Jim: Tommy, I can't wait, I can't believe we're going to do it.

Tom: I know, Andrea Kremer will be here tonight as well.

"Honestly Jim, it really is better than holding my son...whatever his name is."

Jim: I voted for you as sexiest female athlete.

hey look...they carved a little metal video camera on here!

Viewers were treated to a touching rendition of "If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right," by Jim Nantz after yesterday's AFC Championship Game.

Uh Oh I think Laurence just got a little bit of his wad on the trophy.

Maroney: Typical fuckin Boston, I bail Brady's sorry ass out all game yet who's front and center for the trophy presentation? Fuckin Whitey.

Me and Simms need a third. You down?

It's nice Jim, but isn't a ring more customary. I'm an old-fashioned kind of girl.

I'm so banging the shit out of this thing tonight.

Brady: "Well, Nantzyboy, the folks who list in the live threads at awfulannouncing.com want me, on behalf of them, to say "Fuck you, asshole."

P.S. - I'm still horny (Billy Madison)

I love you Tom, my heart is so proud of you right now honey. God you are so cute. Look at you. This is heaven Tom, pure heaven. I am so glad for you Tom, this is so wonderful.

Ahh, Tom, I can think of a few ways that you, I and a bag of golf clubs can spend some quality time together.

I will give your balls a good swabbing.

Hello friend

"What's it like winning the award for Luckiest Man in the World for the third year in a row?"

"I know it's a little late, but when I saw this trophy, I just thought, yeah, I'm getting this for Tom and Bridgette's baby, this is way better than a stupid bassinet..."

Tom, don't ignore me, you can't. I have such strong feelings for you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. We can eat at the CBS Experience together, go out on the town and express our love for each other.

Tom, I'm in the process of having Rory Sabbatini kill my wife, just for you, so we can spend time together and nest.

It was at this point in time that Tom's teammates realized that he truly was in this only for the spoils; twangs of jealousy and heartbreak snapped in their hearts like broken guitar strings as they watch their quarterback accept trophies and offers for sex on national television.

"I present you the Jim Nantz trophy for being super cute"

Jim (to self): This Brady fits the bill ... no, no, no. How about 'When it comes to championships, for Brady they come in bunches.' Yeah, I'll go with that one.

At least I have the satisfaction of knowing, when I blow my load all over this after it's been in my rectum for hours, it won't sue me for child support. And neither will the trophy.

"You can take your thumb out of my ass any time now, Carmine."

Nantz (softly): You know Tom, I'm over in room 203 at the Mariott. You know, if your not doing anything later...

Congrats on impregnating Gisele, Tommy Boy! Who's the next lucky gal? Or can I get in some action too?!!

"I would like to remind you all that next week, the PGA returns to CBS with the Buick Invitational."--Nantz

Nantz: "Congratualations, Tom, on winning this trophy again! (In a stage whisper): There's a gift receipt taped to the bottom, Macy's will take it back, no questions asked."

Jim, really? You're really trying to pass this gift off on me again?

Did you see how I dressed that simple rube Simms tonight? That was funny, huh.

Kiss me.

just between you and me I'm gonna choke the superbowl game just to piss off Bill Simmons

Trade my Lamar Hunt Trophy for your Gisele-approved scarf? Done!

You see Tom this is what it would be like to hold your own illegitimate child, who you never see and only pay for.

So, Tom's Penis... How does it feel to be named Most Outstanding Play-A, Yoooooo?

I'm sorry Mr. Nantz, but I respectfully disagree....wristbands are cool.

I'm kinda going for a "Zack from 'Paradise Hotel'" thing.

"Easy, Nantz, don't make me activate the self-destruct sequence on my Predator arm band."

Hey Tom, I negotiating a one-game contract with Fox so I can broadcast the Super Bowl...and verbally fellate you to no end.

Jim: How does it feel Tom ?
Tom: Well you work all yea ...
Jim: Im sorry *giggles* You just have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I don't think we can fight it any longer Thomas. We're meant to be.

Gus would NEVER treat you as well as I do Tommy.

NEVER.

Don't you even suggest it.

Give me a hug, you stud.

Tom, can I have my Indigo Girls and KD Lang cds back now?

Let's spoon, you big piece of studly man meat. We'll leave Simms out of it this time.

Most Valuable Player - meet the Sportscaster of the Year. Think Gisele would be up for a threesome?

Tom: This trophy, I love it like I should love my child.
Jim: It has your perfectly chisled features, your solid frame, your golden glow.
Tom: Yeah, that good for nothing baby of mine is just a fat lump. It can't possibly be mine.
Jim: I'll take care of him.

I miss you Tom. I miss your musk. I think, when this thing with Gisele is done, you and I should get an apartment together.

Nantz: We can get together... once in a while, way the hell out in Glendale, but...
Brady: Once in a while? Every four out of the last seven fuckin' years?
Nantz: If you can't fix it, Tom, you gotta stand it.
Brady: For how long?
Nantz: For as long as we can ride it. There ain't no reins on this one.


(a Brokeback Mountain thing)

Nantz: Well, Tom Brady, welcome to manhood. I'll make sure to welcome you properly later.

Brady: Once again, Jim, I'm not quite sure what that means.

"I want to kiss you."

"Put the lotion in the basket, Tom."

"I wish I could quit you."