"I swear, nobody told me we would be flying over New York."

"Oh yeah, thank God for everything in my life."

Yes, all of my kids can be on this airplane at the same time.

Y'all gotta give me that one.

No, I will not bring Brenda on here because we can't have kids anymore.

I will only talk to FOX News because I only believe what they say.

No, I am not Harry Stamper.

The media asks Kurt Warner what it was like to actually MEET Jesus.

I always thought there would be a black president before I rode on Air Force One.....oh wait

KW: "No I didn't kiss Joe Biden! That was my wife!"

We are continuing our high-level diplomatic discussions with Arizona State University and hope to come to an agreement that works for both sides

Kurt: What? Yes, yes I ordered Air Force One to fly over the World Trade Center.

Wait! No ... no! It wasn't my way of getting back at the New York Giants for releasing me in 2005 ... honest.

Kurt: "Barack's right: Andy Katz gives the best foot rubs."

I met with you're President. He seemed like a nice man but God says I can only recognize someone he appoints...such as George Bush. Long live that lushious moron!

Of course I'm excited to meet Harrison Ford.

I never would have guessed by his eloquent speeches, but in private, President Obama sounds a lot like ESPN's Stuart Scott... with all the 'Off da hizzy' and 'What's good baby' stuff. Frankly, I just wish the meeting had been more productive. I could barely understand that guy. I've never been a fan of the younger generation's 'Jive Talkin'.

Why are you guys on me? Sasha and Malia put me up to it. I didn't fumble on the controls like I do on the field, at least. *smiles*

The President gave me a humanitarian award for throwing the ball directly to Steelers linebacker James Harrison in Super Bowl XLIII. He said, 'Good lookin-out for the brothers, Kurt!' I'm a regular-old white guy, so I'm not sure what he's talking about.

The first thing I learned about President Obama? Well uhm... this is embarrassing, but you know how those rap songs use the N-word a lot? Long story short, President Obama is not a fan of the N-word. I just wish someone had told me beforehand... and I'm really sorry.

So I says to him, THANK YOU JESUSSSS!

And you know what he says back? He says YOU'RE WELCOME KURT!!!

It was pretty cool, they're right, Jesus is black.

In this picture, we see a large, slow-moving object that scared the hell out of some people when last sighted in New York.

Behind him is Air Force One.

You'll have to speak up, I have a jet engine in my left ear.

Kurt Warner(in his head): You know the president's over there right. Jesus the Fox NEws people are really retarted.

"Yes we flew over McNabb's house. And no, I did not drop a bomb on it."

I'm just here to learn the tenents of National Socialism...

"Now I want you all to apologize to me. You said the Arizona Cardinals had about as good a chance of making the Super Bowl as a black man did of being elected president."

"Well... that depends on your definition of the word "is." And remember, Jesus loves you!"

What do you mean that wasn't Rod Tidwell I spent the weekend with?

I underestimated just how much "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" they watch in the White House these days.

Most surprising thing about this weekend? Definitely when I was introduced to Barack, and I learned that his real name is Rick James, and that I'm a female dog.

After a day of fruitful negotiations, I'm proud to say that my wife Brenda has signed on to play Hillary Clinton in the Obama movie.

kurt's hair is so stiff that not even a jet engine's flow can ruffle it. take THAT mel kiper!!

"That is how I feel - if you want to see Kurt Warner, invite me when I do win the Super Bowl. As far as I'm concerned, he would've invited Pittsburgh if they had lost."

Nick:
L-U-S-C-I-O-U-S, "moron."

"Because they, too, couldn't be run much worse, Obama told me the government is buying the Lions. He told me to watch out for him in the secondary."