It was a year ago yesterday that the NFL Network had to call one of the oddest audibles in NFL history. Dick Vermeil was battling an awful case of laryngitis during the first half of the December 14th game last season, and was benched to start the second half. What happened next was extraordinary. Instead of sending Marshall Faulk and/or Deion Sanders up to the booth to pinch hit....they left them on the set at the stadium. The three combine for the most awkward set of delays, different views of play, and stumbled over each other's words for an entire half.

Combined with Vermeil's Voice.....the first all African-American booth ever provided the worst announced game I've ever witnessed. Hands down. Well guess what?

They're teaming them up again!

Chris Collinsworth has a scheduling conflict for the December 15th, Saturday Night game between the 9ers and Bengals and the NFL Network is putting Deion and Marshall in as replacements. The NFL-N could surpass the awful meters highest reading of 101 (Why 1? Because I make the scale rules around here). You have Bryant Gumbel who is the worst Play by Play guy going, Rich Eisen in the pregame, and Sanders and Faulk to wrap it all up. Oh boy I can't wait!

If Marshall gives us even a fraction of his previous performances.....it'll be a blast!

What You Talkin Bout Marshall? (Awful Announcing)

That's a very vague and confusing title, but here's the deal. I'm going to take each Network's coverage and compare the analysts to the winning and losing teams in the draft. Why? Because no one else is doing it (and I have nothing better to do on a Monday). Up first....The NFL Network.

Being that I don't have the NFL Network at home I was forced to head out into the cruel world that is my parent's basement to catch some of the coverage. Yes, it is true...I blogged from my parent's basement....sadly, I was clothed.

(I'm just going to get this Simmons moment out of the way early....The highlight of the draft for me was when Houston drafted Amobi Okoye. My father calmly calmed him Bambale Osby (F-Maryland) at least 4 times. When I corrected him for the fourth time he just said, "Okay, Ombobby or whatever his name is." Classic.)

Check out the reviews after the jump.....

(Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)

NFL Network Grading:

Rich Eisen- Green Bay Packers- C-

Eisen, just like the Packers, is overrated and a complete annoyance and distraction to his employer (The Packers and Brett Favre to the entire League). Just like the Pack, Eisen tries to make a splash and actually be funny, but always comes off as smug and uninterested. I compare this to the pick of Justin Harrell. Taking him at 16 was waaaaay too high, and there are now rumors that Cleveland was offering them a 2008 1st rounder and a swap of picks in the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th round picks. That's just dumb to pass up for someone you could have taken much lower.

For a team that had about 1,000 picks they were pretty average....just like Eisen always is.

Mike Mayock- Baltimore Ravens- B+

Here's the thing about Mayock....he's 2x better than Mel Kiper Jr., but gets absolutely zero press. I liken this to the Ravens versus the Redskins in the Baltimore/DC Metro market. The Ravens have been destroying the Skins in every facet of the game....better product on the field, better with the fans, better in the draft, and better at developing players. All you ever hear about are the Skins woes...even last year when the Ravens had a great chance to make some noise in the playoffs.

Mayock is smarter and more knowledgeable than anyone out there. He gives more analysis when a pick is made, and thinks all the decisions through. This is pretty much the reason the Ravens have developed so many All-Pros over the years.

Dick Vermeil- Chicago Bears- B

Vermeil is the smarts of the group. He sees his spots and takes advantage of them by providing relevant coaching and football knowledge. This reminds me of Chicago because they always seem to be in the right spot at the right time when it comes to the draft. Things just fall into their lap...for example Greg Olsen and Dan Bazuin.

Marshall Faulk- Jacksonville Jaguars- C

Marshall is a rookie in the network game. He really needs a little bit more experience and time to grow before you start critiquing him. I liken him to the Jags because after a few rebuilding years they are just now starting to turn the corner, but this year they just had an average draft. Like Faulk, JAX tried to make a splash, but stretched on a lot of picks. They did pick up a good number of extra picks, so hopefully like the Jags....Marshall will build on this for next year.

Deion Sanders- Dallas Cowboys (surprise!)- C+

Always rumored to make a splash and be crazy, but in the end they are really overshadowed by the nonsense. Deion seemed to be reeled-in a bit for the draft along the same lines as the Cowboys. They made a good trade with Philly and also drafted a guy named Deon, but in the end the picks were pretty lackluster. (Anothony Spencer was an average DE for a bad Big-10 team, and the fact that Kiper thinks he could win ROY is just nonsense.)

Charles "Mangina" Davis- The Jets- D+

Charles is the team that you know is going to be horrible going in. They promise that they are going to do right this year, but you're just waiting for the train-wreck to take place. The Jets didn't have a lot of picks, but they wasted the ones they had. I think Revis was way overvalued. He played in an inferior Big East Conference, and just looked extremely slow on game film. Being a Michigan fan I also know that David Harris was burnt down the field early and often. Those picks aren't going to help you against the Pats anytime soon.....just like Charles Davis isn't going to help a broadcast anytime soon.

Adam Schefter- San Francisco 49ers- B+

Adam Schefter destroyed his ESPN counterpart Suzy Kolber in the reporting arena. Schefter is a great up-and-coming writer, and has gotten stronger every year. The 49ers appear to be doing the same. After years of poor drafting they are finally piecing together an amazingly talented and young team. The 9ers are Schefter are ones I'll be keeping an extra eye on during the season.

(P.S.- Schef broke the Randy Moss trade on Draft Day as well)

Overall I think the NFL Network did a much better job with the main players than ESPN. The NFL Network is the Moneyball version of an NFL broadcast. They don't have the same money or the same "talent" (word used loosely), but they turn out a great product for the dollars.

NFL NETWORK GRADE: B

(ESPN's review coming later today)

I missed this the other day as the schedules were being released, but apparently Bryant Gumbel is heading back into the booth. The NFL Network has decided to ignore the pleas of this site, and.....well everyone.....and will keep Gumbel as their PBP'er for next year.

Bryant Gumbel (play-by-play) and Cris Collinsworth (analyst) will call the games on NFL Network. Collinsworth earned a Sports Emmy nomination as "Outstanding Event Analyst" for his work on NFL Network games in 2006. Each NFL Network telecast will feature a live, two-hour pregame show from the host city, providing a unique feel for the atmosphere surrounding the event. In addition, a one-hour postgame show will wrap-up the action with interviews, highlights and press conferences.

There are not words to describe the debacle that was Saturday Night Football. I think I'm in the minority here, but I've always had the NFL Network since its inception in 2003. I've always enjoyed the channel. Especially when the Combine is in full swing (there's nothing like watching 75 different players do the 40 in a span of five minutes).

Well for those of you who DO NOT get the NFL Network you missed perhaps the funniest broadcast I've ever witnessed in my life. In fact it was so funny I should have started live-blogging (punching myself in the head repeatedly).

Dick Vermeil had such bad laryngitis that even BEFORE the game he was falling apart. And considering that he was going to spend his entire night talking........this wasn't going to end good.

Dick barely made it through the first half (as did I), and the NFL Network decided to ingeniously sub in Marshall "What You Talkin Bout" Faulk and then later add Deion Sanders into the mix. And with these changes the NFL Network inadvertently created the first 3-man African American Announcing Team.

The biggest travesty of the night was not Vermeil, nor Marshall, nor Deion, nor Gregory Gumbel.....no it was the fact that I had to go to a holiday party during the second half. It was like one of those moments in high school where everyone is telling a huge secret. Someone goes to tell you....and as you are waiting in extreme anticipation they drop this bomb on you. "Oh wait.....No.......I can't tell YOU!". And they walk away. That's how I felt after learning I would not be able to listen to the rest of the game.

Well you know what F them. And F the people who think listening to David Bowie's version of Little Drummer Boy is more important than laughing at the demise of the NFL Network. I mean what was I supposed to do??? Huh? Ruin Christmas??? (Dammit....you're right. I should have.)
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More important than "Throat Gate" (trademarked by me bitches!) is the fact that Bryant Gumbel is just plain AWFUL! Real Sports is far and above the best sports related show on television. It blows Outside the Lines out of the water. But you can't bring that "low-key"/somber tone and attitude into a broadcast of perhaps the most violent game in the world. It's not going to work.

Also saying things like, "The Shot Clock is running out"- BG, when it's actually called the PLAY Clock in Football......isn't going to help either.




Why Your Analyst Can't Have Laryngitis (Scott's Shots)

Update:

Bevo has left a new comment on your post "Dick Vermeil......Wow.":

I too love the NFL network especially their replay of games. Too bad you missed the second half because it blew the roof off the unintentional comedy scale. Vermeil refused to talk to Gumbel. Refused. Does anyone know what in the hell Marshall Faulk is talking about? He is worse than Eric Dickerson, who at least could complete a coherent sentence. Marshall, baby, take the damn marbles out of your mouth, watch the game, and provide some witty story that is more than tangentially elated to the play we saw. Deon Sanders would not shut the hell up. No wonder he was fired by CBS. How about this for a show on the WWL? Sanders and STEPHEN A. SMITH on the same set.

Damn you Bevo! I knew I missed comedy golf by getting dressed up in a sweater and drinking Nog-asakis with random people. Thanks for the comment though, and if anyone has anything to add......throw it in the 'ments.