I'd been looking for this clip all morning, and thanks to reader AS, it has been found! Last night during a Sports Center Right Now segment, John Saunders brought up the Barry Bonds documents that were released yesterday. Well Saunders threw it back to Mike Patrick, who was calling the Duke-Clemson game, and being one who's not shy about expressing his opinion (see: Spears, Britney), Patrick decided to chime in.

Wow. He's not playing around, is he? Just send that f'er right to jail! My favorite part though are the reactions from the rest of his team. Jay Bilas doesn't even know what to say, and then Heather Cox says she "doesn't know how to follow that." You know you've said something crazy if you render your entire crew silent.

Too funny.

I know this seems like a filler post (and it us), but I figured I'd give ESPN a spot here on a slow news day. Here are your ESPY Award finalists for 2008 and there are certainly some interesting categories and nominees to talk about. Most notably and almost sacreligious is the fact that ESPN has nominated Barry Bonds for Best Recording Breaking Performance. I don't know if they have something worked out ahead of time but after the way ESPN covered him the past year I don't know if he's showing up.

Oh and the simple fact that "The Game Plan" is nominated for Best Sports Movie makes me want to throwup. To the categories!
_____________________

Best Male Athlete:
Tiger Woods, Tom Brady, Kobe Bryant, Alex Rodriguez

Best Female Athlete:
Lorena Ochoa, Candace Parker, Danica Patrick, Lindsey Vonn (skiing)

Best Moment:
H.S. Softball Sportsmanship, Lester's No-Hitter, Danica Patrick's first win

Best Team:
Red Sox, NY Giants, Celtics, Kansas Jayhawks, Tennessee Vols Women's BBall, Red Wings

Best Play:
Trinity Laterals, Manning to Tyree, Minnesota's Buzzer Beater (Hoffarber), Rick Nash Goal

Best Upset:
Appalachian State over UM, Da'Tara, NY Giants, Fresno State (CWS)

Best Breakthrough Athlete:
Adrian Peterson, Stephen Curry, Kyle Busch, Ana Ivanovic

Best Record Breaking Performance:
Barry Bonds, Tom Brady and Randy Moss, Brett Favre, Usain Bolt (Track and Field)

Best Male College Athlete:
Tim Tebow, Tyler Hansbrough, Michael Beasley

Best Female College Athlete:
Candace Parker, Angela Tincher (Softball), Rachel Dawson (Field Hockey)

Best Sports Movie:
Resurrecting the Champ, The Game Plan, Semi-Pro, Leatherheads

The Hummer "Like Nothing Else" Award:
Manny Ramirez, Sidney Crosby, Ashley Force, George Martin
____________________

I really wish I was making those last two categories and nominees up, but alas I'm not. There are also the annual awards for Best Player in each Sport, but you can guess who all those involved are with the one exception of Bob Sanders for Best NFL Player.

ESPY Nominees (ESPYs.TV)

(posted by OMDQ)

Last night, I did something that has become increasingly rare in recent weeks: checking the "sports newspapers" section of my Google Reader. With all the blog feeds I have coming in, there's not a lot of time to read the newspaper stuff, so I just try to check it out when I have a spare moment or two.

I'm glad I chose to do that last night, because one of the first things I read was today's "Sound Off" column from the New York Post. And the very first letter? A "Barry Bonds is ruining the game of baseball" rant. Excellent.

Look, this is my opinion on hating Barry Bonds and his possession of the homerun records - if you're going to present your case rationally and give some legitimate reasons for your feelings, then hate away. There's no rule in life that says you have to like everybody. If all you're going to do is mindlessly parrot what you read in the newspaper and on the Internet without stopping to wonder how much of it is true, however, do us all a favor: shut up for a minute and try thinking independently for a change.

This is why that letter in the Post caught my attention: because almost everything in it is crap that you hear all the time in relation to Bonds, much of which comes from people with little sense of history. For instance:

Congratulations to Barry Bonds for officially ruining the integrity of the game of baseball.

The Chicago Black Sox did not officially ruin the integrity of the game of baseball. Gaylord Perry did not officially ruin the integrity of the game of baseball. Pete Rose did not officially ruin the integrity of the game of baseball. Barry Bonds, that jerk - HE officially ruined the integrity of the game of baseball. Now pitchers have to groove fastballs to Alex Rodriguez and Albert Pujols for the next ten years just to make up for it.

He has managed to hit 756 home runs off second-rate pitching,

Oddly enough, Bonds faces the same pitchers as everyone else. It's not like the rest of the league had to deal exclusively with Roger Clemens and Johan Santana while Barry stepped in against Kip Wells and a pitching machine every night. If bad pitching is one of the legitimate reasons he has hit so many homeruns, then why isn't anyone else even close to 700?

in ball parks far smaller than those the old timers played in,

Small or not, guess which major league ballpark is one of the most difficult places to hit homeruns? That's right - AT&T Park in San Francisco, where Bonds has played half of his games since the 2000 season. (In 2001, the year he set the single-season record with 73 homeruns, it was the 32nd worst park for homeruns.) And before that, he spent seven years in Candlestick Park - the same place that people always claim robbed Willie Mays of at least 100 career homeruns. Imagine if Bonds had played in a homerun hitter's paradise like Coors Field?

using extensive body armor in order to lean over the plate.

I'm not sure what the big deal is about "extensive body armor" on hitters. Does it give them more confidence, knowing they don't run the risk of taking a fastball off the elbow? Of course. But we're talking about protection of one area on the body - that 10-15 inch area on his lead arm, which shouldn't stop pitchers from putting one in the middle of his back or under his chin if they really want to take back the inside part of the plate. Bonds doesn't get hit all that often, however - only 105 times in his career (compared to 121 so far for Alex Rodriguez, who is eleven years younger).

And if that wasn't enough, he needed to take performance-enhancing drugs to accomplish the feat.

Good thing you mentioned this, cause it might actually have a place in the discussion. And cause those points you made above certainly weren't enough.

His home run record should be expunged,

Have we altered the statistical records of the 1919 Chicago White Sox and Cincinnati Reds, even though the White Sox didn't always play to win and the Reds have better numbers because of it? How about Gaylord Perry - how many of his 314 career wins should we take off the books because he cheated and threw a lot of spitballs? Or Pete Rose - does he get to keep all 4,256 of his hits despite being expelled from the game for breaking its cardinal rule? There's an idea. Let's wipe Rose off the books. Then Ty Cobb will be the all-time hit lea - no, wait, he was a racist asshole. He can't be in possession of such a distinguished record. Let's get him out of there as well. Who's next? Hank Aaron? That's more like it. We like Hank. He deserves records.

though he should get to keep the record for the greatest increase in hat size over a career.

I have no idea if the hat size increase is actually true or not, but I'm sick of hearing about it. So stop it.

The one thing this letter didn't mention that I could have actually understood was Bonds' personality. If you don't want him to hold the homerun record because you think he's a jerk who kicks puppies and pulls the wings off flies and doesn't make a good role model , that's fine by me. That's your opinion. But don't pretend that he's the only person in baseball history who has ever done anything bad and gotten away with it (like Perry did), or that he deserves to have his records taken away or asterisked because we're pretty sure he came about them through questonable ethics. If you feel that way, go ahead and take the time to tell your kids and grandkids about Barry Bonds: that he was one of the most phenomenally talented baseball players ever and almost certainly the most feared hitter you ever saw, but that he chased the siren song of immortality and possibly risked permanent damage to both his health and his legacy.

I was checking out the stories of interest for newspaper coverage this week, and the same city kept popping up: San Francisco.

Barry hit his love-him-or-hate-him-its-his-record-now homer. Bill Walsh passed away. A handful of Bay-area universities are gearing up for football season. We're dealing with a lot of ish here.

So, no East Coast Bias here at Awful Announcing - we're going west, young personage of indeterminate gender.

The newspaper of record is the San Francisco Chronicle, and it's chock-full of great stories this weekend.

First up, Barry hits his dinger, and sports columnists start feuding over whether it's legit or not. Some "edgy" writer going by the nom de plume of Betting Fool is acting incredulous that the media is all over Bonds' jock looking for track marks. But he tries to cast it as an east coast-west coast feud. Outside of the hip-hop game, that just doesn't fly.

* The New York Daily News is home to Mike Lupica, the "Shetland Sports Columnist," who has been pissy about the Bonds thing from the start. He ends his latest column with: "Once, 33 years ago, the home run record, off the bat of Aaron, was the greatest and most glamorous record in baseball. Not anymore. Now it is Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak. That's it and that's all."

Big shock he inserts a Yankee record over Bonds, a few dozen hits strung together over a two-month period? Or more than 750 homers? Yeah, good call.

Come on Shetland Sports Columnist, you know the greatest record in sports is the Yankees choking away a 3-0 lead in the ALCS to the Red Sox.

If you're gonna pop off, pony boy, stand up when you do it. Oh wait, you already are.

What the hell is the deal recently with San Franciscans hating on short people? First Bonds vs. Costas, and then Brave Anonymous Mouthy Columnist vs. Lupica? Also, the ad-hominem attack in the middle of a column seems out of place. But I guess hate sells these days, especially if it's in response to other hate.

Henry Schulman notes that the fire sale gained steam almost as soon as Barry did his thing, too. Mark Sweeney, known primarily for his ability to pinch-hit in a tight spot, is on his way to the Dodgers.

Sweeney's last act for the Giants was his 16th pinch-hit of the season, a sixth-inning single. Last month, he collected his 151st career pinch- hit to pass Manny Mota for second all-time. Now he will work with Mota, a Dodgers coach. Sweeney remains one of the best at what he does, but he is a commodity the 2007 Giants no longer need.

"To be frank, we're not a good enough team to have a guy like Mark on it, a premium pinch-hitter," Sabean said.

The new name in town is Rajai Davis (part of the Matt Morris trade), who will probably see a lot of playing time in Left now that Barry is done forcing his way into the record books.

Rajai Davis splayed his youthful exuberance all over the field in a defeat that resulted in a split of four games against the Nationals. Davis had his first career three-hit game with a bunt single, bloop double and solid single. He also stole two bases and scored the Giants' run.

Davis became the 10th Giant to start in left field this season, as Barry Bonds rested, and made his first start against a right-handed pitcher, Joel Hanrahan.

Don't you just hate it when exuberance gets splayed all over the place?

Changing gears now, Nancy Gay gives a fond hometown farewell to the beloved Bill Walsh:

Before and after the service, amid the warm, sun-splashed gathering in Stanford's Serra Mall, the message of love and togetherness that Walsh hoped to foster at his memorial positively flowed.

Not through tears, or sadness. But through hugs and kisses and long embraces that reminded everyone there that they were all bound together, by a man whose commitment to perfection, to achievement and winning and sacrifice touched them so profoundly.

"I feel so much joy here today! This is my family! These are my people. And I love them. I truly do," exclaimed former 49ers wide receiver Freddie Solomon, who was one of countless Walsh charges to feel the exact same way.

And just in case you wonder who was in charge of the 49ers while everyone else was at the service, it looks like Mike Singletary kept his eagle eye on the team for an hour or so:

At 9:41 a.m. Thursday, Mike Singletary became an NFL head coach ... for 89 minutes.

Singletary appreciated the poignancy of his brief stint in charge of an NFL team coming on the same day that Walsh was eulogized. Like many a young coach, this former ferocious linebacker sought Walsh's counsel when he decided to get into coaching.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to call out the editor who let "former ferocious" go. One, it's stilted. Two, I'm pretty sure Singletary is still ferocious, so I'd prefer "ferocious former linebacker". But that's just me.

And, not to be outdone, the cross-bay Oakland Raiders announced.... their new long-snapper.

Up until now, most members of Raider Nation probably hadn't heard the name Jon Condo. And the job of long snapping probably has not been a hot topic of conversation in the Black Hole.

That could change.

Oh, my. I guess you have to try to wring some excitement out of the Raiders beat however you can, but that was some mighty purple prose for a special-teamer.

In College Football news, Cal's Nate Longshore has been added to the Manning award watch list. I would also like to announce that he is in consideration for the Pac-10 Porn Name All-Stars once again this season.

The Manning Award was created in honor of the college football accomplishments of Archie, Peyton, and Eli Manning, and will be presented to the winner following the bowl season. It is the only quarterback award that takes into consideration the candidates' bowl performances.

What, we couldn't wait around for Cooper?

And the Stanford Trees Cardinal are happy to get a two-sport star back on the field after a baseball incident jeapordized his football career:

Toby Gerhart smiles at the pun that his lack of participation in spring football practice was "a tough break." Indeed it was.

The Cardinal running back was coming off a promising freshman season with the football team and just starting to round into form on the Stanford baseball team in mid-February when he was hit by a pitch on the right forearm, breaking his arm.

So instead of getting acclimated to new coach Jim Harbaugh and his playbook, Gerhart became a sideline observer, limited to light, non-contact drills.

There's a real Chicago feel to the San Francisco coverage, what with Singletary and Harbaugh getting mentions. Which is OK with me, as San Francisco and Chicago are probably my top two favorite U.S. cities to visit.

That's it for this week. I'll be off next week, going to my grandmother's 90th birthday party. Too bad there won't be any alcohol, but then again, I guess that's part of why she lived to be 90 years old.

See you in a couple!

--Extra P.

(Usually) Everyday (usually around noon) I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Tuesday's Winners.....










"It was a good two hours into his latest Starbucks anecdote before Peter King realized he'd been talking to Dungy's wax replica. He continued to talk anyway."- Oops Pow Surprise

"When King's discussion of his fantasy baseball team stretched into its twenty-second minute, Dungy wondered how much more polite smiling he had left."- Steve Jeltz Fan

"The nearest coffee shop is a Caribou?! Are you fuckin' kidding me?"- The Legend of Vince Tremblay

"Tony, I'm telling you. . .that's Coolio!"- Todd
___________________________

We're doing things a little differently today. Today we're going to hypothesize Pedro Gomez' next assignment. My guess is a report on the impact of Kayak purchases in the San Francisco Bay Area in the past 10 years.

Whoops...didn't notice that Postman E already posed a few options earlier today. Try to top "Elope with Rachel Nichols, unleash terrifying horde of mutant sideline-reporting children on unassuming public".

Daily Links:

Lots of Bonds stuff today....let's get into it. If you're done with all the Bonds talk, feel free to skip ahead to the other stories of the day past the page break.

Selig is To Blame (Signal to Noise)
Gary Bonds' Record Breaking Homerun Ball on Ebay (Pop Jocks)
So What Are SI's Thoughts On Bonds (Sons of Sam Malone)
Rumors and Rants Isn't Celebrating Bonds (Rumors and Rants)
A Sad Day For Asterisks Everywhere (The Sports Hernia)
About That Guy Who Caught The Bonds' Homer (Epic Carnival)
Kragen Auto Parts Is The Real Winner (CNBC: Sports Biz)
______________________

Meet The Fielders (Fynal Cut)
Background Checks for Everyone! (Signal to Noise)
Brady Quinn Lost A Good Bit Of Money (CNBC: Sports Biz)
Some Bad Newz Rap Songs (Flyers Fieldhouse)
It's Really Okay To Cry (Sons of Sam Malone)
Wally Backman is Officially Nuts (Lion In Oil)
If No One Knew It Was You, Would You Hop In A Mascot Costume? (Hawg Sports)

Lastly, AA was part of a hilarious post over at Yard Work....be sure to stop by and read Joe Morgan's response to his critics. Great stuff guys.

An Open Letter to Phil Mushnick And Other Critics of Mine (Yark Work)

There's a lot of different feelings floating around baseball today. So far I've read about disgust, feeling sick, resentment, acceptance, awesome, surreal, hatred, etc. etc. Some people are blaming Bonds for this entire mess, and I think that's unfair....all of these emotions need to fall on one person's shoulders, and that person is Bud Selig.

His attitude throughout this whole thing has been appalling. It's almost like he made his bed, but instead of lying in it, decided to sleep on the couch. Lucky for the rest of the world (and Baseball) someone has class.

Thanks Hank Aaron. Thanks for showing the rest of the world what being humble is all about.

Here it is in all its tainted glory....

That's exciting isn't it? No??? I agree. Bud Selig's reaction....priceless.

(posted by OMDQ)

(I'm warning you right now - there's a Goodfellas spoiler in one of the paragraphs below. Although frankly, if you haven't seen Goodfellas by now, you deserve to have it spoiled. Great movie.)

First of all, congratulations are in order for Alex Rodriguez, who finally silenced his critics today with a homerun in his first at-bat against Kyle Davies, the 500th of his career. Everyone is talking about A-Rod passing Barry Bonds for the career homerun record sometime within the next decade, but the column I absolutely can't wait for is the one that tries to explain how Rodriguez's career will turn out just like Jimmie Foxx's (previously the youngest man to 500, Foxx was pretty much done by his mid-thirties) . You know some eternal optimist is working on that as we speak.

With Rodriguez out of the way, the weight of the baseball world falls on the artificially enhanced shoulders of Barry Lamar Bonds (or, as Babes Love Baseball's Sooze likes to call him, Barry Lamar Cheaterface). Barry has been facing a ton of pressure lately, of course, but A-Rod's struggles in New York helped dull the harshness of the spotlight. Now that the Next Homerun King has turned the corner, we can all turn our full attention back to San Francisco.

I was driving home from work today when I heard about Rodriguez's homerun. The update guy on the radio made a joke that since they couldn't play the audio clip until the game was over, we could only guess that it sounded something like this: "[insert crappy John Sterling "Aaaaaaa-Bomb for Aaaaaaaa-Rod" homerun call here]".

This got me thinking. One of the interesting little side stories in this whole "Barry Bonds Homerun Chase" has been the question of how it will be called by whichever play-by-play announcer happens to draw the short straw and is on duty when the historic blast leaves the yard. Joe Buck would be terribly unexcited. Matt Vasgersian would not be pleased. Jon Miller would probably blow a gasket, which I honestly wouldn't mind because I like Jon Miller and think that whatever emotion he shows is genuine, not forced, which makes his work more than a lot of other announcers. But I digress.

I mentioned this topic because when I heard that John Sterling clip, inspiration struck and the perfect call for either of Bonds' next two homeruns popped into my head. I think a little light bulb even appeared in the air.

You know the scene in Goodfellas where Joe Pesci thinks he's about to become a made man, but instead gets a bullet to the back of his head as revenge for killing Billy Batts years earlier? We see the shot, the camera cuts away (to De Niro in the phone booth, I think), then back to the room, where two old Italian hitmen are standing over Pesci's body. The conversation between them goes something like this:

Old Italian Hit Man #1: And that's that.
Old Italian Hit Man #2: Yep, that's that.

That's it. That's the conversation. And you know what? It's an absolutely perfect homerun call for this situation. Personally, I don't mind the fact that Bonds is prettu much guaranteed to break the record. I long ago decided that it isn't worth getting all excited about. Yelling and screaming about it won't change a thing. So my personal plan is to watch when it happens, give my standard response to just about any milestone short of a Red Sox World Series win (standard response: "Cool. Good for him."), and move on with my life. When my kids ask me about Barry Bonds someday, I'll tell them what I saw and let them come to their own decisions about the morality of the situation and whatnot. By then, hopefully we'll have a clearer picture of the entire Steroid Era and what it means to the overall history of the game.

But for the rest of the world, the people who hate Barry Bonds for what he's done to the game of baseball and want to see him banned for life and thrown in prison, could there be a more perfect homerun call than to hear the play-by-play guy say mildly, "So that's that"? I don't think so. You're not dishonoring the moment any further by ripping on Bonds and his contributions to the game, protestations that in most cases come off as contrived and overly planned out (no pontificating from the soapbox, in other words). And you're not cheering blindly for something that happens on the field while ignoring other, more negative, sides to the issue. You're essentially saying, "How should you feel about this? Decide for yourselves." I like it.

So go ahead, play-by-play announcers of the world. Feel free to channel your inner Scorcese and use this call in the event you find yourself behind the microphone when Barry Bonds goes deep for number 756. Trust me, people will love it.

Thanks ESPN....thanks for letting me know that Bonds was is on deck with your crappy little pop-up thingy (click photo for larger view). That's nice of you. I was also unaware that he's 2 homeruns away from passing Hank Aaron. Good reminder there....thanks again!

As you know already, Bonds failed to homer in LA, so he and his slump roll into San Diego for the weekend. Padre Fans are obviously thrilled, and even their announcers are dreading the series....

“There's a prayer that I say in my car, and I have all week,” said Ted Leitner of XX Sports Radio. “ 'Dear God: Please not here, and please not me.' And I mean that.”

“The whole thing stinks,” said [Padres' Announcer Matt] Vasgersian, who must be wondering where a Fox assignment is when he needs it. “The tone will not be reverential, nor will it be celebratory. It'll be matter of fact.

“I don't think I'll say this, but the tone will be, 'Like it or not, one of the most hallowed records, if not the most hallowed record in all of sports, will have an arguable stain over it, until A-Rod breaks it.'"

I still think it would be cool to be there, or even more...the one who announces it. But I can see Vasgersian's point.

Voices of Padres dread Bonds call (Sign On San Diego)
God, Why Dost Thou Torture Me? (Rumors and Rants)

Doing what Sports Writers do the best, The San Franciso Chronicle got a response from Bonds before tonight's game on Costas' "All-Natural" comments...

Bonds offered a comeback before Thursday's game. Asked what he thought of Costas' all-natural claim, Bonds asked reporters: "How do you know?''

Oh Snap! What a comeback!!! Umm wait....I don't get it. I don't know if he was trying to be funny or if he was trying to make some sort of pseudo "innocent until proven guilty" statement. Either way I'm hoping for Bob Costas to provide a pee sample first thing tomorrow morning.

Knapp: Bonds vs. Costas, Rounds 3 and 4 (SF Gate)

(Thanks to F for the tip)

Via ESPN Radio and Forbes comes Bob Costas' response to Barry Bonds comments that AA posted earlier today....

"As anyone can plainly see, I'm 5-6 1/2 and a strapping 150, and unlike some people, I came by all of it naturally," Costas said Thursday in a telephone interview.

"I've actually always had a pretty cordial relationship with Barry," Costas said. "I have no ill feelings toward him personally. I regard him as one of the greatest players of all time who got an inauthentic boost and then became a superhuman player. I wish him no ill whatsoever."

"He's under tremendous scrutiny and some pressure. It's no big deal," Costas said. "This is a consequence of doing your job, and I've never tried to do my job in any case with the intention of calling attention to myself. I think if people watch the program, they can judge for themselves."

This is great. Costas takes the high road in all of this, but I really hope this continues the rest of the summer. Hell....there's nothing else going on.

In one of the most revealing interviews ever (sarcasm folks) Barry Bonds gives about 75 one sentence answers until the interviewer comes to the topic of the latest Costas Now piece on Bonds. From The Chicago Tribune Via Baseball Think Factory....

Speaking to a small group of reporters by his locker only about an hour before his club played the Braves, Bonds discounted the words of Patrick Arnold, a chemist who went to jail for distributing steroids to athletes in the case stemming from the 2003 raid of the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative (BALCO), and the man who did the interview: HBO’s Bob Costas.
...
“I’ve never met that guy, I’ve never seen him in my life,” Bonds said about Arnold. “I’ve never met him in my life. I’ve never even heard of the guy—never.”

About Costas, Bonds said: “Is that the story Bob Costas talked about? A little midget man, who doesn’t know jack about baseball, who never played the game before? You can tell Bob Costas what I called him.”

There you Bonds....don't defend yourself at all and go right to the name calling. I'm sure no one has ever made fun of Costas being short.

Diggin' for gold, comin' up with Barry (Chicago Tribune)
MLB.com: Bonds shoots back at HBO piece (Baseball Think Factory)

P.S.- Look at how Collinsworth dwarfs him in that photo above. That just cracked me up.

When I think of the "best" articles on Barry Bonds I think of A) The San Francisco Chronicle piece that broke the scandal and B) The SI piece that was excerpted from Game of Shadows. I'm pretty sure those are the two the majority of people think of.

Well ESPN doesn't think so. In an almost Blog-like section titled "The Best on Bonds" the Leader is going through what they consider the "best" Bonds' articles and here's who they have pieces from so far:

Eric Adelson, Wayne Drehs, Gene Wojciechowski, Jayson Stark, Wright Thompson, Tim Kurkjian, Patrick Hruby, Chuck Klosterman, Jim Caple, Jeff Pearlman, Buster Olney, Mark Kreidler, and Rob Neyer

Now what do these folks have in common? You probably guessed after the first 5....they're all employed by ESPN.

Seriously, how self-aggrandizing can you get? This is the actual lead-in....
As Barry Bonds celebrates his 43rd birthday, ESPN.com looks back over the past three years at some of the best stories about Bonds' pursuit of Hank Aaron's all-time home run record.
Come on ESPN....you're better than that. Okay...maybe you're not, but it's okay to link or reference other good articles. Trust me...no one will leave your Monopoly for good.

The Best On Bonds (ESPN)

(Special thanks to TC from Mr.Thursday for the photo and tip.)

(Usually) Everyday (usually around noon) I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful (or two) of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Friday's Winners.....








"Stuart Hamilton of Wiltshire was tragically killed at Carnoustie yesterday by golfer John Daly. The athlete, long embroiled in a war against his own internal organs, misinterpreted Hamilton's "I (HEART) JOHN DALY" sign as an offer for heart donorship and split open the young man's rib cage with his bare hands."- Oops Pow Surprise (Wins on creativity alone)

"The man's arm is hiding the slashes he got from the steak knife of John Daly's wife"- Chiguy23

"What this photo doesn't show is the back side of this sign: "He only hits me cuz he cares!"- Kyle
____________________________

Are you funny enough to create a headline for this photo of A-Rod and Barry discussing their "grips"?

Daily Links:

It's the Over/Under that everyone should be paying attention to. (Sports Biz)
Bomb Threats are stopping games now? (Richmond Times-Dispatch)
OJ Stars in his own Video Game (The Hater Nation)
Is this the worst time to be a Sports Fan? (Flyers Fieldhouse)
Soccer Team Starts A Brawl....With Cops. (The Pig Pen)
Scott Olsen's Mug Shot is pretty awesome. (Signal to Noise)
Does Eric Wynalda like anything? (Rumors and Rants)
A Minor League Coach is dead after getting hit by a ball (Nyjer Please)
Which Major League Team has the hottest concession worker? (Epic Carnival)
FBI and Sports....a perfect match. (The Huffington Post)

Finally, I was going to post on this, but everyone's already picked it up. The Newest ESPN analyst is shooting off at the mout about Mike Vick.

I don't know if they released this because of the recent "boycotting" of ESPN by Barry Bonds talk, but either way it seems pretty convenient. So you want to avoid ESPN Barry? Well try to avoid this.....

ESPN will provide live cut-ins and short turn-around highlights of Barry Bonds’ at bats when he goes for home runs 754, 755 and 756 during all Major League Baseball programming (Sunday Night Baseball, Monday Night Baseball, Wednesday Night Baseball and Baseball Tonight) as he attempts to break the all-time home run record. ESPN will also offer live or taped cut-ins in non-MLB programming (unless the at bat or home run occurs during any other national rightsholder telecast).

So basically Barry....if you don't want your 755th and 756th homers on ESPN, you have to do it Saturday on FOX.

(Source: ESPN Press Release)

P.S.- There will also be a documentary on Hank Aaron which will feature an older documentary by Tom Brokaw from October 1973. So it'll be a documentary of a documentary....nice. What am I saying....I'll still watch it. (Tuesday, July 24 at 7 p.m.)

P.P.S.- Don't look now Barry, but Pedro Gomez is hiding in a laundry hamper in your house. If you try and call the police they are just going to tell you that the call "came from inside the house!!!!".

Don't know if anyone saw Baseball Tonight last night, but it seems that their debating this whole Barry boycotting ESPN games thing. SbB is reporting via The SJ Mercury News that Barry Bonds could possible be boycotting ESPN televised games. He's missed three in a row and people are starting to raise an eyebrow.....

Is Barry Bonds boycotting the Worldwide Leader?

The left fielder has paused his home run chase all three times the Giants have been on ESPN this season, under odd circumstances that might seem odder when taken together. (The Home Run Derby could be considered a fourth instance.) It's just a theory, but we'll be sure to check in on that Sept. 7 game against the Dodgers, or sooner if ESPN picks up any other games.

Well Karl Ravech and the Krukster weighed-in on the subject last night.....

Ravech: "Barry said yesterday, `I don't need a day off.' This is, I believe, Game 3 in a row that the ESPN cameras have been there and he hasn't played. I can't believe there's any connection. That wouldn't be right to the team."

Kruk: "You would hope not."

Ravech: "There's no way."

Kruk: "You would hope he doesn't dislike us that much that he would sit out games."

Here's my two cents. Is Barry just going to wait for games that FOX is doing on the weekends, or only local Giants broadcasts? Can't ESPN do live look-ins for every at-bat??? Seems to be a little much ado about nothing.

Here's my theory (that really isn't a theory, but probably fact)....You think he might be waiting for the 8 game homestand coming up after the Milwaukee series this weekend??? That sounds more plausible to me, but anything is possible with Barry....as Brooks points out....

Why would Bonds dislike ESPN? Perhaps he was watching SportsCenter Monday when anchor Steve Levy, upon seeing Bonds behind a chain-link fence, remarked "There's a behind-bars joke there somewhere".

The comment was later edited out of the broadcast for morning replays.

Smooth ESPN....real smooooooth. I guess we might get a clue when FOX covers the Giants' game Saturday against the Brewers.

ESPNERS WONDER IF BONDS IS BOYCOTTING THEIR GAMES (Sports by Brooks)
Bonds theory of revolution (SJ Mercury News)

According to the San Francisco Chronicle MLB is censoring fans wanting to display signs in protest of Barry Bonds. A piece by the Game of Shadows writers Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams detail the story...

When Don Regole drove 120 miles from his Tucson home to watch his beloved Diamondbacks face the San Francisco Giants in Phoenix, he brought along nine banners directed at Barry Bonds.

But Regole never got to display his banners at Chase Field on April 27. When Diamondbacks employees at the entrance to the ballpark asked to view the signs he had stuffed in his backpack, Regole was told the posters weren't acceptable. The reason: They were in poor taste.

A month later, after Regole had written the team to complain, he got a letter from the Diamondbacks. One sentence caught his attention: "As Mr. Bonds approaches the homerun record, we have been asked by Major League Baseball to carefully screen the signs that are brought into the ballpark by our fans."

You gotta love a good censorship story. MLB is doing such an awful job of handling everything with this case that this doesn't surprise me at all.

SILENCING ANGRY FANS (SF Chronicle)

Don't know if you got a chance to see the All-Star Selection Show on TBS over the weekend, but if you didn't.....you didn't miss anything. The program, which was Ripken and Gwynn's debut for the station, was lackluster and was absent of any energy whatsoever.

Both stated that Bonds should be in the ASG, but neither gave any other opinions that were noteworthy. God bless Ernie Johnson for trying, but this might be like pulling teeth by the time we get to the MLB Playoffs.

"Yes, there's a shadow that's hanging over top of him. The commissioner and Hank Aaron are torn whether they should celebrate the breaking of the all-time home run record," Ripken said Tuesday. "But when I think of Barry, I think of him as an All-Star player."

___________________________

In related ASG news.....Another great idea from ESPN has Kenny Mayne in a Kayak for the Homerun Derby. He'll be using some sort of underwater camera used in the America's Cup races. There's no over/under set yet for the number of times he uses the phrase, "Your puny ballparks are too small to contain my gargantuan blasts!"

(Usually) Everyday (usually around noon) I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful (or two) of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Last Friday's Winner.....








"Soul Patrol, meet the Duck Patch Patrol."- Signal To Noise

Are you funny enough to create a headline for this photo of Barry Bonds hamming it up with David Ortiz?


Daily Links:

Great discussion with actual paid Bloggers. (Ballhype)
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But he's really going nowhere. (Rumors and Rants)
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Skip the Salad Next Time. (The Feed)