Would you shut up Phil? You one won game of beer pong out of 10 and you're STILL bragging about it....

Would you shut up Phil? You won one game of beer pong out of 10 and you're STILL bragging about it....

Man, my knee hurts so bad I can barely squat and put pressure on it with my hand.

I thought Ryan Leaf wore number 16

Watch this, I'm such a badass I can shit on my own team and they'll love me for it.

Damn, I can't decide which knee it will be that I pretend to hurt so Volek can win us this game.

I'm telling you, there is another fan making fun of me across the field, I know it! As soon as this game is over I'm gonna run straight over there and be a giant chotchbag to him too!

Rivers: Hey guys, Manning's choke job looks worse if you hunch over like this.

Rivers is simply stretching and preparing for what New England is gonna do to his ass next week.

"C'mon LaDanian, push a little more, a little more....JACKPOT"

If I keep standing like this, maybe Mack Brown will give me an assistant coaching job after I'm run out of the league.

Rivers assumes the position as Norv prepares to kiss his ass.

Is that Jessica Simpson over there? I can't tell, but I like her.

No, it's just Jeff Saturday.

I'm ready, Satan, for whatever it takes to beat a Manning.

If I get low enough maybe Norv won't see me and think I'm the one coming up big in crunch time instead of Billy Volek.

nothing beats KSK's take with the photo

"That's it. Time to pull out the sideline eyes. You and me, Colts. Staredown city. You ready for the laserface? Here comes the laserface! No time to back down. Aaaaaaaaaaaand GO!"

I really hope Jay Cutler didn't see me get pulled.

"ya put your right foot in, ya put your right foot out..."

Rivers "comes out." Asks entire team to pull a "train" on him.

"They think I'm bad, wait till they see how bad Eli chokes tonight, O wait..."

"At least I've already had a better career than Sean Salisbury"

Maybe Eli is better than me, maybe Len Pasquarelli was right....nah.

"What checkered shirt should I wear for my press conference?"

Rivers is anticipating the Pats game and getting hit from behind by Randall Gay.

Mr. Rivers prepares to squeeze out a Cleveland steamer which he will then fling at that mouthy bastard in the third row...

Indy fans, I fart in your general direction!

Maybe I won't be able to see the NORV face from down here!

I hope this unintentionally homoerotic position I am in will distract everyone from how terribly I'm going to play next week.

Let's play a game called "Touch Your Knees If You Got Hurt Eventhough No One Touched You"

Phillip Rivers is a douchebag.

And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!

"My knee is fine, I just have to take a huge dump"

"Wait for it.... waaaiiittt for iiiitt... and.... Nadjeh Davenport! Someone get me a clothes basket, quick!"

"Yep, Dana Jacobson just threw up again"

On the sidelines, Rivers finally relieves the internal pressure of his huge ego by removing his thumb from his anus.
However, his face continues to be puckered.

"I love Red Rover! I just know the other team will want to send me over!!"

"Man I hope Jamal Williams will use lube this time"

Everyone with dignity and class, stand up straight.

"Be gentle with me, Antonio."

PA announcer: "if you are not a douchebag, please stand up"

You call that number 2? THIS IS A NUMBER 2!

C'mon, Phil, man, remember... Don't touch the ball if it bounces this way. Don't touch the ball if it bounces this way.

Phil and LT are getting ready for 2 Chargers 1 Cup...

If I get eye level with Bob Sanders, then I can REALLY tell him what a bitch he is.

"Looks like we're going to win this game. What am I going to say next game? Donte Ballsworth? No. Tom Gaydy? Eh, close. Ooh! Junior Gayeau! Nailed it..."

Rectum? We'll probably kill him.

Actually, Rivers left the game because of a sh*t injury.