AFC Championship Live Blog: Chargers @ Patriots, 2nd Half

Sunday, January 20, 2008

All right, let's get ready, as the Pats will have the ball first this half.

Dan Marino just outdouched everyone by leaving his cell phone on while he was on air, and I'm sure Bill Cowher must have signed on as Billy Volek's agent.

Maroney takes the kickoff out to the 40 yard line for a good field position start. Brady to Moss, dropped. Out to Welker for nine, and Heath Evans gets the first down on the next rush. Maroney gets one yard on 1st down. Luis Castillo and Shaun Phillips get to Brady, taking him down for a three-yard loss on the sack. Brady picked again, this time by Drayton Florence on 3rd down when the ball gets tipped by Donte' Stallworth.

Rivers hits Jackson for one first down, has to throw it away on the next, and then hits Chambers for a spectacular catch on the sidelines. Turner burrows through to a 3rd and 1 on the next couple plays. Some quality Norv Face as Turner gets stuffed for a loss on that 3rd down. Here comes Kaeding again -- kick is up and good, 14-12, Pats.

Settle for less again, that's the Norval credo. Koolaid out to the 30 on the kickoff.

wah-wah-wawawawawawa. Chargers Red-Zone offense, I dub thee anticlimactic. - PM
Classic Norv Turner football. Field Goal Norv. - Hollywood Wags

Koolaid gets a huge hole on the left side for 18 on 1st down. A possible vaunted "halftime adjustment" by Coach Hobo. Time out burned, and Maroney gets nothing on the next carry. Brady to Moss, wide open for his first catch of the day and a 1st down. More construda from Maroney, who picks up another first down on the next play. Laurence goes for five more, picks up four on the carry after that -- may be a first down, not sure -- yes it is; first and goal. Nothing for Maroney on 1st, Brady hits Welker on 2nd down at the 2 yard line -- then Brady is picked again, this time by Antonio Cromartie.

Why Cromartie ran that out of the end zone, I don't know. Michael Turner gets 12 on the first rush.

Why, San Diego, must you keep teasing me? You know you're going to screw it up like every other team! Just do it so I can finish cleaning the house! - Anon

It's never a good idea to listen to Cowher when he talks about coaching in playoff games. It's like getting hooking up advice from Emo Phillips. - Hollywood Wags

Norv will get Rivers to drive down 80 yards only to kick another field goal. Or not, as the third down pass to Brandon Manumaleuna is incomplete. Welker lets the punt roll to the Pats' 37. One short play later, and the third quarter's over -- as are the bets of those of you out there who bet the Over today, I just have a bit riding on the Chargers to cover. Welker busts down the sideline after a quick pass for a first down. Maroney gets a big hole and gashes through (innuendo intended) for 20 yards, juking a couple Chargers on the way. Maroney then follows by taking a screen pass from Brady and laying the smacketh down on Marlon McCree with his shoulder.

Maroney gets a few for a first down, follows up with a yard to the SD 6.

Yeah, Simms. NE goes three-tight (coaches' decision) and the guy responsible for open space is Maroney. Quintessential Awful Announcing. - Ed

TOMMY TO WEL-KAH, TOUCHDOWN. Kick up and good, 21-12, Patriots.

Telling: San Diego is ahead in all major offensive categories save points in this game. The NORV! Effect in action, everyone. Sproles gets whacked at the 16. Rivers to Chambers for a first down across the 30. Marmalard heaves one incomplete on the next play, spikes it down while back in the pocket -- refs say Sproles was close enough to not make it grounding. Jackson gets serious air to catch the Rivers pass at the Pats' 48. Gates gets to the 40 with the catch. Turner rushes for the first.

Who gives a flying fuck about the Buick Invitational? Jim Nantz and CBS, that's who. He lapsed into Masters Mode for a second. Rivers' 2nd down pass is nearly picked by Rodney Harrison after Vince Wilfork gets a hand up to tip it. 3rd and 10 again. Harrison blitzes again and rushes a throw. Still rooting for Harrison to injure Marmalard further. Faulk fair catches the punt at the 12.

And the Oscar for Douchebag in a Melodrama goes toooooo: Philip Rivers!!! - PM

He was trying out for the Italian soccer team with that one earlier.

That Dallas Cowboys Diet Pepsi Max commercial just gets funnier now that they're out of the playoffs.

Tha utter team's kwadderback must go dahwn and he must go dahwn hahd. - jamescraven

Nice alias, Shannon. Maroney rumbles for another first down on the outside. Brady gets sacked hard back to the 16 by Stephen Cooper and Igor Olshansky. Faulk gets seven of those yards back, it'll be third and 11. Brady unloads, and Faulk lays himself out for a great catch -- and manages to roll for the first down. San Diego gets caught in a bad defensive position, and has to burn time out number 2.

Is that LT2 pulling a TO on the sideline? He's got his visor on still, but he hasn't played since the first series. Is it to hide the tears? - B

Like I said, Darth Tomlinson has seen General Turner fail him for the last time. Brady to Faulk AGAIN. Someone put a body on #33! Maroney picks up three.

More shots of Darth Tomlinson, who finds your lack of faith....disturbing. Maroney grabs six more crucial yards for another first down.

Okay, who wants Schottenheimer back in San Diego? - jamescraven

Don't go that far, James. Norval did get SD to the conference championship, which required winning a couple playoff games, which Marty didn't do in the Whale's Vagina. Maroney gets another first down rush for a few yards as the Bolts have completely caved, and that will basically end this fucker right here. 21-12, Patriots, and it's 18-0 for New England, heading to Glendale, Arizona in two weeks!

There will be an open thread for Giants-Packers, again, and I'll be around in the comments there.

99 Comments:

"3rd Quarter coming up on CS" - Jim Nantz

At least that is how I heard it.

ssreporters said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:49:00 PM  

S2N likes my gigantic 13 inch cock shoved in his ass.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:49:00 PM  

Why would you accost his donkey like that, anon?

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:50:00 PM  

That was a great Simpsons episode. I loved how they labeled all the athletes for the wives who were watching after the Super Bowl who had no clue who they were.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:51:00 PM  

Because I was finished fucking you Ed.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:52:00 PM  

LDT not going to return. He's gotta be hurt. No way NORV! is that stupid.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:53:00 PM  

You had the best, anon, why go for the rest?

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:53:00 PM  

Ed, my cock broke your mother in half.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:55:00 PM  

Man, the Chargers are good at tip drills.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:56:00 PM  

Nantz had to slip off his Brady kneepads to make the interception call (loved that he sounded SHOCKED)

Rob said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:56:00 PM  

Yay, the Patriots screwed up. Now let's watch the Chargers go 3 and out and rip my heart out like so many other teams have.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:57:00 PM  

Was that before or after you split Brady's uprights with it?

Hollywood Wags said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:57:00 PM  

I like the T-mobile ringtone during the Sprint halftime show. Good job, Marino, you douche.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:57:00 PM  

What a catch by Chambers! Sweet feet.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:59:00 PM  

What's Belichick's challenge record? So many coaches would have challenged that just because they were ticked off. His has to be ridiculously high.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:59:00 PM  

Here we go. Bolts inside the 10. Gotta get 6 this time.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 4:59:00 PM  

Here we go. Bolts inside the 10. Gotta get 6 this time.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:00:00 PM  

Phil Simms is obviously still bitter about Jeff Hostettler leading his team to the Super Bowl.

J.J. said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:00:00 PM  

sorry for the double post.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:00:00 PM  

Is this 4 down territory?

Nantz is awesome

Rob said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:03:00 PM  

Classic Norv Turner football.

Field Goal Norv.

Hollywood Wags said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:04:00 PM  

Hey Jim, the next time Tiger backs off a putt, I defy you to ask why he took a personal time out.

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:05:00 PM  

wah-wah-wawawawawawa. Chargers Red-Zone offense, I dub thee anticlimactic.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:05:00 PM  

Where is Neal at FB? They havent mentioned him not in the game. They missed him there big time

Richard said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:06:00 PM  

pm, I prefer to use the "The Price Is Right" music to describe the Bolts. You know. The one they play when the guy loses the Hummer by 100 dollars.

J.J. said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:06:00 PM  

Wind has abated but a placeholder is required? WTF?

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:07:00 PM  

@j.j.

LMAO. Perfect.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:08:00 PM  

Both teams burning a TO early. That will cost them

Richard said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:10:00 PM  

I was going to use the "Oliver is a jinx" music from The Brady Bunch, but that might be too old a reference for a lot of people.

J.J. said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:11:00 PM  

Brady had to take the TO. One of the guys in the bunch wasn't up on the LOS. He was yelling "You're illegal!", but apparently the message didn't get through.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:12:00 PM  

I laughed when Marino's phone went off because it was the T-Mobile ringer. Funny, considering it was on the Sprint Halftime Show set. I think CBS might be sending Dan a little memo about his cell phone choice.

Kevin said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:12:00 PM  

SD taking Cowher to heart. Leave Moss open. He won't beat you. Stupid is as stupid does.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:13:00 PM  

Nice arm tackling SD

F*CK

Rob said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:14:00 PM  

Kool-Aid is taking begul shitz on the SD defense this drive.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:15:00 PM  

None of this would have happened if some little bastard hadn't shot Steve Foley in the ass!!!

Hollywood Wags said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:16:00 PM  

Tom looks very unhappy and Nantz nearly had a heart attack announcing that pick

Rob said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:18:00 PM  

Why, San Diego, must you keep teasing me? You know you're going to screw it up like every other team! Just do it so I can finish cleaning the house!

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:18:00 PM  

It's never a good idea to listen to Cowher when he talks about coaching in playoff games.

It's like getting hooking up advice from Emo Phillips.

Hollywood Wags said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:18:00 PM  

This is starting to look a lot like that Giants/49ers NFC championship in 1990 (?) when the Giants couldn't score a touchdown and still won.

J.J. said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:18:00 PM  

Really stupid of Cromartie to run that out. Rivers is completely immobile today and you know NORV! is going to try and throw out of the end zone now. Safety coming in 5,4, 3, 2..

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:18:00 PM  

Nantz, choke on it, you goobery douchebag.

Have a beer to cry in in that new CBS restaurant, cockgobbler.

Hollywood Wags said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:19:00 PM  

"It's never a good idea to listen to Cowher when he talks about coaching in playoff games.

It's like getting hooking up advice from Emo Phillips."

+1 to hollywood wags!

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:19:00 PM  

Simms is a liar. Welker was NOT double covered. The safety was playing zone. He did not move.

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:20:00 PM  

Since did this become the Playboy.com online blog? With all that talk with the sexual slang, I thought I was watching "Dennis Miller Live" before someone (Bill Orally?) gave him the potion that made Miller unfunny.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:20:00 PM  

@ ed:

Too true. Simms, for a former QB is really bad at breaking down defenses during telecasts.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:21:00 PM  

Ed, Simms is just covering young Mr. Brady

The Pats D stepped up nicely

Rob said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:22:00 PM  

Oh, and j.j., the reason Jeff Hosteltter was the quarterback in SB XXV was because Simms was injured earlier in the season. Next time, get your damn facts straight before taking a rip at somebody. Oh, yeah, Simms has the ring to prove it.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:23:00 PM  

Did Nantz say that Scifres "can let fly some big ones?" I wasn't really paying attention.

J.J. said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:23:00 PM  

"He won't to go far to change sides."

I'm sure that played into his decision-making process, Nantzy.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:25:00 PM  

Christ, who is calling the Charger's plays in the red zone, Woody Freakin Hayes?

MAD AS BATS said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:25:00 PM  

Ringo Starr. You know how old he is? He's 206 and has performed in four consecutive centuries.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:25:00 PM  

@j.j--

Yes. Yes he did. I almost shat myself laughing.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:25:00 PM  

I know he was injured. But he's sounding awful defensive defending a quarterback who can't get the ball in the end zone.

And one of the reason why some people want Rivers out of there is because he not 100 percent and playing while injured.

J.J. said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:26:00 PM  

Jamescraven - next time you watch the Cromartie interception, watch the Charger safety end up doubling the TE instead of Welker.

An injury isn't Simms' fault. Lying is.

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:26:00 PM  

At mad at bats: Marty Schottenheimer's calling those red zone plays!

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:26:00 PM  

@j.j.

I meant the crack about Scifres

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:29:00 PM  

Oh, snap! That was a helmet-to-helmet crack.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:29:00 PM  

Yeah, Simms. NE goes three-tight (coaches' decision) and the guy responsible for open space is Maroney.

Quintessential Awful Announcing.

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:29:00 PM  

Maroney blasted Hart. What a collision. I heard one time that playing in an NFL game is like getting in 5 car accidents in one day.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:31:00 PM  

For more on the injury to Phil Simms that ended his season before Super Bowl XXV:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1990_New_York_Giants_season

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:32:00 PM  

Dagger. NORV! now needs 3 more quarters to kick 3 more field goals just to tie.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:33:00 PM  

Where'd thay getv that referee's shirt, Foot Locker?

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:34:00 PM  

They should've had Gerry Austin star in that commercial.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:34:00 PM  

Or Ed Hockaloogie.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:36:00 PM  

@jamescraven:

Hochuli is a solid game official; Austin, OTOH, is an incompetent bumbler that makes people question the integrity of the league whenever he's involved in big game.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:37:00 PM  

That's fucking grounding.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:38:00 PM  

Yeah, pm, all in good, but did you see the referee number on the Foot Locker pocket? Same as Mr. Hockaloogie.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:38:00 PM  

And the Oscar for Douchebag in a Melodrama goes toooooo: Philip Rivers!!!

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:40:00 PM  

Does anyoen remember Ben Drieth's "He was givin' him the business" line from decades ago?

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:41:00 PM  

Tha utter team's kwadderback must go dahwn and he must go dahwn hahd.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:42:00 PM  

Whoooo! Harrison just decked Rivers. Another sputtering, impotent drive by the limpdick SD offense.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:42:00 PM  

A tongue bath like none other, Jim Nantz.

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:43:00 PM  

And now we all know why the Cowboys lost. They called THAT play!

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:43:00 PM  

The SD defense has collapsed against the run this half. They are getting owned at the LOS and failing to make tackles on the outside.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:45:00 PM  

If the Bolts keep blitzing, they're going to give a big play...

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:46:00 PM  

Oh, my!

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:47:00 PM  

Yea James I remember Drieth. That douche cost New England a Super Bowl in 1977 with a phantom roughing the passer call against the Raiders.

(Yes I am old)

stephen said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:47:00 PM  

If he caught that, it's an amazing catch.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:47:00 PM  

You have to wonder how much longer Norv will be coaching the Chargers after benching LT. The phone lines will be burning up at Jim Rome's studio manana.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:48:00 PM  

Is that LT2 pulling a TO on the sideline? He's got his visor on still, but he hasn't played since the first series. Is it to hide the tears?

- b said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:48:00 PM  

With that time out, Ol' Rupert just jizzed a bit.

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:49:00 PM  

This game blows. I hope Packers-Giants is double amazing to make up for this boring crap.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:49:00 PM  

Steven, they paid back with interest in 2002 with the tuck rule call.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:49:00 PM  

Was Stallworth playing by himself for a minute there? That was a really weird first move.

pm said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:51:00 PM  

Stalworth with a classic Patriot play from 1970. Catch it, go backwards. Then, go out of bounds.

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:51:00 PM  

That could very well be the dagger to the Chargers' hearts.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:51:00 PM  

James,it took 25 years but I'll take it.

stephen said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:52:00 PM  

Okay, who wants Schottenheimer back in San Diego?

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:54:00 PM  

Our old friend, the Pony who now works at ESPN on ABC, Craig James.

Nice move, Nantzyboy!

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:55:00 PM  

Hey CBS? How 'bout we get a gander at Brady's QB rating? Surely it would be anomalous and thereby interesting.

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:57:00 PM  

"check your local listings" is code for "the game is on Fox, not CBS."

odessasteps said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:58:00 PM  

For all you Charger fans the NFL network is showing the making of the Charger cheerleader calender

stephen said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:58:00 PM  

Now it's getting desperate for CBS for the writers' strike. They have to turn to a snatized version of a Showtime series.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 5:59:00 PM  

Sterling Sharpe with the pregame stat of the century - average points in a game with 10 degree temp - 34. A tad warmer, but lookey here - 33 points in this game.

Ed said...
Jan 20, 2008, 6:00:00 PM  

And now, one more game to go for the Pats to go 19-0.

JamesCraven said...
Jan 20, 2008, 6:00:00 PM  

Patriots 2007-08**********

That's how they will be remembered by everyone except the douchebags in Boston.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 6:00:00 PM  

Get your Patriots caps quick! Man.. they got those there fast.

Anonymous said...
Jan 20, 2008, 6:03:00 PM  

I'll live blog the game happily S2N.

ssreporters said...
Jan 20, 2008, 6:08:00 PM  

Found a cool video on the 'Superbowl Radio Row', go check it out.

http://www.boston.tv/clips/631741639.html

Tiffany said...
Feb 1, 2008, 11:06:00 AM  

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