Ah Suzy. Ever the professional, even when a player tells you they don't even want to talk to you. Just keep that hair bouncing until he acknowledges you. Well at least she didn't try to hook up with him on live television (*ahem* Andrea Kremer! *cough*)....

After the third year of Monday Night Football on ESPN, the trio of Tirico, Jaworski and Kornheiser have definitely improved in the booth, but there are still some things that bother both myself and the masses. Kornheiser doesn't seem to annoy everyone as much as in years past, and is starting to settle into his role, but some of his tangents and on-air "articles" remain over-the-top. The constant Brett Favre talk through the first five games or so was unnecessary, and it took a chastising from Tirico to finally make him stop.

Other than that, the only other thing the trio suffered from was a set of terrible games. But even with some stinkers, Monday Night Football was the most watched program on cable this past year. Via ESPN PR....

ESPN’s third season of Monday Night Football was the most-watched series on cable television in 2008, set an all-time cable viewership record for the third straight year and drew the year’s three biggest cable household audiences and 13 of the top 15. In three seasons on ESPN, Monday Night Football has registered seven of the top 10 all-time biggest household audiences in cable history, led by the Eagles-Cowboys telecast on September 15, which attracted cable’s largest household audience ever (an average of 12,953,000 million homes).

ESPN’s 17 Monday Night Football telecasts in 2008 averaged a 8.9 rating, representing an average of 8,679,000 households (11,962,000 viewers – P2+), increases of 3%, 5% and 7%, respectively, vs. 2007 (8.6; 8,277,000 and 11,230,000). MNF ended on a particularly strong note with last night’s Chicago Bears’ 20-17 overtime victory over the Green Bay Packers delivering a 9.8 rating, representing an average of 9,582,000 households (13,803,000 viewers – P2+). The game ranks as the third-largest household audience on cable this year.

The numbers don't lie, and for those of you expecting or wanting a change, aren't going to be getting it anytime soon. I know we poke fun at the trio each Monday night, but they're slowly getting better each season and each broadcast. If it ain't entirely broken, I'm sure ESPN feels no need to fix it. And they honestly shouldn't mess with what's working (for the most part) at this point.

That's not to say that there weren't some funny moments and quotes throughout the year, so what I've done is come up with a top ten set of quotes, and a compilation video of clips I've saved throughout the year. We've got Tony apologizing for a comment on Hispanic Heritage Day, Emmitt being Emmitt (Plaxico Berries, Rites of Patches and more) and Kat Deluna butchering the National Anthem. So buckle up and enjoy your 2008 Monday Night Football Season in just eight short minutes!



10. "Hi Brett, Hi Diana."- Mike Tirico during the Week One Packers-Vikings matchup

9. "This is not a Buccaneer team that's built to come from behind." - Jaws
"But they have, on the road. 3 times." - Mike Tirico

8. "Does that mean that, Delhomme, he went to Jarrett?" - Tony Kornheiser

7. "Great play calling, I can't tell you anything else. Very hard."- Mike Ditka

6. "The good thing about being short is that everyone else is tall...."- Emmitt Smith

5. "They were dooing for Deuce McAllister."- Mike Tirico
"Dooing?"- Tony Kornheiser
"Deucing."- Mike Tirico

4. "We put the focus on Favre because people like me are in love with him."- Tony Kornheiser

3. "That's exactly the kind of pass Favre would have thrown. Does it remind you of him at all?"- Tony Kornheiser
"Yes, but you've got to let it go, Tony."- Ron Jaworski
"I'm going to put a Favre moratorium on the Second Half. You only get five mentions!"- Mike Tirico

2. "I took high school Spanish, either he said he's not going to be caught, or please pick up my dry cleaning tomorrow." - Tony Kornheiser
"I said something before which I shouldn't have said, I apologize for it. Not my first mistake, undoubtedly won't be my last, but a 100% apology."- Tony Kornheiser

1. "This kid has obviously not earned his rites of patches in the locker room."- Emmitt Smith
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Thanks again to all of you who took the time to join in on the live-blogs each Monday Night, and sorry for bailing near the end of the season (there was good reason, but I don't want to bore you with the details).

Emmitt Smith made it through a night of coverage without saying anything too crazy, but with Donovan on the stage following the game, the four-man set decided to give us a new Emmittism. It wasn't spoken word, as most Emmittisms are, but rather a pose that everyone decided to break out during the postgame interview. I give you the Emmitt "Cool Pose"!

I always thought that was the Emmitt "I'm going to look at you like you're saying something crazy, even though I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about" pose. So yeah....thanks for clarifying, Stu!

Earlier in the night, Steve Young took on ESPN by calling the network "dumb", but it was his professionalism when battling thrown cups that really impressed me. Here is Young avoiding a plastic cup thrown at him during the postgame and not missing a beat during his analysis....

I'm not condoning the act in the least, but if you're going to be the douchebag that throws an object at someone, at least hit them with it. Although, skipping it across the camera might actually be more impressive. Here is the rest of your Monday Nighter in quotes via FARN....

"He took the Frankfurt Galaxy to the World Bowl, which I suppose made him All-World." - Tony Kornheiser on Jake Delhomme

"You think Tampa Bay remembers they lost by 24 points in the first game?" - Tony Kornheiser forgetting that it was Carolina that lost by 24 to Tampa Bay

"That was my homework assignment for the week." - Mike Tirico on learning Spanish.

"He's rumbling, bumbling, stumbling down the field." - Jaws channeling his inner Berman

"That's how you stroke it up in there as a linebacker." - Jaws

"That gets you a graduate degree at the Troy Polamalu School of Making Interceptions." - Tony Kornheiser

"Those markers are the real ones." - Mike Tirico on the sideline markers.

"This is not a Buccaneer team that's built to come from behind." - Jaws
"But they have, on the road. 3 times." - Mike Tirico

"You have to score once to score twice, but you have to score twice." - Tony Kornheiser

"Does that mean that, Delhomme, he went to Jarrett?" - Tony Kornheiser

Ugh.

The obvious NFC East connection between Michael Irvin and Plaxico is there, but other than that and the fact that they are/were great receivers, I just can't find any reason that Irvin and Burress should be in the same sentence. You can argue that Burress is approaching an Irvin-esqe level of trouble (with a previous domestic abuse charge, a handful of team suspensions and now this incident), but until he has a birthday party in a hotel with hookers and a plate full of cocaine, I think he's safe.

Which is why the following video exchange between Emmitt Smith, Stu Scott and Steve Young before the game surprised me. Emmitt claimed there was no comparison to his former teammate Irvin, and that Plaxico was a "Cancer" and should be "removed from the locker room". Oh wait sorry that was Plaxico "Berries"....

Emmitt did get in a great descriptive word, "divisive", but he couldn't get his last name right to save his life. Too funny. As far as Plax himself goes, the only reason the Giants should even remotely think about cutting Plaxico Burress is if they think their stable of young receivers is ready. Sure they would save a ton of money but saying Plaxico doesn't come prepared is just false. He rarely practices, but apparently he doesn't need to. In his three previous years with the G-Men he's averaged 1078 yards, 70 catches and a little under 10 TDs. Obviously his interaction with the team before games is less than is to be desired, but he's still only missed three games in his four years on the team, with two of them coming this year. I'm not saying the guy is a Saint, but with as many chances that Pacman has had.....I think the Giants' receiver has a few more left before he's shunned from the league or the team.

If you're a Giants fan and you think he needs to go, while I think you'd be in the minority, you'd have every right to feel that way. The Giants Organization can ultimately do whatever they want with him, and I think the fact that he's in a large market like New York doesn't help his cause, but hearing people like Emmitt and Young sticking up for Irvin in the same breath that they damn Burress....just doesn't sit right with me.

I'd also be interested what Irvin himself has to say about the troubled receiver. If anything is talked about on his radio show today, I'll let you know.
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(Stepping down from my soapbox) Now that's out of the way, let's get to the rest of your Monday Nighter in quotes. Many thanks to JFein who kept track of the quotes throughout the game (quietly starting a slow clap).

"What has happened to the Jacksonville?” - The Mike Tirico in the pregame the introductions on the Monday Night Countdown

“Sage Rosenfels is the kind of guy who’s gonna be a late bloomer.” - Steve Young on the 30-year old Quarterback

“I’d like to take Pittsburgh, but since they aren’t playing, I’ll take Houston.” - Mike Ditka

"The roof is open because of the storm.” - Mike Tirico

“Houston’s QBs have combined to throw 17 interceptions in just 11 games. GACK!” - Tony Kornheiser

“Let me just say that these uniforms make the Texans look like Ketchup bottles.” - Tony Kornheiser

“Del Rio’s got a hot leather jacket on.” - Tony Kornheiser

“18 interceptions in 12 games, on pace for 600.” - Tony Kornheiser
“Who does your math?” - Ron Jaworski

"I love it when receivers catch the balls with their hands." - Ron Jaworski

"Mine was longer." - Ron Jaworski

"He could have gone for 30 yards there." - Tony Kornheiser on Sage Rosenfels not keeping the ball and instead throwing into traffic
"Really Tony? 30???"- Ron Jaworski
"Okay, 15."- Tony Kornheiser

“[David Garrard] has better hands than Jerry Porter.” - Ron Jaworski after the QB caught one of his deflected passes

Mike Tirico: “That’s the tallest building in the world not in a downtown area.”
Tony Kornheiser: “I didn’t know they kept stats on that.”

"Did you just hear that? Jacques Reeves runner-up in the Big Ten 200 meters? How did he know that?” - Tony Kornheiser on Mike Tirico

"Remember when the astronauts were brought into the Astrodome for a great barbeque" - Tony Kornheiser making no sense

"Always a good clue when you see a quarterback's arm go forward and forward and the hand empty, it's an incomplete pass." - Mike Tirico

"Talk about hitting the pillow and not having any regrets." - Mike Tirico

"Slaton untouched by a human hand." - Mike Tirico

Update: Apparently the better part of those came from SS' Live-Blog last night. Great work all.

Jaguars/Texans Live Blog - 2nd Half (SS Reporters)

Great pull by those involved in Monday Night Football to get Drew Rosenhaus for an in-booth halftime interview, but they might have wanted to get a pre-interview in before asking him about his client Plaxico Burress on live television.

The questions were great, and I understand that there are a few things that Rosenhaus can't talk about, but good lord that was pointless. Those are six minutes I won't be getting back. I also going to have some trouble erasing the memory of that "Andrew Dice Clay"-like leather jacket that Rosenhaus was sporting. Did "Member's Only" have a Black Friday sale that I wasn't made aware of?

Man that game was a wild one. If you're waking up today, and you missed it, I hope this video and set of quotes helps. If you played along with the live-blog, enjoy them a second time!

"The strong hand wins the contest."- Ron Jaworski

"Maybe he should have dated supermodels?"- Tony Kornheiser after comparing Drew Brees to Brady and Manning

"They were in position to score a million times." - Tony Kornheiser

"They were dooing for Deuce McAllister."- Mike Tirico
"Dooing?"- Tony Kornheiser
"Deucing."- Mike Tirico

"Heath Shuler is a congressman and Gus Frerotte is still playing Football! It's phenomenal!!!"- Tony Kornheiser

"He [Hochuli] drops in my fantasy referee draft."- Tony Kornheiser

"In some countries these guys are picking out furniture."- Tony Kornheiser on Brees and Sean Payton
"Brees' relationship to Sean Payton has been described by everyone as perfect" - Tony Kornheiser

"Well under the average inside the redzone."- Ron Jaworski
"They're last!"- Tony Kornheiser

"This could be three or seven."- Tony Kornheiser on a FG attempt

"Penetrate and get the arms up!"- Ron Jaworski

"So far what we've seen from Reggie Bush is warning track power. At USC he was a home run hitter all the time. If he does that in the pros, he is a star of stars"- Tony Kornheiser

"There's a rule that pertains to foot tangling?"- Tony Kornheiser
"No footsies."- Mike Tirico

"I know you're critical of Sports Radio but that's the topic tomorrow. Why would you kick to Bush a third time."- Tony Kornheiser
"I would ask the same question."- Ron Jaworski
"I'll give you the call-in number."- Tony Kornheiser

"They not making no moves offensively."- Tony Kornheiser on the Vikings

"That was great video of Drew Brees hyping up his team. It looked like he went to Ray Lewis Summercamp."- Tony Kornheiser

"We got to get Jaws to a cold tub because he's completely exhausted" - Tony Kornheiser

Not only was this just about the worst impression I've ever heard, but it was also the most sacrilegious that Kornheiser could have tried to pull off. As if fawning over Favre wasn't enough, Tony tried to pull off a Howard Cosell impression before the kickoff of last night's Monday nighter....

Last night's game was actually rather low on the Brett Favre annoyance level, but leave it to Tony to add just enough to drive the audience crazy. It's become a weekly occurance this year for him and I almost think he's doing it on purpose at this point. The rest of the game wasn't that bad in announcing terms, but there's something about Kornheiser that always seems to ruin the good ones.

Here's the rest of your Monday Night in quotes, but none really compare to that craptastic impression....

Your Monday Night In Quotes:

"That's more than discussing the new Mustang."- Chris Berman on Bill Ford Jr. wanting to fire Matt Millen

"The good thing about being short is that everyone else is tall...."- Emmitt Smith

"This could be Brett Favre's last Monday Night game."- Mike Tirico

"They have so many toe injuries on this team that I assume they must practice barefoot and step on their toes" - Tony Kornheiser

"It's too small to matter, but it becomes the Achilles heel of the foot."- Tony Kornheiser on the toe

"We've head a penalty free first half to this point."- Mike Tirico
(about a 20 second pause)
"Well that's good."- Ron Jaworski
"Thank you for that."- Tony Kornheiser
"You like that in depth analysis?"- Ron Jaworski

"They say he still plays the game like he's in sixth grade or eighth grade...."- Tony Kornheiser on Brett Favre

"It's no fun out here tonight and the traffic in New Jersey is killing me."- Tony Kornheiser channeling Favre

"We put the focus on Favre because people like me are in love with him."- Tony Kornheiser

Last week, it was a double shot of Emmitt, and this week's MNF Video of the Night features Mike Ditka going crazy at random times during the second half of last night's Broncos-Raiders contest! But before we get to that nonsense, I have to talk about that double-header that went down last night.

The main team of MNFers spent a lot of time during the offseason trying to fix issues that have been bothering fans over the past two years. And while I applaud them for trying, last night's game was just as bad as ever. There were no guests, there weren't a lot of fancy graphics taking up the screen, but once again a certain #4 Quarterback was mentioned probably over a hundred and fifty times during the broadcast. I just don't think it crossed their mind that the entire network has just shoved this down our throat for an entire Summer. You would think they would have learned when the same thing happened with Mike Vick two years ago, but I guess not.

I understand that they have to bring him up, but you can really get all of that out of your system in the first quarter. The problem as I've stated many times though is never with Tirico or Jaws, but rather Kornheiser. When both the lead and the second analyst are noticeably bothered by hearing his name in the second half, someone has to tell Tony to shut about about whatever topic he's beating to death. Good for Tirico for finally say something, but that didn't come until the fourth quarter. If the Packers can move on ESPN, so can you.

As far as the second team, just please never subject us to those three again. I could easily be considered one of the worst broadcasts ever if it wasn't for the same three's performance in last year's opener. I think that, and this video, tells you all you need to know.

The amount of ooohs" and "oh gods" that came out Ditka probably rivaled the Favre mentions by the end of the night, but teeth sucking and analysis is what drove me crazy. He did this the ENTIRE GAME! I think Ditka is a smart guy, and that he knows his Football, but he really doesn't belong anywhere near a mic. I normally take the morning to re-watch some of the game, and let it all sink in, but I didn't need to today....that game was just dreadful. Onto the quotes before I get mad....
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Game One:

"Hi Brett, Hi Diana."- Mike Tirico

"I call this the great gamble of the 2008 season. It's like John McCain picking Sarah Palin."- Tony Kornheiser

"Last year he was the Rookie of the Year and he went over a million yards like nine times."- Tony Kornheiser on Peterson

"He sits and listen when people like me talk about him."- Tony Kornheiser
"Especially you talking about him."- Ron Jaworski
"I know nothing!"- Tony Kornheiser

"That's exactly the kind of pass Favre would have thrown. Does it remind you of him at all?"- Tony Kornheiser
"Yes, but you've got to let it go, Tony."- Ron Jaworski

"It's all about penetration." - Ron Jaworski

"I'm going to put a Favre moratorium on the Second Half. You only get five mentions!"- Mike Tirico

"Our cheese curds are saltier than your cheese curds."- Tony Kornheiser on the battle of Minnesota and Wisconsin

"Driver! He got Winfield to bite, and says 'good night!'" - Mike Tirico

"He was too pooped to leap."- Tony Kornheiser after Will Blackmon's punt return TD

"And the Packers saying to the Jets if you trade him at all you lose you first born for fifty three years or something like that."- Tony Kornheiser on the Jets and Vikings collusion

"Lollipop yes, Lazer no."- Mike Tirico on how to punt

"It's a great storyline, it's a great point, but let's not do this week after week."- Mike Tirico on the Favre discussion in the fourth quarter

"We get the Packers twice more on Monday night."- Tony Kornheiser

Game Two:

"He's got a hole...here he comes!"- Mike Greenberg

"Great cutback, but he cutback into all problems."- Mike Ditka not making sense

"And bear in mind that the yellow line isn't actually on the field. The referees don't see that."- Mike Greenberg

"When he rolls out, he goes to that side of the ride."- Mike Golic not making sense

"Stupid is, as stupid does."- Mike Ditka quoting Forrest Gump

"You remember what happened when Eddie Pipp got hurt? A guy named Lou Gehrig took over."- Mike Ditka getting mixed up

"Oh they were all moving."- Mike Greenberg
"Oh just end the half!"- Mike Golic

"He asked me if I HAVE any answers."- Suzy Kolber on Lane Kiffin

"You got to sue the offensive line for non-support"- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"He's not going to stay with a guy that fast."- Mike Golic
"He looked like a traffic cop there."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"Great play calling, I can't tell you anything else. Very hard."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"Can't make chicken salad out of chicken noodle" - Mike Ditka not making any sense

"That's a great run right there. That's a great two yard run. That's a great run because there was nowhere to run."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"The kid Chris Johnson was drafted in the fourth round."- Mike Ditka on the first round draft pick, Johnson

"Touchdown Raiders!!!!!!! Raider Nation goes wild."- Mike Ditka freaking out
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Let's just thank god that's over and that like Tony said, we only have to see the Packers on Monday Night Football two more times this year! Wait what? Oh fuck me. Oh and ESPN...please, please add a down and distance marker to the screen somewhere. I'm all for the new look but it was maddening to wait for the snap to finally see where the ball was. Most people look for the yardage right after the play, so I'm also going to need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday and take care of that. Thannnnks.

What Exactly Does Co-Horsing Mean? (And The Rest Of Your Monday Night In Emmitt) (Awful Announcing)
Tony Rags On The AFL (And The Rest Of Your Monday Night In Quotes) (Awful Announcing)

Last week, Steve Young's hair was the topic of discussion, but this week's MNF Video of the Night means so much more. It's all about the kids folks, and Jaws decided to spend some time with teams from local Pop Warner Leagues around the Northeast area. It was so beautiful and moving, but that didn't seem to impress Tony who decided to throw a right cross at the analyst's "other" Football venture, the AFL....

That's close to the funniest thing that Tony has ever said. Good times! Here's the rest of your Monday nighter in quotes....
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“RW McQuarters was a thousand dollar bill!”- Chris Berman

“Then they bring in Bernard Berryman as a receiver to stretch the field.”- Keyshawn Johnson

“You can say a lot of things you can say about Jersey. One thing you can say, there’s a good Diner never far away.”- Mike Tirico

“Let me go back to Eli who you see growing a beard, which is what real men do. They grow beards, Jaws. They have beards.”- Tony Kornheiser

“If you get 15 yarders for swinging and missing. What do you get for swinging and hitting?”- Tony Kornheiser
“30.”- Ron Jaworski

”With Tiki gone across the river to do TV and they said who in the world is going to get ALL those yards. Well Jacobs led the running back by committee that had 7 fewer rushing yards than the Giants in 2006.”- Mike Tirico
“That’s why Tiki moved from the nine o’clock hour to the 10 o’clock hour. Because someone out gained him. That’s another network, I should probably stay away from it.”- Tony Kornheiser

“Now you’re one of us. Best of luck this season.”- Suzy Kolber
“I am one of you, baby! I am off the field, and I am happy. I’ll be sitting in a studio every week in nice sunny California.”- Michael Strahan

“And if this is an example of what they’re going to do in primetime, they’ll wanna get back to that one o’clock Sunday slot with no one watching.”- Tony Kornheiser
“We know it’s a preseason game, but they ARE NOT sharp.”- Ron Jaworski

“Right now in Cleveland, 50,000 people are preparing to chant for Brady Quinn.”- Tony Kornheiser

“I think you used the word chic at the top of the show and it’s a good word. They’re getting destroyed right now.”- Tony Kornheiser

“He’s the Hound of the Zasterdils.”- Tony Kornheiser on Browns’ Punter Zastudil

“We’re just angling for a ring.”- Mike Tirico
“Talk to Bon Jovi.”- Ron Jaworski

“We can show you with finger cam what Brady Quinn is doing with his grip.”- Tony Kornheiser

“He’s out of Football now as is Michael Football.”- Mike Tirico on Michael Vick

“Now Kyle Orton, who can’t throw the deep ball. And be deep I mean twenty to thirty yards.”- Tony Kornheiser