The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week Five

Saturday, September 27, 2008


I don't have a cute intro for today's PWC so let's just get right into it. If you have a quote be sure to add it to the comments and let's have some fun today!

College Football Announcing Schedule: Week Five

"He's giving the traveling call"- Jesse Palmer on a false start penalty

Umm...they're the same, Jesse.

"There's Mike Riley hugging his wife - I hope."- Erin Andrews

"If you enjoy Doctor Lou, I hope you will show your support by driving during the day with your lights on. And if you're unhappy with Doctor Lou, please show your displeasure by driving with your lights off at night. Have a great week."- Lou Holtz

“You know if you bring up Hockey, you’re going to lose half the audience.”- Brock Huard

"That dog is ugly."- Lee Corso to UGA

Now that's not nice.

"He will just bounce off his legs."- Ray Bentley

"He leads the countries in rushing."- Pam Ward

Both the U.S. and Canada.

"He's out of the state of Tennessee. Melrose High School there.....He went there for High School."- Andre Ware

Really?

"That was a decleater!" - Andre Ware
"Not only a decleater, but a deheader." - Dave Pasch
(Via S2N)

Her [Pam Ward] quote in the 1st qtr vs Indiana about "Michiganaders". That is not what they care called...it is a derogatory term used by Abe Lincoln running for president against Mich Gov. Lewis Cass, an abolitionist/expansionist. Lincoln called Casses sqwakings that of a silly goose...this Michigander was born. (Via MP)

You learn something new everyday.

"He loves the game. He eats weights. Digests metal."- Doc Walker

"He's a flashy player, but he had a gut-bucket on that play!"- Dave Lamont (Via Smitty)

"They use a 2-5-5 alignment"- Steve Martin describing MD's defense (Via JG)

I'm not quite sure why Andre Ware and Dave Pasch did a tribute to Paul Newman, but at least it was a good one.

"Our condolences to he and his... to his family."- Andre Ware (Via Farva)

Whoops. I spoke too soon.

"Yeah you've gotta expect Ringer to get it here"- Ray Bentley with Michigan State at the 1 yard line going in to score and an empty backfield (Via RockChalkJayhawk)

Hilarious.

"They call it a naked bootleg, becuase you are out there alone, and they are undressing you, and you are left all exposed." - Dave Archer (Via Utkman)

Whoa. TMI.

"You gotta love the offensive game plan so far here by California" - Charles Davis calling the Minnesota/Ohio State game

"We have to get more consistent, we're doing some good things then we have some blows."- Jim Tressel to Charissa Thompson

Again....TMI.

"If they go for it here and don't get it, they're in trouble because they can't spike it."- Shaun King on a 2nd Down play

"With less than two minutes to play here in the first half, I kinda expect the Spartans to just sit on this thing." - Ray Bentley

Snap....82 Yard TD pass. (Via Gibbon Jockey)

"You don't go for two until the fourth quarter to go ahead."- Ray Bentley

Ummm....okay?

"You gotta go for it here if you're Butch Davis and you came to win"- Andre Ware
"It's only third down"- Dave Pasch
(Via Jordan)

"Thigpen has the one carry for 78 yards and six for 21 yards."- Ray Bentley with a graphic showing Indiana RB Marcus Thigpen with 7 carries and 109 yards (Via Anon)

"I always hope for cramps" - Doc Walker after an injury report (Via JG)

"Florida needs to score twice or go for two."- Dave Archer when UF is only down by 7 (Via JG)

"I can't even float in salt water."- Paul Maguire
"You would think you'd be able to with all of that hot air."- Brad Nessler

"The surprise was FL State scored an offensive TD." - Matt Winer updating Colorado / FSU during Arkansas / TX (Via JG)

"You could argue that Pittsburgh certainly doesn't want this loss."- Wendi Nix (Via Conq)

Ms. Obvious. And of course Michael Phelps is at the Michigan game and ESPN just HAS to get an interview. Nice glasses douchebag....


"Mississippi must have had some juice left from that debate last night, beating Florida." - Tom Hammond

That makes zero sense.

"There is no one quite as popular in any form of football as the backup QB."- Verne Lundquist

"Don't let Brandon King hold grandma's china." - Pat Haden after King dropped an INT (Via Anon)

"If they don't rush for 300, they ain't going to win."- Lou Holtz on Alabama

Michigan's offense has 20 plays for 20 yards. They STINK!!- Craig James (Via Anon)

Harsh but so so true.

"His parents are still trying to make up for it. They sent Coach Weis some candy this week"- Tom Hammond on the ND player who accidentally took weis' leg out (Via Stew)

"With all the fans in purple out there, it looks like a Queen concert. Or, it looks like a Prince concert, rather."- The Color Guy

"That's going to bring up third and a credit card."- Joe Tessitore (Via Anon)

Lame.

"I don't even know if you're allowed to say this. But just like you can't be a little bit pregnant, you also can't be a little bit spread."- Gary Danielson referring to Auburn's inability to conduct an efficient spread offense early in the 4th quarter against Tennessee (Via Brad)

We have a winner!

"Balls flying through the air here at Notre Dame Stadium." - Tom Hammond (via Stew)

"Tennessee's defense has stopped Auburn's offense and Auburn's offense has stopped Auburn's offense." - Gary Danielson

Jonathan Crompton throws a ball 10 yards out of bounds on 3rd and 4:

"Maybe he was trying to get the cheerleaders attention." - Verne Lundquist
"Not on the road." - Gary Danielson

"After you win 3-2, this is like a blowout, put your subs in." - Gary Danielson, in reference to the epic match between Auburn United and FC Croom State two weeks ago (via JG)

"C.J. Bacher to Eric Peterman; Eric Peterman and his Urban Sombrero!" - Rece Davis, over highlights of Northwestern beating Iowa.

Seinfeld references always get a +1.

"In college football brad, you know, when you make a first down, first downs that you have possession of aren't really that important because if you make a first down it stops the clock" - Bob Griese (Via Anon)

"This is like one of those Ronco commercials at 2 am. They're slicing, dicing, and chopping their way all through Georgia!"- Mike Patrick (Via Anon)

"This is an old-fashioned, country butt-kicking... and Georgia is supplying the butt." - Mike Patrick (Via Jay)

"It was a missed PTA." - Brent Musburger referring to the end of the Ole Miss/Florida game (Via ifiok)

"Four of the last three years." - Kirk Herbstreit, in reference to USC losing to unranked opponents (Via JCZ)

"The college football world is flat. Anybody can beat you."- Spencer Tillman (Via Anon)

"Tennessee has beaten Tennessee three times this year."- Gary Danielson

88 Comments:

I think it's a croc that ESPN can put games on ESPN Classic when they don't have that channel in HD. That is all...

Smitty Lite said...
Sep 27, 2008, 11:50:00 AM  

Fair enough, Smitty.

Sep 27, 2008, 11:51:00 AM  

I just flipped it over to the Indiana game briefly - is Indiana running the A-11 offense? They had 7 receivers on that play!

Smitty Lite said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:12:00 PM  

I saw that too Smitty. That was wild.

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:13:00 PM  

"That was a decleater!" - Andre Ware
"Not only a decleater, but a deheader." - Dave Pasch

(this was after a player for the U blocked a Tar Heel so hard on a punt return that his helmet came off)

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:22:00 PM  

Announcer in iowa game, talking about Iowa receiver Darrell Johnson-Koulianos blocking: "He's a flashy player, but he had a gut-bucket on that play!"

I have no idea what that means...

Smitty Lite said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:43:00 PM  

They use a 2-5-5 alignment - Steve Martin describing MD's defense

Apparently, MD has joined the CFL

You could consider this a tie. - Doc Walker on MD's defense, after Clemson drove the length of the field on the opening drive and kicked a FG

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:45:00 PM  

"This would be a bad loss for Pittsburgh. 3-14 Syracuse leads." - Wendi Nix during a game break on the Miami-UNC game (ESPN2).

Shameful.

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:46:00 PM  

(With Michigan State at the 1 yard line going in to score and an empty backfield) "Yeah you've gotta expect Ringer to get it here" -Ray Bentley

RockchalkJayhawk said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:50:00 PM  

Andre Ware on the death of Paul Newman: "Our condolences to he and his... to his family." classic. you stay classy (and smart) Andre.

Farva said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:54:00 PM  

"They call it a naked bootleg, becuase you are out there alone, and they are undressing you, and you are left all exposed." - Dave Archer

Utkman said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:55:00 PM  

"Dave thats called a Naked bootleg the reason they call in a Naked bootleg is because your out there all alone Naked being all exposed" Dave Archer SEC Raycom

W_Rabb said...
Sep 27, 2008, 12:56:00 PM  

The line is getting good protection, but there is late pressure - Doc walker contradicting himself

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 1:12:00 PM  

"you gotta love the offensive game plan so far here by california" - charles davis calling the minnesota/ohio state game

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 1:17:00 PM  

That looked like a Canadian league play there - Steve Martin after Clemson was flagged for having players moving towards the line at the snap

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 1:20:00 PM  

jim tressel on halftime adjustments to charissa thompson as he was going off the field - "we have to get more consistant, we're doing some good thing then we have some blows."

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 1:22:00 PM  

Shaun King: "If they go for it here and don't get it, they're in trouble because they can't spike it."

It was 2nd and Goal.

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 1:28:00 PM  

"the biggest thing is continuing to do what we do." - Tommy Bowden to Mike Hogewood on halftime adjustments

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 1:33:00 PM  

"With less than two minutes to play here in the first half, I kinda expect the Spartans to just sit on this thing." - Ray Bentley

/snap

82 Yard TD pass.

nice analysis there.

Gibbon Jockey said...
Sep 27, 2008, 1:37:00 PM  

andre ware: "you gotta go for it here if you're butch davis and you came to win"

dave pasch: "it's only third down"

jordan s said...
Sep 27, 2008, 1:57:00 PM  

"If you are a righthanded QB, it is difficult to throw with your shoulder looking like that." - Kelly Stouffer on the Texas A & M QB after an injury, his right shoulder is hanging noticeably below his left.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:02:00 PM  

Actually "Michigander" is perfectly acceptable. Most of the people I know laugh at "Michiganian."

Brian said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:05:00 PM  

Anyone ever watch these games on ESPN360? It's pretty amusing to listen to the announcers when the TV feed is on commercial break. Just before the start of the second half of MSU-IU, Pam and Ray were talking with the producers about what to talk about before the second half kickoff. Pam said, "Should I ask you if this game is as bad as it looks?"

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:09:00 PM  

It doesnt have to do with announcing, but the cameraman on MD-Clemson could not keep up with
MD receiver Darrius Heyward-Bey on a 75-yd run.

"At this point in the run, I think the band should start playing." - Doc Walker on a replay of the run
One problem : the game is at Clemson.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:16:00 PM  

With a graphic showing Indiana RB Marcus Thigpen with 7 carries and 109 yards.

Ray Bentley not apparently good with the math, "Thigpen has the one carry for 78 yards and six for 21 yards."

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:18:00 PM  

"I always hope for cramps" - Doc Walker after an injury report

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:22:00 PM  

"Dont go anywhere, we got game" -Steve Martin going into a break, on a 4 point game with 14 min left in the 4th qtr. thanks for stating the obvious.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:40:00 PM  

Upset alerts : Miss / FL tied @ 17 7:30 left in 3rd, MD leads Clemson 20-17 10:25 left in 4th.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:48:00 PM  

Now, when Pam Ward gets a call correct over Ray Bentley, the world goes upside down.

ssreporters said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:49:00 PM  

Oh that was a 9 point swing.....way to go Indiana!

ssreporters said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:51:00 PM  

"That guy has some Doberman in his blood." describing a MD LB

"you gotta throw it to the high IQ guy." on a throw to Clemson TE

"Get Grisham a cheeseburger." after a Clemson receiver catches a pass for a first down.

Doc walker in a span of about 5 plays.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 2:59:00 PM  

I can't believe that spot the Terps got there, JG. This game is intense.

Sep 27, 2008, 3:04:00 PM  

Andre Ware just called overtime 'extra innings'. Oy.

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 3:09:00 PM  

"Lewis with backside pressure goes down!" - Pam Ward

ssreporters said...
Sep 27, 2008, 3:11:00 PM  

Holy crap what a finish in Miami, you have to see this ending.

ssreporters said...
Sep 27, 2008, 3:15:00 PM  

Oh, what an ending in Miami! And Pasch's call on point as usual. If you ignore how goofy him and Ware can get, Pasch is a great up and coming announcer.

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 3:15:00 PM  

First time commenting ... I love the blog.

JB

bryantwrestling said...
Sep 27, 2008, 3:17:00 PM  

Yeah that was wild. Great defense.

Sep 27, 2008, 3:19:00 PM  

Anon. at 3:09: To be fair, he did say "Extra innings, so to speak."

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 3:21:00 PM  

AA 3:04

Yea and if the terps had done a better job tackling on 3rd, it would not have been 4th and inches.

Doc Walker incredulous that Clemson does not get the spot for a first down, because they are at home.

Maybe on the verge of Chaos, Miss / FL tied @ 24 in the 4th.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 3:21:00 PM  

Ole Miss threw 85 yd TD pass a couple minutes ago.

"Florida needs to score twice or go for two." They were down by 7 at the time of the comment. Dont know who said it.

Florida just scored TD, Ole Miss blocks XP. 31-30 3:28 in 4th

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 3:44:00 PM  

Ole Miss stuffs Superman on 4th and 1. Game Over 31-30 Ole Miss.


This College FB season has officially entered the chaos zone

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:00:00 PM  

"The surprise was FL State scored an offensive TD." - Matt Winer updating Colorado / FSU during Arkansas / TX.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:09:00 PM  

The Wolverines' Offense Drinking Game: Drink every time there's a negative or no gain play.

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:24:00 PM  

Another from Wendi Nix: "You could argue that Pittsburgh certainly doesn't want this loss." What's this you say, Pitt doesn't want to lose? Way to go out on a limb with that argument there, Wendi.

BTW, her earlier quote was actually more like "This would be a bad loss for Pittsburgh, who trails 3-14 to Syracuse."

conq said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:30:00 PM  

"Coach Fulmer knows how to get us out of bad situations." Peyton Manning to Tracy Wolfson after a sideline inteview.

First I think a lot of Tennesee fans would debate that, and second Peyton is taking a chance standing
on the sidelines at Auburn

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:32:00 PM  

"Mississippi must have had some juice left from that debate last night, beating Florida." - Tom Hammond

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:47:00 PM  

"There is no one quite as popular in any form of football as the backup QB." Lundquist after Auburn's backup QB comes in and runs for about 15 yds, and loud cheers.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:50:00 PM  

Brad Nessler to Paul McGuire, while discussing the RB history at Wisconsin: "and before him (Ron Dayne), Alan Ameche won the Heisman in 1954. Going back to your time, Paul."
"Thanks for that"-Paul
If that wasnt the exact words, it was similar to that.
Brad is really doggin on Paul today.

RockchalkJayhawk said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:59:00 PM  

For at least the second time during the Wisconsin/Michigan game, whenever the Bottom Line updated the Purdue/Notre Dame score, it would scroll: "Tebow stopped on 4th & 1; Turnover on downs."

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:59:00 PM  

"Don't let Brandon King hold grandma's china." - Pat Haden after King dropped an INT

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 4:59:00 PM  

"He used a slap and a swim to get around" - Ed Cunningham on a move by a Texas D lineman to get to the QB

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 5:00:00 PM  

From the Clemson-Maryland game, not sure who said it but "It's OK to yell, but you have to yell with love." cracked me up

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 5:16:00 PM  

"The fans were dead, not used to the spread." - Gary Danielson on the Auburn QB change. How the hell could any college football fan, especially SEC ones not be used to the spread ?

Danielson with one of the most idiotic comments I've heard.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 5:28:00 PM  

Craig James at halftime of UM/WISC:
Michigan's offense has 20 plays for 20 yards. They STINK!!

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 5:46:00 PM  

"Oh my" -Lundquist channeling Dick Enberg after a long run by Auburn RB

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 5:47:00 PM  

(On the ND player who accidentally took weis' leg out)
Tom Hammond: His parents are still trying to make up for it.... They sent Coach Weis some candy this week

stew said...
Sep 27, 2008, 5:48:00 PM  

On Fox Sports north, Winona State is playing Minnesota State and both schools wear purple...

"With all the fans in purple out there, it looks like a Queen concert. Or, it looks like a Prince concert, rather." - The color guy

Ryan said...
Sep 27, 2008, 5:54:00 PM  

Apparently, the Texas think their game is already over. Colt McCoy on sideline with TX up 45-3 3 min left in 3rd.

I may be watching a lot of Big 12 games the rest of the year, Ed Cunningham just said he and Ron Franklin will be doing a lot of Big 12 games coming up. I think Franklin is one of the better PxP guys.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 6:03:00 PM  

Joe Tessitore during CU-FSU after a measurement showed the Seminoles came up just short of a first down:

"That's going to bring up third and a credit card."

Oy vey.

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 6:14:00 PM  

Gary Danielson (about Auburn's spread offense): "It's like how you can't be a little bit pregnant...well, you can't be a little bit spread offense. You've got to pass."

Cheynem said...
Sep 27, 2008, 6:15:00 PM  

Rick Walker during the Clemson/Maryland game after a catch by a Clemson receiver. The receiver ran the route to the first down line.

"that guys needs to get a cheeseburger because he knows where to go"

SCC Show said...
Sep 27, 2008, 6:20:00 PM  

Tom Hammond: Balls flying through the air here at notre dame stadium

stew said...
Sep 27, 2008, 6:23:00 PM  

"Maybe he was trying to get the cheerleaders attention." - Lundquist after Danielson went on a rant about the Tennesee QB throwing the ball well out of bounds.

"Not on the road." - Danielson's response

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 6:37:00 PM  

I dont care how funny some of the quotes are or how we can laugh at some cause they have a hidden meaning to a younger generation. None of them can compare to how bad Pam Ward is. She has no clue what is going on half the time and the other half she has to correct what she said. My gf even said today how bad she is. She easily takes the cake each week. Without a doubt the worst

shaft412412 said...
Sep 27, 2008, 6:38:00 PM  

"After you win 3-2 this is like a blowout, put your subs in." - Danielson

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 6:46:00 PM  

" Nice glasses douchebag."

Did Michael Phelps do something to you personally? What the hell is your problem with him?

ds said...
Sep 27, 2008, 6:58:00 PM  

"In college football brad, you know, when you make a first down, first downs that you have possession of aren't really that important because if you make a first down it stops the clock" - Bob Griese

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 7:01:00 PM  

"Michigan's offense has 20 plays for 20 yards. They STINK!!"

Oh.. that "stinky" team just beat Wisconsin.

GO BLUE!!

BLUEBALLS said...
Sep 27, 2008, 7:30:00 PM  

"oklahoma can go big boy and hammer you."

"Oklahoma's offense running on all 8 cylinders, they went in had a oil change during the bye week." -whoever is doing the analysis on TCU-OU.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 7:41:00 PM  

"This is like a track meet." - Bob Davie after lSU scores to tie the game at 3 with 11 min left in the first.

I didnt know it was make fun of SEC offenses day

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 7:50:00 PM  

If I hear the name "John Parker Thompson" one more time, Im going to blow my head off.

Cant they give him a fucking nickname instead of saying that contrived name over and over??

BLUEBALLS said...
Sep 27, 2008, 8:12:00 PM  

blueballs 8:12

It should be John Parker Wilson, they are probably misstating it.

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 8:17:00 PM  

Mike Patrick on Alabama dominating the first half against Georgia:

"This is like one of those Ronco commercials at 2 am. They're slicing, dicing, and chopping their way all through Georgia!"

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 8:57:00 PM  

"This is an old-fashioned, country butt-kicking... and Georgia is supplying the butt." -- Mike Patrick

Jay said...
Sep 27, 2008, 8:58:00 PM  

"Black has become the new invisible" - Matt Winer updating Alabama / Georgia during VA tech / Nebraska

jg said...
Sep 27, 2008, 9:41:00 PM  

I am going to take a guess and say Georgia will not be in the title game. I also fully expect Alabama to pull a USC and somehow lose to Kentucky next week.

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 9:49:00 PM  

I am wondering how the best game that the "Worldwide Leader" could give us was Mich. St. at IU. Two basketball schools playing football?

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 10:26:00 PM  

This was actually from MNF (Jets-Chargers), but I didn't see a better place to put it :

The toe is the Achilles' heel of the foot.

Anonymous said...
Sep 27, 2008, 11:07:00 PM  

"It was a missed PTA." - Brent Musburger referring to the end of the Ole Miss/Florida game.

ifiok2567 said...
Sep 27, 2008, 11:13:00 PM  

"Four of the last three years." - Herbstreit, in reference to USC losing to unranked opponents.

JCZ said...
Sep 27, 2008, 11:27:00 PM  

The previous poster must not have read all of that Wikipedia article he was referencing. I happen to be a "Michigander" and the term has lost it's derogatory intention over time. There's no official way to address somebody from Michigan and Michigander is commonly accepted.

Eric said...
Sep 28, 2008, 12:15:00 AM  

anybody else think phelps nailed stacy dales after the game? or the night before?
you know what they say about divorcees --- hot to trot.
and she couldn't get any from the little leaguers at the world series.

Anonymous said...
Sep 28, 2008, 1:11:00 AM  

The color guy of the Oklahoma/TCU game, after the TCU quarterback threw the ball away, explaining the limits of intentional grounding: "Yeah once you're out the the pocket you can throw it to your girlfriend. Or whoever"

stevendungan said...
Sep 28, 2008, 4:30:00 AM  

Anon, I'd definitely nail Stacey if Phelps didn't. You think he dropped a box of ceral with his face on it, like LeBatard said?

Anonymous said...
Sep 28, 2008, 7:52:00 AM  

jcz

Herbstreit is just happy to be back in Little 11 land, away from those evil SEC people.

jg said...
Sep 28, 2008, 11:54:00 AM  

From the NY Jets vs. Arizona Cardinals game. The color commentator -- I'm not sure who he was -- spoke of Jet corner Darrelle Revis, who made a break on a pass.

"... a crafty veteran, in only his second year in the league."

WeTheSportsPeople.com

Sep 29, 2008, 7:45:00 AM  

I don't know if it is too late or not, but a couple more gems I picked up in Michael Hiestand's USA Today column:

"The college football world is flat. Anybody can beat you."-Spencer Tillman

"Tennessee has beaten Tennessee three times this year."-Danielson

Anonymous said...
Sep 29, 2008, 12:10:00 PM  

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