

• Another Good Pick here.....Upside....Huge Upside.
• At this point I don't know who's on what team.
• "He's a kid worth taking. He's one of my sleepers." Really? No one thought that at all Dickie....you were the first.
• Childhood Pastimes: Building Tree Houses, and Hunting Squirrels and Rabbits.

9:09: With the sixteenth pick the Bulls select Rodney Carney for the Sixers.

• Oh Yes! Please take Rondo Pacers.....Please! The Wiz need Marcus Williams!
• Apparenlty SAS just rapped his thoughts on Carney
• Carney and Iggy......sick.
• I can't wait until someone takes someone who's already taken with all the confusion.

9:15: With the seventeenth pick the Pacers select Shawne Williams.

• Kharyapa the Rappa is traded.
• Yes! Awful Pick! and the Wiz better take Williams.
• "He's physically weak right now"-JB That's what I look for in a draft pick.
• Graphics mistake Shawne Williams from Wyoming. I think they meant Justin.
• "Hey Larry, here I am putting Larry Bird on hold."-DP Awkward....

9:21: With the eighteenth pick the Wizards select Oleksiy Pecherov.

• F it.....F it all to heck. THE UKRAINE IS WEAK!
• Didn't they say the Wizards needed an inside force? All I've seen in the clip are jump shots.
• Irene Done said...The player of the month in France? Excellent!
• I give up on this team....not really.
• "Spike is in da house"-DP

9:29: With the nineteenth pick the Sactown Kings select Quincy Douby "Brothers".

• Wow....."Quincy is not here, but he come from a great University"- D.Stern
• "Looks to shoot first and pass third, fourth, and fifth"-JB What does he do second? Just stand there?
• New York is on the clock! Let the Boos rain. I hope they select Marcus Williams
• "We got enough backcourt players. We gonna get rid of Francis"- Random Knicks Fan

9:35: With pick twenty the Knicks select Renaldo Balkman.

• We have a trade.....that we already know about. Great suspense.
• Wowo. Oh man that's just comedy. How bad can you get?
• "I'm stunned. This is a second round pick"- JB Amen.
• Has great experience in MSG since he was in back-to-back NITs.
• "I'm almost speechless."- SAS That's impossible.
• "Rodman was 6'9" guarding centers, not 6'6"."-GA
• "He's a sleeper."- Spike Lee

9:41: With pick twenty-one the Suns select Rajon Rondo to most likely trade him to the Celts for the paid contract of Brian Grant.

• Not a bad idea for the Suns.....great move for the Celtics.
• Marcus Williams still waiting.

9:47: With pick twenty two the Nets select Marcus Williams.

• Get your mom game up! "I'll do anything for my children as long as it's legal. He rode it out....he did his thing"- Mrs. Williams
• Dickie V goes crazy....but says nothing about Marcus Williams.
• Skill: Harvesting Honey What? What is that? Someone please explain that to me.

9:51: With pick twenty three the Nets select Josh Boone.

• "I like him as a player except offensively. He thinks too much."- JB
• Great work by the Nets there. Two great players this late in the first.
• They can finally get rid of Jeff McInnis with Williams being picked.

9:56: With pick twenty four the Griz select Kyle "I'm Mike" Lowry.

• "Look out there at the camera"- D Stern to Rudy Gay
• "He plays with controlled abandon. If a fight breaks out he's who you want on your side. He's a Gym Rat."-JB

******UPDATE: Pedro is getting rocked in his return to Boston, 10-2******

10:04: With pick twenty five the Cavs select Shannon Brown

• Great pick here....will be a starter right away.
• Quote from the roommate, "He looks like a Furbie"
• Whoa....a Jim Gray sighting! Has he just been hanging out in LA this whole time for this one draft pick?
• Wow the Bulls are stacked. John Paxson is a genius.

10:09: With pick twenty six the Lakers select Jordan Farmar

• Somehow this is related to the Shaq trade.
• Good PR move by the Lakers.

10:15: With pick twenty seven the Suns move out of the draft entirely and select Sergio Rodriguez for the Blazers who give them cash.

• My man Spanish Chocolate
• "He keeps both teams in the game"- DP
• "You can justify this pick because Renaldo Balkman is off the board"- JB Ha. Nice jab at the Knicks fans JB
• The Blazers are officially of their rocker. Just an awful draft. They had three guards, and now still have three. Jarrett Jack, Steve Blake, and Spanish Chocolate. Wow.

10:20: With pick twenty eight the Mavericks select Maurice Ager.

• Maurice sitting in the crowd in the first row. Always a sketchy move.

10:26: With pick twenty nine the Losers (Knicks) select Loser.

• Actually it's Mardy Collins who isn't a loser, but does NOT fit in that system.
• "Balkman was good but Isiah is a bum"- Loser Knicks Fan
• "Looks like Mark Jones took a charge from a fan"- DP "Yea, Eminem"-JB Jay is slaying NYC right now.

10:31: With pick thirty the Losers (Blazers) select Loser.

• Joel Freeland is the pick out of England
• "He was spotted bagging groceries"- DP Wow. Great pick Blazers. Just amazing.
• Isn't it perfect that the Knicks and Blazers select with the last two picks of the first round.

****END OF THE 1ST ROUND. CRAZY FIRST ROUND....I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE 2ND****

Anyone still with me? Take a break, grab a beer, and let's finish this out. P.S.- Does anyone have a cure for Carpel Tunnel?

Russ Granik comes out to do his last Draft. I hope a crazy Euro is in the crowd and will come down and attack him.....Portland on the Clock! OH JOY!

"It's gonna be an Awesome Baby Year in the NCAAs. I've got to go to bed."- Dickie V

"We had a home run day today"- Steve Patterson, Interim GM.....INTERIM GM

31. Portland- James White......Hahahaha this just gets better.
32. Houston- Steve Novak.....they are looking for a replacement for Eric Piatkowski.

Atlanta on the Clock......here comes another forward.

"Solomon Jones has very long arms"-JB

33. Atlanta- Solomon Jones.....surprise another Forward! The Hawks are officially worse than the Bobcats now.

And another commercial. Looks like the 2nd Round will be full of them.

"Paul Davis is a Pick and Pop Big Man"- JB Huh?

34. LA Clips- Paul Davis......A white big man. That pick will pan out.
35. Toronto- PJ Tucker........Shh the Big 12 Player of the Year is Sleeeeping.
36. Minnesota- Craig Smith....Must Improve: Face up game?
37. Minnesota- Bobby Jones....Ryan Appleby hasn't declared for the draft yet?
38. Golden State- Kosta Perovic

"Golden State just got themselves a backup Center"-FF Woo Hoo....now we're cooking

Billy Knight is the 2nd Worst GM in all sports.

39. Milwaukee- David Noel......great pick. He'll just continue to get better.
40. Seattle- Denham Brown
41. Orlando- James Augustine

Rachel Nichols with Michael Jordan on Adam Morrison, "His whole demeanor about competing" "When he was crying I thought it was a positive"

Rachel, "Why are you here right now?"......great question to ask the BEST BASKETBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME!!!! She is a waste of space.

Stephen A. Smith calls Bob Johnson the "New Donald Sterling" and I couldn't agree more.

42. Cleveland- Daniel Gibson.....great pick at 42. He was a lottery pick at the beginning of the year. Must Improve- Point Guard Skills....ha.
43. Hornets- Marcus De Souza....I have no idea who this is.
44. Magic- Lior Eliyahu.....Umm ditto. Ah Yaaaaaaaa Whoooooo

"Are you still the best shooter on the roster."- DP to Chris Mullin in one of the worst interviews I've ever seen. He asked him the same question twice, and then put him on the spot. But I do think he could outshoot Dunleavy Jr.

45. Pacers- Alexander Johnson.....good value pick here.
46. Utah- Dee Brown....teammed up with Deron Williams.

And another trade...Bobby Jones goes to the sixers. I don't think the TWolves have anyone left that they drafted

Still available: Mike Gansey, Taquan Dean, Pittsnogle, Will Blalock, Brandon Bowman, Hassan Adams, Allan Ray

47. Utah- Paul Milsap.....sleeper pick.
48. Washington- Vladamir Veremeenko.....I give up on this team
49. Denver- Leon Powe.....exactly the guy the Wizards SHOULD have taken. Jesus.

Portland Trades James White to Pacers for Alexander Johnson and a couple of picks.

50. Charlotte- Ryan Hollins.....Great pick at 50. Good insurance if Okafor continues to get hurt.
51. LA Lakers- Cheick Samb.....Umm I thought the center from Senegal was already taken. Guess I was wrong.
52. LA Clippers- Guillermo Diaz....amazing athlete and could be a perfect fit with the Clip Show.

Apparently the marketing in this draft is horrible. And they need a marketing specialist to tell us this? Darren Rovell is pretty slimy looking.

Magic trade Eliyahu to Rockets for Cash. Portland trade Alexander Johnson to Mephis for future second round pick. This is the sixth trade of the evening for Portland!!!

53. Seattle- Yotam Halpein.....more players from Israel
54. New Jersey- Hassan Adams....NJ will win every dunk contest ever.

Denver Nuggets trade Leon Powe to Boston Celtics for future considerations. The Celtics are killing in this draft. I can't believe they are getting away with this.

55. Cleveland- Ejike Ugboaja....Another guy I haven't heard of. I'll tell you this...I did research on the wrong foreign dudes.
56. Toronto- Edin Bavcic....I have no idea.
57. Minnesota- Loukas Mavrokefalidis....I have no idea. "Only three teams called his agent."-FF Hmm....is that telling or what?
58. Dallas- Danilo Pinnock.....talk about a guy who I thought wasn't getting drafted.
59. San Anotonio- Damir Markota
60. Detroit- Will Blalock

And Damir is in the crowd! Granik gets sent out on a great note as Markota makes his way from his Serbian Posse to the stage. Russ rides out into the sunset as the NYC fans chant "One More Year, One More Year" Ahh the life of a deputy.

So there you have it. My first live-blogging experience goes pretty flawless, but it's much harder than I thought. 5 Hours is a long time to be typing. It looks like Boston is acquiring the assets to get Allen Iverson. Most of these picks could be traded away. Overall a crazy draft. I hate the Wizards so much right now I don't have the words to put it together. Oh, but I will.

Thanks to Deadspin, everyone who stopped by, and especially the commenters! You will all get your specific props tomorrow!

Pluses: Jay Bilas=Portland, Memphis; Greg Anthony=Bulls; Stevie A. Smith= Charlotte, Bulls
Negatives: Jay Bilas=New York; Greg Anthony= New York; Stevie A. Smith= New York, Portland

Grades and more Draft Talk tomorrow. Good night.
(We have a Trade!)

Welcome Deadspin Viewers! Here's how it's going down. My job is to throw out the Announcing gems and your job is to pick them apart, and add some of your own. What's better than making fun of people for an entire night? I will post my final Mock in a little while, and we'll get this underway early to get all the pregame commentary out of the way. Tomorrow I will rate both the commentators and the draft picks, and your comments will fuel the article. (With links to everyone's sites of course)

As always we DO condone drinking and commenting here at AA, so join in the fun....post early and post often!!!!!!!!!!

***UPDATE***- First trade of the night goes down! Boston trades away the 7th pick for Sebastian Telfair and players to be named. Not sure what the Blazers are thinking, but they have a chance to pick two studs early.

***UPDATE***- Just called Chad Ford and here is the latest rumor, "The hot rumor floating among GMs this morning was that the Bulls and Timberwolves might pull off a blockbuster Kevin Garnett deal, sending picks No. 2 (Tyrus Thomas) and No. 16 (probably Marcus Williams) along with either Luol Deng or Ben Gordon to Minnesota for Garnett."

Final Mock: Check it out....tear it apart. I think the Portland Boston Trade made things a little easier, but it will all go to hell in about 4o minutes. This is going to be fun.

1st Round:

Toronto- Andrea Bargnani- SF (Italy)
Chicago- LaMarcus Aldrige- PF (Texas)
Charlotte- Adam Morrison- SF (Gonzaga)
Portland- Brandon Roy- SG (Washington)
Atlanta- Shelden Williams- PF/C (Duke)
Minnesota- Tyrus Thomas- PF (Louisiana State)
Portland- Rudy Gay- SF (UConn)
Houston- Randy Foye- PG (Villanova)
Golden State- Rodney Carney- SF (Memphis)
Seattle- Patrick O’Bryant- C (Bradley)
Orlando- Ronnie Brewer- SG (Alabama)
New Orleans- Cedric Simmons (NC State)
Phildadelphia- Marcus Williams- PG (UConn)
Utah- JJ Redick- SG (Duke)
New Orleans- Saer Sene- C (Senegal)
Chicago- Thabo Sefolosha- SG/SF (Switzerland)
Indiana- Rajon Rondo- PG (Kentucky)
Washington- Kyle Lowry- PG (Villanova)
Sacramento- Shannon Brown- SG (Michigan State)
New York- Hilton Armstrong- C (UConn)
Phoenix- Sergio Rodriquez- PG (Spain)
New Jersey- Jordan Farmar- PG (UCLA)
New Jersey- Quincy Douby PG/SG (Rutgers)
Memphis- Mardy Collins- PG/SG (Temple)
Cleveland- Oleksiy Pecherov- F (Ukraine)
LA Lakers- Maurice Ager- SG (Michigan State)
Phoenix- Guillermo Diaz- SG (Miami
Dallas- Kevin Pittsnogle- PF (West Virginia)
New York- Shawne Williams- SF (Memphis)
Portland- Joel Freeland- PF (England)

I'm in the process of revamping my 1st Round Mock....it should be up around 5 or so. There are so many different possibilities that it's driving me nuts. But here are a few thoughts while I gear up for the Live-Blogging:

• If Minnesota passes on Foye they are nuts. We already know that Atlanta has lost their collective drafting minds, but the TWolves are up next if they botch this. Everyone questions Rudy Gay's work ethic, and if you pair him with Garnett??? I don't want to see how that pans out. Jaric is an awful PG, and they've been needing a fill in ever since that disaterous Cassell deal.
• I have yet to weigh in on the Isiah Thomas thing because I don't have anything to add to the fray.....until now. I would like to place a small wager on Zeke lasting more than a year. Everyone forgets that everyone on that team HATED playing for Larry Brown. There was a different starting lineup everyday, and rookies rarely got good minutes. Thomas was the one who brought this team together, so if anything they know he has faith in them. He's been dying to revamp the offense into a Suns'esque Run-and-Gun, and as Jay Bilas says, "I've never met an NBA player who said he doesn't like to play in that kind of system." This should equate to a few more wins then last year, and Dolan will see progress.

I'm not always SO negative that I can't see/hear good announcing/commentating. During the NBA Draft Preview Show last night (Starring: Dan Patrick, Greg Anthony, Jay Bilas, Stevie A. Smith) Greg Anthony started crazy-talking, and Dan Patrick was there to knock him down a peg. When discussing Marcus Williams and his problems with the law (he stole laptops while at UConn) Mark Jackson threw out this gem (and I'm paraphrasing here):

"Well you've gotta have computers....You're in college."- Greg Anthony

"Well he didn't have to steal them."- Dan Patrick

"He was on scholarship, so they should have provided him with computers."- GA

"Come on Greg.....we didn't all go to UNLV."- DP

Oh snap.....Dan Patrick comes with the quickness! Back in a few.

1. Randy Foye- I thought about not including him here because everyone is all over him....But he should be the first pick in the draft. And if not there go to Atlanta. But Billy King is an ass, so he'll slip. There is no one in the draft that’s ready to help out an NBA team more than Foye. If he goes to Minnesota he needs to check the mail for his ROY trophy.

2. Marcus Williams- There isn’t a better passer in the draft and as Jay Bilas described him, “Marcus Williams may not be a speed merchant but he’s a gamer.” (Oh man the commentating has already started to be ridiculous)

3. Shannon Brown- He flew up the charts with some great workouts. If he goes to Utah, where I’m mocking him, watch as the slowest (whitest) team on the planet becomes suddenly much faster.

4. Quincy Douby- Very undersized at 6’3”, but is the second best shooter in the draft behind Redick. He seems to love challenges though, which is evidenced by his 9-3 pointers against Syracuse. (He scored 41 in that game while his counterpart G Mac had 2)

5. Sergio Rodriguez- Was a lottery pick last year, but an injury filled season dropped him to the end of the first. He’s awful defensively but his court vision is amazing and he’s only 20. On a personal note he idolizes Jason Williams, which earned him the nickname Spanish Chocolate…..seriously.

6. Kyle Lowry- He’s a physical guard with one hell of a first step. He’s also a poor shooter, but his defense will have teams swooning over him in a year or two. If the right team picks him, The Suns, he could backup Nash and move Barbosa to the two where he could drive more.

7. Mardy Collins- Has great size at 6’6” for a combo guard. He’ll have trouble with quicker guards, but if the projected teams take him (Nets, Knicks, Cleveland) he better learn quick. He’ll be facing D Wade for the next 10 years.

8. Guillermo Diaz- The rumors are that Diaz has a 50” Vertical. While that’s probably an exaggeration, he is probably the most athletic player in the draft behind Tyrus Thomas. Diaz is an ex-volleyball star in the midst of still learning the game of basketball. He is also a tweener because he projects as a PG, but will most likely be a 2. (Miami, who has zero picks, is in love with him and might swing a trade)

9. Louis Amundson- Has the energy of an entire team, and would a great fit for poor defense teams (ahem…Wizards), but has the worst free-throw percentage I have ever seen. 28% in 2004-2005. But when you compare that to a 58% FG Percentage…you can take the good with the bad. Doesn’t really have a clear cut position in the Association.

10. Leon Powe- Injuries and size have him slipping in the draft. 6’8” is not the ideal height for a PF, but it’s been done in the past. He’s another guy who should go to a team that lacks rebounding (Ahem! Wizards.)

Honorable Mention: Ryan Hollins, Pops Mensah Bonsu, Paul Milsap, Curtis Stinson, Yotam Halperin, Brandon Bowman, David Noel

Here's the second round as I see it. I'm only going to do this once. The main reason being that if you look at the end of the mock there will be a list of players that haven't been taken. Anyone in that group could go anywhere in the 2nd round (with the exception of Gerry McNamara). Some names to note are Balkman from South Carolina who has back to back NIT MVPs, and Torrin Francis, who last year was a projected Lottery Pick. Take a look and see how crazy this draft is going to be:

2nd Round:

1. Portland- Guillermo Diaz- PG (Miami)
2. Houston- Daniel Gibson- SG (Texas)
3. Atlanta- PJ Tucker- SG (Texas)
4. Los Angeles Clippers- Louis Amundson- SF (UNLV)
5. Toronto- Marcus Vinicius- SF (Brazil)
6. Minnesota- Dee Brown- PG (Illinois)
7. Minnesota- Paul Davis- C (Michigan State)
8. Golden State- Will Blalock- PG (Iowa State)
9. Milwaukee- Brandon Bowman- SF (Georgetown)
10. Seattle- Hassan Adams- SF (Arizona)
11. Orlando- Ryan Hollins- PF (UCLA)
12. Cleveland- Allan Ray- SG (Villanova)
13. New Orleans- Denham Brown- SG (UConn)
14. Orlando- Leon Powe- PF (California)
15. Indiana- Yotam Halperin- SG (Israel)
16. Utah- Steve Novak- SF (Marquette)
17. Utah- Mike Gansey- SG (West Virginia)
18. Washington- Pops Mensah-Bonsu- PF (George Washington)
19. Denver- Paul Milsap- C (Louisiana Tech)
20. Charlotte- Marcus Slaughter- F (San Diego State)
21. Los Angeles Lakers- Curtis Stinson- G (Iowa State)
22. Los Angeles Clippers- Bobby Jones- SG (Washington)
23. Seattle- Darius Washington- PG (Memphis)
24. New Jersey- Taj Gray- PF (Oklahoma)
25. Cleveland- Craig Smith- PF (Boston College)
26. Toronto- Eric Williams- PF (Wake Forest)
27. Minnesota- Dwayne Mitchell- SG (Louisiana Lafayette)
28. Dallas- Juan Jose Barea- PG (Northwestern)
29. San Antonio- David Noel- SF (North Carolina)

UPDATE: And astute reader noticed I was missing Detroit at #60.....and Mister Irrelevant goes to James Augustine- PF- Illinois. Thanks Reader.

Not Taken: Rashad Anderson, James Augustine, Renaldo Balkman, JP Batista, Taquan Dean, Terrence Dials, Sean Dockery, Torrin Francis, Jason Fraser, Thomas Gardner, Matt Haryasz, Eric Hicks, Daniel Horton, Solomon Jones, Marco Killingsworth, Carl Krauser, Christian Maraker, Gerry McNamara, Chris Quinn, James White, Justin Williams

Okay....here it is....approximately 6 hours of work (including the 2nd round which I will post later). As crappy as this draft is it was by far the most fun to Mock Draft. Players like Alexander Johnson could go anywhere from 20th to not drafted at all. I think this is a testament to the new "Age" rule being in play in the NBA. This is the "swing year" before the real players with upside, the highschoolers, are back in play. I have a sense, and you can see it in the picks, that most teams will favor seniors because next year will be stacked with young players with upside. Check out the list....tear it apart....it will most likely be changed 20 times before the 7pm start at MSG. (More comments and analysis throughout the day)

1. Toronto- Andrea Bargnani- SF (Italy)
2. Chicago- Tyrus Thomas- PF (Louisiana State)
3. Charlotte- Brandon Roy- SG (Washington)
4. Portland- Adam Morrison- SF (Gonzaga)
5. Atlanta- Shelden Williams- PF/C (Duke)
6. Minnesota- Rudy Gay- SF (UConn)
7. Boston- Randy Foye- PG (Villanova)
8. Houston- LaMarcus Aldrige- PF (Texas)
9. Golden State- Rodney Carney- SF (Memphis)
10. Seattle- Cedric Simmons- PF (North Carolina State)
11. Orlando- JJ Redick- SG (Duke)
12. New Orleans- Patrick O’Bryant- C (Bradley)
13. Phildadelphia- Marcus Williams- PG (UConn)
14. Utah- Shannon Brown- SG
15. New Orleans- Ronnie Brewer-SG (Alabama)
16. Chicago- Shawne Williams- SF (Memphis)
17. Indiana- Jordan Farmar- PG (UCLA)
18. Washington- Rajon Rondo- PG (Kentucky)
19. Sacramento- Sergio Rodriquez- PG (Spain)
20. New York- Saer Sene- C (Senegal)
21. Phoenix- Kyle Lowry- PG (Villanova)
22. New Jersey- Mardy Collins- PG/SG (Temple)
23. New Jersey- Hilton Armstrong- C (UConn)
24. Memphis- Patrick Johnson- PF (Florida State)
25. Cleveland- Thabo Sefolosha- SG/SF (Switzerland)
26. LA Lakers- Maurice Ager- SG (Michigan State)
27. Phoenix- Oleksiy Pecherov- F (Ukraine)
28. Dallas- Kevin Pittsnogle- PF (West Virginia)
29. New York- Quincy Douby PG/SG (Rutgers)
30. Portland- Joel Freeland- PF (England)

Paris Hilton is a Homewrekah! About a week back it was reported that Paris stepped out with Goalie Jose Theodore after the Much Music Awards in Montreal. (Mister Irrelevant) "It's now being reported that their relationsihp has caused Theodore's girlfriend of eight years to break up with him and kick him out of the house despite him being the father of their three-month-old daughter." Check out this update on the story from The Superficial.

Now I know Jose Theodore is a goalie, but apparently he's leaving the "five hole" open when it comes to Ms. Hilton....if you know what I mean. And I know you do. Doing some Expert Sleuth work I came across this nugget and picture of Jose's (soon to be ex) Girlfriend Stephanie Cloutier, and the dagger below it. I'm not sure which one she is...because there is no caption...but I'm sure none of them are carrying an Outbreak type infectious disease. So you skip out on your wife-to-be who already has an awfully debilitating disease to hook-up with the Mistress of VD? Great move Teddy.












"JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) was pleased to count among its 300 guests Jose Theodore, of the Montreal Canadiens, Veronique Cloutier, radio and television personality and Guy Morissette, comedian, who attended the event in support of Stephanie Cloutier, a Type 1 diabetic since the age of 8."

I am deeply sorry for the lack of posts lately. I'm actually gearing up BIG TIME for the NBA Draft. While this isn't the greatest of Drafts it is ensured of high comedy and at least one 2nd Rounder jumping onto the stage to upset the Deputy. So here's the plan:

1. 1st Round Mock- Complete with all the analysis you've already heard.
2. Where they will be 5 years from now- Complete with all the jokes you were already thinking.
3. LIVE BLOGGING. LIVE BLOGGING. LIVE BLOGGING!!!!

So I have nothing funny to say today after spending 4 hours in a conference room solving nothing. Here are the things I am currently working on that you will go absolutely nuts over when I'm done!

1. A history of Announcing in the NBA Finals- A retrospective if you will.
2. An entire 1st round Mock of the NBA Draft- "Where they Will be 5 years from now". A-la the Warriors Blog
3. Probably another "Bill Simmons is a sell-out" piece
4. A "Why I'm even more excited about Soccer now that the U.S. is out" piece, and
5. A Diatribe on the effects of Modern Psychology and the Working Woman.

STAY TUNED!!!!!!!!! You'll Luv it.

Well I woke up today hoping last night was a dream....It was looking up for me until I found this picture. Yep, the "Token white guys on the team acting like idiots picture." If you can't make out the person on the right that's Jason Kapano, and you of course recognize White Chocolate.

Kinda like the lunch room in high school isn't it? Most every photo I've looked at, with Jason Williams in it, has Kapono and Michael Doleac right in tow. While the "rest" of the team is off somewhere else together.

Well anyways I brought this up for a reason....what was that again? Oh Yea! (sorry the overt gayness of the picture distracted me for a second) I have to disagree with what Bill Simmons wrote this in his latest column:

"Here's what happens if Miami wins the title: New Jersey will say to themselves, "Hey, maybe this could happen to us with Vince Carter"; Washington will say the same about Arenas; Boston with Pierce; G-State with Richardson; the Lakers with Kobe; New Team X with Iverson. And so on and so on. But that's just the thing ... we went through this last decade. There was only one MJ; the formula couldn't be replicated. Same with Dwyane Wade; only LeBron can match him. And everyone else will fail trying, which means we can look forward to another decade of perimeter scorers going 11 for 32 in big games, teammates standing around while stars dribble at the top of the key waiting to challenge two defenders at once, and refs deciding every big game (like in Game 5) by how they interpret contact when the same guy is recklessly driving to the basket over and over again. Does any of this sound fun to you? I didn't think so"

I would probably be dreading this too if it wasn't for the fact that every player he just named is absolutely amazing. Not only were there not this many high-caliber players in Jordan's days, but the rules were different as well.

There is a reason why this playoffs were exciting and that was because of the scoring, which is directly related to the rule changes. For Simmons to say that doesn't sound fun is just ridiculous. 3 out of the 4 teams in the "Final Four" we're just the opposite of this. The Heat won because they didn't buckle under pressure, got to the line, and were more experienced. Anyone of those three other "Team" Teams could have won if they stepped up when it mattered. But like Simmons said.....Nash looked exhausted. Also it looked like Dirk was exhausted, and Detroit didn't have the depth to compete. Well, which made them exhausted.

Simmons also said this, "If you enjoyed the Spurs-Mavs and Suns-Mavs series this year, just root for Dallas these last two games. Trust me. It's for the best."

(Does anyone get the pun in the title? Come on that's good Comedy there.)

















So Carolina has a Stanley Cup and Miami has a Larry O'Brien.......Wait do they? I couldn't hear the trophy presentation over the boos for David Stern.

I'm going to bypass all of the official talk and go straight to the reason the MAVS lost.....they are Pussies.

Dirk does not have the killer instinct that Dwayne Wade has. With a little over seven minutes left in the game Dallas was in the penalty....Wait....I don't think you heard that......DALLAS WAS IN THE PENALTY WITH SEVEN MINUTES LEFT TO GO IN THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what do they do????? They take three straight threes.....couple of possessions later Nowitzki gets in the lane and gets to the line to cut it back down to five. What do they do after that??? Take a jumper a possession it seems like to end the game!!!!! Seriously, who does that? What FAVORED team does that? WHAT TEAM WHO IS WAITING TO GET CALLS FROM OFFICIALS DOES THAT?!?!?!

(The only thing that kept my spirits up was Jason Kapono getting punched by Pat Riley....my goal in life is to find that video and watch it in a drunken haze for 10 days.)

With that being said here are my Announcing Highlights from our Championship Game 6:

"Again, six fouls and you're out in the NBA."- Mike Breen
Really, my retarded nephew knows that Mike. Let's move on.

On a ridiculous pass from Dwayne to get Antoine Walker a three point play neither Commentator says anything.

"Dallas needs Dirk, Howard, and Terry to get going here, AND shoot a high percentage"- Hubie Brown
Really Hubes....you think they need to shoot a high percentage with under 5 minutes in the F'ing game down 4?!?!?!?!?!

Other Notes While Flipping to HBO 2 During Commercials:

1) You have to watch Sex Inspectors everytime it comes on! It's a cross between Super Nanny, Real Sex, and Pimps Up Ho's Down.
2) Airplane is close to being the funniest movie of all time.

MORE NOTES THAT CONTINUE TO DRIVE ME CRAZY!

The only guy I predicted would kill in this series finally got playing time. Marquis Daniels rocked Miami and DWade in the third and most of the fourth, but the German ruined his overall impact on this game.

F Bill Simmons for that sell out article.....his first in three weeks.

Shaq says he has four good years in him......I say two.

The Heat Played better in that Finals with Zo out there than Shaq.

DWade IS THE BEST PLAYER IN THE NBA....hands down.

For some reason I'm insanely busy during my lunch break today, so I'm providing you with all of the columns I would have written if I had time. Funny thing is most of you probably found my site through one of these sites.....So.....like corn....enjoy it a second time.

The Mighty MJD. This is the funniest thing I've read in quite sometime.

Mr. Irrelevant shows us what Ms. Hilton is up to now.

The Acid Queen is apparently a Hurricanes fan, and is apparently hungover today.

The Big Lead shows us what Jeremy Piven does with his spare time.

The Roscoe Report takes a look at the lineup card in Homer at bat, and retools it Moneyball style.

Well, Mr. Burns had done it,The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while.
Mike Scoscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile.
We're talking softball,From Maine to San Diego.
We're talking softball,Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw, Steve Sax and his run-in with the law,
We're talking Ho-mer,Ozzie, and the Straw!

You've probably read a lot of accounts on this event and this day, but here is mine. 20 years ago today I was a seven year old kid living in Severna Park, Maryland, and I had just finished watching my first full season of Maryland basketball.

The teams in the Lefty Driesell era we're always underachievers and never made it past the Sweet Sixteen in the Tournament. But there was one player who was other-wordly to me...one Leonard K. Bias.

I had watched some basketball before, but always found it boring. My dad would check out games from time to time, but I hadn't watched with any passion. I remember so much about that 1986 season that it might rival my memories of the 2002 Championship season. The Terps were extremely overmatched by most of the teams in the ACC, but somehow they seemed to have the most fun on the court. My dad would watch every game in an oversized maroon leather chair (which he just got rid of) and I would sit on the floor in front of the giant Magnavox set (we somehow still have this, and giant back then was 24 inches). My favorite memory of that year was not of a Len Bias basket, but I play I'll never forget.

The entire ACC would double Bias, but there was nothing they could do to stop him. At Cole Field House, and coming out of a timeout, the Terps had the ball under NC State's basket. I never took my eyes off Bias when he was in the game, and I noticed him come out of the huddle and walk over to inbounder Kenny Gatlin to whisper something to him. Gatlin smiles, nods, and walks to the baseline. The ref hands Gatlin the ball as a pick is set for Bias on the block...he swings to the top of the key looking for the ball. Well everyone knows it's going into him.... except him and Kenny G. Gatlin takes the ball over his head, and throws the BIGGEST fake on the defender (wish I remembered his name) guarding the inbounds play. The defender swings around searching for Bias...and in one motion Gatlin drops the ball to waist level and throws the ball off of the defender's backside right back to himself, and tosses the ball up and in.

My dad, who is a relatively quiet/reserved man, jumps out of his seat and yells, "Oh my god...did you just see that?" And I replied, "Wait, he threw it off that guy...is that legal?" My dad then takes 15 minutes to explain the play, and everything I didn't see. He broke down the defense for me, and every single player on the court was staring right at Bias. It's a crazy thing to see, but no one commanded more attention on a court in college....not even Jordan. Even then as my dad spoke I knew I was witnessing something special.

The best part was just re-watching Bias stand at the Free Throw line with that half-cocked smile of his and shake his head as Gatlin ran by and slapped him on the ass. People always bring up the UNC Play, or the 41 points he dropped on Mark Alarie in Cameron, but it was that one play that has forever linked me to Maryland Basketball.

The horrible thing about Lenny's death on June 19th, 1986 was the fact that he and Gatlin were hanging out that same night. And while Gatlin went to sleep...Bias went back out on the town. And the next day I felt like my world had ended when my dad told me in the car as he picked me up from Naval Academy Basketball Camp. I can't remember for sure, but I'm pretty sure that's when I got the life and death talk from the old man, and the world all of a sudden seemed a lot smaller.

A lot of people seem to be writing selfish stories about Bias. Bill Simmons calls the current Celtics woes the "Curse of Len Bias", and that seems really unfair to me. The term witness is thrown around in Cleveland quite a bit these days, but I WAS a witness. The only Len Bias I remember is the person who I thought of second (only behind my Dad) as Maryland won the tournament in 2002. It's always tough to say that a person has done more in death than in life, but Len Bias gave me two important things. First, was the fear of god in ever doing cocaine. And second (and most important), a lifetime of memories to share with my father this Father's Day.

SOME QUOTES:
"Coach K told me I would have Bias one-on-one. No doubling, no help," Alarie said. "After the game, I thought I had done a pretty good job until someone asked me how it felt to give up 41 points. I didn't believe them. Then I looked at the tape. He didn't get any easy shots, any easy looks. He had a hand in his face every time he took a shot, and he still made them. He was just that good."- Mark Alarie

"If Len Bias ain't the player of the world, then there ain't no players."- Lefty Driesell

"I'd have played against him for the next 14 years. I would have been in my prime and he would have been in his. I'll never forget what he looked like. He was a 'Wow!' player. When Maryland played and was on television, I watched. It was like, 'I need to watch this guy; I'll be seeing him real soon.' . . . It was just shocking. - Charles Barkley

"You can never tell how things are going to play out, but I'll tell you this: When you're playing like we did in those days, you don't figure on getting a kid like Bias. He was a terrific player. . . . I would've had him and Bird as my forwards. . . . They would have been great together."
- Red Auerbach

On the Mighty MJD's site this morning he is quoted as saying "He makes the timeout signal, but I don’t know if he was actually signaling timeout (which, yeah, doesn’t make any sense… Josh Howard’s a smart player, he knows they don’t want timeout there), or just making the motion in the direction of Avery Johnson. Weird situation… I don’t know what happened."

As I, Mister Irrelevant, and any Maryland Basketball fan can attest....this isn't the first time this has happened to Mr. Howard. In college, on Feb. 24, 2002, Howard was with Wake Forest when he called a timeout he didn't have with 1.3 seconds left against Maryland. It was called technical foul, and Juan Dixon made 1-of-2 free throws to win the game. He was so distraught after the game that he had to hold his jersey over his face to hide the tears as he was walking off the court. (This game came only a week after beating #1 Duke, and the game was at UMD) The thing I remember the most about that game now is the thing I forgot. Josh Howard was killing Maryland in that game.....and he was coming off a pretty awful ankle injury. Howard put up 18 points and 15 rebounds in 25 minutes of action, but the gutsy performance was overshadowed by the timeout.

This is almost identical to last night. He plays one, if not his best, game of the playoffs posting a 25 point and 10 rebound box score and then proceeds to miss two HUGE free throws and then calls a timeout when he shouldn't have.

The only reason I bring up this point is to show that maybe he's not as smart a player we all think he is. He is an amazing all-around basketball player, but in that situation ONLY the Point Guard show be looking and talking to the coach. Some fault has to be placed on Avery Johnson, but any smart player in that situation knows that the timeout should come after the second free throw. And the only reason Josh Howard looks guilty of not knowing this is because he started to walk off the court towards his own bench. That's pretty telling in my eyes.

As for the foul call on Nowitzki....I (like everyone else) didn't see it. The contact that occured did not affect the shot and in the last seconds of a game that's usually not called. (Just ask Gilbert Arenas and the entire Wizards Team) On the flip side, Dwayne Wade setup that call the entire game with drive after drive (He went to the line as much as the entire Mavs Team-21) and I'm not surprised that it was called.

Another interesting note is that as much as Dwayne Wade was unstoppable in that game there was one person who shut him down. Marquis Daniels came into the game in the second quarter, and Wade missed six shots. He came in during the third quarter and DWade passed the ball away everytime. I'm not saying this wasn't a fluke, but when a player is putting up 40 points nightly on you....you might want to try something else.

I cannot fathom seeing Gary Payton and Alonzo Mourning in a parade route down A1A- Beachfront Avenue!!!!!, but it appears that Dwayne Wade is trying to ruin my Schadenfreude.

So the newest member of the AA Hall of Fame is not necessarily an Awful Announcer....more of an awful Human Being....

Britney Jean Spears

I'm sure most of you have already read or saw the interview last night, but I just wanted to reiterate what not to say on television.

DON'T Repeatedly call yourself "Country" and try to justify putting your 5 month old baby on your lap and driving 60 Mph down Pacific Coast Highway.

DON'T try to blame the "New York Streets as having Cobblestones" as the reasoning for almost dropping your baby on his head, when we all know it was because of your long ass jeans.

DON'T answer the question "What makes your Husband Special?" with "His simplicity." Yea we know...you're supposed to tell us something not as obvious.

DON'T ever utter this sentence: " I like to cook, try to cook, and I like to clean. I’m obsessive like that. If I watch TV, I like to watch the home-redoing-the-house shows— the whole thing— and I get into redoing the living room, the baby’s room and all that stuff." And we're not supposed to think you're a redneck?!?! That reminds me of some comments the "Great Decider" made.

DON'T answer the question "How far along are you?" with "I don’t know. I think six to seven months."

And no matter what you do.....do not refer to your only child as an inanimate object!!!

Spears: "I mean you could possibly never realize you could love something that much."

I mean seriously your kid is a human not an "it". I feel so sorry for that kid, and the one yet to come. What happened to our baby girl??? If you are a parent I'm sure things happen, but you don't have to make them public, and say the are going to happen "100 more times." Have a good weekend all, and I'll see you on the flip.

So Deadspin posed this question at the end of its NBA post this morning. (A statement: Mike Breen and Hubie Brown are a perfectly acceptable broadcast team. Discuss.) As you can expect with the collection of jokers they have in the comments section....hilarity ensued. (Make sure to click on everyone's names and check out their pages as well....some good stuff out there)

Hubie Brown in high definition was enough for me to get my pitchfork and torch ready. Fire bad! - Rob Iracane

Very good point Robbie. Hubie is a scary guy, but we do have to remember one thing....he was born in 1933. We can't always keep our stellar Good Looks

Mike Breen is ok, but Hubie Brown makes me want to smother myself with a pillow. Once again, nice tights, Dwayne Wade. I need a time-out now, and I think Hubie would approve.
- Juancho

Mike Breen doesn't actually make me angry, so that's good...but I swear to God, the next time Hubie Brown watches a replay of a totally BS foul and says "That was a good call," I'm going to break the television, and I really don't want to do that.
-Diddly

Two things:
1) The Miami coaching staff should all wear white sport coats. They're ruining everything.
2) I have no problem with Breen and Brown (who again, looks like Lady Elaine from the Mister Rogers show). But Stuart Scott's glasses are fucking out of control. I could cut a diamond looking at his left eye.
-Big Daddy Drew

Now that's funny....that witch scared the crap out of me when I was younger. Almost as bad as Hubie scares me now.

I'd still rather have Marv Albert.
- Tom

There is a level of importance you feel when Marv is calling a game. I think that's the biggest problem with Mike Breen calling a game....you've never really heard him before, so it lacks the feeling of the BIG game. You have to go back to 2004 when Al Michaels was calling the action, but one Glenn Anton "Doc" Rivers ruined that Finals for me.

I thought hubie was going to run out onto the court and fellate james posey.but all is forgiven, i can't dislike the same guy from the old school usa network draft coverage.
- Unsilent Majority

Another great point...Hubie seems to go nuts when his former players do something great. All of them except.....

My favorite part of the Finals is when Hubie pretends he didn't coach Jason Williams last year and is over-nice about his game. Actually Hubie, just say what you want and get it over.
Also very funny; when Breen undercuts something Hubie says. Like when Hubie was raving about Nowitski and Howard getting on the boards for Game 1 and, as they were cutting to commercial, Breen says, "Jason Terry's 32 points certainly helped." Classic.
- FromKirbyToKG

I still remember that game like it was yesterday....Last Year was the first year I had the Ticket, and for some reason I was watching that game. And when White Chocolate went off on Hubie's son you could see it was the beginning of the end (or the start of "Health Problems") On a side note, I just found out that Hubie was succeeded as coach not once, but twice by Mike Fratello (boy do I wish he was still commentating).

Best was when they did the live "listen-in" to the German announce team and there was pretty much complete silence until Terry got called for the travel. Then Hubie says "You know, there's alot of people out there saying 'Hey, we like those guys better'"......I couldn't agree more.
- Blooker

Blooker stole my thunder with this one because I was going to write about it later today, but hey let's write about it now. The best part of this exchange was (just before he made the comment that people might like those guys better than Mike and Hubie) Shaq catching an Oop and the German announcer saying, "Dah! Ohhh! Shaquille Oneal!!!"

I guess if I had been coaching since the Battle of Hastings, I'd be stuck constantly speaking in the 2nd person, too. "You're on the field of battle, and you're witnessing the first use of the bow and arrow in war. You're confused and scared. You take a timeout."
- Chopper Dave

Ahh History references worked in.....now we're playing with fire.

Any team that is half Hubie is way too far disadvantaged to be considered "Finals-worthy". The only place I want to see (or hear) Hubie is on the bench of a team my team is playing against.
That said, I would pay big money to hear Walton and Hubie do the Battle of Hastings - hilarious, chopper dave.
- farlane

Mike Breen and Hubie Brown are okay, but man do I miss Bill Walton. Walton and Mike Tirico as straight man are the best combo ABC's got... Sometimes when I get bored I imagine the hyperbolic invective Walton would have spewed during Shaq's five-point game.
- Captain Caveman

I really do think the world would have stopped spinning. It would have been followed by a four hour diatribe on how Bill Russell would have put up 42-19-8-4-3 against Shaq in his prime.

On an aside, I threw up a little in my mouth yesterday with Chris Berman was running down the leaderboard and said Kenneth "Staten Island" Ferrie. The dude is from the Netherlands for Christ sake. Somewhere Scott Van Pelt is crying.
-AJY

No comment.

Amen AJY... I caught 15 seconds of ESPN yesterday, and of course it had to be Berman. You're with me, remote... let's find a Seinfeld rerun.
- Steve S

And my personal favorite....
Great timeout by Juancho.
Captain Caveman, couldn't agree more. I thought I hated Walton, but I think I miss him. In a sheries like thish, it's the legendary playersh of the game that musht rishe to the occashion. The comaradarie, the discipline, the excellence, the thrill too succeed. Coach Wooden taught me that when you are on the presipishce of glory you must seize the moment.
- Killa Sam

It gets no better than making fun of someone's lisp. And I have to say that the wording used was pretty spot on. I was going to give it an 8 out of 10 because of length (Bill Walton would have spoke for another three or four paragraphs) But because of the use of the word presipishce you get a 9 out of 10 Sambo.

Final Verdict for Deadspin: My personal opinion is that Mike Breen isn't bad at all. But the problem seems to be that he hasn't had enough big games under his belt to be calling a finals. There was one slip up that he had, which was barely noticeable....Hubie threw out the stat that with two made free throws Dirk would pass Michael Jordan at 181 with the most free throws made in a single Playoffs. Breen responded, "181 Free Throws in a series is pretty impressive." Allbeit a ticky tack call on my part it's pretty funny if you add up the points Dirk would have for the series....Game 1-76, Game 2-86, Game 3- 90. (FYI- The record is 86 by Jerry West in only a 6-game series)

Skeletor is a different animal all together. Hubie's brilliant comments (like noting that Wade was only the fourth player in Finals History to post a 40 and 10 game [West, Magic, Jordan]) are completely overshadowed by comments like This, the 2nd person talk, or challenging only himself on how many times he can say upside in a given draft/say that a good timeout was call. Some might say that it's pretty bad to "call out"/"make fun" of a 73 year old man, but if I couldn't....I don't know what I'd do with myself.

(Thanks everyone for the comments. If I'm missing anyone's site feel free to post it in the comments and I will update the page later.)

So I was watching NBA Week on Wheel of Fortune, and the funniest reaction of the night was when Pat Sajak called Baron Davis....Ben Davis. Come on Baron, don't get upset, you have to know it's easy to confuse an African American Point Guard with a former Causcasian Catcher in the MLB.

Another (low)highlight from the night was a new edition of America's Funniest Home Videos- Sports Edition. Your Host.....none other than Stu Scott. Now I promised that he would be on here sooner or later, but last night was just too easy to spend a whole post on him. Plus there was someone much more Awful last night. Here are Stu's Highlights from the show:

• "I do like funny videos but I like Playoff seats more….I won't quit my day job"
• When going to commercial he would fist pound everyone in the audience.
• "Bigups we salute you….Wink….cheerleaders"
• "I give that cheerleader her proppers she just bounced right back up"
• Played a game with someone in the audience Head, Gut, or Groin…..
• "Look who put the bad in badmitton"
• Called Track and Field Clips- The Dorkathalon

And Finally, the Heat crushed the Mavs in Game 4....just a few notes:

• Without fail, in the first quarter, Jason Williams will blow by Jason Terry and either get and easy layup or a foul....maybe they should try this more when Shaq is getting tripled.
• Okay the weird guy with the flags and the Oakley shades that spins around before the intros has officially scared the crap out of me.
• The Video for the Heat Intros is hilarious "Within the heart of one team live the souls of Warriors."

Back later with more......

As I was watching City Slam yesterday, before the Hockey Game started and during a Jeopardy Commercial, I was marveling at how bad of an announcer Dee Brown is for that show. The show is basically filler, and I don’t think I’ve seen more than 3 good dunks, but seriously how excited can you get for the ninth missed windmill dunk of a competition?

Combine Dee with the likes of Spud Webb, Kenny “Sky”Walker, and the Chocolate Thunder himself and you have a murderer’s row of announcing. For today I will only pick on Dee Brown because I found this gem of a comment on ESPN SportsNation.

Matt (Chicago): Does Miami really have a realistic chance in winning? I mean, they were a shot or two away from being down 3-0.
Dee Brown: (4:11 PM ET ) I think as long as the Miami Heat have home games, they have a real good chance, because they have two of the top two players in the league. Shaq's not huge, but he's still a factor. As good as Dallas looks on paper, you still have to play the game, that's what determines the outcomes of the games.

As good as Dallas looks on paper?!?!?! WTF games have you been watching Dee? Are you kidding me? Didn’t Dallas destroy Memphis? Didn’t they beat San Antonio in 7? And didn’t they take out the MVP of the league and his Suns?

Oh and the were up in this series 2-0!!!!!!!!!!!! (killed Miami the first two and should have won the last game)

I was almost over that statement when he proceeded to throw this nonsense out there for the world to enjoy.

Jared (Chandler): Who's the favorites for next year's Finals?
Dee Brown: (4:45 PM ET ) You always go with the team that wins the championship this year. But if Miami wins, I don't know if they're the favorite, too many questions. Phoenix will be there. In the East, Cleveland will get better if they get role players. But for favorites, in the West, I'll go with San Antonio and in the East I'll go with Miami.

So let me get this straight Dee….If Miami wins they aren’t the favorite in the East, but if they lose they are??? I say some stupid things, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t ever talk myself in circles in just one paragraph. It usually takes a good 20-30 minutes.

I was so riveted by these comments I scoured ESPN for old chats with Dee Brown….here are my top 5 comments.

5. Tim (Orange, CA)_: Hey Dee, what's going on? If you could possess one skill from any player, what player's skill would that be? Thanks Dee for answering my question
Dee Brown: That's a tough one .. I think as far as a skill that can't be taught, I would take the mental toughness of a Kevin Garnett or Ben Wallace. Nothing faces them. You can't teach that. You can't go to a gym to work on that.

(what exactly does “Nothing Faces Them” mean?)

4. JC (Folsom, CA): So is Deron Williams the next Jason Kidd?
Dee Brown: I think he's close. He is a big point guard with great passing skills and a good leader. They say he is Jason Kidd with a jump shot. You don't want to put the ''next'' label on a young kid but he can be that type of player in the NBA.

(Great call on that one Dee)

3. Matt (NY): With larry brown on board any chance of the knicks picking up more defensive help. Because there is no way Jerome James can be depended upon for big time minutes.
Dee Brown: I think Brown will put the team in his image and try to harp on the current team to defend better. You will see some changes just because Brown is there. He wants to be a playoff caliber team QUICKLY.

(Uh Huh….keep those predictions coming DeCovan)

4. reggie (SB): if deron williams could be the next jason kidd, could chris paul be the next baron davis?
Dee Brown: I don't think Chris Paul is big enough. He's only about 6 feet tall. I would compare him to a less explosive Stephon Marbury.

(Wow….I don’t even know what to say to that one.)

1. Matt (NY): Dee, Just want to say thanks for addressing a Knicks question, its almost impossible to get someone to answer anything regarding the Knicks, unless they are bashing Steph for absolutely no reason, I mean yea the Knicks stunk but Steph was by far the most consistant player they had, I just dont get why everybody dislikes him, any thoughts?
Dee Brown: People always look at the fact that teams do better when he leaves. His stats are good, but until he carries a team past the first round and shows he's a leader he will get that criticism. He is a top-5 PG, but until his teams start playing well in the postseason that is going to dog him.

(And there you have it…..Marbury is a top 5 Point Guard in this league. I give up.)

Honorable Mention for last night:

-“He looks like he missed when he was scrapping back towards the sack.”- O’s Announcer Fred Manfra on a close play at first.
-“Rammed it into Kevin Adams”- Whoever the lead Hockey Announcer that isn’t Bill Clement

What I’m watching tonight:

-Wheel of Fortune: It’s NBA Week and you can’t miss gems like Mike Bibby pulled out last night….

_ustling Outdoor Market
Hustling Outdoor Market- Mike Bibby
Bustling Outdoor Market- The Real Answer

-Game 4
-Making The Band 3…..Puffy is back and so is the unintentional comedy.

Found this as well while bored at work. In an interview Shaq had these gems to say:

"I've been scrutinized every day of my life. So, you know, it's nothing new," O'Neal said. "You know, nothing that a person writes is not going to, you know, make me cry or go drink rat poison or nothing. I'm more harder on myself than any one of you could ever be on me."

"I can't read anyway," he quickly added, "so it doesn't matter what you write."

Shaq's at it again......I'm not sure what would actually make me drink rat poison, but I know that I'm more harder on myself than anyone else could be as well.

Here are some things you may or may not care about.......

While I'm not the biggest fan of Soccer there are some entertaining anecdotes out there:
http://sports.yahoo.com/sow/news?slug=ap-wcupnotebook&prov=ap&type=lgns

• Bruce Arena has been to Italy 3 times, likes Pasta, and can apparently curse in Italian. (Who Cares?)
• Brazil and Italy are the only two nations to have won a World Cup in the Year of the Dog, and 2006 is again the year of man's best friend, said The Star newspaper Thursday. (So there's your final)
• Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, a soccer fan, added his voice to the jubilant mood by saying that Spain would reach the final. (Obviously Zapatero doesn't believe in the Chinese Zodiac)
• Cambodia's prime minister urged soccer fans in the impoverished Southeast Asian country to stop betting their money and belongings on World Cup matches. (Wish I had someone telling me the same thing)
• The chief of Cambodia's Buddhist monks, Supreme Patriarch Non Ngeth, announced over the weekend that the country's holy men would be granted an exception to watch soccer matches during the tournament -- but he said they would not be permitted to cheer or gamble. Monks in Cambodia are not supposed to watch television, according to Buddhism's strictest tenets that say the holy men must abstain from pleasurable activity (hmm I have nothing to say to that one.

Stay Tuned for the next entry into our Awful Announcing Hall of Fame: Dee Brown

A week or so ago, when the Northwestern/Arizona Women's NCAA Softball Championship got more viewers than the Stanley Cup Finals (it's true), I vowed to not watch Hockey again.

See I grew up watching the Washington Capitals battle teams like the Pittsburgh Penguins and the old Detroit Red Wings. I remember those teams being amazing and when the playoffs came it was electric. Well the Red Wings are still the Red Wings, but the Caps and Pens are the two worst teams in Hockey. In fact, the Pens/Caps rivalry was so strong back in the day that when my boss (a Restaurant Manager at the Sheraton) "Spent the Night" with Kevin Stevens...I didn't talk to her for three weeks, and I don't think anyone else did either.

Well fast forward to last night. I was actually dreading watching the game, but came to the decision that I was either watching that or Freddie....and I was not going to be watching Freddie. Another big factor was HDTV....watching sports on HD is like I've died and gone to heaven. Hockey on HD is especially amazing.

Low and behold.....it was a good game, and I actually watched the majority of it. All of it except when The Hills came on MTV. I am mesmerized by that train-wreck of a human being Heidi. The highlight for me came when she added to her Outlook Calendar....9:00 AM- Start Work, 6:00 PM- End Work. Just classic....but I digress....

The game itself was fairly exciting (besides the 2nd period). It was one of those games where you knew it was going to Overtime, and I thought Eric Staal was going to get a third goal and ride off into the sunset with Lord Stanley's Cup. This seemed almost guaranteed when the Oilers threw a shot of the post and on the counter the Canes got a power play. Well there seemed to be one guy on the ice that wouldn't let that happen. Ex-Islander Michael Peca started flying around and disrupting the Canes setup for the start of the Power Play. And the Somehow, a guy I've never heard of (Fernando Pisani), got a steal at the blueline and put a shot top shelf on Cam Ward. Great Shot/Great Ending/Great Game.

Not Since Kevin Stevens getting caught with a Prostitute and Crack (which he bought with stolen lunch money from the Rangers) have I been this excited about Hockey. Might be too little too late though.

Interesting Side Note: Eric Staal scored his first two goals of the finals for Carolina, which had a chance to win its first Stanley Cup on home ice and even went to the trouble of freezing a gold dollar under center ice for good luck.

Edmonton's Ryan Smyth spotted the coin and dug it up during the morning skate, but the Hurricanes apparently stuck another one just under the ice before the game, "like a dog burying a bone," MacTavish quipped.

Back later with our Awful Announcer.....one DeCovan Kadell "Dee" Brown.