We're ready to go, with appropriate photography. Bring on your best Grossman jokes, folks.

After another blatantly obvious bit of pandering about Hispanic Heritage Month being tied in by the NFL via Gloria Estefan singing the national anthem, we're set to go. At least it explains the commercial I saw earlier today where a couple was in therapy, telenovela-style, and the husband was admitting his love of the NFL.

Is Estefan on call when any pro sports league needs to up its Latino cachet? Just asking.

And it didn't take long for Al and John to break out the Good Rex/Bad Rex comparison. That's gotta be a new record.

If you forgot, this is our country. Just hoping you knew. Lame Heroes tie-in, ahoy, and of course it involves T.O., the no-name Japanese actor, and a green screen. Frankly, if I needed to sell something, I'd try and get Owens. I'm not kidding. Even in his arrogance, he's likable.

Is Dallas stupid enough to kick it to Devin Hester tonight? No, they will not be that stupid, and they kick it out of bounds, which means Chicago will start at their own 40, and Wade Phillips will take that. Here comes the Sex Cannon, folks. Ced Benson plows through the line for a quick four yards early on, and he picks up about 10 more on the next play for a first down. The Bears will have more chances to win the less they keep it in Grossman's hands. Bernard Berrian drops a first-down pass by Grossman due to getting hit hard in the back trying to bring it in.

I'm not entirely sure why the non-Purple Jesus Adrian Peterson even gets many carries. I know he's been in the league longer, but shouldn't he have to give up his name or something, use his middle name, since he's not as famous or good?

Grossman throws an incomplete on 3rd, and Brian Maynard punts into the end zone. Dallas ball at their own 20, and bump music #1 is Santana's "Smooth." Blah.

Did kids in the cities back in the early 20th century even play football in the alleyways? Last time I checked it was mainly a Southern/Ivy League kind of thing - Ryan McD29

Probably. The plebes couldn't afford pigskin.

"It's the Vaqueros against the Osos." - AM. Hey, his pronunciation was good, and Antonio Ramiro Romo gets sacked on first down. In honor of Hispanic Heritage Month, he will be Antonio Ramiro Romo for the rest of the game (or as long as I can keep this up.) Julius Jones gets piddling yardage (when is Marion Barber III starting, Wade?), and here comes 3rd down. Antonio hurls it to Owens, but he's short of the first down, and here comes the punt team, who will not do what we all want and kick it to Devin Hester.

Actually, they do kick it to Hester, but in a place where he can't do a heck of a lot with it.

1,2,3,4...I'm gonna put a beer bottle through my TV one of these days due to that iPod Nano video ad.

Grossman slings it Berrian's way, and he gets a 1st down right there. Two short runs by Benson, and we're at 3rd and 8 -- Berrian catches another first down pass.

"A 0 rating is God-awful with eight exclamation points." - AM

Wow...if you run a play to Devin Hester every time you put him in on offense, the defense will eventually catch on and focus entirely on him whenever he comes on the field. Who knew? - OMDQ

People are capable of learning! Dropped pass by Muhammad, and offsides on the Cowboys for 2nd and 5 in Dallas territory. Rexy tosses another short ball to Berrian for another first down, and this is the quandary that is the Dallas secondary -- they can't pick up anybody at all. I thought Wade Phillips was supposed to improve the defense. Benson gets another good run, and an incidental face mask results in a first down after the 5-yard penalty.

I have leftover Wade Phillips hate from his days as the Broncos coach. Expect to see some of this come later.

Oh wow, a pass thrown to a non-Berrian receiver. This one goes to Greg Olsen over the middle, seeing his first serious action this season. Another pass to Muhammad, and it's nothing but Good Sex Cannon so far. Benson rushes to the Dallas 2, then gets stopped on the next play. Grossman has to throw it away on 3rd down due to six DBs for Dallas, and Robbie Gould's field goal attempt is up and good. 3-0, Chicago.

The Denny Green Coors Light commercial makes me giggle.

I'm not used to hearing ads for Madden in Spanish. I understand every single word of it (even years after I'd taken my last Spanish class), but it's still weird. Gould's kickoff goes out of bounds, and they'll get it with good field position. Bump music is Dire Straits' "Sultans of Swing", one of my all-time favorites.

I am officially disappointed with the Denny Green Coors Light commercial. Such potential, wasted. - OMDQ

I can understand. I giggle at it, but it could have been so much more in terms of pure humor potential. Julius Jones gets four on the carry, negated by a false start penalty on T.O. (really inexcusable when wideouts get flagged for false starts.) Another false start, this one on Flozelle Adams.

"Wanna guess who it's on?" - AM
"How could you miss Flozelle Adams up there?" - JM

And after those brain farts, Jones gets stuffed for a loss -- and Antonio Ramiro Romo is picked by Adam Archuleta after Patrick Crayton tips it.

See, Coors? This Bill Parcells one is so much better than the Green one.

Over/under for Journeyman on NBC: 6 episodes, and I'll take the over for now -- this is not a guess of quality; more that NBC has a lot invested in the show. Grossman gets 13 by going to Berrian yet again. Benson gets 3 on the ground. That ends the first quarter. 3-0, Chicago. See you in the 2nd quarter thread.