Showtime has named it's panelists and according to USA Today the only hold over from the HBO edition is Cris Collinsworth....

Longtime Inside analyst Cris Collinsworth, also an NBC and NFL Network analyst, will return. The weekly show, McManus says, might have a fourth analyst or "rotate that seat among recently retired and current players."

Meaning, longtime Inside analyst Dan Marino is out. McManus says Marino will continue as a "key mainstay" in CBS' NFL studio — and did a "terrific job" on HBO, but "we didn't want to just have CBS people. And we wanted a link to the HBO show. It was a tough one, in respect to Dan, to go with Cris."

I've never been the hugest fan of Dan Marino but it's still going to be tough to have the show with out him. Your other parties involved are James Brown taking over hosting duties from Costas and Phil Simms. There is no word on a fourth as of yet but the early word is that they will keep the fourth seat open for current NFL players and retired ones with attachment to the stories they are discussing.

Showtime goes with experience for 'Inside the NFL' lineup (USA Today)

All right, let's get ready, as the Pats will have the ball first this half.

Dan Marino just outdouched everyone by leaving his cell phone on while he was on air, and I'm sure Bill Cowher must have signed on as Billy Volek's agent.

Maroney takes the kickoff out to the 40 yard line for a good field position start. Brady to Moss, dropped. Out to Welker for nine, and Heath Evans gets the first down on the next rush. Maroney gets one yard on 1st down. Luis Castillo and Shaun Phillips get to Brady, taking him down for a three-yard loss on the sack. Brady picked again, this time by Drayton Florence on 3rd down when the ball gets tipped by Donte' Stallworth.

Rivers hits Jackson for one first down, has to throw it away on the next, and then hits Chambers for a spectacular catch on the sidelines. Turner burrows through to a 3rd and 1 on the next couple plays. Some quality Norv Face as Turner gets stuffed for a loss on that 3rd down. Here comes Kaeding again -- kick is up and good, 14-12, Pats.

Settle for less again, that's the Norval credo. Koolaid out to the 30 on the kickoff.

wah-wah-wawawawawawa. Chargers Red-Zone offense, I dub thee anticlimactic. - PM
Classic Norv Turner football. Field Goal Norv. - Hollywood Wags

Koolaid gets a huge hole on the left side for 18 on 1st down. A possible vaunted "halftime adjustment" by Coach Hobo. Time out burned, and Maroney gets nothing on the next carry. Brady to Moss, wide open for his first catch of the day and a 1st down. More construda from Maroney, who picks up another first down on the next play. Laurence goes for five more, picks up four on the carry after that -- may be a first down, not sure -- yes it is; first and goal. Nothing for Maroney on 1st, Brady hits Welker on 2nd down at the 2 yard line -- then Brady is picked again, this time by Antonio Cromartie.

Why Cromartie ran that out of the end zone, I don't know. Michael Turner gets 12 on the first rush.

Why, San Diego, must you keep teasing me? You know you're going to screw it up like every other team! Just do it so I can finish cleaning the house! - Anon

It's never a good idea to listen to Cowher when he talks about coaching in playoff games. It's like getting hooking up advice from Emo Phillips. - Hollywood Wags

Norv will get Rivers to drive down 80 yards only to kick another field goal. Or not, as the third down pass to Brandon Manumaleuna is incomplete. Welker lets the punt roll to the Pats' 37. One short play later, and the third quarter's over -- as are the bets of those of you out there who bet the Over today, I just have a bit riding on the Chargers to cover. Welker busts down the sideline after a quick pass for a first down. Maroney gets a big hole and gashes through (innuendo intended) for 20 yards, juking a couple Chargers on the way. Maroney then follows by taking a screen pass from Brady and laying the smacketh down on Marlon McCree with his shoulder.

Maroney gets a few for a first down, follows up with a yard to the SD 6.

Yeah, Simms. NE goes three-tight (coaches' decision) and the guy responsible for open space is Maroney. Quintessential Awful Announcing. - Ed

TOMMY TO WEL-KAH, TOUCHDOWN. Kick up and good, 21-12, Patriots.

Telling: San Diego is ahead in all major offensive categories save points in this game. The NORV! Effect in action, everyone. Sproles gets whacked at the 16. Rivers to Chambers for a first down across the 30. Marmalard heaves one incomplete on the next play, spikes it down while back in the pocket -- refs say Sproles was close enough to not make it grounding. Jackson gets serious air to catch the Rivers pass at the Pats' 48. Gates gets to the 40 with the catch. Turner rushes for the first.

Who gives a flying fuck about the Buick Invitational? Jim Nantz and CBS, that's who. He lapsed into Masters Mode for a second. Rivers' 2nd down pass is nearly picked by Rodney Harrison after Vince Wilfork gets a hand up to tip it. 3rd and 10 again. Harrison blitzes again and rushes a throw. Still rooting for Harrison to injure Marmalard further. Faulk fair catches the punt at the 12.

And the Oscar for Douchebag in a Melodrama goes toooooo: Philip Rivers!!! - PM

He was trying out for the Italian soccer team with that one earlier.

That Dallas Cowboys Diet Pepsi Max commercial just gets funnier now that they're out of the playoffs.

Tha utter team's kwadderback must go dahwn and he must go dahwn hahd. - jamescraven

Nice alias, Shannon. Maroney rumbles for another first down on the outside. Brady gets sacked hard back to the 16 by Stephen Cooper and Igor Olshansky. Faulk gets seven of those yards back, it'll be third and 11. Brady unloads, and Faulk lays himself out for a great catch -- and manages to roll for the first down. San Diego gets caught in a bad defensive position, and has to burn time out number 2.

Is that LT2 pulling a TO on the sideline? He's got his visor on still, but he hasn't played since the first series. Is it to hide the tears? - B

Like I said, Darth Tomlinson has seen General Turner fail him for the last time. Brady to Faulk AGAIN. Someone put a body on #33! Maroney picks up three.

More shots of Darth Tomlinson, who finds your lack of faith....disturbing. Maroney grabs six more crucial yards for another first down.

Okay, who wants Schottenheimer back in San Diego? - jamescraven

Don't go that far, James. Norval did get SD to the conference championship, which required winning a couple playoff games, which Marty didn't do in the Whale's Vagina. Maroney gets another first down rush for a few yards as the Bolts have completely caved, and that will basically end this fucker right here. 21-12, Patriots, and it's 18-0 for New England, heading to Glendale, Arizona in two weeks!

There will be an open thread for Giants-Packers, again, and I'll be around in the comments there.

Hello folks, S2N here with you for the AFC Championship game, and I'm still having a hard time believing that Jim Nantz is an award-winner of any sort.

Have some fun in comments with the pre-game, and I'll be back for the start of the game.
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Phil Simms is offending all sense of fashion yet again with that shirt and tie. Who picks that out for him?

Jesus, you'd think football players never played in the cold before. Windchills at 0, and....Steve Tasker as a sideline reporter? I'm guessing CBS didn't want to get caught without a sideliner for injury reports again after last week. Gostowski kicks off to Sproles, who's tackled at the 25 -- and here comes Marmalard. LDT gets three on his first carry and two on the second.

Does anyone else find it annoying when announcers say "last year's MVP vs. this year's MVP?" as if Tom Brady and LDT actually square off on the field, literally?

Anyway, incomplete on third down, and Mike Scifres kicks one back....and there's going to be a five yard flag for running into the punter. They'll try it again. Welker fair-catches the next punt at the 27. Brady overthrows Kyle Brady on first down -- no perfection for Tom Terrific. Koolaid Maroney gets only two yards on the 2nd down carry -- and Antonio Gates is going out of the game. Another incompletion, and it's trading 3 and outs.

Ed in comments says the Pats scored 13 of 17 times on first drives. Make that 13 0f 18 now. Sproles gets the punt back somewhere inside the 30 of SD. Rivers hits Chris Chambers for 20 something and they're at the 43. Michael Turner gets 5 to the 49. Going to Chambers again past midfield. Asante Samuel knocks down the pass headed for Vincent Jackson. Short pass to LDT for a yard or two, as Gates is back in the game. Rodney Harrison comes up on the blitz and rushes Rivers into a 3rd and 9 incompletion -- and he just juked LDT, who was trying to pass-block. Kevin Faulk is back for the punt -- fair catch at the 10.

First play is a rush hit behind the line of scrimmage for a loss. Wes Welker makes up that loss on the next play with a catch and the yards after at the 20. Pressure on Brady, hurled downfield, and we've got a flag for illegal contact on Quentin Jammer -- and that one was a legit call past five yards. Maroney gets nothing on the next carry. Brady to Ben Watson for nine, but 3rd and 1 is incomplete after that. We've seen Chris Hanson twice now, very early. Sproles gets it back to the 39 of San Diego.

I FUCKING HATE THIS MCDONALD'S AD. I hate that they're playing the long version of this, with that lame ass song.

Michael Turner gets a first down right off the bat and back to midfield with the rush. He then gets four more on the next carry. Rivers throws a floater out of bounds towards Jackson that hasn't come down yet. Marmalard gets sacked by the former Charger Junior Seau -- plus a holding call on SD, which is declined. Scifres comes out to punt again. Touchback for the Patriots.

Looks like Ted Cottrell watched the film from the Pats-Ravens game. The one where, y'know, they put pressure on Brady. - randomranting

Amazing concept, isn't it? Put pressure on the QB and make them rush their decisions! And, we have tangible results! Quentin Jammer picks Dreamboat right off the bat. Turner rushes for five -- and is brought down with a 15-yard face mask. Chambers ropes in a good catch there to make it first and goal at the 9. Turner gets a yard. 2nd down brings a pass to Lorenzo Neal, which isn't in his vicinity. Rivers hits Chambers in the end zone, but it's called incomplete -- he was out of bounds by plenty. Nate Kaeding on...it's up and through.

Chargers 3, Patriots 0. If this is the SD offense, god help them if the Patriots get it straight on O.

Brady and Co. start at the 35. Welker gets nine on the catch. Brady overthrows Randy Moss for a 3rd and 1. Heath Evans pumbles through for 3 yards and a first down.

Jesus Tapdancing Christ, Nancy Boy. That's an end-around that Moss ran, not a reverse. Simms, you should fucking correct him. Out to Faulk on the screen for four yards, Stallworth for five more to close out the first quarter. Maroney gets that first down with a seven yard run to the outside. First and goal is a short one to Faulk with a touchdown saving tackle by Eric Weddle.

Koolaid Maroney does an "OH YEAH!" and busts through the pile for six. Gostowski's kick is good, 7-3, New England.

Let the running up of the score commence....Sproles brings the kickoff back to the 30. Jackson hauls one in for 15. A "coach's decision" to keep LDT out? Norv Turner has had his first NORV! moment. Jackson nabs another one for 17 yards -- someone will be stupid enough to waste an early fantasy pick on him next season. Turner gets the next two carries and we've got 3rd and 1. Jackson again for 21 at the nine yard line. Rivers rolls out on 2nd down and tries to hit Gates -- and Tedy Bruschi makes a solid defensive play on that one. Rivers hits Chambers -- but Ellis Hobbs just took his legs out from under him, and here comes Kaeding again. His kick is good, 7-6, Patriots.

Again, this is going to look real bad if the Patriots get end zone on this next drive, and to quote PM, the NE O-line got themselves unfucked on the last drive -- so that doesn't bode well.

Nantz is great as lead announcer of the NE broadcast team. - Anon

+1.

Pats starting at the 40. Left Faulk WIDE FUCKING OPEN and he gets 13 yards into Bolts territory. Koolaid takes three tacklers with him for five yards. Welker gets a short catch on the next play. Quentin Jammer knocks down the third down pass to force fourth down, and Dateline NBC is out to punt. Kelley Washington makes a nice special teams play, batting the ball back and it's downed at the 4.

LDT looks like Darth Tomlinson on the sidelines all bundled up. Turner gets seven yards on the first two carries. Sproles gets 4 for the first down. Rivers gets smacked up HARD, threw a rainbow ball, and Asante Samuel beat out Chris Chambers for the ball -- he runs it back a bit, too. Nice hit by Vrabel, and sloppy by Chambers for not keeping position on Samuel.

Brady to Faulk for 13, then Brady to Jabar Gaffney for END ZONE. Extra point good, 14-6, Patriots.

That was promptly followed by a nice Marmalard face and vintage, vintage NORV! Face.

"The Patriots are too good at throwing and catching and getting up the field." - PS, master of the obvious. Sproles gets very little on the first play -- and if I were LDT, I'd be plotting Norval's death in the locker room come halftime. ANOTHER RIVERS PICK, this time via Ellis Hobbs, who fumbles and Samuel falls on it.

Kevin Faulk gets eight yards on some good blocking as NE tries to get all the way for a killer score before the half. Two minute warning.

IBM just showed a clip of Steve Smith making an amazing play for the Panthers. That had to be from last season or something.

Jim Nantz just mentioned that the Giants-Packers game was on Fox. This would not be notable except for the fact that announcers never mention another network. Welker incomplete, punt to Sproles, he's out at the SD 35. Darren Sproles busts one out -- gets about 30+ or so into NE territory, and they're reviewing the play.

"That made sense to you, right?" - Phil
"I've been around you long enough to be able to interpret." - Jim

Accidental truths revealed. Ball stays with SD, Rivers hits Gates for 8. Sproles gets stopped on the pass a yard shy of the first down. Chargers burn the last time out. Rivers rolls and throws out of bounds with no one open. Kaeding on for the FG, and Coach Hobo calls a time out to ice the shite playoff kicker that Kaeding is. Kick is good from 40 yards out, 14-9, Patriots. But the Pats will still get the ball back to start the second half -- job's not done there.

See you in the 2nd half thread, everyone.

The best thing about the Patriots-Jaguars game that will be starting shortly? It saves me from watching "Titanic", the movie best known for holding the world record for most times one character has said another's name in a three hour movie. ("Hold on, Rose. I'll save you, Rose. Rose, you don't have to worry, Rose, because I love you, Rose, and we'll be okay, Rose.") Also, it was the first time I saw Kate Winslet naked, which was nice because I have always found her to be quite attractive.

I have mixed feelings about live-blogging this game. As a Patriots fan, I've endured some major heart attack moments this season - the Colts, Eagles, and Ravens were especially scary. The thing is, those games weren't for all the marbles. If Baltimore hadn't imploded and given away that game, it would have sucked, but the Pats still would have been playing the next week. Same with the Colts, or the Eagles, or the Cowboys. This week, however, it's a one and done in maybe the most pressure-filled divisional playoff game in league history. New England loses, and suddenly they've pulled off one of the biggest chokes we've ever seen (and those Patriots:Yankees comparisons become brutally real). I'm scared.

Add to this the fact that, in my opinion, most Pats fans and some of the media fail to appreciate history, instead choosing to tempt karma and the Football Gods at every turn by proclaiming that there is no way the Patriots can lose this game. Right...and there was no way the Rams could lose Super Bowl XXXVI. Who was their opponent in that game again? My favorite caller to the local radio station was the one who discounted Indianapolis because "they don't win games by a lot of points". You know what? Before the Patriots were accused of running up the score, they were often marked down for failing to blow teams out.

Aw, hell. It'll all be over in about four hours. I'll be back in fifteen or so to get this thing crack-a-lackin. In the meantime, feel free to drop a comment below. (I say we try for an Awul Announcing comments record tonight - something in the 600 range. WHO'S COMING WITH ME!?!?!?!?!?)

Open question while we're waiting for Go-Time: why do people hate the Patriots?

The doctor wanted to take a foot of David Garrard's intestines, and his response was, "It isn't really something I want to do, but I want to get back on the field." That's a man's man, folks.

His kid is cute, too.

I want to have stubble like Tom Brady. My stubble is patchy and poorly trimmed - beards are not my friend. His stubble, on the other hand, could have its own magazine cover.

Brian, I'd have to guess that the Pats hate is part jealousy, part Coach Hobo jackassery, and part despising of Massholes. You've got a World Series winner and a potential NBA finalist in the Celtics. Throw us a bone and suck at something. - Signal to Noise

You think Cleveland fans hate themselves for running Belichick out of town? Jackass or not, the man is a great coach.

If I was starting a drinking game for tonight, "The Patriots defense misses a tackle" would have been "Drink Once", and we all would have been hammered by halftime. Unfortunately, I lack forethought.

And immediately, James Sanders takes offense to my comments and knocks MJD out of bounds to force 4th and 1.

Guess I should've expected that 34-yard fourth down completion, huh?

The Patriots have never allowed a playoff to score on an opening playoff drive....pardon my French, but are you $&#&&@E=MC2 kidding me? The pocket collapses on Garrard, he scrambles, somebody has him in the grasp, and on the way down he heaves it into the end zone to a wide open Matt Jones. Kill me in the face, right now.

For the record: that was an incredible play by Garrard. But the Patriots secondary has to be better than it was on that drive. The fourth-and-one play and the touchdown were way too easy.

I like how Simms jumped all over the possibility of his knee being down. If that was Brady it would have been "Just a TERRIFIC throw by Tom Brady!" - Hardwood Paroxysm

Tom Brady has never made a bad throw. Ever.

Oh, great, a sack on the first play...and a screen to Maroney on the second play. Great call, he had a ton of room to run. First down. Brady back to pass, pulls it down and scrambles for a couple. It's early, but it doesn't look like there are a lot of deep options for him early. Third down, Faulk gets stuck in the whole, loss of one, New England goes for it..Brady across the middle, first down to Randy Moss, and they're playing with a hurry up offense. Sprint to the line, get lined up, then take your time getting the play off is now considered a hurry up.

Kevin Faulk and Laurence Maroney came to play tonight. After they combine to get another first down, Brady completes a short pass to Gaffney, who breaks a tackle and has a first down at the three. And Brady waits, waits, waits, great protection...and he goes up top to Ben Watson for six. And with the kick from Gostkowski, we're all tied up.

New England 7, Jacksonville 7

Kickoff to MJD, short return. There's a hold on Jacksonville, says fourth year referee Jerome Boger. Commercial.

While we have a second, I thought I'd give all you Jacksonville rooters a nice inspirational video to get pumped.



Taylor gets dropped on the first play after the kick. Fortunately, Jacksonville completes the next play for nineteen. Garrard under pressure, moving in the pocket, and the ball is out! Replay shows Ty Warren with the initial hit and Mike Vrabel is there to fall on it! Patriots ball.

Kevin Faulk is like an underappreciated version of Troy Brown, if you can imagine that. He's getting a fair number of touches in this game.

Oh, just in case anyone hasn't noticed: there will be little to no impartiality here. That's the danger of live-blogging a game involving one's favorite team.

As a Cleveland fan, I always wonder where he became good. Because Bill sucked in Cleveland. I hated him when he was Browns coach. - Anonymous

Check out Halberstam's book, "The Education of a Coach". Very interesting look into Belichick's background.

Laurence Maroney needs a nickname.

Earlier, I mentioned the guy who talked ill of the Colts because they don't win by large enough margins. Another caller to the same show declared that the Patriots have the advantage over anybody because Laurence Maroney is the "freshest running back in the league." I'll bet that was Belichick's plan when he sat him down in mid-season.

Maroney, one-yard out, touchdown. Gostkowski do what he do, and I can breathe for awhile.

New England 14, Jacksonville 7

Why am I watching this? I lose either way. Mercury Morris and Tom Brady will both be on ESPN next week no matter the outcome. - Anonymous

It kills me to say this, but I think Tom Brady is fast becoming Derek Jeter, and while I've always respected Jeter as a player, I never really expected him to be on my favorite team, you know?

MJD got some Ryan Grant Syndrome right there, bumbling and fumbling the kickoff before securing it at the five-yard-line. If I could ask him anything right now, I'd ask what it's like to be on the ground, trying to get a handle on the ball, only to look up and see five guys bearing down on you at an incredible rate of speed.

Patriots cornerbacks do not believe in using their arms to make tackles. Every time, it's "duck and hope he hits my shoulder pads." Probably not the best technique.

Jones-Drew recovered the fumble on the kickoff, recovered a fumble for a first down, plowed ahead for a first down, and got wide open to the right for another first down. And again, Asante Samuel declined to actually attempt a reasonable facsimile of a tackle. I accidentally typed "tacklet" the first time I wrote that, and that seems like a fitting name for what they do.

I hate to agree with Nantz and Simms, but it's impossible: this is a solid drive by the Jaguars. They needed to bounce back after the fumble and Patriots touchdown, and they're doing exactly that. Until...a Mr. Pashos moves a wee bit early and pushes the proceedings back five yards.

I'm calling it - touchdown here.

Yeah, I'm good. Nice pass to Ernest Wilford for six. Josh Scobee isn't messing around, and we're tied again.

New England 14, Jacksonville 14

Garrard has thrown touchdowns to Matt Jones (#18) and Wilford (#19). Charles Sharon, Scott Starks, get ready - one of you has an upcoming date with destiny.

Sadly, I just discovered, Charles Sharon is inactive for this game. It's up to you, Starks. I know you're a cornerback, and I don't care. Just make it happen.

Phil Simms just said: "the love to double team big guys" (re: Pats). - Alewife

I just came in to say the same thing "alewife" said. Any time you get Phil Simms enthusiastically talking about how guys love to double team big guys, well, that's the sort of thing this blog exists for. - Oops Pow Surprise

Yes. Yes it is.

I'm a Pats fan and Seymour is overrated. - wumpa

I agree. He's only a five-time Pro Bowler and five-time All-Pro.

Yeah but the Pats D looks REALLY ordinary right now... - wumpa

Unfortunately, I really agree with that comment. They haven't looked right for a few weeks now, maybe since Colvin went down to injury.

Welker in the middle of the field for his first catch tonight. Until now, the plan has called for a healhy dose of Faulk and Maroney, with a hint of Watson. I feel like Belichick is the Russian coach during the Apollo Creed fight in Rocky IV - pretty soon, he's gonna scream something incomprehensible from the sideline and Brady's gonna start completing 50-yard bombs to Randy Moss.

Looks like Maroney is actually running hard tonight. Too often, he dances around and waits for a hole that never really develops. Tonight, he's announcing his presence with authority.

End around to Welker and he cuts it up for a first down. Will someone please get me a line to the Patriots sideline, so I can call Tom Brady and tell him to never, ever throw a block again? Ever?

Ouch. Chop blocks are never cool. What's ironic is that I just read in the aforementioned book by David Halberstam that Belichick always hated chop blocks because he had a college coach who taught the technique. Belichick, a center, ended up getting his leg broken in practice. Interesting.

Oh, Stephen.

"Didn't even sound solid, Jim." - Simms

Thank you for that stunning analysis.

"That's only the second incompletion today for either quarterback." - Nantz

Amazingly, they both belong to Garrard. Brady is 12-for-12 for 120 yards, which gives him a 100% completion percentage and ten yards per attempt. Lots of twos and zeroes, which is interesting for reasons I can't fully explain.

Brady will take a knee and go into the half tied, 14-14. I'm off to order a pizza. Meet you back in the second half thread.

Onto the 2nd Round Folks, and just like we predicted Buck and Aikman to Dallas and Nantz and Simms to New England.

Saturday, January 12

Seattle at Green Bay, 4:30 p.m. (FOX)- Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, Tony Siragusa
Jacksonville at New England, 8 p.m. (CBS)- Jim Nantz, Phil Simms

Sunday, January 13

San Diego at Indy, 1 p.m. (CBS)- Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierdorf
NY Giants at Dallas, 4:30 p.m. (FOX)- Joe Buck, Troy Aikman

Chargers TE Antonio Gates was at a party for some shoe company called Osiris a while back. Now, the Bolts miss him terribly.

"LaDainian Tomlinson has to play better if Philip Rivers is going to win this game." Shannon Sharpe, you have lost your goddamned mind. Tomlinson has to get the ball first before he can do anything with it.

Chargers bring out the ball, but it's brought back due to a block in the back. LDT gets four on the first carry. Rivers hits Chambers for 19 at the 34 yard line. Another big third down pass to Jackson -- who goes down at the Titans 33. That's two consecutive Titans defensive players going down -- first Antoine Odom and now Michael Griffin is down after colliding with Jackson.

"That allowed Rivers to pump down the field" - PS (via SSR)

Sounds dirtier than it actually is. Rivers to Chambers again, but there's a flag -- never mind, offsides on the Titans, and the Chargers are at the 11. Chambers again, this time to the 4. No gain for LDT, and it's third and three from the four. Rivers calls time.

"Their [the Titans'] linemen and linebackers are coming fast forward, downhill." - PS. Is the Titans' D VHS or Beta?

Know how much this game sucks? You all are talking FA Cup in the comments. Not that I blame you. Jackson catches it short of the first down line after the time out. And the crowd is booing HARD as NORV! sends Kaeding out to kick a field goal. Kaeding boots it through, it's now 6-3, Titans. Yawn. By the way, Tomlinson was WIDE OPEN on that pass to Jackson, replays show.

Titans start out, get three yards on a pass to Davis. Body By LenDale gets a few, third down pass is then converted.

If you are sliding around like the dude in this commercial, he doesn't need to worry about deodorant. He just needs to hope his cup works. - Mal

I love those ads. BBL rushes for a couple more on first down. The Good Chris Henry gets stuffed on the next call. VY has to throw it away on third down, and -- yay, another punt -- and Sproles brings it to about the SD 23.

Chargers general manager A.J. Smith got a lengthy contract extension recently. How's that looking right now, Dean Spanos? Rivers to Jackson for 20 plus as LT is still stewing. Tomlinson finally gets a few yards on a swing pass. Gee, Norval realized he can catch the ball too! LT gets a couple more and is tripped up. First down on a short out to LT, who stretches for the spot. Michael Turner gets 3 on his first carry. Albert Haynesworth smacks Rivers up on 2nd down, and there's a flag -- both against Haynesworth for offsides and unnecessary roughness.

Albert you dunce. You stomp on him to make sure he is dead. - SSR

Ouch. Rivers to Jackson, AND WE HAVE END ZONE. FINALLY. Took them long enough. Kick is up and good, 10-6, Chargers.

Tennessee's moving it out, after a first down, Chris Davis runs the reverse and gets hit hard by Quentin Jammer on the tackle. Ahmad Hall gets 11 on third down and they're into the SD red zone at the end of the third. Stalled on three straight unsuccessful plays, and it's Bironas again. 38-yard try is up and...NO GOOD. Rare miss.

Tomlinson is now getting yardage. Not good for the Titans to give up a rushing first down to him for the first time all day. Rivers then overthrows Chambers. He then throws to Manumaleuna, who gets the first down at the 50 yard line. Next play finds Rivers getting hit as soon as he throws; it's incomplete to Jackson. Rivers air mails it to Chambers, who was wide open and gets inside the 10 yard line. Tomlinson just called time out (play clock, Simms explains), and that's weird, because isn't the QB the one who's supposed to see that and know about it?

I have all of you in comments beat on comparing the accidentally porny signs: Midwesterners know of the convenience store called Kum 'N Go. Of course, their equivalent of the Big Gulp is the Big Kummie.

Rivers tosses one away, he was trying to hit Tomlinson. He hits LT on the next play, who bobs and weaves just outside the goal line, and is down. NORV!'s gonna challenge that it was short, and it looks a bit short on replay -- he's gonna lose his last time out on this.

Phil Simms is unconscionably stupid. When Nantz has to correct you on the timeout/challenge situation and you PLAYED THE DAMN GAME, you are a stooge. - PM

Amazing. Simms said Norv could call time out and then throw the flag -- well, you have to throw the flag first. You can't throw the challenge flag if you don't have a time out left. Now, the Bolts are gonna go for it. Give it to LT, morons. Oof. I see premature NORV! Face. Tomlinson....up...over....second push...TOUCHDOWN. Replay shows he had the ball cross the line, but Fisher's gonna challenge it.

Play stands, kick up and good, 17-6, Chargers. NORV! has some cojones. Who knew?

The Good Chris Henry returns the kickoff to the 20 for the Titans. VY throws out of bounds in the direction of Chris Davis. VY gets plowed by the two Sh(au)wn(e)s, and then gets sacked again by Phillips and Luis Castillo. Hentrich punts to Sproles, fair catch at the 47 of SD.

We get old AFL highlights between the Los Angeles Chargers and the Houston Oilers, which has got to piss off Houston people like crazy right now. Michael Turner gets 11 yards on the carry. Tomlinson got the go-ahead touchdown and he still looks pissed. Turner hits the corner for the first down, but there's a flag and it's probably on Vincent Jackson -- yup, holding.

Jesus, we're in the old-school highlight montage and there are 5 minutes or so left in this game. Can this game end soon? Tennessee is trapped deep in its own end, and it's pretty much a hopeless case. Chargers get the ball back by Drayton Florence picking off Vince Young, Marlon McCree causes a 15-yard penalty with a block below the waist, Chargers have it at the Titans 34 or so. More Roger mentions -- two, three drinks will get you caught up.

Dear Jerry Angelo,

Please sign Michael Turner this offseason. - PM

Hah. That's cute. You think the Bears will spend money.

Watch me lie on 60 Minutes, coming up next on CBS - Roger Clemens.

Hey, Rocket, thanks for joining us! OK, we're done here at 17-6, Chargers. This Chargers team is so getting its ass handed to it by Indy next Sunday. Visit Signal to Noise some time, why don't you, and I'll see you all next weekend -- hopefully by then I can deal with the reality that NORV! has won another playoff game, somehow.

Vince Young with his long-time girlfriend, or so said the Big Lead's commenters from the thread where I got this photo.

And if the smug of Joe Buck wasn't enough for you today, we now get to listen to the slobbering of Jim Nantz and the black hole that is Phil Simms. Oof. And Simms is wearing an ugly shirt and tie combination, thus offending the fashion gods.

Did Shannon Sharpe just call them the "Timothy Titans"? - Mal

Emmitt Smith wishes he were as lucid as Shannon.

/Broncos fan

Over/Under on LT knob slobbering by Simms and Nantz in one half? I'll start it at 20. - SSReporters

Announcers don't verbally fellate running backs the way they do QBs. I'll take the under.

Why is Phil Simms dressed like Willy Wonka? - PM

Nantz is his personal Oompa Loompa. These next two are so good they have to go in. You all are on fire today:

If Shannon Sharpe and Emmitt Smith had a conversation:

Shannon: BLUBKEFEFLHBLBUSFUH TITANS LIBELBLEL!!!!

Emmitt: That may be true, but the Timothy, Tenasity, Tennessee Titans have played more better on the defense end than more than many of the other teams in the league. With Hal Aynesworth working that linear of scrimmage, they could be all over the uh....Chargers.

Shannon: BLUBBLFUBFLBU! - SSReporters

I rarely watch pre-game shows, so it's a total surprise to learn that the NFL Today has a GM. Does he worry about salary cap issues and try to make deals?

"CBS's Gus Johnson has been tearing up the minors and should deserve a shot in 2008. Said NFL Today show Charlie Casserly, "We are very close to invoking luxury tax penalties, so unless some of our aging veterans like Enberg and Criqui dont consider restructuring their deals, we may have be forced to disappoint the longtime fans of the NFL Today and let go two men whose contributions to the success of this franchise should be noted." - Gibbon Jockey

I'm still rolling over here. Let me get composed again to try and type properly. Bravo to both of you. I'm pretty sure Shannon is making names up on purpose now, and AA is correct, Eli looks like a complete herb.

Yeah...Mike Wallace interviewing Roger Clemens on 60 Minutes...that'll be some hard hitting journalism. I'd also like to note that Joe Buck announced to us that Dallas safety Roy Williams will be replacing Sean Taylor in the Pro Bowl, and that is a traveshamockery, as Williams has done nothing but suck and break his own rule about horse-collar tackling this season.

Of course, all four analysts picked the Chargers, which seems to be a no-brainer -- until you consider that this is a NORV!-coached team. If you see NORV! Face, drink, by the way.

Let's go over our rules. Drink for:

1) NORV! Face
2) Simms talks about his playing career
3) Nantz talks about the Masters
4) Tomlinson knob-slobbered by either announcer
5) Any Patriots references even though they're not playing
6) Ad for Roger Clemens' 60 Minutes softball interview tonight

I feel obligated to say this every time I live-blog a Chargers game: the powder-blue alternates should be the regular home unis. Dave Raymer kicks off to the non-Bengal Chris Henry, who gets out to the 38 yard line. Isn't it nice to see starting lineups? Hey, Fox, you can do this too -- it doesn't take much time.

That wasn't a formation on first down -- that was backyard football right there, Fucking line everyone up outside and throw. Antonio Cromartie knocks down the 2nd down pass to Justin Gage (who wears #12, that cannot be a coincidence.) Third and 10 -- VY slugs it to Ahmad Hall, on the screen and he gets 16 and a first down.

"Cromartie was in there bangin' hard." - Nantz (via Mal)

Body By LenDale bangs it out on the next two carries for nine yards and VY calls TO in Charger territory. 12 dudes in the huddle gets them a 5 yard penalty for 3rd and 6. VY scrambles for a first down anyway. Gage catches a pass at the 25 -- nice way not to drop it.

SSReporters alerts us to the presence of "Eddie Guns" Hochuli. He should be the ref for every big playoff game. The Titans are still pounding it down low. Ahmad Hall gets stopped by Quentin Jammer for no gain inside the 15. Eric Moulds brings in the VY slingshot at the 12. Shaun Phillips whacks VY on the 3rd down, and Rob Bironas is probably coming on to kick.

"35 field goals is the most made by any kicker this year, including four from 50 yards or more." - Nantz. All this tells me is that the Titans' red zone offense sucks. Kick is up and good, 3-0 Titans, but that lead isn't lasting too long.

Those cheerleaders are going to get soaked in that rain. - Mal

I hope this is an observation and not a complaint. San Diego has some of the hottest cheerleaders in the league. LDT up the middle for 2 yards to start after the kickoff. Rivers fumbles on 2nd down -- no O-line protection there -- and LDT has to fall on it to recover. Short pass to Buster Davis on 3rd down means three and out early. Mike Scifres punts to Chris Davis, who brings it back to about the 42.

Silly me. Talk about the Charger Girls without a link. Sheesh. Here you go. My favorite's Marlina. Yes, despite the fact that her profile says her favorite player is LDT, "because despite his outstanding athletic ability." I'm not looking for a brain here.

Chris Brown up for three yards on the first carry. VY gets pounded again on 2nd down, and his shoulder pad is still hanging out. VY ditches it on third down, and is slow to get up after getting waxed by Igor Olshansky (great, great name for a D-lineman.) Hentrich punts to Sproles, who fair catches at the 23 yard line.

Wow were the Chargers just celebrating VY being hurt? - AA
It sure sounded like the crowd was pretty excited about Vince Young getting hisself concussed. - Gibbon Jockey
You stay classy, San Diego. - PM

And Philip hasn't even started jawing yet. Rivers to Chambers for 5 yards, but it's canceled by a chop block on the O-lineman on Albert Haynesworth, who showed great restraint by not stomping his ass to the curb this year. Three yards on the next play for SD. Rivers then overthrows Antonio Gates, which is tough because Gates is 6'5". You really have to try hard to throw it over his head. 3rd and 18 to Brandon Manumaleuna, and he only gets nine. Here comes Scifres -- punts it 60+ yards and it's only returned for 8.

I will always cherish the image of MJD pwning Merriman this season. Classic. - PM

I know I put that video in last night's live blog, but let's watch that again.



Never gets old. Ever. Body By LenDale picks up the first down on 3rd and 1. VY hits Troupe across midfield for another 1st. Another rush for a couple more inside. BBL hits for seven more on the next play and is near the first down marker. Titans O-line is owning SD's defense on run blocking right now -- Ahmad Hall picks up the 1st down easily.

I really hated Saliva (the band) before everyone started using that dumbass song "Ladies and Gentlemen" in their promos, so that was agonizing.

Chris Brown gets four to start the second quarter on the ground. Another rush gets five more, then BBL gets the first down and more. He powers some more for 1 yard, and it's 2nd and 9 at the Chargers' 12. "Ball's out! -- ball pops into the air," says Nantz, and Shaun Phillips recovers the Chris Brown fumble.

I wish the wolf in this Jeep "Rock Me Gently" ad would eat everyone rather than sing along. Apparently some of you were expecting a Chris Brown fumble like Giants fans expect Eli picks.

"The hustle by Shawne Merriman -- and the fact that he's really big -- leads to the fumble." - PS. Yeah, no mention of Gigantosaurus' roiding. Rivers to Gates for the Bolts' first 1st down of the day. LDT carries for a couple, and a flag is picked up -- no penalty. Mention of Clemens interview tonight -- DRINK!

Rivers side-arms to Chambers for 30 yards over the top at the Titans 40.

"Chris Chambers has made a difference since he's been here." - PS. Ow, ow, ow. Stop hurting my brain. Yes, having a competent receiver will make a difference.

It's like someone has to remind NORV! a few minutes into every game that he has the best running back and the best tight end in the league. - Hanrahan

After that first down, a stuffed run and two incomplete passes by Rivers are going to bring Scifres back out again. We'd like to remind NORV! that LDT can catch the ball on a screen or two. Scifres pooches it to the Titans. BBL rushes for two, and then loses four by slipping on the screen pass yet still catching the ball. Chris Davis is knocked out before the first down marker -- oh, now they're calling it incomplete. Hentrich comes on.

Donnie Nickey just saved a really big return there because Darren Sproles looked like he was about to break it if he hadn't been tackled at the Titans 42.

Phil Rivers goes throwgasm on us -- and is struck by the luck of the Black Irish, as Cortland Finnegan picks him off in the end zone, getting position on Chris Chambers.

Ooh...Little Philip's getting pissy with his fellow players.

S2N,

Obviously, Merriman has only received injections of lidocaine and B-12.

Sincerely,
Roger Clemens

p.s.: Remember the children! - PM

+1 to you. Apparently no one on either side of the ball is capable of catching it when they are on offense. Can someone tell me that these aren't NFC teams we're watching? Hentrich punts to Sproles, ball back at midfield again. LDT gets three on the carry. Vanden Bosch nearly sacks Rivers again on 2nd down.

"Vanden Bosch wasn't quite able to finish him off." - JN. FATALITY!

Rivers hits Vincent Jackson, who goes to the Titans 26. Gates loses a yard on the short pass, and takes some time getting up. He's back on the ground.

Rivers is so weak....he could be Eli 2.0. - AA
This is how bad Eli and Rivers have been: they were traded for one another, and no one can really decide who got screwed on that deal. - PM

At least Eli's now won a playoff game. PM also advises us that Nantz pimped the Masters, everyone sip your tasty beverage. Rivers airs it out to Chambers after Gates gets carted off, and it's knocked away in the end zone by Michael Griffin. Good play by Griffin. Kicker Nate Kaeding is on for a 44 yarder -- and it's no good. That was a wounded duck.

CBS seems to cover the NFL a HELLUVA lot better than FOX because they only need 2 people talking during the game, not the 4 FOX gives us, or the 5 ESPN gives us. - SSReporters

Nantz and Simms suck up all the air time. Who could get a word in edgewise, anyway? I suppose it's better in a sense, but still....

Anyway, the Titans are working it down the field, and we have some NORV! Face looking down and dour in his cap. SLAINTE!!!

I agree with SSR on this one: Young's throwing motion is nice, if side-armed, it's what you expect from a 6'5" guy who was probably taller than most of the people he was throwing to. He had to adjust it somehow. I just hate this because it reads like Tennessee is looking to get just close enough for Bironas to kick a field goal, and that's boring as hell.

Unless NORV! is scribbling "give the ball to Tomlinson more" on his note pad, it's not gonna help him. Bironas' 44-yarder is good, and we'll go to the half 6-0, Titans. Blech. See you in the next thread.

Look we all know how good they are. We've seen them play all season long, and god knows they don't need motivation. Tom Brady is an amazing Quarterback and if I had to choose someone to start my franchise with I'd pick him over Peyton Manning in a heartbeat. With that said, Jim Nantz and Phil Simms' coverage of yesterday's game was some of the most biased I've ever seen.

Let's start with Nantz. The normally straight laced Play by Player was almost giddy when Brady would go back to pass. During the Flea Flicker-Fumble it sounded like he was leaping out of the booth. Now I know that's an exciting play, but on a similar call when Big Ben hit Davenport on a wheel route, Nantz almost seemed disappointed. Jim even got verbally upset at the end of the game when Simms brought up Anthony Smith's comments. The Lead almost went as far as calling him an idiot in a "don't pick on MY Brady!" sort of way. He seemed offended that someone would trash talk the QB while showing video of Brady yawing at Smith after the Pats first TD.

Now for Phil Simms. In plays which occurred about five minutes apart from each other Simms bashed Roethlisberger for overthrowing a receiver and praised Tom Brady for doing the exact same thing. Brady threw high to Randy Moss in the endzone and Simms went even so far as to analyze the throw saying it was perfect. The analyst blamed Moss for not hauling in the "high heater" as he called it. Later in the quarter Big Ben threw high to Nate Washington and after the receiver dropped his second pass in a row Simms analyzed Ben's throw by saying it got away from him.

These were just two examples and again we get how good the Patriots are, but Brady is not perfect. The Steelers put pressure on him early and forced him into some pretty tough throws in the first half. He had to throw it away multiple times and missed on some hot routes throughout the game.

I understand that the Patriots are a huge ratings boom for CBS, and will continue to be throughout the season, but this was just a ridiculous display of pandering to the almighty Tom Brady. It was the biggest display of such behavior outside of every Brett Favre game covered by John Madden.

For more on this and other Monday thoughts head over to The Sporting Blog for my Weekend in Review.

What is the deal with all of these people going on Soap Operas? Mark Schlereth, Stephen A. Smith, and the Brewers are a few of the more recent ones. Well now you can add an announcer and former Super Bowl MVP to that list....

That's right Giants' Fans your Super Bowl XXI Hero......Phillip Martin Simms!

Phil Simms, former quarterback for the New York Giants and analyst on "NFL on CBS," will make a guest appearance as himself on AS THE WORLD TURNS, Monday, Oct. 8 (check local listings) on the CBS Television Network. Katie (Terri Colombino) and Brad (Austin Peck) bring Simms to surprise J.J. (Daniel Manche) at WOAK, Oakdale's television station.

Oooh sounds kooky, but I think Stephen A. Smith's role as a cop will go down as being better than Phil Simms playing himself on ATWT.

(Source: CBS Press Release)

Think again.....

CBS will air the Pro Bowl for the first time in 35 years this Saturday, and it will be a grand ole' time!

Your Announcers....

The Booth: Three man team....Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierdorf, and Phil Simms
The Sideline: One man...one mouth.....Shannon Sharpe

NOOOOOOOOOOO! On SBL they asked me what my ideal team to call the Super Bowl would be.....well this would be the opposite. I couldn't pick a worse team if my life depended on it.

Shannon Sharpe on the sidelines should be fun right? Him interviewing Belichick at halftime would be awesome.

Sharpe: Flabbity Flab Flab Flab Flabbiddy Flab
Belichick: (silence)
Sharpe: Flab.........Flabbers........Flab Flab Flab
Belichick: I think both teams played hard.
Sharpe: Flab....thaflabnks coach.....flabbers

Good lord...I'm writing checks my body can't cash these days. I say I'm going to be back to regular posting, and what happens??? My Internet access is lost for a half a day. Let's make this quick because I'm sure you sick of the Super Bowl talk (plus I need to get back to Tiki Barber updates).

What the "Others" are saying (quotes from Sports Biz Daily):













Richard Sandomir, who yesterday complained about the lack of crowd shots on CBS’ Super Bowl telecast, notes CBS “said that the weather caused so much condensation on its camera lenses that it used whatever cameras were not fogged or misted over to show the game.” CBS showed fans four times and crowd shots twice. CBS Sports VP/Communications LeslieAnne Wade: “It wasn’t a philosophical thing, but it was what was going on with the cameras.” But Sandomir writes the wet cameras “should not have prevented CBS from providing a couple of looks at weather radar ... or forecasts of when the rain might end”- NY Times

Bill Taaffe writes while CBS studio analyst Boomer Esiason “made cogent points,” Shannon Sharpe “runs his motormouth in a monotone and it’s next to impossible to focus on what he’s saying.” Game callers Jim Nantz and Phil Simms had a “somewhat uneven performance”- Las Vegas Review

Leonard Shapiro writes CBS "took a safe and mostly sound approach to its entire Super Bowl production." But many of the stories in CBS's pregame coverage "were rather predictable and none of them exactly broke much new ground." CBS "simply chose to ignore some of the biggest stories of the week in its Sunday coverage"- Washington Post

There were some small glitches. CBS missed a live snap in the third quarter. The announcers didn't seem sure where Bears ace kick returner Devin Hester was positioned on a second-quarter Indianapolis Colts kickoff. And CBS lost audio in a live pregame talk with Chicago's Brian Urlacher. And CBS didn't predict all the rain. Said Nantz in the second quarter: "I failed meteorology school." (Said Simms: "You would have given the teacher an apple and changed the grade.")

Before the kickoff, CBS didn't fumble — or turn in any amazing plays. Super Bowl pregame shows can't really unearth anything terribly new anyway given how much all things Super Bowl have been chewed over.- USA Today
___________________

And that was really just the start of the bad reviews......

I think the overall feeling is that CBS' coverage was very underwhelming. Phil Simms yelled for no apparent reason because the crowd was silent the entire game. Jim Nantz almost seemed bored with the whole thing. I don't even remember seeing Sam Ryan or Lesley Visser. And I only saw Wilcots and Tasker once.

The two things about the broadcast that I noticed the most were A) Almost Zero crowd shots, and B) No discussion of the weather.

Sure it was raining but it's the damn Super Bowl. I'm sure Bears fans were going crazy in the stands, but there were absolutely no shots of them at all. The weather thing blew my mind though. Nantz even said on the missed extra point that Hunter Smith "mis-handled the snap". Yes he "mis-handled" it, but do you think it might have been because of the torrential downpour?!?!

Overall it was a pretty boring Super Bowl, and CBS didn't help.















Grades:

Jim Nantz- C-
Phil Simms- D+
Solomon Wilcots- C
Steve Tasker- C
Sam Ryan- Incomplete
Lesley Visser- Incomplete
Pregame- B-
Halftime Show- Umm....didn't watch.

"There's not enough time! There's never enough time!!!"- Jesse Spano



Sorry to steal a quote from The Big Lead, but that's exactly how I feel today. I'm running out of good weekday readers, and I teetering on the edge of the cliff dive of weekenders (I love you weekend readers don't get me wrong). Either way I'm glad to provide you with the latest....albeit short.....installment of Super Bowl XXXXI previews (seriously what's wrong with 4 Xs?).

For the ultra-hip radio version click Awful Announcing's Brian Powell

Special thanks to the Rockstar Jamie at SBL for letting me pollute the airwaves and make Martha Quinn jokes (P.S.- That is my birth name, but please still call me AA.....I like the whole anonymous Superhero thing. Think of me like Max Power.).
__________________________________

Jim "Nancy" Nantz

To tell you the truth.....I can't find anything wrong with the guy (trust me...I've tried). He's a family man, wishes his dad was around to see him to his first Super Bowl, gives a kid his tie after every broadcast (true story), and can do every event from the craziness of the Final Four to the subtle drones of the Masters......"A tradition unlike any other".

He has a propensity to use the word "guys" too much, but other than that he's solid.

Current Grade: A

Phil "Cavemanateur" Simms

In between shooting Geico commercials and saving Autistic children (a very noble thing) Phil is an average broadcaster. I hated Phil when he worked with Greg Gumbel, but he's grown on me a bit. He has great analysis during the game, but he's one of those "I played the game, so you don't see what I see" guys. That gets pretty damn annoying, and you'll probably get some chatter about Super Bowl XXI.

Current Grade: C+
____________________________

So love em' or hate em' you'll have them for a good 3-4 hours on Sunday. I might be lurking around the Ebays on Saturday and Sunday, but I'll be gone Monday. The string of calling out of work the day after the Super Bowl is over, and I will be in an all day meeting (trying not to sleep).

Enjoy the game if I don't talk to you before noon on Sunday, and the AA official pick is Bears +7.

More videos....YAY! This is from last Saturday's SNL, and while it's not very funny (in fact it sucks) I feel obligated to post it. Jeremy Piven (who will be all over the sports world soon with some TNT All-Star Game commercials) is Jim Nantz and the "Hey Babe!" Guy is Phil Simms. Enjoy....if you enjoy SNL and things that suck.



Nancy's actual response, "Man, there is a resemblance...I finally found my long lost twin."

"Piven has always been one of my favorite guys - I've rooted for him as an actor since he gave that great best-man speech in `Serendipity.' His character in that movie talking a mile a minute reminded me of the many high-intensity folks I work with in television. All in all I was honored, and hopefully I can track down Jeremy and say thanks."

Seren-F'ing-Dipity Jim? Come on.

Nantz's Wish: To hug it out with actor Piven (Daily News)