Got the Bills/Pats game here and Mr. Enberg is already stumbling through the injury report.

Kerry Collins is hiding a hip flask in that hand warmer.

(I'm going to hell.)

"If [Wes Welker] catches it, you have to tackle him right away." - Dick Enberg

Umm....generally it's a good idea to tackle someone right away, no matter who it is.

And I think Matt Cassel has officially rushed for more yards in this quarter than Tom brady has in his career.

Damn, it looks like I'm going to be in for a long, early afternoon. The Pats are going up and down the field on the Bills and the Bretts are currently up 17-0 on the still hapless Rams.

Scratch the Jest score, the touchdown is being reviewed and it looks like it could be overturned. And yes, I jumped the gun on the PAT.

Where has this Chicago defense been the past couple of weeks?

It's official: 17-0 NYJ

Now that's the Sex Cannon we know.

"Fuck it, I'm going deep to Marty Booker in double coverage....aw, shit."

Brady Hope picks it after Cortland Finnegan tips it.

"What a catch to Parrish and a first down." - a very confused Dick Enberg

Surely I'm about to jinx myself, but I haven't been Saved by Zero yet!

You call that a safety, Aaron?

/Dan Orlovsky

"I really don't like the term illegal pass. That was more of a product of an intentional grounding than an illegal pass." -Aikman

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the definition of grounding, an illegal pass.

"He was so organized you could see he was something special". - Dick Enberg quoting Dick Jauron on Bill Belichick.
"And a sappy dresser." - Randy Cross

@ Bazooka Jones: Yeah, it is. Hence the penalty that always accompanies the intentional grounding...

After a 5-yard penalty is added on to the end of a first down run.
"And he just gave the Ravens another first down." -Wilcots

Not True Solomon...

The closed captions on CBS just mentioned the Bears' defensive coordinator, Bob Bab Bitch.

"Buffalo will you...til...ize it's final timeout." - Dick Enberg

Nap time for Grandpa Dick...

"It's not cool to have abs if you're a defensive lineman. It's...just not cool." - Dan Dierdorf

Minnesota is making Aaron Rodgers its personal pinata. Four sacks, two safeties so far today.

"I'm Joy...I'm Joe. He's Troy...I AM Joy." - Joe Buck

"When Kenny Albert says something, you know it's going to be true." - Daryl Johnston

Apparently Kenny Albert is God...

37-0 Jets. Seeing as I know everyone is thinking it, I'll go ahead and say it. That game is a butt-whoopin and the Rams are supplying the butt.

Way to try to play that off Joe 'Smug' Buck.

Okay, this is officially one of the most humerous games I have ever seen. 40-0 Jets....at halftime!

@ JFein - has anyone asked yet if Eric Mangini and Brett Favre are bad sports for running up the score?

Hey, the coach is a Coach Hobo disciple.

Also worth noting: Brad Childress still sucks as an offensive mind. Gus Frerotte has thrown two picks and the Vikings are only ahead because of very, very good defense.

@ S2N: I don't really think you can accuse them of running up the score. The Rams keep turning the ball over in their own territory. It's actually quite humorous. And from what I've heard, it has not been mentioned. Although, if the game ends up 80-0, I think you can make that case....

"Let's go to that Tennis-Chicago upset." - Dick Enberg

I'll say it now and spare Keith Olbermann the line:

The Jets are having a baye week. They're playing the Rams. BYE!

Correction: "Let's go to that Tennis-Chicago update" - Dick Enberg

"The ballet form of these receivers is just so delicious." - Enberg

Randy Cross: "That was a 'Whooof!' When they go by you, it's 'Whooof!'"

"That NFC North is just like the AFC East. 3 teams..." - Dick Enberg who never completed that thought

And also, the AFC East has 4 teams that are neck and neck. The NFC North has competitive teams, and one team that, well, probably couldn't beat Washington State.

Or in English: The Jets are having a bye week.

Might as well add the Jaguars have a bye week agianst the Lions. The lions are wearing the best-looking throwbacks in the history of retro uniforms. However, they are playing a stealth defense against Jacksonville. "Stealth Defense" means even they can't see it.

I may as well ask FOX to get us out of this Rams-Jets pigsty and switch us to Packers-Vikings, PLEASE!

@ James Craven: I thought the Lions liked to save those uniforms for Thanksgiving.

I have seen a different Toyota commercial about Camry's. To quote the patriarch of the modern stone-age family, 'YABBA-DABBA-DOO!!!'

Ian Eagle: "... And a penalty marker is down as Mason took a shot to the head."
Wilcotts: "Yeah, and a flag is down."

Thanks for the extra info, Solomon!

jein, they're weaing them today, and they still suck!

or in English, they're wearing them. Sure beats the black crap Matt Millen imposed upon them. And they're still playing like shit.

Why is Brett Favre still in the game. It's 40-3.

All I know is that I can't wait for the game this Thursday between the Jets and the Pats.

On the Rams-Jets: Get a roll of stamps and mail this season in!

Would it be so hard for FOX to switch from the Rams-Jets game for those of us outside of the New York markets? There are three other close games going on right now on the network, and instead, some of us are having to watch a 47-3 ballgame just so FOX can reinforce the media's overzealous love of Brett Favre. You know, most of us are sick of the gunslinger!

What in the name of fucktardness is FOX NOT FUCKING DOING?! Switch outta Rams-Jets for the love of all things good and faithjful! Oh, FUCK OFF RUPERT MURDOCH!

Brett Favre even has been taken out of the game. Apparently seeing Kellen Clemens and Trent Green is better than a close game between the Vikings and the Packers. On the bright side, the Bills-Pats game ended early and I've got a now very interesting Titans-Bears game.

jfein, there are certain rules that allows you to switch from a blowout (minimum 18 points) to another game. Frankly, FIXED SPORTS went too much, too little, too late (Johnny Mathis and Denice Matthews music cue) to Seattle-Miami AFTER THE FUCKING JETS-LAMBS GAME?!

Why isn't Fox switching to Vikings-Packers??? Just another reason why I hate Rupert Murdoch.....Argh, ye matey.

Are you kidding me???? Now I've got the Saints-Falcons blowout! FUCK RUPERT MURDOCH, FIXED NEWS, FIXED SPORTS, FIXED TELEVISION, FIXED REALITY, AND EVERYTHING ELSE FIXED!

Agreed, anon 3:40 pm. We're just FUCKING sick of Favre.

Adrian Peterson was possessed on that drive.

@ anon @ 4:07: If only I would have seen it. Rupert Murdoch can officially DIAF. And now it's 4:10, so they're contractually obligated NOT to go to it because CBS has the late game. I'll say it one more time, FUCK RUPERT MURDOCH!

We'll all be waiting for the day cable gets the NFL SUNDAY TICKET so we can all LOL at days like this.

That will be the day....

Sadly, I'm reduced to "watching" the end of the Pack-Vikes at the nfl.com gamecenter. Thanks, Rupe!

A shot for every time Phil Simms asks a rhetorical question, see if you can stand up the end of each quarter.

How about a shot every time we say "FUCK FOX", "FUCK RUPERT MURDOCH" (Arrrrrr...) of "FUCK FIXED [ANYTHING]!"?

Why Fox didn't switch from Rams-Jets? That game started running ahead of the others as far as commercials went.

After the Jets finished their ass-kickin' Fox switched to the end of Seahawks-Dolphins. Jets division rival with an ex-Jet QB in a game called by a NYC announcer ... against a team Fox will have on in NYC next week.

Anon 5:50 PM, I would rather be gang raped by that "Saved By Fucking Zero" singers than watch that abortion at Fixed Fucking Sports.