Dick Vitale and Bob Knight do not understand why the Basketball Hall of Fame has switched to "Flavor Flav" signature medallions.

Donovan McNabb does his best Andy Reid impersonation on the sidelines to amuse himself.

Bob Knight: "Dick, never has someone accomplished so little in their career and been rewarded as much as you have."

Dick Vitale: "You're right. Isn't America great, BABY!"

Dickie V: Coach, just remember. My name is DICK VITALE. I am not Neil Reed.

McNabb

*thinks*
I hope Mom brings me my hot chocolate soon. Please have whipped cream! Please have whipped cream!

McNabb: When am I going back in, Coach?
Reid: I told you already...after the first overtime.
McNabb: Awwww, hell no! I'm not falling for that again!

andy, i can't be mad about this because i don't have any arms

Donovan: "Wait, Andy, please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke. Why am I being benched?"

Andy "You were terrible. Why are you being this way? Why can't you just be proud of Kevin?"

Donovan "I can't believe you did this to me. You benched me. I thought you said I was a great QB"

Andy "It was a joke. I even wrote it down in my diary. I told Donovan a very funny joke today. I laughed at it later that night"

Donovan "I can't believe that I cared for you"

Andy "Get out. Just go. We are through. Through. Because of your actions, you overrated toad"

Donovan "You have broken my heart, Mr. Reid. You have broken my heart"

McNabb

*thinks*
Man this is awesome! I can see the whole field from over here. Why don't I watch the offense like this more often?!?!

You're not gonna believe the next fuckin four days...I mean, I'll fuckin run ya...this is absolute fuckin bullshit...you'll think last night was a fuckin picinc...and I mean, you will not put in that fuckin position again.

You got any breath mints?

See coach, if I put my arms like this, I'm fatter and even more useless than you.

I CAN'T PUT MY ARMS DOWN!!!

Here, Vitale, does this make you happy?! Now go out there and play some goddamned defense before I choke the life out of ya with this thing!!

You have joined the Sacred Order of the Stonecutters who, since ancient times, have split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth. Now let's all get drunk and play ping pong!

Donovon McNabb and the rest of the Eagles take a Sunday off now that it's not possible to win a copy of a sports video game for doing a copy and paste job from a Memorable Quotes page at IMDB.

Bob Knight: "Congratulations on your new one day record of 902 Duke/UNC mentions, even though you were assigned the Xavier-Memphis game".

Dick Vitale: "Coach K BABY!!!!"

Mmmm....Donovan kinda looks like a marshmallow. A big, delicious, marshmallow...(Drools)

Hey, two pictures, two captions for ya!

Top: "I hereby dub thee Dick of Head."

Bottom: Reid: "I wonder what JFein is thinking right now?"
McNabb: "I wonder if I'll be traded to Detroit, a fate worse than death?"
Brian Dawkins: "I wonder if Edge will return to World Fake Fighting Entertainment."

Dick Vitale is saddened to learn that there are no members of the Hall from Duke or UNC to present him with his medal

Come on coach...I know some of the rules now. Like did you know that if the other team catches a ball I throw, they get to keep it?

In a touching ceremony, the previous winner of "Annoying Douche that we don't want to hear about any more" passes on the award to this year's recipient.

In related news - the frontrunner for the award next year has already been determined.

It's about damn time Vitale finally got his medal for blowing up the Death Star and saving the rebel base.

This photo reveals the true reason why Donovan McNabb was benched yesterday. He was constipated.

McNabb: Coach Reid, do have too.....fine.....

Oompa Loomp doompadee doo
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa Loomp doompadee dee
If you are wise, you’ll listen to me
What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats?
What you are getting is terribly fat!
What do you think will come of that?
I don’t like the look of it
Oompa Loomp doompadee dah
If you’re not greedy you will go far,
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loomp doompadee do
Doompadee Doo

McNabb: I sure hope coach does not smell the Big Mac meal I have hidden underneath my jacket.

In the background, Eagles cornerback Sheldon Brown prays to have his contract voided.

OCTOBER 20, 2008
SETTING: ESPN College Basketball production meeting
----
Knight: "All right, I get it, the f***ing Rays are in the f***ing World Series. What d'you want, a f***ing medal?"
Vitale: "That'd be awesome, baby!"

Three weeks later...

(look ma, no movie quotes!)

Quit being such ripoff artists from IMDB!

With unemployment looming, Reid and McNabb practice their new gig as floats in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

No one ever thought it would come to this, but it looks like Brian Dawkins has been the one picked to shank McNabb...

In one photo we see an old, washed up, time-has-passed-me-by coach giving his friend the recognition he deserves. In the other photo we see Bobby Knight giving Dick Vitale a medal.

Coach Knight carefully applies his new custom-ordered Dick Vitale mask to his wife's head before a passionate love making session.

Eagles pic:

"This is the Eagles sideline after watching the movie "Twilight".

OMG!! You killed Kenny...er..Donovan('s career)!!

McNabb: "Coach, its one thing to bench me, but do I really have to keep your meatball 5 dollar footlong warm for you until the game is over?"

Reid: "Less talking, more incubating!"

DV: "Your gentle touch is making me feel suppah, scintillating, sensational baby!"

"Yeah, you're bald, you got one eye and you're gonna get this GOD DAMN MEDAL in your ass if you don't shut the fuck up!

Brian Dawkins sidles up to McNabb hoping to get swept out of Philly along whith him in hopes of playing for a contender.

Bob Knight, one of the few people on earth who wouldn't take this excellent opportunity to strangle Dick Vitale.

Andy: Here's the deal, you teach me what a running back is, and I'll teach you how to throw to the guys wearing the same jersey as you are.

Bench me... I looked over the rule book and there is nothing about me being benched in there so you must put me back in so I can lead us to a tie again

Top: They like me! They really like me!

Bottom: Donovan McNabb is the frontrunner for the role of the green Christmas M & M until the next auditioner, Andy Reid, walks in.

McNabb photo

You know this whole Starburry treatment is not really that bad. Sure I will get ripped by Rush Limbaugh and the numbnuts on Philadelphia sports radio. But I am getting millions not to play or know the rule book. Fuck 'em.

Well I've never been benched. I didn't even know it was in the rulebook, but again ya know its part of the rules so I guess we have to go with it. I was looking forward the next opportunity to go out there and lead a drive to try and win the game, unfortunatly, I got benched. In college, I had multiple turnovers and never got benched, and in high school and Pop Warner. I never knew in the professional ranks it would end that way. I hate to see what would happen if Kevin Kolb led us to the Super Bowl and the playoffs.

Donovan ponders his future on the sidelines.

This coaching thing ain't so tough, I think I have all the tools. Poor time management? Yes. Inability to comprehend the basic fundamentals of football? Certainly. Now if I can only fit two more parkas on, I'll be fully qualified.

Coach Knight narrating: You know, we always called each other good fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody, :You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us.: You understand? We were good fellas. Wiseguys. But Jimmy and I could never be made because we had Irish blood. It didn't even matter that my mother was Sicilian. To become a member of a crew you've got to be one hundred per cent Italian so they can trace all your relatives back to the old country. See, it's the highest honor they can give you. It means you belong to a family and crew. It means that nobody can **** around with you. It also means you could **** around with anybody just as long as they aren't also a member. It's like a license to steal. It's a license to do anything. As far as Jimmy was concerned with Dickie being made, it was like we were all being made. We would now have one of our own as a member.

It is SO hard to masturbate with Andy right there.

Jeez, in the past few weeks Donovan's gained a lot of weight, and gotten really bad at football, and said a lot of nasty things about Obama, and popped a lot of pills, and spent a lot of time reading Larrouse Gastronomique, and watched the last thirty minutes of 'Silence of the Lambs' a few hundred times, and ...

OH DEAR GOD!!!

With Coach K, Christian Laetner, and Tyler Hansbourgh all unavailable, Dicky V had to settle for Bobby Knight.

Knight: "If you ever call me by my middle name again I will rip out your good eye and stuff it down your throat".

McNabb: "Aww, man. Now I gotta pee".

"No Dick, I swear it's a medal. What makes you think it's to help me get better distance when I fling you onto the court?"

Sheldon Brown: "I just don't understand why it has to be like this. I mean, can't they see it's just a game? How could we, as a people, have let it gotten this out of hand? Every day it gets worse, it just hurts me so much. Why must we divide ourselves into groups? Can't we all just accept each other, no matter if we choose to quote movies, press conferences, or god forbid Saved By The Bell? Because in the end, aren't we all just human beings trying to see our names published on one of our favorite sports blogs?"

Referee: The Choice is made!
Brian Dawkins: Whoa! Ho! Ho! Whoa-oa!
Referee: The Traveller has come!
Brian Dawkins: Nobody choosed anything!
Brian Dawkins: Did you choose anything?
Sheldon Brown: No.
Brian Dawkins: Did YOU?
Sheldon Brown: My mind is totally blank.
Brian Dawkins: *I* didn't choose anything...
Sheldon Brown: I couldn't help it. It just popped in there.
Brian Dawkins: What? *What* "just popped in there?"
Sheldon Brown: I... I... I tried to think...
Brian Dawkins: LOOK!
Sheldon Brown: No! It CAN'T be!
Brian Dawkins: What is it?
Sheldon Brown: It CAN'T be!
Brian Dawkins: What did you DO, Sheldon?
Sheldon Brown: It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man ... and Donovan McNabb

"Let's see: t-shirt, shoulder pads, game jersey, hoody, warm-up jacket, fleece, overcoat, arms pulled in... no, I still can't match up with Andy. Does anyone have an XXXL down jacket and pillows for the belly?"

Bob Knight and Dick Vitale right before Vitale said "What's up, Knight" and was brutally strangled by his very own medallion lanyard.

McNabb: I can't put my arms down!
Coach: Well... put your arms down when you get to school.

Dick Vitale's acceptance speech -
DV: Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one.
BK: It's been done before...NEXT.
DV: Pulitzer Prizes are like Academy Awards, nobody remembers what you got one for, just that you got one.
BK: *yawn*

Hey! Hey! Hey! It's Faaaaaat Albert!

It seems fitting that the expression "cold day in hell before Kevin Kolb is the QB for the Eagles" actually comes true on a 20 degree day in Philadelphia.

McNabb and Reid avoid awkward eye contact when they realize they both dressed as Kool Aid Man for the team Halloween party.

"Hey Chubs, there might be a job opening with Notre Dame after they lost to the 'Cuse this weekend. You should really look into it. Seriously, we won't be upset or anything if you leave for that job.

For Eagles pic:

Yeah, this blows goats but at least the Phils won the World Series!!!!

McNabb: "This sux. Call mom and have her bring over some Campbell's Chunky soup."

Dawkins: did you see LeBron play at MSG the other night?
McNabb: Yeah, Janitor told me
Dawkins: Man, Cleveland fans must be mad
McNabb:Shoot! I wish i had some fans that cheered for me...(sees Reid) oh crap act like you watching this game...Come on Calvin!
Dawkins:(whispers)It's Kevin
McNabb: really...Come on Kevin!

McNabb: "How in the fuck could you replace me with a guy who doesn't even know how to pronounce his own last name right? Reggie Cobb. Dan Kolb. Ty Cobb. Uhhh...fuck it."