You do not want to make Tom Brady angry. You will not like him when he's angry. Yesterday the Golden Boy laid into the NFL-N for comments that Sterling Sharpe made about backup Pats QB, Matt Cassel. Sharpe and Marshall Faulk were pretty critical of Cassel in his last game against the Bucs, but neither said anything that out of line. The most I can gather is that Sharpe said that the Patriots shouldn't be “too comfortable” with their backup QB.

Well that angered Brady and he had this to say on WEEI yesterday. Via The Boston Herald....

“Watching Matt (Sunday) night, hearing all the criticism, I don’t even know where that was coming from,” he said. “That was so far from what I was watching. The quarterback has a lot of responsibility out there. I thought Matt was making good decisions. He was really decisive with his throws. Was every throw perfect? No. But that doesn’t happen so often anyway.

“I see Matt every day in practice and the improvement he makes. I love what I see in Matt. I have a lot of confidence in Matt . . . for the three guys sitting in the booth, I thought it was unfair to criticize the way they were criticizing, because I don’t think they really knew what was happening.”

Now I know that Brady has to stick up for his friend and teammate, but let's be honest here....Faulk will be a HOFer and Sharpe would have been if not for injuries. I think they're pretty qualified to say if a QB is having a bad day. With Brady himself being injured, it's also a pretty good point to raise in a preseason game.

Cassel himself responded himself after the "criticism" and had this to say: "It’s interesting to me because those guys were in the same shoes at one point in their career, and they should understand how hard it is to go out there and perform each and every week.”

Now I didn't hear the conversation firsthand, but if you're seriously that defensive about a random announcer's comments in the freaking preseason, maybe the NFL isn't the place for you. This whole "The World is against us" routine the Patriots try to pull off every single week is getting old. And good for Sterling, he's standing by his assessment....

“It looked as though the passing offense made a change, as a confidence-building thing with some of the throws for Matt,” Sharpe said. “I could be way off on that. Maybe I missed the boat, and if so, I apologize. But from a player’s perspective, I’m looking at it like, he’s already been in the situation for three years now and he’s in a quarterback battle with a rookie and a guy without much experience? If he’s in a battle, you’d expect him to win it. . . . This was his opportunity to separate himself from the other guys. He has to show why he is the No. 2 guy in New England. So I put more pressure on Matt to perform than I did (Kevin) O’Connell. You bet I did.”

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to announcing, and if a player stinks, I don't want an announcer holding anything back. With ESPN and CBS kissing the Pats collective ass whenever they can, it's great to hear someone take a stand. Bravo Sterling.

Sterling Sharpe’s words for Matt Cassel defended (Boston Herald)

The video game world is abuzz today with the release of some of the rankings for Madden 2009. The early indications are that Madden did a pretty good job with the team rankings but the QB ones are a little jacked up. First the teams via Shutdown Corner...


Everything looks pretty good, but there's no way the Vikings should be a 90. I'll let the Eagles be ranked higher than the Skins but not the Vikings. Especially when Washington hung 32 on the team when they could have locked up a Playoff spot. Anywho, homerism aside those look pretty spot on. Now onto the QBs via Sports Gamer (click for larger view).....


Okay, a few quick thoughts here. Rex Grossman has an 84 in accuracy?!?! That's news to me. Also, Chad Pennington has an 82 in arm strength? He must be only allowed to throw 10 yard outs in the game. Other than that....Derek Anderson seems to have been shafted a bit and Tom Brady is officially the best quarterback, and Tavaris Jackson is the worst the game has ever seen.

Madden '09 likes the Patriots, but not Tarvaris Jackson (Shutdown Corner)
Madden 09: Quarterback Ratings (Sports Gamer)

It's not often that the star athletes that ESPN usually panders to calls them out, but I submit to you one Thomas Edward Brady Jr. Brady was on WEEI's Big Show yesterday to promote a charity event when the hosts decided to throw some Spygate questions at the Patriots QB. Here's his response....

"That's the way guys make it. They say the craziest things. I think that's what, that's what, that's what ESPN has become. ESPN to me is like MTV without the...without the highlights."- Tom Brady

Well then. You'd think that when arguably the best QB in the game says you're turning into MTV someone would listen, but I'm sure ESPN will just laugh this one off. It's tough for an entity like ESPN to please everyone (lord knows they try), but when a Sport's biggest player (on and off the field) isn't a fan of your network....you might be in trouble.

Tom Brady: not a big fan of ESPN or the Jets (Small White Ball)

There's a hilarious story out of Boston today. Apparently Law & Order SVU modeled a character after Tom Brady and get this.....the character was the prime suspect in a gay murder!

Here are the similarities: A pro football player who wears No. 12 (Check!), has a cleft chin (Check!), date a supermodel galpal (Check!), plays in a red-and-blue stadium (Check!), and is “the best quarterback in football” (Enh...debatable, but Check!). Now for the rest of the story via the Boston Herald.....

Anyway, the QB ends up getting arrested and convicted for the crime - even though someone else did it - but who cares about any of that? We’re still trying to get over the image of the faux Brady in the faux Gillette Stadium being questioned by the faux detectives during practice. We damn near fell off the couch!

We rang up team spokesguy Stacey James, who was shocked - shocked! - at the “SVU” storyline, which, as you know, is usually “ripped from the headlines.” But James declined comment.

A spokeswoman for NBC, which airs the show created by Dick Wolf, who grew up in New York - but, oddly, went to high school at Bill Belichick’s alma mater, Phillips Academy in Andover - also had little to say.

“NBC has no comment,” said Amanda Ruisi. “L & O is fiction.”

They even call the fake Gisele a beard at one point. How f'ing funny is that! If you look even more into the whole thing you can point to the fact that the show takes place in New York City and could be yet another jab to their good friends to the North.

‘SVU’ closet case slams close to home (Boston Herald)

Of course Tom handled this like he does everything else and even told the chica she was beautiful. He's such a catch....

"I got a few Mrs. Bradys in my life."- Tom Brady

I'm pretty sure he meant his mom and girlfriend, but there's a couple different ways to view that comment. Good stuff.

I don't think that I've ever had the pleasure of watching Media Day live before in my life. You always hear a collection of the crazyiness later in the day, but watching it live is draining my soul. Highlights so far.

1. Sal Pal will not play your silly games Tonight Show and Kelli Pickler (Via MDS at Fanhouse)

I found it fairly amusing when she (Pickler) approached ESPN's Sal Paolantonio, who looked like he was about as interested in talking to her as he was in getting a root canal. Paolantonio was one of the few members of the media who treated media day as though it was an opportunity to do some actual work, and he refused to talk to Pickler when she tried to ask him about having media credentials. Instead, Paolantonio pointed to Philadelphia Inquirer reporter Bob Ford and said, "Bob will play along." He did.

2. The Crazy Spanish lady who asked Tom Brady to marry her (Via NJ.com)

Ines Gomez Mont, a reporter for TV Azteca, came to Media Day at University of Phoenix Stadium intent on asking one question: Will you marry me, Tom Brady?

Sporting a cropped wedding dress and veil, she shouted her proposal from a mob of reporters. Brady's response? "What's your name?" (Video coming shortly)

3. Plaxico Burress' Glasses....



4. Deion being on-air and letting others jump in front of him to ask Brandon Jacobs questions.

5. Michael Strahan singing Alicia Keys.

6. Rich Eisen calling Jeff Feagles an "OG"

7. Plax busting on New England's.....well as he called it...."Pep Rally".

"I didn't know they had pep rallies in Professional Sports. I thought I left that in High School."- PB (Comment of the day)

(I'll update as things move along....the Giants are on the field now and it seems like most of the Media members have left the building after the Pats were through)

I know that in all likely hood that these babies are going to be flying off the shelves after February 3rd, but here's the best part about this fabulous 19-0 t-shirt.....you can purchase it in time for the Super Bowl!

19-0.org has produced unique t-shirts to commemorate the National Champions of Professional Football. These t-shirts are Premium Quality Hanes and Fruit of the Loom 50/50 Heavyweight 5.4 oz. T-Shirts (50% cotton helps reduce skrinkage). We have built this site to allow you the opportunity to voice your opinion about your favorite team in New England. They sure do give a new meaning to “patriots”. Get your 19-0 supporting t-shirt now and wear it with pride. Show everyone that you are a “patriot” too!

Just think how awesome it would be to show your friends how much of a fan you are with this thing! I mean Giants Fans will love you for your honesty (they knew they didn't have a shot anyway) and Pats fans will love you for NOT jinxing their team.

If only it came in pink....
No way! And it looks like I could wear it as a nightgown too. That's the balls. I'm so buying one of these and praying for a Giants win.

19-0 Shirts, Wear It When It Happens (19-0.org)

Do you see this? I can't even begin to describe how terrible this picture is for New England fans. I mean do you see those roses? Doesn't Tom know that white roses mean that you're saying that you're just friends?!?! Giselle is going to be devastated.

How is he going to be able to concentrate these upcoming two weeks? I mean this is almost a "Jessica Simpson" level distraction. How can Tommy even preapare with......what's that? Ohhhh!!!!!!!!!


Brady spotted in what appears to be walking boot (Boston.com)

Here's the Tom Brady/Brady Bunch piece on Countdown if you missed it. Kind of humorous kind of cheesy.

S2N will be here for a live-blog and then an open thread will be up for the late game. Have a great day and enjoy the last "real" Football games of the year before we get the American Idolized SuperBowl in two weeks.

I know people have been saying this all year, but seriously the Patriots don't need any help. Well now they have their bulletin board material. Sure they have DL Paul Spicer revisiting his "they cheated" comments from earlier in the season (what is he supposed to do back off of them?), but now they have the Jags organization posting this on their Team website.

Check out the Jags' power rankings page and take special note of the little asterisk by the Pats.....


It's hilarious but also a very very dumb idea......just ask Anthony Smith.

Jags Power Rankings (Jaguars.com)

(Thanks to reader Brett for sending this along)

Here we are folks....Week 17 and we get to witness a shot at history. Unfortunately that history has to involve Bryant Gumbel, but what are you going to do?

Where: Giants Stadium
When: 8pm, NFL-N/CBS/NBC
Why: Perfection
How: Bill Belichick in the Study with a Video Camera
Spread: New England -14, O/U 47
Weather: Partly Cloudy, Low 33 Degrees, Winds 5-10 mph

Sorry folks......something has come up and I'm going to have to be away from the computer for this game. I'm leaving this up as an open thread for the night and hopefully you can leave some gems for me in the comments. I apologize for bailing it's necessary.

Cheers and have a good night (if there's a C4 News Team member that wants to pick up the slack I'll be forever in your debt).
----------

....As you wish. S2N here. I'll be picking up about the first half or so (watching on the NBC affiliate) before I'm scheduled to go watch UFC 79 at a friend's house. Right now I am finishing the utter crap-fest that is the Liberty Bowl; I can't believe someone actually scored an offensive touchdown.

Here are your impromptu drinking game rules for tonight:
1) One shot or sip for every airing of the "Eli Manning: UNSTOPPABLE" ad
2) One shot or sip for every Brady-to-Moss pass
3) Finish your drink if Brady and/or Moss break the TD records they are gunning for tonight (each needs two touchdowns)
4) One shot or sip per Eli fumble or INT
5) Chug your drink for any mention or visual of Jared Lorenzen and scream your favorite J-Load nickname (mine is the Round Mound of Touchdown)
6) One shot or sip for every three Gumbel miscues (if we assign one a shot we're never getting through this)
7) Three sips for Manning Face.
8) One sip for mentions of Wes Welker's stature.
9) Chug for a Patriots punt.

Any other suggestions are welcome in comments.

When I hear Bryant Gumbel on the play-by-play for a football game, I feel like I should be watching a documentary on some arcane subject in history rather than a sporting event. The voice does not match the profession AT ALL. He's like the fourth Chipmunk.

There is some audio foolishness under the national anthem, as if they forgot that it wasn't time to play ads during the anthem. It sounds like Idina Menzel (thanks Mookie for naming her) is singing into an oil drum or some form of tape delay -- the whole anthem sounded like a producer spliced recording tape and flipped it back upon itself. The Giants Stadium PA either stinks or the crew was not plugged into it for the TV broadcast.

Gostowski kicks to Domenik Hixon, he returns it out. Rush to Jacobs for five yards. Eli goes all throwgasm to Burress and he leaps, making an outstanding catch inside the Pats 20. Incomplete to the non-Carolina Steve Smith. Coughlin's using his challenge on that incompletion call, and Collinsworth is right to call him out on it. The nice thing about the NFL telecast is that Collinsworth does know what he's talking about, more often than not. If only they can get Professor Gumbel out of the damn booth....

Brady Quinn is now doing ads for EAS supplements. Amazing what you can get in ad revenue without having done a damn thing on the field yet.

Of course, Coughlin loses the challenge for the exact reasons that Collinsworth outlined.

Saying Gumbel is the fourth Chipmunk is an insult to Alvin, Simon and Theodore...who have a much more impressive body of work. - sportsattitude

Noted. Manning hits Burress, who gets a 1st and goal at Ellis Hobbs' expense, and Collinsworth tells us that Asante Samuel does not play that side because they don't flip corners. Archaic, isn't it? Ball at the eight. Jacobs gets nothing.

"Eli Manning remains a work in progress at quarterback." - BG

I can't stand Gumbel...but I couldn't have said it any better myself. - Hanrahan

Gumbel does have a tendency to make smart statements of the obvious that others won't. Witness the "Upshaw's Leash" statement on Real Sports from 2006.

TOUCHDOWN GIANTS. Manning to Brandon Jacobs on the short pass. Kick is up and good, 7-0, G-men.

"What does Scooby-Doo say?" - CC
"Ruh-roh!" - CC and BG in unison.

What's the ruling on the number of drinks taken for bad Scooby Doo impressions? - hsplaybyplayman

Chug to forget that two grown men even did that on national television. Tynes kicks off to Hobbs and takes it back to the 25 yard line. Here comes the Golden Boy. Brady to Moss for a first down, everyone drink! Brady to WES WEL-KAH across midfield for another first down. Oh -- anything about Wes Welker's height = 1 drink.

Koolaid Maroney gets stuffed on first down. Bryant Gumbel likes to say "stoned" a lot. I'm sure he used to smoke weed, or at least do nitrous. Benjamin Watson drops a 2nd down pass, and it's third and long. Kevin Faulk is short on the screen, and of course the Hobo is going for it on fourth down. Brady to Moss, 1st down, SLAINTE! Brady to Welker for another first, and Tommy's new neckbeard is bringing back the passing power.

1st at the 21, Maroney got zip. Brady tosses an incomplete to avoid an Osi Umenyiora hit.

"The Patriots are accustomed of having success on their opening drives this year." - BG. Um, yeah. It's not just the opening drives, really.

3rd and 8 brings an overthrow of Randy Moss, and Belichick brings on the FG team. Kick is up, good, and it's 7-3, Giants.

Domenik Hixon gets stuffed at the 20 on the kickoff, and here comes Eli again -- but before, we get the first salvo ad against Time Warner, Cablevision, and Charter (my cable provider) by the NFL Network. Jacobs gets not much again, and even less on 2nd down. Amani Toomer drops a pass from Eli that hit him right in the chest. On, Giants punt team and Jeff Feagles -- boots it to Wes Welker, who gets back to midfield.

I'm pretty sure Cris Collinsworth called NFL.com's stats or some such "the tool." Why, I don't know.

Collinsworth calls the NFL Network "the tool". I thought "the tool" was the guy he was calling the game next to. - hsplaybyplayman

+1 to you. Brady throws the first down pass away, and Kavika Mitchell is apparently out with a knee injury -- doubt #1 for the "play your starters" for the Giants for this game. No one can run today -- Maroney stuffed for another loss. Brady gets pounded on 3rd and long for the sack, but a flag in the secondary -- illegal contact on the Giants, and that's an automatic first down. Brady rifles it to Donte Stallworth for another first down. Tom then hits WEL-KAH for a catch and some serious yards post-catch, displaying a rare Randy Moss block. Kevin Faulk can't rush for jack, but he gets the pass on the blown coverage for another first down....uh oh, Randy is down on the field and hurt. Got some helmet to helmet from Gibril Wilson. He's walking off.

End of the first quarter. I'm gonna finish this drive with you, but I just got a phone call to go be social -- so after this one, I'm out and it becomes an open thread again.

Brady to Moss -- TOUCHDOWN, PATRIOTS! Randy breaks Jerry Rice's single-season TD record, Brady ties Peyton's TD pass record, Pats own the NFL scoring record. Kick is up and good, 10-7, Pats.

Have fun, folks. I'll see you around tomorrow, and we'll collect the best announcing BS.

Um...that 15-yard penalty didn't help, as Domenik Hixon takes it to the house on the kickoff! 14-10, Giants.

Now, seriously, I'm out.

If I told you a network was devoting 65 hours of coverage to the Patriots you would swear that it was ESPN right? Well I'm sure they'll come up with something after the NFL Network announced that they'll be dedicating over 2 entire days to the Patriots-Giants game this Saturday....

Are you ready for this?

Following are highlights of NFL Network's Patriots-Giants coverage:

» A record six-hour Total Access pregame show, beginning Saturday at 2 p.m. ET.
» Pregame talent includes Rich Eisen, Steve Mariucci, Deion Sanders, Marshall Faulk, Adam Schefter and Scott Hanson on location, with Fran Charles, Jamie Dukes, Rod Woodson, Jim Mora and Terrell Davis from NFL Network studios. Sterling Sharpe and Brian Baldinger host Playbook segments, and Mike Mayock has a sit-down interview with Bill Belichick.
» NFL Classics encore showings of six of the Patriots' victories -- complete games featuring the original network telecast.
» NFL Replay shows seven of the team's victories -- including late-season close calls against Baltimore and Philadelphia and the three most-watched games of the NFL season against Dallas, Indianapolis and Pittsburgh.
» A special one-hour Who Is ..., discussing Who Is Perfect?
» A special one-hour edition of Playbook featuring Patriots-Giants matchups.
» Live coverage of Patriots press conferences all week.
» A special countdown clock popping up in all NFL Network programming, counting down to the game kickoff. It will appear approximately 1,200 times prior to kickoff.

The 65.5 hours of coverage is in addition to game previews, analysis and interviews on NFL Total Access, Point After, and Put Up Your Dukes.

Six ENTIRE games? Umm....wow. I don't know what you say to that. I guess the fact that no one gets your channel doesn't stop you from throwing money down the drain. Hell they even named this event "The Path to Perfection" (I'm feeling queasy already).

There's a video up that asks the question..."Who is the Pats biggest threat?" I think it's obvious that it's Heath Evans.

NFL Network to spend inordinate amount of time on a game that means nothing, so much (Construda)
All Roads Lead To Patriots-Giants (NFL Network)

P.S.- Sorry for using the same photo again but it seemed necessary.

God things were going so well for the Ravens. They were running all over the Pats and scoring TDs...multiple TDs! They were in such a groove Brian Billick was blowing kisses at Rodney Harrison....

A Boller pick set New England on its Merry way, but the Baltimore D was there. They stopped the Pats on 4th Down not once, but twice. On the first stop Baltimore's coaches called a timeout before the play. The players looked just gassed, but they came back and stopped them again! But there was a false start penalty on New England that gave them room, and then it happened.

Flag, completion, completion, Flag, Incomplete, Extremely Questionable Flag (I take it back...it was definitely holding), Juggled Touchdown, Review, Upheld, Hail Mary Caught, Down at the Two.

I'll have video up of the last few minutes, but I think Tony Kornheiser said it best at the beginning of the telecast. Every Dynasty needs people to love them and a lot more to hate them and even though I hate the Ravens I've never rooted for a Football Team harder outside of the Redskins before. And I for sure the hell hate the Patriots, but hell they stepped up when they had to.

At least now that ass Mercury Morris can sweat things out for a few weeks (more on him tomorrow). Man that was just agonizing.

Update: Here are the last few moments in case you missed them.....

Yeah yeah yeah....Erin Andrews won Playboy's Sexiest Sportscaster Award. Like we didn't see that coming. You know what we didn't see coming? Tom Brady winning Esquire's annual Sexiest Woman Alive contest. I'm not kidding. Via The Detroit Free Press....

Esquire is looking for input on its 2008 Sexiest Woman Alive guessing game, asking readers to e-mail sexiest@esquire.com on the proposed candidates, including "Jessica Alba, Salma Hayek, Adriana Lima, Tom Brady and Beyonce." Yes, they really had Brady in there. We're going to write in Brett Favre.

Nice! I implore you to email in and request that Tom Brady wins this thing. I mean with past winner like Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson he's a shoe-in right?

Vote early vote often folks!

Morning Line (Detroit Free Press)

(P.S.- I'm going to be out of pocket for most of this morning but I'll see everyone later in the day with some more ground breaking news like this!)

posted by OMDQ


My entry in the Awful Announcing NFL Pick 'em League is only a few points off the lead, so I'm doing my best to think through the selections each week and not get too crazy with the picks. Every Sunday, however, there are at least one or two point spreads that make me consider my choice carefully.


This week, despite ample evidence that going against them was sheer folly, I felt that way about taking the Patriots at -17.5. In my mind, there was substantial risk involved.


"They don't play well in Miami," I thought. "It could be a trap game."


Um, no. Turns out, I'm kind of an idiot. 42-7, five touchdowns for Tom Brady, two TD catches for Randy Moss...in the first half. I knew they were good - great even - but I never expected this.


The truly remarkable aspect of the game has been Brady, who appears to be auditioning for a leading role in the sequel to Big Daddy Drew's classic ode to Rex Grossman. Twice today, Randy Moss has been double covered down the field. Twice, Brady has looked downfield, surveyed the situation, and said, "Hell, only two defenders? I can make that throw." And twice, Moss has come down with the ball.


It'll be interesting to see what happens in the second half, if Belichick decides to throw Brady out there to pad the stats some more or if they play it like we did during blowouts in high school and let everyone play a different position. I'm especially excited to see Lonie Paxton play quarterback.


Photo: Boston.com

We're back again for yet another fabulous night of live-blog mania as the 3-0 Pats take on the 1-2 Bengals.

Here's what you need to know.....

Spread: New England -9, O/U 54.5

Stadium: Paul Brown, Cincinnati

Weather: 72 Degrees and Sunny

I'll be kicking this off at around 8:15 so I'll see you then, and don't forget Extra P is live-blogging the Padres-Rockies game airing on TBS. Should be a fun night....hope you can join in.

One Game Playoff Live Blog: San Diego at Colorado

Leave your predictions in the comments.

After a GQ piece on Tom Brady......

"Let's just talk Football where Tom is VERY stylish."- Chris Berman

I don't know where else to put this, but on SportsCenter, they have that god-awful studio team with the Parcells and the Keyshawn, y'know. I forget what it's called. It wasn't any good to begin with, but then Tuna said something that shattered a nation's brain. In reference to the quarterback situation in Chicago, Parcells said, "they can't just dial 1-800-QUARTERBACK. Kyle Orton is the last Mohican in the barrel." It's either an incredibly esoteric reference to Bernard Malamud or the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life.- Oops Pow Surprise

Hahahaha. That is so random.

Hey our first Bruce Springsteen song of the night. It's a song called Radio Nowhere.....kind like where that single will be come tomorrow. Hey Yo!!! Start this game already!!!

"That Brady GQ segment was horrible...way to give the genius that is zoolander a bad name"- Noce

Amen. "I've got the black lung Noce!"

OH MY GOD..........I'M NOT KIDDING WHEN I TYPE THIS QUOTE.............

"Patriots Too Much Offense, Too Much Defense, Too Much of an all-around better Golf Club....Ball Club."- Emmitt Smith

Jesus Christ almighty.

"Hi Hank!"- Whores

When the whores introduce Hank it's time to kick this thing off! Who's coming with me?

8:37- Apparently the Bengals are trying rid themselves of all of those pigeons by shooting off Fort McHenry like cannons.

Is it your contention that the Patriots are not, in fact, a better golf club?- Oops Pow Surprise

They probably would cheat to win though.

OH MY GOD. DID TONY AND JAWS JUST SING BON JOVI?!?!?! Good lord.

"Karaoke Night? That was Awful!"- Mike Tirico

Video of that coming soon. Jamie Foxx gets us underway after the break. There's going to be a ton of great video tonight!

"Primary target OCHO CINCO! It's Going to be a shootout in the jungle tonight."- Jamie Foxx

New England gets the ball......Let's do this!

8:45- Hobbs gets blasted for trying to re-break the NFL record for longest kickoff return. Moss grabs a 6 yarder on first. A 2nd down screen to Faulk nets 24 yards and Mike Tirico sounds like someone just died.

They're just baiting you at this point. They must be aware that there's a drinking game that involves downing one every time AA- is horrified, and they're determined to kill every last one of us.- Oops Pow Surprise

They have to be.....

I'm not drinking, I'm doing whippets every time Kornholie and Jaws giggle. Tee fuckin hee.- Hollywood Wags

That sounds like a plan.

8:51- The Benglas get some pressure on Brady and there's a throwaway for the Golden Boy. As soon as I type that Moss is standing alone in the middle of the field for 17 yards.

"Pocket collapses on Griese....er Brady."- Mike Tirico

Come on.....this is too easy guys.

Brady hits the real "White Lightning" Wes Welker for a 1st down pickup on 3rd down. Tony and Jaws freak out about Matt Light making a speech instead of saying actual player's names.

FG attempt for the Pats........

3-0 Pats on the Gostkowski FG.

MATCHBOX 20!!!!!!!!! YES! Rob Thomas is soooooo dreamy.

"when did kevin nash change his name to matt light?"- Dr. C

Great Question! NWO in the house!!!

9:01- Jaws likes Kenny Watson, but doesn't really tell us why.

"He will help them in the passing game"- Jaws
"When you say it will help them in the passing game does that mean overall."- TK

Actually a great question by Tony. I'm shocked. Jaws was very aloof on that statement.

Oh and Cincy is punting after one first time.

"So Neither Weezy, Geezy, or Deezy got to them as it was Adalius."- TK

9:07- Sammy Morris gets zero on first down. Tony goes off on a Randy Moss diatribe. Personally I thought that would come sooner.

A handful of Patriots penalties but them in third and long and Holy Shit!!! A Patriots punt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hey A Patriots Punt."- Tony Kornheiser
"It's Chris Hanson....not NBC's Chris Hansen."- Mike Tirico

Hahaha....that's actually pretty funny Michael.

9:13- I think the Bengals are going to go to Kenny Watson every play. 3rd and five for the Bengals. Just short on a pass over the middle and the Pats get it back on a punt.

Stallworth catches a pass and then Sammy Morris rumbles his way all the way down to the two! Great run. He fumbles out of the endzone but is ruled down by contact. Marvin Lewis limps over on his crutches and throws the flag. Oh wait, he has a designated flag thrower due to his injury. I want that job.

Long replay here, and it's pretty inconclusive. Tony notes that the Bengals have no Linebackers and I'm just happy that he's providing actual analysis.

9:21- Ruling on the field stands, and there's not really an evidence to overturn the call. Seau and Vrabel are in the game.....

And Seau leads Heath Evans into the endzone.....or not. Looked like he was in to me. Evans again....And NO! Great stop by the Bengals. Not like it matters....the Pats will go for it on 4th if they don't get it here.

Play Action to Vrabel.....TOUCHDOWN! 10-0 Pats. That hurts.

Great job of Jaws to highlight that newly acquired Dhani Jones was on the coverage and Tony kicks in a "Linebacker on Linebacker" joke.

The crew just completely cracks up over some dumb joke that Tony makes. I'm so confused. That's the end of the first. This photo of the Ickey Shuffle will serve as the separation between quarters.......



9:31- Mike Tirico informs us that the Bengals have 17 yards in the 1st quarter, and that's just about how every team in the NFL is going to look against the Pats this year.

Hey, the officials actually throw a flag on the Pats....I don't think I've ever seen that before. Great blitz by Ndukwe and the Pats are looking at third and long. Timeout.

A Bengals Pick! How about that....the golden boy is picked by ex-Wolverine Leon Hall. Welcome to the NFL.

You know what would be great? If the MLB game was in the ninth when this game was at the half. Best of both world.

Ocho Five gets a quick out and takes it to the one yard line.........

PLAY ACTION TOUCHDOWN.....TJ.....I'm going to spell this without help.........Houshmandzadeh. Can I get a confirmation?

10-7 Patriots.....we've got ourselves a game.

"What a talented player he is". Jaws - Great analysis.

Signed,

Joe Theisman

(Via Dummy)

"If Kornheiser was talking about assless chaps on live TV, then that's actually a bonus in my book"- Oops Pow Surprise

Agreed.

9:45- Sammy Morris gets zippy on first down and Suzy tells us that Brady walks on water. Jesus then hits Welker for a first down. Tony talks about Ice Cream and I die a little inside. A completion to Stallworth for about five.

TK does probably the best report he's given about Belicheat working the best players on his team and the production truck provided him with Bill lecturing Seau and Bruschi. Good job MNF.....that's what I/We like to see.

Sammy Morris picks up a first down in Bengals territory, and Tirico points out ANOTHER Bengals linebacker that's hurt. Crazy. They cut away from the game quick again to cut off Tony Kornheiser's point. Good job again production truck.

"..a tape of all of Brady's mistakes." Does this include the new baby pictures as well?- Trot Nixon's Hat

WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!! F'ing hilarious.

9:51- So Cincy is going to try and stop the Patriots with 2 Linebackers.....someone take the 2nd half line. The Bengals go with the first 5 defensive lineman look and have to call timeout.

"Did Kornheiser just say something about "two sore Johnsons"??"- Anon

Of course he did.

The Pats are running all over the linebackerless Bengals, but Joseph stops the Pats on 2nd down.....3rd and 3 at the 7......

OH WOW...............Randy f'ing Moss with one to the prettiest catches from that close to the endzone I've ever seen! Just beautiful......screw you Randy Moss for not playing like this your whole career. You could have been the best.

17-7 Pats.

9:59- Carson Palmer decides to throw all over the field and the Bengals are driving no-huddle.

WOW! Chad Johnson pulls off a sick catch and takes us to the two minute warning. TK leaves the booth.....

"To become a linebacker by the second half."- Tony Kornheiser

Funny. +1 Tony.

"Why are they gushing over the Pats like this? It is just a 10 fucking point lead right now???????? They very good but they haven't played anyone. Sorry SD."- Brett

Sorry Brett, but that's just the way it is with ESPN.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Chad went over and talked to Coach Cheat at the two minute warning!

Pick by Samuel and the Pats will take a knee.

17-7 at the half Pats. Let's all get ready for PTI at the Half. Ouch Chad and Carson are jawing on the way into the locker room. Not a good sign.

New Thread for the 2nd Half after the break.

(posted by OMDQ)

(Note: No parenting classes this weekend - although I could probably use some - but it's not like I'll be taking it easy here. Camping with the in-laws, fantasy football draft with my brother, school starting on Tuesday - I'm dealing with a lot of stuff. That said, I hope to be here as often as possible this weekend, because I love everyone who reads my work and will be counting on you all to keep me sane. The end.)

Nobody was talking about this, so you might have missed it, but Tom Brady took a day or two off from practice this past week to fly out to California for the birth of his first child. When he returned...well, let's just say that apparently new arrivals in the family affect Brady the way deaths in the family affect Brett Favre (after conceiving and actually typing that analogy, I now think I know what goes through Woody Paige's head while he's writing a column), because he was awesome: 17-of-21 for 167 yards and two touchdowns in less than three quarters against the Panthers on Friday night.

Four things about the game story that stand out for their excellence:

1) "Brady then avoided reporters and questions about his whirlwind week. He hasn't even told his teammates the name of the baby." (emphasis mine...duh)

Really? He hasn't told anybody? Or he just hasn't stood up in front of the team and announced the kid's name yet? The first option makes me sad, because I'd hate to think he would withhold that sort of information from guys like Troy Brown and Tedy Bruschi, who have been with him through good times and bad (especially when Kissing Suzy Kolber told us earlier that the kid's name is Jonathan). The second option makes sense, fortunately.

On a personal side note: how happy am I that the kid is going to have Brady's last name? For awhile there, I was sure they were going to name him "Joseph Moynahan", which would have been problematic considering I already created one of those. As it is, "Jonathan Moynahan" would have been too close - I like the name Jonathan and might name one of my kids that someday. Now, it appears the archaic tradition of giving children born out of wedlock their father's surnames will save my family much consternation in the future.

2) "I thought Tim did a nice job tonight," Patriots coach Bill Belichick said. "I thought he handled some adjustments well."

I know it was an absolutely forgiveable mistake that somehow slipped past Mike Cranston's editors. You know it was an absolutely forgiveable mistake that somehow slipped past Mike Cranston's editors. But doesn't it make you smile just a little, the thought that Bill Belichick has trouble remembering his star quarterback's name? That is a true father-son relationship right there (spoken from experience: my father calls me Patrick or Timothy about 85% of the time).

3) "Stephen Gostkowski missed 2 of 3 field-goal attempts for New England."

Not a good preseason for Gostkowski, who will probably suffer comparisons to Adam Vinatieri every time he screws up for the rest of his life. I desperately want to make some smart-ass comment along those lines, but the kid stepped into an impossible situation last year and did a great job. It's not really fair to criticize him yet.

4) "On the next play, Jarvis Green blocked John Kasay's 43-yard field-goal attempt. Green also blocked Kasay's 49-yard attempt in the second quarter."

John Kasay is going to see Jarvis Green in his dreams tonight.

Photo: Reuters/Chris Keane