So the first of the Senior showcase games is today on ESPN2 at 3pm in the East-West Shrine Game from Houston, Texas. While the game does have some exciting players, the real reason for the East-West contest is to raise funds for Shriners Hospitals for Children. Every year since 1925, this has been the case, and this year is not different.

What do I know though, right? Let's have the oddest pairing of individuals ever explain it to you. Here's John Elway and Justin Timberlake!

So, former Iowa Hawkeye and Kansas City Chief Ed Podolak is in a spot of trouble with the university regarding his position as one of their radio announcers. The Wiz of Odds found pictures of him earlier this week boozing it up in Tampa for the Outback Bowl, and they involved looking down a lady's shirt.

Now, Iowa AD Gary Barta is not amused, according to the Des Moines Register:

"I have had a chance to see them and I am deeply disappointed," Barta said in a prepared statement. "The pictures do not represent the image and expectations of the University of Iowa."

Barta said athletes, coaches and athletic department representatives understand the importance of maintaining a good image."We work hard to make sure our student-athletes, coaches and staff understand what we expect of them," Barta said. "Clearly, we hold them to a high standard. It is important we hold everyone representing the Hawkeyes to a similar standard."

It's hard not to be of two minds regarding the Army's annual game showcasing the nation's best high school football talent: it's kind of cool to see the teenagers who will be playing for your chosen rooting interest next season (like Terrelle Pryor in last year's game, above), but there's also the whole, "wait, these guys are still in high school factor," especially when you see the players making commitments to four-year schools during the game. This isn't the only one of its kind, as Under Armour will hold its All-American Game tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm probably going to check in on this game for a bit, especially considering that it's already on NBC, where most of us will be tuned in for the professionals after it.

If you're Alabama or one of the legion of Tide fans, you don't have any room to look for excuses in getting handled by Utah last night. Using Andre Smith's improper conduct with an agent doesn't fly, nor does the offensive line weakness that resulted with players shifting positions due to injury throughout the game. There's nothing to say about this game save the fact that Utah is just a better team, pounding through a schedule in which it played and beat five ranked opponents during the season.

Alabama not only got outplayed, the team looked like it wasn't happy to be in New Orleans instead of Miami, never mind the fact that the Tide was in a BCS bowl way ahead of schedule under Nick Saban. Ute QB Brian Johnson had his way in the passing game to the tune of 336 yards and 3 TDs, spreading the passes around to several different receivers. Utah's front seven harassed John Parker Wilson all day -- the only lapse they had was when Javier Arenas returned a punt for a touchdown, and the refs let a block in the back go on that return. I'd never seen Saban that pissed; he not only got outcoached, but his team didn't do the little things at all when it came to tackling, blocking, and such.

And now we have one undefeated team left in all of Division I-A football, yet they stand absolutely no chance at any part of the national championship, just like Boise State two years ago. A "plus-1" or Top 4 format wouldn't even help this at all: teams like Utah would be left out because they play in the MWC. Now, we have to consider last year's Sugar Bowl between Hawaii and Georgia an aberration: out of the four BCS bowls featuring non-BCS conference schools, the outsiders are 3-1 (Utah winning twice.) The more this happens, the more obvious the need for an 8-team playoff, at a minimum, becomes, so much so that any fair-minded and smart commentator can't avoid pushing for it, no matter whether their network airs the games or not. Considering how some ESPN analysts and on-air people keep talking about a playoff, I can't imagine them stopping once the Four-Letter gets the BCS contract in a couple of years.

Thank you, Utah, for pouring even more gasoline on the fire.

A quick programming note for the weekend: I am insane enough to live-blog all four playoff games this weekend, today's with company over (and they understand completely). So, make sure to join me here later this afternoon. Now, to everyone's first real exposure to Turner Gill and his miracle Buffalo Bulls squad, going up against the NCAA's leading rusher in Donald Brown and UConn.

Game: International Bowl
Teams: Buffalo Bulls (8-5) vs. Connecticut Huskies (7-5)
Location: Rogers Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Time: Noon EST
Announcers and Network: John Saunders, Jesse Palmer, and Doug Flutie, ESPN2
Favorite: UConn (-6)
S2N's Pick: Going with the Huskies; they'll go with a big dose of Donald Brown and try not to turn the ball over.

Here, we have The Bowl That No One Wants To Watch, with teams only in the game because the Big XII and SEC didn't have enough bowl eligible teams to send a 6-6 joke each to Shreveport. Oof.

Game: PetroSun Independence Bowl
Teams: Louisiana Tech Bulldogs (7-5) vs. Northern Illinois Huskies (6-6)
Location: Independence Stadium, Shreveport, LA
Start Time: 8:15 PM EST
Network and Announcers: Pam Ward and Ray Bentley, ESPN. (Well, maybe we'll get some hidden gems of errata.)
Favorite: NIU (-1)
S2N's Pick: La Tech, for the hell of it.

It's the last game for that magical quarterback known as Pat White.

Game: Meineke Car Care Bowl
Teams: West Virginia Mountaineers (8-4) vs. North Carolina Tar Heels (8-4)
Location: Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte, NC
Start Time: 1 PM EST
Network and Announcers: Sean McDonough and Chris Spielman, ESPN
Favorite: WVU (-1.5)
S2N's Pick: UNC, because Bill Stewart will find a way to have a brain fart at the worst possible time for the 'Eers.

Game: R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Teams: Southern Mississippi Eagles (6-6) vs. Troy Trojans (8-4)
Location: Louisiana Superdome, New Orleans, LA
Start: 8:15 PM EST
Network and Announcers: ESPN - Eric Collins and Shaun King
Favorite: Troy (-1.5)
S2N's Pick: Southern Miss, just for fun. I've not seen either of these teams play this season, and I won't start now. This is not a good enough match-up to draw anyone except the biggest college football die-hard or fans of either team.

Game: St. Petersburg Bowl
Teams: Memphis Tigers (6-6) vs. South Florida Bulls (7-5)
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, FL. If you hated this stadium during the MLB playoffs, you're gonna like it less today.
Announcers and Network: Sean McDonough, Chris Spielman, and Rob Stone, ESPN2
Start Time: 4:30 PM EST. Switch to brown liquor by this point.
Odds: USF (-11.5)
S2N's Pick: Take Memphis to cover, pick the Bulls to win on the theory that Matt Grothe is always good for a couple of WTF-type interceptions. Still, this is a virtual home game, as the USF campus is in very nearby Tampa.

Game: EagleBank Bowl
Location: RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
Teams: Wake Forest Demon Deacons (7-5) vs. the U.S. Naval Academy Midshipmen (8-4). If Ram Vela Supermans dat ho Riley Skinner, sure.
Announcers and Network: Terry Gannon, David Norrie, and Quint Kessenich, ESPN
Start: 11 AM (yaaaaaaawnnsleeepy). Coffee, please.
Odds: Wake (-3)
S2N's Pick: Wake's defense over Navy's flexbone attack. I'm guessing that in order to do the post-season Pammies, we're to leave all manner of funny stuff in the comments, and usually, Terry and David are good for a couple of humdingers per game.

You'll be seeing open threads for bowls throughout the day.

"EPIC FAIL" does not begin to describe a coaching search that should never have existed, yet ends in the hiring of your school's former defensive coordinator, who has been an absolute joke of a head coach in the red-headed stepchild of a division that is the Big XII North.

This is what you parted ways with Tommy Tuberville for, Auburn? Gene Effing Chizik? Seriously?

Turner Gill was there for the taking after leading Buffalo to a MAC championship and an 8-5 record, beating the previously undefeated Ball State in the process. Mike Leach could have been money-whipped away from Texas Tech after his 11-1 season. Charlie Strong has been running the defense at Florida for YEARS, dying for a crumb and a shot at a respectable head coaching gig.

But no, ESPN reports AD Jay Jacobs will hire a man who is 5-19 in his head coaching career to run an SEC program -- please put the necessary emphasis here, because the piece is based on "sources", not any official word, and I'll happily revoke and apologize for this post if the article it's based on turns out to be complete bunk. But even the mere rumor of hiring Chizik for anything more than D-coordinator is utterly laughable, and will provide nothing but unwanted guffawing from the fans of all other SEC teams -- especially considering that he's a defensive guy! Defense is not the problem with Auburn.

Auburn fans don't get to laugh at Tennessee for hiring Lane Kiffin after this is made official. At least there is a semblance of upside for Kiffykins. I don't know how Auburn can spin this, and let's set the O/U on Jacobs and booster Bobby Lowder trying to secretly lure another coach a la the Petrino jet scandal at 2 years.

Update: Read Auburn Undercover's Philip Marshall for more on this. If I were Gill, I'd be furious -- and I'd be thinking I got passed over because I was black and I didn't coach at Auburn previously, not because of actual credentials or record.

Auburn Tigers hire Gene Chizik [ESPN]

My predetermined guesses of what's likely going to be revealed by the Fox crew at 8 Eastern:

BCS Championship Game: Florida vs. Oklahoma
Sugar Bowl: Alabama vs. Utah
Rose Bowl: Southern Cal vs. Penn State
Fiesta Bowl: Texas vs. Ohio State
Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Cincinnati

If this comes to pass, I understand why the selections work out this way, but let's face it: I want Boise State in this sucker instead of Ohio State and I'm willing to bet I'm not alone. Granted, three of the five games listed would have some slobber-worthy match-ups for viewers, and since the Fiesta is one of those three, that scenario would draw eyeballs.

The problem is we're obviously using a "what draws eyes" model to determine the best teams in college football rather than a "who made it through unscathed" model with regard to I-A (suck it, Football Bowl Subdivision). We know Boise State can play; the 2007 Fiesta Bowl should have given them some benefit of the doubt. So be it, though.

Debate the actual match-ups here, and any other bowl assignments to come.

Well, before the bowls, anyway.

Barring any sort of BCS calamity or complete disregard by the human polls, Florida and Oklahoma will meet in the BCS Championship Game, and everyone and their mother will be picking the Gators, likely with good reason.

Florida had to find another way to win against Alabama, who looked like they were ready to take over in the third quarter by running the ball and controlling the clock. But Florida pulled off an interesting trick in the 4th quarter. Most of the time, Urban Meyer's offense is perceived as one designed to put points on the board quickly, and it's usually really good at that. But after Florida took a 24-20 lead in the 4th and stopped the Tide up, Tim Tebow led a drive that killed 5 of the 6:30 or so left, and added another touchdown on top of it. They played like a different team that what was expected, and that ability to produce long drives and score quickly led to the 31-20 victory. The Crimson Tide, although disappointed, should see this season as a major improvement. What they might be able to do next year is in question: they will lose QB John Parker Wilson, although this may be addition by subtraction -- he threw backbreaking picks sometimes.

Now, the Gators will likely face a team that refuses to take its foot off the gas. Oklahoma now owns the NCAA single-season points record after zooming out to a 38-7 lead over hapless Mizzou, and finishing with a 41-point beatdown. We're not sure if there's a defense that can stop the Sooners; much of the Big 12 has now tried and failed, save Texas (which is still nursing the wounds of the conference's tiebreaker.) The Sooners will hope that DeMarco Murray's knee will be better in a month, because they'll need all the weapons they have available in order to tangle with Florida.

Despite Rick Neuheisel's big talk, the football monopoly in Los Angeles remains. USC fumbled early in the first, leading to a trickeration touchdown on a pitch to a receiver, who hurled it to RB Kahlil Bell. USC then scored 28 unanswered points, and that was all, as UCLA continued to struggle with a young O-line and a mediocrity in Kevin Craft at quarterback. Mark Sanchez kept battling, throwing for 2 TDs and getting back up after some rather regular late hits by the Bruins' defense. If UCLA fans are to take solace in anything, it's that they will be better next year -- if they can avoid the bad injury luck. This sends USC back to the Rose Bowl with Penn State coming to Pasadena.

If given a back-up or mediocre quarterback, Virginia Tech can be counted on to be VT and eat him alive. This is what happened to Dominique Davis, who was under center for an injured Chris Crane once again as the Hokies battled the Boston College Eagles in a near-empty Raymond James Stadium in Tampa for the ACC Championship. VT QB Tyrod Taylor did enough to get the Hokies back to the Orange Bowl, running for two TDs.

It's a weird thing to think that after seven turnovers, Tulsa would be in any sort of form to win the Conference USA championship. Such is college football, though, and it took a late drive by East Carolina's Patrick Pinckney and a field goal with 1:40 left to ice a good season for Skip Holtz, even after ECU's status as giant killers early on (beating VT and West Virginia) died soon after at the hands of N.C. State.

West Virginia's season seems to be one of a squandered senior season -- namely that of Pat White. The QB led the Mountaineers to a 13-7 win over South Florida, but even the 'Eers 8-4 record and bowl bid can't mask that coach Bill Stewart was a mistake of a hire, with the WVU administration falling in love with the rebound after the ex left him for a better looking woman.

Cincinnati already locked up its Orange Bowl bid as Big East champion, and had to struggle a little in a road trip to Hawaii against the Warriors, coming back in a frantic fourth quarter to get their 11th win, 24-20. However, it's probably safe to say that it's a miracle that the Bearcats are even in the Orange Bowl, weak as their conference is -- could any of us expect a team that has gone through five quarterbacks this season, including one who played with a broken non-throwing arm, to win its conference and make a BCS bowl game?

The young men of the University of Washington have suffered their final indignity after being walked on by Cal RB Jahvid Best for 300+ yards and 4 TDs. Now, USC offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian gets to walk in and clean up a mess of a team that finished without a victory, and honestly, Week 2 against BYU was the closest they ever got, and if Ty Willingham's name and reputation as a head coach at the college level has not been totally destroyed, it would be a shock. The Sonics are stolen by Land Thieves, the Mariners sink to the cellar of the American League, the Seahawks have lost their 12th Man and their mojo, and U-Dub has found the bottom of the barrel. Seattle sports fans, you deserve something positive, but if U-Dub admins were serious about really being good, they would have money-whipped Mike Leach instead of leaving the work to a man entering the head coaching ranks for the first time.

More on the BCS and the bowl match-ups later today after the final standings and the selections have been made. Oh and Frank Beamer can take a heck of a punch....

Hi folks. Ready for Conference Championship Saturday? Well, I am and I'm not. My TV decided it had had enough and died, so I'll be listening to what I can on the radio (obviously not the same) while taking down your quotes and shopping for my first HDTV set. (If I am out for a while this is why I am gone -- I will be at Best Buy or Costco trying to rectify this as soon as possible.)

That said, I hope ESPN radio is getting a good game to start. Let's hop to it. Don't worry; this won't affect NFL Sunday too much here: I still plan to put up open threads and try and watch games on the computer, but if I don't have a set by Sunday, there won't be a live-blog.

Anyway, Our Matron Saint is in the lead, and trying to fend off the Good Doctor Lou and Crazy Uncle Gary, last year's defending champion. Ms. Ward is on Division II playoffs (thanks RJBO), Lou is in the studio, and Uncle Gary will be at Alabama-Florida in the ATL.

Have at it!

Your College Football Announcing Schedule For Week Fifteen

"Can Oklahoma dial it up again? A conference championship game after 2 big weeks." - Andre Ware making it sound like that Oklahoma is playing their 3rd straight conference championship game (via JFein)

"Last of the paper ballots here." - Chris Fowler to Lee Corso after Corso said he sent in Heisman vote.
"We vote online" - Desmond Howard on his and Fowler's voting method.
"Will OJ vote" - Fowler
"He wont be voting online." - Howard (via JG)

"I cant remember the last time I did a game that featured two fullbacks" - Boomer Esiason
"We can almost count the passes on one hand"- Ian Eagle (via JG)

Look at the Army-Navy game. Gouge my eyes out over the uniforms on both teams! (Via James Craven)

You're not kidding....



"Known for the stiff arm, that's his signature move. On PlayStation I think it's the C button."
Brock Huard on UConn running back (via Bazooka Jones, who notes that there is no C button on a PS)

"Actually I'm gonna take ballroom dancing lessons." - Chris Spielman as Sean McDonough mentioned Dancing With The Stars last night during the MAC championship (via JFein)

"Welcome back to So You Think Your Commute Was Rough" - Rob Stone on the many misfortunes the University of Buffalo fan bus had on its way to Detroit

"There's nothing like artery clogging, tailgating food at 9:00 AM. Those are my kind of people." - Bob Wischusen (via JFein)

"Being President is a pretty good deal. You get invited to a lot of great events, and a lot of presents." - Esiason
"You just found out about this?" - Eagle, considering Esiason went to college less than 10 miles from DC I hope not (via JG)

"Should have just put up the fair catch signal."- Andre Ware after a ECU player dropped a ball on a short kickoff (via Anon, who notes that it doesn't matter, he dropped the frickin' ball!)

"See the big fellow at the top of the screen, he's asking for the football." - Andre Ware
"He's flashing" - Dave Pasch

Awkward silence followed. (Via JFein)

"I mean, look at that. That's great protection by the Army offensive line." -- Boomer Esiason, as the Army QB gets sacked (via TAS)

"How about a college that makes their own ice cream! That is my kind of school." -Bob Wischusen (via Anon)

"Welcome to The Tampa, everyone." - The Brad Nessler during the pregame of the ACC championship game featuring the Boston College and the Virginia Tech (via JFein)

"Don't move. that's what they teach you." - Dave Pasch, after a replay showing Tulsa's O-line staying put on a free play (via James Craven)

"The Hokies have to get back to Beamer Ball, which is take away the ball on defense, take away the ball on special teams." - Bob Griese (via JFein)

"You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why." - Brad Nessler
"Virginia Tech's defense is coming to town." - Paul Maguire (via JFein)

"No chair for Rece. Mark May and Lou Holtz have nice comfy chairs and the man who runs the show has nothing." - Bob Wischusen (Via JFein)

"Let's take another look at him filling this hole." - Brad Nessler (Via JFein)
"He's just heading to the hole....sees it and slams it."- Paul Maguire

I left out a few words for comedy's sake. (Via Anon)

I caught that exchange as well and it was loaded with innuendo. Great stuff.

"When you slip and fall, and make your own fatal errors...."- Brock Huard

Fatal, huh? I think I might die of boredom while watching this 3-3 barn burner between UConn and Pitt.

"This is a fake by Dodge!...and he punts it at the last minute." - Dave Pasch on an option punt (Via JFein)

S2N here....back from Best Buy with a 32-inch Sony Bravia LCD that's currently scanning for my cable channels. It's a $750 set that I got for $700, they had a deal with a Sony home theater system tossed in (5-DVD/CD changer and subwoofer!) I'm tingling with anticipation. It's gonna look kinda blah until I get the cable company to bring in an HD box.

"He tried to get too cute there, to pull it(the ball) out. Option fullbacks have told me, if youre past the QB the ball's yours." - Esiaison on a botched exchange (via JG)

"Who could ever remember such a piece of television?" - Bob Wischusen, on the Jimmy V speech (via Rick James Bible Owner, who suggests that Bob might have meant "forget")

"That one was thrown at 150 miles per hour." - Dave Pasch (via JFein)

"The sum of the parts is greater than the team. The combination of the parts is greater....what am I trying to say?" - Jon Ritchie (via JFein)

"You go winless at the University of Washington, you get fired" - Petros Papadakis (via BSPN)

"Washington trying to salvage another something-something" - Barry Tompkins (via BSPN)

DEAR GOD THIS TV IS SPECTACULAR. MY MIND JUST EXPLODED.

"Tulsa lives and dies by the pass, and I think they got the latter there." - DeMarco Farr, talking about the Conference USA championship (via Anon)

"You wonder if East Carolina gets into the Autozone Liberty Bowl or the GMAC bowl, if they'll have enough players, with all of their injuries." - Dave Pasch
"Good point." - Andre Ware (via JFein)

"It's been that type of year for the dogs."-Petros, talking about the awful Washington team (via 49er16)

"Our yellow line is usually accurate." - Dave Pasch (via James Craven)

"1:03 left knee time for East Carolina" - Ware after the pick (via JG)

"They were upset by East Carolina this year in the opening week and they had some really tough road games. That's part of the reason they have 4-losses this year." - Brad Nessler (via JFein)

"Does he get the sack, even though it was a halfback pass."-Petros Papadakis (via 49er16)

"So we put the jinx on him."- Barry Tompkins, talking about Cal's miss field goal. (via 49er16)

"This is where you'll see Frank Beamer grind it here." - Brad Nessler (via JFein). Ewwwww.

"If youre Frank Beamer you just grind it out here" - Nessler

VA tech proceeds to fumble then Nessler says:

"You can scratch what i just said" (via JG)

"I don't know if it was the helmet or the ball, but they both came out" Petros Papadakis (via BSPN)

"You got a lot of angry guys at the University of Washington, that want to take it out on other guys." Petros (via BSPN)

"If Texas is not in the Championship game, they will definitely have a beef, no pun intended." Spenser Tillman (via Walnuts)

"Some serious cracking going on." - Brad Nessler (via SSR)

"Hey, I took off my shoes." - Paul Maguire (via SSR)

"He is looking like he just got a haircut before the game" Petros (via BSPN)

THERE ISN'T EVEN HD IN THIS SET YET AND IT IS AMAZING.

"Bruce did you run across Paul Maguire ? " Todd Harris to former VT & Buffalo Bills player Bruce Smith

"Far too often. Paul we never experienced weather like this time of year." - Smith (who's wearing a sweatshirt)
"No we didn't." - Maguire.

"Hey Paul, Bruce is a class act, you should have heard what he said off camera about you." - Harris
"I'll come down and slap him around after the game" - Maguire

(Last few quotes via JG)

"Did we tell you they're ranked first and second..." - Crazy Uncle Vern never hearing of something called The BCS Standings. Associated Press' writers poll is a bunch of asswipes (that last quote and opinion completely the sole opinion of James Craven)

"Thurman Thomas, Buffalo" - Paul Maguire forgetting the fact that Thomas was at Oklahoma State. (via James Craven)

"I usually just fill it out. I'm computer illiterate." - Nessler on his Heisman ballot. How many people at ESPN have Heisman votes? (via JG)

"Chris Rogers delivered the initial blow." - Verne Lundquist (via SSR)

"Opening parry of the game." - Lundquist (via RJBO)

You cannot stop Tebow. You cannot even hope to contain him. 7-0, Florida.

Julio Jones is the truth. Quick comeback and we've got a tie score in the SECCG.

"I keep hearing about style points, how about style no points?" Todd Blackledge (via BSPN)

"I have a feeling it's gonna turn around at the end of the quarter. A lot of it has to do with the wind. Although the turnover had nothing to do with it." - Ray Bentley (via JFein)

"Florida takes over at the eleven after Hall's special special teams play." - Grandpa Verne (via JFein)

"Sounds like the OJ sentencing!" - Mike Patrick, after a referee says the timeouts for the home uniforms in USC-UCLA will run concurrently (via BSPN)

"You have the option to add [penalty yards after on a punt] after the run. Good move there by Nick" - Uncle Gary who is apparently on a 1st name basis with Coach Saban. (via JFein)

"He squatted all over Nelson there"- Verne, after 'Bama DB breaks up a 3rd down pass.

"He's the biggest safety in the history of football." - Mike Patrick (via James Craven)

"Alabama jumping the short routes. 1,2. Like my stock account now." - Danielson
"Gary putting that math degree from Purdue to good use." - Verne (via JG)

"It is all good for light blue so far" - Mike Patrick (via BSPN)

I am not sweating USC down by a touchdown so far because Kevin Craft is still the UCLA quarterback. This isn't 2006 yet.

"The good news for Craft, although he didn't complete the pass, he did through towards the blue jersey" Todd Blackledge (via BSPN)

Kevin Craft makes Steven Threet look like Tom Brady. - RJBO

I posted that because it's hilarious.

"Verrell (the ref in the D-II playoff game) and I are on the same wavelength, we don't get many wrong." - Ray Bentley
"You do." - Pam Ward (via JFein)

"Norris was in his face and kept riding him." - Mike Patrick (via SSR)

"When you say there's a penalty against Pouncey you have a 40% chance of being right." - Crazy Uncle Gary about Florida's identical twins on the front (via James Craven)

Per SSR, we have an update on the ignominious end of Ty Willingham's coaching career at U-Dub: it is 45-0 in Berkeley, with Cal up and Jahvid Best has 300+ rushing yards. OW OW OW.

"Those 4 interceptions were like the ones your grandmother would have thrown" - Mike Patrick (via BSPN)

"That's one of those weird moments where the quarterback saw the guy coming from behind." - Petros Papadakis (via JFein, who wonders how that is possible)

"There you see the very famous 'Tightwad Hill'. Lotsa tightwads up there." -Petros on the far side of Memorial Stadium where the fans watch for free. (via James Craven)

"Looks like they are rehearsing their ad libs already." - Verne talking about the CBS halftime crew (via RJBO)

"I know I'm sounding like a broken record, partner, but this is where Kevin Craft really needs to take care of the football." - Todd Blackledge

Like that's even possible. Craft is the definition of QB EPIC FAIL, although having a patch-work O-line has not helped him.

"Is that show anything like Gilligan's Island?" - Todd Blackledge, talking about Lost as Mike Patrick does a promo.

"(Bama DB) Kareem Jackson didn't believe that (Florida WR) David Nelson could beat him deep. He squatted all over him."- Gary Danielson (via LSUTigerFan19)

"You finish it off with a little hammer and nails, that's what you do when you have the tools." - Crazy Uncle Gary describing the Alabama attack with Julio Jones and Mark Ingram on the last touchdown.

"It's a square out, Terry Bradshaw's favorite pass." - Uncle Gary
"It's everybody's favorite pass." - Uncle Verne

"Tim Tebow's like the snake doctor for Florida. Gotta stop the snake doctor, keep the Gators from moving the ball....this time he snaked Alabama with a play action pass." - Uncle Gary

"Buy stock in UCLA right now." - Craig James (via RJBO)

"Hit by Terrance 'Mount' Cody." - Uncle Verne

"It's the victory formation, in this case, its let's get in the lockeroom formation" - Mike Patrick (via BSPN)

"I like it when you go polysyllabic." - Verne to Uncle Gary (via James Craven)

"Like Frazier, the body punches [of Alabama] are starting to land." - Uncle Gary

"Percy Harvin is milking a groin injury." - unknown radio dudes via Two Dogs, because it was too funny not to post.

We've reached, oh we haven't reached the end of 3. There's still 8 seconds left." - Grandpa Verne (via JFein)

"Sanchez throws short of Terrence Austin....erm, I mean Craft." - Mike Patrick, forgetting which team was on offense.

"He's looking for lost parts, teeth, count all the Chiclets." - Mike Patrick, after Mark Sanchez gets rocked on a legal but hard hit by the UCLA D-line.

"Mmmm...muy sabroso." - Todd Blackledge, working the Spanish at the end of Taste of the Town.

"Vaya con carne. You've always said "Go with meat," and you did." - Mike Patrick


"I had four years of Spanish, I have no idea what you just said." - Mike Patrick.

Hah.

"He said he wouldn't recruit a corner unless he was ball friendly." - Danielson (via Drew)

"I love the line about SEC games: every one of 'em's a knife fight in a ditch." - Mike Patrick

Florida's in the MNC. 31-20, Gators, after that last good drive.

"I won't watch the National Title game if Florida isn't in it." - Uncle Gary (via Corbin)

"Boy, when Craft misses, he misses big time." - Mike Patrick (via JFein)

"What about Ole Miss? Do you think you should thank them for the wake-up call?" - Tracy Wolfson to Tim Tebow (via JFein)

"The Nissan Pre-game show continues with the Dr. Pepper Big 12 Championship." - Brent Musberger

So the championship game is part of the pre-game show? - JFein

"Temperatures will be down in the 20s, but there is no rain or snow in the forecast." - Brent Musberger

Since when does it RAIN in the 20s? - SSR

Bradford, incomplete, for the second time in a row. He's human now." - Brent

"Big hole, Brown explodes." - Brent Musberger

"And now there's-- it's a snowball, I thought it was a flag."- Ron Franklin

"Final snap of the opening quarter it looks like, or I should correct myself, I was looking at the wrong clock." - Brent Musburger

"2nd down and inches here.....or I should say 2nd down and ten. I have to correct myself there." - Brent Musberger

"We'll send it for the first time today to Matt Winer." - Brent Musberger
"Or John Saunders, Brent." - John Saunders

"Let's throw it upstairs to Brent Musberger, in that warm announcement booth." - Marcellus Wiley

"Look at those rear ends!"- Brent Musburger

"saban makes a point of only recruiting corners who are ball-friendly."- Gary Danielson

"Jermaine Cunningham comes in his face."- Mark May

The ultimate lesson this week is that the BCS is always going to screw some team, but we weren't aware that it would really do it before a conference championship game. Here are your BCS rankings per the WWL, and officially, Texas just got hooked, as the Sooners will be going up against Mizzou in Kansas City next week for the Big 12 title.

1. Alabama
2. Oklahoma
3. Texas
4. Florida
5. USC
6. Utah
7. Texas Tech
8. Penn State
9. Boise State
10. Ohio State

Oklahoma's 61-41 victory over Oklahoma State last night was enough to do it for the human voters, whom decided that the recent running of 60+ points in games plus a tougher non-con schedule was enough to outweigh the fact that the Sooners lost to Texas at a neutral site. (Expect Sam Bradford to, accordingly, be the leader in the clubhouse for the worthless trophy in the stiff-arm pose.) Texas' destruction of Texas A&M on Friday wasn't enough to keep them ahead. Question is, whether you agree with the choice here. I don't like the BCS standings being a tie-breaker with the three-way, but such as it is, the post Matt Hinton wrote anticipating exactly this result over at Dr. Saturday seems to jibe with the way it went down.

Now, the rest of the notable things:

• Would you like to place bets on whether Charlie Weis is done at Notre Dame? Losing 38-3 at the Coliseum to a defensively stout USC team is still an embarrassment, particularly when the most fight the Irish showed was, well, the fight before the game started. It took until the third quarter, I believe, for the Irish to get a first down in the game.
• The BCS would like to thank Oregon State for remembering that they are Oregon State, and thus, collapsing when they least could afford it in the Civil War, losing 65-38. The Beavers allowed both Oregon running backs to stomp all over them and ceded the Pac-10 to USC, who should thrash an offensively deficient UCLA squad next Saturday. (Of course, we've written this before, and then UCLA won 13-9.)
  
• Compared to the Big 12 South, the SEC's picture is clear: Alabama blanked Auburn 36-0 in a display of nasty, brutish, defensive football that Nick Saban made his name on; Florida owned FSU by 30 in a rainy mess at Tallahassee. It's going to be very simple next Saturday with the winner of the SEC championship going to the BCS title game.
• Paul Johnson just sealed his ACC Coach of the Year award and probably should get a national nod, too. Georgia Tech took it to Georgia in Athens by ripping off 410 yards on the ground and taking advantage of Matthew Stafford's two picks. The funny or bizarre thing is that what looks like the best team in the ACC won't play in its championship game, because Virginia Tech beat them earlier this year, and its anemic offense was helped by its defense in beating Virginia -- which means we get another VT-Boston College ACC championship this year.
  
• Things you never really expected to happen in college football: an interim coach at Clemson, Dabo Swinney, curb stomps the Ol' Ball Coach 31-14, as South Carolina's Chris Smelley lived up to his last name with four picks.
• With the scuttlebutt on the interwebs leaning everything towards Lane Kiffin being the next coach at Tennessee, the now-former coach Phil Fulmer, departed with an 18-point win over Kentucky -- despite a 7-3 halftime score that would have sent anyone who enjoys offense screaming from the TV set.
• Baylor almost made this BCS/Big 12 South confusion moot -- too bad they choked on a lead over Texas Tech in Lubbock. Tech comes back despite losing Michael Crabtree, winning 35-28.
• Todd Reesing is ten feet tall in the hearts of KU fans. Some manic scoring sequences in the last six and a half minutes in this year's edition of the Border War with Mizzou, and Reesing threw a touchdown pass to Kerry Meier with 27 seconds left to give KU a 40-37 win after the Tigers' kicker left a tying FG try short.
  

(Taps microphone.) Is this thing on? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? (Taps mic again.)

Hi. Sorry I had to ditch y'all these last two Saturdays. If there are any of you left after slipping into a tryptophan coma (re: the "itis") on Thursday, please join me as I try to keep abreast of the best of our play-by-play and color announcers during Week 14. I'll be with you until about 7 EST or so, because then I'm headed out to Spanos Stadium and some FCS playoffs between Cal Poly and Weber State.

Here's your announcing schedule for Week 14, and let's hop to it! Our leader, the matron saint of this feature, is calling Maryland/BC, 2nd place holder Lou Holtz will be in studio, and Uncle Gary is at the Iron Bowl in Tuscaloosa. I'll be starting at noon EST with Craig Bolerjack and Trev Alberts with Georgia Tech/Georgia. GO BEEEEEEEEEEES.

I originally wrote this as Ian Eagle and Craig Bolerjack, but the 'Jack is doing play-by-play. Yikes, we're gonna be in for a long morning.

Rick James Bible Owner gets us started with some gems from earlier this week:

"(The Big XII) isn't even going to wait and use the BCS standings after the Championships. They're gonna use the November 30th BCS standings." - Rod Gilmore

After a fumble that led to an ASU touchdown:
"You have to play to the whistle." - Chris Spielman
"Except the guy for UCLA (Coleman) is completely deaf." - Sean McDonough

"You know the rule. If you're long, you're never wrong." - Chris Spielman

That's just goofy.

"And there's Dante Lewis" (referring to Dante Love) - Todd Harris, from Tuesday's Ball State game (via BRuss)

"I had so much turkey, that I'm going to explode" - Craig James, during Texas A&M-Texas on Thursday

"A little bit too long for Macho Harris." - Andre Ware (via SSReporters)

"That was like a wedge shot, stuck on to the green. 30 yard punt." - Craig Bolerjack, mixing his sports analogies

"You can hear the concussion from that hit all the way from up here." - Ron Franklin, during Friday's Colorado-Nebraska game (via Stephen)

"Bet you love that when the mouthpiece went flying." - Dave Pasch, after Tyrod Taylor got nailed.
"No. No. I didn't." - Andre Ware
"Did you get up and look for the mouthpiece, use it again?" - Pasch
"Yeah, you got up and looked around for it on the ground, see if you could find it." - Ware

Taylor's gonna be feeling that one all of next week too.

Notes: Sly Croom just got fired or resigned, depending on whom you actually talk to, at Mississippi State.

"Three flags thrown. This ground is littered." - Craig Bolerjack

Honestly, I thought Trev Alberts would say more. He's barely talked this first half.

"John Chapas does a great job of getting behind the uglies there." - Trev Alberts, as Chapas takes a pass from Matt Stafford and makes his way to a first and goal.

"The BCS will take more than Jesse Palmer to figure out." - Wendi Nix, via BSPN

"They haven't penetrated the 40 yard line of Clemson so far." - Eric Collins, via BSPN

"What a year it has been for Brev.....Brett Favre." - Craig Bolerjack, via SSReporters. Craig isn't used to doing the promo end of things for the NFL games.

I just saw Lee Corso in a commercial for Hooters and it disturbed me greatly, aside from the high school AV club production quality.

"A little Dab will do ya." - Tim Brando on Clemson coach Dabo Swinney, who's up 24-7 on the Ol' Ball Coach and his 'Cocks at halftime -- via RJBO

"It was a run from the very....snap of the football." - Andre Ware (via SSR)

"Virginia is for lovers, but there's plenty of hate in this rivalry." - Todd Harris. Ah, the power of cliche....

"The sting is back!" - Trev Alberts, after Jonathan Dwyer goes 60 yards down the sideline for a touchdown.

"And Dwyer for a touchdown.....I mean two!" - Craig Bolerjack, still stunned after that great run when Dwyer runs in the two-point conversion pitch.

"Now let's get that recipe for that Brunswick stool...I mean stew!" - Dave Pasch (Via Anon)

GT just came back from at least two scores down to tie the Dawgs at 28. You should be watching this. VA Tech and UVA are tied at 14, and Clemson is up 24-14 and knocking on the door for another score. Kansas is up 26-10 over Mizzou in the Border War.

"Todd Reesing's swagger is as big as it's been all year long." - Dave Lapham, and as Agent Zero would say, Todd's swag is phenomenal.

Um, Georgia Tech just got another touchdown on a Jonathan Dwyer run and is up 35-28. BEEEEEEEES.

"Big Rock toted it in, got it across the line before the ball got free." - Tom Hammond, giving the nickname for the Southern fullback who just scored. Southern and Grambling are playing in the Bayou Classic on NBC right now, and if you do anything, check out the halftime show for the bands.

"We've got a good ol' fashioned frog choker in Tallahassee." - Brad Nessler (via SSR)

Battle of the Bands time! Everyone to NBC right now!

"You've got an inch into it." - Brad Nessler (via James Craven)

"You talk about sex, she can't even keep her gum in her mouth." - likely (but not sure) of Dave Lapham during KU/Mizzou (amazing finish to that game), via Stephen

"Demps was faster than a rabbit in love." - Brad Nessler, via two Anons. I think we have a new leader in the clubhouse this week.

"I saw him go right down the line and straddling it."- Uncle Gary Danielson, via Stephen

"They'ne not built to come from behind. They're not built to come from ahead, either." - Uncle Gary on Auburn's offense, via James Craven

"I get myself in trouble sometimes saying these things." - Uncle Gary, after Uncle Verne references the previous comment.

"I'll go either way, I'm amphibious."- Uncle Verne Lundquist
"Yes I know that."- Your reigning Pammy Champion, Gary Danielson (via Stephen)

"They say Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas." - Nessler, recycling internet jokes. (via Mal)

"Who's your top performer of the week, Rob?" - Nessler
"My digestive system. Had a great Thanksgiving. My mom had all the duffin muffins, turkey, and stuffing, and it performed great." - Rob Stone

"I gotta go with Brooke Burke, the Dancing with the Stars champion. I hope my wife didn't hear that and I hope her husband didn't hear that." - Nessler, on his Top Performer of the Week.

"Maybe I gotta go with Brooke's husband, any guy who can deal with a guy grabbing his wife for 12 weeks is a top performer." - Nessler
"All kissin' and huggin' her and stuff." - Bob Griese

"Jenkins, a true freshman, is seeing his first action of the year. He's made 10 starts." - Bob Griese, via Smitty Lite.

I tuned into a football game and I swear I stumbled into a bad stand-up show instead. James asked a good question a while ago: where's Stacey Dales? Her hotness might make this tolerable.

Not necessarily a bad announcing thing per se, but an error: in mentioning the number of black Division I-A coaches after Sly Croom's resignation, Tim Brando and Spencer Tillman are saying there are only two (Turner Gill at Buffalo and Kevin Sumlin at Houston.) Guys, don't forget Miami's Randy Shannon.

"How high can Rice count?" - Carter Blackburn, as Rice begins to run it up on Houston.

"24 years later we still have some Flutie Magic." - Ray Bentley, after Doug's nephew Billy Flutie throws a TD on a fake FG.

Florida is waxing the floor with FSU, Auburn is supplying the butt for Alabama,, and the Baylor-Texas Tech tilt is not on TV in my area...never mind, it's on Versus, but that almost doesn't count as televised.

"Touchdown Texas Tech Griffin, Touchdown Baylor Griffin."- Ron Thulin, master of the team identification (via Stephen)

"This isn't his first goat race." - Nessler, on FSU's Drew Weatherford (via Mal)

"I think their pager sensitivity needs to go up." - Kelly Stouffer (via Mal)

Anon provides us with a nice summation of this Versus team: "These guys on VS calling the Texas Tech-Baylor game are some of the worst I've ever heard. Just generally clueless about the rules and what is going on."

Ron Thulin and Kelly Stouffer, everyone. Their crews and camera work have been very poor since Versus got college football last season. Absolutely hackish work.

Guys, I've gotta get ready to go to the Cal Poly game (get cash, walk to the stadium, etc.) Have fun with Bedlam (OK-Okie State) and the further shaming of Pear Bryant as Notre Dame supplies the butt for USC tonight, and I'll see you back here for NFL action tomorrow.

"The two highest-ranked [Big 12 South] teams in the BCS will go to Kansas City and play Missouri in the championship game." - Ron Thulin

"I miss the nightclubs where you didn't need to bring a gun." - Mike Patrick on the Burress incident

"In the upper right folks that is Boone T. Pickens." - Brent Musberger mixing up the correct name of T. Boone Pickens

Musburger: "I listened to your gal Beyonce."
Herbstreit: "What'd you think?"
Musburger: "I went right back to Willy Nelson so fast it was unbelievable. But I'll say one thing; she is attractive...oh baby."

"They line up those tight ends and bang and bang."- Gary Danielson

"Does OU have enough style points to overhaul Texas?"- Brent Musburger