You can still make the tee time, right?

"Now's not the time for metaphors, Carlos!"

"Dude?"

Oh my God! He's choked to death!

Wright: "Damn Nature, You Scary"

Man, you probably shouldn't have eaten all that kraut before the game.

Dude, I got pepto in my locker.

"I know, it's 'fallen'! Wait, wait, no, it's 'laying'! Oh! 'Collapse'! It's 'collapse' isn't it, Carlos?! Aw, you did that one last year, man."

Church whispering: I think the fans still see you.

Carlos, it's been over two weeks now. It's time to get over the loss of Tom Brady from your fantasy football team.

Dude, I don't think Heilman and the rest of the bullpen will take this as a vote of confidence.

I told you to sign up for LifeAlert and now see what happens.

Carlos. Carlos! I told you - you have to remove your 2 bottom ribs to do that! Now's not the time to practice...

Beltran is put on the 15 game DL after taking a nasty nutshot on the highly popular Japanese game show KO.

Just like the real Carlos Beltran, Beltran-droid's batteries ran out in mid September.

Dude, that looks like it must of hurt.

The prospect of an injured Carlos Beltran caused Ryan Church to immediatly shit his pants.

Carlos Beltran can only collapse this time of year.

I'm falling and I can't get up!

Hey rub a little dirt on it and you'll feel better.

Beltran: I just love this stadium so much.

Church: Well then you're the only one.

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No, I refuse to take this lying down Carlos!

If you put your head REAL close to the ground, you can hear the Brewers.

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Oh No! They killed Carlos!
You Bastards!

What a poorly designed video game... the damn KO is behind the characters!!!

Carlos, Enough with the damn Josh Elliott jokes.

Is that your O-face?

Carlos you don't have to do this we laid down last year and got Willie fired..Mission accomplished..we like Jerry...get up man.

Taco, taco. Burrito, Burrito. (SP reference)

Um...no. No polyps. That colon seems good to go.

Carlos Beltran: The latest victim of the "What is the capital of Thailand?" joke.

Carlos Beltran can relate well to the mystrious flatulence of Sportscenter this morning, as he is experiencing the problem now.

Church: "Dude, you ok? You don't look so hot. Ummmm, you want me to call your Mom? Maybe get a trainer?"
Beltran: "&*^&*%*^(**(()()$ it hurts you %$^^*&^*$%"

Boatdrinks

Uh Carlos we still have a week to before we get plastered and play drunk golf ... Puke and Rally my friend

Church: Dude, you look..... bad
Beltran:
urrrggh like this team looks these past few weeks?
Church:Yea you right, the team's worse, I'd probably be laying down too, If i was a colossal choker

Ryan quietly wonders to himself if it is uncouth to reach between Beltran's legs for the ball, especially if he likes it.

Ryan Church investigates the quiet sobbing coming from centerfield.

I know she said she loves you but obviously she's banging Jose Reyes. Didn't you see her Facebook page?

Ryan Church: Dude, I know you're having a flashback, but it's OK. Adam Wainwright is not pitching the next inning.

And see..that's how I got MY concussion.

Uh Oh, we're going to need a change of pants for Beltran! It looks likes he did a George Brett.

How can I do the Heimlich Maneuver if you are laying down like that?

does this mean i get to play center?

Mooooooon riverrrrr...

carlos? carlos? wait this carlos beltran its his brother. nevermind guys lets go back to playing

Church channels George Brett, Beltran reacts as Mets do in September.

Next year, Jenna Jameson will manage the Mets. She won't choke on the big ones.

Carlos: THE CURVE! I CAN STILL SEE IT! WAINWRIGHT!!!!!

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I'm gonna poke him. Get up old man! This isn't the American Legion. Wake up!

Anyone watch "It's Always Sunny?"

Carlos Beltran assumes the position of the Mets' late-season collapse.

This bitch is dead!

"DUDE!!!, nice ass!!!"

Carlos Beltran injures himself while trying to show Ryan Church his latest breakdance moves.

"Carlos, you can lounge around and nap all day next week."

"They call it the warning track for a reason, bro."

Church: "Let me know if you can find our chances of making the playoffs down there."

See Ryan, dogs aren't the only ones who can lick themselves.

Buddy, buddy, are you Ok?

Hey guys, should I start CPR?

Beltran: "Ow, my nuts. Ow, my broken nuts."

Dude, I got more blow in the clubhouse

Church: "I told you that Peter Gammons had a Carlos Beltran Voodoo Doll!"

RC: Alright Carlos, do your best "Mets in September" impression.

Unlike the Norwegian Blue Parrot, Carlos Beltran isn't dead, he's just resting.

Church bet Beltran a case of Old Milwaukee that he wouldn't have the stones to try and reach to China during the middle of the inning.

For the last time, those pants don't make your ass look big!

Wake up sleepy head. Wake up wake up wake up wake up.

Church "I dont care if Strahan is in the stands and yells fumble we play base ball dumbass!"

Beltran "but the giants know how to finish"

And you will never touch my Cheerios again, right???

Church : Dude, *I'm* the one who went on the DL for the vertigo, not you. Stop being a copy cat, you, you, you copy cat!

Maybe if we didn't wear our pants with the legs down past our shoes we wouldn't trip so much.

Dude, I was totally kidding when I said you've been traded back to Kansas City.

You're right Carlos, it is ironic that your head smashed into the wall right between the K and the O.