The Gem of All Gems!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Okay everyone, I have to preface this by saying that I was saving this for 1) The right moment, and 2) The right way to use it.....

I found this website. A website that contains such hidden comdedy that I can't even begin to express my glee through your computer screen. I thought about teasing the thing and giving you chunks at a time without giving away its identity. I thought about sending an email in and seeing if I could get an interview with the "founder". I even thought about not sharing it and hording it for my own personal enjoyment. But in the end I felt it was my job, nay MY DUTY!, to share this with you.

So without further ado I give you The American Sportscasters Association Online!


The history of sportscasting in America is rich and filled with great moments and great people. The American Sportscasters Association (ASA), through this website, endeavors to capture the greatness and to provide inspiration and guidance. Thank you for your interest in the American Sportscasters Association. We hope that you find your visit enjoyable and informative.

Oh have I ever found it enjoyable and informative! Now I will let you peruse this thing yourself, but there's a couple of things I wanted to show you up front:

First place you have to go is the Interviews Section. Such comdey.....these are going to have to be their own pieces. I'm gonna pick these appart so bad....you have no idea.

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I lead you now to the "Officers and Board of Directors." (List below) I have no idea who Louis O. Schwartz is but I am familliar with the rest, and the interesting thing is that 3 out of the 7 are currently deceased. I'm definitely not making light of their deaths, but you'd think they'd bump a couple of the Advisory board up to the Officer's Level, and at least acknowledge Curt Gowdy's passing.

Officers & Board of Directors

Dick Enberg (CBS Sports), Chairman of the Board
Louis O. Schwartz, President & Founder
Curt Gowdy (ABC Sports), Vice President
Jon Miller (ESPN/Voice of the San Francisco Giants)
Jim Nantz (CBS Sports)
Don Dunphy (Voice of Boxing) Deceased 1998
Jack Brickhouse (Voice of Chicago Cubs) Deceased 1998

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The "Advisory Board" (List Below) just kills me. A few questions (and if anyone can answer these in the comments I'll send you an Awful Announcing T-shirt, due in stores 2011). 1) Who the hell is Jeannie Morris and What is an Adventure Diva? I looked it up at AdventureDivas.com and they describe it as "a broad enterprise that unites adventure travel and modern-day heroines to create fresh new media for television, the web, and print. On our up days we call ourselves a girl-driven media empire. On our down days…well, we just drink more coffee".......How on earth does this relate to sports again? 2) Is it really necessary to have representatives from Quinnipiac University and Georgia State? I mean you couldn't get someone from maybe a Temple or a Clemson? 3) Pat Summerall is listed as such: Pat Summerall - ESPN (fill-in). Who the heck is he filling in for? Please tell me it's Shelley Smith.

Advisory Board

Marv Albert
- TNT Sports & Westwood One Radio
Todd Ant- ABC Radio
Scott Clark- WABC-TV Sports Anchor
Bob Costas- NBA & HBO Sports
Donna de Varona- formerly of ABC Sports
Merle Harmon- ABC/NBC Baseball Announcer, retired
Tommy Heinsohn- Fox Sports/Boston Celtics
Gary McKillips- Georgia State University
Jeannie Morris- Adventure Divas
Bob Murphy- New York Mets (deceased 2004)
Robin Roberts- ABC/ESPN
Bill Schweizer- Quinnipiac University
Pat Summerall- ESPN (fill-in)
Lesley Visser- CBS Sports
Dick Vitale- ESPN
Bill Walton- ABC Sports & ESPN
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Okay...moving on to the ASA Jobs section...my personal favorite is:

7/6/06- CLIENT SERVICES REPRESENTATIVE- Seattle, WA: This position provides support for the sales team and traffic department in the areas of interdepartmental relations, client services, computer data generation, general sales projections and overall administrative assistance. Qualifications include effective time management skills; close attention to detail; knowledge of software such as Word and Excel; and a professional appearance and attitude. Four-year degree in marketing or communications preferred.

Really??? I spent four years at Qunnipiac majoring in Communications to be a Client Services Representative?

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And then finally I give you the Hall of Fame.....

While everyone on this list is very deserving it shows exactly what I was describing in a past article The decline of Announcers is so bad that the Association set in place to reward such individuals hasn't put someone in the Hall Of Fame since 1999!!!!!!!

More later on the interviews, but here's a tidbit from our favorite announcer one Joseph Francis Buck:

Lou Schwartz: "We have many young men and women writing to the ASA asking us how to get on the air. Tell me a little something about your background and how you started."

Joe Buck:
"I would recommend to any young person getting into sportscasting to first get a famous father. Once you pick that up then I think you're fine.

(Now I would never condone harassing emails but Mr. Schwartz does list his email address on the main page)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:22 AM

8 Comments:

Why did you wait until Friday afternoon to drop this bomb? I could have done ZERO work; damn.

Steve said...
Jul 21, 2006, 4:26:00 PM  

My cousin goes to Quinnipiac. This is only the second time I've ever heard of it.

Tom said...
Jul 21, 2006, 5:31:00 PM  

Damn! There is no interview with Tim McCarver or Rick Sutcliffe. Thanks for ruining my life AA!!!

Chernabog said...
Jul 21, 2006, 5:59:00 PM  

hahaa amazing.

Mini Me said...
Jul 21, 2006, 6:16:00 PM  

What, Joe Morgan isn't listed "Special Advisory Assistant"...

Is there no justice in the world???

Jul 23, 2006, 12:05:00 PM  

This is probably the best Onion story of all time

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50036

Jul 23, 2006, 12:11:00 PM  

That is great SOJM.

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Jul 24, 2006, 9:31:00 AM  

Here are some links that I believe will be interested

Anonymous said...
Aug 7, 2006, 2:04:00 AM  

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