The Simmons Review- V.14, I Dream of Billy

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Okay so I wasn't going to do one of these this week, but after last night I am compelled to. I (your humble host of all things awful) had a dream about Bill Simmons last night. No this isn't a joke or anything I've made up.....I had a dream about the Sports Guy last night.

The Dream: I am sneaking into this Bill Simmons Fantasy Boot Camp to write a piece for the site. Well we are outside what I can only assume is his parent's house in Massachusetts and he's yelling at us "bloggers" (I used a fake blog to get in) drill sergeant style. It's a stay over camp and I'm staying in a tent in his backyard. Well, we each get one on one time with Bill and as he's "critiquing" my blog he shows me a newspaper clipping and points to a quote that reads "Is there something you'd like to admit?". I say no and we begin to walk towards the door. I stop him and say...."Okay you're right. It's me. I'm Awful Announcing." Bill replies, "Yes, I know" and gives me a speech about not picking on people and then invites me to his wedding.

We head to the wedding where I meet J-Bug who looks like he wants to beat me up (in fact he looks a lot like Sean Astin). Well we're at the reception where I meet the best man....none other than one William Zabka. F'ing awesome! Well the dream ends as I'm sneaking around his parent's house looking for damning evidence that he was once a Kansas City Royals fan or something.

I wake up and I'm wearing a Kevin Youklis jersey and scream into the early morning, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The End.
So there you have it. That's my dream in a nutshell....onto the review. Living In Daunte's Inferno

Recycled Culpepper joke....Recycled Culpepper joke....Recycled Culpepper joke....Recycled Culpepper joke....Recycled Culpepper joke....Recycled Culpepper joke....Recycled Culpepper joke.

Tuck Rule, Tuck Rule, Tuck Rule.

Now the only real beef (besides that it sucked) I have with the article is that his statistics are all f'ed up again. He says,
"Cunningham had four good seasons, peaked as a runner in '91 (118 carries, 942 yards, 11 TDs), blew out his knee the following season and was never the same."
Well SG, Cunningham's knee was blown out in 1991, so how did he get all of those rushing yards? Oh was in 1990. Good fact checking Billy.

Your current standings: SG, This week: 8-4-2. SGal, This week: 8-4-2.....Season Leader SGal

Grading: Sports Guy (1.5 out of 5) Sports Gal (3 out of 5) My Dream (5 out of 5)

I also have a mission today. Bill will be chatting in SN today, and I must get a question about my dream answered! Simmons Chat

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:07 AM



"I thought of this as well the other day when I read a long post on a sportsblog ripping into Bill Simmons."

- Malcolm Gladwell

arcuRADIO said...
Sep 29, 2006, 11:58:00 PM  

What, pray tell, do you consider acceptable (that is, beyond your shallow reproach) sportswriting? Can you really tell me or anyone else bored enough to read this drivel that Bill Simmons is not an exceptional, inventive, entertaining and accessible sportwriter? Seriously? Your opinion is one thing and you are entitled to it, but baseless criticism for the sake of it, or rather, because he made fun of your team or your city, is not only trite and trendy but pathetically inane. I agree with your premise that there is a whole grating legion of awful announcers out there polluting the sports world but counting Bill Simmons among them is careless.

TO619 said...
Oct 26, 2006, 1:12:00 AM  

Post a Comment