Opening Day

Thursday, September 07, 2006

LIVE BLOGGING TONIGHT!!! Be there for P-Diddy, The Rascal Flats, and Football. RSVP to your mom.

So in case you weren't aware it's opening day for the NFL. I've purposely passed on giving you another preview/prediction post(s)......and you know why? So I can take the time and do the research to give you the rundown of every announcing team in football.

Yep, that's right.....EVERY announcing team.

What's that you say? You already know every announcing team in Pro Football?

That's why I'm giving you EVERY announcing team in Pro AND College Football with a small factoid about each. Were you aware that there's an announcing team on OLN? You weren't? What about the team that would replace Joe and Troy on Fox if they and four other announcing teams died in a fiery plane crash??? You're not sure? Well that's what I'm here for. Let's get into this......Pro first with College coming later today. In case you're wondering.....i'm giving a write-up on the main team, and a haiku for the back up teams. Why you ask? Because I have no life.....but you already knew that right?


The World Wide Leader:

Mike Tirico
Joe Theismann
Tony Kornheiser

Already reviewed them a couple of times this preseason (here), so what can I say? If anything it's that Joe Theismann is as maddening as ever, so that will ensure good times during the Phildelphia blowout of Green Bay Week 4. Theismann will spend the entire second half fellating Brett Favre, and Tony K. will walk out of the booth and high-tail it out of town (in his bus of course). Fun Tidbit: Mike Tirico went to Bayside High School. Where he was suspended five days for sexually harassing Mr. Belding.


Al Michaels
John Madden

Turducken, Turducken, Turducken, Turducken, Turducken, Turducken
Fun Tidbit: Al is the only anno
uncer to call all four major sports championships (Bob Wolff has also done so, but before the SuperBowl era). Also after all this time he still doesn't understand Madden's use of the telestrator on the Turkey during the Thanksgiving game.


A Team:

Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Sideline= Pam Oliver

As if Joe Buck wasn't overexposed enough he's now on the pregame show. My head is already hurting. Troy isn't that bad in the booth, and still learning a few things. I fully expect for Steve Smith to celebrate a touchdown by punting a baby into the stands around Week 8, so stay tuned for Joe Buck's reaction.
Fun Tidbit: Pam Oliver is listed as a Hostess on Wikipedia....I think they're trying to tell you something P.O......Fridays is hiring.

The Rest:

-Dick Stockton, Daryl Johnston, Sideline= Tony Siragusa
Ex Boy pairs with Dick
Lifeless talk is highlighted
by fat goose squaking
-Kenny Albert, Brian Baldinger, Sideline= Chris Meyers
Chris does double time
Ex-Lineman named Baldy with

Football's Steve Baldwin
-Sam Rosen, Tim Ryan
Hockey Announcer
Moved to Football booth with stiff
That should work very well
-Ron Pitts, Terry Donahue
Ex-player and coach
As one they shall be great team
If egos don't clash
-Matt Vasgersian, JC Pearson, Sideline= Jay Glazer
Newly Developed
Baseball combined with football
Always seems to work
-Josh Lewin, Bill Maas
Main guy has a lisp
Other guy cannot form sentence
Yay Kudos to Fox


A Team:

Jim Nantz, Phil Simms

One of the more likeable teams (and they aren't using sideline reporters!!!), but Nancy's repeated use of the word "guys" has developed into a drinking game for me. But only when I watch the Ravens and Browns games by myself.
Fun Tidbit: My favorite commentating Nantz has ever done was on Golden Tee Golf.....that should tell you how I feel about him.

The Rest:

-Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierforf
Brother hates ex-commish
Dan leaves Enberg in the Dust
Welcome to Boredom
-Dick Enberg, Randy Cross
Dick is getting old
Randy no longer has mustache
Generation gaps
-Kevin Harlin, Rich Gannon
Harlin knows George Brett
Gannon needs to rest hurt neck
Both need much support
-Gus Johnson, Steve Tasker
Clean Cut Gentleman
Mixed with psycho ex Gunner
Yin and Yang Complete
-Ian Eagle, Solomon Wilcots
YES Network Caller
With Sideline reporter Cots
Hello Buffalo
-Don Criqui, Steve Beuerlein
Who is Don Criqui?
Steve is now on his tenth team
Shame it's gonna suck
-Bill Macatee, Rich Baldinger
Another Baldy
Bill should stay on the Tennis scene
Great Job C.B.S.

So there you have it folks. The people who get paid to bring you football every Sunday, Monday, Thursday, and occasionally Saturday. Back with the college lineup later.

P.S.- My predicition for tonight's game.......Steelers 20-14.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 9:41 AM


I really like the combo of Buck and Aikman. They are my favorite crew.

Mini Me said...
Sep 7, 2006, 11:50:00 AM  

Who is don criqui? Is that a serious question? If so, I think you lose the right to blog about announcers ... if it's in jest I am not sure I get the reference ... please clear that up for me. I was thinking this blog had some promise, but I am not so sure now.
BTW- probably give you some credibility if you spell the names of the announcers correctly ... ie- Harlan.

lusportsfact said...
Sep 7, 2006, 1:21:00 PM  

A- Yes, I know who Criqui is.
B- Read the rest of the site to get the joke
C- As far as spelling mistakes refer to this.

Thanks for your time....come again.

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Sep 7, 2006, 1:32:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
lusportsfact said...
Sep 7, 2006, 2:21:00 PM  

Been reading this site for about a month now ... maybe I'm not smart enough to understand the Criqui thing. The guy has lost his fastball on TV, but they give him gigs and he's not the bottom guy, so you have to give him props for that.

I do think your Simmons stuff is mildy amusing, but your Bayless stuff is a bit much, considering he had no audience and the shows he's on get no ratings. But everyone must have a purpose, so imagine yours is an assault on Skip Bayless.

Oh, and I didn't know you needed to be a journalism major to spell the last names of the announcers you are critiquing correctly. I thought you just needed to pay attention to detail. Would help your cred. But I'm not certain you care about having any cred.

"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." I hope that reference isn't lost on you. It's not from "Old School."

lusportsfact said...
Sep 7, 2006, 2:23:00 PM  

First....Glad you've been reading, and you are definitely not the first to give me that quote from Animal House.

Second....I thought it was pretty smooth that you erased the post in which you wrote "The guy has lost his fastball on TV, but they give him gugs and he's not the bottom guy, so you have to give him props for that."

Kinda of ironic to post a comment, about spelling mistakes, with spelling mistakes.'re very right....I don't care about credibility.

As always, thanks for reading.

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Sep 7, 2006, 2:35:00 PM  

P.S.- Thanks for the critique of the site....When will I see it in the New Yorker?

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Sep 7, 2006, 2:41:00 PM  

Relax, Lu. Not all of us have your apparently eagle-eyed attention to detail.

Now, I can't speak for Brian, but I imagine that most bloggers write for their own enjoyment and don't concern themselves with "credibility." If you actually have read this blog, it consists of one man's OPINION. I've yet to see where he tries to establish his OPINION as fact.

It's one thing if you disagree with his opinion about Don Criqui or whomever. But if all you can criticize is someone's spelling, then just keep it and your air of superiority to yourself, mmmkay?

The 26th Man

Sep 7, 2006, 2:48:00 PM  

Man I wish our website had someone hating us. AA you are lucky to have committed readers like lusports.

i'll do a shamless plug here if its ok with you.

Sep 8, 2006, 1:50:00 PM  

the "hello buffalo" ending of the eagle/wilcotts hiaku...brilliant. as was the rest. kudos.

mkenny59 said...
Sep 8, 2006, 1:56:00 PM  

lu is a rapist...see, you can say anything on the internet

Sep 8, 2006, 2:57:00 PM  

One of your haikus had "very" counted as one syllable. I'm pissed.

Sep 8, 2006, 3:03:00 PM  

Ahh crap you're right Unitard...oh well. I came up with each by freestyle so one mistake isn't bad.

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Sep 8, 2006, 3:06:00 PM  

I like your style, but
You haiku like a fucktard,

Sep 8, 2006, 3:58:00 PM  

I think we know who the fucktard is. Good work on botching that one.

AwfulAnnouncing said...
Sep 8, 2006, 4:04:00 PM  

Jealousy doesn't suit you.

Sep 8, 2006, 4:17:00 PM  

Joe Buck has to be the worst anouncer in both baseball and football, but especially football. I would like to heat up a hammer with a blow torch and throw it through his head.

ASHAH said...
Sep 18, 2006, 2:09:00 PM  

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