I'm wating until the end of all the Bowl Games to come up with a list of quotes for you to vote on, but Dave Pasch had one last night that just has to be highlight on Christmas Day. Instead of a Christmas Eve miracle, Pasch decided to give us a Christmas Eve "Golden Shower! Via Sports Rubbish....

"Christmas in Honolulu, always beautiful, but we do have a golden shower here."- Dave Pasch

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Week three is upon us already everyone and we're ready to go with the PWCs. I'm splitting duties with, your friend and mine, S2N and we've got some great games to cover today. Keep the comments coming early and often.

Your College Football Announcing Schedule: Week Three

Whoa. Some technical difficulties there with the mics going out. That's not good. Oh and that "John Buccigross For President" sign made me chuckle. Oooh and lookie here....an FJM sign...."Lee Corso Is Football's Joe Morgan"....


"Ohio State can't beat USC with singles or doubles hitters; they need home run guys." - Lee Corso (Via S2N)

Ah a baseball reference when you're being compared to Joe Morgan in the crowd.

"They had trouble tackling because they weren't bringing their feet with them." - Ray Bentley (Via S2N)

Hahaha. Now we're cooking.

"The only way you get better is in games, not practice."- Rick Walker (Via Joe)

Are we seriously going to talk about the OSU-USC during every game today ESPN? Good lord...it's only noon.

"You're talking two time zones away, three hours difference"- Andre Ware talking about Cal having problems with the time difference (Via David)

"The holder, Keegan Patterson, couldn't handle the package." - Ray Bentley, after FAU fumbles a field goal snap.

"Ringer spurts free and into the end zone!"- Pam Ward
"All he needed was a small crack to get through."- Ray Bentley

Hopefully this rainy weather brings out the double entendres. (Via Anon)

Me too Anon...me too. The game is certainly boring enough...liven it up Pam!

"Tough to be accurate when you have this much man in your face."- Charles Davis (Via Anon)

Whoa.

Also, forgot to mention the Ohio State-USC game for the 54th time, and Ray Bentley will watch it "at his palatial estate on the lake." (Via Joe)

"Any house is a palatial estate for you, Ray"- Pam Ward

Awwwwww! How sweet.

"Guess that's a tribute to how tall [Colin Kaepernick] is -- he stepped out of bounds at the 3 and they're spotting it at the 1." - D'Marco Farr (Via S2N)

"That's the full fifteen"- Andre Ware on a facemask penalty

There is only the full fifteen now, Andre.

“Great tackle, er, broken tackle by Charles. Gordon finally gets him in the backfield. Gain of 5 for Charles.”- Pam Ward (Via Landon)

I had to read that one a few times to understand it, and my head hurts now.

"I wonder if Jahvid Best's haircut came before or after his 200 yard performance. Might have something to do with his negative one yard today." - Andre Ware
"Speaking of hair, we go to someone who always keeps his hair in good shape, Rece Davis." - Dave Pasch
"I always try to stay well coiffed." - Rece Davis

"You know, if I were Maryland on first down...I would just take a shot. Because its either gonna be a passing interference, completion, or incompletion. No harm done."- Andre Ware

....Or it can be intercepted Andre. (Via Anon)

"Wow! A surge at the end by Joe Surgan."- Dave Armstrong on Navy-Duke game (Via Joe)

Oh man. I just got sent the Cal player puking vid and that is just about the grossest thing I've ever seen. I'll have the video up in a few.

"A little redemption for Dufrene, but not Shawshank."- Rece Davis

"Iowa's starting to shit -- sit! -- on these shorter routes." - Charles Davis (Via Anon)

"We see a bunch of wet stuff coming up from the ground."- Pam Ward

That's called water, Pam! (Via Noah)

"Some would say Chris Turner's hair is muppet'esque, but his play is certainly not."- Dave Pasch

What does that even mean?

"Cal with 3rd and about a forearm"- Dave Pasch

It was 3rd and 25. (Via JG)

"You've got on Costa on offense, one Costa on defense, and both Costas playing good Football for Maryland"- Andre Ware
"I think BOB Costas could have made that sack!"- Dave Pasch

So so lame.

---------

Hey folks, S2N here to fill in....watching UGA/South Carolina for Verne and Gary action while flipping to UM/ND in commercials.

"You said it before the game started Charles, you really felt like they (Iowa Hawkeyes) NEEEDDED this win today."- Thom Brennaman
"To me it wasn't just needed, they had to have it." - Charles Davis (via Anon)

Final score: 17-5. Ouch.

"Just one offside kick recovery." - Andre Ware

Or an Onside kick, but it's your show - SSReporters

Whatever. It's no match for the Greatness That Is Andre Ware (and I'm adding that tag to this post.)

"...and fans who wish every day would be Saturday." - Verne Lundquist, oh so close to namedropping EDSBS for the second time ever.

"He's a chain-mover, he's a clock-eater." - Gary Danielson, on Knowshon Moreno.

"That's what I call Sheets in the wind." - Brad Nessler (via Interplace55)

"That hole was so big he had to score!" - Paul Maguire (via Anon)

"It's early in the season; you can take a mulligan." - Danielson, on the clock issues during UGA/S. Carolina

On Lou Holtz participating in the coin toss:

Pat Haden: "You think he brought Mark May with him?"
Tom Hammond: "I think he was happy to get away from him." (via Sean)

Zing.

"There is nothing that South Carolina has tried in this game that has been clean at all." - Danielson

"Stephen Garcia, who has missed the two minicamps with alcohol-related issues..." - Lundquist. I know, it's only funny if you hear Verne say it, but "alcohol-related issues" is being delicate.

"I wouldn't want to be the guy responsible for running the play clock." - Lundquist
"It's not that hard. All you have to do is push one button." - Danielson

"both Quarterbacks shown that their wheels aren't that wobbly" Brad Nessler on OB Running (via Interplace55)

Whoa. Just saw the Hail Mary to end the Buffalo-Temple game....DAYUM.

"I just don't believe the fans could have expected a Steve Spurrier team to be this bad on offense." - Danielson. Gary, where have you been? The Cocks have stunk offensively for the past few years, even with Head Ball Coach.

"Moreno gets in touch with his inner Edwin Moses." - Lundquist, showing the highlight of Knowshon hurdling a Central Michigan defender.

These are some incompetent SEC refs handling UGA/S. Carolina:

"Wait a minute, that would be pass interference and a block in the back, both on South Carolina....I'm confused." - Danielson

After the PI call negates the pick, more Gary: "To me, that's rewarding a bad play by Georgia."

"Could you use a couple minutes to recollect yourself?" - Lundquist
"No, I'm ready to go!" - Danielson

Obviously.

"It's kind of a triple option; [Steven Threet] can run the ball or throw that little out to Otis." - Pat Haden. Um, Pat, we're missing an option here. That's two.

"It's simple to shoot a gun. It's difficult to hit a target. That's kind of like [BYU's] offense." - Glenn Parker

"Jimmy Clausen about to take the field again." - Hammond
"Half of his completions have been for touchdowns." - Haden
"How many is that?" - Hammond
"Oh, 50, maybe 53 percent." - Haden

Yikes.

I missed the exact quotes, but Nessler, Griese, and Maguire were talking about Robert Redford for some reason. They're bored.

"Stafford had dinner with Romo, Jessica was not there." - Verne Lundquist

Verne channeling Mike Patrick - JG

"... Skip Holtz's team beating Georgia..."- Tom Hammond, running down the South Carolina game on the ticker (via Anon)

"Looks like there's a fag down in the end zone" - Hammond (via Ryan Huey)

Seriously? Whoops!

"In anticipation of the rain both teams practiced with wet balls this week." - Alex Flanagan (via two different Anons).

I'll leave you all to make the easy jokes about the comely Flanagan and wet balls.

Wow did anyone else see Charlie Weis' knee go out? That thing got destroyed, he probably tore multiple ligaments. That's gonna be a tough recovery for a guy his size. - Jay

Yep, saw that. Came back with that leg wrapped and a crutch before the half.

"I've seen some late night bar bouncers that don't throw people out this hard." - Glenn Parker, on the 245-lb BYU RB Harvey Unga.

That'll show Charlie not to accept Dana Jacobson's apology! She put a voodoo curse on him. - Enrique

Dude, we just had a mind meld. I was thinking about a karma joke right before I refreshed the comments.

Contractually required Texas Lutheran reference for Verne - JG

Do you have the whole quote? I turned away because this game is setting back offensive football.

"Maybe Charlie's protege Tom Brady and he can rehab together." - Pat Haden
"They've been texting each other all week." - Tom Hammond

Pat and Tom are rising in the ranks on this stuff, man.

"[Josh Nesbitt] hit the outside, and look what he did to [the defensive end], it's like a cat and mouse game." - David Norrie, except Nesbitt would be the mouse and the cat missed him. Mixing up metaphors.

"I don't think you go for two here." - Norrie, again after a GT touchdown and they get backed up on a false start on the conversion. The conversion was successful from 7 yards out.

"And Virginia Tech kicks the field goal to go up 9." - Terry Gannon

...umm, the score is 17-9...let's get this basic math right fellas. -Andrew

"How appropriate that the Ducks got help from a Bird [the PR's last name]." - Brad Nessler, after a Janus Byrd return for a TD.
"Well, the bird is in flight for the Ducks." - Nessler, two seconds later before break

(both via NHZ)

"They had me on Drinking with the Stars." - Paul Maguire (via Scumdog)

"The miserable day for UCLA continues." - Joe Beninati, after UCLA misses a figgie wide.

I won't even go into the stupidity of kicking a FG when trailing 59-0 with 11 min left in the 4th. - JG

To say Rick Neuheisel has a lot of work to do is an understatement.

"There are few things worse than being soaking wet and down 35-17." -- Tom Hammond

(giggles)

"Spurrier is showing his frustration on the sideline. And Steve being Steve, he has thrown his pen, his headset and, yes, his visor once." - Tracy Wolfson (via Mal)

Ol' Ball Coach just wishes he had another year of eligibility so he could throw the football instead of Smelley or Garcia.

"South Carolina cannot stop the clock. Except on an incomplete pass." - Verne Lundquist

Or run out of bounds since there is 1:33 left in the game. These guys don't read the rules? - SSReporters

Baseball Bonus Bad Announcing: "Mike Hampton was once recruited to play college football as a defensive back and he just showed some bulldog out there." - Mark Grace, during Braves-Mets (via Bazooka Jones)

"See if Jones caught this play." - Gary Danielson (via SSReporters, who's pretty sure he meant to say "the ball.")

"You're bad luck Verne, you're like the anti-Santa of South Carolina football" - Gary Danielson (via Anon)

We got OT in Oregon-Purdue, which means more Nessler-Griese-Maguire nuttiness.

"Oregon lives to play... well at least for another couple of minutes" - Brad Nessler (via Interplace)
"Blount just banging his way downfield." - Brad Nessler (via SSReporters)
"They cant get a first down here, they have to score." - Paul Maguire (via JG)

Uhh, Paul if the rule is the same as the NFL a touchdown counts as a first down. - JG

Oregon driving...and the OT win for the Ducks.

Feel free to leave Musburger and Herbstreit quotes from the Big Game. I may be in and out -- I'd like to actually put my full attention into being a USC homer.

"Look for number 2 to be inserted." - Kirk Herbstreit referring to Terrell Pryor (Via SS)

"Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you better." - Mike Patrick (Via Anon)

The NJ.com's Rutgers Football blog posted an item this past Thursday when they learned that Erin Andrews would not be on sideline duty with her normal team for the Fresno State-Rutgers game yesterday. The post stated that Rob Stone was to replace her and the commenters were not very happy about the switch....

Posted by cojoneka on 08/21/08 at 9:49PM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Posted by rurockin on 08/22/08 at 7:31AM
Can I write my congressman about this. So unfair!

Posted by scarletpig on 08/22/08 at 12:16PM
I have never felt so betrayed in my entire life.

Okay so there were only seven total quotes, but you could tell it greatly upset Rob Stone. So much so that he and the booth decided to address it part of the way through the fourth quarter....

The guy just continues to crack me up during every report. Also, if Erin Andrews is going to be faxing out letters to read on air, she might want use a little bit nicer kind of letterhead. Maybe something with subtle off-white coloring, tasteful thickness and a watermark? Just a suggestion.

Rob Stone to replace Erin Andrews on the sidelines for Rutgers-Fresno State game (NJ.com)

Last game before the National Championship. I'll be checking parts of it out after the Clemens interview and I'll be updating the quotes down below the preview. Hey someone's gotta care about Bowling Green and Tulsa right?





Bowling Green vs. Tulsa
The GMAC Bowl
8:00 PM ET, January 6, 2008
Ladd Peebles Stadium - Mobile, AL

Weather: 58 Degrees, Cloudy
Spread: Tulsa -6, O/U 77
AA's Pick: Tulsa -6 (Record 16-11-2)
Announcers: Rece Davis, Mark May, Lou Holtz Bob Wischusen, Andre Ware (ESPN)

Team Leaders

Bowling Green Passing: Sheehan- 63.2%, 3123 Yards, 23 TDs, 11 INTs
Tulsa Passing: Smith- 60.1%, 4753 Yards, 42 TDs, 19 INTs

Bowling Green Rushing: Turner- 101 Carries, 501 Yards, 5.0 avg, 9 TDs
Tulsa Rushing: Adams- 202 Carries, 1113 Yards, 5.5 avg, 7 TDs

Bowling Green Receiving: Barnes- 77 Catches, 891 Yards, 11.6 avg, 9 TDs
Tulsa Receiving: Marion- 39 Catches, 1244 Yards, 31.9 avg, 11 TDs
_____________________________________

Okay, so I completely skipped the majority of Bowl Games to watch American Gladiators, but I did happen to catch this.....

Talk about a game I care nothing about, but hell it's Football right? Can someone explain how there was no Football yesterday? Basketball is okay on X-mas, but I need some pigskin in my life on Holidays.

Anywho, here are your particulars. I'll be updating throughout the game, and it should be a good one. We've got a potential shootout and Andre Ware! I got a LeFevour....and the only thing that can cure it is more cowbell.






GMAC Motor City Bowl
7:30 PM ET, December 26, 2007
Ford Field , Detroit, MI

Weather: Dome
Spread: Purdue -8.5, O/U 72
AA's Pick: Central Mich +9...by the hook (Record 3-2)
Announcers: Dave Pasch, Andre Ware (ESPN)

Team Leaders

Purdue Passing: Painter- 63.21%, 3300 Yards, 26 TDs, 9 Ints
Central Mich Passing: LeFevour- 66.4%, 3360 Yards, 23 TDs, 13 Ints

Purdue Rushing: Sheets- 156 Carries, 832 Yards, 5.3 avg, 9 TDs
Central MichRushing: LeFevour- 155 Carries, 1008 Yards, 6.5 avg, 17 TDs

Purdue Receiving: Bryant- 82 Catches, 871 Yards, 10.6 avg, 8 TDs
Central Mich Receiving: Anderson- 83 Catches, 1003 Yards, 12.1 avg, 7 TD
____________________________

"43 yard punt. No re-tune.....turn."- Dave Pasch

"Keith the first to show up and arrive."- Andre Ware

A little bit redundant Andre.

"Stretched out every ounce of speed he had"- Andre Ware (Via Anon)

Hilarious. That ones going to the top for sure.

"The Turf Monster, the Green Grinch."- Andre Ware

Isn't the Grinch already green???

"If Pasch shows up we get a game. Stamp it....they should write it up in the NCAA Record books or something."- Andre Ware

Or something.

Welcome back to our weekly installment of The Pam Ward Chronicles. I'm going to be keeping track of the Announcing Quotes throughout the day and I ask that you join in. Please leave any that you come across in the comments or feel free to email me at AwfulAnnouncing@Gmail.com.

I'm starting this week with probably the worst Announcing quote i've heard in awhile. Sean McDonough was talking about Kevin Everett with Chris Speilman when he said the following.....

“I noticed your occasional paralysis kicked in at dinner when the check came”- Sean McDonough

It's ALWAYS funny to make joke around someone almost dying and the fact they may never walk again. What an ass.

Here are the standings after two weeks........

1. Chris Spielman (23)
2. Brad Nessler (17)
3. Bob Griese (16)
4. Gary Danielson (13)
5. Pat Haden (9)
6. Paul Maguire, Mike Patrick, and Gerry Dinardo (8)
9. Mark Jones, Brent Musburger, Lee Corso (7)

Others Receiving Votes: Tim Brandt (6), John Saunders (6), Ray Bentley (5), Mike Tirico (4), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Doug Flutie (3.5), Pam Ward (3), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2), Andre Ware (2), Gerry Dinardo (1), Dave Pasch (1)

College Football Week #4 Announcing Teams (Awful Announcing)
_______________________________________________

"Bulls on Parade, rally round the family. USF at North Carolina today."- Chris Fowler

"Matthew Stafford is one of the best quarterbacks in the SEC because he throws the ball straight." - Lee Corso (Via Fletch)

"Our defensive line are lead by Kentawn Balmer."- Butch Davis introducing his Tarheels.

"I want a couple of what that #1 Tailgater is having."- Ray Bentley

ESPN had a USF tailgater introduce the lineups for the Bulls. Just dumb.

"THATS A HUGE HOLE!" - Pam Ward (Via Steve)

"Gotta get that arm lubed up."- Dave Pasch

"A red shirt freshman who has no experience coming in." - Ray Bentley (Via Steve)

"How about pig head at 9am?" - Erin Andrews (Via Steve)

"What was the pig head sitting in?"- Andre Ware (Via TWSS)

You're looking lovely today Pam!



"That is hitting a man right in the mustache." - Andre Ware (Via S2N)

"Their quickness and suddenness of their speed is getting to North Carolina."- Ray Bentley (Via S2N)

"So where's the shakeup?" - Dave Pasch
"The shakeup is in Booty." - Andre Ware
(Via S2N)

"He's a little undersized down in there." - Ray Bentley (Via Anon)

We interrupt you regularly scheduled Pam Ward Chronicles to bring you Andre Ware eating chicken wings.....



"Tim Tebow really is huge in the lower half"- Unknown (Via Sam)

"I don't think anyone heard the flag or the whistle."- Brad Nessler

"Is my bald spot shining into the camera?" - Paul Maguire
"Yeah, can you put something on there to block it?" - Brad Nessler
"I don't even have sunscreen for it." - Maguire
"Oh, and you've got some tape on your pants." - Nessler
(Via S2N)

"I don't see any players with shorts on the field, and if no one's wearing shorts, [Trindon Holliday's] the fastest guy on the field." - Gary Danielson

"Keep the camera on them, maybe they'll kiss"- Verne Lundquist, If you didn't know about Tebow kissing his receiver last week...that would be pretty shocking to hear

Time now for the AFLAC...Duck's late...(*AFLAC!*)...trivia of the game.- Vern Lundquist (Via TWSS)

someone stole gary danielson's jacket, i guess, so they showed them in the booth with just a shirt and tie, danielson said, "i think it was a guy in a purple shirt...maybe green", and verne lundquist told him he looked great.

Anyway a few minutes later danielson said something like, "we have an update: they found my jacket". then they exchanged a couple sentences i didn't pay attention before verne said, "you cant run very far in an airport with a cbs sports jacket"
(Via Anon)

"The referee threw the flag!"- Bob Griese, Umm else would have?

"He's throwing better backwards than he is forwards"- Gary Danielson (Via TWSS)

"Boston College is the best team in the Big East."- Lee Corso (Via Anon)

"Johnson goes up the middle."- Dan Fouts (Via Anon)

"If he (Chip Chandler) had dropped that, he would've had trouble finding his scholarship with a telescope."- Mike Patrick (Via Dave)

"A fake is like a pair of shoes for women that go into a shoe store, they can't not buy them."- Charles Arbuckle

"[totally random]..And he's a pretty good looking guy."- Ray Bentley describing Jim Leavitt.

"Both those defensive backs were wearin' those WRs like a pair of spandex shorts."- Rene Nadeau

(Last 3 via Eric)

And your clear cut favorite to win for this week has it's own post....

Mike Patrick Has Important Things On His Mind

"They don't need a knockout to win. A TKO will be fine...maybe there'll be a Russian judge."- Gary Danielson (Via MW)

So after 32 games, and countless live-blogs I've got your final Network grades for the Bowl Games. As always.....please feel free to share your own thoughts in the comments. ESPN is up first.....

Here is your list of announcers for every single Bowl Game this season on ESPN (I know....I'm psycho for keeping track of this).
___________________________________

ESPN2 San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl– San Diego Northern Illinois vs. TCU Rece Davis, Lou Holtz, Mark May and Rob Stone

ESPN Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl – #20 BYU vs. Oregon
Las Vegas Brent Musburger, Bob Davie, Craig James and Lisa Salters

ESPN2 R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl – Rice vs. Troy
New Orleans Sean McDonough, Chris Spielman and Rob Stone

ESPN2 Papajohns.com Bowl – South Florida vs. East Carolina
Birmingham, Ala. Gary Thorne, Andre Ware and Todd Harris

ESPN New Mexico Bowl – New Mexico vs. San Jose State
Albuquerque, N.M. Bob Wischusen, Rod Gilmore, Trevor Matich and Stacey Dales

ESPN Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl –Tulsa vs. Utah
Fort Worth, Texas Mike Patrick, Todd Blackledge and Holly Rowe

ESPN Sheraton Hawaii Bowl – Hawaii vs. Arizona State
Honolulu Mark Jones, David Norrie and Heather Cox

ESPN Motor City Bowl – Middle Tennessee vs. Central Michigan
Detroit Dave Lamont, Ray Bentley and Vince Welch

ESPN Emerald Bowl – Florida State vs. #25 UCLA
San Francisco Dan Fouts, Tim Brant and Jack Arute

ESPN PetroSun Independence Bowl – Oklahoma State vs. Alabama Shreveport, La. Gary Thorne, Andre Ware and Todd Harris

ESPN Pacific Life Holiday Bowl – #21 Texas A&M vs. #18 Cal
San Diego Chris Fowler, Kirk Herbstreit and Erin Andrews

ESPN Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl – Clemson vs. Kentucky
Nashville, Tenn. Dave Pasch, Rod Gilmore, Trevor Matich and Stacey Dales

ESPN AutoZone Liberty Bowl – South Carolina vs. Houston
Memphis, Tenn. John Saunders, Craig James, Doug Flutie and Todd Harris

ESPN Champs Sports Bowl – Purdue vs. Maryland
Orlando, Fla. Brad Nessler, Bob Griese, Paul Maguire and Bonnie Bernstein

ESPN Meineke Car Care Bowl – Navy vs. #24 Boston College
Charlotte, N.C. Pam Ward, Mike Gottfried and Jimmy Dykes

ESPN Alamo Bowl – #19 Texas vs. Iowa
San Antonio, Texas Sean McDonough, Chris Spielman and Rob Stone

ESPN Chick-fil-A Bowl – Georgia vs. #15 Virginia Tech
Atlanta Ron Franklin, Ed Cunningham and Dr. Jerry Punch

ESPN MPC Computers Bowl – Miami vs. Nevada
Boise, Idaho Mark Jones, David Norrie and Heather Cox

ESPN Outback Bowl – #17 Tennessee vs. Penn State
Tampa, Fla. Mike Patrick, Todd Blackledge and Holly Rowe

ABC Capital One Bowl – #12 Arkansas vs. #7 Wisconsin
Orlando, Fla. Brad Nessler, Bob Griese, Paul Maguire and Erin Andrews

ABC Rose Bowl Presented by Citi – #5 USC vs. #3 Michigan
Pasadena, Calif. Brent Musburger, Bob Davie, Kirk Herbstreit, Lisa Salters and Bonnie Bernstein

ESPN2 International Bowl – Western Michigan vs. Cincinnati
Toronto John Saunders, Craig James, Doug Flutie and Todd Harris

ESPN GMAC Bowl – Ohio vs. Southern Miss Mobile, Ala. Gary Thorne, Andre Ware and Rob Stone
______________________

Good lord....where do I even start? Well let's break this down Awards style.....

Best Announcing Team- Chris Fowler/Kirk Herbstreit (With the added bonus of Erin Andrews), The Holiday Bowl

I love when they do games. I have to actually TRY to find things wrong with their broadcast, and I rarely do. It's a shame ESPN continues to leave their best teams as the Studio Show.


Worst Announcing Team- Tie between Fouts/Brant (Emerald Bowl) & Thorne/Ware (GMAC Bowl)





Lowlights:

Thorne referred to a player as "Old Man Handy".
"Usually that's a false start when they blow the whistle before the whistle"- Ware
"The eyes are still down the field, which allows him to make the play." - Ware
"Oh no, he broke my ankles."- Ware
"Weakley had one reception on the year coming in, so now he has two."- Thorne
"Effort penalties, I'm okay with - those are just part of the game." - Ware
"This one's starting to have the aroma of a barn burner!"- Fouts
"As Jack talked about this is a flat field because it's a baseball field"- Fouts
"Steve Barth our referee from the USA.....Conference."- Fouts
"Booker looks looked like he was heading to halelujah land"- Brant
"And the fair catch is signaled and....IT'S MIFFED!"- Fouts

Best Supporting Actor (Best Color Guy)- Bob Griese, Champs Sports Bowl

The Greaseman took Paul Maguire to task on a regular basis during the Champs Sports Bowl leading to this exchange.....

"I think it's an honor to sit next to a Hall of Famer"- PM
"Umm, I wish I could say the same"- BG

Best Supporting Actress (Best Sideline Reporter)- Erin Andrews, Multiple Bowls

Come on......who did you think I was going to pick? And before you get all uppity and call me sexist....I needed a category for the women. Pam Ward was not winning for anything and there are no female colorguys persons. (Erin barely beat out Dr. Jerry Punch who I think is just dreamy)


Best Bowl Game- Chick-fil-A Bowl (Georgia/VT)

To tell you the truth the majority of the Bowl Games ESPN showed this year sucked. They were either low scoring or blowouts. This was the only one that didn't disappoint.

AA's Final Grade:

The sheer amount of Announcers ESPN has is mind-boggling. You could probably create an okay team if you nixed a few folks (Ware, Fouts, Maguire, Mike Patrick, etc.) I think the games themselves played a big part in the announcers being pretty bad this year, and I'm not going to penalize them for that. So........

C-

Join me for the NFL Network and Fox tomorrow. Don't forget to stop by at around 9PM for Just Call Me Juice's live-blog of the Wisconsin/Ohio State tilt tonight.

10:29 - Ohio gets the first down on forward progress. That should be considered a moral victory at this point.

10:31 - I think I've ripped off Deadspin for my last two post titles. Hope they don't get mad - I'm counting on their support.

10:32 - To everyone who's still watching this game and talking me down off the ledge, thank you. I'm having a surprising amount of fun and your comments are a large reason why.

10:34 - HA! I never realized that the aforementioned Chip 'n Dale commercial is sponsored by Dick's Sporting Goods. Is there such a thing as a triple entendre?

10:36 - It's easy to be cynical, but it was actually nice to see the players from these two schools visiting the children's hospital in Mobile. It might not seem like much to us - "Gee, a guy from a mid-major school, how exciting" - but after working for an independent league baseball team for two years, I've seen how kids respond to any sort of athlete - they love it. They'll be talking about it for weeks. I'm glad they made the effort to do something good like that.

10:39 - Back to cynicism (is that even a word?) - Signal to Noise said... I wasn't aware Dick's supported chipmunk-on-man double teams, but it's clear that they do and the terrorists have won.

I don't even know what to say...these commercials have totally changed my outlook on life.

10: 41 - "Lou P. said...Did Gary Thorne just refer to one of the Southern Miss players as "Old Man Handy"?!?"

I missed that, Lou - but nothing at this point would surprise me.

10:42 - Southern Miss allows Ohio a courtesy touchdown, and it's 28-7.

10:43 - It was funny the first time I saw it, but that Bruce Campbell commercial for Old Spice is starting to annoy the crap out of me. Rob Thomas songs have the same effect on me - I wonder if Rob Thomas wrote it?

10:45 - Mike Gottfried is a father-figure to a 12-year old boy. I don't feel that I'm qualified to comment on this matter.

10:46 - They're joking about him taking Rob Stone's sideline reporting job, but I'm pretty sure he's gunning for Andre Ware.

10:48 - It's early in this drive, but Ohio appears to be stiffening up on defense. I wonder if the game plan all along was to spot Southern Miss four touchdowns, then start playing for real in the fourth quarter.

10:49 - Love the fact that Division 1A is now referred to as the Bowl Subdivision. Thank you, NCAA, for replacing a reasonable term with one that takes twice as long to type.

10:51 - That note from three minutes ago? Just kidding - Austin Everson throws an interception for Ohio, Southern Miss returns it to the Ohio thirty.

10:53 - Signal to Noise said... Ack, I just imagined Fouts, Ware, and Gottfried as the team to call a game, and now I want to pour bleach into my ears to wash the notion out of my brain.

Who is the sideline reporter for this team from Hell? Eric Dickerson or Tony Siragusa (aka the anti-Erin Andrews)?

10:56 - I'm gonna take my kids to Mardi Gras someday. There is plenty of material to deliver pretty much deliver every possible "father to child" talk in that environment.

10:58 - "You know what I'm talking about, right?" - Stone - Until you said that, I was thinking to myself, "Hey, this Rob Stone isn't too bad." Now - just shut the hell up. You're an idiot. And a sideline reporter. (Which is worse: being the sideline reporter working the GMAC Bowl, or being an unpaid blogger writing a live blog of the GMAC Bowl? Wait - don't answer that.)

11:01 - "I'm Gary Thorne with Andre Ware and Rob Stone. Great crew on hand." - Thorne - unfortunately, none of them actually appear on television to talk about the game.

11:03 - "The tallest being Norwood at 6'3", 197." - Ware - first of all, Yahoo! lists Norwood at 6'1". Second, if you're talking about his height, why is his weight even relevant?

11:05 - This one is frighteningly close to being over, so let me get this out of the way now - thanks to Awful Announcing for allowing me to once again take on a live blog on his site. Anytime you need me, AA, just blow on the conch shell and call for me - I'll be playing pool ten feet away.

11:07 - After so many screw-ups this bowl season, it was nice to see a team actually hit the coach with the Gatorade bath.

11:08 - Also deserving of mention, once again: Run Up The Score, Signal to Noise, Awful Announcing and Sam T, who preceded me on the live blog slate these past couple of days. Great job all the way around, fellas - hope I lived up to the lofty standard you guys set.

11:12 - And it's official: Southern Miss takes the GMAC Bowl by the score of 28-7. Both teams finish the season at 9-5.

AA here......damn who was that hot chick with the Southern Miss coach? Anywho, thanks to the above folks who completed the longest day of live-blogging ever. Through internet issues, chilli dinners, and crap-ass Bowl Games....we completed the impossible (or the retarded).

Programming notes: Live-blog tomorrow of the National Championship Game. The same folks will be here, so I hope you will too.

Also, welcome me if you will our newest Live-blogger Marco from Just Call Me Juice. His first assignment? Well it's not exactly an assignment it's his request......College Basketball.....this Tuesday......#6 Ohio State......#4 Wisconsin......ESPN. Be there.

See everyone tomorrow....thanks for stopping by.

9:51 - Okay, so it was about twenty minutes. But we're back - LIVE - at the GMAC Bowl, sponsored by GMAC, in Mobile, Alabama.

Gary Thorne is one of those guys whose voice does NOT match his appearance.

9:52 - I'm confused - we just had the first half kickoff, THEN an interview with Frank Solich and shots of the team running out on the field. Did we really need a TAPED interview with a sideline reporter?

9:53 - I think I'm in LOVE with words in all-caps right now. Need to work on that.

9:55 - I'm a little angry right now - I didn't have time to eat my cake during halftime.

9:59 - Maybe it's because of Ole Miss, but doesn't it feel like Southern Miss should be in the SEC instead of Conference USA? It never fails to surprise and/or confuse me when I hear somebody refer to their conference, but that's due in part to the fact that I forget Conference USA exists.

10:01 - AwfulAnnouncing- said...Wow....Andre Ware might be the worst announcer ever.

I was going to respectfully disagree, as I don't think he's been awful so far tonight, but then he broke out this gem while describing a run by the Southern Miss quarterback:

"Oh no, he broke my ankles."

So yeah, maybe he IS the worst announcer ever.

10:04 - "Effort penalties, I'm okay with - those are just part of the game." - Ware - Andre, tell that to my high school coach, who gave me an earful my junior year when I was called for clipping for blocking downfield. Go ahead...TELL HIM!!!

Deep breath...I'm okay now. Talking about the good old days gets me worked up a little bit.

10:07 - The man-love for Jeremy Young and Damion Fletcher is getting old. Thorne and (especially) Ware have been verbally fellating the two of them for the duration of this Southern Miss drive.

10:08 - I've been waiting to use that "verbally fellating" line for weeks - my blog is more of a family blog, so I'm glad AA has given me the opportunity to break out material like that in more of a "locker room" environment.

10:10 - Fletcher runs laterally left, turns the corner, dives for the pylon, touchdown, 28-0 Southern Miss. Gary Thorne expresses his joy through the majesty of screaming; Andre Ware is so excited, he can't even speak.

10:12 - 17 plays, 80 yards, 9:55 off the clock. That's f'n dominance, kids.

10:13 - Signal to Noise said... AA - if you pair him as color with Dan Fouts as play-by-play, imagine the agony.

You'd need a whole team of live-bloggers to keep up with that duo. I'm having enough trouble just handling Ware by myself.

10:15 - YES - a replay of Andre Ware throwing beads at the parade. Great stuff.

10:15 - Gary Thorne tells us, in one hundred words or less, that Ohio's night has really sucked.

10:18 - I hate when ESPN runs the bowl scores on the Bottom Line along with the dates that the games took place. It makes me think of Christmas-time and my week of vacation. I really enjoy my job, but I enjoy vacation just as much.

10:21 - "We've talked a lot about Fletcher, but Harrison kind of contributing in a big way as well." - Ware - the accompanying graphic showed 18 carries and 60 yards for Fletcher, 5 carries and 71 yards for Harrison. Just a suggestion, Andre, but you might want to talk about Harrison a bit more.

10:23 - Southern Miss is doing us all a favor and letting the clock run before punting the ball away.

10:23 - I love - LOVE - the commercial where the guy says to Chip 'n Dale, "You guys run the double team a lot, right?" Ah, the wonder of double entendres.

10:26 - "They do not want to be skunked, so they better find a way to put on in." - Thorne - I think it might be too late, Gary.

10:27 - And with that less than exciting end-around/reverse/whatever the hell that play is called, we're through three and on to the fourth.