Ah yes, what holiday season would be complete without a clip from Pam Ward to celebrate your New Year? Pammy thought she was throwing it to the studio for an update during the thrilling Little Caesars Pizza Bowl, but alas....she was still on live. Enjoy (from KSJ via Deadspin)!

The irony of all of this is that Ray Bentley went on a ten minute spiel about how professional was (when discussing females in Sports because of the female ref) earlier in the game. Too funny, and I a perfect video to end the decade with. Where would I be without you Pammy?

XOXO,
AA

Yes folks, it's that time of year. Pammy herself won the title last year, with Gary Danielson taking the crown in the first installment, so who will win this year? There's only one way to find out, and that's by spending a way too unhealthy amount of time sitting on your coach on a Saturday, and picking out the funniest/most inane comments from your college football announcers!

This year will run exactly the same as last year, with updates coming throughout the day, and a vote on Monday for the best comment. If anyone wants to put some odds together and/or submit their favorites, please do so in the comments. Here's a look at last year's winners, and some of your favorite quotes from past years.

1. Pam Ward (84) 2. Lou Holtz (73) 3. Gary Danielson (70) 4. Brent Musburger (66) 5. Mike Patrick (54) 6. Brad Nessler (48) 7. Bob Griese (36) 8. Petros Papadakis (33) 9. Andre Ware (24) 9. Paul Maguire (24)

2008 Pammy Award Winner- Pam Ward
2007 Pammy Award Winner- Gary Danielson

"If the ball hits the ground, by rule it's incomplete."- Mike Patrick

"Tim Tebow's like the snake doctor for Florida. Gotta stop the snake doctor, keep the Gators from moving the ball....this time he snaked Alabama with a play action pass." - Gary Danielson

"Part of the ligament that they replaced in him was a ligament from a cadaver. Yeah, he's got a part of a dead man in him, but his game is alive!"- Mark Jones

"Alabama rolling over the Volunteers of Texas 22-3." - Wendi Nix

"These goalposts are unlike any others in all of college football because they have two uprights."- Bob Davie

"All of those orange fans up there. I would say to our players, they wear orange so they can cheer for their team. They'll wear the same orange outfit tomorrow to go hunting. And they'll wear the same orange outfit the last five days of the week in order to pick up trash."- Lou Holtz

"Ya know, Hitler was a great leader too."- Lou Holtz

"Greg Orton came over and they slapped each other... on the palms."- Pam Ward

“Great tackle, er, broken tackle by Charles. Gordon finally gets him in the backfield. Gain of 5 for Charles.”- Pam Ward

Has anyone out there been wondering what happened to once All Star third baseman, Morgan Ensberg? Well, he's working for ESPN now of course! Morgan, Robin Ventura, Jim Bowden and THE Pam Ward, will be on ESPN's coverage of the NCAA Super Regionals this weekend, and here is your schedule! (If you see games at the same time, it's because ESPN will be doing a "whip around" during those contests)....

Friday, June 5th

Arkansas vs. Florida State, Game 1 (ESPN, Noon)- Mike Gleason and Mike Rooney
Virginia vs. Mississippi, Game 1 (ESPN2, 2pm)- Dan McLaughlin and Jim Bowden
Rice vs. LSU, Game 1 (ESPN, 7pm)- Clay Matvick and Kyle Peterson
Louisville vs. Cal State Fullerton, Game 1 (ESPN2, 10:30pm)- Justin Kutcher and Robin Ventura

Saturday, June 6th

East Carolina vs. North Carolina, Game 1 (ESPNU, Noon)- Pam Ward and Keith Moreland
Florida State vs. Arkansas, Game 2 (ESPN2, Noon)- Mike Gleason and Mike Rooney
Mississippi vs. Virginia, Game (ESPN2, Noon)- Dan McLaughlin and Jim Bowden
Southern Mississippi vs. Florida, Game 1 (ESPNU, 3pm)- Bob Wischusen and Brian Jordan
LSU vs. Rice, Game 2 (ESPN, 5pm)- Clay Matvick and Kyle Peterso
Cal State Fullerton vs. Louisville, Game 2 (ESPN, 5pm)- Justin Kutcher and Robin Ventura
TCU vs. Texas, Game 1 (ESPNU, 6pm)- Dave Ryan and Eric Young
Clemson vs. Arizona State, Game 1 (ESPNU, 9pm)- Eric Collins vs. Morgan Ensberg

Sunday, June 7th

North Carolina vs. East Carolina, Game 2 (ESPN, Noon)- Pam Ward and Keith Moreland
Arkansas vs. Florida State, Game 3 (ESPNU, Noon)- Mike Gleason and Mike Rooney
Texas vs. TCU, Game 2 (ESPN, 3pm)- Dave Ryan and Eric Young
Virginia vs. Mississippi, Game 3 (ESPNU, 3pm)- Dan McLaughlin and Jim Bowden
Florida vs. Southern Mississippi, Game 2 (ESPN2, 7pm)- Bob Wischusen and Brian Jordan
Rice vs. LSU, Game 3 (ESPNU, 7pm)- Clay Matvick and Kyle Peterson
Arizona State vs. Clemson, Game 2 (ESPN2, 10pm)- Eric Collins vs. Morgan Ensberg
Louisville vs. Cal State Fullerton, Game 3 (ESPNU, 10pm)- Justin Kutcher and Robin Ventura

Monday, June 8th

East Carolina vs. North Carolina, Game 3 (ESPN, 1pm)- Pam Ward and Keith Moreland
Southern Mississippi vs. Florida, Game 3 (ESPN, 1pm)- Bob Wischusen and Brian Jordan
TCU vs. Texas, Game 3 (ESPN2, 7pm)- Dave Ryan and Eric Young
Clemson vs. Arizona State, Game 3 (ESPN2, 7pm)- Eric Collins and Morgan Ensberg

Sky Sports' Fanzone is one of the best ideas as far as broadcasting goes. You get two fans do to commentary for the network, talk trash, and hilarity ensues. Well for the first time the channel allowed women to games and the results were just as amazing. SS Reporters has your first look at the future Pam Wards of America....

While I love the effort from the two ladies, I can't really understand what the heck is going on in the game. I'm surprised that more fans don't get into brawls during these sessions. Good times.

Women’s Fanzone Makes Debut (SS Reporters)

I think this one can just go up without any sort of background or comment. If it takes you more than three seconds, I'm going to be very disappointed in you....



(Many thanks to DR for the screenshot!)

Tony and Matt Millen have had a long relationship, and even as Millen was destroying the Lions, it was still tough for the PTIer to say anything bad about the guy. Kornheiser thinks so highly of Millen that he said yesterday that a booth that adds him as an analyst would be the best in the business. Even better than the MNF team. Via Fanhouse....

"It's fair to ask the question, 'If you're so smart, why didn't you ever win? But Matt Millen is great on TV. Not good, he's great. The booth that he walks into will become the best booth. Even if he walks over my body and sits in my seat, it's going to become the best. He's just great at it, and in six months or less people will forget."- Tony Kornheiser

I personally enjoy Jaws more, but during some of the later games this season, he started to get on my nerves. Tony is right about one thing though, replacing him with Matt Millen would make the MNF booth infinitely better. Hell you could replace him with Pam Ward, and it would be better. Well maybe not Pam....let's say FOX's Chris Rose.

Of course it's the very namesake of the Award! Pamela Ward beat all of the odds, and a ridiculous push by Brent Musburger, to win her own award for 2008!!!! I'll have more awards, quotes and details on the Post Season Pammies tomorrow, but in the meantime let's re-live some of the quotes that lead Pammy onto victory!

"Greg Orton came over and they slapped each other... on the palms."

"That was the last four drives, Minnesota had five straight five-and-outs."

"Northwestern players...looking over to the sidelines...they want to go for it." (On a 3rd and 9)

"They've gotta spike the ball here!" (On a 4th down play)

"No dope slapping in Football."

"We are coming to you from Heinz Stadium in Pittsburgh..."

"We see a bunch of wet stuff coming up from the ground." (Or rain)

“Great tackle, er, broken tackle by Charles. Gordon finally gets him in the backfield. Gain of 5 for Charles.”

Congrats Pam, you earned it! Here is how the final week of the season panned out, and your final standings....

Your Week Fifteen Pammy Winners

10. "Hey, I took off my shoes." - Paul Maguire

9. "You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why." - Brad Nessler
"Virginia Tech's defense is coming to town." - Paul Maguire

8. "2nd down and inches here.....or I should say 2nd down and ten. I have to correct myself there." - Brent Musberger

7. "Tim Tebow's like the snake doctor for Florida. Gotta stop the snake doctor, keep the Gators from moving the ball....this time he snaked Alabama with a play action pass." - Gary Danielson

6."We'll send it for the first time today to Matt Winer." - Brent Musberger
"Or John Saunders, Brent." - John Saunders

5. "Final snap of the opening quarter it looks like, or I should correct myself, I was looking at the wrong clock." - Brent Musburger

4. "Sounds like the OJ sentencing!" - Mike Patrick, after a referee says the timeouts for the home uniforms in USC-UCLA will run concurrently

3. "Look at those rear ends!"- Brent Musburger

2. "Big hole, Brown explodes." - Brent Musberger

1. "Jermaine Cunningham comes in his face."- Mark May


Final Standings: 1. Pam Ward (84), 2. Lou Holtz (73), 3. Gary Danielson (70), 4. Brent Musburger (66), 5. Mike Patrick (54), 6. Brad Nessler (48), 7. Bob Griese (36), 8. Petros Papadakis (33), 9. Andre Ware (24), 9. Paul Maguire (24) 11. Charles Davis (23), 12. Ray Bentley (22), 13. Mark Jones (21), 14. Bob Davie (20), 15. Kirk Herbstreit (18), 16. David Norrie (15), 17. Barry Tompkins (12), 18. Verne Lundquist (11), 19. Sean McDonough (10), 19. Todd Blackledge (10), 19. Mark May (10), 22. Tom Hammond (9), 22. Rob Stone (9), 24. Pat Haden (8), 24. Brock Huard (8), 24. Stacey Dales (8)

Others Receiving Votes: Joe Tessitore (7), Kelly Stouffer (7), Alex Flanagan (7), Steve Physioc (7), Dave Lapham (6), Doug Chapman (6), Jesse Palmer (5), Ed Cunningham (5), Ron Franklin (8*), Craig Bolerjack (4), Chris Spielman (4), Terry Gannon (4), Dave Pasch (11), Dave Archer (3), Ron Thulin (3), Doc Walker (3), Wendi Nix (2), John Saunders (2), Rod Gilmore (1), David Diaz-Infante (1)

This was covered in the PWC on Saturday, but the World of Issac happened to pull the video, so I thought I'd share the clip. Michigan State had a pretty amazing comeback (as amazing as Big Ten Football can get I guess) against Wisconsin on Saturday, and it took a game winning FG after a nice drive to do so.

During said drive, the Spartans were out of timeouts and had a third and ten with :41 on left on the clock. Listen to the brilliance of Pam as she calls for the ever-genius, "spike the ball on fourth down" play!

Again, this is the announcer that the Washington Post referred to as, "always prepared to the max, knows her Xs and Os inside and out and sets up her analyst partners beautifully." Man, did she ever setup Ray Bentley on that one! I think we might have our Pammy winner before I even post the voting this afternoon. Good lord.

Pam Ward Continues Her Idiocy (The World Of Issac)
A Weekend Well Spent Surfing (WaPo)

Thanks to everyone who took the time to vote for the nominees from this past weekend. As expected, Gary Danielson racked up the points just in time to defend his title as we approach the end of the season. In other Pammy news, Ms. Ward herself just got an official endorsement from the Washington Post's Leonard Shapiro! Shapiro goes so far as to say that Pam Ward is, "always prepared to the max, knows her Xs and Os inside and out and sets up her analyst partners beautifully." He's even championing for her to get better and more important assignments!

We should be so lucky. Here are your winners and your new standings....

10. "Kansas, right back in this football game." - Andre Ware, after Kansas ties it up. They were only down 7-0 before that.

9. "Alabama rolling over the Volunteers of Texas 22-3." - Wendi Nix

8. "No more playing it safe! You got to go for it here" - Gary Danielson before a 3rd and 11

7. "Knowshon Moreno, he's like a karate expert or something. He uses your force and pings off it." - Gary Danielson

6. "When you watch Tiger Woods, you're in awe of what he can do with a seven-iron. Watching Matthew Stafford from up here, he's head and shoulders above most college quarterbacks." - Gary Danielson

5. "This is why going for it on 4th Down is a terrible idea when you fail. You turn the ball over." -Doug Chapman

4. "The Badgers with the lead." - Pam Ward, going into commercial, as Illinois is up 7-3.

3. "These balls are coming out in a few seconds!"- Brad Nessler

2. "We're actually double-fisting on Kansas and Texas Tech over here." - Rob Stone

1. "I dont know who's happier, Mr or Mrs Stafford. If that keeps up there might be a little Matthew coming." - Gary Danielson


Standings After Week Seven: 1. Lou Holtz (58), 2. Pam Ward (50), 3. Gary Danielson (42), 4. Mike Patrick (35), 5. Mark Jones (21), 5. Brad Nessler (21), 7. Bob Davie (20), 8. Brent Musburger (18), 8. Charles Davis (18), 10. Petros Papadakis (16), 11. Bob Griese (15), 11. Andre Ware (15), 13. Ray Bentley (14), 13. Kirk Herbstreit (14), 13. Paul Maguire (14), 16. Sean McDonough (10), 16. Todd Blackledge (10), 18. Tom Hammond (9), 18. Rob Stone (9), 20. Pat Haden (8), 20. Brock Huard (8), 20. Verne Lundquist (8) 23. Gary Dainelson (7), 24. Joe Tessitore (7), 24. Alex Flanagan (7)

Others Receiving Votes: David Norrie (6), Doug Chapman (6), Jesse Palmer (5), Ed Cunningham (5), Ron Franklin (4), Craig Bolerjack (4), Terry Gannon (4), Dave Pasch (3), Dave Archer (3), Wendi Nix (2), Rod Gilmore (1), David Diaz-Infante (1)

Your Week Nine Pammy Nominees (Awful Announcing)
The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week Nine (Awful Announcing)

Thanks to everyone who took the time to vote for the nominees from this past weekend. There were over a thousand votes again this go around and I appreciate you taking the time. For once, I don't think I've missed a quote this time and we're looking at some huge movers in the standings. Pam seems to be running away the competition on the strength of a second pair of top ten finishes. She's not saying things over the top, but she's giving us a lot of little guys and those are piling up.

Here are the Top Ten and the results as well as your updated standings at the bottom.....

10. "Tennessee needs to arrest this problem immediately." - Gary Danielson

9. "Every tackle you make could be touchdown saving." - Charles Davis

8. "Arizona comes and just bites you like a crazy cobra, like a crazy snake in the desert." - Petros Papadakis

7. "He can throw those darts, the hard throws. It's the ones that go in the air he has trouble with." - Ray Bentley

6. "Good to see Charlie smile. Well, they did win that game." - Bob Griese
"He might have been on painkillers, too." - Brad Nessler

5. "We are coming to you from Heinz Stadium in Pittsburgh..." - Pam Ward

4. "He catches that pass ten out of ten times."- Jesse Palmer
"Well, 10 out of 11 rather."- Chris Fowler
"What is that, Canadian math?"- Jesse Palmer
"It must be the altitude."- Craig James

3. "That was the biggest understatement since General Custer said, 'They look like friendly Indians.'" - Lou Holtz

2. "A smattering of boos from the Pitt offense.... I mean crowd." - Pam Ward

1. "These goalposts are unlike any others in all of college football because they have two uprights."- Bob Davie


Standings After Week Four: 1. Pam Ward (40), 2. Mark Jones (21), 3. Bob Davie (20), 4. Lou Holtz (15), 5. Brent Musburger (11), 5. Charles Davis (11), 7. Brad Nessler (10), 7. Sean McDonough (10), 7. Kirk Herbstreit (10), 10. Tom Hammond (9), 11. Pat Haden (8), 11. Brock Huard (8), 11. Petros Papadakis (8), 11. Ray Bentley (8), 15. Alex Flanagan (7), 16. David Norrie (6), 17. Mike Patrick (5), 17. Andre Ware (5), 19. Terry Gannon (4), 20. Dave Pasch (3), 20. Paul Maguire (3), 21. Gary Danielson (1)

Your Week Four Pammy Nominees (Awful Announcing)
The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week Four (Awful Announcing)

We're back again for yet another day of Pammy goodness. I'm going to skip the formalities this morning and get right to the quotes (if that's okay with you). As always, keep the quotes coming and be sure to included your website(s) so I can give credit. Also, we need a calm Hanna to keep this thing up for the entire day. The winds are already pretty crazy, and the thing is literally going through my backyard, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Your Week Two Announcing Schedule

“If they can get the center or guard to the linebacker, or the second level, at the point of attack....it’s out to the races.”- Chris Spielman

“They’re lead by their offensive line, offensively.”- Mark May

“He’s tired tonight. He did a Soccer game in Dallas last night. It was exciting, there was actually a goal in that game.”- Sean McDonough

"And the ball hit him in the wrong spot that time.....um.....Yeah."- Roland Williams
"What spot was that?"- Tom Hart
"In the old.....uh.....Hands."- Roland Williams
(Via Eric)

A Gameday feature on Tim Tebow?! WTF!!!?! (Via Kyle)

I can't stand ESPN's love with him. They've run that same trip to the Philippines piece about 40 times.

I hate Ohio State, and I hate Pam Ward. The only reason I haven't thrown my remote into the tv is because I'm waiting for Ray to say something entertaining. Only in America. Yes, it's 7 seconds into the game. (Via Charlie)

Hahaha. Tell us how you really feel.

"There's good looking James Laurenitis"- Ray Bentley (Via Anon)

"6' 6" 230 pounds he's not supposed to be able to move like that."- Andre Ware (Via Nick)

Really? That doesn't seem like a lot. Andre Ware is just not good with numbers.

"I guess you can say he's a "Threet" to run."- Dave Pasch (Via Nick)

Terrible.

"Tony Romo, not available today for Eastern Illinois."- Dave Pasch

And to think....I actually used to like Pasch.

"Mike Enyon made headlines when he won the lottery. $250,000"- Pam Ward
"That's a lot of pizza to buy for him and his buddies at Ohio University"- Ray Bentley
(Via Anon)

"Oh Chris, I've missed you so much."- Pam Ward

"Ohio State's first two possessions were 2-and-outs."- Ray Bentley
"And Scott gets it up..."- Pam Ward

Yes! We're getting "Innuendo" Pam today. Oh and someone tell Craig James to settle down....

"Doing things off the field, whether that's pool parties or swimming days."- Ian Allen

"The thing you like to see from a receiver, he goes up and makes that hands catch."- Ray Bentley

"Now Wisconsin has a decision here - take the ball and the yardage or make Marshall rekick 5 yards back" - Charles Davis

This was said immediately after Marshall scored to make it 14-0 and then kicked the ensuing kickoff out of bounds. I don't have the time nor the inclination to explain the many things wrong with that statement. (Via Anon)

"Yeah, let it wing."- Ray Bentley (Via Bazooka Jones)

"He rode that down like a mule."- Rick Walker (Via JG)

"That ball must be riveted to your ribcage."- Mark May

Ummm....okay?

"No man in history has won five consecutive majors in the same major, two different majors."- Dick Enberg on Roger Federer

"This is where they like to play Football."- Andre Ware on Michigan

Ummm....Miami has the ball at the Michigan 12 yard line. I'm pretty sure that's not true. And right on cue....

"You kick a field goal here and you get yourself within another field goal of tying the game"- Andre Ware

The score is 10-3 right now. (Via Anon)

"Right now they have their hands full of bobcats!"- Pam Ward (Via Jared)

DANGER!

"They are having a hard time getting to the Quarterback because of his elusivity."- Ray Bentley (Via Bazooka)

Wow.....just wow.

"You see him look to the right with his eyes right before the snap..."- Ray Bentley (Via Sam)

As opposed to looking with his feet?

"When it goes wrong, you gotta bring the butter."- Rick Walker (Via JG)

"If you're Solich, I think you have to punt this one....oh, wait, it's third down, never mind." - Ray Bentley
"Yeah, this isn't Canada. If we were in the CFL..." - Pam Ward
(Via S2N)

"He was catching everything last week. I can't believe he's dropping easy passes like that." - Ray Bentley
"You think that's an easy pass?" - Pam Ward
"Well, he got his hands up, that's what his hands are for." - Ray Bentley

(Via S2N)

"A 48-yard return...correction, 69 yards."- Pam Ward (Via Kyle)

Not even close and I'm pretty sure that this isn't AJ Trapasso and actually James Lauranitis....



"I tell you what. If I was a bartender, I'd give you no more to drink."- Lou Holtz to Mark May

"In a summer of Batman and Iron Man, we go to my other partner Cart Man."- Brad Nessler

"You have to play physically. Punch em in the mouth and hope they don't punch back. Not physically, but you need to play physically."- Lou Holtz (Via Bazooka)

"The kickoff goes and we're underway, it'll go out of bounds and Oregon State will have great field position."- Brad Nessler
"It was a dud!"- Bob Griese
"Exactly right, it was like lighting a firecracker on the 4th of July and nothing happens!"- Brad Nessler
(Via Anon)

"Can I rent you for New Years Eve, you know your useless information"- Pat Haden to Tom Hammond (Via Sean)

"That's two for Virginia Tech, they'll have a third and five."- Mike Patrick while calling the ECU-WVU game

"A pickup of 14 moves the change for A&M." - Joe Beninati (Via Steve)

"And they [Washington] have to go for it here, they can't give it back....oh wait, it's third down, sorry." - Petros Papadakis
"Thought you knew something, huh?" - Barry Tompkins
"Yeah, I thought I did. I must have gotten screwed up when he changed the down marker." - Petros Papadakis
(Via S2N)

"It is library quiet at Notre Dame Stadium." - Pat Haden
"I've been to libraries with more noise." - Tom Hammond

"Baker... all the way... Rodney Ferguson... 45 yards, I beg your pardon it was the big back." - Joe Beninati (Via Steve)

"There were more people covering him than live in Calcutta"- Pat Haden (Via Sean)

"Better take that rifle away from the Mountaineer."- Mike Patrick after WVU turned it over on downs (Via Anon)

"Pitt needs to call a timeout here so they can get up a hail mary!"- Doug Graber
"Pitt is out of timeouts Doug."- Jon Saunders
(Via Anon)

"It's like the little engine that could. I think I can I think I can...First Down! Move the sticks for the first time in the history of young Robert Marve's career moves the 'Canes into an opportunity to have another opportunity to a set of downs."- Kirk Herbstreit (Via Noah)

"Superman does it again, but the Joker hung tough for a while."- Brent Musburger (Via Multiple Commenters)

"How do you ask your girl 'hey baby do you want to go to the game' and then take her up to the rock? I mean it's not like you got privacy up there"- Mark Jones
"They are certainly enjoying themselves."- Bob Davie
(Via Sean)

"This is the biggest event here since the Stones. Well sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you get what you need."- Mark Jones
"You've been waiting to get that one in."- Bob Davie
(Via Anon)

It was about a month ago when I got this email from a reader named Patty.

What exactly do you have against Pam Ward?
Do you know her? Have some personal vendetta?
I am just curious.

Now back then I didn't really know what to say. Do I tell her that nothing's really personal, I just think she's bad at what she does and that I don't hate women? Or do I just say that Pam is terrible at her job more often than not and screws up even the basic of Sports concepts? It was a tough call so I did neither. That's why I'm proud to finally answer Patty's question with the following video. I'm pretty sure it doesn't need a setup....

I hope that answers your question Patty and thanks for writing in!!!

Everyone is calling for the NFL Network to make a huge splash. Whether it's a smart choice like hiring Marv Albert, or an idiotic one like hiring Pam Ward, the choices are out there. I'm not even going to touch the Pam Ward thing again, but Marv Albert is an interesting choice. There's just one small problem, when the NFL Network gets their schedule underway in Week 10.....Albert is calling Thursday Night NBA games for TNT. Sure Albert does the Monday Night Football game on radio and he would be great, but there's no way TNT is sharing him on Thursdays.

So who does that leave? Well how about the guy that filled in for Gumbel during the Week 14 matchup between the Broncos and Texans?

Tom Hammond worked that game with Cris Collinsworth and I was shocked at how well they did as a team. They poked fun at each other at times and had fun with a game that had the Texans blowing away the Broncos in the 2nd Half. Most would have found a 31-13 game boring, but Hammond kept me watching somehow. He was so good that night that I wrote this following the live-blog....

As far as the booth goes. I don't know what to say. Tom Hammond is everything that Gumbel isn't. He was clear and concise, spoke with conviction, and didn't make mistakes (or cough up phlegm in the booth). Did someone say Wally Pipp? I hope the NFL Network is reading.

I hope they're reading again as I'm begging them to hire Tom Hammond to work with Collinsworth. Marv Albert would be great, but Hammond would be better.

A few people in Kansas City emailed me a story from TV Critic Aaron Barnhart and it appears he has either decided to come up with a cruelest of all jokes or he has never watched Sports before. See Mr. Barnhart has a way that NFL Network could make history AND get a great new hire as a replacement for Bryant Gumbel. Hire Pam Ward. Seriously......

After that debacle, the NFL should be looking for an upgrade. Problem is, the league presumably can't go cherry-pick talent from its broadcast partners at NBC, CBS and ESPN. But what if it could have a talented non-NFL announcer from one of those networks, make it broadcasts network-quality ... and score a PR coup in the process?

Gentlemen of the jury, I give you ... Pam Ward.

Not just because she used to toil at a station where I now contribute (WBAL), but because Pam Ward is the best play-by-play talent not calling games for either MLB or the NFL. And because if you're going to make history, you'd better make it with somebody who won't embarrass you, will work hard and keep her head down and make her critics seem like very small-minded (and membered) people.

Wow....just wow. Normally I stay away from opinion based pieces like these but this is the dumbest idea I've heard in....well ever. This is dumber than Duel, Who's Now, and Chris Berman at the Masters combined. Since I'm responsible for the Deadspin link that he added above let me explain something to you Mr. Barnhart. It's very simple in fact....

People who don't know the rules of Football shouldn't be calling games (which is clearly evident in that clip and throughout her calls last season).

See it's not that Pam Ward isn't good at calling certain games (WNBA), it's that she's always terrible calling Football games. She gets names wrong, plays wrong, and comes across as never having seen a Football game. Sort of like Mr. Barnhart.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and likes who they like, but Pam Ward can't call College games right and you want her on Pro ones? Okaaaaay. Joe Buck and Joe Morgan always come up on this site as individuals people can't stand, but there's always one or two that comes to their defense. Out of the tens of thousands of comments and emails I've received not one person has ever defended Pam Ward as a College Football announcer. Oh and you can add to that the million plus people who voted her into the Semifinals of the AOL Worst Announcer Tournament.

Also, making an uninformed statements like....

Scanning the blogs brought me no relief, either, as I uncovered only cheerfully sexist sites, like the one that claimed to chronicle the foibles of announcer regardless of gender, so what if all the names in big type were women's?

...Just makes you look uninformed and dumb. This site's editor is so sexist that he said on the radio in Houston last week that Erin Andrews and Stacey Dales should get a chance as analysts in the booth. Not just because they are attractive but because they care about the Sports they cover and are extremely intelligent. Which is more than I could say for some of the current ESPN announcers.

I'm not going to start a "Blogging War" with a random TV reporter, but if you want to tell him why he's wrong in the comments....I'm sure he's reading.

Update: Thanks to App Fan for reminding me of this video as well.....



How the NFL Network could make history (TV Barn)
Do You Understand The Words That Are Coming Out Of My Mouth? (App Fan)

Whoooo! I now know how I'm spending my afternoon!!! It's that time of the year folks! The time that I don't know the WNBA Draft is coming on until a randomly surf by it changing channels!!!! All the Stars are out for this momentous occasion and I'll be live-blogging the whole thing*.

ESPN2 will televise live the first round of the 2008 WNBA Draft presented by adidas Wednesday, April 9, at 1 p.m. Pam Ward will host the one-hour telecast, from Palm Harbor, Fla., with analysts Doris Burke, Carolyn Peck and Nancy Lieberman and reporter Rebecca Lobo.

So if you're near a TV right now and you want to watch teams such as the Lynx, the Monarchs, and the Dream draft players you've probably never heard of....then by all means turn it to ESPN2.

(Via ESPN PR)

*- There's no way in hell I would ever do this and/or subject you to that.

Big day of Bowl Game action today. I'll be out making the Holiday Party rounds today, so I'll miss most of the days action. I plan on TIVOing our friend Pam and the others, but I'd greatly appreciate it if you could throw some gems in the comments. Have a great Saturday folks!






Papajohns.com Bowl
1:00 PM ET, December 22, 2007
Legion Field , Birmingham , AL

Weather: High of 62 Degrees and Cloudy
Spread: Cincy -11, O/U 55
AA's Pick: Cincy -11 (Record 2-0)
Announcers: Pam Ward, Ray Bentley (ESPN2)

Team Leaders

Southen Miss Passing: Young- 53.1%, 1342 Yards, 9 TDs, 5 Ints
Cincy Passing: Mauk- 61.4%, 2787 Yards, 27 TDs, 6 Ints

Southen Miss Rushing: Fletcher- 266 Carries, 1431 Yards, 5.4 avg, 15 TDs
Cincy Rushing: Benton- 99 Carries, 499 Yards, 5.0 avg, 2 TDs

Southen Miss Receiving: Magee- 42 Catches, 617 Yards, 14.7 avg, 3 TDs
Cincy Receiving: Barnett- 60 Catches, 845 Yards, 14.1 avg, 13 TD
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New Mexico Bowl
4:30 PM ET, December 22, 2007
University Stadium, Albuquerque, NM

Weather: 40 Degrees and Partly Cloudy
Spread: New Mexico -3, O/U 57
AA's Pick: A game I'd normally stay away from, but if I have to choose take the home team.....New Mexico -3
Announcers: Dave Barnett, Rod Gilmore (ESPN)

Team Leaders

Nevada Passing: Kaepernick- 55.6%, 2038 Yards, 19 TDs, 3 Ints
New Mexico Passing: Porterie- 58.6%, 2652 Yards, 13 TDs, 8 Ints

Nevada Rushing: Lippincott- 257 Carries, 1380 Yards, 5.4 avg, 15 TDs
New MexicoRushing: Ferguson- 292 Carries, 1177 Yards, 4.0 avg, 13 TDs

Nevada Receiving: Mitchell- 47 Catches, 1033 Yards, 22.0 avg, 8 TDs
New Mexico Receiving: Smith- 86 Catches, 1039 Yards, 12.1 avg, 3 TDs
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Las Vegas Bowl
8:00 PM ET, December 22, 2007
Sam Boyd Stadium , Las Vegas , NV
Weather: 47 Degrees and Sunny
Spread: BYU -7, O/U 46
AA's Pick: BYU, I've vowed to never pick UCLA ever again in any sport
Announcers: Brad Nessler, Bob Griese, Paul Maguire (ESPN)

Team Leaders

UCLA Passing: Olson- 48.3%, 1040 Yards, 7 TDs, 6 INTs
BYU Passing: Hall- 60.1%, 3617 Yards, 24 TDs, 12 TDs

UCLA Rushing: Bell- 142 Carries, 795 Yards, 5.6 avg, 5 TDs
BYU Rushing: Unga- 227 Carries, 1211 Yards, 5.3 avg, 13 TDs

UCLA Receiving: Breazell - 47 Catches, 766 Yards, 16.3 avg, 3 TDs
BYU Receiving: Collie- 50 Catches, 839 Yards, 16.8 avg, 6 TD
_______________________________

"Without hesitancy- hesit... hesita... hesi... hesitancy, he said yes."- Pam Ward (Via Chase)

"Sumrall gave him a chest full of head and something."- Dave Sims (Via Rick James Bible Owner)

"The defender reached around and pulled on Young."- Dave Sims (Via Rick James Bible Owner)

"You know the game find Waldo"- Rod Gilmore (Via Ryan)

"The BYU players, with their Mormon faith -- reminds me of one joke I heard: they bring a Bible with the Ten Commandments and a 10 dollar bill, and they don't break either one." - Paul Maguire (Via S2N

"Tomorrow, the Boise State Broncos play the East Carolina Parrots....Parrots? I meant Pirates."- Brad Nessler (Via Rick James Bible Owner)

Thanks to everyone who paid attention to the games in my absence. I greatly appreciate it.

I was pretty resigned to the fact that we weren't going to get any more Pam Ward action the rest of the year. It was a sad moment for me when the MAC Championship game came to an end and don't even bring up Chris Spielman's appearance on the sidelines for the Big XII game. I got pretty choked up there.

But alas, it appears we have at least one more opportunity to see both Pam and Chris in action! Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you the announcers for the Semifinals of College Football's Championship Subdivision (1AA Playoffs)......

Friday, December 7th- Richmond vs. Appalachian State, ESPN2 8pm
Play by Play: Sean McDonough
Analyst: Chris Spielman

Saturday, December 8th- Delaware vs. Southern Illinois, ESPN 4pm
Play by Play: Pam Ward
Analyst: Ray Bentley

Huzzah ESPN! I don't know if you plan to use them for any Bowl Games, but for one weekend you have made me happy. Christmas has indeed come early. For your next trick I would like you to pair them together for the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsetta Bowl.

It's gotta be tough for an announcer when there are audio problems for just about the entire game. It's also gotta be tough when the studio throws the game back to you and you don't know you're on-air....

"What?!?"

Pam and Ray have been disappearing every so often while calling the MAC Championship game. Stan Verrett and Jesse Palmer have been calling the action from the studio, but it's been slow going. Verrett should never call a game again....audio problems or not. It seemed like he was on a 10 second delay. I guess it's possible that the TV screen he was watching on could have been 30 feet away though.

Welcome back to our weekly installment of The Pam Ward Chronicles. I'm going to be keeping track of the Announcing Quotes throughout the day and I ask that you join in. Please leave any that you come across in the comments or feel free to email me at AwfulAnnouncing@Gmail.com.

There's no Pam today, so we're playing a man down. I'm pretty sure Andre Ware will step it up for the early game and I'll need your help the rest of the day. Enjoy your Saturday, and be sure to check out the other goodness below this post.

Your College Football Announcing Schedule: Week Nine
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Chris Spielman was in rare form last night, and I actually enjoyed the Friday Night game without screaming at him. He even made me LOL at one point.

"Kenny Chesney hooked up with Tim Tebow."- Chris Fowler

Not a good choice of words there. Do you think Peyton is jealous???

Gameday Sign of the Day:


And here's our first video submission of the day. Don't think Todd McShay was quite ready for his spot. Live TV is sooooo tough, and this one didn't go well from the start.....

A whaaaaaaaa????

"My nipples are bleeding."- Tom Arnold talking Iowa Football

""I don't think I've ever seen this much speed on the field by both teams." Paul McGuire (Via Gangsta D)

"Tom Arnold from Ottumwa, Iowa -- his movie career turned about as successful as Robert Gallery's pro career." - Dave Pasch, after a segment proclaiming Arnold the Iowa Hawkeyes' biggest fan. ZING! (Via S2N)

Oh I got video of that coming. Burrrrrrn.

"The Fab Five had their championships vacated."- Dave Pasch What championships? (Via Anon)

Great point.

"I shook his hand and almost broke my fingers."- Paul Maguire
"Johnny almost Dingled you there."- Brad Nessler

Ewww Brad.

"The only player in the Big East to win a Heisman Trophy? Trick question: Gino Torretta for Miami in 1992."- Brad Nessler
"But Miami wasn't in the Big East at the time."- Bob Griese
"Yes they were."- Brad Nessler
(Via Anon)

"He's seeing double right now. Just like Maguire on Thursday night." - Brad Nessler (Via S2N)

"This is just a reminder, but there really isn't a yellow line on the field at the first down marker."- Dave Lamont (Via Dollar Dollar Bill)

"You have the right to ask for a measurement at any time. And any time it's close, I think it's beneficiary to bring that chain out and just take a look at it." - Tim Brandt (Via Barry)

....."and when you throw to him and he runs into the official and BOOM...(pause)...goes the dynamite."- Verne Lundquist (Via Dummy and Chaz)

"You cut yourself shaving, you bleed for a week" - Gary Danielson (Via Smed)

"Can you get it up every week. . . consistently?"- Craig James (Via Kyle)

Paraphrasing somewhat: "That scoring drive for Florida was like the story of the scorpion and the turtle. The scorpion asks the turtle for a ride across the river and promises not to sting him. The turtle accepts because the scorpion says 'If I sting you, we both die because I will drown.' Midway across, the scorpion stings the turtle, who turns asks 'Why?' The scorpion says 'It's what I do.'"- Gary Danielson (Via Kyle)

"He listened to Daddy."- Brent Musburger

"And he handles it at the thirteen."- Gary Thorne
(Camera shows the ball bouncing out of the endzone)
"Or rather in the endzone."- Gary Thorne

"They look like a contender for number one."- Brent Musburger on Ohio State

Umm....they are number one Brett. In every poll.

"That wasn't whistle that was a rim rocker."- Brent Musburger

"I think Ohio State will be one, Boston College will be two, and LSU will be at three."- Kirk Herbstreit

NO REALLY?!?!?!?! That's what they're ranked now Kirk....way to go out on a limb.

"And South Carolina is going to take this to overtime. I'm going to have to think about what is happening in Britney Spears' live before we come back." - Mike Patrick
"I wonder if she's watching tonight." - Todd Blackledge
"I think she just bought a new double wide." - Mike Patrick

WINNAH! (Via Unreliable)

"They're not going to get a lot of pressure on a continuous basis unless they're bringing pressure." -- James Hasty (Via J-Red)

Corso: "I've got Boston College in at #5 because I had to get someone from the Big East in my Top 5."
Fowler: "You know they're in the ACC?"
Corso: "Someone from the East Coast. They should be in the Big East."
(Via Anon)

Pammy gets her first win! Everyone alert the presses!!! Let me know if you disagree with the points in the comments, and we'll see if we need to move any around.

10. "When sholder goes down the umph goes South."- Verne Lundquist

9. "South Florida will be replaced in the 2-hole." Brent Musberger (Via Gangsta D)

8. "They gave up 31 points to Troy and Brad Pitt wasn't the coach of that team."- Lee Corso

7. "Good timeout by Penn State...you may catch them in a ball handling situation."- Andre Ware

6. "The guys say he is so precious with the young boys."- Holly Rowe (Via Gangsta D)

5. "Think about playing quarterback here at USC: Carson Palmer wins a Heisman, Matt Leinart wins a Heisman, John David Booty has played very well, and now Mark Sanchez. It's like going out as a runway model after Heidi Klum." - Pat Haden (Via S2N)

4. "That one looked like you were ordering an omelet at breakfast it was so open."- Gary Danielson

3. "If he bobbles the ball at all, and it falls incomplete, it's over. You leave a timeout in your bag, the season — done." — Mike Patrick, in the final seconds of LSU's victory

2. Bob Griese made reference to Brad Nessler's pink tie. Nessler says "Thank you, it's for breast awareness month." (Via Corey)

And number one......

1. “You finally shaved it off do you feel naked right now?”- Pam Ward
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Here are the standings after eight weeks........

1. Gary Danielson, Brad Nessler (37)
3. Mike Patrick (33)
4. Pam Ward (29)
5. Chris Spielman (23)
6. Pat Haden, Lee Corso, Paul Maguire (19)
9. Andre Ware, Bob Griese, Ray Bentley (16)

Others Receiving Votes: Dave Pasch (15), Tim Brandt (11), Dave Lapham (10), Brent Musburger (9), Gerry Dinardo (9), Lou Holtz (9), Tom Hart (8), Bill Curry (8), Ed Cunningham (8), Mark Jones (7), Mellissa Knowles (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Sean McDonough (7), John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Holly Rowe (5), Charles Arbuckle (5), Dave Lamont (5), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Doug Flutie (3.5), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Erin Andrews (3), Craig James (2.5), Verne Lundquist (1), Todd Blackledge (2), Jim Kelly (1)

UPDATE: Holy crap. I completely forgot Brad Nessler's "Breast Awareness" Comment! Mike Patrick falls to three because after viewing the tape there's definitely 4 seconds left on the clock. Those of you who see one second need more evidence to convince me.