Monday, October 30, 2006
Great band name, but an even better live-blog. Be there tonight as the New England Bradys head into Minnesota to battle the Minnesota (Insert: Sex Boat Joke Here) s. We'll be starting circa 8pm so be there.
In case you weren't already aware....check this: Belichick's Son Arrested for Pot
So Ed Werder's already made the first mistake.....talking about Chester Taylor he stated, "If Taylor gets 139 carries tonight......"
If Taylor gets 139 carries tonight at his 4.3 ypc......that would be 598 yards. I think that'd be a record or something.
Over/Under on the number of times the term "Two-Headed Monster" is used to describe Maroney and Dillon..........49.
8:29- Lead Pipe Lock Standings???? What does that even mean?
Berman thinks the key to the game is the TE Battle......IT'S WATSON.......IT'S WIGGINS........IT'S MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!!!!!
(sorry couldn't help it)
8:31- Oh Paris baby........are you ready for some football?
8:34- "It's very purple and very loud"- MT, that's what she said.......hey yo!
Tony K's Cliff Notes:
-Making the case for Tom Brady
-Not the best QB statstically
-No QB in the Superbowl Era is equal to him
-Bill Bel is homeless
-Like Bogey in Casablanca, Like Jim Bauer
-He's got a hot girlfriend
Joey T's Cliff Notes:
-Minnesota has good D
-They want to put the ball in Tom Brady's hands
-Not sure if that's what they should do.
Suzy K's Cliff Notes:
-NE Defense gets in your head
-Hit Taylor Early
Michele T's Cliff Notes:
-Patriots Defense has weird stuff
-Lot of looks
-Instead of throwing to landmarks Johnson will go directly to receivers.
8:40- All my rowdy friends are here are yours???? Gametime.
"Ryan Longwell will kick it and that's one of the story lines for tonight."- MT, ummm really?
Billy is wearing a cutoff sweatshirt?!?!?!?!?! Wow. That's my former highschool....Annapolis Senior Highschool for you.
8:44- It is loud as hell in the HHH tonight. Matt Light Intros the offense as the Bearded Ones.
Oh!!!! One thing I completely forgot about......Halloween customes in the stands. The slutty cat is there......nice.
Brady has a fortnight to throw a rope to Gabriel for ____ yards. (The booth doesn't tell us).
Winfield on the Vikings D.
"That was a rocket ship"- JT, on Brady's pass to Dougie Fresh......let's start the fellating!!!!!!
8:48- "Right now the Vikings look like #401 against the pass right now"- TK, Good one.
Wow that was quick Brady to Reche........
Joe actually had a good point (yes, I'm going to say it) that the Vikings D is #1 against the rush....so why pass?
8:53- Okay those VW commercials where the cars come out of nowhere scare me.
Damn Wiggins and Watson both have a catch.....Berman was right!!!!!!!
McKinnie on the Vikes Offense......how many Ex-Ravens to the Vikings have.......
HOLY COW!!!! BRAD JOHNSON IS WEARING A GLOVE........SOMEONE CALL DANNY WOEFUL!!!!!!!
Rodney Harrison on the D for the Pats.
8:57- Why run the ball? Taylor stopped for zippy twice in a row.
Billy McMullen?????? What's up UVA!
Vikings Punt......say it Tony.............SAY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "This game is over"- TK
Okay he didn't say it but he wanted to just so he could jinx another team.
9:03- "We don't know Tom Brady the way we know Peyton, Vick, or McNabb"- TK
WE DON'T!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Come on Tony.....you have lost it.
Brady Picked by Sharper.
9:07- Brad Johnson into triple coverage and every NE player runs into each other and the ball falls to the ground.
Rodney Harrison hits people hard.....period.
How did Bradley get out of that one...... Tony Rich!!!!! What!
"All I want to do is hit Linebackers in the mouth"- Tony Richardson
Only Charlie Frye makes less money as a starter than Brad Johnson. That's crazy.
"Most guys his age are getting AARP benefits"- TK on Johnson, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA......not funny.
Artrose Pinner?! Seriously how are the Vikings above .500?????
And..........Johnson Picked at the Goalline. White Stripes to commercial!!!
9:13- Gabriel looks like a stud early......good work Oakland.
1st quarter over.....7-0 Pats.
9:19- And....White Stripes coming back in.....at least it's a new song. Er, maybe not.
Ben Watson for 40 yards......even the sun shines on Berman's ass every once and awhile.
Tony K explains his previous comment about Brady by saying that he meant he wasn't in a lot of commercials..........get out of my head ESPN. It's almost like they're reading this right now....hmmm?
"Unless your tackling them you have to let them go"- JT
"Or if you are dancing with them"- TK
"Dancing with the Stars"- JT
"That was last week Joe"- TK
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Oh man you guys......whooooo. Com-E-dy.
9:22- "Brady slid from side to side like he was playing on clay at the French Open"- TK, Good god.......terrible.
UPDATE: Normally we take a break at halftime, but today we're switching over to Friday Night Lights if you'd like to join us.
9:29- "I believe the sport of curling started in Scotland"- MT
"I use a broom..at home"- JT
Wait.....what? Was that banter????
Colvin with a heck of a hit.
I wasn't exactly paying attention but I think Joe just used the term Diggery Doo.
Brad Johnson.......Picked again.
"Those are two of the worst decisions i've seen him make in I don't know how long"- JT
Enough with the White Stripes.....change the song at least.
9:35- Jabar Gafney…….who is on the Pats, but should be on the Vikings
“At what point do you start to lose if you continue to take away talent from Tom Brady?- TK
“You don’t do that to someone like Tom Brady…..or someone like Peyton Manning.”- JT
Jesus Christ……what is he even thinking in his head?
“I think it’s sweet that we are going to be in Sausage races and our heads will be that big. Joe your head is always that big.”- TK
Sorry.....Blogger went down there for a bit. And so did ESPN there for a second.
9:42- Damn I don't know if I can skip this sausage race.......screw FNL ESPN f'ing hooked me. Damn the Leader.
NBA is coming.....by the way AA's NBA Announcing Preview will be up tomorrow. Be there.
9:47- Wow......Maroney is a stud. Can't say I didn't predict it.
Am I drunk or are they talking WAAAAAAAAY too fast??? I can't keep up.
"Minnesota plays for the Little Brown Jug"- MT, to Tony K. after Tony brought up Paul Bunyan's Axe.
Umm yes, but they also play Wisconsin for the damn axe Tirico. UGH!
9:57- Tony gets a question about players covering their mouths.
"I'm convinced Bill has an endorsement deal with Homeless Shelters"- TK, That's just extremely tacky and unfunny. Seriously, how do you make a joke about the homeless problem. Should have said it in New Orleans you fucktard.
TD New England....17-0.
10:00- Oh god these customes are scary. Can someone say nightmares.
Mike Tirico takes off his giant head.
"Someone understand how I feel after doing a game with you two"- MT, Now THAT'S funny!!! Take note Tony.
Halftime 17-0 New England. Down to Chris Berman........Steve Young has the Irvin mask on and is going crazy with his arms.....funny.
Shut up Berman. Fastest 3 minutes. GO! WHooP!
ANNOUNCER RACE WHEN WE RETURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whoa Log Choppers at Halftime!
Contestants: Berman, Irvin (booooo!), Tom Jackson, Tony K (booo!), Joey T. (Boooo!), Mike Tirico (cheers), Steve Young (Cheers)
Mikey T. out early......Steve Young takes the lead........Mike Tirico Falls!!!!
And Steve Young Wins......so F'ing Anti-climatic I can't even believe it.
"The Promotion of it all"- Steve Young, Ha!
"Tom Brady in custome or out of custome he has 257 yards"- Chris Berman
(distracted much Berman??? Those customes suck. I'm weighing in now)
10:19- You think I want your job.....you're Damn Right I do......FNL.
So "What About Brian is On"......that's an option.
"Old guy on Old Guy"- MT, That's just nasty Michael.
"On the day he retired or graduated or whatever he said"-TK on Seau, Way to know the quotes of the guy you're commenting on Tony.
10:25- Watching Friday Night Lights instead of the game. Sorry the ADD is kicking in.
The Hot Cheerleader is sleeping with the Paralyzed Guy's Best Friend.......so, umm, that's good.
17-7.......Mewelde Moore on the Punt Return. That's why I love two tvs.
"Hey check it out.....Amy Jo Johnson is on What About Brian"- Roommate
"Who is Amy Jo Johnson?"- Me
"The Pink Power Ranger."-Roommate
It's Pep Rally Time in Dillon Folks! "We own the fourth quarter"- Coach
Dillon is going on the road and the Panthers are starting Voodoo.......Drama!
New England scores......24-7. Brady to Brown.
The fullback finally goes and sees his crippled friend, but he's still sleeping with his girlfriend.
"The are using the play action because Chester Taylor has run the ball well"- JT, Yes Joe.....20 yards on 9 carries is running the ball well. Great stuff.
10:47- The slutty girl jumps the business man's bones in FNL.....cue the Classic Rock.
Voodoo stiff arms 17 defensive players and gets a TD for Dillon.
ROCK MUSIC! Defensive hits.......defensive hits.
Voodoo is calling his own plays now......Coach Tatum is pissed. Ball picked and Sarenson is the QB!
TD!!!! Dillon Panthers!!!!!!!!! Coach Tatum is going for two!
10:50- And Dillon Wins It!!!!!! And the fullback and cheerleader exchange a glance......
Meanwhile.....back in "Double Headed Dildo Land".......
"New England is challenging the ruling on da da da field fumble"- The ref (Larry Nemers I think)
"He's knees were in Smoot's chest"- JT, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!
10:54- The Whore is given Breakfast by the Investment Banker.....
"I thought you'd stay if I f'ed you"- Roommate on the slut in FNL.
Awkward......Whore cries. It's a vicious cycle.
RECRUITING VIOLATIONS!!!!!!!!!!! Clear Eyes.......Full Heart.......Can't LOSE!
11:08- Brad Johnson avoids a tackle and then............he throws a pick. Whoo this game is awesome!
In case you're checking Yahoo! Fantasy is down due to the fact the entire New England area is checking their 1-5 Fantasy Team for Brady's stats right now.
11:19- I'm fading fast, but ESPN's use of the White Stripes isn't! That's good to know.
P.S.- Brooks Bollinger is in for the Vikes......so they've got that going for them.
P.S.S.- There's still an ENTIRE QUARTER left in this game........shoot me now.
11:24- And Heath Evans runs the ball for _______ yards. Yep, you guessed it.
Evans 35 yard run..........Thanks Mike.
4th and 5.....Brady sacked and Fumbles!!!! But the Golden Boy is saved by his Offensive Line again.
NEXT WEEK: Seattle and Oakland...........JOY!!!!
11:34- Michele Tafoya messes up the tongue twister "Bowling Alley Outing". Tough stuff actually.
Tony gives us a report that Childress is trying to "change the culture"......good report........7 months ago.
6 minutes left and the Vikings are using the offense they should have used from the start. Including runs and screens.....always good when you're trying to save clock.
When talking about the Vikings issues (apparently they have some) Joe's advice.........
"You have to go out and get a Quarterback you can have for ten years"...........
"Brad Johnson is seeking an extension and I think he deserves the money"- 1st quarter Joe Theismann.
It doesn't matter what the game......what the quarter.......Joe is GOING to contradict himself somehow.
11:40- If I was Tony I'd just start drinking in the booth. Think about it.....you can't be any worse. Joe maddens you to no end, but you can't say anything. And your own Washington Post counterparts are tearing you to shreds.
Solution: Just go Howard Cosell on them all.
"If you can say there's a bright spot you can say it's Mewelde Moore"- JT, Umm yeah.....he has the only Vikings TD.
"Piling up my Fantasy Yards"- TK
"America hanging on that result Tony"- MT
Mike Tirico is the only bright spot about this team and I think he's continually dragged down by Team Douchebag.
"I see glitter on Tom Brady's shirt and I think I'm falling in Love"- TK
"Mercifully Week 8 of the NFL season is over."- MT
And there you have it. Another MNF game in the bag. Mike Tirico rags on Tony.....and right into SportsCenter.
Boring game in all......but we got to see the halftime announcer race AND FNL.....Joy! NBA Announcer preview tomorrow. See you then. Let the verbal fellating of the Patriots began (seriously though....has it ever really stopped?)