Sunday, January 20, 2008
All right, let's get ready, as the Pats will have the ball first this half.
Dan Marino just outdouched everyone by leaving his cell phone on while he was on air, and I'm sure Bill Cowher must have signed on as Billy Volek's agent.
Maroney takes the kickoff out to the 40 yard line for a good field position start. Brady to Moss, dropped. Out to Welker for nine, and Heath Evans gets the first down on the next rush. Maroney gets one yard on 1st down. Luis Castillo and Shaun Phillips get to Brady, taking him down for a three-yard loss on the sack. Brady picked again, this time by Drayton Florence on 3rd down when the ball gets tipped by Donte' Stallworth.
Rivers hits Jackson for one first down, has to throw it away on the next, and then hits Chambers for a spectacular catch on the sidelines. Turner burrows through to a 3rd and 1 on the next couple plays. Some quality Norv Face as Turner gets stuffed for a loss on that 3rd down. Here comes Kaeding again -- kick is up and good, 14-12, Pats.
Settle for less again, that's the Norval credo. Koolaid out to the 30 on the kickoff.
wah-wah-wawawawawawa. Chargers Red-Zone offense, I dub thee anticlimactic. - PM
Classic Norv Turner football. Field Goal Norv. - Hollywood Wags
Koolaid gets a huge hole on the left side for 18 on 1st down. A possible vaunted "halftime adjustment" by Coach Hobo. Time out burned, and Maroney gets nothing on the next carry. Brady to Moss, wide open for his first catch of the day and a 1st down. More construda from Maroney, who picks up another first down on the next play. Laurence goes for five more, picks up four on the carry after that -- may be a first down, not sure -- yes it is; first and goal. Nothing for Maroney on 1st, Brady hits Welker on 2nd down at the 2 yard line -- then Brady is picked again, this time by Antonio Cromartie.
Why Cromartie ran that out of the end zone, I don't know. Michael Turner gets 12 on the first rush.
Why, San Diego, must you keep teasing me? You know you're going to screw it up like every other team! Just do it so I can finish cleaning the house! - Anon
It's never a good idea to listen to Cowher when he talks about coaching in playoff games. It's like getting hooking up advice from Emo Phillips. - Hollywood Wags
Norv will get Rivers to drive down 80 yards only to kick another field goal. Or not, as the third down pass to Brandon Manumaleuna is incomplete. Welker lets the punt roll to the Pats' 37. One short play later, and the third quarter's over -- as are the bets of those of you out there who bet the Over today, I just have a bit riding on the Chargers to cover. Welker busts down the sideline after a quick pass for a first down. Maroney gets a big hole and gashes through (innuendo intended) for 20 yards, juking a couple Chargers on the way. Maroney then follows by taking a screen pass from Brady and laying the smacketh down on Marlon McCree with his shoulder.
Maroney gets a few for a first down, follows up with a yard to the SD 6.
Yeah, Simms. NE goes three-tight (coaches' decision) and the guy responsible for open space is Maroney. Quintessential Awful Announcing. - Ed
TOMMY TO WEL-KAH, TOUCHDOWN. Kick up and good, 21-12, Patriots.
Telling: San Diego is ahead in all major offensive categories save points in this game. The NORV! Effect in action, everyone. Sproles gets whacked at the 16. Rivers to Chambers for a first down across the 30. Marmalard heaves one incomplete on the next play, spikes it down while back in the pocket -- refs say Sproles was close enough to not make it grounding. Jackson gets serious air to catch the Rivers pass at the Pats' 48. Gates gets to the 40 with the catch. Turner rushes for the first.
Who gives a flying fuck about the Buick Invitational? Jim Nantz and CBS, that's who. He lapsed into Masters Mode for a second. Rivers' 2nd down pass is nearly picked by Rodney Harrison after Vince Wilfork gets a hand up to tip it. 3rd and 10 again. Harrison blitzes again and rushes a throw. Still rooting for Harrison to injure Marmalard further. Faulk fair catches the punt at the 12.
And the Oscar for Douchebag in a Melodrama goes toooooo: Philip Rivers!!! - PM
He was trying out for the Italian soccer team with that one earlier.
That Dallas Cowboys Diet Pepsi Max commercial just gets funnier now that they're out of the playoffs.
Tha utter team's kwadderback must go dahwn and he must go dahwn hahd. - jamescraven
Nice alias, Shannon. Maroney rumbles for another first down on the outside. Brady gets sacked hard back to the 16 by Stephen Cooper and Igor Olshansky. Faulk gets seven of those yards back, it'll be third and 11. Brady unloads, and Faulk lays himself out for a great catch -- and manages to roll for the first down. San Diego gets caught in a bad defensive position, and has to burn time out number 2.
Is that LT2 pulling a TO on the sideline? He's got his visor on still, but he hasn't played since the first series. Is it to hide the tears? - B
Like I said, Darth Tomlinson has seen General Turner fail him for the last time. Brady to Faulk AGAIN. Someone put a body on #33! Maroney picks up three.
More shots of Darth Tomlinson, who finds your lack of faith....disturbing. Maroney grabs six more crucial yards for another first down.
Okay, who wants Schottenheimer back in San Diego? - jamescraven
Don't go that far, James. Norval did get SD to the conference championship, which required winning a couple playoff games, which Marty didn't do in the Whale's Vagina. Maroney gets another first down rush for a few yards as the Bolts have completely caved, and that will basically end this fucker right here. 21-12, Patriots, and it's 18-0 for New England, heading to Glendale, Arizona in two weeks!
There will be an open thread for Giants-Packers, again, and I'll be around in the comments there.