Okay, over the years I've used that "randomness" tag pretty liberally, but I have to say that this is by far the most random thing I've ever come across. ESPN Page 2 writer, and Uniwatch founder, Paul Lukas is going on tour. No it's not a book tour, or anything for his website(s), he's actually opening for the rock band The Magnetic Fields....and he'll doing so by showing a random PowerPoint presentation....seriously. From Uniwatch via SbB....

Today’s lead entry takes a break from uni-related content, cuz I’ve got an unusual announcement to make. As most of you know, I’ve done several spoken-word gigs over the past year or so — readings, lectures, “performances,” whatever you want to call them. Now, in a really unusual twist, I’m going to be opening for a rock band, and I’m pretty excited about it.

Here’s the deal: My longtime pal Liz Clayton and I have been asked by our friends the Magnetic Fields (that’s them in the photo above) to serve as their opening act for part of their upcoming fall tour. Liz will be doing a PowerPoint presentation based on her awesome web site devoted to transparently repurposed fast-food outlets, Not Fooling Anybody (a few of you may have seen her present this same program at Union Hall back in January — it was hilarious), and I’ll be doing a PowerPoint devoted to … I’m not sure yet. My topic might be trade magazines (my topic at that Union Hall show), or it might be one of the other things I’ve presented lately, like the design evolution of butchery charts or the cultural history of the baseball cap. Or it might be something else entirely. I’m still deciding.

Liz and I, who are calling ourselves the Forewords, had hoped to do five or six shows on the tour, but it looks like logistical conflicts will limit us to just two: October 10th at the State Theater in Minneapolis, and October 11th at the Capitol Theater in Madison.

Now, I'm not all that into The Magnetic Fields, but that seems like a pretty awesome idea. If I was going to see a band I liked, I would much rather learn something I didn't know about than have to wait through a crappy band I've never heard of. This could have staying power. I'm thinking that the Dropkick Murphys should have Bill Simmons do a presentation when his new book comes out. Nothing bad could happen right?

And Now for Something Completely Different (Uniwatch)
Uni Watch Gives Rock & Roll, PowerPoints To You (Sports By Brooks)

Back in early June, a writer from the Province in Canada was caught poaching quotes from an old Rick Reilly column. At the time I wondered why someone would as dumb as to plagiarize from someone as widely read as Reilly, but apparently Herald writer John Sleeper didn't get the memo. Via The Seattle Times....

The Herald of Everett has suspended a sports writer for a column that included material taken from Sports Illustrated.

The Herald said parts of the June 3 column by John Sleeper, "Trust me, coaching girls is a whole new ballgame," describing the travails of a girls' basketball coach, were taken from a 2002 piece in the magazine.

The Sports Illustrated column, "Out of Touch with My Feminine Side," was written by Rick Reilly and was printed in a book of Reilly's columns, "Hate Mail from Cheerleaders," which was published in 2007.

The paper said Sleeper has been suspended for an in-depth review of the matter. It said the deception violated journalistic standards and The Herald's commitment to maintaining community trust.

Just amazing. You would think that with the invention of the Internet and the ease of finding information that plagiarism would happen less, but I guess not. It's also interesting that people don't really get fired for this offense anymore. Back in the day they would have been humiliated and ostracized from the writing business, but now it's a slap on the wrist and they're back to work in no time.

Everett Herald columnist suspended for plagiarism (Seattle Times)

(Thanks to SS for the tip.)

I never knew that cars ever reached a speed of higher than 20mph in Los Angeles, but according to ESPN's Sam Alipour...that's not the case. The Page 2 reporter was leaving an ESPY party early Friday morning when he was struck by a car. It was a scary scene, but Alipour had an interesting hero....

So, this is what getting hit by a car feels like.

When I came to, I was on the sidewalk, my shoulder hurting like crazy, shards of glass in my forearm and blood dripping from my fingers, while limo drivers and other witnesses screamed this way and that. The paramedics told me I was lucky to be alive ("Last time I saw a windshield like that," said one, "guy lost both his legs"), and all I could think was, "Damn! I just bought this Banana Republic tie-and-shirt ensemble!"

That, and "Holy crap, that's T.O.!"

Terrell Owens was standing over me. I'm told he was the first do-gooder on the scene of the accident. That he helped me to my feet and off the street to safe ground. That he didn't leave my side. It seems the mercurial Dallas Cowboys receiver is my hero. But my hero looks scared, and this scares me.

"Wow, you all right, man?" Owens kept asking me, but in a manner that would suggest there is no possible way that I, in fact, could be all right. "Don't move. Just sit there. Breathe. Don't move."

That's crazy. As a survivor of getting hit by a car myself (twice actually) I'd say welcome to the club, but I've never been flipped up onto a windshield. Thank goodness Alipour is alright and now he's got a cool story to tell the grandkids.

A night of unexpected heroes at '08 ESPYS (Page 2)

Actually it's not because he's in trouble after a tumoltous few months with his employer, but rather for him to finish his second book. The Sports Guy has a good 10 weeks to complete the novel and prep himself for 8,000 Pats articles this fall (I kid)....

Gone Fishin'

Quick announcement from Bill: ESPN was gracious enough to give me 10 weeks off to finish my second book. My column will return right before Week 1 of the NFL season, just in time for another year of crappy football picks! If you're a fan of the "B.S. Report," we're still doing weekly podcasts, but that's it. Enjoy the summer.

The Celtics are champs. The Sox are champs. The Pats are … well, still a dynasty. The Sports Guy feels he has reached nirvana, and there's nowhere to go but down. So, how does he avoid Hugh Grant Syndrome?

It's a shame that we don't get the high comedy that was ESPN and his relationship the rest of the Summer, but alas....it was fun while it lasted. I hope your vacation gives you time to reload and come back with guns a blazin'.

The Sports Fella Takes A Breather (Deadspin)

Every "Draft Diary" that Simmons has done for ESPN has always skated around the broadcast team. It's no secret that Simmons is heavily edited when it comes to criticising the "Leader", which makes this year's diary such a shock. He actually spent a good amount of the article taking shots at Stu Scott and Co....

4. Bilas calls Rose a "special, special talent," followed by Van Gundy calling Michael Beasley a "special talent" and Mark Jackson calling O.J. Majo a "special basketball player," then Bilas agreeing that Beasley was a "special talent." That's why Rose went ahead of Beasley and Mayo -- he's more than a special basketball player and a special talent, he's a special, special talent. Anyway, that was a special sequence.

4:40: Our first glimpse of Stephen A. Smith, who has been given interview duties for the night. Frankly, I'm beside myself with excitement.

4:46: Doris Burke becomes the first announcer to provide color for a second-round NBA playoff game and a WNBA game AND draw Mom Interview Duty during the NBA draft within a two-month span. You'll be telling your grandkids about that trifecta. You will.

5:12: This seems like a good time to mention that A.) Gordon is dressed like one of the waiters at Johnny Rockets, and B.) Stephen A. mistakenly thought he was a point guard before Gordon corrected him. Let's just move on.

5:26: Stu explains Augustin is only 5-foot-11, but he has the wingspan of someone who's 6-3½. Well that changes everything!

5:47: I don't mean to nitpick, but every time Van Gundy talks in the second person, ESPN should be throwing up a "Copyright: Hubie Brown, 1972" graphic.

5:56: Well, folks, we just made history -- Dick Vitale broke his own personal record and talked uninterrupted for 164 seconds straight. Also, my cable box just caught fire.

6:19: We might get through the night without a single argument among Van Gundy, Jackson and Bilas. These guys make "Tirico and Van Pelt" seem combative and hostile by comparison.

6:25: Charlotte takes French center Alexis Ajinca, quickly followed by Fran Fraschilla getting yanked away from the men's room to give his thoughts. You're not gonna believe this, but Fran likes Ajinca's 7-foot-8 wingspan. That leads to the new best e-mail of the night, from Jon in Maine: "Since when did Nathan Lane become an expert on international basketball?"

Well that was fun wasn't it? I fully expect all of those digs to be taken down by 1:30pm so enjoy them while you can!

Introducing the comedic stylings of the Lopez twins! (Page 2)

Before I get into this I just want to say that I think Jemele Hill is a bit hypocritical and just plain dumb for her "Celtics-Hitler" line. With that said.... this stunt by WBCN in Boston has gotten a tad out of hand. The station is sending two people to ESPN to protest and their website has even published her address and phone number....

Fred:
"Jemele Hill wrote an an article for ESPN.COM's page two comparing rooting for Celtics to rooting for Hitler. The article was promptly edited by espn.com. This is the same woman who called for the firing of Don Imus after his remarks on the Rutgers women's basketball team. This hypocrisy cannot be ignored. Please call for Ms. Hill's firing."

Right now, Intern Nick and Adolfo are on their way to ESPN headquarters in Connecticut.

CONTACT ESPN and let them know Jemele should be fired!

Comment: She picked up the last number.. 7Mile Scribe Inc 19731 Glen Elm Way, Orlando, FL 32833 (321)251-XXXX (321)251-XXXX (877)259-XXXX

Come on people. I know that you're mad she bashed your team but seriously....everyone just calm down. She made a dumb joke and asking for her head is only going to make her appear on ESPN more. And also.....making a dumb, senseless comparison just isn't the same as racially degrading an entire team of women (in Imus' case). There are reports that she's getting harassing calls and even death threats, so it might be time to put an end to this Boston.

She's been suspended (although there are rumors to the contrary), so just let it pass. I posted the address so all of you industrious folks can write her a letter but "X"ed out the phone numbers. If you're really vindictive and care to call....they're in the link below, but seriously....let's just move on shall we?

Fred's Response (WBCN, 104.1)

Deadspin found a quote from Jemele Hill over the weekend that, while over-the-top and since taken down, is not sitting well with Celtic fans at the start of this week. Jemele tried to take the angle that rooting for the Celtics is like "saying Hitler was a victim," and MSM sites like CBS TV in Boston are now picking up on it....

The writer behind the poor choice of words was Jemele Hill. She wrote on ESPN.com, "Rooting for the Celtics is like saying Hitler was a victim. It's like hoping Gorbachev would get to the blinking red button before Reagan."

Some Celtics fans told WBZ its one of the most insensitive comparisons they have ever heard.

"We're not talking about war; we're talking about basketball," one fan outside the Garden said. "How can you compare Hitler to a basketball game?"

"I don't think you can say Hitler is a victim no matter what the circumstance is. That's over the top," another fan said.

Late Saturday night, the online article was changed. ESPN spokesperson Paul Melvin told WBZ, "the column as originally posted made some absolutely unacceptable comparisons. It was edited to correct those and we will continue to look into the issue."

In all honesty this just makes me laugh. Not only is making a Hitler comparison to a Basketball team idiotic, it's just stupid to even bring that name into any discussion. You know it's going to upset people so why even attempt it? I mean would it have been fair to say that rooting for Kobe is like rooting for John Wayne Gacy? Of course not.

I know I say this a lot but again, it's just Sports....let's all just calm down, enjoy the games and have a little fun with them. Okay?

Harsh Words For Celtics Fans Pulled From ESPN (WBZ TV)
Celtics Fans Are No Longer Hitler Sympathizers (Deadspin)

Everyone is well aware of all the protests going on and how important they are to many individuals and Free Tibet movements. So how does ESPN handle this? They joke about it by posting a video game on Page 2 in which your goal is to "navigate the Olympic torch away from angry protesters."

It's a very complex game featuring the torch as an object you move with your arrow keys away from little red moving dots (those pesky angry protesters) and ultimately on to the Olympic rings. The red dots multiply in numbers and eventually extinguish the flame if you're not quick enough.

I mean besides the fact that it could be seen as demeaning to people practicing free speech and perhaps it trivializes the struggle of a region long under siege by the Chinese Government.....it's pretty damn fun.

Torch Run (ESPN.com)

(Thanks to MM for passing along the link)

The last time we were talking about this it was in regards to a Bill Simmons comment during one of his marathon chats. ESPN edited out the Emmitt jab then and it appears they're still practicing it today. Via Pro Football Talk....

In a new feature for ESPN.com’s Page 2, Hruby has been tracking absurd quotes in power-ranking style. Volume 2 of the Absurd Quote Power Rankings moved from No. 9 to No. 5 the following gem from ESPN’s own Emmitt Smith: “What happened tonight, the strength of the Patriots team got debacled.”

So we posted a blurb on it, and went about our business.

But then something happened. The list got changed. Emmitt’s quote fell from No. 5 all the way to, as Hruby says with a jab at Mike Tyson, “Bolivian.” This link goes to the revised version of the Absurd Quote Power Rankings, where Emmitt is off the list. (Actually, Emmitt’s quote is still mentioned, but only as being dropped from the roster.)

Yep. It's gone from the list. I don't know how you can drop from #5 to off the charts without someone making it happen, but he I could be wrong. Protecting Mr. Smith will only make me/us make more fun of him ESPN. The guy is a gold mine of idiotic statemetns. Just saying.

ESPN Prevents Poking Fun At Emmitt (Pro Football Talk)
Bill Simmons Takes A Shot At Emmitt Smith During His Marathon Chat (Updated: ESPN Takes It Down) (Awful Announcing)

Everyone knows how I feel about crediting people for the information that they find and how uppity I get when it doesn't happen. Well how about taking something that ESPN's most popular writer created years ago, renaming it (not very cleverly), and publishing it on a major website?

I give you San Antonio Express-News' Gaylon Krizak and his "Tee Martin Principle"....

There are lots of reasons, and it's not a one-size-fits-all deal. But high on the list is a little something I like to call the "Tee Martin Principle."

Remember Martin? Don't worry — I'll wait (sometimes Google takes a while).

Martin is best known as the relatively nondescript guy who succeeded Peyton Manning as Tennessee's quarterback — and promptly won the national championship Manning's teams never even sniffed.

The principle? Sometimes, talented players like nothing better than the challenge of proving doubters wrong — especially when the doubt is caused by the absence or departure of an über-talented player.

To an extent, the TMP also is on display about 150 miles west of Houston, where the Texas Longhorns are faring quite nicely without Kevin Durant, last season's one-and-done national player of the year as a freshman.

Umm....that sounds vaguely familiar to me. Oh that's right....it's Bill Simmons' Ewing Theory! This is from a 2001 column explaining the whole thing....

Dave introduced me to the Ewing Theory three years ago, and we've been tinkering with it like Voltaire and Thoreau ever since. Eventually, we decided that two crucial elements needed to be in place for any situation to qualify for "Ewing" status:

1. A star athlete receives an inordinate amount of media attention and fan interest, and yet his teams never win anything substantial with him (other than maybe some early-round playoff series).

2. That same athlete leaves his team (either by injury, trade, graduation, free agency or retirement) -- and both the media and fans immediately write off the team for the following season.

When those elements collide, you have the Ewing Theory.

Well that's good Bill and I think I can follow that, but can you give me an example?

2. Tennessee Volunteers, 1998: Even more ballyhooed than Van Horn during his college career, Peyton Manning leaves UT without either winning a national title or beating Florida -- and the Vols win the national title nine months later.

Oh okay...good. Just checking. Seriously people, if you're going to "borrow" material at least try to get a little creative and not just change a few words around. This isn't even trying.

I have no idea who Mr. Krizak is, but he might want to try stealing from lower profile writers before he takes on Simmons.

Ewing Theory 101 (ESPN: May 2001)
Don't forget 'Tee Martin Principle' (SA Express-News: March 2008)

(Thanks to SMF for sending the link along)

Update: Okay so Simmons has already commented on this. Thanks to Leezy for the quote....
"First we had the Ewing Theory ... now, we have the Tee Martin Principle! Oh, wait, they're the exact same thing! My bad. Even Scott Templeton would have handled this more discreetly. Although my buddy JackO is now rooting for this guy to rank sports and pop culture events on the "Not Purposely Humorous Scale"

Another large side order of links (Page 2)

Over the weekend ESPN's Sports Nation posted a poll on what result you would like to see happen to a Boston based team/athlete over the weekend. You had the Patriots losing, Johan Santana not being traded to the Red Sox, and of course Kevin Garnett blowing his knee out....wait, what???

Garnett, his mouth ajar in disbelief upon hearing about the poll after last night’s game, recovered long enough to say, “Wow, that’s really distasteful, man. Man, I mean, that’s my life, my career. You don’t joke about something like that.”

Garnett then leaned toward the nearest door - made of wood, naturally - and rapped his knuckles on it, before asking a team official to contact ESPN to register his dismay.

While the poll is pretty distasteful it comes at an odd time. Garnett just finished a commercial for Sports Center and had recently graced the cover of ESPN the Mag. I don't know why for the life of them that they would pick on one of the most outgoing guys in the NBA, but I guess they know what they're doing.

ESPN's response via Boston Sports: “Friday’s ESPN.com Page 2 poll used very poor judgment in its option about Kevin Garnett. The poll was removed immediately upon the senior editorial staff becoming aware, and we sincerely regret the error in judgment. We are addressing the issue and apologize to Kevin Garnett, to the Celtics organization and to those offended by the poll question. Obviously, we wish good health to all athletes.”

Obviously.

KG Calls ESPN.com Poll Distasteful (Boston Herald)
ESPN Apologizes To KG (Boston Sportz)

(Usually) Everyday I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Friday's Winners.....


"It's the Oscar De La Hoya fan club!"- Moose Comes In Second

"You know...I like these better than our real uniforms."- Anon

"Your butt is bigger than mine!"- Anon

"I was gonna go with the wingtips, but the loafers just felt smoother against my skin."- combatchuck
____________________________________

Are you funny enough to make a caption for this photo of the Chicago Bears' Backup QBs taking in last nights game?


Weekend Links:

EA Is Even Making Heisman Candidates Swoon Now (Orlando Sentinel)
The College Football Dundies (College Game Balls)
A Ten Dollar Bet With A Billionaire (Sports Biz)
Ichiro Singing Is Always Awesome (Digital Headbutt)
Ohio State Is A Contender (Ghosts of Wayne Fontes)
ESPN Doing Everything They Can To Piss Phil Mushnick Off (The Sports Hernia)
A Scary NHRA Crash (Daly Planet)
Mascot Fight!!! (Joe Sports Fan)
OJ Threatens To Kill (Again) (Our Book Of Scrap)

Lastly......

One of the few mistakes I've made on this site was calling out Jemele Hill when she first made it to ESPN's Page 2. Well I think she's one of the best writers on there now, and this piece on Isiah Thomas is a must read.

What Isiah said makes him worse than Imus (ESPN Page 2)

I saw this yesterday and it didn't seem like a big deal. There were new links and some YouTube videos....it was a pretty good step forward. Today though there are some cryptic comments on the right side of the page that caught my eye.....

For 364 days a year, I feel like I have one of the greatest jobs on the planet. For the 365th day, I feel like I'm wasting my life and doing something dumb. This is Day 365. I don't need to explain why. Like everyone else, I had to go to work, so I'm going to work. Life goes on. Even on a sad day like today.

A sad day like today? Is he referring to September 11th? Or the impending two lost draft picks of the Patriots? I'm confused. Well either way there's a bunch of new stuff on the site including the Basketball Blog, The Links/Recommendations Blog, and the sure to be popular......Boston Blog.

The Boston thing has always been tough because I'm supposed to be appealing to a national audience, so every time I write about a Boston team, I have to broaden my thoughts a little for everyone outside New England. Not anymore. If you don't give a crap about Boston, that's fine. I won't take it personally. Just don't click on the link.

You look good in orange William, and thanks for finally admitting you write a blog.

SG World (ESPN 2)
________________________________

TSG has also been tabbed to pick 7 NBA Games for ESPN Classic to air starting today and going through October. I remember him doing something similar to this last year and it coming off okay, but this year he's got a pretty great selection of games...

Sept. 12: Cleveland at Boston, Game 3, 1992- Larry Bird.....blah, blah, blah
Sept. 19: Seattle at Phoenix, Game 5, 1993- Barkley vs. Kemp
Sept. 26: Golden State at L.A. Lakers, Game 2, 1991- RUN TMC vs. Magic
Oct. 3: Chicago at New York, Game 3, 1996- MJ vs. The Bruising Knicks
Oct. 10: Chicago at Detroit, Game 3, 1991- I remember watching this game and thinking it was the turning point of the NBA. The Pistons just hammered the Bulls and MJ all game, and the Bulls wouldn't quit. Great game.
Oct. 17: Boston at Milwaukee, Game 4, 1986- Larry Bird.....blah, blah, blah
Oct. 24: Orlando at Chicago, Game 6, 1995- Down goes Chicago to Penny and Shaq

The games air every Wednesday and I'd mark down Sept 26th and Oct 10th as the two must watch games.

This can't be true, but Slam and Fanhouse are reporting it to be the case. Bill Simmons was at EA recently to put one of those black spandex suits with the day glow colored balls on it.

After lunch, everyone moved over to EA's motion capture facility (where they've got an autographed Chris Kaman sneaker on display) and the players-and Bill Simmons, who apparently will be in the game-all squeezed their way into their spandex suits and got ready to have their movements put into the game.

Uhhh....hmm. Yeah. Please let him be an analyst in the game. Please God. Please.

Live with Marion, Pierce, Foye, Frye, West, and Arenas (Slam Online)
Bill Simmons, Video Game Star (Fanhouse)

Look, I know I'm over doing this whole ESPN.com mistake thing, and I know it's tough to edit thousands of pictures and links. But this is pretty blatant and it's happening every single day. He Rob King.....before you call out a site in a random interview you might want to question the person who's putting the photos up for the "ever important" polls on your site (click photos for larger view). Just a suggestion....

Okay....hold on.....(hahahahaha).....Alright, where do we start?

First, the question is "How did Beckham's goal change your life?". Riiiiight....okay. Moving on. Second, the photo is actually doubled on the site from a Jeff Pearlman interview with Meatloaf. Yes.....Meatloaf. Third, oh forget it. I give up.


The Over/Under is set at 4 hours until this is removed......I'm taking all bets in the comments now.

UPDATE: It only took about 30 minutes to get it right. You're getting better ESPN, but Meatloaf loved the attention. Poor Meatloaf.

ESPN Page 2 (Page 2)
That ESPN.com Editor Is Asleep On The Job Again (Awful Announcing)

Ask and you shall receive my Nemesis!

ESPN has this ridiculous article up on the 50 players they think will be inducted into the Hall of Fame. They came up with some crazy points based system which is based on categories such as Mortality, Upside, and Intangibles....you know Intangibles....that which can't be measured (we're off to a great start).

The best part of the article isn't the 50 players (which include Calvin Johnson, AJ Hawk, Adrian Peterson, and Lofa Tatupu), it's the fact that the authors ask for snarky comments (oh and they get them)...

Before you post a snarky comment at the bottom of this page … understand that these are predictions. Very few active players would be locks for the Hall of Fame if they retired today. That leaves the door open to interpretation on who else will fill the field of 50 -- even a couple players who have yet to take a regular-season snap.

OK, now check our list -- and post that snarky comment.

You ask and you shall receive. I'll go first and then open it up to the ESPN Commenters.

1. You state that very few active players would be locks for the HOF if they retired today. WHY EVEN DO THIS STUDY TO START WITH THEN?!?!?! You already disproved everything you're about to say.

2. A tiebreaker is said to go to the person with the better team. The better team right now? Or how they'll be in 5, or 10 years? That's another study on its own.

3. A tiebreaker is said to go to the person with the better team. But in Matt Leinart's case you tell us to "Forget about that decal on the side of his helmet. Pretend it isn't there."....Umm okay??? What happened to your original ratings key then?

4. LaDanian Tomlinson is 9th....9th! Behind Richard Seymour and one in front of Adam Vinatieri. Enough said.

5. No Zach Thomas, Frank Gore, Willie Anderson, Jay Cutler, Roy Williams, Devin Hester, Fred Taylor, or Corey Dillon. Not even a mention.

I could go on and on, but I'll leave the rest to the ESPN commenters. They should sum it up for me....

"First "Who's Now?" Now this. This is the worst attempt at any list I have ever seen."

"Just think a few years ago they would have had Ryan Leaf on this list!! What a joke of an article!"

"Another wonderful (snicker) piece of journalism by you hacks. Your station has become complete and utter garbage over the last several years, and you also insist on just phoning in 90 percent of all the articles on the web site to go along with it."

"This is the worst thing I've ever seen from ESPN. It sounds like a little kid wrote this that didn't know what it takes to get to the Hall, and thought it was just for players who had decent careers. If Pac Man and Vick didn't get into any trouble they'd be on your list for sure."

...and my personal favorite.....

"This just in...........John David Booty just cracked the top 10."

Note to ESPN: I'm good at making up formulas too. I could come up with a formula and then rank the next player to be injured in MLS or something. How much is something like that worth? $1,500??? I bet I could come up with something even more ridiculous than Thomas Neumann and Scott Symmes (who?) and for half the cost.

Who's Ticketed For Canton? (ESPN Page 2)
Who's Ticketed For Canton?: Comments (ESPN Page 2 Conversation)
ESPN Sets Sabermetrics Back 100 Years, Joe Morgan Is Laughing His A** Off (Awful Announcing)

Seriously, what can't GuJo do? One of the great Sports feuds of all-time has been squelched. No, not Ali v. Frazier....Not Clemens v. Piazza....not even The Bronx Is Burning's battle of Martin v. Jackson.

Nothing even compares to this battle. It's the one that you actually wanted to see. As one of the combatants would say, "I would pay $2,000 to see that." Yes folks...Gus Johnson ended....

In something that only can be described as Most. Surreal. Moment. Ever. Johnson talked Thomas into meeting with Simmons (in Vegas none the less) and they had a sit down. From ESPN the Mag.....

Besides, anything -- and I mean anything -- can happen during Summer League in Vegas. I found this out while playing blackjack at the Wynn's European pool on Saturday afternoon. Improbably, I ran into one of my favorite announcers, Gus Johnson, who loves me because I love him. Just as I was about to make Gus announce a few of my blackjack hands ("Here's the double-down card ... OHHHHHHHH, IT'S A 10!!!!!"), he implored me to come over and meet Isiah Thomas -- that's right, my frequent column target, who once threatened "trouble" if we ever met on the street.

After I explained to Gus why this would be a horrible idea, he countered, "Hold on, I got this; I'll fix this." He left while I kept playing blackjack, wondering how to defend myself if Isiah came at me with a piña colada. Minutes later, Gus waved me over and introduced me to Isiah, who was quite gracious and gave me 30 minutes.

I explained my side, he explained his, and that was that. Maybe the details don't matter as much as the story itself: Gus Johnson brokering peace talks between me and Isiah Thomas at a topless pool in Vegas.

As Mel Allen would say...."How ABOUT that!?" What's next Gus??? Iraq/Iran?...child's play. Catholics/Protestants in Ireland? Too easy. No, we're taking you right to the West Bank my friend and you're meeting with the PLO.

Nothing tops Vegas and hoops (Page 2)

As everyone knows AA will have a Live-Blog of the draft on Thursday night. Even though Simmons doesn't want to admit it....He was a pioneer in the world of Sports Blogging and possibly even invented the live-blog with his draft diaries.

Well know you can continue your drinking the day after the Draft as Ballhype presents the Simmons' Draft Diary Drinking Game!!!

Here are a few of my favorites.....

"The Sports Guy references Curtis Borchardt, Chris Mihm, Chris Kaman, and/or Raef Lafrentz when Spencer Hawes gets picked. Take a drink."

"Did you know The Sports Guy won't be renewing his Clippers season tickets? If you didn't, now you do. Take a drink."

"The Sports Guy's dog Dooze does something hilarious which presciently foretells some draft prospect's future. Take a drink."

"The Sports Guy ridicules ESPN's choice of "unhip" on-air music while toggling through songs by The Killers and The Bravery in his iTunes library. Take two sips."

I'd like to add one to the list...If Jalen Rose's suit is mentioned....finish your beer. Be sure to read the rest, and if you have any be sure to add them in the comments.

The Bill Simmons' NBA Draft Diary Drinking Game (Ballhype)

In a way only a douchebag could, Cowherd responded to Simmons' column with a bunch of nonsense and approximately zero facts. Here's the rundown...I was typing as fast as I could, so some of these are paraphrased....

"I’m being attacked and I need help from the Herd"

“Vengeful Missile attack at me, just terrible.”

Reads Bill’s quote.....

“Reaaaaly Bill Simmons. I lazily skim other people’s work. Because you have two factual errors....my show is 4 not 3 hours, and I have 3 breaks per hour not 4."

"I find it mildly ironic that Simmons thinks I’m lazy, but doesn’t take the time to check his facts. He didn't take the 8 seconds to go to the website and see that the show is 4 hours."

"You didn’t listen to the segment Bill"

"We didn’t mock Bill Simmons, we said he’s smart and he gave the trades a great deal of thought. We just said when you take the best trade scenarios, they are just absurd."

"This horrible hurtful attack sent me back this morning, and I would hold off on saying I’m embarrassed when every column you write is about the Celtics."

"We never mocked him we mocked the idea of trading Kobe."

"Bill to you, no offense....we still like you. But Celtic columns....no one cares.

"How would you like to wake up in the morning and have a blog attack you."

"Olbermann is after me, Bill Simmons is after me..."

"There’s a kinship with Bill Simmons much like Al-Jazeera and the NHL. He went out on his own, and tries to be different like us."

So there you have it.....it's just plain laughable at this point. He doesn't back up his claims at all....takes cheap shots about the Celtics stuffs (which I'm not innocent of)....and is smug and a dick about the whole thing.

(Just a quick aside here....Hey Colin.....how did that Missing Link thing work out for you? Okay, just checking.)

RUTS says.... "Simmons isn't perfect, but he knows the NBA. Cowherd's just going to embarrass himself again, similar to when he was cracking jokes on Keith Olbermann. Maybe he's operating under the "any publicity is good publicity" model, but when all you ever get is bad publicity..."

Yep, that about sums it up. He's getting exactly what he wants by attacking The Big Lead, Simmons, and the like. Oh, and if you're interested the ass is going to be on Outside the Lines later today for a segment about the brashness and fair-reporting in the media. That should be interesting....it airs at 3:30 I believe.

UPDATE: Just remembered this. Colin's magically "4th hour" of the program is actually hour number one that is aired from 9-10am on a handful of ESPN stations. It's not even a real hour of the show and the only large market that airs it is L.A.

Bill Simmons Is Pissed at Shrutebag and a Cleveland Writer I've Never Heard Of (Awful Announcing)

In all my years reading Bill Simmons (probably 7 or so), I don't think he's ever responded, or acknowledged critics (let alone two in the same article). Well, that's what happened yesterday.

Simmons first responds to Cleveland writer Ron Brown after the journalist put him in the #3 spot of people who have done the most damage to their reps during the Cleveland-Detroit Series. Brown wrote that Simmons called James an "overhyped fraud", which he never did, and that Simmons then "fawned over James like a 13-year old girl." Bill easily knocks him down a few pegs with this response....

Sorry, I have to respond to this one. First of all, if Roger can produce anything I've ever written that called him LeBron an "overhyped fraud," I will send him a $200 check to double the salary that the News-Herald is paying him every week. I think he has me confused with Charley Rosen. Second, I love the idea that me "ripping" LeBron gained me national attention ... really? From who? Did I happen to be in a coma at the time?

I'm of course with Bill on this one...hasn't every writer (including those in Cleveland) notes that James loafs through the season, and this HAD to be the Playoffs that he stepped up in? Pretty obvious right???

The thing that strikes me is that Simmons actually took time to respond to a no-name writer in Cleveland. I mean I probably have more credibility than that guy (and that's not saying much). But even more surprising than that is Simmons' response to Colin Cowherd after Shrutebag made fun of his Kobe trade scenarios. Here's the quote...

And if that wasn't bad enough, Cowherd embarrassed himself by not understanding basic NBA trading principles like "it would be valuable for L.A. to swap Vlad Radmanovic's contract for Bobby Sura's expiring contract in a T-Mac/Kobe deal because Sura's contract expires in 2008, which would buy them some cap space down the road."

Look, I know the radio business lends itself to hosts lazily skimming other people's columns and blogs (FYI- AA added the link) ... but seriously, Colin, in the words of Mark Jackson, you're better than that. Your show's on for three hours a day and you get four giant commercial breaks per hour. That leaves you plenty of time to research your segments so you don't come off as misinformed. No offense.

DAGGER! That is just a wicked response. It's nice to know that his "peers" think of him in the same regard that us Bloggers do.

I like this side of you Bill. You've got a new 4-year contract, and you're the Captain of a sinking ship. It's time to start your "airing of greivances" and I'm all for it. But can you do one thing for me....tell the Page 2 editors to change the name of your section. You don't write a Blog you write a Column. It reeks of Page 2 trying to be hip when they change the name.

P.S.- I'm going to unfortunately listen to Shrutebag's show today to see if there's a response. Hey, us journalists have to do stuff we don't like sometime(s). I'm doing it so you don't have to (WOW! AA took Six Silver Bullets for me!!!)

Housecleaning time: Clips, links and e-mail (Page 2: Simmons' Blog)
ESPN's Anthony: Spurs over Cavs (The News Herald)

(P.S.- Thanks to Larry Burns for posting this in the comments and alerting me to the feud)

Update: Here's Cowherd's response.