The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 14

Saturday, November 29, 2008


(Taps microphone.) Is this thing on? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? (Taps mic again.)

Hi. Sorry I had to ditch y'all these last two Saturdays. If there are any of you left after slipping into a tryptophan coma (re: the "itis") on Thursday, please join me as I try to keep abreast of the best of our play-by-play and color announcers during Week 14. I'll be with you until about 7 EST or so, because then I'm headed out to Spanos Stadium and some FCS playoffs between Cal Poly and Weber State.

Here's your announcing schedule for Week 14, and let's hop to it! Our leader, the matron saint of this feature, is calling Maryland/BC, 2nd place holder Lou Holtz will be in studio, and Uncle Gary is at the Iron Bowl in Tuscaloosa. I'll be starting at noon EST with Craig Bolerjack and Trev Alberts with Georgia Tech/Georgia. GO BEEEEEEEEEEES.

I originally wrote this as Ian Eagle and Craig Bolerjack, but the 'Jack is doing play-by-play. Yikes, we're gonna be in for a long morning.

Rick James Bible Owner gets us started with some gems from earlier this week:

"(The Big XII) isn't even going to wait and use the BCS standings after the Championships. They're gonna use the November 30th BCS standings." - Rod Gilmore

After a fumble that led to an ASU touchdown:
"You have to play to the whistle." - Chris Spielman
"Except the guy for UCLA (Coleman) is completely deaf." - Sean McDonough

"You know the rule. If you're long, you're never wrong." - Chris Spielman

That's just goofy.

"And there's Dante Lewis" (referring to Dante Love) - Todd Harris, from Tuesday's Ball State game (via BRuss)

"I had so much turkey, that I'm going to explode" - Craig James, during Texas A&M-Texas on Thursday

"A little bit too long for Macho Harris." - Andre Ware (via SSReporters)

"That was like a wedge shot, stuck on to the green. 30 yard punt." - Craig Bolerjack, mixing his sports analogies

"You can hear the concussion from that hit all the way from up here." - Ron Franklin, during Friday's Colorado-Nebraska game (via Stephen)

"Bet you love that when the mouthpiece went flying." - Dave Pasch, after Tyrod Taylor got nailed.
"No. No. I didn't." - Andre Ware
"Did you get up and look for the mouthpiece, use it again?" - Pasch
"Yeah, you got up and looked around for it on the ground, see if you could find it." - Ware

Taylor's gonna be feeling that one all of next week too.

Notes: Sly Croom just got fired or resigned, depending on whom you actually talk to, at Mississippi State.

"Three flags thrown. This ground is littered." - Craig Bolerjack

Honestly, I thought Trev Alberts would say more. He's barely talked this first half.

"John Chapas does a great job of getting behind the uglies there." - Trev Alberts, as Chapas takes a pass from Matt Stafford and makes his way to a first and goal.

"The BCS will take more than Jesse Palmer to figure out." - Wendi Nix, via BSPN

"They haven't penetrated the 40 yard line of Clemson so far." - Eric Collins, via BSPN

"What a year it has been for Brev.....Brett Favre." - Craig Bolerjack, via SSReporters. Craig isn't used to doing the promo end of things for the NFL games.

I just saw Lee Corso in a commercial for Hooters and it disturbed me greatly, aside from the high school AV club production quality.

"A little Dab will do ya." - Tim Brando on Clemson coach Dabo Swinney, who's up 24-7 on the Ol' Ball Coach and his 'Cocks at halftime -- via RJBO

"It was a run from the very....snap of the football." - Andre Ware (via SSR)

"Virginia is for lovers, but there's plenty of hate in this rivalry." - Todd Harris. Ah, the power of cliche....

"The sting is back!" - Trev Alberts, after Jonathan Dwyer goes 60 yards down the sideline for a touchdown.

"And Dwyer for a touchdown.....I mean two!" - Craig Bolerjack, still stunned after that great run when Dwyer runs in the two-point conversion pitch.

"Now let's get that recipe for that Brunswick stool...I mean stew!" - Dave Pasch (Via Anon)

GT just came back from at least two scores down to tie the Dawgs at 28. You should be watching this. VA Tech and UVA are tied at 14, and Clemson is up 24-14 and knocking on the door for another score. Kansas is up 26-10 over Mizzou in the Border War.

"Todd Reesing's swagger is as big as it's been all year long." - Dave Lapham, and as Agent Zero would say, Todd's swag is phenomenal.

Um, Georgia Tech just got another touchdown on a Jonathan Dwyer run and is up 35-28. BEEEEEEEES.

"Big Rock toted it in, got it across the line before the ball got free." - Tom Hammond, giving the nickname for the Southern fullback who just scored. Southern and Grambling are playing in the Bayou Classic on NBC right now, and if you do anything, check out the halftime show for the bands.

"We've got a good ol' fashioned frog choker in Tallahassee." - Brad Nessler (via SSR)

Battle of the Bands time! Everyone to NBC right now!

"You've got an inch into it." - Brad Nessler (via James Craven)

"You talk about sex, she can't even keep her gum in her mouth." - likely (but not sure) of Dave Lapham during KU/Mizzou (amazing finish to that game), via Stephen

"Demps was faster than a rabbit in love." - Brad Nessler, via two Anons. I think we have a new leader in the clubhouse this week.

"I saw him go right down the line and straddling it."- Uncle Gary Danielson, via Stephen

"They'ne not built to come from behind. They're not built to come from ahead, either." - Uncle Gary on Auburn's offense, via James Craven

"I get myself in trouble sometimes saying these things." - Uncle Gary, after Uncle Verne references the previous comment.

"I'll go either way, I'm amphibious."- Uncle Verne Lundquist
"Yes I know that."- Your reigning Pammy Champion, Gary Danielson (via Stephen)

"They say Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas." - Nessler, recycling internet jokes. (via Mal)

"Who's your top performer of the week, Rob?" - Nessler
"My digestive system. Had a great Thanksgiving. My mom had all the duffin muffins, turkey, and stuffing, and it performed great." - Rob Stone

"I gotta go with Brooke Burke, the Dancing with the Stars champion. I hope my wife didn't hear that and I hope her husband didn't hear that." - Nessler, on his Top Performer of the Week.

"Maybe I gotta go with Brooke's husband, any guy who can deal with a guy grabbing his wife for 12 weeks is a top performer." - Nessler
"All kissin' and huggin' her and stuff." - Bob Griese

"Jenkins, a true freshman, is seeing his first action of the year. He's made 10 starts." - Bob Griese, via Smitty Lite.

I tuned into a football game and I swear I stumbled into a bad stand-up show instead. James asked a good question a while ago: where's Stacey Dales? Her hotness might make this tolerable.

Not necessarily a bad announcing thing per se, but an error: in mentioning the number of black Division I-A coaches after Sly Croom's resignation, Tim Brando and Spencer Tillman are saying there are only two (Turner Gill at Buffalo and Kevin Sumlin at Houston.) Guys, don't forget Miami's Randy Shannon.

"How high can Rice count?" - Carter Blackburn, as Rice begins to run it up on Houston.

"24 years later we still have some Flutie Magic." - Ray Bentley, after Doug's nephew Billy Flutie throws a TD on a fake FG.

Florida is waxing the floor with FSU, Auburn is supplying the butt for Alabama,, and the Baylor-Texas Tech tilt is not on TV in my area...never mind, it's on Versus, but that almost doesn't count as televised.

"Touchdown Texas Tech Griffin, Touchdown Baylor Griffin."- Ron Thulin, master of the team identification (via Stephen)

"This isn't his first goat race." - Nessler, on FSU's Drew Weatherford (via Mal)

"I think their pager sensitivity needs to go up." - Kelly Stouffer (via Mal)

Anon provides us with a nice summation of this Versus team: "These guys on VS calling the Texas Tech-Baylor game are some of the worst I've ever heard. Just generally clueless about the rules and what is going on."

Ron Thulin and Kelly Stouffer, everyone. Their crews and camera work have been very poor since Versus got college football last season. Absolutely hackish work.

Guys, I've gotta get ready to go to the Cal Poly game (get cash, walk to the stadium, etc.) Have fun with Bedlam (OK-Okie State) and the further shaming of Pear Bryant as Notre Dame supplies the butt for USC tonight, and I'll see you back here for NFL action tomorrow.

"The two highest-ranked [Big 12 South] teams in the BCS will go to Kansas City and play Missouri in the championship game." - Ron Thulin

"I miss the nightclubs where you didn't need to bring a gun." - Mike Patrick on the Burress incident

"In the upper right folks that is Boone T. Pickens." - Brent Musberger mixing up the correct name of T. Boone Pickens

Musburger: "I listened to your gal Beyonce."
Herbstreit: "What'd you think?"
Musburger: "I went right back to Willy Nelson so fast it was unbelievable. But I'll say one thing; she is attractive...oh baby."

"They line up those tight ends and bang and bang."- Gary Danielson

"Does OU have enough style points to overhaul Texas?"- Brent Musburger

Posted by Signal to Noise at 12:00 PM

320 Comments:

Can we include Bill Simmons here for being such a tired guy. I mean he deserves to be on this list. I nominate Bill Simmons.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:04:00 PM  

Yes I do

Bill Simmons said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:09:00 PM  

From the last couple of days:

Rodney Gilmore: "(The Big XII) isn't even going to wait and use the BCS standings after the Championships. They're gonna use the November 30th BCS standings."

After a fumble that led to an ASU touchdown:
Spielman: "You have to play to the whistle."
McDonough: "Except the guy for UCLA (Coleman) is completely deaf."

Spielman: "You know the rule. If you're long, you're never wrong."

Nov 29, 2008, 12:09:00 PM  

Anon - we are limited to people who announce/commentate on college football, so, no.

Signal to Noise said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:09:00 PM  

"That play goes for little or no gain." - Radio announcer of the Bloomsburg-Cal (PA) D2 playoff game. I tuned in late and missed his name, all I know is the analyst has called him Jim.

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:11:00 PM  

From Tuesday night, courtesy of Todd Harris: "And there's Dante Lewis" (referring to Dante Love)
- Ray Bentley called him Dante Lewis shortly after, too

B Russ said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:11:00 PM  

Oh, I forgot to mention the awfulness of that quote. The play went for 5 yards.

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:13:00 PM  

TOUCHDOWN HUSKIES!!!!!

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:13:00 PM  

"I actually stopped watching the play and tried to get Presley's number for the great play." - Analyst in the Bloom-Cal (PA) game on a play that was by the BU defensemen but caught by a Vulcan defensemen for a first down.

Gotta love it when analysts admit their mistakes.

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:18:00 PM  

Anyone else see in the GT/UGA game the graphic of the GT kicker's stats? Under every category it said "X".


Hilarious.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:19:00 PM  

Craig James during the Texas game on Thanksgiving "I had so much turkey, that I'm going to explode"

bspn said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:24:00 PM  

SIGNAL TO NOISE IS MY GAY LOVER!!!!

gay man said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:26:00 PM  

"A little bit too long for Macho Harris." - Andre Ware

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:30:00 PM  

Guys, Sign on San Diego or whatever that is......reports that Matt Vasgersian will not be back next year with the NFL on FOX nor will he call a BCS game for FOX due to MLB Network commitments.


This opens up the possibility of Chris Rose moving in as permanent commentator for FOX........and that makes me mad.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:42:00 PM  

"Somebody filled that hole." - Radio PbP guy in the BU-Cal (PA) game.

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:44:00 PM  

Chris Rose? Oh, dear God, no.

Does Craig Bolerjack hesitate every time he has a difficult last name to say?

Nov 29, 2008, 12:45:00 PM  

"You can hear the concussion from that hit all the way from up here"-Ron Franklin, during fridays Colorado-Nebraska game.

In other news, Trev Alberts is a very solid color guy.

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:46:00 PM  

On Vasgersian no longer doing games for Fox: Damn!

On Chris Rose being his replacement: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:47:00 PM  

As long as John Salley isn't doing PxP, I'm OK.....

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:49:00 PM  

Guys guys guys!!!!! That's just my thinking, Rose has done 3 games already this season, 2 with JC Pearson when Vasgersian was with another announcing crew.



It seems that Chris Rose is the only possibility, possibly with John Lynch.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:50:00 PM  

"My cock is small." - Pam Ward

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:52:00 PM  

Or they could give Thom Brennaman more games.

Remember, Matt is a 5th string guy, so you probably won't feel too much after effect....

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:53:00 PM  

Sylvester Croom is no longer Mississippi State's head coach.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:53:00 PM  

Trev Alberts is a very solid color guy.

His man-crush while he was at ESPN, Danny Ware, isn't at Georgia anymore. He has no one to slobber over.

Nov 29, 2008, 12:54:00 PM  

Sly Croom gets fired (bringing the number of african americans in coaching down by 2 in the last few weeks), Plaxico Burress gets shot in the leg (possibly by himself accidently, as reported by Foxsports), not a good day for African-Americans, huh?

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:55:00 PM  

@ Anon, that may be the best troll comment ever.


@ Stephen, Brennaman is with the Big Ten and he already gets plenty of games with FOX. Why do that?


Vasgersian is a 5th stringer, but he jumped up a few spots when Buck was calling the WS, he had games with Brian Baldinger while Stockton moved to #1.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 12:58:00 PM  

Got a chance to listen to Don Criqui and Dan Fouts yesterday and I thought they were very good....got a great game to call.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:02:00 PM  

For the love of god, trade Dan Fouts with Randy Cross on the NFL depth chart PLEASE. Fouts is a very good color guy.

People probably thought his MNF stint and his brief time as a (notably horrible) PxP voice killed him.

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:07:00 PM  

@ Stephen, "And it's MIFFED!!".

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:09:00 PM  

Does anybody know if AA will be selling those coffee mugs for Christmas again this year?

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:11:00 PM  

@ stephen:

I agree with you about Dan Fouts. CBS doesn't use him and I don't know why. I think he has only done a couple NFL games in a 3 man booth with Enberg and Cross.

Josh said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:13:00 PM  

Sean Glennon sucks.......

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:13:00 PM  

@ Josh, Fouts is being used by CBS as an analyst for Westwood One.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:14:00 PM  

I suck balls.

Joe Buck said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:18:00 PM  

SS - Sean Glennon is the white Reggie Ball.

Signal to Noise said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:21:00 PM  

"What a year it has been for Brev.....Brett Favre." - Craig Bolerjack

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:21:00 PM  

Nothing like Craig Bolerjack to bring up Brett Favre in the middle of a fuckin SEC game....

He must be ESPN's version of Tony Kornheiser

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:22:00 PM  

"If you see to this week schedule, there is a lot of rivalry games" - Craig James on Rivalry Week.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:24:00 PM  

2 from the Dr. Lou segment on Thursday....

"I can't eat when the Cubs lose, what is that 57 years or something?"

"I'm thankful for our troops, and I wish you were with them" -Lou Holtz to Mark May

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:25:00 PM  

"They haven't penetrated the 40 yard line of Clemson so far" Eric Collins

bspn said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:25:00 PM  

Wendi Nix "The BCS will take more than Jesse Palmer to figure out"

bspn said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:28:00 PM  

"This game means EVERYTHING to the Clemson Tigers and coach Dabo Swinney " Eric collins

bspn said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:41:00 PM  

David Norrie- "Dabo Swinney goes for the jugular" (after they go for the end zone at the end of the 1st half)

Joe said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:42:00 PM  

Sanford has some big problems with their clock. ;-)

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:48:00 PM  

Is Florida #2 in any of the polls that matter in the BCS?

Nov 29, 2008, 1:51:00 PM  

If it was possible to shoot through the computer screen and kill the refs of the BU-Cal game, I would do it. They may have just cost the Huskies a shot at the D2 football final 4.

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:51:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nov 29, 2008, 1:52:00 PM  

RJBO: No, that would be the AP, they just wanna do their bs 1 v. 2 thing.

In other news, the St Louis Rams are starting THIS YEAR'S Mr. Irrelevant on Sunday, making him the first Mr. Irrelevent to start in his rookie year in 14 years.

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:54:00 PM  

"It was a run from the very....snap of the football." - Andre Ware

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 1:54:00 PM  

Brando: "A little Dab will do ya."

At least he didn't call it the Dabo Show.

Nov 29, 2008, 1:57:00 PM  

"Virginia is a state for lovers" Todd Harris

bspn said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:03:00 PM  

What's a fourteen letter phrase for the feeling I get during that Jared Crossword commercial:

Gouge My Eyes Out

Nov 29, 2008, 2:08:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nov 29, 2008, 2:14:00 PM  

Craig Bolerjack just won the week, that is just awful.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:18:00 PM  

"Now let's get that recipe for that Brunswick stool...I mean stew!"

-Dave Pasch

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:19:00 PM  

WOW GT!!!!!!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:35:00 PM  

Was Bolerjack about to call Trev Alberts "Steve" before the AFLAC trivia answer?

Nov 29, 2008, 2:40:00 PM  

yes he was saying SSST but said Trev.
Great game though and great announcers.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:43:00 PM  

Craig has got me "pumped up" for Wenzeljack come March Madness.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:43:00 PM  

Honestly, The 'Jack and Trevvy have called this one pretty straight.

Signal to Noise said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:45:00 PM  

@ S2N 2:45 p.m.: Couldn't agree more. Quite a game we have here.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:49:00 PM  

This is paraphrased...

Trev Albert: "you're sitting on a comfortable lead..."

GT was up by 7.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:51:00 PM  

They just keep milking the Michael Phelps story......it's SWIMMING!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:53:00 PM  

@SSReporters: If it were BINGO, would it be a different story?

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 2:56:00 PM  

I took my clothes off and ripped signal to noises off. My vagina was tense and cum was squirting from all the excitement. We fucked all day and I loved it.

hot chick said...
Nov 29, 2008, 3:03:00 PM  

Va. Tech wins.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 3:06:00 PM  

Knowshon Moreno is better than you. This is an absolute classic.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 3:17:00 PM  

Tim Brando on Florida-Florida State: "quagmire-like conditions."

Joe said...
Nov 29, 2008, 3:29:00 PM  

"We've got a good ol' fashioned frog choker in Tallahassee." - Brad Nessler

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 3:32:00 PM  

Craig Bolerjack: "They (Georgia) nearly dried up the play clock."

Joe said...
Nov 29, 2008, 3:36:00 PM  

That's it, GT WINS!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 3:48:00 PM  

"24 years ago...[Doug Flutie] threw that hailmary pass to beat Miami...right here on this field." - Pam Ward, forgetting that the hailmary game was played in the Orange Bowl, and NOT in Chestnut Hill.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 3:54:00 PM  

KANSAS/MISSOURI NOW!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE FINISH!!!!!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:02:00 PM  

Stay classy, gay man, anon 12:52 PM, "Joe Buck" and hot chick.

Now if cursing man gets here...

Great line from Brad Nessler after the FSU QB was introduced about getting his feet wet:

"You've got an inch into it."

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:04:00 PM  

"You talk about sex, she can't even keep her gum in her mouth"-Commentator on the Kansas/Massou game.

May have this quote wrong, someone else whos watching the game give me a confirmation here?

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:06:00 PM  

IT IS SWEARING MAN YOU FUCKING RETARD OF FUCK!!!!!

Swearing Man said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:07:00 PM  

KANSAS WINS!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLASSIC!!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:07:00 PM  

Being interviewed after the game, Mark Mangino "Our injury list was as long as toilet paper!"

bspn said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:08:00 PM  

Poor Missou. And they have to visit that same field next week....

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:09:00 PM  

Nessler: He was faster than a rabbit in love.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:13:00 PM  

"Demps is faster than a rabbit in love." - Brad Nessler. Wow, just wow.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:13:00 PM  

Nessler: Demps is faster than a rabbit in love.

Your Pam Ward winner for the week, gentlemen.

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:13:00 PM  

"I saw him go right down the line and straddling it."-Your first Gary Danielson quote of the day

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:16:00 PM  

Curse the fact I'm blacked out of the Florida-FSU game.

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:18:00 PM  

Stay classy, swearing man.

Uncle Gary talking abouit Auburn's offense: "They'ne not built to come from behind. They're not built to come from ahead, either."

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:19:00 PM  

You don't get ESPN 2, JFein?

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:19:00 PM  

Griese: "You don't want to get anyone hurt, especially when they are playing well."

Good point.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:21:00 PM  

Promo line of the day:

"SEC Football on CBS. A Saturday Tradition (Since 1996 or thereabouts)."

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:22:00 PM  

@ jamescraven: Yeah, I get ESPN2 but I was blacked out on ESPN2 and I have BC-Maryland on ABC. Maybe it was just the satellite dish. I'm not where I normally am this week. I must have to settle for cable then.

On the plus side, I do have Versus this week.

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:23:00 PM  

By the way, that's Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman doing the Kay Jewelery ads.

We older types call her Jane Seymour.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:24:00 PM  

And I don't have a laptop with me this week either nor do I have a room with both a CPU and a TV in it so I'll be scarce around the Pammies for the rest of the day.

JFein said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:25:00 PM  

JFein - you get Pammy!

Signal to Noise said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:25:00 PM  

Little note, know it's early, but Tech is not themselves versus Baylor, down 13-7.

I think the BCS is a little on the Bears side in that game.

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:27:00 PM  

BTSW, Croom resigned, but not under pressure.

I predict he's going back to Alabama in '09.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:28:00 PM  

Anyone know where Stacy Dales is this week? They have Rob Stone in her place and he's not as good looking.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:29:00 PM  

One of the things that we can all be grateful for this Thanksgiving season is that Toyota's 'Saved By Zero' ads have mercifully come to an end.

Gregg said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:31:00 PM  

"I'll go either way, I'm Amphibious"- Uncle Verne

"Yes I know that"- Your reigning Pammy Champion, Gary Danielson

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:32:00 PM  

But Gregg, they're running ads for "The Toyotathon of all Toyotathons" now.

This from the Department of Redundant Redundancy Department.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:32:00 PM  

Texas Tech just scored.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:36:00 PM  

Has anyone seen the Ozzie Osbourne World of Warcraft ad?

"SHARONNNNNNN! The fucking dogs took a shit on the fucking Oriental carpets!"

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:38:00 PM  

Nessler: "They say Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas".

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:42:00 PM  

Is AA going to tell us who won LAST WEEK'S Pammies? We never got an entry with those winners.

Tom said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:52:00 PM  

And if Oregon State wins, utah could get screwed...

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 4:52:00 PM  

Rob Stone: "My performer of the week is "my disgestive system"".


Nessler: My performer of the week is "Brooke Burke".

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:01:00 PM  

Griese: "Jenkins, a true freshman, is seeing his first action of the year. He's made 10 starts". Dead silence from Maguire and Nessler as that sinks in...

Smitty Lite said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:01:00 PM  

Nessler, as the FSU QB eludes the UF rush: "Ponder better not ponder much longer".

Not punny, Brad.

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:12:00 PM  

Baylor leading Texas Tech 21-14 at the half. Judging by the first half call, Ron Thulin may stroke out if the second half is as exciting.

J said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:13:00 PM  

BTW, Mizzou will burn those gold jerseys because they lost.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:14:00 PM  

After Florida started to run it up on the Noles: "Oh, my goodness."

-The Inaneness That Is Verne Lundquist (TITIVL).

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:46:00 PM  

Ward and Bentley were stating that play blown dead should be reviewed because the ball came loose. Can a non-call on a fumble be reviewed if the play is blown dead by the ref?

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:46:00 PM  

Bentley, after Billy Flutie throws a TD pass on a fake FG: "24 years later we still have some Flutie Magic".

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:49:00 PM  

Carter Blackburn on CBS College Sports after Rice scored another touchdown and nmow sees Houston (as TRTIMP would point out) "providing the butt in a butt whooping":

"How high can Rice count?"

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:57:00 PM  

I know it's been done before but:

"Touchdown Texas Tech Griffin, Touchdown Baylor Griffin"- Ron Thulin, master of the team idenitfication.

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 5:58:00 PM  

I guess s2n doesnt get versus....

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:03:00 PM  

"Playoffs?"

-Kelly Stouffer channeling his inner Jim Mora Sr. during Baylor/Texas Tech on Versus.

Sucks, doesn't it, S2N?

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:06:00 PM  

I didn't realize it was on Versus, guys.

I have Versus but I don't actually count it as television. It's like the AV club running a TV network.

Signal to Noise said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:09:00 PM  

How dare you insult an AV club like that, I know AV clubs that can run that crap better.

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:12:00 PM  

Nessler, on Weatherford: "This isn't his first goat race".

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:13:00 PM  

Stay classy, JamesCraven.

Wally said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:16:00 PM  

I know of local cable access stations that are run better than quite a few AV clubs.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:16:00 PM  

Kelly Stouffer: "I think their pager sensitivity needs to go up".

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:21:00 PM  

These guys on VS calling the Texas Tech-Baylor game are some of the worst I've ever heard. Just generally clueless about the rules and what is going on.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:22:00 PM  

Baylor had a pick and a fumble recovery called back on that drive because of stupid penalties. How did Texas lose to this team?

Brian said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:23:00 PM  

Tech TD again.

Now no matter what happens, we have another BCS controversy for the third straight year.

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:34:00 PM  

"The two highest-ranked [Big 12 South] teams in the BCS will go to Kansas City and play Missouri in the championship game." -- Ron Thulin

Man, sounds like Missouri's screwed!

TAS said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:42:00 PM  

TAS, if Mizzou wins, then who gets screwed? If Oregon State wins, Southern California gets screwed.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:50:00 PM  

USC is screwed in terms of the Rose, but they'll probably get a Fiesta bowl berth anyway.

The team who would really get the screwing of no BCS money with an Oregon State Civil war win is Ohio State, or maybe Boise State (but I doubt the clout of a Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl would outshine OSU' drawing power)

stephen said...
Nov 29, 2008, 6:56:00 PM  

Ron Thulin's quote was not that good. You should have heard Eric Collins and Norrie doing the SC game today.

They were so biased toward Clemson, it wasn't even funny. That "jugular" comment was just the tip of the iceberg. No wonder we got the fifth-string team.

Joe said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:07:00 PM  

Haha, I was just saying that Thulin made it sound like Missouri had to play the top two teams in the Big 12 South next week.

TAS said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:08:00 PM  

Mark Jones: "Tennessee's defense for much of the year has been intransigent". Intransigent? Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls.

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:09:00 PM  

Mal channeling the spirit of Dan Rowan with that last comment, hermetically sealed on a mayonaise jar on Funk and Wagnall's porch since noon today.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:38:00 PM  

I cant stop stroking myself.

stay classy said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:41:00 PM  

Just a shameless plug, but live blog at my website for Jaguars/Texans on Monday!!!


We thought 49ers/Cardinals will suck, so don't count this one out!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:42:00 PM  

Stay classy, stay classy.

Tim Neveritt channeling Biff Barnes: "This game on versus is brought to you in High Definitio by Poiner."
Glenn Parker: "I look good in high definition."
Neveritt: "Especially off camera."

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:46:00 PM  

Davies: "These two teams (KY and UT) could play for four straight days and not score 102 points like they did last year".

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:47:00 PM  

@ssr: what is your website?

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:48:00 PM  

Or...in English: "this game on Versus is brought to you in high definition by Pioneer."

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:48:00 PM  

Anyone here thinking that the Tournament of Roses is rooting for Southern Cal to win the Pac-10 title?

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:52:00 PM  

This announcer from the ORE/OSU game sounds like he is on drugs.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:57:00 PM  

@ Mal....

http://ssreporters.wordpress.com



According to Versus, the Civil War is a famous RIVALY.


What a terrible network for football.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 7:58:00 PM  

A woman is holding a sign that reads "These Beavers smell like Roses."


Hilarious.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:03:00 PM  

You might say this Civil War is Joel McHale's favorite rivalry.

Zzzzzzz...Ducks and Beavers!

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:07:00 PM  

Tim Neverett sounds awful.....he drives me insane.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:09:00 PM  

Another plug for my site, but I'm pitting the best seasons for all of the expansion teams the NFL has had (the Browns revival does not count), and simulate the season on Whatifsports.


For example, the 2000 Ravens would face the 2002 Buccaneers. The 2005 Seahawks would play the 2007 Texans, and so on.


The teams are the 1999 Jaguars, the 2003 Panthers, 2002 Bucs, 2007 Texans, 2005 Seahawks, and the 2000 Ravens.


Anyone want to make a wager? ;-)


Here's what I'm using and here's an example result.


http://www.whatifsports.com/NFL/boxscore.asp?GameID=808863&nomenu=1&teamfee=-1&theme=-1

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:18:00 PM  

@JamesCraven 8:07: ZZZ. Stay classy.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:21:00 PM  

doesn't look like we're going to eclipse the 600-plus comments from last week. I want Texas to win the Big XII because Bommer Sooner is such an annoying song.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:22:00 PM  

MY DAD FUCKED ALL OF YOUR MOTHERS!!!

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:23:00 PM  

Davies: "Whoever wants it the most is going to win this game". Could he just add, "if at first you don't suceed, try try again" to hit the cliche' exacta?

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:23:00 PM  

Fulmer is happy now, 14-3 TEN over UK.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:23:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:24:00 PM  

Davies: "I don't want to use the word 'loaf' but the cornerback let the WR run right by him".

Jones: "You can use 'loaf' if it fits".

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:25:00 PM  

ease up on the f-bombs, people.

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:26:00 PM  

@ Anon 8:23.....so one of us has a(nother) sibling?

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:31:00 PM  

"Monday night is spaghetti night at my house." - Bob Davie

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:35:00 PM  

All together now:

Stay classy, anon 8:23 PM!

Anyone keeping an eye out for comments by TRTIMP (The Randomness That Is Mike Patrick)?

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:36:00 PM  

"I miss the nightclubs where you didn't need to bring a gun." - Mike Patrick on the Burress incident

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:38:00 PM  

And USC is going to the Rose Bowl now. It's 30-10 Oregon.


I hate life.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:42:00 PM  

Whoa, hold on SSR...

If Oregon wins and USC loses, the Ducks are Pasadena bound. There's still the matter of Southern California-UCLA next week, and two years ago, UCLA beat the Men of Troy spoiling a National Championship game appearance.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:44:00 PM  

And besides, a Penn State-Southern California game is better for TV than a Penn State-Oregon or Penn State-Oregon State rematch game.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:46:00 PM  

now 37-10. It's going to be USC-Penn State in what should be a good rose bowl.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:46:00 PM  

Paulie, did you read my 8:44 PM post?

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:47:00 PM  

PICK 6!!!! USC WINS THE PAC-10, it's 37-10!!!




Crap.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:49:00 PM  

That's not completely far-fetched. They do have a tendancy of sleepwalking against some of these teams they are expected to roll.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:50:00 PM  

@ James, it's USC, they always find a way to get in the Rose Bowl. They will not lose to UCLA.....and if they do then I'll be jumping for joy.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:50:00 PM  

Southern California just scored and so did Oregon State.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:51:00 PM  

Not so fast my friend - Beavers score!

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:51:00 PM  

... and right after I type that the Men of Troy pick off ND and run 55 yards for a TD. This may get ugly for the Domers and Weis.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:51:00 PM  

Brent Musburger: "Look what we found here. Oklahoma held to seven points in the first quarter [against Oklahoma State]."

He's already in mid drink form.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:54:00 PM  

Mike Patrick is confused by the Aflac trivia question. My guess is ND and USC are two of the five.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:55:00 PM  

TRTIMP confused?

Noooooooo!

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:56:00 PM  

"In the upper right folks that is Boone T. Pickens." - Brent Musberger.....I think it's T. Boone Pickens, FAIL!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:57:00 PM  

Any pantyless song girls on the Trojans sideline?

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:58:00 PM  

I was right about the Aflac trivia question. The other three are UCLA, Michigan State and Washington.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:59:00 PM  

TD OK ST!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:59:00 PM  

"boone t pickens"

how much booze have you had brent?

chuck said...
Nov 29, 2008, 8:59:00 PM  

James, they'll drop their panties tonight when they come over to my place.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:00:00 PM  

Like I said, SSR, Captain Three-Sheets-To-The-Wind is in mid-drink form tonight.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:01:00 PM  

...another USC touch down. Fight on!

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:02:00 PM  

Brent's favorite author: Scott F. Fitzgerald.

Brent's hero: Edgar J. Hoover.

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:06:00 PM  

The Musburger jokes write themselves. His favorite wrestler was Brian B. Blair.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:10:00 PM  

Favorite actor to pretend to be a black guy in a bad movie: Thomas C. Howell.

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:12:00 PM  

Here's what we know about next week:

College GameDay likely will be doubling up, with Chris, Kirk and Corso in KC for the Big 12 title game and in the ATL with Reece, Mark and Dr. Lou for Alabama-Florida, leaving Wendy Nix and jesse palmer in the main studio. And where Herbie is, Captain Three-Sheets-To-The-Wind won't be that far behind at Arrowhead.

Also, Brad Nessler said that he, Bob Griese, Paul Maguire and (let's all hope) Stacy Dales will be at The New RayJay Sombrero for BC-Virginia Tech. And in a tradtiton as old as time, expect Verne and Crazy Uncle Gary will call the SEC Title Game, while Ian Eagle and Boomer Esaison will be here in Philadelphia for Army-Navy. The Matron Saint of Pammy Chronicles will work Friday Night at Ford Field for Buffalo-Ball State.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:19:00 PM  

Did Captain-Three-Sheets-To-the-Wind say Beyonce's name properly?

His other favorite oilman was Paul J. Getty.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:21:00 PM  

Musberger still not a fan of Beonce.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:21:00 PM  

At the risk of making what may be a blasphemous statement, Erin Andrews looks quite plain and un-hot today.

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:23:00 PM  

Still 37-17 Oregon.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:24:00 PM  

I thought it was a fumble for a td, but that probably won't happen.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:26:00 PM  

And we have a play under review...

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:26:00 PM  

Mike Reilly, your thoughts...

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:28:00 PM  

we have a review to see if the play is review-able. Good gosh, the Pac-10 officials are again horrible.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:28:00 PM  

And it looks like Tennessee will win against Kentucky in Fullmer's farewell...

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:30:00 PM  

Musburger: "I listened to your gal Beyonce."
Herbstreit: "What'd you think?"
Musburger: "I went right back to Willy Nelson so fast it was unbelievable. But I'll say one thing; she is attractive...oh baby."

Musburger...what a creep.

And he is now referring to the quarterbacks solely by their first names, Zac and Sam.

He's in rare form.

Anonymous said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:35:00 PM  

Touchdown OSU.....what a game!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:35:00 PM  

TD Beavers... this game isn't over.

walnuts said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:36:00 PM  

"What are your emotions right now?" - Erin Andrews to Phil Fulmer who is trying to avoid crying


That's why I hate sideline reporters.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:37:00 PM  

There is no 6 inch line, Musberger and other announcers.

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:40:00 PM  

Vols win one for Fulmer. Erin A. got to pray with the players and coaches after the game, too. Classic.

Mal said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:40:00 PM  

Now anon 9:35 PM, that's why we call him Captain-Three-Sheets-To-The-Wind.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:42:00 PM  

Another TD......and scene in Corvallis!

SSReporters said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:42:00 PM  

Now Page Two.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 29, 2008, 9:45:00 PM  

Post a Comment