The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week Four

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Week four is here and we're ready to go with the PWCs. S2N is going to be your host and "Quote Master" for the day, so keep the comments coming early and often.

Your College Football Announcing Schedule: Week Three

“You have pads. It’s Football, it’s not playing patsies!”- Lou Holtz

“They were both strong and hard and played beneath their pads.”- Craig James

"He catches that pass10 out of ten times."- Jesse Palmer
"Well, 10 out of 11 rather."- Chris Fowler


"He needs a little more seasoning; a little more salt and pepper." - Ray Bentley on an Iowa player.

"Pitt in the all blue." - Pam Ward
"Iowa's looking like the Pittsburgh Steelers." - Ray Bentley
"And Pitt like the Seahawks." - Pam Ward

"You cannot have a quarterback on a yo-yo." - Andre Ware

"He tried to slam it in there but he was a little bit behind." - Ray Bentley (via Fairplay)

Ray is on a roll this morning, guys.

"We are coming to you from Heinz Stadium in Pittsburgh..." - Pam Ward

It's Heinz Field, Pam.

"They need to saddle up that horse and ride him." - Ray Bentley, on Iowa RB Shonn Greene

"You can't bounce it, cause of the penetration...too much penetration." - Rick Walker (via Gangsta D)

I expect that sort of thing to come from the Daves, not you, Rick Walker.

(after a 33 yard run on 2nd and 19)
"The D was in pass mode there. The LBs dropped in to coverage at the snap and ignored their run keys." - Ray Bentley
(Replay shows both LBs come forward at the snap and are blocked).
"...." - Bentley (via Shake'n'Bake)

"Every tackle you make could be touchdown saving." - Charles Davis (via Art McGregor)

"A smattering of boos from the Pitt offense.... I mean crowd." - Pam Ward (via Ryan)

"You're telling your kids you've come to win." - Andre Ware (via SSReporters)

"That was the biggest understatement since General Custer said, 'They look like friendly Indians.'" - Lou Holtz (via Gangsta D)

"He can throw those darts, the hard throws. It's the ones that go in the air he has trouble with." - Ray Bentley on Iowa's Jake Christensen (via Smitty Lite)

"Ground Control to Major Tom...O'Brien." - Dave Pasch on O'Brien's military experience.

"That whistle's a time out...actually, it's the end of the quarter." - Andre Ware

"I like that music they play on there." - Ian Allen
"Well if there's one thing I expect you to know about, it's music." - Matt Devlin (via Anon)

"He is more of a runner than a thrower."- Shaun King, calling Akron-Army

Considering Army uses the traditional run-based option that is the probably the type of QB you want, Capt Obvious. - JG

And Mr. Bentley is a bit two-faced on 4th downs. Via Smitty Lite:

"I like that, you should go for it anytime you are in your opponent's territory." (Pitt at the Iowa 40)
"I don't like that, if you are inside your opponent's 40 you can do that, but I don't like it here." (Iowa on 4th at the Pitt 49)
"I don't like that, you have points on the board with the FG." (Iowa at the Pitt 20)

"I gotta tell ya, even with all that hair on it, that pig's ear was good eatin'." - Ray Bentley
"I expected a more manly bite from you, Ray." - Pam Ward

"Rankings dont mean anything. People rank teams with their eyes closed." - Rick Walker, on GT scoring 31 on Miss State when Top 10 Auburn scored only 3 last week. (via JG)

"He catches that pass ten out of ten times."- Jesse Palmer
"Well, 10 out of 11 rather."- Chris Fowler
Uproar of laughter.
"What is that, Canadian math?"- Jesse Palmer
"It must be the altitude."- Craig James (via Tyler)

"Is this going to be a case of winning one for the Gimper?" - Tim Brando on ND-Michigan State.

"They chased the defensive linebackers." - Gary Danielson (via SSReporters)

"You're right; it was Janoris Jackson; I'm so used to seeing #28 (Major Wright) make those hits." - Gary Danielson
"That was Janoris Jenkins, not Jackson." - Verne Lundquist

Also, according to Florida's roster, Major Wright is #21.

"You talk to people about this Mia...er, Florida defense; kind of reminds you of the old Miami defense." - Gary Danielson

Arizona comes and just bites you like a crazy cobra, like a crazy snake in the desert. - Petros Papadakis (via mreleganza)

"We were all worried that nothing good was going to happen for Florida." - Gary Danielson (via Anon)

"Tennessee needs to arrest this problem immediately." - Gary Danielson, after a fumble deep in Florida territory. That'll be a change for the Vol progrma; things getting arrested instead of players.

"And Harvin gets keelhauled at the 30." - Verne Lundquist, deciding Talk Like a Pirate Day didn't last long enough.

"Both teams are making mistakes. Florida's making these itsy-bitsy little ones, and Tennessee is making huge, gigantic mistakes." - Gary Danielson

"Good to see Charlie smile. Well, they did win that game." - Bob Griese
"He might have been on painkillers, too." - Brad Nessler, responding to a clip of a giddy Charlie Weis at last week's postgame presser. (Via Tas)

"Michigan's only riverboat. They fit about 500 people on there and have a few wedding parties... they even had a divorce party once. I think I know who paid for the divorce, and it wasn't the missus." -- Brad Nessler (via Tas)

MSU is deep in the ND red zone and is rushing Javon Ringer.

"They lost half a yard." - Paul Maguire
"They can see the end zone better; they've backed up a bit." - Brad Nessler
"Um, OK..." - Maguire

"Running backs and quarterbacks, get whatever six pack you can get a hold of, and sit in the ice tub, cause that's gonna be sore." - Maguire, after Brian Long whacks Jimmy Clausen during a pass play.

"On every play you have determinators and terminators." - Glen Parker on Utah / Air Force (via JG)

"3rd and 17." - Gary Danielson
"How do you like your odds?" - Verne Lundquist
"Not good, unless Peyton decides to drop in under center." - Danielson

That's just mean, Gary. Don't mock the already suffering Tennessee fans like that.

"They pat him on the head. Unfortunately, he's short. They can't pat him anywhere else." - Paul Maguire, on Javon Ringer (via Tas)

"The song remains the same for Butch Davis: good young talent up front." - David Norrie
"Love when you work Zeppelin into a broadcast." - Terry Gannon

"You make me snort!" - Lundquist to Danielson (via Fairplay)

"These goalposts are unlike any others in all of college football because they have two uprights."- Bob Davie (Via Bazooka)

90 Comments:

Giddy up! I'm actually home instead of the bar, and the Iowa game is on the deuce with Pam and Ray. Can't wait!

Getting ready to go to ASU-Georgia later tonight as well!

Smitty Lite said...
Sep 20, 2008, 11:38:00 AM  

From Game Day...

Herbstreit: "Clausen has thrown two picks in his first two games, 4 interceptions on the year."

Notre Dame has only played 2 games..

King Diamond said...
Sep 20, 2008, 11:46:00 AM  

"He tried to slam it in there but he was a little bit behind"

Ray Bentley

Fairplay said...
Sep 20, 2008, 12:12:00 PM  

Oh some dude from ECU just got GERMAN'd.

Anonymous said...
Sep 20, 2008, 12:26:00 PM  

"They put Cross in for his package..."

--Ray Bentley

Daniel said...
Sep 20, 2008, 12:37:00 PM  

Pam Ward, may I suggest where you can take that Seahawks comment?


And in case anyone cares (like maybe you S2N), Bolton are 1-0 up over Arsenal in the soccer match with 20 minutes gone.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 12:51:00 PM  

(switches to Fox Soccer)

Stupid fucking Bolton.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 20, 2008, 12:56:00 PM  

That just got equalized thanks to Eboue.

Back to the gridiron.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 20, 2008, 12:57:00 PM  

Eboue was offside, that was BS.


Fitting though, Adebayor and Song hit the post twice in 30 seconds.


I'd love to hear an American say Danny Shittu's name.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 12:58:00 PM  

Oh you're kidding me, Bendtner scores now, 2-1 Arsenal and we've played just 27 minutes.


Stupid Bolton.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 12:59:00 PM  

"You can't bounce it, cause of the penetration...too much penetration." -Rick Walker

Gangsta D said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:01:00 PM  

I think they need to settle down and sick to their plan does the Iowa Hawkeye offense - Ray Bentley

Alex said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:01:00 PM  

"They need to saddle up that horse right there and ride him," -- Ray Bentley talking about Iowa RB Shonn Greene.

Alex said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:03:00 PM  

Bentley may just runaway with this now.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:03:00 PM  

Anyone watching the ECU NCState game? After a fumble on a pick, a Wolfpack fan just was standing there with two middle fingers out, and for some reason ESPN kept the camera on him.

Sebastian said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:10:00 PM  

Sebastian - saw that. You stay classy, Raleigh.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:13:00 PM  

Ray Bentley is terrible. 3 times already he's been totally wrong on what happened during the play, then refused to admit it on the replay.

(after a 33 yard run on 2nd and 19)
Bentley-"The D was in pass mode there. The LBs dropped in to coverage at the snap and ignored their run keys."
(Replay shows both LBs come forward at the snap and are blocked).
Bentley-"..."

Shake'n'bake said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:16:00 PM  

"Every tackle you make could be touchdown saving." - Charles Davis, BTN

Art McGregor said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:17:00 PM  

@ Shake n'bake


I think he's great......because he'll fill up an entire quote page just with this game.


I think S2N needs a "The Greatness that is Ray Bentley" tag now.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:17:00 PM  

Now Charles Davis, that's terrible.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:18:00 PM  

"A smattering of boos from the Pitt offense.... I mean crowd" Pam Ward

Ryan said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:21:00 PM  

"You're telling your kids you've come to win." - Andre Ware


Captain Obvious.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:25:00 PM  

"Gotta get out of bounds." - Dave Pasch

They had 3 timeouts Dave.....

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:25:00 PM  

"That was the biggest understatement since General Custer said "They look like friendly Indians." Lou Holtz

"I do not think it means what you think it means." Inigo Montoya

Gangsta D said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:49:00 PM  

Not American football, but....


"Bendter looks to measure one." - Ian Darke in the Arsenal/Bolton match.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:52:00 PM  

Ray Bentley, talking aboutIowa QB Christensen: "He can throw those darts, the hard throws. It's the ones that go in the air he has trouble with"

That would seem like a problem to me...

Smitty Lite said...
Sep 20, 2008, 1:54:00 PM  

Can we change the spelling of Shawn Greene's name on the main page. It's Shonn not Shawn, Pam just keeps prouncing it wrong.

Alex said...
Sep 20, 2008, 2:10:00 PM  

(Pitt goes for it on 4th and 2 on the Iowa 40)

"I like that, you should go for it anytime you are in your opponent's territory"-Ray Bentley

(Iowa lines up to goes for it on 4th and one on the Pitt 49)

"I don't like that, if you are inside your opponent's 40 you can do that, but I don't like it here"-Ray Bentley

(Iowa goes for it on fourth and 2 on the Pitt 20)
"I don't like that, you have points on the board with the FG"-Ray Bentley

Shake'n'bake said...
Sep 20, 2008, 2:16:00 PM  

(BTN promo comes up between plays)

"I like that music they play on there." -Ian Allen
"Well if there's one thing I expect you to know about, it's music." -Matt Devlin

Devlin has also been butchering names left and right (i.e. Hoskins somehow becomes "Hawkins").

Anonymous said...
Sep 20, 2008, 2:19:00 PM  

Arsenal are just putting on a clinic now that Walcott has come in, Denilson scores and Walcott nearly scored, it's 3-1 and it's just about game over.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 2:21:00 PM  

From the Akron-Army game:

"He is more of a runner than a thrower."- Shaun King

Considering Army uses the traditional run-based option that is the probably the type of QB you want, Capt Obvious.

jg said...
Sep 20, 2008, 2:22:00 PM  

(Purdue's Curtis Painter falls down in the backfield)

"That kind of thing is unexpectable...unacceptable at this point in the game. I know sometimes your foots get tangled up like that, but still..." -Ian Allen, BTN

CMU alum said...
Sep 20, 2008, 2:30:00 PM  

"Rankings dont mean anything. People rank teams with their eyes closed." - Rick Walker after a discussion with the PbP guy on how GA Tech scored 31 pts on Miss ST, while Auburn (ranked in the top 10)
scored only three.

I agree with that, and would certainly explain a lot.

jg said...
Sep 20, 2008, 2:34:00 PM  

Jake Christensen is making me eat my words --Ray Bentley

Alex said...
Sep 20, 2008, 2:35:00 PM  

"I expected a more manly bite from you." - Pam Ward on Ray eating some sort of food

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 2:43:00 PM  

The receiver just dropped a catchable pass.
"He catches that pass ten out of ten times."- Jesse Palmer
"Well, 10 out of 11 rather."- Chris Fowler
Uproar of laughter.
"What is that, Canadian math?"- Jesse Palmer
"It must be the altitude."- Craig James

Tyler said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:03:00 PM  

Have to say, it's a quiet day for Pam Ward Chronicles......is it because S2N is here?

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:07:00 PM  

SS - I blame games no one cares about. ECU-NC State is a nail-biter, but who really gives a shit about either of those teams?

This should get better when ND-MSU starts, especially because Nessler, Griese, and Maguire are on that game.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:08:00 PM  

True, but who cares about Iowa/Pitt? It's a gold mine from Ward and Bentley.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:10:00 PM  

"A long history between CMU and Purdue...a history of 370 days." -Matt Devlin, BTN

CMU alum said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:10:00 PM  

I'm hungry for jizz.

Anonymous said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:11:00 PM  

SS - yeah, but that was really the only reason to watch the game. Takes some of the fun out of it.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:12:00 PM  

I guess so, and Andre Ware has been unusually not crazy.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:15:00 PM  

Too much info anon.



Well East Carolina has no chance at the BCS now.....Pinkney does too much.

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:21:00 PM  

I CAN SUCK MY OWN DICK AND IT CUMS WITHIN 5 SECONDS YUMMY CUM!

horny bastard said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:29:00 PM  

"They chased the defensive linebackers." - Gary Danielson

ssreporters said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:35:00 PM  

Ringer gets a first down and takes a couple Notre Dame players with him - Brad Nessler

InterPlace55 said...
Sep 20, 2008, 3:57:00 PM  

Arizona comes and just bites you like a crazy cobra, like a crazy snake in the desert.

MrEleganza said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:09:00 PM  

-That was Petros Papadakis

mreleganza said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:10:00 PM  

Danielson in the MSU-Notre Dame game, talking about an MSU receiver: They say he's in the mold of Jerry Rice and Randy Moss"

I don't think those two receivers are from the same mold...

Smitty Lite said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:16:00 PM  

Sorry, Nessler, not Danielson...

Smitty Lite said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:17:00 PM  

"We were all worried that nothing good was going to happen for Florida" - Gary Danielson.

Anonymous said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:17:00 PM  

"Good to see Charlie smile. Well, they did win that game." - Bob Griese
"He might have been on painkillers, too." - Brad Nessler
(Responding to a clip of a giddy Charlie Weis at last week's postgame presser.)

TAS said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:26:00 PM  

"Michigan's only riverboat. They fit about 500 people on there and have a few wedding parties... they even had a divorce party once. I think I know who paid for the divorce, and it wasn't the missus." -- Brad Nessler

TAS said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:34:00 PM  

I don't know who it is, but GOLF BONUS:
"Yeah, his scorecard looks like the X-Man."

I had to work the Terps FH game today, and the student radio guy was doing his first game...
I couldn't even take notes on all the innuendos hidden in his speach.

There was a barrage of: "She tries to pull it out."
"Boston College can't get it up."
"She can't get it in."

Bazooka Jones said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:48:00 PM  

MSU-Notre Dame game. MSU was at the half-yard line. McGuire: They lost half a yard! Nessler: Well, now they can see the end zone better...

Smitty Lite said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:49:00 PM  

"You know before the game, Josh Briscoe was the one guy who was just giving it to his teamates."

Gary Danielson

Fairplay said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:55:00 PM  

McGuire: "These players just react. They read, and go. Read and go."

That's giving them a lot of credit isn't it? Major college football players being able to read?

Smitty Lite said...
Sep 20, 2008, 4:59:00 PM  

I think CBS needs to get the Verne is old jokes ready for the second half blowout that Florida - Tennessee will become.

jg said...
Sep 20, 2008, 5:07:00 PM  

"on every play you have determinators and terminators" - Glen Parker on Utah / Air Force

jg said...
Sep 20, 2008, 5:28:00 PM  

"They pat him on the head. Unfortunately, he's short. They can't pat him anywhere else." - Paul Maguire, on Javon Ringer

TAS said...
Sep 20, 2008, 5:35:00 PM  

"you make me snort!"

Verne Lundquist to Gary Danielson

Fairplay said...
Sep 20, 2008, 5:46:00 PM  

he really did say that S2N, i almost lost it. verne was literally snorting like a pig.

Fairplay said...
Sep 20, 2008, 5:49:00 PM  

Fairplay - got context for that?

I'm watching VT-UNC because it's less boring.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 20, 2008, 5:49:00 PM  

I wish I could watch that one too, S2N, but we have Texas A&M/Miami regionally. I flipped over to CBS and Lundquist was laughing like crazy so I didn't hear what started it but it was really funny nonetheless.

fairplay said...
Sep 20, 2008, 6:02:00 PM  

http://myespn.go.com/s/conversations/show/story/3598504

Anonymous said...
Sep 20, 2008, 6:17:00 PM  

"he came in like a blue streak" - Joe B on Utah / AF.

After an Air Force player sacked the Utah QB, Air Force is wearing their blue jerseys

jg said...
Sep 20, 2008, 6:20:00 PM  

"That'll ice it right there" - Brad Nessler channeling his inner Billy Packer. MSU may have just gotten a big run up by 9, but there's still 4:40 left.

jfein said...
Sep 20, 2008, 6:39:00 PM  

"So here we stand"

-John Saunders (returning to studio after ND-MSU game, where he/James/Palmer are all sitting)

Daniel said...
Sep 20, 2008, 6:56:00 PM  

"You make me snort!" - Lundquist to Danielson

That actually made me snort when he said it!

Moseydog said...
Sep 20, 2008, 7:21:00 PM  

Mark Jones - FSU vs. Wake Forest - 1st drive

"Skinner hands off to RB Adams and he is sacked by Brown"

RB's are now sacked after handoffs???

Pic said...
Sep 20, 2008, 7:25:00 PM  

I don't have the exact quote, but Petros Papadakis told a story about a time he was attacked by an owl during the Arizona/UCLA game. If someone Tivoed that game please find a quote. It was hilarious.

Dennis said...
Sep 20, 2008, 7:35:00 PM  

Petros is so freakin' awesome. His radio show with Matt Smith is hands down the best sports radio program I've heard.

I love Barry Tompkins and Petros as a football tandem. Worlds better than the majority of ESPN teams.

Kyle said...
Sep 20, 2008, 8:12:00 PM  

Mike Patrick: "FBS, what's that? Isn't that one of those banks that failed?"

Ted said...
Sep 20, 2008, 8:55:00 PM  

Todd Ellis (radio for South Carolina-Wofford game)- "Inside, (Eric) Baker, 20, 25, and down to the 10 yard line."

Joe said...
Sep 20, 2008, 8:56:00 PM  

Not a good night to be the defending national champion App Sate is losing 35-24 to James Madison after being ahead 21-0, 2:23 left in 4th. and LSU losing too.

jg said...
Sep 20, 2008, 9:47:00 PM  

moseydog: i said that quote an hour previous but S2N didn't think it was good enough to make the webpage. I love watching these games for quotes but without AA it seems like we are just wasting our time. "You make me snort" sounds very funny but I guess its not funny enough for S2N, I think AA would think it was however. Comeback soon, AA.

fairplay said...
Sep 20, 2008, 9:53:00 PM  

Moseydog: i just saw that it is on the website so some of what I just said is erroneous. But he didn't credit either one of us however. We are having a great time over here watching Georgia kill ASU while drinking lots of rum and coke. The LSU comeback is on as well.

fairplay said...
Sep 20, 2008, 10:03:00 PM  

3 pt game in the 4th and ESPN insists on running the Taste of the Town segment

jg said...
Sep 20, 2008, 10:34:00 PM  

Bob Davie is just bad tonight.
"These goalposts are unlike any others in all of college football because they have two uprights."
"Wake Forest was my sleeper pick to win the ACC before the season started... NOBODY picked them in the preseason to win the ACC."

Nobody? They were one of just 3 ACC schools ranked in the preseason, and they won the conference last year with the same QB... It's kinda hard to believe
No one picked em.
And then Mark Jones with "That was billboard material for FSU."

Bazooka Jones said...
Sep 20, 2008, 10:34:00 PM  

Hmm, sounds like (the degenerate gambler) Musberger has ASU +7...

Anonymous said...
Sep 20, 2008, 10:45:00 PM  

Hooray for JMU over Appy State!

I was listening to it online via the ASU radio network. I have to hand it to their announcer. The booth is right under the JMU student section, and after a "Bullsh-t" chant, he commented that the JMU students were "showing their class" ...pause... "not that our ASU students are any different."

Anonymous said...
Sep 20, 2008, 10:55:00 PM  

"He's gonna be first in line for the hot tub" - Mr. Britney Spears (Mike Patrick) on Jared Lee.

jfein said...
Sep 20, 2008, 10:56:00 PM  

"Alabama explodes on Arkansas."
-Musberger

Bazooka Jones said...
Sep 20, 2008, 11:20:00 PM  

I just watched "The Last Boy Scout", and forgot that Verne was in it. Thank goodness he has a regular gig...

nobody's_fool said...
Sep 21, 2008, 12:59:00 AM  

Barely-remembered highlights from LSU-AUB:

-At halftime, they showed Knowshon Moreno making a leap into the end zone in the ASU game and made offhand references to the controversy from the Central Michigan game. Try and find a clip of that.
-Who took the second timeout of the second half? Danielson kept saying it was Auburn because the play clock was running down, but the on-screen graphic gave it to LSU.
-I forget what the third thing was, but I think it was a booth thing as well.

Morgan Wick said...
Sep 21, 2008, 1:05:00 AM  

At one point, Patrick said something like "If that was a read, then Hatch is dyslexic."

Anonymous said...
Sep 21, 2008, 1:09:00 AM  

Hey Fairplay, don't be so huffy. I'll fix the lack of citation.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 21, 2008, 5:05:00 AM  

the concussion jokes were a bit much: " Hatch was just asked how many fingers were being held up and said 'Thursday'."

BF said...
Sep 21, 2008, 9:36:00 AM  

Sorry S2N, I lost quite a bit of money gambling Saturday but LSU helped make some of it up. sorry for being as Al Gore calls it "Snippy"

Fairplay said...
Sep 21, 2008, 12:04:00 PM  

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