In the five seconds it took to smile and take this photo, CC Sabathia made roughly $50,000

Why did that 4th caption win again?

I can't believe I'll get to collapse in October with the other Yankees!

"I wonder if I left my David Ortiz jersey around here somewhere..."

CC Sabathia takes a picture in the new Yankee Stadium, which have been given the nickname "The House that CC Built...... literally...."

I'm just here to make sure they make the lockers big enough.

C.C. Sabathia smiles as he is told that this is the spot a concession stand is being placed just for him!

I finally won, hoorah!!!!

Pictured is CC Sabathia after he confused the new stadium dirt for chocolate.

After the signing announcement of C.C., the Yankees had to tear out and widen the stairs into the dugout. Here we see photographic evidence of the first "test fitting."

"Where does LeBron sit?"

Dammit, CC! As much as we're paying you, you need to stop posing for pictures and get back to work. Those toilets aren't gonna install themselves!

CC Sabathia poses for a picture at the unveiling of the "CC Sabathia Triple Fried Twinkie" concession stand at the new Yankee Stadium.

Pictured: CC Sabathia who the Yankees signed to a $161M contract this winter, largely because he's the only current player in MLB who can take the pressure off ARod in the playoffs by being a bigger choker.

TODAY......I CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE.....THE WEIRDEST-DRESSED MAN.....ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!"

CC: "Brian, this is great. I can pitch in front of an empty stadium, it's wonderful."

Brian Cashman (Off camera): "No, you have to pitch in front of the world's greatest fans."

CC: "Oh shit, I'm screwed...what am I gonna do, what am I gonna do, what am I gonna do?"

CC Sabathia? I thought that was the photo of Mike Tyson at the Video game awards.

CC: "How much are hotdogs here? Do you get a discount if you buy 12?"

ed note: picture of Sabathia is scaled down to make it appear that he fits into the new yankee stadium

Sabathia proudly sports the latest fashions from the John Olerud line.

Pizza! Burgers! POT ROAST!

Not pictured: Kei Igawa crying in the fetal position

After gobbling up a construction worker, Sabathia proubly wears his trophy around Yankee Stadium.

CC: "I'm sick of all your stereotypes and cheap jokes! The overweight individuals in this country are just as smart and talented and hard working as everybody else. And they're going to make their voices heard! All they need is a leader. Hmph...I'll work harder than ever before and show the world that overweight people are not undisciplined, lazy and irresponsible."

Well, Yane, basuhboll have been berry berry good to ME. Eets nice to have baseuhboll, becoss it been berr berry good to me.

Where is the ... ahhh, there's the hot dog stand!

Hey, great idea! A Krispy Kreme stand right behind home plate. Perrrrfect.

"No CC, you can't stand there. We haven't triple-enforced that concrete yet!"

$160M and a chance at a World Series ring were certainly a nice touch, but the 'bottomless' oversized Dairy Queen sundae helmet was what really sold CC on coming to Yankees.

Pictured: CC Sabathia wearing a protective helmet in case one of his moons should knock down any support beams at yankee stadium.

"That's no moon that's a space station!

160...160 million dollar...160 million dollar foot-long.

"OK fellas, no joke, where's George Costanza's office?"

For safety, the guy from the Cream of Wheat Box stands in for CC Sabathia

First, I've gotta split my news conference with the walking disabled list, A.J. Burnett. Now, I've gotta help build the stadium? I really should have read that contract before I signed it.

In an attempt to one up the Red Sox, CC Sabathia models the new Yankee Uniforms, developed by Ed Hardy and John Olerud

CC Sabathia shows off his new apartment.

damn it feels good to be a gangsta...

Curses! Prince Fielder is no longer the fattest man on the team. Shit, it's me, isn't it?

This is the spot where my personal hot dog vendor will stand.

C.C. Sabathia hides his disappointment after confusing "construction" with "confection"

Uh, CC. That's not a helmet. That's your cup.

can you see it, yea that's my face on the sign right there

Shortly after this photo was taken, Ed Werder reported "breaking news" on ESPN that Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez held a private meeting to discuss why C.C. Sabathia was getting so much press in New York city and leaving them out.

A.J. Burnett would have joined C.C. Sabathia in this photo-op, but he was put on the 15-day DL while trying to run up the steps.

C.C. Sabathia to Yankees officials off camera: "Well, if the economy completely tanks, I could always take this hat to London and become a Bobby."

"Hot dogs...Hot dogs...Yeah...Yeah.."

Two guys in the background:

"They're still shitty"

Sorry, couldn't resist the Major League reference

Does this construction helmet make me look fat?

Novelty hard-hats, but no bullpen cars...when will this league get its priorities straight?

Worker in distance: "'Whopper Virgin,' my ass, CC!"

I got this cool hard hat in case I start out like I started last season.

Foreman: "HEAD! DOWN! NOW! You're blocking out the entire construction site!"

"This is my exact inner structure, done in a tee shirt. Exactly medically accurate. See?"

Three more payments and this bad boy is all mine.

Brian Cashman debuts the brand new CC Sabathia wax statue at Yankee Stadium. Wax statues of Michael Phelps and Eli Manning currently en route from the ESPYs.

And now Biff Henderson with a special report from New Yankee Stadium.

Biff?

Sabathia is all smiles when he hears the sailor, biker, cowboy, Indian, and cop will arrive shortly