So reader RB sent me an email telling me that I just HAD to find Gary Thorne and Steve Phillip's conversation about the Canseco book this morning. I searched Red Lasso and finally found it in the Top of the Third Inning and I don't think I've ever been this blown away by an Announcer's idiocy before (maybe Suzyn Waldman).

The talk starts with Gary Thorne mentioning "Jason Giambi's second book", and Steve Phillips corrects him right away. But does that stop Thorne? Of course not....

Okay, let's recap. First, Gay Thorne thinks Giambi wrote the book. Second (after being corrected), jokes about the throw from first to third. And finally, right when you think it's over he says that the two need to have a clubhouse meeting??? Canseco does not play baseball anymore and if memory serves I don't think he ever played First Base.

How clueless can you be? I mean jetlag is a bitch, but that was ridiculous.

I had to double up today because ESPN's Caption for its own article is the funniest thing I've ever read. I don't know if this was intentional or not, but if it was...Hill-Lar-E-Us....

So I was thinking if you might want to caption the caption....Who's up for it??? (God these jokes write themselves....click the photo for the larger version.)


(Head below this post for the other Create A Caption)

Found this one over at CNNSI's Extra Mustard and I have to say it's one of the funniest clips I've seen in quite some time. First Dave is interrupted by Mike and The Mad Dog which is funny in its own right, but the best part comes at the very end......

Looks like A-Rod's off the 'roids. That's a good thing for his new team the Angels (you know he's leaving!)

Dave Does Sports" (Extra Mustard)

This just absolutely blows my mind, but according to Sports Biz, Scott Boras is telling the NY Post and ESPN that his client Alex Rodriguez is worth $500 million dollars over the next 10 years to the Yankees. Darren Rovell had a coversation with Vince Gennaro one of the best Baseball number crunchers in the business, and here's his response....

"A player of A-Rod's stature can have an impact on the value of a team's regional sports network. However, Boras' assertion that he contributes $50 million per year is completely unreasonable. For that to be true, the primary programming would need to be a nightly three-hour talk show hosted by A-Rod and it would need to secure the same 4.7 ratings point on YES that the average Yankee game telecast scored in 2007. More realistically if the Yankees went forward without A-Rod, it's reasonable to expect the team would suffer in terms of wins and losses. Losing seven or eight wins could cost the Yankees nearly a full ratings point, which translates into about $12 million per year in YES revenue. If you add A-Rod's marquee value (same as Boras' 'iconic value'), that could impact the value of the YES Network as an asset to the tune of about another $10 million per year. Keep in mind the Yankees own 36% of YES, so the impact on the Yankees (and therefore the portion of A-Rod's YES Network impact for which they should be willing pay) is about $8 million per year (36% of the total YES impact of $22 million)."

How in the hell does Boras even come up with these numbers, and why hasn't this hurt his bargaining in the past????

Near the end of the season I was going back and forth with my dad about the Orioles. He was telling me that all of the O's players should be traded or sat on the bench for the rest of the season. After first explaining that the trading deadline had passed, I told him that there's no way they would do that because a player (Tejada specifically) with such a large contract is worth more than just what he does on the field. My dad came back with something that I scoffed at at the time, but after this nonsense makes sense. He said, "All of these agents, and TV deals, and player contracts are going to reach a boiling point....and I think that's coming real soon. Sooner or later the fans will be priced out."

After this item from Rovell....I don't think my dad's ever been more right (well maybe the time when he told me not to jump off the top off the house Mary Poppins style with an umbrella and I did it anyway). Seriously, when will Boras lose enough credibility that he hurts his clients more than he helps them.

It's The A-Rod Show! (CNBC: Sports Biz)

Update: Boras contacts Rovell and puts gives his take. The guy knows how to talk that's for sure....

Scott Boras Calls Back (CNBC: Sports Biz)

(posted by OMDQ)

(I'm warning you right now - there's a Goodfellas spoiler in one of the paragraphs below. Although frankly, if you haven't seen Goodfellas by now, you deserve to have it spoiled. Great movie.)

First of all, congratulations are in order for Alex Rodriguez, who finally silenced his critics today with a homerun in his first at-bat against Kyle Davies, the 500th of his career. Everyone is talking about A-Rod passing Barry Bonds for the career homerun record sometime within the next decade, but the column I absolutely can't wait for is the one that tries to explain how Rodriguez's career will turn out just like Jimmie Foxx's (previously the youngest man to 500, Foxx was pretty much done by his mid-thirties) . You know some eternal optimist is working on that as we speak.

With Rodriguez out of the way, the weight of the baseball world falls on the artificially enhanced shoulders of Barry Lamar Bonds (or, as Babes Love Baseball's Sooze likes to call him, Barry Lamar Cheaterface). Barry has been facing a ton of pressure lately, of course, but A-Rod's struggles in New York helped dull the harshness of the spotlight. Now that the Next Homerun King has turned the corner, we can all turn our full attention back to San Francisco.

I was driving home from work today when I heard about Rodriguez's homerun. The update guy on the radio made a joke that since they couldn't play the audio clip until the game was over, we could only guess that it sounded something like this: "[insert crappy John Sterling "Aaaaaaa-Bomb for Aaaaaaaa-Rod" homerun call here]".

This got me thinking. One of the interesting little side stories in this whole "Barry Bonds Homerun Chase" has been the question of how it will be called by whichever play-by-play announcer happens to draw the short straw and is on duty when the historic blast leaves the yard. Joe Buck would be terribly unexcited. Matt Vasgersian would not be pleased. Jon Miller would probably blow a gasket, which I honestly wouldn't mind because I like Jon Miller and think that whatever emotion he shows is genuine, not forced, which makes his work more than a lot of other announcers. But I digress.

I mentioned this topic because when I heard that John Sterling clip, inspiration struck and the perfect call for either of Bonds' next two homeruns popped into my head. I think a little light bulb even appeared in the air.

You know the scene in Goodfellas where Joe Pesci thinks he's about to become a made man, but instead gets a bullet to the back of his head as revenge for killing Billy Batts years earlier? We see the shot, the camera cuts away (to De Niro in the phone booth, I think), then back to the room, where two old Italian hitmen are standing over Pesci's body. The conversation between them goes something like this:

Old Italian Hit Man #1: And that's that.
Old Italian Hit Man #2: Yep, that's that.

That's it. That's the conversation. And you know what? It's an absolutely perfect homerun call for this situation. Personally, I don't mind the fact that Bonds is prettu much guaranteed to break the record. I long ago decided that it isn't worth getting all excited about. Yelling and screaming about it won't change a thing. So my personal plan is to watch when it happens, give my standard response to just about any milestone short of a Red Sox World Series win (standard response: "Cool. Good for him."), and move on with my life. When my kids ask me about Barry Bonds someday, I'll tell them what I saw and let them come to their own decisions about the morality of the situation and whatnot. By then, hopefully we'll have a clearer picture of the entire Steroid Era and what it means to the overall history of the game.

But for the rest of the world, the people who hate Barry Bonds for what he's done to the game of baseball and want to see him banned for life and thrown in prison, could there be a more perfect homerun call than to hear the play-by-play guy say mildly, "So that's that"? I don't think so. You're not dishonoring the moment any further by ripping on Bonds and his contributions to the game, protestations that in most cases come off as contrived and overly planned out (no pontificating from the soapbox, in other words). And you're not cheering blindly for something that happens on the field while ignoring other, more negative, sides to the issue. You're essentially saying, "How should you feel about this? Decide for yourselves." I like it.

So go ahead, play-by-play announcers of the world. Feel free to channel your inner Scorcese and use this call in the event you find yourself behind the microphone when Barry Bonds goes deep for number 756. Trust me, people will love it.

(Usually) Everyday (usually around noon) I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful (or two) of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Friday's Winners.....








"Stuart Hamilton of Wiltshire was tragically killed at Carnoustie yesterday by golfer John Daly. The athlete, long embroiled in a war against his own internal organs, misinterpreted Hamilton's "I (HEART) JOHN DALY" sign as an offer for heart donorship and split open the young man's rib cage with his bare hands."- Oops Pow Surprise (Wins on creativity alone)

"The man's arm is hiding the slashes he got from the steak knife of John Daly's wife"- Chiguy23

"What this photo doesn't show is the back side of this sign: "He only hits me cuz he cares!"- Kyle
____________________________

Are you funny enough to create a headline for this photo of A-Rod and Barry discussing their "grips"?

Daily Links:

It's the Over/Under that everyone should be paying attention to. (Sports Biz)
Bomb Threats are stopping games now? (Richmond Times-Dispatch)
OJ Stars in his own Video Game (The Hater Nation)
Is this the worst time to be a Sports Fan? (Flyers Fieldhouse)
Soccer Team Starts A Brawl....With Cops. (The Pig Pen)
Scott Olsen's Mug Shot is pretty awesome. (Signal to Noise)
Does Eric Wynalda like anything? (Rumors and Rants)
A Minor League Coach is dead after getting hit by a ball (Nyjer Please)
Which Major League Team has the hottest concession worker? (Epic Carnival)
FBI and Sports....a perfect match. (The Huffington Post)

Finally, I was going to post on this, but everyone's already picked it up. The Newest ESPN analyst is shooting off at the mout about Mike Vick.

Very Very questionable decision by Alex Rodriguez's wife Cynthia on her selection of clothing for yesterday's game.....

Yankee superstar Alex Rodriguez's long-suffering wife, Cynthia, may have finally flipped her pretty lid yesterday when she went to a game in The Bronx wearing a tight-fitting, white tank top bearing a foul message on the back: "F- - - you."

The obscene phrase was plainly visible to thousands of fans - including plenty of kids - as she, her 2-year-old daughter, Natasha, and an older woman took their seats in the players' family section of the House that Ruth Built.

I really have only one question....1) When did A-Rod marry Mia Hamm?

MRS. A-ROD IS A BRONX F-BOMBER (NY Post)

Everyone thought he was dirty after the play in the 2004 World Series when he knocked the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's glove. Well now there's even more evidence. They say you're supposed to do whatever you can to break up a double play, but this is a little much don't you think?

You Tube Video of Slide (Embedding disabled on this video apparently shot on my 6th Grade History Teacher's Film Projector)

"He went in late, kind of threw an elbow. It was a little cheap, but whatever," Pedroia said. "I play second base. I've got to turn the double play against the Yankees 19 times a year. And now I know, when he's coming in, my arm slot gets dropped to the floor."

Oh snap! Watch your dome A-Rod!!! It's not the worst cheap shot, but it's pretty bad. The worst I'd give to this guy....

‘Cheap’ slide by A-Rod irks Pedroia (Boston Herald)

The title of this post notwithstanding, Rodriguez clearly does not deserve to be booed for failing to continue his otherworldly domination of major league pitching. Minor slumps or cool streaks are inevitable. I know that. You know that. But do Yankees fans know that? I kinda hope not. More interesting that way.

(Photo: ESPN.com - I believe Bill Simmons refers to that as the A-Rod Face.)

Alex Rodriguez hit two homeruns today, including a grand slam with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, to overcome a poor major league debut from Kei Igawa and lead the Yankees to a 10-7 win over the Baltimore Orioles.

Following the game, Rodriguez was asked why he felt the need to hit a homerun when a single would have sufficed. He chose to express his answer through the majesty of song (NSFW).

Okay, so that didn’t really happen. But it might be worth noting that even after hitting a game-winning homerun, Rodriguez still can’t catch a break from the media. Game story, third paragraph: what starts out as a recap of a pretty good day turns into yet another dig at a great player.

“Rodriguez homered twice, doubled and drove in six runs. Two days earlier, he popped out with the bases loaded to end the eighth in a 7-6 loss to Tampa Bay, a performance reminiscent of his October flop.”

Yeah, Alex Rodriguez was pretty terrible in the playoffs in both 2005 and 2006; a combined 3-for-29 and 0 RBI in nine games certainly isn’t good. But why bother mentioning it in an April game recap that really has nothing to do the last year’s postseason? The point about the Tampa Bay loss is relevant; it happened two days ago in a similar situation. The point about the playoffs? Not so much.

(Photo credit: Syracuse.com)