If you're looking for a slight distraction during halftime, I've got one for you: the wonderful men at the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen recorded what happens when you decide to catch some Z's at a Mets game: people balance empty beer cups on your head.



So wrong, yet so wonderfully right.

(posted by One More Dying Quail)

Of all the great things Joe Morgan has said through the years, the one from the eighth inning of tonight's Yankees-Mets game might be my favorite.

Picture it...David Wright on third, Moises Alou at the plate. Alou lifts a fly to right, Wright tags and scores, Joe suggests he might have left the base early...nothing out of the ordinary.

Until the replay shows that Wright did not leave early. Not even a little bit. And Joe decides that...

"His top half left quickly, but his foot stayed on the bag."

Brilliant. Just brilliant. Thank you, Joe, for bestowing a fantastic new nickname upon the phenomenal talent that is David Wright. Young Mr. Wright, you are heretofore known to me as Elastic Man.

(And of course, Joe follows it up with his in the top of the ninth: "I've never seen a shortstop that couldn't dance." I'd like to see Cal Ripken, Jr. do the rumba.

Seriously, though, I will grant Joe this: when he says he likes to watch shortstops play the game because they are graceful, I believe him. I think that Joe genuinely enjoys watching the game of baseball, but has never figured out how to convey that love to viewers. When the feeling does come through, it seems to be an accident.)

(posted by One More Dying Quail)

Alright, folks: five more minutes of The Memory Keeper's Daughter (damn you Lifetime!) and it...is...on. Roughly 210 minutes of award-winning broadcasting awaits.

Joe Morgan. Jon Miller. Yankees. Red Sox. ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. NEXT!

I'll do what I can to update this here thing, but leave your thoughts below - please, for the love of God. If this thing doesn't get at least thirty comments, AA might not let me out of the basement.

PregameHoly Christ on a cracker! Those are the greatest shirts in the history of ever! Yellow with a red power tie for Jon, purple on purple for my man Joe. The only word possible to describe this situation is, "Fabulous!"

First Inning
And we're off to a great start for Joe Morgan: "I've watched Dice-K pitch several times on TV this year." Ummmm, really Joe? Because this is only his 4th start. Glad you understand the meaning of the word "several." - Ames

I don't know, Ames - I'll give Joe the benefit of the doubt on this one. Three could, technically, be used to connote "several". Possibly. I think the most important thing to take from this is the idea that Joe is watching games on television. That's huge.

"He's HOT!" - Jon Miller, reading J.D. Drew's name on the lineup - I agree, he IS a handsome man.

That curveball from Hughes made MY knees buckle. I can't wait to see him and Buchholz go head to head one of these days.

"Manny can handle any pitch" Joe Morgan, moments after Morgan was saying Manny was a great hitter because he didnt swing at a pitch he couldnt handle. - pickitup

"The last time there was a Yankee pitcher this young who started at Fenway, it was Jose Rijo!" - Jon Miller - I'll admit, Rijo was great for several years, but I'm not sure Yankees fans want to hear their phenom compared to a guy whose arm pretty much fell off at the age of 30.

Second Inning
Jon Miller says after Casey's ground rule double, "That's a home in run in any other ball park....380 feet".

Well I just checked the right field dimensions of all current baseball parks and come up with Turner Field (390 feet), Comerica Park (388 feet), Ameriquest Field (381 feet), and PETCO Park (387 feet) as being longer than Fenway's 380 feet. - anonymous

Can you feel one of these 4.5 hour 9 inning Red Sox-Yankee Games coming on? I can. - ninjasrpeopletoo

If that happens, I'm not making it past the sixth inning.

Good Lord. I was just thinking, "Tie goes to the runner," and then Joe said it. Pray for me. Please.

"They say this kid is gonna be really special, especially with the glove." - Joe - Where are they gonna put him? First base? Or is Jeter actually gonna give up shortstop in the near future?

Third Inning
Damon steals second again. He is just openly mocking Jon and Joe at this point.

Rough night for Jose Molina. He's been remarkable in his consistency to not block pitches in the dirt.

This game might never end.

Shouldn't Molina be getting a little of the blame for being crossed up on two pitches, leading directly to two runs? He better be getting a talking to from Yadier and Benji later. - ninjasrpeopletoo

Absolutely. You usually expect your catcher to at least get to the ball and knock it down, especially with a runner on third.

Fourth Inning
"Roughly 210 minutes of award-winning broadcasting awaits."

I believe the proper term for this is "misunderestimating".

They mentioned the other night that the average Sox-Yankees game lasts 3 hours and 30 minutes, so that's what I used. Clearly, I should have gone with the over. The WAY over. This is freakin' unbelievable.

"Watch where his left arm is (promptly circles Sean Casey's right arm)." - Joe

Fifth Inning
"Foul ball lands about an inch away from Peter Gammons. Joe and Jon start to jokingly bust on him for not trying to catch the ball. Gammons shoots back that he has bad/frozen hands. Joe puts on his player cap to remind those of us that haven't played the game that it was a good idea not to catch it because "the ball hurts". They don't show Gammons when he responds but his tone says it all. "I know that" roughly translated "I would kill you if ESPN let me"." - anonymous

Joe has been on a crusade this season to make sure everyone is aware of how much the ball hurts when it hits you.

Coco Crisp has apparently decided to bunt for a base hit every time up.

I wanna be annoyed that they're talking about a play from four years ago, but I can't. I will never tire of hearing about Dave Roberts. (Although I thought Tom Gordon was on the mound in Game 5...I'll have to check.)

Yup, Roberts pinch ran in Game 5 and ended up scoring the tying run, but the only role Rivera played was giving up the sacrifice fly that drove in Roberts. Miller somehow managed to get most of the details of that story incorrect.

I don't even know what inning it is anymore - sixth? Yeesh - guess who's not watching the end of this game? (I say that now. Watch, I'll still be up at the end, and hating myself for it.)

Alright, boys and girls. We hit fifty comments (amazing work from everyone), so I'm gonna call it a weekend. Doesn't mean you have to stop, of course - I'm already looking forward to stopping by tomorrow and seeing what other gems you all hear.

Thanks for joining me here over the last couple days. We'll have to do this open thread thing again sometime - next Sunday, same time, same station? Hope to see you all here.

(posted by One More Dying Quail)

We're less than seven hours away from the award-winning production that is Joe Morgan and ESPN Sunday Night Baseball, and Fire Joe Morgan's Ken Tremendous has a little something to whet our whistles:

I Have Good News and Bad News

Arguably the best line: "Just swallowed my computer again accidentally. I am typing this with my epiglottis."

I'm always a little nervous heading into Sunday Night Baseball; what if Joe and Jon don't say anything worthy of criticism (and today is sort of my own personal "ESPN SNB Opening Day")? Then I turn it on, somebody says something silly, and the scared feeling goes away.

(That magnificent photo comes from Surviving Grady)

In all of my years watching Sports I don't think I've ever heard someone refer to a player as a "Runaway Beer Truck". Thanks to Matt Vasgersian's call of this Owen Schmitt touchdown I can cross it off my list.....

I know everyone does these things and creates Best of and Worst of lists, Top 10s, and etc.....but I think we can do it better. It's going to be along the lines of the SI piece done by Richard Deitsch, but with a lot more categories I'm sure he couldn't include (and no Verne Lundquist will not be the Best Announcer).

That's where I need your help. I'm obviously going to have the Best/Worst Lead, Best/Worst Newcomer, etc. and need your suggestions for those categories. But we need more than that don't we? How about Best Sexual Innuendo Quote of the Year? Or maybe Worst Technical Glitch of the Year??? If you have nominees for anything....categories, worst announcers, or even people you thought were great.....leave them in the comments, or email me at AwfulAnnouncing@Gmail.com. Be sure to include your website as everyone who contributes will get a nice quote and a shiny maroon link.

Thanks for your help and hopefully we'll have this up by the New Year.

Cheers,
BP- Awful Announcing

P.S.- The title and logo probably needs a little help too.

These seriously get better and better every single week. I'm telling you ESPN you really have something here. You could just nix the NBA pregame show and have Lou give Pep talks for every team in every sport.

"Washington Wizards, I know you're hurting with Arenas out, but was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"

The superstar musical performance has yet to be named, but the details surrounding ESPN's New Years Eve are....and it's going to awesome! What would you say to a Motocross Rider jumping across a Football field? Radical right??? How about a dude flipping a truck like they do with bikes in the X-Games? Totally sweet right?

Well your wish has been granted. Immediately following the Chick-Fil-A Bowl on December 31st you'll get both!

New Year. No Limits will feature action sports stars Robbie “Maddo” Maddison and Rhys Millen, performing two Red Bull Experiments: a world-record motorcycle jump the length of a football field (Maddison) and a never-before executed truck flip (Millen). Set to begin immediately following ESPN’s coverage of the Chick-fil-A Bowl (at approximately 11:15 p.m. ET on ESPN/ESPNHD), the three-hour special will ring in the new year on both coasts and will feature a live performance by a superstar musician to be announced soon.

At the stroke of midnight Eastern Standard Time following the telecast’s split-screen view of the Times Square ball drop, viewers will see Maddison’s bike jump. Millen’s feat will be performed at midnight Pacific Standard Time. Co-hosted by ESPN commentators Joe Tessitore and Mark Schlereth, with reporting by Jamie Little and Cam Steele, New Year. No Limits will examine the physics behind the feats, the athletes performing them, and where they rank with other contemporary athletes and accomplishments. In addition, the telecast will feature high-end graphic imaging, live cut-ins from the event site, and provide the latest sports news via a 90-minute SportsCenter between jumps.

Such a great idea. I mean what could I want more after a great Football game than X-Games stunts? If you said nothing you are just as rad as this idea. And you know what? Joan Lynch, ESPN Executive Producer and Vice President of Content Development Production (Longest. Job Title. Evar.) agrees with me (and you)!

"ESPN wanted to re-energize New Year’s Eve television with a show that captures the excitement and anticipation of the holiday itself."- Joan Lynch

Dead on assessment of New Years Joan! It's gotten stale and there's nothing like goofy stunts to kick-start (see what I did there?) the failing Holiday again. Besides who wants to watch Maroon 5 and Ryan Seacrest anyway?

(Source: ESPN)

I had to double up today because ESPN's Caption for its own article is the funniest thing I've ever read. I don't know if this was intentional or not, but if it was...Hill-Lar-E-Us....

So I was thinking if you might want to caption the caption....Who's up for it??? (God these jokes write themselves....click the photo for the larger version.)


(Head below this post for the other Create A Caption)

Good day my fellow AAers. Ever since I started this site back in April of 2006 I've wanted to come up with a ranking system for the best and worst announcers and have a page where they rise and fall based on your input. Obviously time is a concern when it comes to these ideas and I never really could find a spot to fit this in. Well now I/we can.

AOL Sports tabbed me to put together a list of 32 of the Worst of the Worst in Sports Media, and break them up into categories. The brackets are broken up into 4 divisions with 8 Awful Individuals in each. The categories are Play by Players, Analysts, Sideliners, and Studio Hosts/Analysts. AOL posted the brackets last evening, and the response and emails I've received so far are tremendous. Please take the time to head over there and vote for the following matchups and read my thoughts on each.....

Who's The Worst Studio Host (AOL Sports)

Studio Host/Analyst Division:

CHRIS BERMAN (1) vs. MAGIC JOHNSON (8)
STUART SCOTT (2) vs. TIKI BARBER (7)
EMMITT SMITH (3) vs. SHANNON SHARPE (6)
STEPHEN A. SMITH (4) vs. LEE CORSO (5)

Analyst Division:

JOE MORGAN (1) vs. REGGIE MILLER (8)
TONY KORNHEISER (2) vs. CHRIS SPIELMAN (7)
TIM MCCARVER (3) vs. BRIAN BALDINGER (6)
DICK VITALE (4) vs. PAUL MAGUIRE (5)

Sideline Reporter Division:

JIM GRAY (1) vs. SAL MASEKELA (8)
TONY SIRAGUSA (2) vs. SHELLEY SMITH (7)
ARMEN KETEYIAN (3) vs. KEN ROSENTHAL (6)
HOLLY ROWE (4) vs. CHRIS MYERS (5)

Play by Play Division:

PAM WARD (1) vs. THOM BRENNAMAN (8)
MIKE PATRICK (2) vs. KENNY ALBERT (7)
DICK STOCKTON (3) vs. BRAD NESSLER (6)
CHIP CARAY (4) vs. BRYANT GUMBEL (5)

One caveat I wanted to clear up before you bring out the pitchforks.....

I was a bit handicapped when making my list because AOL had already come up with the brackets for the "Best Announcers". If you know me, and I think you do by now, there is no one I hate more as a Play by Play Announcer than Joe Buck. For some inexplicable reason they listed Buck as a #7 Seed in the best of category, and I have no words to describe how this happened. Also another AA stable of disdain, Brent Musburger, is a #5 Seed in that bracket.....again, not my doing.

I think you'll find the rest of the division perfectly laid out, and hopefully you'll play along. Special thanks to AOL for giving me the opportunity and vote early and vote often!

P.S.- Please look at that picture above again! To not let the AOLers knock Chris Berman out of this competition. He should win this hole thing, but Magic is going to Santa Clara him in the first round!!!

(posted by OMDQ)

Back in June, I mentioned that Cincinnati Reds outfielder Adam Dunn was on pace to become the first major league player to strike out more than 200 times in a single season.

Fast forward to today: Dunn's record of 195, set in 2004, has been matched - just not by the Reds slugger.

The record-tying player is Philadelphia's Ryan Howard, the 2006 National League MVP who is having another excellent season in 2007 (42 homeruns, 125 RBI, .952 OPS). Howard was fanned by Washington's Joel Hanrahan in the fourth inning of Sunday's game. With six games remaining after today, at least one strikeout in eight consecutive games, and the Phillies very much in the postseason hunt, the big first baseman has an excellent chance at passing the 200 K mark.

(Note: This probably won't be of interest to anyone else, but Dunn was born exactly ten days after me, and Howard was born exactly ten days after Dunn. Just wanted to mention that.)

From AZ Central via Shakedown Sports comes the news that the Super Bowl Kickoff thingy the NFL had planned now has a band! The band is one of the staples of American music. U2, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Coldplay do not hold a candle to this force of melodic perfection!

If you remember these hits from the 1990s and early 2000s, you'll want to rock out at the free party at Glendale's Westgate City Center marking 100 days until next year's Super Bowl.

Sugar Ray, the Southern California rock band led by singer and Extra co-host Mark McGrath, will be the headlining act at the "Countdown to Kickoff . . . 100 Days and Counting" celebration Oct. 27.

"We feel this will appeal to a broad audience, including families, everyone in the community who wants to come out to a fun football festival, and our sponsors," said Erin Brin, vice president of events for the host committee.

("Is Right Said Fred not available? Maybe the Proclaimers??? No? Damn. Fine, tell Sugar Ray we'll take them."- Erin Brin)

True story....I saw Sugar Ray play at the Fairfax Virginia County Fair last year. Mark McGrath is as dreamy as ever in case you were wondering.

Arizona Is Going to Party Like It’s 1998 (Shakedown Sports)
Sugar Ray on for Super countdown (AZ Central)

How I wasn't invited to this is beyond me, but apparently the National Air Guitar Championships were held last night in NYC. The official website states, "When US military and economic leadership faces unprecedented criticism around the world, it is our belief that air guitar represents one endeavour our country can dominate without controversy." Hell Yeah it does!

Last year's winner Hot Lixx Hulahan was on hand to defend his title, and the competition was fierce....

Fourteen regional winners and the defending champion Hot Lixx Hulahan competed in yesterday's contest.

This year's selection of finalists included groups with names like "McNallica" from Boston, "Skeety Jone and Skeety Jone Band" from Chicago and "The Ultimate Loser" from New Orleans. Contestants never "play" an entire song. They only get one minute of a song to prove their air rock worth.

Andrew "William Ocean" Litz brought home the air-filled trophy for his performance.

"For that second round I said you know what this is it. If I slip I slip, if I break a bone I break a bone and hopefully when it is all said and done I walk away with this air trophy I'm holding right here and I did," he said after receiving his prize.

Dammit Hulahan! I paid those judges off Donaghey Style and you blew it when you went of plan with that rendition of "Free Bird"!!! No one does that song in an Air Guitar Off!!!

I dunno if it's these photos below (click for larger version), the fact that there are actual rankings, or the trophy case filled with air, but I'd go to this in a heartbeat. Someone tell me where to apply for credentials next year.
Air guitarists 'bring back essence of awesomeness' in US Air Guitar Championships (Daily Mail)

P.S.- Shred Nugent should have one on name alone.

I don't know how else to preface this, so I'll just go right into it.....Here's your response Saint Louis, straight from Matt Vasgersian via email.....

Subject: Loving St. Louis!

Outstanding give and take fellas ... I'm digging all the grief this seems to have caused. As a loyal AA/Deadspin guy I'm actually pretty fired up to have landed on the radar here. In fairness to the sweaty Midwest, all that "St. Louis bashing" was for the benefit of the locals on our crew who like to ride us San Diegans about being slapped around by the Redbirds in the post-season every friggin' year. Not to mention I proudly rocked an El Camino back in the day myself. Keep blasting !!

Now if you'll excuse me there's a celebrity pull-my-finger tournament looking for a play-by-play guy.

Second Rate Announcer,

Matt Vasgersian

So STL, there you have it. Just a bit of fun between co-workers. Vas also wanted me to mention his devotion for Steak N' Shake and that he'd be wearing a Don Denkinger mask tonight if you're looking for him. Too funny.

Go easy on him St. Louis (if that's at all possible). It was all in jest and I think it speaks volumes that Matt took this all in stride.

Matt Vasgersian Trashes St. Louis (Awful Announcing)
Final Word On The Vasgersian Incident (Awful Announcing)

(P.S.- If anyone is watching in SD tonight....please hit record!)

Here it is in all its tainted glory....

That's exciting isn't it? No??? I agree. Bud Selig's reaction....priceless.

This is going to be everywhere today, but I had to post it this morning. How this dude doesn't die is beyond me....

50 feet people....5 whole stories....onto wood. The shock in Tony Hawk's voice is terrifying, and this dude just gets up and walks off. Hell....did you see his shoes fly off?!?!?! They went flew like 20 yards away! Wow.

Jake Brown, Immortal (Brahsome)

I mentioned this new show before, but all of the details about the program and it's debut have been released. And while a lot of ESPN's ideas have been sketchy (at best) lately....this one might actually be a winner.

The show will air Monday through Friday at 3:30pm on ESPN. Rece Davis will be your host of the 30-minute show with Kirk Herbsteit and Lee Corso helping out for the first two shows. Others to be featured include: Chris Spielman, Bob Griese, Robert Smith, Desmond Howard, Jim Donnan, Lou Holtz, Ed Cunningham, and Joe Schad.

Starting with the debut, and going through the first 25, the main focus will be a debate each of their Top 25 Heismann Candidates. How they came up with 25 is beyond me, but the guest list for those shows is pretty impressive....

* Live interviews with Heisman Trophy candidate running backs, including Rutgers’ Ray Rice in-studio (Monday, July 23), and Boise State’s Ian Johnson (Tuesday, July 24) and Arkansas’ Darren McFadden (Friday, July 27) via satellite.

* Live interviews with top coaches, including LSU’s Les Miles (Monday, July 23), Ohio State’s Jim Tressel (Tuesday, July 24) and USC’s Pete Carroll (Thursday, July 26).

* Feature on Florida quarterback Tim Tebow and a look at why several of USC’s top players decided to return to the Trojans instead of entering the NFL Draft.

* Segments from a roundtable discussion on what it is like to coach at Notre Dame with current coach Charlie Weis, and former Notre Dame coaches Ara Parseghian and Lou Holtz with Brent Musburger moderating. The 30-minute Notre Dame roundtable is scheduled to be aired Wednesday, Aug. 29 as part of a special College Football Live from 7 to 11 p.m.

* On-campus performances from 10 members of the Grambling State Tigers marching band (Monday, July 23) and USC Trojans marching band (Tuesday, July 24).

Actually I take that back...that's not "pretty" impressive...it's VERY impressive. The program also has some other interesting angles that will be discussed throughout the year....including, but not limited to....

* “Senior Thesis” will follow several top senior players through a personal video diary they document exclusively for College Football Live.

* “Sound Off” will feature home viewer-generated video on topics ranging from why their favorite team, campus or tailgating scene is the best to what players should win the Heisman Trophy. Fans can log onto ESPN.com for additional details on how to submit a video for the show.

Sorry for the length of this post, but I think this is all pretty interesting stuff and perhaps the best thing ESPN has put together in awhile. Can someone explain to me why they only spend this much energy and creativity on College Football though?

Oh and on those video submissions....someone get Kige Ramsey on the horn!!!

(Source: ESPN Press Release)

ESPN Begins to Promote College Football Live (Student Body Right)

I thought those cheap little Fantasy Football trophies were the cheesiest thing ever, but no....they've been topped. Via Majorly English and SbB comes this insane tidbit.

EA Sports and Madden 2008 are offering "Championship Rings"....

REDWOOD CITY, Calif., - July 16, 2007 – Electronic Arts Inc and Jostens. Inc. today announced that the highly anticipated Madden NFL 08 for next generation consoles will give players the opportunity to extend the Madden NFL 08 experience to the real world by giving them the ability to purchase their own custom-designed “Ring of a Champion”. Based on the player’s Madden Gamer Level, the Ring of a Champion showcases the progress of a Madden NFL 08 gamer, and each ring can be customized to recognize the player advancements through the game. These rings are a direct representation of a player’s achievements and game skills. Madden NFL 08 will be available for purchase beginning August 14.

Oh my good lord. Someone call the Apocolypse Department at SI. I think Brooks from SbB said it best when he emailed me the story...."There should be a law against anyone over 9 yo wearing them." Amen.

Oh, this? It’s just my Madden 2008 Championship-style ring (Majorly English)
EA Sports Offers Madden 08 Rings to Game Players
Madden really wants you to Ring in ‘08 (Joy Stick)

AA is going to be off tomorrow. Yeah it sucks, but nothing has happened in the last few days , and none of you read on Fridays anyway.

With that said I wanted to leave you with some breaking news for the weekend. There's going to be yet another awesome ESPN Cross Promotion that'll be coming to a SportsCenter near you. Via Dan Lebatard's Radio Show Thursday Evening comes this joyous nugget.....

Wilbon, Herbstreit, and Keyshawn are being replaced for Round 2 in the Who's Now tournament...any guesses on who'll replace them? You'll never guess so I'll just tell you.

Kevin James (yes!), Mike Greenberg (oh yeah!), and (drumroll)....Jessica Biel!!!


Hell yeah SportsCenter! You did a cross-promotion with Die Hard 4....why not do one with Chuck and Larry? You can also tie it in to your Who's Now crap!!! F'ing Brilliant. There hasn't been a press release yet, but according to AA's associate editor for the week....Lebatard was all over this on his daily radio show.


Someone shoot me now...well let me get a look at Biel, and then off me.

UPDATE: Just linking in the video so you can see JB in all her glory.

Who's Now Round 2: Video