Can we include Bill Simmons here for being such a tired guy. I mean he deserves to be on this list. I nominate Bill Simmons.

Yes I do

From the last couple of days:

Rodney Gilmore: "(The Big XII) isn't even going to wait and use the BCS standings after the Championships. They're gonna use the November 30th BCS standings."

After a fumble that led to an ASU touchdown:
Spielman: "You have to play to the whistle."
McDonough: "Except the guy for UCLA (Coleman) is completely deaf."

Spielman: "You know the rule. If you're long, you're never wrong."

Anon - we are limited to people who announce/commentate on college football, so, no.

"That play goes for little or no gain." - Radio announcer of the Bloomsburg-Cal (PA) D2 playoff game. I tuned in late and missed his name, all I know is the analyst has called him Jim.

From Tuesday night, courtesy of Todd Harris: "And there's Dante Lewis" (referring to Dante Love)
- Ray Bentley called him Dante Lewis shortly after, too

Oh, I forgot to mention the awfulness of that quote. The play went for 5 yards.

TOUCHDOWN HUSKIES!!!!!

"I actually stopped watching the play and tried to get Presley's number for the great play." - Analyst in the Bloom-Cal (PA) game on a play that was by the BU defensemen but caught by a Vulcan defensemen for a first down.

Gotta love it when analysts admit their mistakes.

Anyone else see in the GT/UGA game the graphic of the GT kicker's stats? Under every category it said "X".


Hilarious.

Craig James during the Texas game on Thanksgiving "I had so much turkey, that I'm going to explode"

SIGNAL TO NOISE IS MY GAY LOVER!!!!

"A little bit too long for Macho Harris." - Andre Ware

Guys, Sign on San Diego or whatever that is......reports that Matt Vasgersian will not be back next year with the NFL on FOX nor will he call a BCS game for FOX due to MLB Network commitments.


This opens up the possibility of Chris Rose moving in as permanent commentator for FOX........and that makes me mad.

"Somebody filled that hole." - Radio PbP guy in the BU-Cal (PA) game.

Chris Rose? Oh, dear God, no.

Does Craig Bolerjack hesitate every time he has a difficult last name to say?

"You can hear the concussion from that hit all the way from up here"-Ron Franklin, during fridays Colorado-Nebraska game.

In other news, Trev Alberts is a very solid color guy.

On Vasgersian no longer doing games for Fox: Damn!

On Chris Rose being his replacement: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

As long as John Salley isn't doing PxP, I'm OK.....

Guys guys guys!!!!! That's just my thinking, Rose has done 3 games already this season, 2 with JC Pearson when Vasgersian was with another announcing crew.



It seems that Chris Rose is the only possibility, possibly with John Lynch.

"My cock is small." - Pam Ward

Or they could give Thom Brennaman more games.

Remember, Matt is a 5th string guy, so you probably won't feel too much after effect....

Sylvester Croom is no longer Mississippi State's head coach.

Trev Alberts is a very solid color guy.

His man-crush while he was at ESPN, Danny Ware, isn't at Georgia anymore. He has no one to slobber over.

Sly Croom gets fired (bringing the number of african americans in coaching down by 2 in the last few weeks), Plaxico Burress gets shot in the leg (possibly by himself accidently, as reported by Foxsports), not a good day for African-Americans, huh?

@ Anon, that may be the best troll comment ever.


@ Stephen, Brennaman is with the Big Ten and he already gets plenty of games with FOX. Why do that?


Vasgersian is a 5th stringer, but he jumped up a few spots when Buck was calling the WS, he had games with Brian Baldinger while Stockton moved to #1.

Got a chance to listen to Don Criqui and Dan Fouts yesterday and I thought they were very good....got a great game to call.

For the love of god, trade Dan Fouts with Randy Cross on the NFL depth chart PLEASE. Fouts is a very good color guy.

People probably thought his MNF stint and his brief time as a (notably horrible) PxP voice killed him.

@ Stephen, "And it's MIFFED!!".

Does anybody know if AA will be selling those coffee mugs for Christmas again this year?

@ stephen:

I agree with you about Dan Fouts. CBS doesn't use him and I don't know why. I think he has only done a couple NFL games in a 3 man booth with Enberg and Cross.

Sean Glennon sucks.......

@ Josh, Fouts is being used by CBS as an analyst for Westwood One.

I suck balls.

SS - Sean Glennon is the white Reggie Ball.

"What a year it has been for Brev.....Brett Favre." - Craig Bolerjack

Nothing like Craig Bolerjack to bring up Brett Favre in the middle of a fuckin SEC game....

He must be ESPN's version of Tony Kornheiser

"If you see to this week schedule, there is a lot of rivalry games" - Craig James on Rivalry Week.

2 from the Dr. Lou segment on Thursday....

"I can't eat when the Cubs lose, what is that 57 years or something?"

"I'm thankful for our troops, and I wish you were with them" -Lou Holtz to Mark May

"They haven't penetrated the 40 yard line of Clemson so far" Eric Collins

Wendi Nix "The BCS will take more than Jesse Palmer to figure out"

"This game means EVERYTHING to the Clemson Tigers and coach Dabo Swinney " Eric collins

David Norrie- "Dabo Swinney goes for the jugular" (after they go for the end zone at the end of the 1st half)

Sanford has some big problems with their clock. ;-)

Is Florida #2 in any of the polls that matter in the BCS?

If it was possible to shoot through the computer screen and kill the refs of the BU-Cal game, I would do it. They may have just cost the Huskies a shot at the D2 football final 4.

RJBO: No, that would be the AP, they just wanna do their bs 1 v. 2 thing.

In other news, the St Louis Rams are starting THIS YEAR'S Mr. Irrelevant on Sunday, making him the first Mr. Irrelevent to start in his rookie year in 14 years.

"It was a run from the very....snap of the football." - Andre Ware

Brando: "A little Dab will do ya."

At least he didn't call it the Dabo Show.

"Virginia is a state for lovers" Todd Harris

What's a fourteen letter phrase for the feeling I get during that Jared Crossword commercial:

Gouge My Eyes Out

Craig Bolerjack just won the week, that is just awful.

"Now let's get that recipe for that Brunswick stool...I mean stew!"

-Dave Pasch

WOW GT!!!!!!

Was Bolerjack about to call Trev Alberts "Steve" before the AFLAC trivia answer?

yes he was saying SSST but said Trev.
Great game though and great announcers.

Craig has got me "pumped up" for Wenzeljack come March Madness.

Honestly, The 'Jack and Trevvy have called this one pretty straight.

@ S2N 2:45 p.m.: Couldn't agree more. Quite a game we have here.

This is paraphrased...

Trev Albert: "you're sitting on a comfortable lead..."

GT was up by 7.

They just keep milking the Michael Phelps story......it's SWIMMING!

@SSReporters: If it were BINGO, would it be a different story?

I took my clothes off and ripped signal to noises off. My vagina was tense and cum was squirting from all the excitement. We fucked all day and I loved it.

Va. Tech wins.

Knowshon Moreno is better than you. This is an absolute classic.

Tim Brando on Florida-Florida State: "quagmire-like conditions."

"We've got a good ol' fashioned frog choker in Tallahassee." - Brad Nessler

Craig Bolerjack: "They (Georgia) nearly dried up the play clock."

That's it, GT WINS!

"24 years ago...[Doug Flutie] threw that hailmary pass to beat Miami...right here on this field." - Pam Ward, forgetting that the hailmary game was played in the Orange Bowl, and NOT in Chestnut Hill.

KANSAS/MISSOURI NOW!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE FINISH!!!!!

Stay classy, gay man, anon 12:52 PM, "Joe Buck" and hot chick.

Now if cursing man gets here...

Great line from Brad Nessler after the FSU QB was introduced about getting his feet wet:

"You've got an inch into it."

"You talk about sex, she can't even keep her gum in her mouth"-Commentator on the Kansas/Massou game.

May have this quote wrong, someone else whos watching the game give me a confirmation here?

IT IS SWEARING MAN YOU FUCKING RETARD OF FUCK!!!!!

KANSAS WINS!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLASSIC!!

Being interviewed after the game, Mark Mangino "Our injury list was as long as toilet paper!"

Poor Missou. And they have to visit that same field next week....

Nessler: He was faster than a rabbit in love.

"Demps is faster than a rabbit in love." - Brad Nessler. Wow, just wow.

Nessler: Demps is faster than a rabbit in love.

Your Pam Ward winner for the week, gentlemen.

"I saw him go right down the line and straddling it."-Your first Gary Danielson quote of the day

Curse the fact I'm blacked out of the Florida-FSU game.

Stay classy, swearing man.

Uncle Gary talking abouit Auburn's offense: "They'ne not built to come from behind. They're not built to come from ahead, either."

You don't get ESPN 2, JFein?

Griese: "You don't want to get anyone hurt, especially when they are playing well."

Good point.

Promo line of the day:

"SEC Football on CBS. A Saturday Tradition (Since 1996 or thereabouts)."

@ jamescraven: Yeah, I get ESPN2 but I was blacked out on ESPN2 and I have BC-Maryland on ABC. Maybe it was just the satellite dish. I'm not where I normally am this week. I must have to settle for cable then.

On the plus side, I do have Versus this week.

By the way, that's Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman doing the Kay Jewelery ads.

We older types call her Jane Seymour.

And I don't have a laptop with me this week either nor do I have a room with both a CPU and a TV in it so I'll be scarce around the Pammies for the rest of the day.

JFein - you get Pammy!

Little note, know it's early, but Tech is not themselves versus Baylor, down 13-7.

I think the BCS is a little on the Bears side in that game.

BTSW, Croom resigned, but not under pressure.

I predict he's going back to Alabama in '09.

Anyone know where Stacy Dales is this week? They have Rob Stone in her place and he's not as good looking.

One of the things that we can all be grateful for this Thanksgiving season is that Toyota's 'Saved By Zero' ads have mercifully come to an end.

"I'll go either way, I'm Amphibious"- Uncle Verne

"Yes I know that"- Your reigning Pammy Champion, Gary Danielson

But Gregg, they're running ads for "The Toyotathon of all Toyotathons" now.

This from the Department of Redundant Redundancy Department.

Texas Tech just scored.

Has anyone seen the Ozzie Osbourne World of Warcraft ad?

"SHARONNNNNNN! The fucking dogs took a shit on the fucking Oriental carpets!"

Nessler: "They say Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas".

Is AA going to tell us who won LAST WEEK'S Pammies? We never got an entry with those winners.

And if Oregon State wins, utah could get screwed...

Rob Stone: "My performer of the week is "my disgestive system"".


Nessler: My performer of the week is "Brooke Burke".

Griese: "Jenkins, a true freshman, is seeing his first action of the year. He's made 10 starts". Dead silence from Maguire and Nessler as that sinks in...

Nessler, as the FSU QB eludes the UF rush: "Ponder better not ponder much longer".

Not punny, Brad.

Baylor leading Texas Tech 21-14 at the half. Judging by the first half call, Ron Thulin may stroke out if the second half is as exciting.

BTW, Mizzou will burn those gold jerseys because they lost.

After Florida started to run it up on the Noles: "Oh, my goodness."

-The Inaneness That Is Verne Lundquist (TITIVL).

Ward and Bentley were stating that play blown dead should be reviewed because the ball came loose. Can a non-call on a fumble be reviewed if the play is blown dead by the ref?

Bentley, after Billy Flutie throws a TD pass on a fake FG: "24 years later we still have some Flutie Magic".

Carter Blackburn on CBS College Sports after Rice scored another touchdown and nmow sees Houston (as TRTIMP would point out) "providing the butt in a butt whooping":

"How high can Rice count?"

I know it's been done before but:

"Touchdown Texas Tech Griffin, Touchdown Baylor Griffin"- Ron Thulin, master of the team idenitfication.

I guess s2n doesnt get versus....

"Playoffs?"

-Kelly Stouffer channeling his inner Jim Mora Sr. during Baylor/Texas Tech on Versus.

Sucks, doesn't it, S2N?

I didn't realize it was on Versus, guys.

I have Versus but I don't actually count it as television. It's like the AV club running a TV network.

How dare you insult an AV club like that, I know AV clubs that can run that crap better.

Nessler, on Weatherford: "This isn't his first goat race".

Stay classy, JamesCraven.

I know of local cable access stations that are run better than quite a few AV clubs.

Kelly Stouffer: "I think their pager sensitivity needs to go up".

These guys on VS calling the Texas Tech-Baylor game are some of the worst I've ever heard. Just generally clueless about the rules and what is going on.

Baylor had a pick and a fumble recovery called back on that drive because of stupid penalties. How did Texas lose to this team?

Tech TD again.

Now no matter what happens, we have another BCS controversy for the third straight year.

"The two highest-ranked [Big 12 South] teams in the BCS will go to Kansas City and play Missouri in the championship game." -- Ron Thulin

Man, sounds like Missouri's screwed!

TAS, if Mizzou wins, then who gets screwed? If Oregon State wins, Southern California gets screwed.

USC is screwed in terms of the Rose, but they'll probably get a Fiesta bowl berth anyway.

The team who would really get the screwing of no BCS money with an Oregon State Civil war win is Ohio State, or maybe Boise State (but I doubt the clout of a Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl would outshine OSU' drawing power)

Ron Thulin's quote was not that good. You should have heard Eric Collins and Norrie doing the SC game today.

They were so biased toward Clemson, it wasn't even funny. That "jugular" comment was just the tip of the iceberg. No wonder we got the fifth-string team.

Haha, I was just saying that Thulin made it sound like Missouri had to play the top two teams in the Big 12 South next week.

Mark Jones: "Tennessee's defense for much of the year has been intransigent". Intransigent? Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls.

Mal channeling the spirit of Dan Rowan with that last comment, hermetically sealed on a mayonaise jar on Funk and Wagnall's porch since noon today.

I cant stop stroking myself.

Just a shameless plug, but live blog at my website for Jaguars/Texans on Monday!!!


We thought 49ers/Cardinals will suck, so don't count this one out!

Stay classy, stay classy.

Tim Neveritt channeling Biff Barnes: "This game on versus is brought to you in High Definitio by Poiner."
Glenn Parker: "I look good in high definition."
Neveritt: "Especially off camera."

Davies: "These two teams (KY and UT) could play for four straight days and not score 102 points like they did last year".

@ssr: what is your website?

Or...in English: "this game on Versus is brought to you in high definition by Pioneer."

Anyone here thinking that the Tournament of Roses is rooting for Southern Cal to win the Pac-10 title?

This announcer from the ORE/OSU game sounds like he is on drugs.

@ Mal....

http://ssreporters.wordpress.com



According to Versus, the Civil War is a famous RIVALY.


What a terrible network for football.

A woman is holding a sign that reads "These Beavers smell like Roses."


Hilarious.

You might say this Civil War is Joel McHale's favorite rivalry.

Zzzzzzz...Ducks and Beavers!

Tim Neverett sounds awful.....he drives me insane.

Another plug for my site, but I'm pitting the best seasons for all of the expansion teams the NFL has had (the Browns revival does not count), and simulate the season on Whatifsports.


For example, the 2000 Ravens would face the 2002 Buccaneers. The 2005 Seahawks would play the 2007 Texans, and so on.


The teams are the 1999 Jaguars, the 2003 Panthers, 2002 Bucs, 2007 Texans, 2005 Seahawks, and the 2000 Ravens.


Anyone want to make a wager? ;-)


Here's what I'm using and here's an example result.


http://www.whatifsports.com/NFL/boxscore.asp?GameID=808863&nomenu=1&teamfee=-1&theme=-1

@JamesCraven 8:07: ZZZ. Stay classy.

doesn't look like we're going to eclipse the 600-plus comments from last week. I want Texas to win the Big XII because Bommer Sooner is such an annoying song.

MY DAD FUCKED ALL OF YOUR MOTHERS!!!

Davies: "Whoever wants it the most is going to win this game". Could he just add, "if at first you don't suceed, try try again" to hit the cliche' exacta?

Fulmer is happy now, 14-3 TEN over UK.

Davies: "I don't want to use the word 'loaf' but the cornerback let the WR run right by him".

Jones: "You can use 'loaf' if it fits".

ease up on the f-bombs, people.

@ Anon 8:23.....so one of us has a(nother) sibling?

"Monday night is spaghetti night at my house." - Bob Davie

All together now:

Stay classy, anon 8:23 PM!

Anyone keeping an eye out for comments by TRTIMP (The Randomness That Is Mike Patrick)?

"I miss the nightclubs where you didn't need to bring a gun." - Mike Patrick on the Burress incident

And USC is going to the Rose Bowl now. It's 30-10 Oregon.


I hate life.

Whoa, hold on SSR...

If Oregon wins and USC loses, the Ducks are Pasadena bound. There's still the matter of Southern California-UCLA next week, and two years ago, UCLA beat the Men of Troy spoiling a National Championship game appearance.

And besides, a Penn State-Southern California game is better for TV than a Penn State-Oregon or Penn State-Oregon State rematch game.

now 37-10. It's going to be USC-Penn State in what should be a good rose bowl.

Paulie, did you read my 8:44 PM post?

PICK 6!!!! USC WINS THE PAC-10, it's 37-10!!!




Crap.

That's not completely far-fetched. They do have a tendancy of sleepwalking against some of these teams they are expected to roll.

@ James, it's USC, they always find a way to get in the Rose Bowl. They will not lose to UCLA.....and if they do then I'll be jumping for joy.

Southern California just scored and so did Oregon State.

Not so fast my friend - Beavers score!

... and right after I type that the Men of Troy pick off ND and run 55 yards for a TD. This may get ugly for the Domers and Weis.

Brent Musburger: "Look what we found here. Oklahoma held to seven points in the first quarter [against Oklahoma State]."

He's already in mid drink form.

Mike Patrick is confused by the Aflac trivia question. My guess is ND and USC are two of the five.

TRTIMP confused?

Noooooooo!

"In the upper right folks that is Boone T. Pickens." - Brent Musberger.....I think it's T. Boone Pickens, FAIL!

Any pantyless song girls on the Trojans sideline?

I was right about the Aflac trivia question. The other three are UCLA, Michigan State and Washington.

TD OK ST!

"boone t pickens"

how much booze have you had brent?

James, they'll drop their panties tonight when they come over to my place.

Like I said, SSR, Captain Three-Sheets-To-The-Wind is in mid-drink form tonight.

...another USC touch down. Fight on!

Brent's favorite author: Scott F. Fitzgerald.

Brent's hero: Edgar J. Hoover.

The Musburger jokes write themselves. His favorite wrestler was Brian B. Blair.

Favorite actor to pretend to be a black guy in a bad movie: Thomas C. Howell.

Here's what we know about next week:

College GameDay likely will be doubling up, with Chris, Kirk and Corso in KC for the Big 12 title game and in the ATL with Reece, Mark and Dr. Lou for Alabama-Florida, leaving Wendy Nix and jesse palmer in the main studio. And where Herbie is, Captain Three-Sheets-To-The-Wind won't be that far behind at Arrowhead.

Also, Brad Nessler said that he, Bob Griese, Paul Maguire and (let's all hope) Stacy Dales will be at The New RayJay Sombrero for BC-Virginia Tech. And in a tradtiton as old as time, expect Verne and Crazy Uncle Gary will call the SEC Title Game, while Ian Eagle and Boomer Esaison will be here in Philadelphia for Army-Navy. The Matron Saint of Pammy Chronicles will work Friday Night at Ford Field for Buffalo-Ball State.

Did Captain-Three-Sheets-To-the-Wind say Beyonce's name properly?

His other favorite oilman was Paul J. Getty.

Musberger still not a fan of Beonce.

At the risk of making what may be a blasphemous statement, Erin Andrews looks quite plain and un-hot today.

Still 37-17 Oregon.

I thought it was a fumble for a td, but that probably won't happen.

And we have a play under review...

Mike Reilly, your thoughts...

we have a review to see if the play is review-able. Good gosh, the Pac-10 officials are again horrible.

And it looks like Tennessee will win against Kentucky in Fullmer's farewell...

Musburger: "I listened to your gal Beyonce."
Herbstreit: "What'd you think?"
Musburger: "I went right back to Willy Nelson so fast it was unbelievable. But I'll say one thing; she is attractive...oh baby."

Musburger...what a creep.

And he is now referring to the quarterbacks solely by their first names, Zac and Sam.

He's in rare form.

Touchdown OSU.....what a game!

TD Beavers... this game isn't over.

"What are your emotions right now?" - Erin Andrews to Phil Fulmer who is trying to avoid crying


That's why I hate sideline reporters.

There is no 6 inch line, Musberger and other announcers.

Vols win one for Fulmer. Erin A. got to pray with the players and coaches after the game, too. Classic.

Now anon 9:35 PM, that's why we call him Captain-Three-Sheets-To-The-Wind.

Another TD......and scene in Corvallis!

Now Page Two.