So we're on to the grading today, and after that two-hour debacle of a quotes post I'm going to mail this one in a bit. I "blew my load" a tad so we're going to the.....Lighting Round!

James Brown:

The quintessential host. He does everything right, but he has the tendency to use the same words over and over again. Try this for one broadcast. Drink every time he says the word "indeed"....I counted them one time and I got to 26. I was hammered by that point, so it could have been more. Love JB though....he's the perfect ringleader. He takes the fat jokes in stride and just has fun...plus he's got jesus on his side.

Grade: A-



Dan Marino:

He's apparently psychotic, but I would be too if I took the "he never won a Super Bowl" jokes for 6 hours a day for an entire season. He strikes me as a bit too serious though, which gets to be kind of annoying after awhile. At least Boomer can put on a Belichick costume and get a laugh.

Grade: C+



Boomer Esiason:

I like Boomer.....don't know what it is about him though. He gets a little too demonstrative at times, but I think that's only because a little Marino is rubbing off on him (eww...you have a dirty mind).

Grade: B+



F'ing Shannon Sharpe:

I hate him so much. He's not funny and he overacts like a champ (that "I'm going to the Super Bowl" crap was just too much). He is one of the culprits perpetuating the stupid laugh fests that have plagued the pregame shows as of late. He laughs at his own jokes, and you can't understand what he says. When he does the highlights he is about four games behind.

Grade: "You fucking passed the test, but barely. You know what you got? F+. *click*"

Your 2007 Highlights and Lowlights.....well mostly Lowlights......

Week 1:

• "I fully expect Chicago Bears quarterback Rex Grossman to get off to a good start this week. Grossman has been criticized by those in the media who would like to create a quarterback controversy in Chicago, but his talent – and the talent around him – will be enough to prevent that from happening."- Phil Simms
• Shannon Sharpe: When you left you were a 42 Long. Now what are you, 48 Regular? James Brown: At least it’s all natural.
• "I've got to believe that Seattle is going to go back to the Super Bowl. Look at their schedule. They've got the coach, the quarterback, the running back, and they added Julian Peterson. That team looks like they're set to get back to Miami."- Boomer Esiason
• "I was on a round table discussion with Jerry Jones and he said the one thing that led to the T.O. demise in San Francisco and Philly was money. He gave him $10 million the first year and $25 million over the three years. T.O. got what he wanted. It was the money. I don’t think T.O. is going to have a problem. They will get along the entire season."- Shannon Sharpe
  
• "Deion Branch doesn’t want advice. He wants the cheese."- Shannon Sharpe
• SUPER BOWL XLI PICKS: BOOMER ESIASON: New England vs. Seattle, SHANNON SHARPE: Denver vs. Carolina, DAN MARINO: Pittsburgh vs. Carolina

Week 2:

• "Jake “The Mistake” is a terrible name to give to any quarterback. Now let’s see, Jake Plummer last year leads the Broncos to the A.F.C. Championship game. They go 13-3. “Jake the Mistake” throws only seven interceptions the whole year, 18 touchdowns. If any other quarterback in the NFL did that last year, he would not be talked about in this way."- Phil Simms
• "I think that Denver Broncos fans want to see more out of their quarterback position. They want to see John Elway. They want to see a guy throwing the ball down the field and not throwing interceptions in the big games. I know he has a rookie behind him so I don’t expect him to be benched."- Boomer Esiason
• James Brown: How long before Tony Romo takes over? Marino: Until they’re out of the playoffs or unless Drew Bledsoe falls on his face, you go with a guy with the best chance to win and that’s Drew Bledsoe. When you think about him, last year every time he lost game he came back, won and had a good game. Get off Drew Bledsoe.
• "Peyton Manning is definitely going to miss Edgerrin James."- Rich Gannon

Week 3:

• James Brown: Dan and Shannon picked Carolina to go to the Super Bowl. Are the Panthers overrated, Boomer?

  Boomer Esiason: I think Dan and Shannon are overrated. I picked Seattle because I know what I'm talking about. Carolina was the chalk pick because everybody goes back to the way that they finished last year and that's the wrong thing to do.

• "Back then, personally, I would have taken Eli Manning. Today, I would take Eli Manning."- Charlie Casserly (and you wonder why you don't have a job?)

Week 4:

• "We know for sure that there is one gunslinger. And with the way Chad Pennington has started on the other side by throwing the ball all over the stadium, my initial reaction is that, yes we’re looking at two gunslinging quarterbacks in this game"- Dan Dierdorf
• "I had a chance to talk to my son last night, and he wants to thank everybody for the cards, the phone calls, the flowers. All those feelings really help a guy in his situation. They’re helping him recover. He did come home from the hospital yesterday, so he's happy about that. He's sitting on the couch today watching the pre-game show. I don't know how happy that's going to make him, but he's looking forward to getting well."- Phil Simms
• "I am amazed at the tremendous fascination there is with covering Terrell Owens' every move. He's obviously a marvelously gifted athlete who just as obviously has some issues. We might never know what really happened there in Dallas but I do hope that T.O. gets whatever help he needs. And I also hope we won't allow ourselves to be held hostage to a story that was raised to the level of a national crisis."- JB

Week 5:

• Simms: Well first off, maybe Brett Favre should quit listening to the radio. I'll just say this, I think he's playing well so far this year. And, I believe he will break Dan Marino’s record. Dan Marino: And I can't believe Brett Favre doesn't have anything better to do in his life than to listen to Phil Simms on the radio.
• "Little T Learns to Share” on what his next book should be - How about, “Little T Learns How to Con Billionaire NFL Owners.”…I can’t wait for the book tour…It is amazing to me the world we live in."- Bommer Esiason

Week 6:

• "The Oakland Raiders, the Tennessee Titans or the Detroit Lions, all in the same bunch. All three needed quarterbacks. I know Tennessee took Vince Young, but I do think Matt Leinart is going to end up being a better professional."- Boomer Esiason
• "The Bears are one of the few teams I’ve seen in quite a few years that can have breaks go against them, be emotionally out of it, play not even close to an “A” game, and they’re still going to win. For a team to beat the Bears this year, it will have to play its best and get a few breaks along the way."- Phil Simms
• "If the Bears are the class of the NFC, that begs the question as to who is the second-best choice. This is where things get more difficult. St. Louis might be my surprising second choice. The Rams offense has been excellent with Marc Bulger, Torry Holt, Kevin Curtis and Steven Jackson."- Shannon Sharpe

Week 7:

• "The Falcons do some unique things with Michael Vick at quarterback, and it’s no surprise that they capitalize on his strength as a runner"- Phil Simms
• "The guy that is developing into ‘fun television’ is JP Losman. The guy has a little Fran Tarkenton in him. He runs around back there and is quick on his feet. He’s not Michael Vick. Vick looks to run downfield. Losman looks to run around to buy time to throw. He is as elusive and as quick a guy running around at the quarterback position that I’ve seen in a long time."- Dan Dierdorf

Week 8:

• "I don’t care what you think of Michael Vick – whether you think he’s being mistreated or misused, or just think he’s not that good, whatever. He can play for my team any day"- Phil Simms
• "When I look at tricks, I look at Michael Vick."- Dan Marino
• "I asked Ben if he had any reservations about taking a hit in this game, his response was, ‘After being hit by a car this summer, it’s all relative.’"- Rich Gannon

Week 9:

• "I agree with Rich in the sense of Eli Manning because he has the perfect personality for the New York Giants team"- Dan Marino
• "There is still an awful lot of talk in New York, Chad Pennington hooking up with Chris Baker"- James Brown
• They should have fined him $5,000 for that dance and $10,000 for that mohawk he had going on for the first six weeks of the season. You can't dance any more until you get two touchdowns and win a game.- Shannon Sharpe

Week 10:

ON CHANGING SUPER BOWL PICKS FROM BEGINNING OF YEAR

Dan Marino (Carolina-Pittsburgh): Carolina still has a chance because in the NFC there are a lot of teams that are 4-4. If you let me change (AFC pick), maybe I’ll take Indy.

Shannon Sharpe (Carolina-Denver): I’m not changing. I still like the Broncos because in the last two weeks Jake Plummer has done a better job of taking care of the football and they are still formidable…Carolina is still in the thick of things…I’m sticking with Carolina and I’m definitely staying with the Broncos Nation.

Boomer Esiason (Seattle-New England): I’m going to ride Tom Brady all the way down to Miami. I am not changing, especially when you look at their schedule. As the season goes on, their schedule is one of the easiest in the AFC. So, I expect that they will win the AFC East. They will have to go on the road to win a couple of tough playoff games, but I think Tom Brady and Bill Belichick can do that. As far as Seattle is concerned, they may lose today against St. Louis, but a look at their schedule - they’ll get Hasselbeck and Alexander back - I am not jumping off that train just yet either.

• "A lot of blame has been placed on Michael Vick, but his wide receivers are just downright horrible. With all these dropped passes, Michael Vick, I suggest you file a missing person’s report on their hand"- Shannon Sharpe
• "I know drops are subjective, but to whip out my calculations, sometimes I use scratch paper, sometimes my head and sometimes a calculator, he has between 8-10 dropped passes."- Shannon Sharpe

Week 11:

• "Randy Moss is not a leader. He doesn't deserve to be the captain of the Oakland Raiders. He's the one who said he wanted to be traded. He's not happy. His effort is lacking. That's a disgrace to the uniform. I don't care what uniform you have on."- Boomer Esiason

Week 12:

• "The first change I would make would be to tell Arthur Blank to stay up in the booth. You barely know the difference between a screen porch and a screen play. And you only know about a screen porch because you worked at Home Depot. Stay up in the booth and let Jim Mora do his job. Second of all, no, I don't think they're going to make the playoffs."- Shannon Sharpe
• It may look like one of those old games between Dan Marino and Boomer Esiason - whichever quarterback has the ball in his hands at the end - he's going to get a chance to throw that winning interception.- Steve Tasker (on the HOU-NYJ game)

Week 13:

• "If you're a Cincinnati Bengal, you take care of business, everything is right in front of you. If they go 3-1 at the end of the year, they'll get a wild card."- Dan Marino
• "I think you stay with Rex Grossman. He's a young quarterback. He has made mistakes. Early he played really well. He was getting a lot of support from his running game when he was playing well earlier in the year. Yes, the last six games he has the turnovers and mistakes. This is a guy that can win for you and get them to the Super Bowl"- Dan Marino

Week 14:

• "If he doesn't improve his play, he's going to be on the bench and Brian Griese is going to be the next quarterback of the Chicago Bears."- Charlie Casserly
• "I have to disagree with you. What I saw was a jittery, deer-in-the-headlights quarterback-type back there. I think Mike Shanahan is playing with fire here. They're with seven wins right now in the AFC. They have a chance to get to the playoffs. By removing Jake Plummer, you take that out of the equation right now. I think this is a big mistake."- Boomer Esiason
• "Absolutely not. To be successful in the postseason, you have to be able to stop the run. And right now the Colts' defense cannot do that…They're giving up over five yards a rush. It's not good. They have to get it straightened out if they have any aspirations of playing in Miami in February."- Rich Gannon
• "If anybody can do it, it could be Peyton Manning because he'd have to play perfect. He's capable of doing that. [They are] a team that can't stop the run…They have a drug problem. They're getting drug up one side of the field and drug back down the other. That is a real problem. You can’t do that in the playoffs, so, I say no."- Dan Marino

Week 15:

• "Spitting in the face of DeAngelo Hall, and let me preface this by saying Congress is not in session, but they would have had to call an emergency session and pass special legislation to get me off T.O. if he had done that to me. T.O., you being from the South, I myself am from the South, you know that's one of the greatest taboos that you do not do to another man. And for you to be smug with a cavalier attitude in saying you’re sorry… Don't apologize to the public. Don’t apologize to us at these desks."- Shannon Sharpe
• "At least we know he's an equal opportunity offender. He will offend anybody: his own teammates, his own coaches, his owners. He will sabotage a particular season or franchise, and this time, now he goes across the line and spits in the face of an opposing player."- Boomer Esiason
• "Home Depot does not sell enough nails and plywood to fix what's wrong them. Even with Ed Reed pushing the umpire into the running back, they still couldn't stop the run. Indy, you're in trouble and no team has ever gone to the Super Bowl lower than 20th in run defense. You need to get it fixed and I don't see how you can get it done with the personnel you have."- Shannon Sharpe
• "He will be fine. He will be fine. Trust me. There are a lot of happy women out there now that Tom Brady is a single man, I can assure you that."- Shannon Sharpe

Week 16.......Stangely missing from the archives. Did something happen that week that I missed?

Week 17:

• It hasn't changed. I thought it was going to be the New York Jets and the Denver Broncos...So Denver is going to go play New England in a rematch of last year's playoff game and the Jets will go to Indianapolis in their opening playoff game. So, the Jets and Denver make it in.- Boomer Esiason
• I do agree with you, Phil, of how great Peyton Manning is...but he's not going to the Super Bowl. This team is severely flawed. You cannot win a Super Bowl with a running defense like the Indianapolis Colts have. Dan Marino lived through this in Miami and now Peyton Manning is living through it in Indianapolis- Boomer Esiason
• All right. Let's start with Tony Romo. He's 1-2 in his last three games. He's gone from Jessica Simpson to Carrie Underwood, so he's not winning the Super Bowl.- Boomer Esiason
• "Michael Vick, I'm going to keep it real. You guys are not that talented. And talent alone does not win football games. The team that plays the best together on that particular Sunday, that's the team. You make no one around you better. You are a better football player. You run the football. You got 1,000 yards. You're so proud of that, but that's like LaDainian Tomlinson saying I lead all in running back passes. That's what you're there for to run the football. You're there to distribute the football and make that team better - and you have not done that."- Shannon Sharpe

Playoffs!??!?! Playoffs?

• Boomer Esiason wearing a Bill Belichick-like hooded sweatshirt on who he thinks will win: "You know I'm sticking with it, JB. This man has a Ph.D. in NFL coaching. Other coaches that he plays against make mistakes. He never makes a mistake. Plus he has Tom Brady. In order for the Indianapolis Colts to win this game, they've got to get some of that confidence back that they're missing on offense. But I don't think that's going to happen."
• Eli Manning knows no matter what happens, he’s going to be the starting quarterback for the New York Giants next year. Tom Coughlin knows if they lose this ballgame, there’s a great chance that he's not going to be coach of the New York Giants next year. That’s a lot of pressure.- Shannon Sharpe
• If I’m Lovie Smith, he doesn't make it to the playoff game. He's on the bench and Brian Griese is in.- Shannon Sharpe
• Marino: You never tell anybody you're not giving 100%. Even if you don’t feel it, don't tell anybody. Boomer: He's the Paris Hilton of NFL quarterbacks. (On Rextasy)

Well I'm glad you made it to the bottom of the list. You better have read every single one because I spent two hours on this damn post!!!!!

Okay....buckle down.....this might be a long afternoon. An unknown emailer tipped me off on where to find the pregame and game transcripts for each week. Basically I'm in heaven tearing through all of these.

Part 1- NFL Today Pregame History (you can really skip this post)
Part 2- 2007 Highlights and Lowlights
Part 3- Breakdown of the Pregame Team

To be completely honest.....I don't even have the slightest clue on how to grade the Pregame Shows for the networks. I don't really like any of them. They all have some bright spots, but each one has that one person that just grates on your nerves (For me...FOX- Jimmy Johnson, ESPN- Irvin/Berman, CBS- see below). If there was a gun to my head I'd choose to watch FOX, but that's slowly changed because of JB moving over to CBS. I think JB is the best in the business.....who really cares if says the word "indeed" 250 times in an hour.

Anywho....I digress....onto The NFL Today on CBS.....

Unlike now.....my go to Pregame show when I was younger was CBS. I hated the AFC growing up, but I would always watch the pregame on the Eye. I could stand (not anymore) Brent Musburger, and Irv Cross was the man. They added Jimmy The Greek, and I began placing wagers on the line with my Pops. Good times.

CBS was in the middle of "jumping the shark" when I started watching though. They had apparently just finished going all ESPN on the show. They randomly had hired Miss America Phyliss George to add some spice to the show, but luckily she was gone before I was able to understand television.

(CBS had the dubious honor of being the channel that had the Away NFC Team games, which worked out perfect for me when the Skins were on the road.)

Well after they botched that....CBS denied Musburger and my boy Irv contracts, and moved onto Terry Bradshaw and Greg Gumbel. After that they had a 4 year hiatus.....picked up the AFC contract in 97, and that's when I changed the channel. It wasn't until Nantz came on to do the Pregame that I started watching again.

Just to turn it off again when Deion came aboard. I couldn't stand how he called people "my man", and the interviews he did were just crap. I loved that Boomer Esiason hated him, but that wouldn't get me to watch. Dan, Boomer, and Nantz were good, but I just can't stand Sanders.

After that crapfest Nantz went into the booth and Gumbel came out. Somehow they thought it would be a great idea to hire Shannon Sharpe.....I doubly didn't watch then.

Onto this year. I was perfectly happy to not watch CBS again, but they pulled off the Announcing move of the 2000s. They got James Brown to come over from FOX. If they could only get rid of Shannon somehow I'd watch every week.

I really only watch now for the site. I mainly stay on FOX, but switch over if Terry starts rambling.
____________________________

So that's your my timeline. That was enjoyable right? To tell you the truth I have no idea how that's relevant, but F it....I spent 30 minutes writing that shiz I mind as well post it.

Noticed this at USA Today, and it jumped out at me. In an article about the NBA All-Star Game being in Las Vegas....Wilbon is quoted as saying the following.....

"It's a younger, more diverse, hipper urban crowd," says Michael Wilbon, a Washington Post sports columnist and ABC/ESPN analyst who's covered both games many times. "While I still call it Black Thanksgiving, it's a bigger celebration than that. At the core of it is the sensibilities of African-Americans and the parties we give."

Wait what? Black Thanksgiving??? I'm confused on how to take this and maybe you can help. I'm thinking either A) It's Wilbon making a "Soul Food" type of joke saying that African-Americans make a party out of every event....or B) He's saying that is a problem with today's African-Americans. Either way it was kind of odd.....I don't know if I should laugh or be weirded out.

It's especially odd if it is a joke because it's really out of place. The whole article is slanted negatively towards the ASG weekend. In fact I'm lost on the whole article.....that's what I get for ready the Mc Paper online.

So you knew it was coming, and all I can say is wow. It's sort of NSFW (if your work doesn't like hearing the phrase "take a big dump"), and it's genius.



You know.....I was completely unaware that Thomas Jones read Danielle Steel. I did however know about his baking prowess.

I know I do! Mikey Irvin will be on the Late Late Late Late Show with Carson Daly (some call it Last Call). If anything exciting happens (like he takes a bump off of Daly's chest) I'll try to post some video.

I hope didn't spoil it by searching for the other two. CBS plans to have an extra two Sideliners for Sunday's game.....where will they be?

In the Stands. Wait what?!?! Yep. CBS will have two people entirely devoted to interviewing player's parents the entire game. I have no idea who thought this up, but were Solomon and Steve not good enough to walk up a set of stairs? Guess not.

You all had some good guesses.....

Signal To Noise: Please, please, please, let one of the embeds be Bonnie Bernstein (or someone female), because it's dollars to donuts the other is Armen Keteyian.

Nope....I'd love Bonnie as well, but no such luck. And Armen is who I would have picked but he's wrong too.

MDG: I'm picturing Sam Ryan minus a cute Bonnie B hat. and Armen on the other sidleine.

That hat is trademarked, and another vote for Armen......

So who are you're winners? Well MDG was right on with one of them.....It's Sam Ryan and Lesley "I have to be 65 by now" Visser! Whoopee!

Sam Ryan:

Samantha is basically a Sideline....umm, for lack of a better word....Whore. She's worked for every station under the Sun. The list includes CBS, ESPN, Fox Sportsnet, and a local NYC ABC affiliate.

Other things you may or may not have known.......

• Was actually an NHL Sideline Reporter at one point.
• Has two kids named Jensen and Nicklaus (gay).
• Served as a MNF Sideliner when Michele Tafoya was on maternity leave.
• Was a sideline reporter for Gridiron Battle of the Stars.
• Birth name is Denise Dombroski. Have no idea how it changed though.
  
• Senior project at NYIT was titled "Gender Bias in Sports Broadcasting and Media Coverage." (wish I was making that up, but it's true)

So what do I think about Sam Ryan? She's okay I guess. I would have loved a dream combination of Erin Andrews and Bonnie B, but alas my dreams will never be met. (Good article here on why Bonnie left CBS)

Current Grade: C+
_________________________________

Lesley Visser:

What can you say about good ole' Lesi? She's been around since 1984....she's been at every possible major sporting event.....and she's boring as hell. Since she married Dick Stockton in the early 90s she's been getting the primo gigs. I'm not saying that she slept her way to the top, but come on.....Dick Stockton?!?!

Other stuff you may or may not have known......

• Visser suffered a bizarre jogging accident in New York's Central Park in which she broke her hip and skidded face-first across the pavement.
• Became the first woman sportscaster to carry the Olympic Torch.
• Only Sportscaster to work the Final Four, NBA Finals, Triple Crown, MNF, The Olympics, The Super Bowl, The World Figure Skating Championships, The U.S. Open, The Gravity Games, The X-Games, The Dubai Open, The Candadian Curling Championships, The English Premier Cricket Championship, Pros vs. Joes, The XFL Championship.......okay, at some point I started making those up.....see if you can figure out where.
• She was the first female NFL Beat Writer.

While she's a pioneer for female sports types.....I just can't stand her. She reminds of Julie Chen from Big Brother (that may or may not be because she dates Les Moonves). It's hard-hitting interviews like these that have gotten her where she is today.....



zzzzzzzzzzzzz......Huh What?!?!......Oh sorry I fell asleep.

Quotes:

"When I started, the press credentials said 'No women or children in the press box,' ... There are a lot of things in the workplace that you can attempt to hide, and I could not hide the fact that I was a woman. I was always the only woman in the press box, and they didn't even have ladies rooms."

"I think it will be a heck of a chess match."

Current Grade: D+ (I told you I didn't like her)

So there you have em' Wilcots, Tasker, Ryan, and Visser. What are your thoughts on this bang up team of (worthless) Sideline Reporters?

Back tomorrow with your pregame and halftime team. You think there are just four of them....tsk tsk. It's the Super Bowl my friend.....there are six. You'll be surprised who the extra two are I promise.

So who am I to tell CBS what to do right? You go the entire season without any real sideline reporters, which was effing brilliant.......and then you bring them ALL back for the Playoffs and Super Bowl. And by all I mean ALL 4. How in the hell are 4 sideline reporters supposed to work? Do they each get a quarter? Well either way here they are in all of their glory. I'm going to give them current grades and then we can see if they did better or worse in the Super Bowl. It'll be fun....trust me. Trust me!

Steve Tasker:

Steven is a good ole' boy. He loves hunting and is sort of a maniac. You have to be to play your entire career as a gunner on special teams. How do I know he was a maniac? Well you may or may not remember, but Tasker was ejected in his final game for protesting a muffed punt, and bumped a referee. Good Stuff.

Other things you may or may not know.....

• Majored in Communications at Northwestern.
• Played in 7 Pro Bowls
• Stands 5'8"
• Does Play-by-Play for Bills in the Preseason
• Often confused with Don Beebe
  
• He REALLY loves hunting

Steve's been on CBS since he retired in 1997. They went through a huge shuffle that year and he somehow ended up with the job after a screen test. Steve has been steadily climbing my list of acceptable color guys, and is pretty damn funny during a broadcast.

Quotes:

"It's never as bad as it seems and never as good as it seems either."

"The Buffalo Bills are a punch line. We were always the team that couldn't win the big game. But we kept getting to the big game."

"Well, the best part about it for me after having been a player is the fact that there is no scoreboard for us in the booth. We don’t really care who wins, what we want is a competitive game. And for the player of course, that’s not what he wants."

Current Grade: B
___________________________________________

Solomon Wilcots:

Solomon on the other hand is the straight-laced serious type. Boomer Esiason's boy is not the best at the sideline stuff as evidenced by the Bill Belichick Incident (great band name), but you can't really blame him for that. Solomon has actually gone on record as saying that Rextasy is a "good quarterback" and that he likes that Lovie Smith "let's the kid go out and make mistakes" (hmm let's see how much Lovie likes that if he does it in the Super Bowl)

Other things you may or may not know.....

• Solomon was a DB in the league for six years.
• Has a kid name Skylar (I hate that name)
• Likes to eat chicken in the nude (Not true, but I really couldn't find anything else)

Unlike Steve Tasker....I'm not a big Wilcots fan. He botches names all the time and he has that "I played the game, and you don't know what you're talking about" attitude that drives me nuts (*ahem Phil Simms!). What the hell....let's watch it again....



The best part is how depressed Solomon sound afterwards. "Okay Coach."

Other Quotes:

"Whenever you have a group of good coaches, good teachers and good leaders, you wind up being taught so well you tend to know things and maybe see things other people don't."

"Current players share with me in a way they probably wouldn't to an outsider, to a guy who hasn't been in the locker room. Not taking anything away from a guy who hasn't, you can still come to an understanding about the game, but having played provides a great sense of enlightenment." (What a dick.)

Current Grade: C- (Only because I don't loathe him like some of the others)

So there you have them your Sideline Reporters for the Super Bo.......oh wait.....I said that there were four right? Well they aren't exactly sideline reporters, so they get their own post. Learn more about the two "Embed-eds" a little later on, and leave your Tasker/Wilcots thoughts in the 'ments.

Wow was yesterday ever entertaining. You have to check out at least the Bears Poet Interview.....it was hilarious. The guy broke out a new poem (I like to call them raps) live on air. Today is more of the same.....

Bad Jocks, Kissing Suzy Kolber, Pro Football Talk and Da Superfans.

With a special guest appearance from a certain ESPN Columnist (You get three guesses).

Jamie is taking questions and relaying them to the guests starting at 12 noon, so IM him early and often at DCSportsGuy. And if you don't have IM you can email me questions at AwfulAnnouncing@gmail.com, and I can forward them on for you.

Sports Bloggers Live

Bears Poet Matt Ballard (Highly recommended!)

I will see you later today with some Super Bowl XXXXI (that was a joke by the way) Announcing Team previews. Today.....the sideline reporters....I bet you can't guess how many CBS will have???

(Psst......the answer is 4.)

For years and years I've been telling bosses/employers that I would "not be in" on the Monday after the Super Bowl (in fact it's going on 6 years straight). But some blokes in North Carolina have decided to bring it to Congress (or some lowly NC congresswoman named Sue Myrick)...

From Newsday.....That official day off would be observed on a Monday, in the grand American tradition of the three-day weekend - and in recognition of the debilitating Sunday excess of unhealthy food, strong beverage, televised sporting violence, relentless commercialism and not a small amount of gambling. No need to call in sick if the office is closed.

By Friday, 7,401 "yes" votes had been cast at the SuperBowlMonday.com Web site in favor of a day-after Super Bowl holiday observation. (There were 268 "no" votes.) This self-proclaimed "grass-roots political campaign," begun shortly before the 2006 Super Bowl, is "serious," said SuperBowlMonday creator Robert Chute, 40, of suburban Charlotte, generating "hundreds of thousands of hits a day."

That's a lot of signatures actually, and I'm SUUUURE this is going to work. Yep, asking for a holiday that involves drinking your face off the day before and waking up at noon......wait a tic.....isn't there one of these circa January. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

SuperBowlMonday.com.....vote early and vote often!

Just found a leaked version of the K-Fed Commercial, and it is too funny. Enjoy!



NATIONWIDE IS ON YO SIZZZZIDE!

For some reason (unbeknownst to anyone at Disney/ESPN, or anyone in America for that matter) ESPN has been removed from programming in the oh so wonderful country of China. So what does that mean for those in Singapore.....well no more Yao Ming for starters.

ESPN and Star Sports have gone off the air in China after the authorities refused to renew their permits last week.

They were the only channels among a group of foreign nets not to be reupped by China's State Administration for Radio, Film and Television. No reason was given for the refusal.

Channels are operated out of Singapore by ESPN Star Sports, a joint venture between News Corp. and Disney, and were already restricted to broadcasting to hotels with three-star or higher ratings and to compounds for foreign nationals.

The logical explanation according to Variety is the lack of Soccer Programming on the network. A group of local channels apparently show Engligh Premier League games. It's all very govermental and confusing, but bottom line to my friends in China.....No Berman for you!

China Yanks ESPN (Variety.com)

So here is SBL's Rad (and a bit overwhelming) Schedule of Bloggers and other guests this week. The fun starts at 12 Noon Today, so listen here...it's live and the first guest is well...she's a looker.

Sarah Spain
Matt Ballard from those weird YouTube Videos
Brandon Lang, whom Two For the Money was based on....Played by my boy Matt Mc!
Mike Florio from Pro Football Talk
Big Daddy Drew from where else??? KSK
Bob Reno from Bad Jocks
Peter Schrager from FOX Sports
Dave Warner from Dave's Football Blog
Jared Fogel- The Subway Guy who's apparently a Colts Fan (ahem*- Bandwagon!)
AJ Daulerio is the balls
Michael David Smith, Stephanie Stradley, and MJD from The NFL Fanhouse

......and awful announcing......little ole' me. I'm on Thursday.....but Sarah Spain, Brandon Lang, the Bears Poet, and Jared are up today.

They are in the middle of Sports Media Row, so other guests are certain to be grabbed as they walk by.

They are finishing up the Year in Review- 2006, and starting live in a few....enjoy! Sports Bloggers Live

Mister Irrelevant

Little bit of a delay, but they are live now.....click the link and enjoy. There's already been a Neon Deion sighting.....sweet.

Also....you can contact Jamie and CT at 866-382-7469 when you're drunk and attempt to get on the next day's show. Jamie's also taken IMs during the show at DCSportsGuy.....feel free to bother him starting now.

Are you ready for it? (I don't think you are.)

Are you prepared the amount of hype that is going to be drilled into your brain? (Nope....I'm pretty sure you're not.)

Are you all set to embark on a ride of everything football for the next 7 days? (In fact I know you're not ready.)

Are you equipped to handle Bears versus Colts for the next 7 days/168 Hours/10,080 Minutes/604,800 Seconds? (Nah...no way.)

Do you know how I know? Because it's just too much for one human being......

The Stats and Info.......

• Between ESPN and The NFL Network they will span 190 hours of Super Bowl programming.
• The NFL Network will carry EVERY press conference.
• ESPN accounts for 90 hours of that 190, and they will originate from 12th and Ocean Drive in South Beach.
• Mike and Mike, Cold Pizza, and SportsCenter will all be live from Miami.
• 55 of The NFL Network's 100 hours will be live programming.
• Warren Sapp will be a special correspondent for the NFL-N (Shoot Me Now!).
• Wednesday through Friday the NFL-N will try to have a live show from 12-5:30.....with no actual game highlights.
• The Best Damn Sports Show Period will be taping live every day from 2-4pm. The Guest List- Monday: Don Shula, Hines Ward; Tuesday: Jimmy Johnson, Mike Ditka; Wednesday: Chad Johnson, Jim Kelly; Thursday: Joe Montana; Friday: John Elway, Donovan McNabb.
• CBS will then be on hand to clean up all the mess in a day long preview....making the gametime seem further and further away than it is.
  
• And personally my favorite stat of all............

ESPN will deploy 23 Announcers (loose term for "talking heads").......AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN CALLING THE GAME!!!

Absolutely insane....Add to this the coverage every sports website, your local television coverage, late-night talk shows, and any other wacky/zany entity that's sure to ask a stupid question on Media Day.....and that's your Super Bowl week.

Just like every other blog and/or legitimate website I'll be ridiculously busy throwing information in your face, and I hope you enjoy at least 1/10th of it.

You'll get announcer/studio host reports all week and even zany stories like a hot girl goes on Ebay to sell herself to get tickets.....You can't tailgate at the Super Bowl.....wait what?!?!

From reader Scott......CBS-Miami

"There is no tailgating allowed in the Dolphin Stadium parking lots," Sue Jaquez, a member of the Super Bowl XLI Host Committee, confirmed on Tuesday. "And there is no tailgating anywhere within a one-mile radius of the stadium." "And there are no RVs allowed."

Tailgating is permitted during regular- and post-season games for Dolphins fans, a team official on Tuesday said it would indeed be allowed at the Super Bowl. According to Jaquez, however, the official has been seriously misinformed.

The Dolphins do not organize and oversee the Super Bowl, Jaquez pointed out. Instead, those duties are left up to NFL officials. And because of security reasons, no pre-game partying on (or very near) the premises will take place. Fans spotted tailgating could face charges, Jaquez said.

"This is part of the NFL, not the Dolphins," Jaquez said. "If the Dolphins are saying there's tailgating -- or think it's going to be allowed -- then they need to contact the NFL."

Well then....thanks bitch. Either way it will be a fun week. Thursday will be especially Rad with my appearance on Sports Bloggers Live (much more to come on this), and a Live-Blog from Sam T that night of the Duke-UVA game on ESPN.

Hopefully I'll see you on the other end of this mess.

***Update***- Sorry forgot to mention something.....I'm not going to be live-blogging the event because I think of this day as a holiday. But for some reason the good folks at IFilm have given me the exclusive right (or they asked a ton of blogs) to put up the commercials that will be aired during the SB.

I should have the vids of each (good) ad that runs within 40 minutes of their airing. But please......do something fun.....go out.......and view them drunk when you get home.

For a good while now I've been saying that everyone who links and/or asks for a link will get one. Well that process has slowly deteriorated over the past few months. Talk to that hussy of a USC Song Girl Megan if you're looking to place blame. There have just been so many links over the past few months that it's just impossible.

No I'm not bragging.....I think it's rad that people come here everyday, and I'd never take myself that seriously. So here's what I'm proposing......just email me. I don't care what your site is....just email me and you'll eventually have a link. And if you don't get a link....email me again.....make me feel guilty.....and you will get a link. It's just much easier to stay organized through email.
______________________

Mr. Mottram.....The Blogfather, and creationist of the insanely popular, rad, and informative (I'm really only saying this because I want him to hire me. Seriously....you so need a "make fun of people" guy) Fanhouse.....will be in Miami all next week for the SuperBowl. Sports Bloggers Live will be on site and will undoubtedly have some insane guests. Well one of those guests happens to be yours truly. I am certain to be the lowest guest on the totem pole, but I'm going to try my darnedest to give my two cents on everything involving the Super Bowl Broadcast and the Announcing Team.

This should take place Thursday around lunchtime, and I'll give you some more info as it comes to me (Seriously......they've had Bob Costas, Lee Corso, Jim Nantz, Peter King, AND Wayne Brady......I don't know how I can compete). Below is Jamie on Cold Pizza talking about the Top 40 Sports Figures of 2006 which AA was a part of.


______________________________________

Onto the links.....sponsored by Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars"......



We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I link here
If I just link here
Would you link with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
they're not enough

If I link here
If I just link here
Would you link with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a link-garden that's bursting into life

Stephon Marbury is going to be an announcer? (NBA Fanhouse)
Funny article about Super Bowl wagers (Extrapolater)
The NFL Draft Redo (Complete Sports)
Donde Esta Gerry? (Just Call Me Juice)
Jeff Garcia on Leno (The 700 Level)
Another great Sports Blogger Interview (The Big Picture)
A funny take on the NBA's Announcers (The Sports Hernia)
Jeremey Piven will be in TNT's All-Star commercials......greaaaaat. (Sports Media Watch)
___________________________________

And finally a funny tidbit from reader Riggster......

Not sure if this qualifies as "Awful Announcing" but it made me laugh as I was listening: I was listening to the Lakers game last night on AM570 KLAC as they were playing the Warriors. Color commentator Mychal Thompson was talking about Kobe Bryant. He said, "All Kobe needs to do is average 8 points a quarter, if he does that he'll average 24 points." A few seconds later, as Spero Dedes was continuing to call the play by play, Thompson mentioned that the producer corrected him and the correct total would be 32 points." Thompson attended the University of Minnesota and excelled in basketball, he is still the schools leading scorer. They must not make the basketball players take math up there.

They must not. Have a great weekend!

More videos....YAY! This is from last Saturday's SNL, and while it's not very funny (in fact it sucks) I feel obligated to post it. Jeremy Piven (who will be all over the sports world soon with some TNT All-Star Game commercials) is Jim Nantz and the "Hey Babe!" Guy is Phil Simms. Enjoy....if you enjoy SNL and things that suck.



Nancy's actual response, "Man, there is a resemblance...I finally found my long lost twin."

"Piven has always been one of my favorite guys - I've rooted for him as an actor since he gave that great best-man speech in `Serendipity.' His character in that movie talking a mile a minute reminded me of the many high-intensity folks I work with in television. All in all I was honored, and hopefully I can track down Jeremy and say thanks."

Seren-F'ing-Dipity Jim? Come on.

Nantz's Wish: To hug it out with actor Piven (Daily News)

My favorite part is at :55. When announcing Channing Frye from the Knicks she throws a bit of A-TI-TUDE into the audition. I say give her a chance....she's at least better than the DE-TROIT-BASKET-BALL!!!!!!!!!! Guy.

The machine that is MJD has taken to posting videos (click the link) at The Fanhouse pretty much the instant they happen. This is one of TNT announcer Kevin Harlan going batshit crazy about an average Kirk Hinrich jumper in transition. It's the phrase he uses that is the interesting part.

"AND KIRK HINRICH WILL DROP THE DEUCE!"




Pretty disgusting Kevin. It actually sounds like he says chop the deuce, but we all know how bloggers can turn peoples words against them (ahem....Sean Salisbury). I'm pretty sure Kevin Harlan's dad isn't dying of cancer though, so it's cool. I'm going with "Chop the Deuce" as my new favorite expression. Should last about a week.

You've all probably seen this already, but a funny/eerie/weird rumor started yesterday afternoon on Pro Football Talk. With in a span of seven minutes they reported and solved the rumor.

POSTED 3:13 p.m. EST, January 25, 2007

TERRY BRADSHAW DEAD?

We're picking up some unconfirmed reports from diverse sources that Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw died in a car accident on Thursday.

We don't know whether it's true, and if it is true the world would suddenly be a far less enjoyable place. If anyone knows about this, please drop us a line.

And Terry, if you're out there, let us know you're okay.

POSTED 3:20 p.m. EST; UPDATED 4:41 p.m. EST, January 25, 2007

TERRY IS FINE

Whew.

One of our industry sources tells us that the rumors of Terry Bradshaw's demise are not true. He is alive and well and on vacation.

We're not sure how the rumor got started, but it has been running rampant today. Apparently, the FOX public relations department had been inundated with calls regarding Bradhaw's status, even before we posted our first item regarding the rumor.

Good Lord PFT.....DO NOT SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! I don't know how I would go on with this site, and ultimately life, if TB kicked it. All praise be to Jebus.

I have no idea why I'm THAT excited about this, but for some reason I am....



"Ain't nobody quick at 67"- CB
"Are you quick"- Ernie
"I'm going to be lumbering"- CB

Odds have moved to Bavetta 1-2.....Chuck 5-1.

So ESPN has hired yet another Baseball analyst. Frank Robinson (the one in the picture.....not this Frank Robinson) will join Baseball Tonight starting in Spring Training and work through 2 weeks of the regular season. So you're asking why would he not work the whole season?

Well it's just for the "Beginning of the Season Jackie Robinson 60th Anniversary Thingy" (I think that's the official name of it).

That just seems really odd to me. ESPN is basically telling people that they are only hiring a black man to do black things. Maybe I've got this wrong, but the Frank Robinson I know (I got his autograph at a car dealership in '92) wouldn't stand for this. Oh well, all I was hoping for was a team to hire Dusty Baker, so I don't have to listen to his stammering ass anymore.

Crap.

Dusty Baker, who has signed a two-year deal with ESPN, will serve as a studio analyst both in Bristol and on the West Coast for the regular season and the playoffs. He will call ten regular-season MLB games as well as the Little League World Series. A clause in Baker’s deal allows teams to contact him about a managerial position.

That totally knocks my Little League watching schedule down to about 15 games.


















________________________

In related (not really.....he's just a baseball player like the other two) story Jim Leyritz got a radio gig in NYC on ESPN 1050. Who cares right? Right.

So you come to me why? Because I'm going to tell you what you already know? Of course not. You know the whole Jew story already, which is why I'm giving you Sean Salisbury the Financial Advisor. Because he umm......should be giving financial advice right?



"It was a concierge type thing. It ended up costing me 50-60 grand.....and I never made a mistake again"- SS, riiiiiight Jew Boy.

Sports Media Watch

		Hi awfulannouncing, I’m Kevin Bacon and I’d like to introduce you to Six Degrees, a program which makes it easy for you to raise awareness and support for a charity that’s important to you. It is my hope that Six Degrees will soon be a force for good, by bringing a social conscience to social networking. I’d love you to be part of this important effort. You may recognize some of my friends who have already joined me: Kyra Sedgwick, Jessica Simpson, Ashley Judd, Dana Delany, Jane Kaczmarek, Bradley Whitford, and Nicole Kidman. How can you join this powerful network? Take a few moments to make your own Six Degrees AIM Page. We’ve created a special template to make it simple and fast to get started. You can use your AIM Page to tell the world about your special cause, why it’s important to you and raise money for it with the help of the AIM for Good module. Our partnership with Network for Good, which happens to be my charity choice, helps to ensure that any online donations are safe and secure. Over the years, ‘Six Degrees’ has come to mean that we’re all connected in this world. Through Six Degrees, we can tap the power of social networking to make a real difference for those in need. They are counting on us. Make sure to check out my AIM Page to keep track of our progress and check out sixdegrees.org to learn more about the entire Six Degrees effort. Thank you.
		Kevin Bacon

One Mr. David Robert Joseph Beckham. Apparently there was a bidding war for his first major interview on U.S. Television that I was unaware of. Either way CBS won the thing over also-rans Jay Leno and Oprah, and Becks will be one of the soon to be many interviews for the big game.

From The Sunday Mirror- UK.....

DAVID BECKHAM is to give a TV interview which will be screened during the Superbowl final - watched by 80million Americans.

Becks, 31, hopes he can win over the US and their sports fans to bring his and wife Victoria's Brand Beckham to America.

As well as 80million US TV viewers the 75,000 fans in Miami's Dolphins Stadium will also see Beckham's big interview on giant screens.

Oh what a treat for those in attendance Beckham AND Prince......they must have died and gone to heaven. I don't know how much sense this actually makes considering no one watches soccer in America, and it's unlikely they ever will. But hell they are both called Football....it's worth a shot right?

I came across this today, and it's one of those from the "Wish I thought of that Department". Card Chronicle took to the task of writing down every person/topic that Dickie V talked about other than the game he was supposed to be calling this past Monday (UCONN-Louisville). The results are hilarious....I warn you.....this list is loooooong.

1. Duke
2. Mike Krzyzewski
   
3. Duke (1986)
   
4. Kansas
   
5. Tennessee
   
6. Bruce Pearl
   
7. Chris Lofton
   
8. Tennessee (Women's)
   
9. Kentucky
   
10. Tubby Smith
    
11. Kentucky (1996)
    
12. Kentucky (1997)
    
13. Kentucky (1998)
    
14. Pittsburgh
    
15. Marquette
    
16. St. John's
    
17. Syracuse
    
18. Providence
    
19. New Mexico State
    
20. Reggie Theus
    
21. Nevada
    
22. N.C. State (Women's)
    
23. Kay Yow
    
24. Boston University
    
25. Indianapolis Colts
26. Peyton Manning
    
27. Louisville football team
    
28. New York Yankees
    
29. Villanova
    
30. Maria Sharapova
    
31. Oklahoma State
    
32. Texas
    
33. Texas Tech
    
34. Indiana
    
35. Texas A&M
    
36. LSU
    
37. Depaul
    
38. Dobbins High School
    
39. Brian Brohm
    
40. Joe B. Hall
    
41. Jay Bilas
    
42. Sean Williams
    
43. Al Skinner
    
44. Marlon Garcia
    
45. Frank Sinatra
    
46. Illinois
47. Lou Carnesecca
    
48. Kevin Durant
    
49. Greg Oden
    
50. Alando Tucker
    

51. Aaron Brooks
    
52. Curry Kirkpatrick
    
53. Arizona
    
54. UCLA
    
55. His grandson Hunter
    
56. His grandson Jake
    
57. Tony Dungy
    
58. Joe Torre
    
59. Derek Jeter
    
60. Arizona (1997)
    
61. Bill Parcells
    
62. Brent Musberger
    
63. Steve Lavin
    
64. Eric Morgan
    
65. DJ White
    
66. Kelvin Sampson
    
67. Ohio State
    
68. Rece Davis
69. Tom Brady
    
70. Mike Anthony
    
71. Norby Williamson
    
72. Bo Derek
    
73. Tom Crean
    
74. Mario Boggan
    
75. Jameson Curry
    
76. North Carolina
    
77. Howie Schwab
    
78. Eva Longoria
    
79. Rosie O'Donnell
    
80. Donald Trump
    
81. Jim Boeheim
    
82. Bob Wright
    
83. Dan Marino
    
84. Jeff Jacobs
    
85. John Saunders
    
86. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
    
87. Erin Andrews
    
88. Bruce Weber
    
89. Rick Bozich
    
90. Wisconsin
    
91. Bo Ryan
92. Kammron Taylor
    
93. Florida
    
94. Georgetown
    
95. Chris Dodd
    
96. Digger Phelps
    
97. Mike Tranghese
    
98. Tony Bennett
    
99. Dave Gavitt
    
100. Danny Gavitt
     
101. Andrew Bynum
     
102. Sebastian Telfair
     
103. Amir Johnson
     
104. Scottie Reynolds
     
105. Uconn (women's)
     
106. John Vitale
     
107. Christopher Vitale
     
108. Justin Hawkins
     
109. Utah
     
110. Vernon Rule
     
111. Jim Valvano
     
112. Dee Rose
     
113. Walt Trumble
     
114. Jamal Mashburn
     
115. Pennsylvania
116. Detroit Pistons
     
117. Larry Bird
     
118. Magic Johnson
     
119. J.R. Giddens
     
120. Billy Gillespie
     
121. Acie Law
     
122. Nate Carter
     
123. South Florida
     
124. Robert McCallum
     
125. Chicago Bears
     
126. Lovie Smith
     
127. Mike & Mike
     
128. Dallas Cowboys
     
129. Tom Izzo
     
130. Dominic James
     
131. Paul Harris
     
132. Billy Donovan
     
133. Larry Brown
     
134. Lute Olson
     
135. Eddie Sutton
     
136. Gene Bartow
     
137. Al McGuire
     
138. Hugh Durham
139. Roy Williams
     
140. Frank Gardner
     
141. Ron Franklin
     
142. Fran Fraschilla
     
143. Tommy Amaker
     
144. Johnny Dawkins
     
145. Danny Ferry
     
146. Billy King
     
147. Mark Gallery
     
148. Awesome Baby (race horse)
     
149. Tim Welsh
     
150. Geoff McDermott
     
151. Herbert Hill
     
152. Georgia Tech
     
153. Thaddeus Young
     
154. Javaris Crittenton
     
155. South Carolina
     
156. Dave Odom

Some of my favorites are Maria Sharapova, Frank Sinatra, His Grandsons, Norby Williamson, Eva Longoria, Aaron Brooks, and Rosie O'Donnell. While it is funny that he brought these names up.....some are actually topical at the moment.......But Aaron Brooks???? When in the hell do you use Aaron Brooks' name in a broadcast ever besides, "I'm watching an Oakland Raiders game and Aaron Brooks has broken the single-game interception record".

With the Super Bowl coming up there will upwards of $100 Million Dollars in play this February. The bets that you can place are absolutely insane....Some of my Favorites....

What will Peyton Manning's QB Rating Be?
Peyton Manning's Total Rushing Attempts?
What will Joseph Addai's Yards per Rush be?
Dallas Clark's Longest Reception?
What will Rex Grossman throw first an Int or a TD?
And always the craziest one.....MVP of Super Bowl?

Here are the odds:
Manning Even
Dal. Clark +2000
Harrison +900
Vinatieri +1000
Bob Sanders +3000
Rhodes +1500
Addai +800
Wayne +1200
T. Wilkins +3000
Grossman +500
Muhammad +1900
Thomas Jones +1000
Berrian +1200
Benson +1000
Des. Clark +1800
Urlacher +2000
Hester +2000
Gould +1500
Field (any other player) +900

The weirdest part is that Gould has better odds than Mush Muhammad and Urlacher. Given the fact that a kicker has never won and MVP......I wouldn't bet on Goulet.

But my personal favorite bet comes via The Cappers Forum. You may have heard that another Bengals player was arrested, but did you know you could have won money on it?

Ticket Number: 45002100 - 1
Accepted Date: Jan 05, 2007 06:25 PM - EST
Graded Date: January 22, 2007 06:11 PM - EST

Wager Type: Future/Prop
Wager Status: Won
Risk: $10.00 (USD)
To Win Amount: $100.00 (USD)

Amount Paid: $110.00 (USD)

Description: NFL Futures - Cinci Bengals arrested special - Next Cincinnati player arrested will be? - Secondary Player +1000