Dan, I think you're doing it wrong. Your hand should be facing the other way.

Dan Patrick lines up for the pass... he makes his pitch... and...

The whiff!

I love how Lil Wayne pretends he can play guitar

www.breakindownthegame.com

Patrick: "And calling us live from his home in Los Angeles, is a former colleague of mine, Sean Salisbury! Sean, it's great to have you on here with Brooklyn Decker! Sean, are you there?"

Salisbury: "Hold on, let me put little Sean away... Okay, I'm back."

Patrick: "Oh god I didn't know they were showing Roddick's tennis highlights. Let me shield your eyes."

what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Brooklyn, you may be hot. But my hair is en fuego!

Dan: Do you like the tasteful Photoshops I did of us?

Brooklyn: (Glances to security in disgust)

Dan: Oh, that's what Worldwide Leader means.

Dan: "You've never seen two girls, one cup? Oh it's great, here let me show you!"

DP: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
BD: Really.
DP: People know me.
BD: Well, I'm very happy for you.
DP: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Thread is over; jeff v FTW.
Oops, sorry... I had a FARK flashback there.

And to think..Andy Roddick won the other half of the charity prize, cohosting Countdown with Keith Olbermann

See, Brooklyn, let me show you, if it were me, I would finger paint those swimsuits on you.

After we're done here, we can go over to the couch behind us, and you can see the "Big Show."

Let's just skip the interview and go back to my bedroom

In an awkward attempt to defend himself, Dan tries to explain the theory of "shrinkage" to Brooklyn and his listeners.

Dan: "I'm en fuego in my pants".

Dan: You know, I was in a Hootie in the Blowfish video.
Brooklyn: Who's that?
Dan: Ummm. Is your mom hot too?

Can I see you naked?

Hey wait a minute! I'm a very versatile actor. I was a cop in The Longest Yard remake. In Chuck & Larry I was a cop and in The House Bunny I was a ....WTF where is my agent?

BD: 5' 9". 120.
DP: Ding!

Dan telling Brooklyn that if he had a million dollars, he'd do two chicks at the same time.

The Karaoke Bar blows...

DP: Oh god, I roofied my drink by mistake. Im getting sleepy, how am I supposed to get in her pants now?

See, Brooklyn, now that I don't work for ESPN anymore, I get the unauthorized photos of Favre...you didn't know Wrangler jeans could do that, did you?

Alright Brooklyn, I have to ask, what's it like giving Dr. Z his weekly spongebath?

DP: Is that...
BD: (Creepy smirk)
DP: ...Andy Roddick's naked tennis lesson
BD: (Still smirking)
DP: I can't keep my eyes off it, it's beautiful.

Brooklyn: "Mr. Olbermann, can you get out from under the table? It is hard to talk on the radio with you doing that and tickling me so much."

Dan: "Meh, you get used to it."

Patrick: Hey Brook, did you hear that Mark Cuban was busted for Insider trading?

Brooklyn: That's what she said.

Please stop doing that to the mic, you're making it very hard to interview.

BD: Why do you have Enzyte on your computer screen?

DP: It's not what you think. I'm just making an order for Peter King

You know Brooklyn, this beer isn't the only thing on the table with drinkability.

Brooklyn: So, what can I do for you Dan?

Dan: Okay, here's what I want. First, we both get naked.

Brooklyn: So far so good.

Dan: Except we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuuzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails, and you shave my buttocks.

DP: "Hold up. Why are you and the producer clowning me? I only had one Smirnoff Ice at lunch and now I'm a lightweight?"

DP: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

Brooklyn, so that's why it was nicknamed the Big Show

No Dan, I won't do that even if you offer me an NCAA Basketball 09 video game...so stop asking!

Dan: I bet you didn't know this show had Smell-O-Vision, did ya?

Brooklyn: I thought I smelled something funny.

Dan: Yeah, why do you think I saw "The Whiff" so often?

Brooklyn: Mr. Patrick, you have a *massive* erection.
Patrick: Oh, uh, it's the pleats...

Geez... All those years of hanging around Dr. Z have rubbed off on young Brooklyn.

What do you think Keith? Wait a minute, who is this? Where's Keith Olbermann.

BD: "So I told Andy that if he didn't have to spend two weeks at Wimbledon, or Australia, or Paris, or New York City, this year I'd let him try on my lingiere"

DP: "Wait a sec, how to I get in on this action?"

BD: "I am sinking to a new low. First Dr. Z and now this tool."

DP: "Olberman is much better looking."

Dan: So, I have heard the tunnel is the best way to get into Brooklyn (wink wink)

"For the last time NO! I do not want to watch your 'little big show."

Did you know I write for SI now? Yeah, yeah...so Riles told me I get to see each of you guys naked. Ha, ha how 'bout that guy? You're right, he is funny...now let's see those things before we get back from the break. Listen, I didn't want to go there, but it's in my contract, so...

Hey Keith, how do you like me now?

Dan: Sometimes, when I get drunk, I do these crazy things with my new touch screen. Check out what I can do to your swimsuit spread photos.

Yeah, these webcams are neat. Look, I can wave to it and you see it here on the screen. So, do you and Andy have one of these? You want one? Look, I can buy you booze too so let's make this snappy. Olberman's waiting in the wings with the lotion and feathers.

since seton and pauly are probably reading these comments as part of their show prep...are you relieved to know she wasn't in a bikini?

-dan

DP: "So how did you and Andy first meet?"

BD: "After his 6th consecutive 2nd round grand slam loss I asked him if he wanted to go shopping first and then have sex. He got so excited when we got to the GAP that we spent 4 hours trying everything on and forgot about the rest of the evening."

No Brooke, I can't get you "in" with Stuart Scott. I already told you, I don't work there anymore.

The Dan Patrick show, in an break from its usual format, featured 45 minutes of what most listeners heavy breathing into the microphone today. The audience found it favorably over the old format, and hope the experiment continues.

DP "remember that time you were in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition?

BD "yes, what about it?"

DP "Yeah...that was awesome"

This interview was going smoothly until Keith Olbermann labeled Brooklyn the Worst Person in America.

You Are Exiting Brooklyn. Please Come Again.

Fergie Ferg and me love you long time! (Oh...thats a model? Whoops)

Does Andy give you the open-palm grope in public, too?

Dan: Do women know about shrinkage?
Brooklyn: What do you mean like laundry?
Dan: No, like when a man goes swimming afterwards.
Brooklyn: It shrinks?
Dan: Like a frightened turtle!

Dan: Do women know about shrinkage?
Brooklyn: What do you mean like laundry?
Dan: No, like when a man goes swimming afterwards.
Brooklyn: It shrinks?
Dan: Like a frightened turtle!

Brooklyn: My boyfriend says you've got a screw loose.

Dan: Your boyfriend molests collies.

DP: Sure you're hot, Brooklyn, but nowhere near as hot as the all new NCAA Basketball 09 from EA Sports. Featuring the all new new Game Tempo Control and revolutionary pick and roll controls, this game is sure to change sports video games as we know them!
BD: That sounds amazing! Any man that doesn't purchase this game must be inadequate in bed and would never get a woman like me!

DP: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.

BD: Excuse me?

DP: The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?

BD: Dan, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?

Dan: "Wait for it.. wait for it... See! I told you they smelled like cherries!"

Dan: C'mon Brooklyn, they're not even all that funny. Most of these AA caption contest winners are just recycled Saved by the Bell quotes anyway.

Dan: This 2009 SI Magic Eye calendar is fantastic. You are... simply en fuego... as Ms. March

Brook: That's the Women's calendar... but Brady Quinn is a hottie.

"Brooklyn, you weren't supposed to see that on my laptop. Olbermann and I are JUST FRIENDS! I SWEAR!! Look away!"

Dan:You know the cleveland steamer? Maybe later we can invent the Brooklyn Decker?

Caller: "Dan, have you thought about putting her bikini top on your head?"

Dan: "Dammit Screener! I told you never let Marv Albert on my show again!"

Patrick: WHOA THERE....eh...um I swear those pictures of you are on there for artistic reasons only...I'm a huge photography buff...

Yes, yes, Brooklyn, you're very attractive, but look at this- FJM hung it up! This is news!

no seriously, she just pee'd in a glass. Im not making this up. When Olbermann gets here, well, i hope hes not thirsty, cuz im gonna tell him its coors light.

Dan--"Oops. I forgot I left Chris Cooley's blog up. You didn't see annnnnything."

Just moments later, Dan would show Brooklyn a 7 1/2 incher that you can't find at Cousins Subs.

Dan: No! Really! I was an all state basketball player! I could've gone to the NBA but I hurt my coccyx. Stop Laughing... Hah... I said Coccyx...

I think we should award the EA NCAA 2009 Basketball to lammy742 for the comments alone!

DP: "You're how old? ... Damn, I've been dying my hair for longer than that."

(she's so hot, yet I can't take my eyes off of Patrick's giant urine sample)

"No sleep til Brooklyn"

So Brooklyn, wanna see why they called it "The Big Show"?

Hold on to that mic Brooklyn, watch the master at work

I signed up for a blogger account and thats my caption.k

Brooklyn Decker: Why is this guy showing me the "2 Girls 1 Cup" video?

Dan Patrick: Don't look away this is my favorite part!

DP: "I'm telling you, just like Kenny said in that other movie I was in, as I am so very famous, they need to do away with the 5th set in tennis and just have a two-man sack race that will be held on consecutive Sundays until a champion can be crowned."
BD: "Um, if that is what you call a sack race, I am sure Andy will not want you watching?"
DP: "How did that get on my computer again?"

After accidentally opening up the folder containing his porn collection, Dan Patrick desperately tries to cover a Photoshopped picture of himself with Decker.

Patrick: Remember that time we danced at the sock hop?
Decker: Yeah.
Patrick: I just wanted you to know I had the hugest boner and I was just wondering if maybe you and I could get together and... work it out.
[Decker walks away disgusted]

Hook a few electrodes up to Keith Olbermann, grab some cards with a couple of wavy lines, and you've got yourself the beginning of Ghostbusters here.

Dan Patrick:
"Brooklyn Decker? I hardly even know her!"

Geez, and I thought that Olbermann was a bitch.

Decker asks what Dan is looking at on the computer when he responds with: DP - Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be Florida if weather were any less hooter than it is - HOTTER than it is. Whew. It is warm out here, isn't it?

BD - Well I think its a bit cool if you ask me.

DP - Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?