Ladies and Gentleman, Your New & Improved Page 2!!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

So I was getting ready to post a Simmons' Review of the latest Sports Guy vs. Gal thing they are doing now, but I decided against it. Do you want to know why? Because I can! (Just kidding...I'm just bored with it.) Basically the article had way too much on Art Shell...who the hell cares about the Raiders anyways? And, The Sports Gal kiiiilled him this week: 11-5, 8-8. She takes the season series lead.

Any_ways, with the recent "downsizing" at Page 2, I was beginning to think there would be no one good left to write for the site. Basically Simmons would be on an island. Well you know what I found out? That's exactly the case. Even though Bayless was a complete ass, I always read his stuff.....Same with Jason "I like to crush couches" Whitlock, he wasn't that bad....and I even enjoyed Shanoff's thing in the mornings (it's how I found Deadspin). What's left you ask?

Well if Page 2 was a basketball team.....for your starters you've got a wily veteran in Jim Caple at center (the point of all things point-less), at Shooting Guard is Scoop Jackson (who is on a bigger tennis kick than Mary Carillo at this point), Eric Neel and Bomani Jones are at the 4 & 5 (the Jared Jeffriessss of sports writing), and at PG you have the rookie DJ Gallo (from Sports Pickle fame). And your coach....none other than Mr. Simmons himself (a virtual Larry Brown).

As far as your bench you have: Tim Keown (who?), Mary Buckheit (who?), Kurt Snibbe (um who?), David Fleming (who's not bad, but writes only once a week), Patrick Hruby (who I like, but tries too hard to be funny), Paul Lukas (I don't care about uniforms), and everyone's favorite Pop Culturist....Chuck Klosterman. Oh and one more person who I need your comments on.......

Greg Easterbrook. He does the Tuesday Morning Quarterback thing for Page Deuce. Today was personally the first time I've ever read it, and......well.....basically.....I don't get it.
(View the latest Tuesday Morning QB Article here) I know he's from and he's versed in all things, well...NFL. But do people actually read this trash? This is going to sound like a joke, but I promise you it's not......his latest article....

9000 Words and 17 printed pages!!!!!!!!!!

Are you kidding me? There's not a chance in hell I would read something A) Poorly called the "Tuesday Morning Quarterback", or B) Something that was a frickin' novel. Here are the topics he covered in no particular order.

  • Cheerleader of the Week
  • Stat of the Week
  • Stargate SG-1
  • Kenneth Star
  • Dan Snyder
  • Fake Punts
  • Sweet Team of the Week
  • Sweet Play of the Week
  • Sweet Block of the Week
  • Sweet and Sour Play of the Week
  • Sweet Defensive Play of the Week
  • Sour Play of the Week
  • Ashton Kutcher
  • Sour Play of the Week #2
  • Beefcake of the Week
  • Buck Buck Brawckkk of the Week
  • Segways
  • The CIA
  • the International Space Station
  • Ronald Reagan Aircraft Carrier
  • NFL Primetime
  • Wacky Food of the Week
  • Sominex
  • Howard University
  • Higher Education
  • Pfizer
Umm so yeaaah......Umm, I don't have that kind of attention span. In fact I don't think you do either which is why you probably didn't even make it through the list. And if you did.....bravo. So I'm adding Easterbrook to my repertoire. I will give you his topic rundown every Tuesday just so you can skip reading it all together.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 4:16 PM


Not sure how you missed it, but Easterbrook has been on Page 2 for years. He got kicked off for a season (last year) because he made a comment that apparently ESPN wasn't too happy with. But he was on Page 2 for a few seasons before that.

I read his writing every week: sure, it's 9000 words, but you're ok with reading multiple 5000+ word columns a week from Simmons, so I don't see the big deal.

As for his actual writing, I go back and forth. On the one hand, I like that he'll talk about things that few other writers, especially those that write for major websites, will talk about, like the NFL stupidly letting DirecTV have the monopoly on Sunday Ticket, or how coaches who don't go for fourth-and-one or -two in enemy territory are idiots. On the other hand, he almost never admits when he's wrong and can go off on some rather boring tangents.

On an unrelated note, I thought today's column was one of the best Simmons has writen in a while.

Zachary Geballe said...
Sep 20, 2006, 6:06:00 PM  

No more Jason Whitlock? Damn. Is he going to go back to writing shitty articles ripping the Royals when he doesn't even follow the team one lick? Leave the Royals coverage to Posnanski Jason. At least he knows what the hell he's talking about.

Chip Wesley said...
Sep 20, 2006, 10:18:00 PM  

TMQ has actual football analysis which is sorely lacking from...well...from everywhere. He may be a creationist who doesn't believe in global warming but I don't hold that against him.

Rob I said...
Sep 21, 2006, 9:29:00 AM  

Here's my thing about TMQ.

It takes reading a few of his articles to get a handle on what he's up to. Then, once you've read a few of his articles, you know what he's up to and you enjoy it for a while. Then, after a period of time, you realize it's pretty much the same thing and get bored with it as a whole and just skim it for the little kernels of interesting stuff.

Still, he's an intelligent guy who adds some interesting insights. Keep trying him, and keep in mind that when he's about to write something you're not interested in, he marks it off and you can skip to the next sub-heading.

Pacifist Viking said...
Sep 21, 2006, 9:50:00 AM  

I used to read TMQ on Page 2 years ago. He was kicked off for saying this about the makers of Kill Bill (Miramax, A Disney Company):

"Yes, there are plenty of Christian and other Hollywood executives who worship money above all else, promoting for profit the adulation of violence. Does that make it right for Jewish executives to worship money above all else, by promoting for profit the adulation of violence?"

I don't really know where to start with this...

Here's his defense:

I do like the nicknames he has for teams especially "Jersey A and Jersey B" for the Giants and Jets.

Anonymous said...
Sep 21, 2006, 11:37:00 PM  

...Poorly called the "Tuesday Morning Quarterback"...

Poorly named how, exactly? I believe it is the fact that he waits to post his column until after the MNF game, so that the stats and observations are all-inclusive for that week's play. You are familiar with the term Monday Morning QB, right? Sort of a spin off of that, if you follow.

I'm no TMQ apologist, but your statement that this is the first TMQ post you've read is hard to believe. In many ways, I think Simmons, in his prime, aspired to be a hipper version of TMQ. Lose the unexpected yet often times informative science/philosophy/political bits, and substitute reality tv and hollywood living observations or tangents about his college buds, and they are essentially the same articles - the most telling similarity is that they could both use an editor with a hatchet that is just itching to chop some words.

TMQ was dismissed from in 2003. He kicked around for a little while, but I think he spent the last two years on I'm pretty sure his TMQ column had a temporary space between ESPN P2 and, but I don't know for sure. This is his first season back at P2, and I was shocked that they let him back. They surely are desperate for help if they would openly welcome back someone who once made such harshly critical, and some would say, anti-semitic, remarks about his employers on his weblog. I never discerned the anti-semitic slant to his words, but I think the Disney folks got a little paranoid about perception and cut him loose in a panic.

Not that anyone pays attention to, but Easterbrook's TMQ article ran on their site as early as year 2000, and is still archived there.

That said, you being 27 years old and only reading Easterbrook for the first time this week? If you want people to take your dissections of sports commentators/columnists seriously, which I do, since I check your site regularly, you might want to brush up on your TMQ. If you want to give him the Sports Guy treatment, that's great. But you should know who you are criticizing before you do.

whippersnapper said...
Sep 22, 2006, 8:29:00 AM  

My link got truncated. You can google it if you want. It is one of the first hits under "tmq tuesday morning quarterback".

Regardless, the website is called

How awesome is that?

whippersnapper said...
Sep 22, 2006, 8:37:00 AM  

Fair enough everyone. I'll give it a shot....I won't give it the "Simmons Treatment" right off the bat. We'll see how it goes...

(And yes I know the term Monday Morning QB....that's why Tuesday Morning QB is a cheesy title.)

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Sep 22, 2006, 9:29:00 AM  

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