It's not a live-blog of a Bears game without a photo of Kyle Orton out on the town, really. Blog law, y'know.

Al just referred to the "friendly confines of Soldier Field" when referring to the rest of the Bears' schedule. NO. MAKE IT STOP.

The Vikings are wearing the old purple uniforms without all that silly piping and sheen. Why not go back to those, Minnesota? Peterson is smashed at the line by the Bears on 2nd down. 3rd down pass is incomplete, looked like it was going to Shancoe and Urlacher was covering him. Kluwe to punt to Hester, it bounces, and the Vikings down it inside the 1.

Brad Childress, the fierce urgency of now really would dictate having a better quarterback than Gus Frerotte. I would have to vote for Childress as the NFC's Peter Principle Coach. (The AFC's? Norv Turner, of course!)

Robbie Gould will kick off and it goes all the way into the end zone for a touchback. Frerotte completes his first pass to Bernard Berrian across the 30 for a first down right off the bat. Adrian Peterson busts through to the 38 on his first carry. Swing pass on 2nd to Jeff Dugan for another first down. 2nd and 11 is another Peterson run up the middle, and Frerotte's going to have to throw again for a first....and Alex Brown sacks him on 3rd down.

"Brad Childress says that he's a violent runner." - John Madden (via JFein), on Adrian Peterson

Chicago will start at its own 20 thanks to a punt trickling into the end zone.

Orton throws two passes out of the gun to start, both are incomplete to Des Clark and Greg Olsen, respectively. 3rd and 10. Orton's sacked, but it's due to an offsides on Minny. So, now we get 3rd and 5 thanks to the most penalized team in the league. Doesn't matter though, as Orton's 3rd down pass is tipped and nearly picked off. Brad Maynard punts to Berrian, who gets knocked back on the return 3 yards.

Peterson gets a couple, up at the 32. He gets the carry on 2nd down for 2 more. Tommie Harris comes in and smothers Frerotte on 3rd down. Chris Kluwe punts to Devin Hester, fair catch. No one said it was going to be a pretty game offensively, but this is not a good sign.

I am glad to see Brandon Lloyd dropping passes for a team other than the Niners. - 49er16

Redskins fans would also like to affirm that statement.

"You can choose your own cameras; channel your inner Drew Esocoff." - Al Michaels on being able to go to nbc.com and watch the games by choosing your own cameras, etc. (via JFein)

Matt Forte finally gets his first carry for 3 yards. Oh, sheeeit.....Orton to Hester and two dudes completely missed him. Hester makes like EPMD and is housin'. TOUCHDOWN, BEARS!

Gould's XP is good, 7-0, da Bears.

Earl Bennett wails on the Minny kickoff returner at the 16.

"Hester made him look like he'd never played before." - John, on safety Darren Sharper.

Peterson only gets a yard or two on the carry on first down. Frerotte fires a rocket to Visanthe Shincoe for 20 yards at the 38. Next pass is incomplete to Bobby Wade past midfield. Peterson gets stuffed again, the third down pass is incomplete. Vikes punt and down it inside the Bears' 1, but Lovie Smith is challenging, saying the Viking player was in the end zone when he touched the ball.

Smith wins the challenge, and Matt Forte busts out for 18 to the 38 yard line after the Bears start at the 20. False start flagged, then the next pass to Hester is incomplete. Screen to Hester on 2nd and 15 gets nothing. Brandon Lloyd hauls in the 3rd and 15 on the sidelines, and the Bears are in Vikings territory.

1st and 10 on the 43, and Forte gets nailed in the backfield. Another 2nd and long coming up. Orton overthrows Hester on the sideline. Another pass to Hester on 3rd down, and he can't bring it in. Maynard will be punting again after a good defensive play by Winfield at defensive back. The Bears down it at about the 4 yard line.

That is why Adrian Peterson is Purple Jesus: he dragged six or seven Bears with him for 10 yards and a first down on that carry. But then, Mike Brown gets him in the backfield on the next play. 2nd and 12 is over Berrian's head. Screen to Chester Taylor gets up to the 20, but it's still short. Kluwe's punt is caught by Hester, but he can't get anywhere before being tackled.

"His family still lives in St. Louis. So that's a problem. But he loves the paycheck." - John on Frerotte
"Don't we all these days, with this economy!" - Al, laughing

Forte gets two yards on the first carry, as Andrea talks about the StarCaps deal with Kevin and Pat Williams as the first quarter ends. It does sound like a raw deal -- I mean, there's a banned substance, but the NFL didn't tell the Players' Association about it?

Mike Brown, jubilant for actually making a play for the first time since 2001, proceeds to tear his ACL and MCL and is out for the season. - SSReporters

Ha. Jared Allen savages Orton like a bouncer throwing a drunk out after he's been 86ed from the bar on 3rd down. Berrian fair catches Maynard's punt at the Vikings' 35.

Holy crap, AP is good. He bounced off the end for what seemed like 4 yards, and then got sprung down the sideline, Charles Tillman saved a touchdown (for now) by tackling him at the Bears' 5 yard line. Frerotte is nearly picked on 2nd and goal, as it's tipped and almost retrieved by Urlacher. 3rd down is going to Bobby Wade, and it's incomplete -- and Frerotte is on the ground, hurt.

Al: "Gus Frerotte - the modern day 'Suitcase Simpson'". Whatever the heck that means. - Mal

Well, the Bears handle luggage kind of rough, even if you put "Fragile" stickers on it. Ryan Longwell's FG attempt is up and good, 7-3, Bears.

Generally, I'm of the opinion that too many late hits on QBs in the pros and college are overreactions over split seconds, but Adewale Ogunleye is going to be hearing from Lord Rog on that later this week -- in the form of a fine -- for that one on Frerotte that didn't get called.

Danyel Manning takes the kickoff and gets all the way to the Bears' 47 for great field position. 3rd and 2 is caught by Rashied Davis, but he might be short, and there's a flag, too. Illegal formation and that actually cancels the first down.

"It's the first cousin to a false start." - Al, on illegal formation. Forte gets six of the seven needed for a first down, and the Bears will punt on 4th and 1. Maynard's kick rolls out of bounds at the Minny 4.

Finally, a Prince bump! "I Would Die 4 U." Nice choice. Now, NBC, give us some Husker Du and Lifter Puller. Maybe some Replacements while you're at it. Peterson gets knocked for a couple for a loss on the first down carry. More stops, and Chester Taylor only gets up to the 7 on third down. Kluwe will punt again. Hester takes the return out of bounds at the Minny 46.

And we get the Heidi Klum Guitar Hero ad. Frankly, I'm disappointed that they didn't use the director's cut version:



So the Bears' direct-snap is "Cajun" if it's Matt Forte back there and "Cane" if Devin Hester is back. 3rd and long has Orton sacked, but another offsides penalty. 3rd and 4 gets stuffed by one of the Williams linemen. Flag in the secondary -- personal foul on the Vikes, and a 1st down for the Bears. Nice cheap shot, Benny Sapp.

And Forte makes 'em pay by getting around the corner and running all the way to the Vikes' 4 yard line. 1st and goal. Orton throws it out of the end zone since everyone's covered.

"Benny Sapp, feeling like one now." Al, after that awful penalty he committed (via Yet Another Idiot With a Music Blog)

Forte is stuffed on 2nd down just shy of the goal line. Fullback Jason Davis tries to ram it in on 3rd and goal and he's stopped too. Bears are going for it, and Jared Allen comes up to make the stop! Turnover on downs, and Benny Sapp just got bailed out big time.

Lovie Smith and Ron Turner need to have their heads examined for not even bothering to change the play call. How about some play action, guys? Frerotte hits Bernard Berrian, and he's going 99 yards for the score. TOUCHDOWN, VIKINGS!

"Frerotte bounced back rather quickly, didn't he?" - John
"I'll say!" - Al

Longwell's kick is up and good, 10-7, Vikings.

Forte is out to about the 38 after a carry and picks up the first down on the next play.

"Unless they come with 50,000 dollars, they're not getting a date." - John, quoting Pat Williams' stance on boys wanting to date his daughters.

The Mortal Adrian Peterson gets a carry for the Bears for a few yards to set up a 3rd and 5. That has to suck, sharing a name with a superstar. You almost feel like you have to change it, even though you've been in the league longer. Mortal Adrian Peterson drops the pass for the Bears. Maynard punts and it goes out of bounds at the 14.

Purple Jesus gets a yard on the carry. They're driving and have two timeouts at the two minute warning, looking to tack on three or seven more.

PJ gets 16 more and is up to the 41 now. Bobby Wade catches a pass from Frerotte and brings it up to the Chicago 44. Berrian gets tackled after a short pass, and there will be 15 more yards thanks to a horse collar tackle by Charles Tillman. 22 yards total on the pass and the penalty.

"That's a horse collar's horse collar." - John
"Even Roy Williams would admit that that's a penalty." - Al
"You could look that up as the definition of a horse-collar tackle." - John
"It's a Clydesdale." - Al

Frerotte over the middle to Jim Kleinsaucer in the end zone -- and it's TOUCHDOWN, VIKINGS! This is being reviewed by the booth, and it's being reversed. Kleinsaucer was down at the "quarter-yard" line.

"Let me get this straight now: that would be the nine-inch line." - Al, following it with a drop of "Nine Inch Nails."

Al just referenced Nine Inch Nails? Dear God... Al's head would probably explode if he heard the entirety of a Trent Renzor song. - Yet Another Idiot With a Music Blog

Al's got a head like a hole.

Frerotte on the QB sneak on first and goal, and we have our TOUCHDOWN, VIKINGS, followed by a kind of goofy looking spike.

"That's a man's spike." - John
"That one's for Kleinsaucer." - Al

Longwell's PAT is good, 17-7, Vikings.

Is Andy Reid coaching for the Bears? how else to explain that goal line stance and the play calling. As an Eagles fan, I know I've seen that sequence before. - walnuts

The mention of that fat walrus' name pisses me off right now. I'm sorry, but after four weeks of forgetting that Brian Westbrook exists, he then goes back to him for four touchdowns and I've gotten sick of it, so I benched him.

FUCK YOU, FAT ANDY.

The Bears run out the clock to let the half expire. 17-7, Vikes at the half. See you in the second half thread. But first, a musical break featuring Al's new favorite artist for you. (I would embed it but Trent Reznor or his record company do not like embedding and have disabled it on YouTube.)