Mike Ditka Has Lost His Mind (And The Rest Of Your Monday Night In Quotes)

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Last week, it was a double shot of Emmitt, and this week's MNF Video of the Night features Mike Ditka going crazy at random times during the second half of last night's Broncos-Raiders contest! But before we get to that nonsense, I have to talk about that double-header that went down last night.

The main team of MNFers spent a lot of time during the offseason trying to fix issues that have been bothering fans over the past two years. And while I applaud them for trying, last night's game was just as bad as ever. There were no guests, there weren't a lot of fancy graphics taking up the screen, but once again a certain #4 Quarterback was mentioned probably over a hundred and fifty times during the broadcast. I just don't think it crossed their mind that the entire network has just shoved this down our throat for an entire Summer. You would think they would have learned when the same thing happened with Mike Vick two years ago, but I guess not.

I understand that they have to bring him up, but you can really get all of that out of your system in the first quarter. The problem as I've stated many times though is never with Tirico or Jaws, but rather Kornheiser. When both the lead and the second analyst are noticeably bothered by hearing his name in the second half, someone has to tell Tony to shut about about whatever topic he's beating to death. Good for Tirico for finally say something, but that didn't come until the fourth quarter. If the Packers can move on ESPN, so can you.

As far as the second team, just please never subject us to those three again. I could easily be considered one of the worst broadcasts ever if it wasn't for the same three's performance in last year's opener. I think that, and this video, tells you all you need to know.

The amount of ooohs" and "oh gods" that came out Ditka probably rivaled the Favre mentions by the end of the night, but teeth sucking and analysis is what drove me crazy. He did this the ENTIRE GAME! I think Ditka is a smart guy, and that he knows his Football, but he really doesn't belong anywhere near a mic. I normally take the morning to re-watch some of the game, and let it all sink in, but I didn't need to today....that game was just dreadful. Onto the quotes before I get mad....

Game One:

"Hi Brett, Hi Diana."- Mike Tirico

"I call this the great gamble of the 2008 season. It's like John McCain picking Sarah Palin."- Tony Kornheiser

"Last year he was the Rookie of the Year and he went over a million yards like nine times."- Tony Kornheiser on Peterson

"He sits and listen when people like me talk about him."- Tony Kornheiser
"Especially you talking about him."- Ron Jaworski
"I know nothing!"- Tony Kornheiser

"That's exactly the kind of pass Favre would have thrown. Does it remind you of him at all?"- Tony Kornheiser
"Yes, but you've got to let it go, Tony."- Ron Jaworski

"It's all about penetration." - Ron Jaworski

"I'm going to put a Favre moratorium on the Second Half. You only get five mentions!"- Mike Tirico

"Our cheese curds are saltier than your cheese curds."- Tony Kornheiser on the battle of Minnesota and Wisconsin

"Driver! He got Winfield to bite, and says 'good night!'" - Mike Tirico

"He was too pooped to leap."- Tony Kornheiser after Will Blackmon's punt return TD

"And the Packers saying to the Jets if you trade him at all you lose you first born for fifty three years or something like that."- Tony Kornheiser on the Jets and Vikings collusion

"Lollipop yes, Lazer no."- Mike Tirico on how to punt

"It's a great storyline, it's a great point, but let's not do this week after week."- Mike Tirico on the Favre discussion in the fourth quarter

"We get the Packers twice more on Monday night."- Tony Kornheiser

Game Two:

"He's got a hole...here he comes!"- Mike Greenberg

"Great cutback, but he cutback into all problems."- Mike Ditka not making sense

"And bear in mind that the yellow line isn't actually on the field. The referees don't see that."- Mike Greenberg

"When he rolls out, he goes to that side of the ride."- Mike Golic not making sense

"Stupid is, as stupid does."- Mike Ditka quoting Forrest Gump

"You remember what happened when Eddie Pipp got hurt? A guy named Lou Gehrig took over."- Mike Ditka getting mixed up

"Oh they were all moving."- Mike Greenberg
"Oh just end the half!"- Mike Golic

"He asked me if I HAVE any answers."- Suzy Kolber on Lane Kiffin

"You got to sue the offensive line for non-support"- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"He's not going to stay with a guy that fast."- Mike Golic
"He looked like a traffic cop there."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"Great play calling, I can't tell you anything else. Very hard."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"Can't make chicken salad out of chicken noodle" - Mike Ditka not making any sense

"That's a great run right there. That's a great two yard run. That's a great run because there was nowhere to run."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

"The kid Chris Johnson was drafted in the fourth round."- Mike Ditka on the first round draft pick, Johnson

"Touchdown Raiders!!!!!!! Raider Nation goes wild."- Mike Ditka freaking out

Let's just thank god that's over and that like Tony said, we only have to see the Packers on Monday Night Football two more times this year! Wait what? Oh fuck me. Oh and ESPN...please, please add a down and distance marker to the screen somewhere. I'm all for the new look but it was maddening to wait for the snap to finally see where the ball was. Most people look for the yardage right after the play, so I'm also going to need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday and take care of that. Thannnnks.

What Exactly Does Co-Horsing Mean? (And The Rest Of Your Monday Night In Emmitt) (Awful Announcing)
Tony Rags On The AFL (And The Rest Of Your Monday Night In Quotes) (Awful Announcing)


Jaws and Tirico would be fine without Kornheiser. Same with Greeney and Golic. If they got a few games together without Ditka's inane rambling they could be good.

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 12:41:00 PM  

Greenerg, Ditka adn Golic should never ever be in a booth togeter. This 3 tools sounded like they didn't know anyone in those teams. Ditka shounded like he just got out of a bar, Greenberg should be calling high school football instead of an MNF game. His paly-by-play was terrible. And as far as Golic goes, he is terrible. He should not be on TV at all.

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 12:54:00 PM  

Not only did Ditka lose his mind last night, but I also think he lost half of his bodily fluids. It could just be my computer, but for some reason I am not able to see the video that you posted.

Greeney and Golic used to do AFL games together, anon @ 12:41, and they stunk then. They stunk now. A few games, with or without Ditka, will not make them any better they are now.

jfein said...
Sep 9, 2008, 12:54:00 PM  

I wonder if Greenberg and Golic will mention this on their radio show? What is the over/under? like 40 times in the next year?

Mac G said...
Sep 9, 2008, 12:55:00 PM  

I menat and

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 12:57:00 PM  

Kornheiser use to make me laugh quite often on his radio and sometimes on PTI. He now makes my ears bleed and his only real punch line is to exaggerate something to an unbelievable number. This is borderline funny the first time and that is it. The 20th time makes you want to yell stuff at your TV.

Mac G said...
Sep 9, 2008, 12:57:00 PM  

Sarah Palin references during a football game should equal termination.

GMoney said...
Sep 9, 2008, 1:25:00 PM  

I thought Tony last night went overboard with the whole Brett Favre thing. I know they had to talk about it because it was their first game without him, but after a while it got annoying. I like Tony, however, I agree with Jaws when he said, Let it go Tony.

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 1:29:00 PM  

It was obvious that the Mikes had money on the home dog.

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 1:34:00 PM  

I thought Greenberg, Golic, and Ditka were hilarious.

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 1:36:00 PM  

"I thought Greenberg, Golic, and Ditka were hilarious."

Only after drinking the third bottle of Kick Ass Red.

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 2:02:00 PM  

I think ESPN choose them because they are all Mikes.

Nessler-Vermeil was a lot better. ESPN can do better. ¿Ron Franklin?

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 2:10:00 PM  

game two was unwatchable, due to those three clueless magpies huffing and puffing all over each other. it was like three neighborhood guys who won some sort of contest where they get to call one inning of a local Triple-A baseball game - and they get soused before they take to the mics.

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 2:29:00 PM  

I agree on the down/distance call. Who cares that there is 11:49 remaining in the third quarter?

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 2:42:00 PM  

AA...here's some Emmitt Smith to your likeness. Emmitt was interviewed on the Viking's pre-game radio show. He stated how much he loved Adrian Peterson and how he was going to have a good season. He then went on to pick the Vikings to win the game. 10 minutes later on ESPN, he picks the Packers. So in 10 minutes, Emmitt flip-flops...

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 2:51:00 PM  

ESPN probably put them together for comedy reasons. I don't know about everyone else, but I was still semi-watching the game in the fourth quarter just because the announcing was so attrously bad. It was like a car wreck along the side of the road; it's bad, but you can't help but turn your head and look as you pass.

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 3:28:00 PM  

"You can't make chicken salad out of chicken noodle".
Ever heard the expression, "You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit?"

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 7:04:00 PM  

Again, with all of the play-by-play and analyst talent that ESPN has on their roster, why do they continue to force the promotion of their morning radio show down our throats. Let them do their show and put real game broadcasters on the game!

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 10:15:00 PM  

obviously ESPN realized Broncos vs. Raiders was a shit game---so it rolled out a shit announcing crew. that was a living abortion....greenberg and golic make my skin crawl---their radio show is a godawful travesty, the only reason it gets any pub is because ESPN Radio affiliates HAVE to carry the piece of crap to retain affiliate status....

Anonymous said...
Sep 9, 2008, 10:33:00 PM  

Oh man
oh man

Mike Ditka said...
Sep 9, 2008, 11:43:00 PM  

Mike and Mike should stick to the radio show, and Ditka to the in-studio football talk shows, but I'll defend a couple of his qoutes...

"He's not going to stay with a guy that fast."- Mike Golic
"He looked like a traffic cop there."- Mike Ditka not making any sense

Sure that makes sense. Traffic cops stand in place and wave people by. He's saying the defender practically waved the ballcarrier through.

Anonymous said...
Sep 10, 2008, 2:16:00 AM  

love the office space reference at the end of the article.

Anonymous said...
Sep 11, 2008, 1:26:00 AM  

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