Create The Caption #312

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

(Usually) Everyday I'll throw out a photo, you provide the caption, and then hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Yesterday's Winners....

"Hey wait a minute! I'm a very versatile actor. I was a cop in The Longest Yard remake. In Chuck & Larry I was a cop and in The House Bunny I was a ....WTF where is my agent?"- Jeremy

"BD: 5' 9". 120.
DP: Ding!"
- Mal

"DP: "So how did you and Andy first meet?"
BD: "After his 6th consecutive 2nd round grand slam loss I asked him if he wanted to go shopping first and then have sex. He got so excited when we got to the GAP that we spent 4 hours trying everything on and forgot about the rest of the evening."
- Yanksfan12

"Hook a few electrodes up to Keith Olbermann, grab some cards with a couple of wavy lines, and you've got yourself the beginning of Ghostbusters here."- Anon

"DP: "Remember that time you were in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition?
BD: "Yes, what about it?"
DP: "Yeah....that was awesome"
- Michael

And your winner of a copy of EA's NCAA '09 is (drumroll)........

"C'mon Brooklyn, they're not even all that funny. Most of these AA caption contest winners are just recycled Saved by the Bell quotes anyway."- Lammy742

We had almost 100 entries, and almost all of them were hilarious. Lammy decided to tap into my self-deprecating side, and came out victorious. Don't fret though my commenting still have four more chances! Scroll down for shot #2!!!

Okay folks it's time! We're raising the stakes, and for this week and this week only, you will be playing for a copy of EA Sports' NCAA 2009. The rules are have to submit your caption with a registered blogger profile, have an email address linked within said profile, and you have to be funnier than everyone else (sorry Anons, you won't win if you don't register). If all of the above holds true, I'll get your information, and EA will send you the game on either PS3 or XBOX in the next week or so. It's that easy!

NCAA Basketball '09 (EA Sports)

Are you funny enough to create a caption for this photo of Magic Johnson at a release for his new book "32 Ways to be a Champion in Business" at the NBA Store in New York City?


"...and the #1 way to be a champion in business, pretend you have HIV so people feel bad for you and give you lots of money."

Screwtuss said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:17:00 PM  

"Don't do men."

frank_gore49 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:19:00 PM  

Magic should release a book entitled: "32 Ways to ruin a talk show."

49er16 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:21:00 PM  

"And Tip #1 is, don't listen to Isiaih Thomas"

sigafoos said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:26:00 PM  

***SIGH*** Yes I know what MAGIC stands for...My Ass Got Infected Coach. Does anybody else have anymore questions? No? Ok good I'm outta here.

BTW AA do you want all of us to go to hell with this pic? Throw up another softball next time.

Jeremy said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:27:00 PM  

Not Pictured:

Isiah Thomas and his new book "11 (+ infinity) Ways to Bankrupt a League, Destroy a Storied Franchise, Blame Your Daughter for your Attempted Suicide and Still Have Your Dignity."

yanksfan12 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:27:00 PM  

"Did you ever know that you're my heee-rooooo?"

No particular relevance to Magic, just what it looked he was saying.

skygoblue said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:29:00 PM  

Come on guys, my book is about being a champion in business, not as a coach. Does anyone have a question about my book? Anyone?

Nov 18, 2008, 1:31:00 PM  

Yes, I actually had 33 of em, and 33 was the best, but that was Larry Bird's number and I didn't want to use his number, I wanted to use mine.

hollywood wags said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:32:00 PM  

"With this new writing ability that I have attained..."

rhett said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:34:00 PM  

And, most importantly, #32...Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

Joe H said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:34:00 PM  

"...and I'll throw in reason #33 for FREE: stylish ties. You hear that, Donovan? Make 'em stylish."

Andy said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:35:00 PM  

"Words are like bullets, And I let 'em pass right through me."

colinc77 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:37:00 PM  

Craig Shoemaker? Why are you working the register at this store??

Jeremiah said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:38:00 PM  

1. 3TC, 2. Abacavir, 3. Amprenavir, 4. Atazanavir, 5. Atripla, 6. AZT,...,31. Trizivir, 32. Truvada

Anonymous said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:38:00 PM  

"Damn, why couldn't coach have given me #5 for my uniform?"

BF said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:41:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
yanksfan12 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:41:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
JFein said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:42:00 PM  

Audience Member: "Um, Mr. Johnson, I'm not much of a reader, I was wondering if there would be an audio book, and could you condense to an hour?"
Magic: "Yes, there will be a one hour audio book, the title is still in the works."
Audience Member: "How about calling it the Magic Hour?"
Magic: "The Magic Hour, what a great name. Hmm, I remember a talk show called that?"
Audience Member: "Yes, you were in it, it is a shame that Sheila E was the show's downfall."
Magic: "Aww, damn, I remember. That was gonna be number 33."

The Commish said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:42:00 PM  

So MJ bet Charles, Oak, and me $200,000 that we couldn't write a book. Charles was too busy living in 1993, we haven't seen Oak in about 2 years since the All Star game in Vegas, and I haven't had anything to do in about a decade, so we gots to make Jordan pay up.

yanksfan12 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:42:00 PM  

"You stay classy, New York. I'm Magic Johnson?"

J Dot said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:45:00 PM  

Where overpriced memorabilia and over-payed authors come together...the NBA Store, it's faaaaaaaaantastic!

Mez said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:45:00 PM  

Step 1: Play basketball, start chain of movie theaters, fail as talk show host
Step 2: ?
Step 3: 32 Ways To Be A Champion in Business

GMoney said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:45:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
JFein said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:49:00 PM  

"...and yes, Larry Bird is, was and always will be my bitch on the court."

JamesCraven said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:57:00 PM  

#32 Wear a striped tie. Damn, I'm out of ideas. I wish I wore #4 instead.

Anonymous said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:57:00 PM  

Magic: Yes I know Charles Barkley said this book was Turrible...

Mark Mc said...
Nov 18, 2008, 1:59:00 PM  

Just missing the cut at #33, starting your own talk show...

SeabassP said...
Nov 18, 2008, 2:01:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nov 18, 2008, 2:02:00 PM  

Magic: These are my 32 ways to be a champion in business and behind this curtain are the 32 women that might have given me HIV.

Audience Member: Oh no he didn't

Ben Chew AKA BC said...
Nov 18, 2008, 2:02:00 PM  

since lammy called it out so well.

"I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...scared"

followed by the benny hill music and david stern pulling magic off stage with a 10 foot hook from stage left.

mike said...
Nov 18, 2008, 2:04:00 PM  

"Way #1... play for Michigan State.

Way #2... play for the Lakers.

Way #3... play for the Olympic team.

Way #4... keep playing for the Lakers..."

N--k G-----n said...
Nov 18, 2008, 2:16:00 PM  

Magic: "No. I don't know what bridge Sheila E. is living under. I just know she ain't living 'The Glamorous Life' now."

Nov 18, 2008, 2:17:00 PM  

Magic: 32 ways, that's one for every day of the week. Or is it month? Aww man, someone was su'sposed to write this down for me.

mtjaws said...
Nov 18, 2008, 2:19:00 PM  

"The following paid advertisement in no way reflects the views of this station."

And now.... ladies and gentlemen... it's time for everyone's favorite late night talk show... The Magic Hour!!!

"Friends, I'd like to talk to you about something serious. I have found a new way to clean up your spills, and it is amazing. Welcome to the Magic Hour of Soaking up Spills with the SHAMWOW!!!"

dsnice27 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 2:20:00 PM  

You do know that I am Magic "F'ing" Johnson right.

Ian said...
Nov 18, 2008, 2:27:00 PM  

Uh, Magic, what if people think a guy's a hero, but he was really just lucky?

Don't worry. Sooner or later, people like that are exposed as the frauds they are.

Nov 18, 2008, 2:38:00 PM  

Looks like Magic thought twice about the book's working title, "If I Took Advantage of Business Oppurtunities Simply Because My Business Rivals Felt Sorry for Me Due to the Fact that They Were Under the Impression that I Was Living with the HIV Virus, Here's How It Happened."

Rich said...
Nov 18, 2008, 2:40:00 PM  

U is Unce! Tice! Fee tines a mady...and I wub u....

MD1 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 2:46:00 PM  

"No - I don't know why Karl Malone won't touch my book..."

Steve said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:00:00 PM  

Magic:...but the most memorable thing in my career was introducing "Howard Stern and the Losers" on my show

Richard said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:06:00 PM  

The new book also comes with a free copy of the new instructional video "Magics Touch:how to avoid AIDS" hell even the book comes with an auio version with the background from ESPN'S countdown show.
"Few athletes are truly unique, changing the way their sport is played with their singular skills"
SO stick to to one skill Magic

BMore3 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:11:00 PM  

... yes sir he did, David Stern did have final editing power... He added the words for all 32 of my drawings.

john said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:14:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Darren said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:14:00 PM  

And I did NOT have sexual relations with that girl... there would be evidence.

foos said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:14:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Darren said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:15:00 PM  

"Where I got this tie is none of your business"

Andrew said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:17:00 PM  

The book would have been titled "The Gospel of Magic" so you would have my "Ask not what your teammates can do for you. Ask what you can do for your teammates" quote as the subtitle, but A.C. Green told me sinners don't write gospels.

Darren said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:17:00 PM  

"Yes Jim, this was my second choice of a business venture... The Trojan campaign fell through due to undisclosed reasons."

john said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:18:00 PM  

Rule 17: My couch pulls out, but I don't

john said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:20:00 PM  

Magic: "Fortunately for me, my AIDS and tie appeal very strongly to the gay community, so I'm able to get a lot of business there."

Max said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:22:00 PM  

Thank God Gretzky already had #99. Whew.

Bob Mantz said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:30:00 PM  

"Numba fo'. I know you this one befo'. Never get high off your own supply."

Birdman said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:30:00 PM  

"Hello. Are you a female high school dropout between the age of 16 and 25? Are you tied of doors being slammed in your face when you apply for a job? In 6 short weeks I can train you to be a high-paying ho. It's a known fact that a high-paying ho can make up to 1500 dollar a week. Sound too good to be true? Just send for my new book, titled "I Wanna be a Ho" "

sideshowPA said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:32:00 PM  

Which leads me to my next point: there is ALWAYS money in the Banana Stand

Sam said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:33:00 PM  

Tip #27: Don't engage in insider trading for

RH said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:35:00 PM  

Rule #1 - Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.

RH said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:35:00 PM  

Obviously one of the 32 ways is to accept all free meals offered by other businessmen.

Dixon Leavitt said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:37:00 PM  

"And in conclusion, money cures everything.... even AIDS"

Anonymous said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:42:00 PM  

..and tip #32 is: You have to get yourself a "Magic Johnson".

Mickerd said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:45:00 PM  

Saaaved byyyy Maaa-gic, Saaaved byyy Maaa-gic...

Nick said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:51:00 PM  

"Who wants to see my magic johnson?!?"

Ted said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:56:00 PM  

Well, obviously you start with a successful NBA career and then apply these 32 simple steps...why is that so hard for you people to understand?

Nick said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:56:00 PM  

You see business is like a hooker...a nasty hooker who's infected with cooties and lets you do anything to her for the right price...

Nick said...
Nov 18, 2008, 3:59:00 PM  

Readers were dissappointed to discover that the tip involving curing HIV was simply listed as "magic baby".

Ghost. said...
Nov 18, 2008, 4:16:00 PM  

#17 - Fake AIDS.

Winks said...
Nov 18, 2008, 4:23:00 PM  

And tonight on the Magic Hour, we have Mark Cuban on the Secrets and Strategy of Stock Trading

Simon said...
Nov 18, 2008, 4:27:00 PM  

Magic Johnson realizes that Q&A was an especially bad idea after the first 3 questions are about The Magic Hour.

Dan said...
Nov 18, 2008, 4:34:00 PM  

Incidentally, 32 is the number of episodes of the "Magic Hour" before it was canceled.

Michael said...
Nov 18, 2008, 4:46:00 PM  

Has Tommy Davidson been hiding in Magic's stomach since they canceled the "Magic Hour"? (That question would make perfect sense if anyone actually watched the magic hour, you see he was Magic's "sidekick".)

Michael said...
Nov 18, 2008, 4:49:00 PM  

Magic: "You know, enough about the talk show. I don't want to talk about the past. This is a book that's going to help you be a champion in business... uh, did I mention I have HIV?"

Rob in WI said...
Nov 18, 2008, 4:54:00 PM  

Just missed the cut:
#33- Host a late night television show that sets back black entertainers another 15 years.

#34- Wake up one day, decide you want to coach the Lakers, get bored and quit.

#35- Make a comeback as a 300 pound point/forward who gets suspended for throwing an offical against a scorers table.

Adam said...
Nov 18, 2008, 4:55:00 PM  

Magic "No. Bill Walton did not take my book and write in it with crayon. He prefers pastels because he can draw pretty pictures."

Tim said...
Nov 18, 2008, 5:09:00 PM  

Excerpt from "32 Ways to be a Champion in Business"

# 13 - VELCRO SHOES - "Think of all the time you will save not having to tie your shoes everyday. 10 minutes? 30? Wrong it has been scientifically proven that Magic gets 2 extra hours of productivity by not having to tie and re-tie his shoes all day everyday. Now trade in your wingtips for some Velcro New Balances and get back to work you laceless champion."

Michael said...
Nov 18, 2008, 5:11:00 PM  

Step #1 Hire Lenny Dykstra

Step #2 Hire a translator

yanksfan12 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 5:13:00 PM  

You can triple your stock portfolio in just 3 short weeks with the tips that I got. Thanks Mark Cuban!

yanksfan12 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 5:15:00 PM  

"No, I don't really do magic. It's just a nickname. No, I'm not going submerge myself underwater, what kind of an ass-clown does that?"

Mr. Malpractice said...
Nov 18, 2008, 5:23:00 PM  


yanksfan12 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 5:39:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
walnuts said...
Nov 18, 2008, 5:54:00 PM  

Rule #32: Don't associate with this guy named Mark Cuban.

Doug Baxter said...
Nov 18, 2008, 5:55:00 PM  

"One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones... "

Edward said...
Nov 18, 2008, 6:10:00 PM  

So, in conclusion, you too can beat this horrible disease. All you need to do is have hope... And an ungodly amount of Money.

Jeff Collier said...
Nov 18, 2008, 6:11:00 PM  

"..and in no time, you too can go from having unprotected orgies with hookers to owning movie theaters in the ghetto. Yes, its that easy!"

Scott said...
Nov 18, 2008, 6:11:00 PM  

Not to be confused with: 32 Ways to Destroy a Business, by Isiah Thomas

Anonymous said...
Nov 18, 2008, 6:18:00 PM  

Magic: "Thanks for the questions, now please stick around for a Q-and-A with A.C. Green about his new book: '32 Ways to Spend a Saturday Night Without Doing the Business'"

RoscoBosco said...
Nov 18, 2008, 6:43:00 PM  

MJ: ...Way #31: Election day is just around the corner. Be sure to get out and vote.
Way #32: Don't Hassle the Hoff.

Adam said...
Nov 18, 2008, 6:45:00 PM  

On the basketball court, I was the king of assists. And now I want to assist making money! It used to be my job to feed A.C. Green, and now it's my job to feed you that green! Why spend all your time dropping dimes, when you could be making dimes! Please, let 32, help you!

Anonymous said...
Nov 18, 2008, 7:01:00 PM  

Look for my next book, 32 ways I am trying desperately to be as popular as Charles Barkley. Available soon.

GoCougars! said...
Nov 18, 2008, 7:17:00 PM  

The first rule to being a champion in business is you do not talk about being a champion in in business. The second rule to being a champion in business is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT BEING A CHAMPION IN BUSINESS!

Michael said...
Nov 18, 2008, 7:23:00 PM  

Way #31: Start your own talk show.
Way #32: Hire Sheila E to play the drums on said talk show.

And there folks, is how you become a champion in business.

Master Stein said...
Nov 18, 2008, 8:11:00 PM  

Sing with me:

We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

Anonymous said...
Nov 18, 2008, 8:14:00 PM  

Tip 1: No excuses, play like a champion

Tip 16: Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.

Tip 32: I'm rich, bitch!

Tony said...
Nov 18, 2008, 8:24:00 PM  

Alas, you know the economy is in the tanks when people are so desperate for business advice that they turn to Magic Johnson.

JFein said...
Nov 18, 2008, 8:32:00 PM  

The local Barnes and Noble decided not to allow Johnson to do a book signing so he went to lecture the NBA fans at the NBA Store on how to win a business in just 32 points

InterPlace55 said...
Nov 18, 2008, 8:47:00 PM  

I can't even make a joke. Its 17 g-Damn years later, and Magic Johnson looks just as healthy as ever. How many AIDS does he have?

James and Jamie said...
Nov 18, 2008, 9:00:00 PM  

Magic Johnson announces he is replacing Reggie Theis as the new coach on "Hang Time", only to be told the show was cancelled nearly 10 years ago.

walnuts said...
Nov 18, 2008, 9:21:00 PM  

Local Reporter: Magic, Could there be anything worse in life than working with Stu Scott, Jon Barry, and Mike Wilbon on a daily basis?

Magic: (Thinking...)(Thinking...)(Chuckles and Answers...) Well actually no sir, I cannot think of anything at this moment.

Nov 18, 2008, 9:24:00 PM  

"If it McComes from where I McThink it does, I don't wanna McEat it!"

Chubs said...
Nov 18, 2008, 9:30:00 PM  

yes, i do know what you are thinking. I will be on espnews to promote my book, and join the cast of Sunday NFL Countdown for continued insight

jeremy said...
Nov 18, 2008, 9:33:00 PM  

"Seriously guys, an injection of concentrated cash cures HIV. Oh, you guy's aren't that rich?" (quietly steps back hoping nobody notices).

alex said...
Nov 18, 2008, 10:20:00 PM  

Wait a minute. Reggie Theus was a coach on Hang Time? Damn, that's how he got the Kings' job!

JamesCraven said...
Nov 18, 2008, 10:34:00 PM  

You really wanna know? Well the real story is that I had unprotected sex. That's that. That's easy.

Fidel said...
Nov 18, 2008, 10:40:00 PM  

Yes, the subtitle is "It all starts with a kiss from Isiah!"

Mike A said...
Nov 18, 2008, 11:09:00 PM  

2-32 is dont hire Isaiah to do anything.

I'm not even gonna tell you what 1 is.

Zoltan said...
Nov 18, 2008, 11:13:00 PM  

"I'm Magic Johnson and I approved this message."

JamesCraven said...
Nov 18, 2008, 11:28:00 PM  

"So what's the deal with airplane peanuts?"

Michael said...
Nov 18, 2008, 11:31:00 PM  

Phase 1: Get AIDS
Phase 2 : ????
Phase 3: Profit!

Frigidevil said...
Nov 18, 2008, 11:56:00 PM  

Hey, frigiddevil, that joke's been played out at 1:45 PM by gmoney.

JamesCraven said...
Nov 18, 2008, 11:59:00 PM  

I'm not just sure, I'm HIV Positive.

timladd04 said...
Nov 19, 2008, 12:34:00 AM  

"I have called this conference to inform the public... that I WILL be accepting the nomination to Obama's Cabinet as his Minister of AIDS prevention... Questions? .... What do you mean he was just joking?"

Charoky said...
Nov 19, 2008, 1:04:00 AM  

Crap, you're right jamescraven,my bad gmoney.

Ok, I want everyone to listen, cuz I'm only gonna say this once.Condoms...feel...wierd!

Frigidevil said...
Nov 19, 2008, 1:34:00 AM  

And Tip #1... if your gonna screw a hooker make sure you've got the bank to pay for the HIV meds.

BD said...
Nov 19, 2008, 5:11:00 AM  

"And now I'll turn things over to our other guest speaker, "The Mailman" Karl Malone...yes Karl, we have a different microphone you can use."

Mr. Blonde said...
Nov 19, 2008, 6:34:00 AM  

Here is one of the 5% who voted for McCain

Anonymous said...
Nov 19, 2008, 8:29:00 AM  

Next question comes from Mr. Mike Rotchburns. Mike are you still here? Does anyone know Mike Rotchburns? Come Mike here?

Blackhawk said...
Nov 19, 2008, 11:16:00 AM  

Magic's Inner Monologue: Okay, okay, calm down. Just picture the audience naked. That's what they say, right? Darn, not working. What if I picture them in tiny green basketball shorts, a pair of converse and a cheesy blond mustache. Ah yeah, a room full of Larry's. Much better.

Kirk said...
Nov 19, 2008, 11:20:00 AM  

Ladies and gentlemen, a man that makes as much sense as his former flame Paula Abdul, let's give it up for Earvin "Magic" Johnson!!

MMayes said...
Nov 19, 2008, 1:10:00 PM  

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