A Case Study in NBA Broadcasting- Part 1

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

(Or what happens when you spread your network to thin).

When it comes down to it you only have three choices of where to get your NBA fix (only two really depending on the day). You have old reliable TNT, you have NBA TV, and you have the conglomerate monster that is Disney (ABC/ESPN). So let's see.....where should we start? Let's go with TNT first.


What you know: As you know you get your TNT games on Thursdays except for tonight which gives you two openers in Bulls@Heat and Suns@Lakers. Also none of your main players have changed. Your announcing team is Marv Albert, Steve Kerr, and Doug Collins. I personally hate Doug Collins, but I guess he could be worse. Marv works best out of a three-man setup and Steve Kerr provides some decent insight.

Your In-Studio team is still there as well. Charles and Kenny are the controlled chaos who are perfectly steered by Ernie Johnson Jr. In fact I think no one does it better than EJ.

What you don't or may not know: Ernie has been battling Cancer this entire offseason and is completely bald which should help him fit right back in with The Jet and Chuck. He says he's "Feeling Great and ready to start the season". I think TNT did a great job of giving him the off-season to receive treatment and is doing an even greater job by giving him his job back.

TNT pays $2.2 billion over 6 years for the right to broadcast NBA games on Thursday. Their current deal is up at the end of next season.

TNT has arguably succeeded for one reason in my eyes. They gave Marv Albert a second chance. After he was fired from NBC for *ahem* the alleged repeated biting of a female sex partner.

TNT's playoff coverage, nicknamed 40 Games in 40 Nights, is entering its 19th year.

Your other players:
Sideline Reporters: David Alrdridge, Craig Sager, Charles Davis, and THE Cheryl Mill
Backup Analysts and Lead Announcers: Kevin Harlan, Gary Bender, Dick Stockton, Rex Chapman, PJ Carlesimo, Mike Fratello, Reggie Miller, and THE John Thompson

Your TNT Haiku:
Chuckie and the Jet
Marv Albert Likes to bite Hard
Thank You for Ernie

Why TNT has it right: Unlike Joe Morgan and Tim McCarver -- ex-jocks turned baseball announcers Barkley and Smith don't take themselves a fraction as seriously. They have fun and there isn't the need to yell over top of each other to prove a point (*ahem* ESPN).


What you know: NBA TV Broadcasts games four nights a week (usually Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Saturday)

What you don't or may not know: NBA TV broadcasters include Andre Aldridge, Rick Kamla, Gary Apple, Fred "Mad Dog" Carter, Gail Goodrich and Bruce Beck.

The channel also shows international games, typically on Saturday evenings, with special emphasis on the Euroleague and the Maccabi Tel Aviv team from Israel. In April 2005, the channel televised the Chinese Basketball Association finals for the first time.

Your other players: It also features random crap from New York area journalists Peter Vecsey and Frank Isola.

Your NBA TV Haiku:
Basketball TV
Every Possible Game
Need Loan to Pay Bill

Why NBA TV has it kind of right: They appeal to the hardcore basketball fan. They show overseas game and have content throughout the day. The announcers they have are up and comers or looked over talent and that's all they can really afford.

Buuuuuut. The shiz is expensive, and you don't really even get to watch the daily features.

All in all these two are (surprise!) the more tolerable of the three. Can you guess which program is the worst????? Of course it's ESPN! And you'll get the full profile tomorrow.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 2:23 PM 6 Comments Links to this post

Best of the Worst

So last night was yet another maddening trek into double speak land. Joe Theismann just destroys my will to live sometimes and apparently Tony Kornheiser is the most unfunny person alive after 7pm. It's like he's some sort of pseudo-Gremlin......feed him after PTI and he turns into Bob Hope and his bad jokes just continue to multiply.

Anywho, here are my favorite quotes from last night. Our NBA Announcing preview will be up later today, and as a hint to how awesome it will be.......By my count ESPN/ABC will have a total of 31 personalities covering games in-person or in-studio this season. That's right 31!!!

Onto the Announcing last night:

"Ryan Longwell will kick it and that's one of the story lines for tonight."- MT, Funny Mike because you didn't even mention him the entire night.

"We don't know Tom Brady the way we know Peyton, Vick, or McNabb"- TK, This didn't make me mad it just made me laugh. Tom Brady has been disrespected for too long!!! ESPN didn't show the graphic that he has the most wins and the most rings this era. He's never hosted SNL. He was never SI's Sportsman of the Year. He wasn't animated in both The Simpsons and Family Guy. AND! we don't know that Tom Brady is a playboy and dates Hollywood Actresses......nope......I wasn't aware of that at all.

Tony K then explained his previous comment about Brady by saying that he meant he "wasn't in a lot of commercials", Nope he was never in a VISA commercial with his entire offensive line. (Okay I'll stop now. I think you get the point.)

"Brady slid from side to side like he was playing on clay at the French Open"- TK, Your core audience DOES NOT watch Tennis Tony.....I'm sorry.

"Minnesota plays for the Little Brown Jug"- MT, to Tony K. after Tony brought up Paul Bunyan's Axe. Tirico's research team fails him again. Tony was astute enough to comment on the clip playing (god forbid) of Maroney's 250+ yard game versus Wisconsin. Tirico just stomped all over the brief insight.

"I'm convinced Bill has an endorsement deal with Homeless Shelters"- TK, Yes Tony....making fun of homeless people is hilarious. Like I said last night.....should have got it out of your system in New Orleans asshat.

"They are using the play action because Chester Taylor has run the ball well"- JT, Just an asinine comment. Taylor had 9 carries for 20 yards at that point.

"You have to go out and get a Quarterback you can have for ten years"- JT
"Brad Johnson is seeking an extension and I think he deserves the money."- 1st quarter Joe Theismann
No matter the time....No matter the place.....Joe will contradict himself!

"I see glitter on Tom Brady's shirt and I think I'm falling in Love"- TK
"Mercifully Week 8 of the NFL season is over."- MT
Couldn't have said it better myself Mike.

Another MNF game in the books and another complete verbal crapfest. Back later with the NBA Previews! While some people predict the Bulls winning the Championship.....I predict the asses that will predict that the Bulls will win the Championship (er, something like that).

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 9:50 AM 4 Comments Links to this post

MNF Live Blog Week 8- The Paris Hilton Experiment

Monday, October 30, 2006

Great band name, but an even better live-blog. Be there tonight as the New England Bradys head into Minnesota to battle the Minnesota (Insert: Sex Boat Joke Here) s. We'll be starting circa 8pm so be there.

Oh God.

In case you weren't already aware....check this: Belichick's Son Arrested for Pot

So Ed Werder's already made the first mistake.....talking about Chester Taylor he stated, "If Taylor gets 139 carries tonight......"

If Taylor gets 139 carries tonight at his 4.3 ypc......that would be 598 yards. I think that'd be a record or something.

Over/Under on the number of times the term "Two-Headed Monster" is used to describe Maroney and Dillon..........49.

8:29- Lead Pipe Lock Standings???? What does that even mean?

Berman thinks the key to the game is the TE Battle......IT'S WATSON.......IT'S WIGGINS........IT'S MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!!!!!

(sorry couldn't help it)

8:31- Oh Paris baby........are you ready for some football?

8:34- "It's very purple and very loud"- MT, that's what she said.......hey yo!

Tony K's Cliff Notes:

-Making the case for Tom Brady
-Not the best QB statstically
-3 rings
-No QB in the Superbowl Era is equal to him
-Bill Bel is homeless
-Like Bogey in Casablanca, Like Jim Bauer
-Golden Boy
-He's got a hot girlfriend

Joey T's Cliff Notes:

-Minnesota has good D
-They want to put the ball in Tom Brady's hands
-Not sure if that's what they should do.


Suzy K's Cliff Notes:

-NE Defense gets in your head
-Hit Taylor Early

Michele T's Cliff Notes:

-Patriots Defense has weird stuff
-Lot of looks
-Instead of throwing to landmarks Johnson will go directly to receivers.

8:40- All my rowdy friends are here are yours???? Gametime.

"Ryan Longwell will kick it and that's one of the story lines for tonight."- MT, ummm really?

Billy is wearing a cutoff sweatshirt?!?!?!?!?! Wow. That's my former highschool....Annapolis Senior Highschool for you.

8:44- It is loud as hell in the HHH tonight. Matt Light Intros the offense as the Bearded Ones.

Oh!!!! One thing I completely forgot about......Halloween customes in the stands. The slutty cat is there......nice.

Brady has a fortnight to throw a rope to Gabriel for ____ yards. (The booth doesn't tell us).

Winfield on the Vikings D.

"That was a rocket ship"- JT, on Brady's pass to Dougie Fresh......let's start the fellating!!!!!!

8:48- "Right now the Vikings look like #401 against the pass right now"- TK, Good one.

Wow that was quick Brady to Reche........

7-0 Pats.

Joe actually had a good point (yes, I'm going to say it) that the Vikings D is #1 against the rush....so why pass?

8:53- Okay those VW commercials where the cars come out of nowhere scare me.

Damn Wiggins and Watson both have a catch.....Berman was right!!!!!!!

McKinnie on the Vikes Offense......how many Ex-Ravens to the Vikings have.......


Rodney Harrison on the D for the Pats.

8:57- Why run the ball? Taylor stopped for zippy twice in a row.

Billy McMullen?????? What's up UVA!

Vikings Punt......say it Tony.............SAY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "This game is over"- TK

Okay he didn't say it but he wanted to just so he could jinx another team.

9:03- "We don't know Tom Brady the way we know Peyton, Vick, or McNabb"- TK

WE DON'T!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Come on Tony.....you have lost it.

Brady Picked by Sharper.

9:07- Brad Johnson into triple coverage and every NE player runs into each other and the ball falls to the ground.

Rodney Harrison hits people hard.....period.

How did Bradley get out of that one...... Tony Rich!!!!! What!

"All I want to do is hit Linebackers in the mouth"- Tony Richardson

Only Charlie Frye makes less money as a starter than Brad Johnson. That's crazy.

"Most guys his age are getting AARP benefits"- TK on Johnson, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA......not funny.

Artrose Pinner?! Seriously how are the Vikings above .500?????

And..........Johnson Picked at the Goalline. White Stripes to commercial!!!

9:13- Gabriel looks like a stud early......good work Oakland.

1st quarter over.....7-0 Pats.

9:19- And....White Stripes coming back in.....at least it's a new song. Er, maybe not.

Ben Watson for 40 yards......even the sun shines on Berman's ass every once and awhile.

Tony K explains his previous comment about Brady by saying that he meant he wasn't in a lot of commercials..........get out of my head ESPN. It's almost like they're reading this right now....hmmm?

"Unless your tackling them you have to let them go"- JT
"Or if you are dancing with them"- TK
"Dancing with the Stars"- JT
"That was last week Joe"- TK
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Oh man you guys......whooooo. Com-E-dy.

9:22- "Brady slid from side to side like he was playing on clay at the French Open"- TK, Good god.......terrible.

UPDATE: Normally we take a break at halftime, but today we're switching over to Friday Night Lights if you'd like to join us.

9:29- "I believe the sport of curling started in Scotland"- MT
"I use a broom..at home"- JT
Wait.....what? Was that banter????

Colvin with a heck of a hit.

I wasn't exactly paying attention but I think Joe just used the term Diggery Doo.

Brad Johnson.......Picked again.

"Those are two of the worst decisions i've seen him make in I don't know how long"- JT

Enough with the White Stripes.....change the song at least.

9:35- Jabar Gafney…….who is on the Pats, but should be on the Vikings

“At what point do you start to lose if you continue to take away talent from Tom Brady?- TK
“You don’t do that to someone like Tom Brady…..or someone like Peyton Manning.”- JT
Jesus Christ……what is he even thinking in his head?

“I think it’s sweet that we are going to be in Sausage races and our heads will be that big. Joe your head is always that big.”- TK

Sorry.....Blogger went down there for a bit. And so did ESPN there for a second.

9:42- Damn I don't know if I can skip this sausage race.......screw FNL ESPN f'ing hooked me. Damn the Leader.

NBA is coming.....by the way AA's NBA Announcing Preview will be up tomorrow. Be there.

9:47- Wow......Maroney is a stud. Can't say I didn't predict it.

Am I drunk or are they talking WAAAAAAAAY too fast??? I can't keep up.

"Minnesota plays for the Little Brown Jug"- MT, to Tony K. after Tony brought up Paul Bunyan's Axe.

Umm yes, but they also play Wisconsin for the damn axe Tirico. UGH!

9:57- Tony gets a question about players covering their mouths.

"I'm convinced Bill has an endorsement deal with Homeless Shelters"- TK, That's just extremely tacky and unfunny. Seriously, how do you make a joke about the homeless problem. Should have said it in New Orleans you fucktard.

TD New England....17-0.

10:00- Oh god these customes are scary. Can someone say nightmares.

Mike Tirico takes off his giant head.

"Someone understand how I feel after doing a game with you two"- MT, Now THAT'S funny!!! Take note Tony.

Halftime 17-0 New England. Down to Chris Berman........Steve Young has the Irvin mask on and is going crazy with his arms.....funny.

Shut up Berman. Fastest 3 minutes. GO! WHooP!


Whoa Log Choppers at Halftime!

Contestants: Berman, Irvin (booooo!), Tom Jackson, Tony K (booo!), Joey T. (Boooo!), Mike Tirico (cheers), Steve Young (Cheers)

Mikey T. out early......Steve Young takes the lead........Mike Tirico Falls!!!!

And Steve Young Wins......so F'ing Anti-climatic I can't even believe it.

"The Promotion of it all"- Steve Young, Ha!
"Tom Brady in custome or out of custome he has 257 yards"- Chris Berman
(distracted much Berman??? Those customes suck. I'm weighing in now)

10:19- You think I want your job.....you're Damn Right I do......FNL.

So "What About Brian is On"......that's an option.

"Old guy on Old Guy"- MT, That's just nasty Michael.

"On the day he retired or graduated or whatever he said"-TK on Seau, Way to know the quotes of the guy you're commenting on Tony.

10:25- Watching Friday Night Lights instead of the game. Sorry the ADD is kicking in.

The Hot Cheerleader is sleeping with the Paralyzed Guy's Best Friend.......so, umm, that's good.

17-7.......Mewelde Moore on the Punt Return. That's why I love two tvs.

"Hey check it out.....Amy Jo Johnson is on What About Brian"- Roommate
"Who is Amy Jo Johnson?"- Me
"The Pink Power Ranger."-Roommate

It's Pep Rally Time in Dillon Folks! "We own the fourth quarter"- Coach

Dillon is going on the road and the Panthers are starting Voodoo.......Drama!

New England scores......24-7. Brady to Brown.

The fullback finally goes and sees his crippled friend, but he's still sleeping with his girlfriend.

"The are using the play action because Chester Taylor has run the ball well"- JT, Yes Joe.....20 yards on 9 carries is running the ball well. Great stuff.

10:47- The slutty girl jumps the business man's bones in FNL.....cue the Classic Rock.

Voodoo stiff arms 17 defensive players and gets a TD for Dillon.

ROCK MUSIC! Defensive hits.......defensive hits.

Voodoo is calling his own plays now......Coach Tatum is pissed. Ball picked and Sarenson is the QB!

TD!!!! Dillon Panthers!!!!!!!!! Coach Tatum is going for two!

10:50- And Dillon Wins It!!!!!! And the fullback and cheerleader exchange a glance......

Meanwhile.....back in "Double Headed Dildo Land".......

"New England is challenging the ruling on da da da field fumble"- The ref (Larry Nemers I think)
"He's knees were in Smoot's chest"- JT, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!

10:54- The Whore is given Breakfast by the Investment Banker.....

"I thought you'd stay if I f'ed you"- Roommate on the slut in FNL.

Awkward......Whore cries. It's a vicious cycle.

RECRUITING VIOLATIONS!!!!!!!!!!! Clear Eyes.......Full Heart.......Can't LOSE!

11:08- Brad Johnson avoids a tackle and then............he throws a pick. Whoo this game is awesome!

In case you're checking Yahoo! Fantasy is down due to the fact the entire New England area is checking their 1-5 Fantasy Team for Brady's stats right now.

11:19- I'm fading fast, but ESPN's use of the White Stripes isn't! That's good to know.

P.S.- Brooks Bollinger is in for the Vikes......so they've got that going for them.

P.S.S.- There's still an ENTIRE QUARTER left in this game........shoot me now.

11:24- And Heath Evans runs the ball for _______ yards. Yep, you guessed it.

Evans 35 yard run..........Thanks Mike.

4th and 5.....Brady sacked and Fumbles!!!! But the Golden Boy is saved by his Offensive Line again.

NEXT WEEK: Seattle and Oakland...........JOY!!!!

11:34- Michele Tafoya messes up the tongue twister "Bowling Alley Outing". Tough stuff actually.

Tony gives us a report that Childress is trying to "change the culture"......good report........7 months ago.

6 minutes left and the Vikings are using the offense they should have used from the start. Including runs and screens.....always good when you're trying to save clock.

When talking about the Vikings issues (apparently they have some) Joe's advice.........

"You have to go out and get a Quarterback you can have for ten years"...........

"Brad Johnson is seeking an extension and I think he deserves the money"- 1st quarter Joe Theismann.

It doesn't matter what the game......what the quarter.......Joe is GOING to contradict himself somehow.

11:40- If I was Tony I'd just start drinking in the booth. Think about it.....you can't be any worse. Joe maddens you to no end, but you can't say anything. And your own Washington Post counterparts are tearing you to shreds.

Solution: Just go Howard Cosell on them all.

"If you can say there's a bright spot you can say it's Mewelde Moore"- JT, Umm yeah.....he has the only Vikings TD.

"Piling up my Fantasy Yards"- TK
"America hanging on that result Tony"- MT

Mike Tirico is the only bright spot about this team and I think he's continually dragged down by Team Douchebag.

"I see glitter on Tom Brady's shirt and I think I'm falling in Love"- TK
"Mercifully Week 8 of the NFL season is over."- MT

And there you have it. Another MNF game in the bag. Mike Tirico rags on Tony.....and right into SportsCenter.

Boring game in all......but we got to see the halftime announcer race AND FNL.....Joy! NBA Announcer preview tomorrow. See you then. Let the verbal fellating of the Patriots began (seriously though....has it ever really stopped?)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:47 AM 17 Comments Links to this post

David Eckstein is My Hero

(Not really) So here's the thing. There aren't going to be any I told you so moments today.....Why? Because there doesn't need to be. Couple of points though.

1. I never said David Eckstein was a great player. I said he was a good player and that it would be extremely ironic if he won the W.S. MVP after a "Quadruple A" team won the Series.

2. I think David Eckstein is a Good player and definitely an above average MLB Player. I also think his stats prove that. He may not be one of the best shortstops around, but I'd draft him relatively high if the top echelon were taken.

3. He's an awful fantasy player. That has nothing to do with the discussion, but I figured I'd say it tying into........

4. The argument came up about his statistics and I stated that they didn't really matter in the discussion. I'm not going all Joe Morgan on you here, but a lot of times statistics lie....or they don't tell the whole story. That's the case in any sport.....Who's a better QB Tom Brady or Peyton Manning? I (and most) say Tom Brady because of the Rings.

Now that doesn't exactly compare to baseball, but in any sport you are instantly more respected and considered a better player because of said rings. And I think the same has to be said for David Eckstein......At the end of the day he's a career .283 hitter with an OBP of .351.

Oh....and he's got 2 World Series Rings and 1 World Series MVP. That's pretty damn good in my eyes. Congratulations St. Louis.....and Detroit......at least you lost(won) this battle:

United States Most Dangerous City

In the grand scheme of things......which is more important??? Please continue the debate if you so choose in the comments.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:07 AM 4 Comments Links to this post

Oh God

Friday, October 27, 2006

So Paris Hilton will be on Monday Night Football this......well umm.....Monday. Not sure if she's just picking up the helmet or she'll be in the booth (I'm praying she will be in the booth), but prepare yourselves. Oh and anyone in or near Minnesota (ahem Pacifist Viking) please take the precautionary measures to protect from an Outbreak of VD.

And Announcer Races??????

More on ESPN from the USA Today....

Whether it's hyping Dancing— which drew about 5.million more viewers than the World Series game it ran opposite Tuesday — or having Disney-employed celebs drop by the booth, they aren't catering to the just-give-me-the-game crowd. Those people will watch anyway: ESPN's game Monday, as a sports-themed TV show accessible to lots of people who've never heard of Billy Kilmer, drew the most households in cable TV history.
I guess he does bring up a good point that we'd be watching it anyways, but that won't stop me from trashing it.

Monday Night Games are About One Thing (USA Today)

The Apocalypse Has Come (The Big Lead)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:59 AM 6 Comments Links to this post

David Eckstein Sucks

Simmons Review- V15

Riiiiiiiight Bill Simmons (and every commenter that doubted my statements).....riiiiiiight. Seriously everyone how perfect would it be if the Cards won AND Eck won the MVP? I just want you to know that I'm saving my venom for now, but just wait.......I'm going to have a field day.

Anyways (yes this is a word), I didn't watch the game with sound on last night.....and it was wonderful. I can't express in words how great it felt, but alas I'm a glutton for punishment so I'm back at it again tonight.

Doing some links later (yes we'll have a new song to use) so come back and check out the peeps who are better than I.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 9:50 AM 11 Comments Links to this post

Tiki takes on ESPN

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Some of you may or may not have seen this, but I love this story.

Michael Irvin is an Idiot and Blanket Journalist (Fanhouse)

Tiki's response that he's a quitter....

"I will call them 'idiots' because they have neither spoken to me nor any one of my teammates or any of my coaches, yet all they do is criticize me for being a distraction with this retirement thing...That includes New York Daily News columnist Gary Myers, that includes Tom Jackson on ESPN, that includes the ultimate character guy, facetiously speaking, of course, Michael Irvin (of ESPN), please get a clue how to be a journalist. Don't make blanket assumptions about it."
Wow....that's harsh and only mostly true. Tom and Michael are not journalists, but they are idiots. I don't mind Tom Jackson that much, but everyone knows my feelings on Irvin.

I (like everyone else) am a little sick of all Tiki being everwhere, but you have to respect him as a player. (The car commercials and political events get to be a little much sometime). But considering that Tiki will most likely become a Football Analyst in some capacity when he's done....he's setting himself up get big money from one of the major Network shows. In fact, I think he could take over for Buck as the host of the FOX broadcast.

Hmm, me sense an Announcer War in the near future.....me likey.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:45 AM 2 Comments Links to this post

It's the Helmet that Says Badass Mother F'er On It

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

So we've been bombarded with the crappiest "Helmet Picker Uppers" this side of Rome (sorry only joke I could come up with). But who did they give us this past Monday......well the Baddest M'Fer ever (or he was before SOAP). The best part is how he throws down the Yankees hat and then gets into a three point stance.

We Won't Take it Anymore (Silva Sportz)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 1:39 PM 3 Comments Links to this post

Everything Taco Bell (or Joe Buck)

So we've had some requests to take Joe Buck to task more often (even had someone tell us he was their favorite announcer?!?!). Well rather than "out" the commenter here (and throw him to the wolves) we'll just show you a few of Buck's gems from last night (and he can defend himself, if he so chooses, in the comments).

But before that.....my favorite comment was from a kid in the stands. For some reason FOX is borrowing from the MNF Book of "What can we do that is the most distracting thing possible and nowhere near relevant to the game". They have a Taco Bell promotion where if a player hits the ball into the stands that inning the entire country wins a free taco. Well FOX sent Chris Meyers out to interview people and when he asked a kid about the promotion the kid responded.....

"I'm just out here to watch the game, but I guess a Taco would be nice."- Kid, Booyah! In your face FOX! Please just let us watch the damn game in peace.
Onto Buckalicious.....
"Casey down the right field line.....annnnnnd. Foul." Not a bad call or a mistake....it was just said with the inflection of the most monotone person you've ever come across. It makes it seem like Buck is rooting for the Cards but he'd never do that right? Right???

"Casey bounced out to second his last at bat......Up to 44." Umm what? 44 what? Tell me something here Bucky. It was actually Carpenter's pitch count, which I looked up on MLB.com.

"Foul Ball down the right field line is foul." Yeah. Okay.
And the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard him say (besides Mooning Gate), and the most emails I've ever received on one subject. With the Cards batting in the Bottom of the Eighth....
"The Tigers will have their big bats coming up in the 9th. Neifi
Perez....and then, Granderson, Monroe, Polanco, and Ordonez..."
Nevermind the fact that they would have to load the bases to get their "Power Hitter" Ordonez. Neifi Perez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wha?!?!?!?! Cubs fans everywhere just lost it. Best part of the whole thing was that Leyland pinch hit for the Powerful Neifi in the ninth with Omar Infante. Too funny.

More on our new found Power Hitter Neifi......

No More Neifi (Thunder Matt)

Why for Gods Sake (Thunder Matt)

Neifi's gone (Goat Riders of the Apocalypse)

Observation of Neifi (Cubbiepalooza)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 9:39 AM 7 Comments Links to this post

There's Your Sign #4

Pretty funny Gameday sign actually.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 1:05 AM 4 Comments Links to this post

MNF Live Blog Week 7- Giants vs. Cowboys

Monday, October 23, 2006

Live-blogging away starting at around 8:00 (or when Berman first says something dumb). See you then and bring your always stellar commenting!

8:04- Suzy's Back!!!!!!!!!!

"Here's a guy that plays well and will play well tonight. 4tds and 1 int at home"- JT, Yeah Joe....Drew Bledsoe's stats have nothing to do with the D he goes up against it's where he plays.

8:16- T.O., T.O., T.O., T.O., T.O., T.O., T.O., T.O., T.O., T.O., T.O., T.O.

8:18- Giants actually have a gameplan to take T.O. off his game. It involves dropping a dump truck of pills at the 50 yard line. HEY YO!!!! I'll be here all night.

8:28- Berman picks the Giants while the rest pick the 'Boys.....I'd begin to explain he's reasoning but I'd Implode

LT on the Intros....."The intensity, the press, the prayers, and the strippers"....something like that. JET!!!!! Nice current song ESPN.

Who's picking up the helmet..............SAM "Mutha Fuckin" JACKSON!!!! Now we're talkin'!!!!

8:35- "So many stories.....Tom Couglin going up against he's mentor Parcells."- Tirico, yeah that's what I care about.

"The devil comes in many forms......?????" - TK, as he references Devils Advocate?!?!?!?! Keanu would be proud.

"Sometimes in good faith the devil will deliver before he takes your soul"

Three words.....OVER THE TOP.

8:39- Over/Under on the number of Tony's Players playing that are on his Fantasy Team.....3. Taking bets now.

When you come back a big name in the star at Texas Stadium......my guess: Garth Brooks.

8:41- Oh it's just Hank Williams.....whopedy frickin doo!!

Haha....and he doesn't even sing. They go right to the commercial. Too funny.

8:42- And we're under way........

Giants Ball....intro duty to: Tiki Barber- Offense (boring), Bradie James- Defense (boring)

Manning to Plaxico!!!!! Using the official for a pick.....

Dance! Dance! Whooooo Fall Out Boy and Football......love ESPN!

7-0 Giants.....that was quick.

the not so awful girlfriend said...she took the deal! 185,000...

Yep my GF is checking up on me....that's always good. And she's officially the Awful Girlfriend. I'll have shirts soon for all the ladies on the site.

8:49- Julius on the intros for the 'Boys Offense.....Someone is nicknamed "Big Penguin"

"Is there any recourse for running into the official"- TK, Are you f'ing kidding me? Who the hell doesn't know that? Are they tapping into the Desperate Housewife market.

Strahan on the D Intros.....good job.

Bledsoe sack #1.......and a jumpshot.

......Giants D looks good. T.O.'s getting pissed already.

"You don't have many plays in your playbook that will get you 15 yards."- JT, You don't?!?!?! Seriously? So that Eli to Plax 50 yard pass is the only one above 15 yards in the playbook? Just checking.

8:58- Tiki Barber is crushed out of bounds by Watkins, and he gets up and pats him on the head while P. Wat yaps away. That's a classy back.

Tom Coughlin is challenging whether Elisha's arm was going forward or not......

"That's definitely a fumble arm never went forward"- JT
"His arm was going forward"- JT

JT is going to make a great politician someday.

Also......karl said...
ok Theismann (pronounced Theesmann)opening statements Tiki Barbie...and then 3 minutes later he calls Mike Tirico "John".

Too funny.

Joey says it's a fumble again because "The empty palm rule you have to have an empty palm"....Thanks Joseph.

And Joey is of course wrong. "There is confusion on how to identify a forward pass."- JT, Is there? Maybe your the only one confused.

"The empty hand rule not the empty nest rule"- TK, thanks for chiming in Tony....really gripping funny stuff.

9:08- Barber on why it will be his last season.....He think the Giants will win the Super Bowl....I think no.

There were about 27 uses of the word pounding in that interview.

Giants Punt......"Both of these guys who had problems last year against this defense are having problems again."- JT, Which f'ing guys Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:18- Joe blames The Statue's early problems all on the offensive line. Just like a good QB does.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.....the RB screen is the best play in football. No, not the faggy WR screen that the Redskins use.

"Makes you wonder why the Redskins didn't play him for two years."- TK on Arrington, You were a writer for the F'ing Post!!!!!!!!!! Shut the hell up.

9:22- Joe predicts a run, and of course it's a pass. "Why do you throw an 11 yard pass when you need 20? It's because you don't have enough time for the receivers to get down field"- JT, I thought it was because you didn't have any plays over 15 yards Joe?????

Oh forgot to say the Giants got a safety......9-0, it's credited to Lavar Arrington, but I'd disagree. Why? Because I can.

and T.O. is already bitching....

9:27- Elisha is looking good early....doesn't look good for the 'Boys early. He hits Plax again on a gorgeous throw.

Matt Weinert tells us that Matt Hasslebeck and Big Ben are hurt......we've known this for two days now....thanks.

Huge 3rd down pickup as the Dallas Defense looked plain stupid. The LB turned around to change the play and Eli flipped it back and hiked it quick. Heads up play.

9:31- Tirico talks about how Tiki is a better back not only because he stopped fumbling the ball but he became a stronger runner. Joe then explains he's a stonger runner because he carries the ball higher on his arm......jesus Joe is in rare form tonight.

"TD, Safety, FG equals Twelve"- MT, thanks Mike....

12-0 Giants.

Holy Shizzz.....get ready for Hank Williams in the booth when we come back!!!!

Okay Tony.....here's your chance.....(this is when I pay zero attention to the game)

9:38- Fans chanting for Romo....

Antonio Pierce just crushes Sam Hurd!!!!

Osi sack!!!!! In the grass......they are making Drew their bitch.

Morton gives the G-Men huge field position.....where's HANK!?!?!?!?!?!?

9:42- Hank's Here!!!! Yes! "How bout it Mike"- HW

"You let Joe wear the hat you'll have to get it disinfected at some point"- TK

"Did you think of bringing Pink into your video"- TK, Funny actually.

Terrance Newman with the Pick and an offensive pass interference........on 3rd and 1???? Bad Call.

Too bad Bledsoe can't do anything. More Boos........

"Before we let you go Hank......"- TK, yes they finally got it right.....two questions and done.

9:47- I would never make fun of a player getting injured (even Lavar), but great signing Giants.........Arrington off on the cart.

Now watch how much better the G's defense gets.....It's a given.....I promise you.

9:50- I have a dollar that Romo comes in at halftime, and Joe flips out.

T.O. gets another Offensive Pass Interference not called and flips out. Good for you Owens....one catch.

.....and the Cowboys run it.....great play calling.

"The deal with the devil the Cowboys made"- TK

"This is what happens when you give Drew the time to throw the Ball"- JT.......no this impending INT is Joe. Wait for it..............

OH DAMN!!!! Owens got crushed!!!!!! Brandon Short! But it doesn't faze T.O.

Oh another bad call on the pass interference on Owens......Bledsoe runs....TD! And apparently the fans are back on his side again. Great fans Dallas.

12-7 Giants.

And T.O. is still yappin' in Bledsoe's ear.

9:59- Tiki Fumbles!!!! And so ends the verbal felating of one Tiki Barber. Tiki hurt....his retirement come earlier than we thought.....looks like a concussion.

Can someone say Momentum?

10:02- I don't care.....I put 4 guys on T.O. this series.

T.O. STILL! talking to Bledsoe during the measurement. Jesus christ, shut up for two seconds and let Drew think (listen to the play).

Osi Uyememereroaoara is hurt.

"You've lived in these NFC East games Joe, the hitting seems so much more live"- MT
(Dead Air)

Bledsoe Interception!!!!!!!!!!!! Told you to wait for it! Just the wrong drive.

10:08- Replay of the Int. looks like he had five feet in bounds.

"I don't know how many foots you have to get in?"- JT, What!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Okay that was close to the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

10:11- "The call was fine the throw was horrible"- JT, Wow he actually blames one on the QB.

Make up your mind Joe.........seriously. And by "seriously" I mean....shut the hell up.

10:23- Mike Tirico was just completely babbling for a good 10 seconds....I have no idea what he was trying to say.

Guys who walk aways from the game at the top of their game....Jim Brown, Barry Sanders. As much as it pains me to say this.....Robert Smith (from OSU)

Elisha throws directly to Bradie James and he drops it. Just run out the clock Giants.....

Halftime 12-7 Giants, as T.O. sprints into the locker room to throw a hissy fit. See you on the flipside.

ROMO! ROMO! ROMO! ROMO! Romo is starting the 2nd half......

Jerry Jones is on the field....I think an executive decision was made there.

Hahahahahaha Romo picked on a deflection!!!!!! Gotta love those Cowboys....Week 9 collapse coming in Washington....get ready!

10:33- Mikey Strahan is playing like a beast. Joe thinks Romo is in for the rest of the game.

TD Shockey!

19-7 Giants.........ROMO! ROMO! ROMO!

WaistingCompanyTime6 said... theesman - "that was the straw...that...put him out of the ball game" I laughed out loud when he said that.

So did we all WCT6. So did we all.

10:38- "Dallas D comes in as the #1 ranked defense and the gave up 185 yards to Tiki Barber alone!"- Suzy Kolber

Hahahaha.....185! Nice Suzy....welcome back!

10:41- Tony Romo looks a little scared as he completes a lucky pass to T.O.

"Emmitt will join us later"- MT, YAY!!!!! JOY!!!!

"He has the ability and quickness to avoid the rush."- JT
"That's a play Bledsoe can't make"- TK

Great point by Tony as Joe renigs on every statement he's made about Bledsoe dating back to the preseason.

Just so I don't seem TOO biased here.....Witten was interfered with on that play.....4th down....


T.O. drops a WIDE OPEN 4th down conversion!!!!!

Jay said... God! How much would we all love to see Romo just chewing Owens' ass on the sideline. I would do it if I were him. I'd be following TO up and down the sideline yelling at him for dropping that

Yes I would pay for that.....

10:47- "We gotta ask Emmitt about Dancing with the Stars"- TK, No you don't Tony.

Great throw by Manning on a third down "send the house" blitz.....first down.

"Are you pleased as a dancer"- TK

Shut up and talk about the game please......Tiki 8 yard run....no comment.

Mike Tirico acutually calls a play......first down to Shockey.....pay no attention to the drive.....back to Emmitt.

Emmitt talks about Arizona....I don't really care.

Amazing catch by Amani Toomer........no one says anything at all. Emmitt still talking.

"Amani Toomer gain of twelve. Very methodically drive that could be a punch to the gut of Dallas"- MT, Yep Mike......this drive could be the game. Let's keep talking about Danicing with the Stars.

"What a drive here with Eli having three big completions"- MT, Thanks Mike.....Thanks for that recap.

"When Emmitt is done here I wouldn't be surprised to see him on American Idol"- TK, Not Not Not Not Not Not Funny!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shut up. God you are annoying.

Thirteen play drive so far.....and Eli scrambles down to the goalline and close to a first down.

"If the Manning had a 4x100 relay they probably would be both in it"- TK.......WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4th and inches.........

"Coaches usually don't have an idea what they want to do on third down. It looks like the Giants have an idea of the direction they want to go"- JT, YEAH.......TWO GODDAMN INCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIANTS 26-7......

I'm losing my mind over here.....I can't even keep up. Good god.

11:01- I seriously can almost not bear this crew anymore. Does everyone remember my predicition? Well we all better get used to it.

BLOW THE WHISTLE! BLOW THE WHISTLE!!!!- Tony Romo runs for his life.

Aww Lavar is out for the year. So sorry about your career.

Onto the 4th quarter.........PUT YO 4'S UP

Wow the NBA is only a week away.

11:06- T.O. slips and falls on the turf and the ball is almost intercepted.

"If you're tall your feet get out from the center of your body"- JT, What the hell are you talking about?!?!?!?!

Romo to Fasano and T.O. block no one.....

JT tries to compare the Cowboys small drive to the Bears comeback.

ROMO! ROMO! ROMO! to T.O.! T.O.! T.O!.........TD Cowboys.....and Owens plays Tennis??????

What was that? Good job Cowboys.....let's party like it's 1999.

11:15- Tony is still rambling about Owens......we fucking get it. It's only slammed down every sports fan's throat every single week. Shut up. You're not telling us anything new.

Some Dallas fan just "Raised the Roof"......come on......

Now all of a sudden Elisha is playing scared......not that I'm rooting for anyone....come on Giants!!!!!

11:22- Jerry Jones tells Michele "One L" Tafoya that it wasn't about Owens dropping the ball"....riiiiiiiiight. And it's not about Adam Archuleta sucking ass for the Skins.

3rd and 13........Romo To.........Jason Witten.....First Down.

Good throw.

"Cowboys seem to be more diversified with Romo"- TK
"Yes exactly. You have less people into block"- JT, Still think Bledsoe should be QB Joe?

Kiwanuuuuuuuuuuuuka! FROM?!?!?!?! BC. Interception. Giants Ball.

Dallas is now more confused about their QB situation than Eva Longoria is about Men to screw

11:29- RB screen to Tiki for a first down........again, best play in football.

Matt Weinert again with the QB injuries!!!!!!!! WE HAVE THE INTERNET!!!!!!!!! All of us.....and we use it too. Crazy I know.

Tony brings up the Coughlin and Shockey thing about three weeks too late.....what Tony did you run out of Devil Comparisons to Owens? I haven't heard Beelzebub yet.

Giants look to have the first, but there's a bad spot.

Feely hits the FG........29-15 Giants

I'm realing here, but I'm ready for the home stretch. I just can't believe how bad this team is. Most teams get better but this MNF crew is regressing. Just awful.

10:39- BLOW THE WHISTLE! Romo will end this game with 4 ints if he keeps this up.

"Who's your quarterback Joe"- TK
"I think you go with Tony Romo!"- JT

What?!?!?!?!?! All season you've said that Bledsoe should not be benched!!!!!!!!! You are an ass. Period.

Owens hit hard......good throw Romo!

"Spoken as a writer"- JT, to Tony K! Fight Fight!!!!!

11:42- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Kevin Dockery returns yet another Dallas pass at the goalline, but this time for a TD.

Good god.....get ready for the T.O. shit storm.

"If I was him I probably could have done better than that guy"- JT

Joe Theismann is so bad I can't even think. He flip flops so much you can't even keep up with it.

"He has to be thinking that I have to stick with this kid"- JT

I guarantee that Bledsoe starts against Carolina.

11:45- Remember what I said about the 4 Romo Ints???? Wait for it...........Wait for it.....


Romo to Patrick Crayton....WHOOO HOO! 36-21 GMen.....onside kick coming.

11:50- Onside recovered by the Giants.....

"I'm learning about what I don't know about being a broadcaster. There are a lot of people that don't know. Hopefully I can do it in a fun and accepting way.- Tiki

Oh wow! Watch how I contain this joy that Tiki is going to be a broadcaster!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:53- OH MY GOD! TIKI IS RETIRING!!!!! *******UPDATE********

Some 83 Redskins talk....ahh memories.

and that's our game........36-22, Giants are perfect in the Division (Tirico mistakenly says league)

I'm done for the night. That my friends, was the worst called game I've seen in quite some time. Words cannot even describe it. I'm out all day tomorrow, so read and then re-read this post. I'll see you as we move back into baseball tomorrow.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 5:25 PM 45 Comments Links to this post

The Ugly- Fox Baseball

Okay, I'm starting with the pregame and then working our way through the two games in Detroit. I really don't have to tell you how awful this group of folks is, so if anything you can laugh at the assinine comments (while I pull my hair out).....

The Pregame:

I don't know any other way to say this, and we know that Eric Byrnes just LOVES blogs, but the kid is on a stimulant of some kind. He does a bump before the show and then just hits on Jeannie Zelasko (who just had a kid recently) for the next 30 minutes. It's lame and kind of annoying. Kevin Kennedy is the least maddening, and when you say that....you're saying a lot.

Nothing pinpointed their confusion and lack of continuity more than when they were heading to John Cougar Mellencamp for his Chevy Song......

"When it’s all done you can cuddle up next to Kevin Kennedy”- JZ
“Kenny Rogers on quite a ride and I want to ride shotgun!!!!!!”- EB
“Tigers call Albert Pujols the alien because of the other-worldly things he
does, and with that said.........We go to John Cougar Mellencamp singing his new
hit”- JZ

for it...............

Wait.....where's John? John's not even on the

Fox Production Guy: Quick put on another JCMC song and
stat! (Network starts playing Small Town) Oh shit there he is......okay cut it.
Just seemless transition from a clueless lady, a cokehead, and a dolt. Can't stand them......onto the booth.

So why did Fox go with a three man team in the NLCS, but drop Lugo and go with a two-man for the World Series??? Your guess is as good as mine, but without actual insight the FOX booth is running on full idiocy now. Here are the quotes through the first two games:

"Here’s some good news…..Rain and Snow possibly tomorrow"- JB
"Ahhh Jingle Bells"- TMc

“When you have a hitter like that you get him in the cradle”- TMc

"Not only a great arm, but great feet work. Feet are always under him
when he throws”- TMc

"Now todd jones will try to end it, and save it, AND close it”- JB

.......and my personal favorite.........

"Pitching tonight for the Detroit Tigers: Steve Rogers"- TMc

So in a nutshell it's plain maddening. Well be around these parts tomorrow for perhaps a pseudo live-blog of Game 3, but I don't see how it could get much worse. See you for the MNF Live-Blog Tonight at around 8 pm.....until then....

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 3:36 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly- Philly Cheesesteak Edition

The Good:

Giving the nod to Jim Nantz and Phil Simms here. They are easily developing into my favorite team out there. Nantz is always spot on and I think I only hated on Simms because he was an ex-Giant. The Pit/Atl matchup was the first game of there's I've gotten this year, and for a game that was that long they did wonderful.

The Bad:

Brad Sham and Brian Balldinger are just dreadful. They would have been in the Ugly category, but we have a permanent reservation there through the World Series for our baseball friends. With that said, B & B used a Mr. Wizard esque experiment to show you how hot it was in TB on the field. The props.....a cheesesteak and a block of Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Here are some quotes:

"Cream Cheese has 1/3 less fat.”- Baldinger
"That’s going to be important today”- Brad Sham
Important for what Shammy? The players or your stupid experiment. By the way....the block of cream cheese only slightly had started to melt by the 4th quarter. Just show us the thermometer on the field and McNabb puking and we'll get it.

"A true Mail Carrier….he’ll get stronger as the day goes on”- Baldinger, ????

"What an adjustment by Paris Warren……..Is Paris Burning?"- Brad Sham, Probably not because it’s his first catch of the season.

Couple other Bad(s) over the Weekend:

"Dominique Douglas looking like Dominique Wilkins early"- Brad Nessler, he was comparing an Iowa Football receiver to a HOF Basketball player.

"Wow and Portis takes a helmet to....well you know where. He is just too big...."- Troy Aikman, Portis took a helmet to his junk and Phil Simms was trying to explain that he was too big for his team to lose him, but it didn't come out that way. Funny stuff.

"Troy Polamalu on the stop.....he just rams it up in there"- Phil Simms, not sure what he was ramming there Phil???

The Ugly:

Well the Ugly is Tim McCarver and Joe Buck (and Zelasko, Kennedy, and Byrnes)....separate post on them in an hour. Too many awfuls over two games to not give them their own post. See you in a few, and don't forget about our Live-Blog of the MNF game tonight! Boys and G-Men....be there.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 2:14 PM 4 Comments Links to this post

Hey You!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Yeah you! I'm talking to you!!! Hey.......

Joe Buck Yourself!

That's right.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 1:59 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

The Simmons Review- V.15

Okay, so I lied.....twice in fact. First lie, that I was being lazy today. Second, that I wouldn't talk about Simmons until after the Playoffs. Well, sue me....I'm going to. You know why? His running NLCS Game 7 Diary is an abomination of respectable journalism. I'm going through this quick, so keep up.

Time for Quadruple-A Game 7

1. The Title......we get it dick......you think the NL is bad. Re-used jokes are as clever as referencing the same 80s TV show every column.....wait.....

5:20 -- Just called my buddy JackO to do the "SUPPAN! PEREZ!" routine. "I'm watching Survivor," he says. "I don't have a ton of interest in a Quadruple-A Game 7." Oh. You're friends are losers and not sports fans if they don't want to watch a Game 7 of the NLCS....period.

5:22 -- With two outs in the first, Albert Pujols comes up to a round of boos. Win or lose, he has been the breakout star of this playoffs as everyone collectively realized that he's kind of a jerk. Barry Bonds, move on over! There's a new sheriff in Jerk Town! Umm why is that again? Can we have an explanation please? If it's the Glavine comment that's just retarded.

5:22, 5:34, 5:25.....Nice timeline douche.

5:28 -- This seems like a good time to mention a story I told in my book -- back in 2003, when the Red Sox acquired Suppan, we watched him stink it up for a few weeks, followed by me angrily calling Gus (who was producing "Baseball Tonight") to scold him for not telling me that Suppan sucked, followed by Gus laughing, "I thought you knew!" Holly"fuckin"wood!!!

6:10 -- Leading off the third, David Eckstein rips a 3-2 pitch down the left-field line for a double. You know what Fox? You can show me every conceivable stat to prove how much Oliver Perez sucks, but I'll settle for this one: David Eckstein just ripped a double down the left field line. Let's see...where do I start with this one. Eck has always gotten doubles off of bad pitchers: 18 doubles in 2006...the picthers? Wheeler, Snell, Paronto, Capellan, Buchholz, Denny Bautista, Chad Bradford, and Vargas.

Oh wait I forgot some.....Roy Oswalt, Ben Sheets, Kenny Rogers, Freddy Garcia, Chris Capuano, Jake Peavy, Zach Duke, Doug Davis.....and hey!!!! Oliver Perez. Great research Simmons.

6:44 -- Suppan bounces a pitch in front of home plate that hits Valentin in the face. That's quickly followed by Endy Chavez stranding two runners to end the inning. This is terrible. I feel like I'm sitting in the stands watching one of my neighbor's kids playing in a Babe Ruth game. Can we all agree that this game can never be shown on ESPN Classic, no matter how it ends? Umm, sure.....great pitching games won by a two run homer in the ninth shouldn't be shown on ESPN Classic. Are you sure you're a Sports Fan?

6:47 -- Wait, another stingray attack? Yikes. I think the stingrays are furious that we haven't respected them enough to name a professional sports team after them. Now they're taking it out on us. And frankly, I don't blame them. If this is a joke it's not funny, but....ummm.....The Devil Rays are in your fabulous American League East Bill. You know the ones with a logo of a stingray????

6:54 -- Guess which one of the following three things McCarver did NOT say in the past three minutes:

  1. "Nothing in baseball can quiet a crowd like good pitching."
  2. "Well, David Eckstein, like most of us, has 20 digits. Ten fingers, ten toes."
  3. "Joe, you haven't truly lived until you've had an enema."
(Note: it was No. 3. But you had to think about it for second, right?)
If you want to steal my schtick that's cool, but at least try to be funny when you do it.

7:13 -- Poor Suppan ... he has been mixing his fastballs and pitching great ... now he just loaded the bases on a one-out walk, a throwing error and then LaRussa (incredibly!) electing to walk the late Shawn Green to load the bases. I thought LaRussa was a genius? Would Albert Einstein have walked Green with one out? What about Stephen Hawking? I say no. Tony LaRussa just lost the Cards this series. I'm writing it down right now. Just shut the hell up please.

8:43 -- Or, maybe not. Wainwright just snuck a 0-2 deuce past Beltran to end the series. Wow. I mean ... wow. Has a dramatic playoff game ever ended with the best player on the better team striking out looking? That couldn't have been more anticlimactic. It's not possible. Congrats to the Cards fans -- that's a great win. Even if they almost killed you in the process. Really?!?!?!?!?! That was anti-climactic?!?!?!?!?! You are pompous ass. That curve ball was filthy. But wait you're right.....2 outs in the ninth....down two....bases loaded....and your best player at bat. Yep, that WAS f'ing boring.

I'm not even rating these things anymore because they are just putrid. If you are going to write on National League Baseball just do some research. Don't you have an editor??? I've never wanted the Cardinals to win more, so he just shuts the F up.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:12 AM 17 Comments Links to this post

Game 7 Redux

So I don't think I want to cheapen a wonderful Game 7 by making fun of Tim McCarver today. Consider myself in a loving mood. I will tell all of the kids this though....

Everytime Yadier homers another Baby Molina is Born
So we got that going for us.....which is nice.

This is fair warning that I am being extremely lazy today, so here is a video for your weekend. Any of you young bucks remember SNES? Well then you most certainly remember Monday Night Football. Well check out this clip, and tell me that the Oilers' RBs didn't run at "Ludicrous Speed"

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:07 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Links of an Angel

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Okay I warn you ahead of time that this is going to be bad.....but I couldn't resist.....

Linky why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud

Well, my link's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we've never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It Sounds So Sweet!
Coming from the Links of an Angel
Reading those links it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But link you make it hard to be faithful
With the Links of an Angggggggggeeeeeeeellllllllll.
God damn I make myself laugh...and that's all that matters right? Onto the Links!!!!

Scoopwatch on another Scoop Jackson debacle.

Hoops Addict reviews NBA 2K7.

Mister Irrelevant says how I feel as a Redskins Fan.

Sportszilla on John Maine and such.

ThunderMatt with an article that I didn't really understand, but it made me laugh out loud.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:17 AM 2 Comments Links to this post

Joe, Joe, Joe's Gonna Shine!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Do you ever come across something from another blog that was so awesome you wish you had wrote/found it? (My first was MJD's letter from Mark Cuban's Cheetah) Well Saved By The Blog has the most beautiful video on our man Joey T. i've ever heard. Tear*

The Ballad of Joe Theismann (Saved By The Blog)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 5:01 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

There's Your Sign- #3

Cardinals fans are very clever!

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 4:11 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Your NLCS Game 5 Quiz

So what happens when your f'ing cable goes out during Game 5 of the NLCS in the 5th inning? And you can barely get FOX on your tiny little coat-hangered television???? Well you flip it to DC20 and watch a rerun of That 70s show.

(It was the episode where Red leaves town and Eric takes out his Corvette to impress some chick.)

Well without further ado.....I bring you The NLCS Game 5/That 70s Show Quotes Quiz Sponsored by Comcast Cable (bastards!). That's right folks it's The NG5T7SQQSBCC!!!!!!! It's a multiple choice test that will test your knowledge of two of America's Greatest Institutions.....baseball and television. Let's get into it! (Hint: Baseball questions from the first 5 innings/That 70s Show from the last 4 innings)

Question #1- David Wright's Favorite Movie Is.....

A. Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
B. Braveheart
C. Tom Emanski's Instructional Videos
D. Beaches

Question #2- Who said the following quote....."You wouldn't care what kind of Girl he likes! You're only DATING him!"

A. Donna
B. Jackie
C. So Taguchi
D. Joe Buck

Question #3- Who said the following quote....."One of the reasons he's succesful is because his ball is tightly wrapped."

A. Kelso
B. Hyde
C. Fez
D. Tim McCarver

Question #4- Finish this Joe Buck Quote....."Here the Mets with a single, a double, and a ____"

A. Triple
B. Kiss to Build A Dream On
C. Blunt
D. Chance

Question #5- Who said the following quote....."Ohhhhh she's THAT Girl....I know that Girl....stay away from THAT girl!"

A. Red
B. Tony LaRussa
C. Endy Chavez
D. Luis Gonzalez

Question #6- Which "That 70s Show" Star designed his own hat for New Era? (A Long Island, N.Y., native, ______ had the cap embroidered on the front left side with the initials "LI." The cap's rear embroidery is a silhouette of Long Island with its nickname "Strong Island" emblazoned across it. On the right side, the cap bears a shamrock logo, reflecting ______'s affinity for Ireland. A portion of _______'s cap proceeds will go to the Citizens Commission on Human Rights.)

A. Eric
B. Fez
C. Hyde
D. Kelso

Question #7- Which online reviewer said the following quote at IMDB, " If TV was a baseball league, this show would have a perfect record! With an excellent cast, and a perfect plot, this show gave 8 amazing seasons and a great joy to TV after dinner."

A. Pepper Anne
B. Jethro9834
C. Goggyjdz
D. iheartjosereyes2944

Question #8- Who actually provided some insight in yesterday's game (rather than try to make ridiculous analogies) with this quote, "All the cardinals pitchers are establishing that inside part of the plate this game unlike the previous four games."

A. Joe Buck
B. Tim McCarver
C. Luke Wilson
D. Luis Gonzalez

Question #9- Fill in the blanks of this Joe Buck Quote....."______ is a good young personality to build a baseball team around."

A. Tommy Chong
B. Wilmer Valderama
C. Ashton Kutcher
D. David Wright

Question #10- Who said the following quote....."Just like if a receiver comes in and is going to receive a pass in your area……if you see a squeeze coming you throw at the batter."

A. Tim McCarver
B. Tim McCarver
C. Tim McCarver
D. All of the Above

Answers: B, B, D, D, A, C, C, D, D, D

Did you get a perfect score? Good for you! Hopefully you got to watch the entire game static free. And tonight hopefully my cable's back, I get a clear picture, and maybe I can have Joe Buck teach me how to build a team with personality rather than talent. I'm sure that's why the Mets drafted Wright.

IMDB Comments

New Era Hat Article

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 9:45 AM 0 Comments Links to this post


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

So we have our first official T-shirt available for the minimal price of $17.90. Now we know that $17.90 is a lot for an extra large shirt (it's the price Spreadshirt quoted us), but we figured if maybe three people buy the thing (Mom, Dad, Girlfriend) that's worth about as many viewers as a link at Deadspin or The Big Lead.

We also think it's time to Free Harold Reynolds from purgatory. You wear this beautiful Seattle Mariners Blue and Gold thing (complete with Harold's #4) and the "Powers that Be" WILL notice! Trust me.

Look I'm a rookie at this thing....the shirt is ugly.....it's just words and a number.....But you love me right? Well love me for $17.90 and you can have anything you want.....Anything? Yes, Anything.

So Click Here or click the giant logo in the sidebar, and get your shop on!

I don't even know if I make money of of this, but if it's anything I will most likely donate it (so it's for a good cause as well). More shirts to come when I finally learn this graphics crap. Stay Tuned.



Posted by Awful Announcing- at 4:51 PM 3 Comments Links to this post

On Third (and hopefully final) Thought

Okay so I've flip-flopped on this Tony Kornheiser thing more times than John Kerry (2004 Election Joke.....BAM!), so I need to come to some conclusion here. My initial thought would be that I should instantly defend him because he's from DC and I've read him for years. I've enjoyed him most of the time over that span, and knew that I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Well you know what? That's B.S. I can't give him preferential treatment for any reason so here we go.....Tony Kornheiser sucks in the booth, and I'm going to tell you why. But first some of my previous Tony points to consider

1st Post-MNF Announcing Preview

  • As far as the booth....He wasn't that bad. Yes there was a Seinfeld joke in the first two minutes, but he settled into the groove. I liked that he called Theisman out on his ridiculousness, and it seems that this team is going to hinge on that relationship.
2nd Post- On Second Thought
  • Also, I've come to a realization. Tony Kornheiser is not funny without Wilbon. He had two of the worst jokes that I've ever heard (yes, even worse than Dennis Miller).
    1) "It's 5,000 Degrees out here......It's Indonesia Hot!"- TK 2) "Oh he's talking to the Coordinator? I thought he was ordering a pizza."- TK. (More on this later, but Tony just isn't funny off the cuff. It's a tough thing to do, but you have to be able to do so in that position.)
  • I just don't see it working out. Joe Theisman isn't clever enough to keep of with Kornheiser, and Tony isn't good enough without the conflict (and Mike Tirico is asleep the whole time).
Now that we've established that.....let's move on. On Thursday the 12th I (and some DCers) were privileged to listen to a Joe Theismann interview on The Don and Mike Show (a nationally syndicated talk show that runs in the afternoons here). Joe was actually pretty good and relatively funny. I like Joe (he is a Redskin) and he seems like a likeable guy, but that's not the issue.
From the interview: (Transcript Here) "Now Don starts asking about Tony Kornheiser, he thinks that Tony is intimidated by Joe. Joe thinks that people tune into Monday Night Football for the great games. Joe says that Tony will be doing his sixth real broadcast...and he is still trying to find his way. Joe thinks that the viewers would grow tired of the two of them bickering real quick. Joe says, stay tuned, it is a long season, and this will come eventually. Joe says that the dynamic of the booth is developing."
Well sorry Joseph, but you are wrong (and still a horrible announcer). The dynamic of the booth is not developing and that's a problem. Here's my new theory.....wait for it.....wait for it!

Tony came into this situation thinking he was going to purposely "ruffle some feathers". Well now that he's actually getting along with everyone he's afraid to call them out. That's why instead of saying things during the broadcast he waits to use his "revisionist history" in his column.....which isn't working either.

Also, Tony just isn't funny. He's too old and his humor is old as well. On top of that (if that weren't already enough) his "monologue" at the beginning of every game seems like he's just reading an old column he wrote in 2003. The New Orleans one was beautiful, but that had social issues attached.....when he waxes poetic about the plight of the Cardinals I want to change the channel.

During the game he just talks in Whatifs and Generalizations. He barely talked the entire second half, but when he did all he said was "What if the Cardinals lose this game?" Here are some quotes from yesterday's game:
"Matt Leinart of the Phoenix Cardinals." Not a joke just wanted to show his age.
"If the Cardinals can’t close this one out……close this place and make it a pizza haven.” Seriously, What the hell is a Pizza Haven?
"He looks like the kid from Entourage Vinny Chase”- TK on Matt Leinart. First of all Tony hasn't been up that late since he was in college. He's never even seen the show. Second, they don't look anything alike. He's grasping.

So what have we figured out? I can tell you exactly how this is going to play out. Like I said last night they have lucked out by the schedule of games so far (Dallas/NYG next week). Every game has had either a subplot or was good enough to keep you interested long enough. Well all hell's going to break loose in Weeks 8-12. You have the following games.....NE/MIN, OAK/SEA, TB/CAR, NG/JAX, GB/SEA. Most likely that will be Low Scoring Game, Blowout, Low Scoring Game, Low Scoring Game, Blowout.

(Unlike Sunday Night Football....MNF doesn't have the cushion of a flex schedule.)

Those 5 weeks are when the producers will tell the two to "Mix it up", but no one will be watching. They will perfect this horrible "bickering" into such an annoyance that in weeks 13-15 (CAR/PHI, CHI/STL, CIN/INDY) everyone will want them to shut up and just comment on the game. Leading to the apocalypse on X-Mas night........J-E-T-S. JETS JETS JETS at MIAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoooo!

Either way I'll be watching (and live-blogging...no more nights off) every monstrosity. But Hey, I guess it could be worse.....

or we could still be listening to this guy......

UPDATE: The Big Lead has more Tony stuff as well.....be sure to check it out.

This Is A Debacle. (The Big Lead)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:55 PM 11 Comments Links to this post

The Verbal Felating of Matt Leinart

So last night was crazy....we established that. But if you've watched any football over the past 15 years you could have seen it coming. It's tough to be a Cardinals fan....especially when the only things you've really had to celebrate is knocking the Vikings out of the playoffs in 2003, and one playoff win in 1998. Just a tough life if you're Cards Fan......onto the announcing.

We got a ton of comments after the post last night and I wanted to share a couple in this space because all are spot on.....

Karl said... I know it's been said many times and many ways, but it's hard to listen to Theismann, Berman, Irvin...who else to add to this list? i.e. Berman's use of lyrics "mama said there would be days like these" in postgame coverage (he thinks he is the focus), Theismann's double talk (i don't like the play calling, i like the play calling that only depends on if the play worked or not)

Karl's right Berman is the equivalent of the really smart girl in your 5th grade class. You've been doing multiplication for 3 years now and you get it. But while the rest of the class figured out that they can doodle or pass notes this annoyance is raising her hand every five frickin' seconds. Look at me! Look at me! Yea you'll be home schooled in high school.....good luck in college.

As far as Theeeeesman....well, that's just Joe being Joe.

Point 23 said...Was I the only one who couldn't believe Theisman *repeatedly* praising the Arizona offensive line? What the hell was he looking at? Any idea?

Edgerrin James got hit 14 times for either no gain or a loss and a handful of 1 and 2 yard runs. If you throw out his 12 yard run - which was all him; his blockers did nothing while he shed about 14 tackles - he averaged 1.2 yard per carry.

Good Lord, Thiesmann, how do you not see this? When the AZ right guard completely blew his assignment and let Leinart get destroyed for Chicago's first TD, he barely batted an eye. They were mildly better in pass protection, but I would be stunned if Leinart took more seven step drops than three or five step drops - there just wasn't any time.

That o-line got totally owned and Theisman sang their praises all night. And I don't know what was worse: Theisman blindly rambling on about a complete inaccuracy or neither Kornheiser or Tirico calling him on it.

Another great great point. And do you know the reason for this? He was a QB not a Running Back. In his eyes, when the O-Line gives up a sack, it's their fault (see Lawrence Taylor).....when the RB gets tackled in the backfield....it's the RBs fault (he didn't hit the whole hard enough). But the fact that he didn't even mention Mark Anderson coming through the line untouched is the reason people can't stand him.

From Josh at acruRadio: TIRICO (to Gnarles Barkley): This is a big deal. This stadium, this franchise. You're out here a bunch, obviously; YOU STARTED WITH THE SUNS.

Okay.....we all make mistakes (except for me). But how does he F something up every week?!?! The Philly thing saying Ben Franklin was on the top of City Hall is one thing. That's a city's history. But how do you not know that Charles Barkley started with the 76ers? That's inexcusable in my book.

And Finally......

Mike Patrick Sucks said...I've never seen an announcing team focus so much on a single player as they did on Matt Leinart late in that game..

Tony K was openly rooting for Leinart, and trying to convince everyone watching that we should be too, as if it would be some wonderful feel good story..

Fucking Leinart went 37-2 at USC, won 2 national titles, a Heisman, can plow any chick he wants.. WHY THE HELL SHOULD I BE ROOTING FOR HIM!

Not only was it late in the game it was the entire thing. He was Mic'd up....he introduced the Offense, and Michele Tafoya had a 40 minute piece on him in the opening. I don't think I've ever seen someone get that fellated as a rookie (let alone their first nationally televised game)....not Mike Vick, not Michael Jordan.....maybe Lebron......but come on.

A few other notes & questions: Charles Barkley was better than every person in that booth last night. The highlight of the camera work was showing the crowd before the game and a 15 year old kid flicking off the Bears as they came on the field. Joe T doing multiple highlights is worse than Terry Bradshaw doing multiple highlights. Arizona fans are ugly (sorry...it's true). If you think Mike Tirico saying "Monday Night is Neil Rackers and his Wife's Date night" before his kick didn't jinx him....then you are not a man. And finally, how is Jay-Z having a "Comeback" when he has been touring in Europe the whole time?

Crazy, fun, and devastating game. I wouldn't be surprised if the Bears went undefeated now. Back later with yet another view on Tony Kornheiser alone....I know you can't wait. See you then.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:30 AM 1 Comments Links to this post

Holy Cow!

Monday, October 16, 2006

This has to be the craziest MNF game I've watched and you know what? I called it. I wasn't live-blogging tonight instead I was checking out the Mighty MJD's Live-blog (Here) and taking the night off (great f'ing idea to take a night off right?). Well at the start of the 3rd and the start of the 4th I said the Bears were tying it up. Well they are winning now.

Well not only does Tony Kornhole suck (more on this tomorrow), but how has EVERY MNF game this year been pretty exciting. Even the Denver/Baltimore game was if you like hard-hitting defense. Don't know if they'll win it, but this team is sick. And Brian Urlacher? He took over this game.

P.S.- Jay-Z is overrated as his girlfriend now. That video SUCKED.

Game Bears.

(Update: Holy shit! I don't curse that often, but Holy Shit. Neil Rackers chokes away a great drive by Matt Leinart. I cannot believe this game.)

(Update #2: Edge had 36 carries 55 yards. Brian Urlacher is the linebacker that Lavar Arrington wishes he was.)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:59 PM 5 Comments Links to this post

Update on Mr. Lamar Thomas

Update!!!! Comcast Sports Southeast is taking action during their replay of Saturday's game. Now this is how you respond to these matters!!! (Just kidding)......Miami Replay to Air

(Thanks to Boston Barry for the tip)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 3:39 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

Update on "Luis Pujols"

In a Tim McCarver post (here) I noted that he called Albert Pujols...Luis Pujols. After great research by reader HamdenBorn we've found the "Real" Albert Pujols. I can understand how he got confused....not really.

Luis Pujols

.239 is not a good average, but backing up Andy Ashby is something to write home about.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:28 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly- You Don't Come in the OB!

The Good:

The Good nod for this weekend is going to Thom Brennaman. Not because he is a great announcer (he isn't) but just because he isn't Joe Buck. It's a shame that the Tigers swept the A's in my opinion.

The Bad:

You all know how I feel about sideline reporters, but in the grand scheme of them Lisa Salters isn't that bad. Anywho, Lisa used to play basketball at Penn State and during the broadcast of the Michigan/PSU game she threw out this little guy (this little guy? don't worry about this little guy.) She was asked about the new Basketball center on Penn State and her playing career.....

"Lisa was a player at Penn State and a pretty good one at that" "Oh no guys.....I didn't get much action in college."- LS
That struck me as funny basically because I have the humor of a 12 year old.

The Ugly:

Honorable Mention: Steve Lyons

Hands down goes to Lamar Thomas. He is (hopefully was) the color guy for Miami Football games along with Jason Solodkin on the lead. Well all of you have seen the Miami/FIU brawl, but have you seen it from the Miami feed??? Just plain awful....this is why people have no respect for Miami Football. The fun starts at 1:47....enjoy. Two of my favorite quotes....
"You Don't come into the OB Playing that stuff! You across the Ocean!!!" Oh the Florida Ocean....forgot about that one.
"I was about to go down the elevator and get in that thing!" Riiiiiight. You do that Lamar.
Well let's hope that he's fired and all players involved are suspended for a year (which the won't be). And you wonder why Steve Spurrier had problems with discipline when he coached the Miami Redskins?

(Update!!!! Comcast Sports Southeast is taking action during their replay of Saturday's game. Now this is how you respond to these matters!!! (Just kidding)......Miami Replay to Air)

(Update #2!!!! Yes I know that this is the first non-Simmons ESPN story I've linked in awhile, but I swear it was sent to me....I didn't go to the site.)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 9:20 AM 5 Comments Links to this post