Simmons Is Off ESPN's Couch But They Still Ain't "Getting It On"

Monday, June 02, 2008

Bill Simmons is in the midst of one of his marathon chats and he's already gotten out two pretty memorable and hilarious lines. The first was when someone finally got a question in about his relationship with ESPN....

Stephen (Nashville, TN): So you do a chat about the Finals, but you refuse to answer any question too probing because it "steps on the preview column." Is this whole thing just a show so we know you and ESPN are still cool?

SportsNation Bill Simmons: (12:25 PM ET ) I am no longer sleeping on the living room coach. Altrhough [sic] we're still not having sex.

Hilarious, but it's not as good as getting the word c**kblock through the defense!

Brian, Boston, MA: Forget the Finals for a minute! They are not on until Thursday night. Give me your breakdown of Gus doing the play-by-play during Saturday's MMA fights. How many times did he say "cut kick?"

Bill Simmons: (12:34 PM ET ) Obviously I was in heaven with GuJo announcing an MMA event, I have been pining for this for years (either MMA, boxing, wrestling or the Real World/Road Rules Challenge for Gus).

Bill Simmons: (12:35 PM ET ) The prob was that they stuck him with Frank Shamrock (who was fine) but also this crazed Canadian guy who was the third guy in the booth, sounded like an SNL sketch and seemed determined to jump in and keep talking every time something exciting happened just so Gus wouldn't be able to be the one who got excited. It was the first ever broadcast c**kblock. We need to kidnap this guy and keep him away from Gus. I mean it.

Too funny. The guy continues to amaze me with what he gets away with, but that's the leeway you get when you're the .com's biggest draw. Good times.

(Thanks to Mez for the tip)

Chat with Bill Simmons (ESPN)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 1:06 PM


Mauro Ranallo has really lost it these past couple of years. It should have been just Johnson and Shamrock.

The Editor said...
Jun 2, 2008, 1:46:00 PM  

His comment further down, poking fun at Easterbrook's frothing obsession with the Patriots was also pretty good.

Anonymous said...
Jun 2, 2008, 2:04:00 PM  

He snuck in a "dick," uncensored, into one of his answers as well, but it has since been taken down.

Anonymous said...
Jun 2, 2008, 2:30:00 PM  

"no longer sleeping on the coach."

Nice Freudian typo by Simmons.

Jay said...
Jun 2, 2008, 3:04:00 PM  

For all his faults and recent streak of crappy articles, I personally hope that he's on his way back to being good again.

GMoney said...
Jun 2, 2008, 4:18:00 PM  

They're not sleeping together, eh? Good thing he has a stack of Kevin Garnett photos and Costco tub of Vasoline.

Kyle said...
Jun 2, 2008, 6:42:00 PM  

That Canadian guy sounds like Kenny Albert on drugs.

Anonymous said...
Jun 2, 2008, 6:48:00 PM  

I am not an NBA fan so this spring has been the first time in 7 years that I have NOT read every Bill Simmons column. He just focuses so much of his attention on the NBA and the Celtics, and barely mentions baseball or other sports during the NBA season. And even when the season ends in a couple weeks, he'll be talking about the draft, and then next season. He should just call himself an NBA columnist and get it over with.

Even his latest Ramblings column (which were his best work and absolutely hilarious back in his early ESPN days) was sub-par and filled with NBA references.

I blame it all on (1) him getting married and having children and (2) the Red Sox winning the World Series in 2004. He just lost his edginess.

Jay said...
Jun 2, 2008, 10:08:00 PM  

Yeah, he had a great line about how Kobe "not being a dick" anymore doesn't suddenly make him a great team guy. It's since been changed to "jerk".

Anonymous said...
Jun 3, 2008, 8:34:00 AM  

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