OBEY!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

So I received this electronic communication from the wwl this evening. Made me laugh so I'll give them that.






Dear ESPN Fan,

Would you like to express your opinions about ESPN, play a part in the decisions that get made, and talk with other sports fans like yourself? If so, we at ESPN invite you to join the ESPN Fan Zone panel at https://www.ESPNFanZone.com.


As a member of this exclusive community of sports fans, you can share your opinions through online surveys, earn prizes, and post your views on the Player's Bench, our online sports forum. Our topics can include sports in general, as well as sports coverage on ESPN TV, ESPN.com, ESPN The Magazine and ESPN Radio, as well as evaluating newer consumer product initiatives such as ESPN video games, ESPN DVDs, and the ESPN Credit Card.

Please go to https://www.ESPNFanZone.com to sign up today (you must complete the registration to qualify). Your opinion counts - come join the exclusive ESPN Fan Zone panel today!

Sincerely,
ESPN


OBEY THE LEADER!

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 6:41 PM 4 Comments Links to this post

Slacking

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

So I've been slacking a bit lately. I know all of you are disappointed in me, but hey....everyone needs a break now and then. With the O's signing 70 old relievers, the Redskins fans thinking they have a shot at the playoff, and the Wizards under performing.....I'm a little bitter.

But then the Terps come in and get me all excited again. It's an addiction I swear. So I'll be back in full force later this week, and in the meantime I give you a Brent Musburger quote and two great sports "articles".....one on sports announcing and one on sports writing.

"The Illini need to start jackin' it here"- Brent Musburger on the Illini losing to MD late in the game
John Madden Remind Viewers of Importance of Quarterback to NFL Teams (The Onion)
"If Denver, for example, didn't have a quarterback, they could maybe hand the ball off to the running back, but there's absolutely no way the Broncos could pass the ball to the receivers. Frankly, I don't know how the Raiders do it."
Pop-up to Second Baseman Reminds Sportswriter of Relationship With Father (The Onion)
Angell wrote in his essay entitled Pine-Tar Heart. "And from that mighty cut, a white egg tumbled from the heavens back into its safe leather nest, resistant to flying away and leaving the men who love it and need it. Only in baseball and fatherhood can a swing so utterly well-intended and so utterly perfectly orchestrated fail so utterly in its attempt to produce the desired results."



Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:31 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

Welcome Back

Monday, November 27, 2006

Hey, how was your Thanksgiving? It was good? Sweet.

You know what else is sweet? Three football games on Turkey Day.....that rocks.

You know what else else is sweet? Sunday Night Football. Yes, I know that John Madden is senile and Al Michaels is spread so thin in the sports world that he doesn't know who Brian Westbrook is......but it always feels like such a big game when those two are involved.

The halftime show is solid (especially when Peter King takes the day off), and the flex game thingy is just rad. With that said.....here are some senile moments from John Madden during last night's game.

"That's why you get the ball to Westbrook. He can run the ball further than Garcia can throw it."- JM, Now I know T.O. called Garcia gay, but I'm pretty sure that Garcia can throw the ball further than a guy running against 11 guys. Wait.....maybe John IS right.

"That Westbrooks is a player"- JM, I hate when people add random "S"s to people's names. Just bugs me for some reason.

"Garcia throws the slant better than anyone in the league"- JM, Umm okay?? Is that why the Browns let him go for Charlie Frye? I would be that the guy on the other side of the field is the best, but I could be wrong.
......and my personal favorite (see video below)



Not sure why they had a plane landing coming back from commercial (almost exactly like the clip above), but it lead to this exchange....
"Does that make you nervous John?"- AM
"Umm no. Because I'm not sure what THAT is."- JM
"It's a plane landing John"- AM
"Oh no.....I would NOT want to be there.
Too funny. You are getting long in the tooth John, but I still love you.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 9:28 AM 3 Comments Links to this post

What's Wrong In Oaktown?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Great article from Nancy Gay on why the 49ers are fairing better than the hopeless Raiders. I hate to pile on, but I'm pretty bitter about the NFL right now. The best part is when Nancy is describing the offense.....

"After the Raiders lost to the Broncos 17-13 in Week 10, Jordan revealed that the team went into that game with only three running plays. THREE? Tecmo Bowl was infinitely more complicated than that."
Now that's comedy, but seriously....three? Art Shell is the most un-inventive coach since the forward pass was invented.














Raiders, Niners go their separate ways. (SF Gate)

For all other Raiders matters go here. (The Hater Nation)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 1:36 PM 4 Comments Links to this post

Ebay? Really Bobby???

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Found this story this morning, and it was too good not to pass on. Why does Bobby Bowden think his son was fired? Read for yourself

“Because you all ignited it,” he said to a small room of reporters. “You listen to eBay and e-mail and all that junk, and you all kept writing about it and that fans it and makes it grow and grow, and it becomes a cancer. That’s why.”
Now that is comedy, and not Michael Richards comedy.

Every Day Should Be Sunday

Fanhouse

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:40 AM 4 Comments Links to this post

5'9" vs. 7'6"



I love Clark Kellogg's emotion. Like it was the most boring play ever.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:18 AM 1 Comments Links to this post

What We'll I'll Be Watching Tonight

Monday, November 20, 2006

Instead of live-blogging the MNF game I'm going to be doing a pseudo live-blog of all the night's action. Here's where I'll be.....chime in if you please.

Starting around 6/7PM- Maui Invitational- Purdue/GT, Duke/Airforce, DePaul/Kentucky, and UCLA/Chaminade (ESPN), Is it just me or does the Maui never disappoint?

8pm- Winthrop/MD (Comcast), Dangerous game for MD. Watch for Winthrop to go zone and force MD to shoot jumpers

All NBA Action (League Pass)

830pm- Monday Night Football....Giants/Jags.

See you tonight.
_____________________________________

Good evening. I'm on AIM tonight at AwfulAnnouncing. If you catch something from the Announcers that I don't, or you just want to talk sports. Send something my way.

I don't know the right way to say this, but Rick Majerus has gotten so fat that you can't understand a word he says. I'm no slender cat myself, but when your jowls stop you from doing your job.....cut back on the Krispy Kremes a tad.

Also, the Bobcats have new jerseys.....they don't look too bad. They get to show them off to the Mavericks and the 3,000 in attendance this Monday night.

"Pac Man Jones.....he could eat all the Dots!!!!!"- Chris Berman, oh god....this is how we are starting the night?

Great Dickie V is on the Duke game tonight.....GT easily dispatches of Purdue. The kid Kramer on Purdue impressed me in the 10 mins I watched.

P.S.- Dorris Burke is there as well........YES!

Wow Jake Voskhul is still employed......that's nice.

Side note: I cannot stand Greg Paulus. If I hear that he has a "football mentality while on the court" one more time....I swear.....

One of the Dallas Announcers just started doing a Marvin the Martian impression......pretty solid.

I hate watching the Rockets play, but Yao is becoming a stud. He has one hell of a jumper.

Don't know how I went the whole day without seeing that Andre Waters committed suicide, but that sucks.

Stats on Monday Night Countdown as Tiki is warming up.......TDs in the past few years.....Yards in the past few years......Fumbles in the past few years.......Tiki has wrote 2 children's books with his twin brother Ronde. Come on ESPN.

Side Note: Were you aware that Tiki Barber is retiring? I had no idea.
_____________________

MNF starts......watching this game is going to test my patience as a sports fan because I could really care less about this thing.

3-0 Giants.....exciting stuff.

3-3.....I really have nothing to say. My heart isn't in this at all.

Maurice Jones Drew told Suzy Kolber that his favorite player was Fred Taylor and that he used him in Madden all the time. Methinks that is a lie.

"This should either be an incompletion or a catch"- JT, on a review. Wow....I think I just got dumber. (Good lookin' World Wide Reader)

"There's Earnest Wiliford....his only problem is that he doesn't have the seniority that Jimmy Smith had."- JT, Umm what???? Is he serious? Wiliford can move the hands of time.

10-3 Jax.

Ronde Barber is good in the booth.

"You saw the touchdown where Garrard had all that energy. When he.....pointed towards the heavens."- TK, You're a writer we know. But there's no need for that embellishment in the booth.

Tirico asks Ronde about the Elisha Manning pickle and Joe Theismann completely interupts him when he was talking about the coverage.

Ronde has been in the booth for about 4 hours now. I think ESPN made an Executive Decision to keep Ronde in the seat because he's better than all of them

"I appreciate you letting me steal some of your airtime"- RB

Halftime.....10-3 Jax. Shoot me.

13-10...Plax scores, and I'm done. I can't watch this crap, and I hope that you can't either. MNF is done as we know it.

One more......."As you know from last week one play can make the difference. The 3rd and 22 and the FG"- MT, Go to hell ESPN......seriously.

Sorry just can't get away.....

"He's the most natural ball catcher on this team"- JT on Matt Jones, Joe.......HE WAS A QUARTERBACK IN COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How is he the most natural receiver on the team?!?!

Jesus Christ.....please fire this guy. Please.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 3:57 PM 14 Comments Links to this post

AA Hearts......

OHIO.

Umm, no. Actually I don't. Sure the state in general is fine, and I like the people (my GF is an OSU alum), but there has to be something in the water during Michigan games.

Ever since I gloated in a friend's face, when his team (Duke) lost in the tourney to a team I didn't even care about (Indiana), i've always tried to be reasonable when talking trash and/or gloating. Looking back on that incident I felt (and still feel) like a complete dick, and was lucky that I didn't get hit (This isn't the only time that's happened either. See Ravens/Giants SuperBowl in 2000).

Ohio State fans not only do this, but they get some sort of sick joy out of making Michigan fans miserable by any means necessary. The Germans call this Schadenfreude.

Without getting into a lot of detail (there was a lot of gloating involved and a pretty bad joke about Bo Schembechler) it was a long weekend. It sucks Michigan lost, but they lost to an ultimately better team playing at home. It sucks Bo died because he was my favorite coach growing up. It sucks that the pollsters think that there shouldn't be a rematch. And it sucked driving home the next day and seeing that there were already T-Shirts for sale with the score listed on them. But what are you going to do about it?

In times like these I always go to my source for inspirational quotes and that is the 1986 movie......RAD.

Plot Summary from IMDB: The story of Cru Jones, a young man who can overcome all obstacles that prevent him from participating in the BMX race "Helltrack." As he works towards his dream, Cru falls in love with Christian (Aunt Becky from Full House), an amateur racer. With the help of Christian and his friends, can Cru's "Rad Racing Team" defeat the top BMX factory rider, Bart Taylor?
As Cru comes to one of these obstacles in the movie....a cop, who Cru challenged to a BMX vs. Motorcylcle race in the lumber yard daily, stands up to defend the young lad.
"Well, if Cru can't compete in Hell Track......well......I guess were going all just have to learn to.....Live with It."














So to the Awful Girlfriend and OSU Alums like yourself. Feel free to continue your barrage of insults and continue to fuel that pure hatred. Us Michigan fans will just learn to live with it. And if there's a rematch....I'd be worried. But if there isn't.....well we know who to root against. There's something to be said about Karma here....but I can't quite think of what it would be. Maybe someone from the #3 Philosophy School in the nation could tell me? But what school could that be???

Philosophical Gourmet

Best Team? Yes. Best Fans? Not even close. (The M Zone)

You stay classy Ohio.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:55 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

It's All About The Snaps!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

So we're cutting out of work early today to go with the Awful Girlfriend (ladies don't worry she approved the title) to her Awful home state of Ohio. That's right....I (a Michigan fan) will be in enemy territory this weekend. And on top of that the AG is an Ohio State Alum (don't ask....and yes we've seen the ESPN commercial).

So I couldn't hope for anything more than yelling Go Blue at all of THE degected OSU Fans while I "Dot the I" (pee) in Mirror Lake.

But if Michigan Wins the AG probably wouldn't talk to me the rest of the weekend. Hmm, maybe that's not such a bad idea???? (Just kidding Honey!)

I will be back with you Monday to share all of my tales from the trip I've dubbed, "To Hell and Back". In the meantime please check out this video on Announcers by Effin Matty. Effin Matty is one of the many reasons that YouTube Rocks! The Robin Williams impression is going to pay off big time one day buddy!!!!

(Also head to my favorite Michigan site MGOBLOG for your osu/Michigan fix.)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 1:39 PM 5 Comments Links to this post

AA Hearts......

The Seattle Announcing team of Kevin Calabro and Craig Ehlo (yes, that Craig Ehlo).

These two are a blast to listen to while watching Sonics games on the League Pass (via FSN). Calabro is solid and has some pretty awesome catchphrases....i.e. "Get up on the Downstroke". And Craig Ehlo....well Craig had me rolling on the ground at one point.

The Highlights from the Phi/Sea game......

"And Iverson....with the million dollar move and five dollar finish"- KC

Coming back from commercial playing Public Enemy's Don't Believe the Hype, "And Iverson with three days rest is getting his swerrrrrve on."- KC
[This was only funny because he was mocking the intro music. Or at least that's how I took it (and that's all that matters really)]

and the Craig Ehlo line......
"There was a great screen there"- KC
"Oooh and it looks like it upset Willie Green's entire family tree"- CE
Green was originally drafted by the Sonics and had a ton of his family in the lower level. He was blasted on a screen by Nick Collison and the area behind the Sixers bench went balistic. It was a clean screen and a funny as hell comment from Ehlo.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:37 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Welcome to Page 2 Jungle Jemele

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

You gonna die!!!!!!!!!! Muahahahahaha.

At least that's what I imagine the conversation going like after the newest member of Page 2 Jemele Hill signed her pact with the devil (well the real devil and the sports devil).

The long anticipated day is here (TBL, DS, OS) Jemele's first column at Page 2!!!!!!

I'm Hearing Voices (Page 2)

"Sometimes, I hear voices in my head. And, sometimes, I talk back. If you want to get to know me, listen to both of us.
Maybe you should start with a funny story?"

[Ohhh!!!! I get it......her alter ego is in italics.
That's stupid.]

"That might work. I could tell them the only reason I started taking journalism classes was because sex ed at my high school was being taught by someone who looked like he hadn't had sex since the Eisenhower administration."

[That's edgy talking about sex and all.
Edgy yes.....funny.....no.]

OK. Hi, I'm Jemele Hill, the new Page 2 columnist. I'm 30 years old. I'm from Detroit (please spare me the 9,000 e-mails comparing Detroit to Uzbekistan and Fallujah). I like the smell of lavender, the iridescent glow from a full moon, and …
I think you confused this with your Match.com profile.

[Good bio.....Uzbek and Match.com jokes can be funny.
Ummm no.....they can't.]

Do you know what you're getting into here? After all, African-Americans who work at ESPN.com have been accused of "bojangling" -- you know, behaving like a clown and making black people look bad. Are you going to be ESPN.com's black female bojangler?
Sorry, what did you say? I was too busy Googling tap shoes, canes and clown noses. Repeat the question.

[Well at least she acknowledges the problems ESPN has been having at Page 2.
Umm yeah, she does....by "writing like a clown" and using bad jokes again."]


Listen, do you actually have something to say?
Look, I'm going to try to bring a sense of humor to this thing. I'm not going to take myself too seriously, but I do have something to say. I'm not here to be the voice of Black America. I'm here to be a voice. There's a difference.

[Well that's good and perhaps a welcome change?
Yeah, go ahead and believe that asshat.]

So, if you're not a bojangler, what kind of columnist are you?
C'mon, that's not what you really want to know. You want to know if I think O.J. did it, if I believe Barry Bonds cheated, if I'll stick up for T.O., if I love the WNBA, if I'll defend Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, if I hate white people, if I hate black people, and if I think the Duke lacrosse players actually raped the black exotic dancer/college student/single mother.

[Umm no, that's not what I want to know. I want to know if you are going to be a normal reporter/journalist who doesn't put spin on stories (Scoop), who doesn't whine constantly (Simmons), who's ego is so huge that they can't fit in a room (Bayless, and umm Simmons). I could care less about the race issues. Be a reporter for Outside the Lines if you want to talk about that.
Umm, yeah.....what he said (I can't argue that point).]

I am the columnist who plays the would-this-happen-to-a-white-guy game because there are just too many double standards. But I'm equal opportunity with the game, including Hispanics, Asians, women and men.

[Umm....I know I'm supposed to be the angel in this discussion here, but this lady is losing me. How about looking at sports as a whole?
Told you. I warned you this was coming.]

For example, would the NHL ever dream of tampering with the puck without consulting its players, the way the NBA did with its ball? And if it did, would NHL players be considered "whiners" for complaining about it?

[Wait......what's the NHL? Just kidding....that is a good point though.
Do you think I care about the damn new basketball anymore? We're three weeks into the season already!
Good Point.]

But let me get away from the race thing because I don't want you to think that's all I can talk about. To answer your original question, as a columnist, I hope to make you think, piss you off, make you laugh, make you reach for Advil, and make you cry. Mostly, though, I hope to make you read.
If this is some sort of preview of what you're going to be like on Page 2, I think half of the people who read this will find you annoying. Maybe more than half.
Hey, this is no different from any long-term relationship with a girlfriend, boyfriend or pet. At some point, your boyfriend wants to put anthrax in your makeup. At some point, your girlfriend wants to substitute your coffee with motor oil. But that doesn't mean there isn't any real love there. Or maybe those are just my relationships.

[Wait....the girlfriend gets killed and the boyfriend just drinks oil? What is this chick talking about?
That's right my friend....come over to the darkside! You know you hate her already!
That is not true.....I'm trying to give her a chance!]

Subject change. What's your take on hip-hop?

[Okay enough Alter Ego Jemele.....I don't care about Real Jemele's take on hip-hop.
Muhahahaha. Can you feel it? The hate coursing through your veins???]

I'll rephrase in hopes of getting a better answer: What do you hate in sports?
Athletes who thank Jesus in the camera and bed groupies off camera. Coaches who demand loyalty, but don't have any. That no matter how good a white athlete is, people will always believe he gets by on intelligence. And no dotted circle in college basketball. That one really burns me.

[Wait didn't she just say that she was "the columnist who plays the would-this-happen-to-a-white-guy game because there are just too many double standards. But I'm equal opportunity with the game, including Hispanics, Asians, women and men."??? I don't see in there that she's sticking up for the John Stocktons and Ed McCaffreys of the world.
Here it comes everyone......just be patient.]

Give me two truths people refuse to accept.
1. Kobe Bryant is the best player in the NBA until LeBron starts playing defense consistently. Yes, I know King James led the league in steals, but playing passing lanes and individual D are two different things. The only reason Kobe didn't win MVP is because most sportswriters are men, and to them, Kobe's tattle-telling on Shaq was an unforgivable violation of a dearly held Man Law: Never snitch on your boy.

[Oh F That! Neither of them is the best player in the NBA!!!! You have to be kidding me. Not only did she look over Steve Nash (who is white), but what about Shaq? You know the guy you mentioned in the sentence above? The guy Kobe can't win a title without? The guy who won a title with Dwayne Wade last year? And Man Laws are the reason he didn't get voted for?!?!?!?!?!?!?! How about the fact that he cheated on his wife and was on trial for rape? Nope couldn't be that at all.
Told you it was coming.]

Any last words?
Got any idea where I could get a good clown outfit?

[Shoot me in the face. Me too please. Also, I'm in no way jealous she makes $200,000 a year. Bullshit.]












(Our girl Jemele rollin' wit Willis McGahee.)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 4:16 PM 22 Comments Links to this post

Bobby Knight Did What????

You're kidding me right? He hit a player? How did I not find about this sooner? Why didn't ESPN cover this at all?

Just messing around. Of course it's everywhere, and I would have made a post but couldn't find the video. Instead I waited a day and found this gem from CSTV. Unlike the spin on ESPN...CSTV tells it how it is.



Also see our favorite title for a Knight Post....

Bob Knight Hits a Player, Also Known as Monday (Saved by the Blog)

And the place that always seems to have the info first these days.....

Bob Knight Getting Slap-Happy (The Big Lead)

I'm really proud of you ESPN.....you sure do pick the right people to back.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 2:17 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

Awesome Baby!

Okay enough of that sentimental babble. For those of you who think that I'm a "horrible writer and should stick to making fun of people" (real quote)......we're back to what you love (that was quick right?).

It's college basketball time and who is at the top of our List?......Dick Vitale (actually Billy "Fudge" Packer is at the tippy top, but who's counting?)

Already quoted by Dick Vitale this year......

"I can't wait to get to Cameron Baby and see the new Crazies!!!"
And felate Coach K, and felate Christian Laettner, Chris Collins, Steve Wojo, JJ Reddick, Greg Paulus, or whichever white player is starting on the team.....oh that's right it's Jon Scheyer this year (thank god Paulus is hurt)!

Seriously though, Dick Vitale is an ambassador for the game of basketball and does wonderful work with the Jimmy V Foundation......but something has to be said for Broadcasting Integrity right? Come on Dickie....who did you pick this year? Come on...not a team from North Carolina. Big Money....Biiiiiig Money.....and STOP!

Goddamn it....he picked UNC. So much for that.

Dickie V's Sensational Sixteen (Dickie V)

(Also....the fact that Joe Lunardi picks a bracket before the season even starts boils our blood a little bit as well. Bracketology.)

Do you know what we do when we get upset at good ole' Dick....we watch this video of ex-Iowa State coach Johnny Orr giving Vitale the business as the coach of our Alma Mater Lefty looks on.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:55 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

WWJGD?





What Would Joe Gibbs Do?

Bear with me......I usually try not to bore with you about talk about MY teams, but you're going to get a good dose of it today. In my lifetime MY teams have won an NBA Championship, a World Series, a National Title, and three SuperBowls. Do I have a right to complain? Maybe/Maybe not, but I'm going to anyway(s).

Do you know how much it hurts to know that your favorite team doesn't have a shot at the playoffs in football? Football is like no other sport. There's not a period where you can go on a winning streak and makeup a ton of ground. There's not an All-Star Break to regroup. You have one....maybe two shots to put together some wins, and even then you still might not make the playoffs.

I'm sure most of you are aware of this "pain". Everyone is a fan of a different team in this here blogosphere, but not everyone is a fan of a team that is the "New Evil Empire".

Did us Redskins' Fans ask for this label? No. But are we taken in by it? Yeah, sure....a good bit. Did we think that the Spurrier Skins would put up 80 a game? Unfortunately yes. Did we think that Bruce Smith and Deion Sanders still had something left in the tank? Most of us. Do we think that we're going to win the SuperBowl every April? Guilty. Do we completely disregard that our team has the worst drafting resume in the history of football? You betcha. Did most of us mistake Daniel Snyder's ridiculous spending (ahem* Archuleta) for the desire of the Lombardi Trophy? Of course. And did every one of us thank god (no pun intended) when Snyder hired Joe Gibbs back? You're damn straight we did.

I was of the cloth that Joe Gibbs deserved a reprieve for everything that he's done in the past. Well that is until I saw this: Joe Gibbs' Spiritual Gameplan (DC Sports Bog)

"I'm seeing a lot of the problems right now. We've got players hurt from time to time, we had a very tough loss in New York, and it kind of gets you to say what? Man, I'm looking around at the circumstances and I'm saying 'Hey, I can't control all this.'...I'm at a point right now where I really have to say to the Lord, 'Hey look, I'm gonna try to not look at my circumstances. We're 2-3 right now, we've had three tough losses. I don't want to look at those circumstances, Lord, I just want to look at you and I want to stay focused on you and I want to say to you, save me.'"
You are the head coach of the football team!!! What do you mean you can't control this?!?!?! I take that as meaning one of two things:

1) That you believe that God has already mapped out your life (and the season) and you are just going along for the ride.

Well if that's the case then why even play/coach the games?

2) That you fired yourself last year when you gave up the duty of calling the offensive plays.

Seriously, what does Joe Gibbs do now? He doesn't call the offense....he doesn't provide the gameplan....he doesn't even talk to players on the sidelines during games! He is basically a spiritual leader for those on the team who want one.

In most professions it's great to have a figurehead, but in Football that just doesn't fly. I'm not going to go that deep into the debate of Religion, but I think it does play a great part in Sport. With that said, there's no way that it should stop you from doing your job. Regardless of my views on Religion....I have a huge problem with someone who is getting $6 million dollars and not doing their job. I mean Gibbs won't even look at Field Goals....he just turns and says a silent prayer.

Faith and Hope are great things, but when you're just doing your job on a "wing and a prayer" (pun intended) that's when I begin to have a problem with it. As of today, I think the Redskins should fire Joe Gibbs at the end of the season. Is it borderline sacrilegious for me to say that? Sure. But I am one of those who believes God (if there is one) doesn't care about Football games.

Mr. Gibbs is going into the rest of the season with (hopefully) his new savior. He wears the same number, and is an African-American Quarterback like a former savior. Do you know what the difference between the two of them is?

This Quarterback's initials are JC. Coincidence?

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:17 AM 6 Comments Links to this post

Those Giant Flags Are Dangerous (Too Funny)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 2:36 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

MNF Redux- Belgian Waffle Edition

So what's weirder than actually having Jeff Gordon in the booth during the game? Giving him a Belgian waffle maker because his wife is from Belgium. Yep, Tony presented it to him in the booth. Just stupid.

As for the game itself....it wasn't bad (announcing overall not the gameplay), but the problem lies in the games alone. Like I've said many times before....If you have a boring game it doesn't make a difference what you do to jazz it up. Mike Tirico will always just be okay, Joe will try his hardest to be relevant but end up sounding idiotic, and Tony will clam up. That's just the way it is, and will be.

Jeff Gordon wasn't bad in the booth, but fans can smell cross-promotion a mile away. At least he knows what football is (unlike Christian Slater), and he has to have been the second best guest in my mind (Chuckie Barkley). The intro was okay as well (see below)....if you're going to have it at least make it relevant (Umm, I guess the new Tenacious D movie is relevant).

With all of that said it just isn't getting any better. Even a hardcore fan like myself couldn't last through the end of this one.......I flipped it over to Adult Swim only part the way through the fourth and fell asleep. I honestly thought that these announcers would be hilarious to watch in these bad games (one way or another), but it's really just dreadful. No excitement, crappy promotions, and stupid jokes. That's not a winning formula.

Anywho, here are your announcing highlights....umm, highlighted by Mr. Relevance Joe Theismann:

"John Fox said they did a lot of scouting of themselves and found out that the players were going to have to make plays"- JT, Yeah......it was that kind of night.

"He's unblockable when he sets his mind to it"- JT on Julius Peppers, Okay Joe...I'll bite. Why doesn't he set his mind to it every play then?

"And Tiki's brother almost gets the interception there"- MT, Wait Ronde and Tiki are twins??? No F'ing way!!!
And your winner.......After Gradkowski overthrew Galloway early.....
"At least underthrow it so Galloway can Fair Catch it."- JT
Wow......I'm at a loss for words. I pray that he meant something different, but he sounded like someone who had never watched football before. You know.....like Christian Slater.


Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:01 AM 2 Comments Links to this post

What We'll Be Watching Tonight

Monday, November 13, 2006

We're sick as a dog today, so we're probably skipping a live-blog of yet another exciting MNF game. Oh well right? But we'll be taking notes and so should you. Feel free to email or post here. Good day.

7pm- Georgia Southern/Duke CBB- ESPN 2, Duck Fuke.....boy I'm clever.

7:30pm- All the NBA action- League Pass, How many points Dwayne Wade will get against the Knicks tonight Becky?

8pm- How I met your Mother- CBS, This is truly a guilty pleasure of ours.

8:30pm- Bucs/Panthers MNF- ESPN, Helmet pickup prediction: Kevin Federline

9pm- Lafayette/Indiana CBB- ESPN 2, Early favorite for most boring game of the CBB season.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 5:04 PM 6 Comments Links to this post

The Rookies

We're using the nickname the Leader has dubbed them to title this post. The Rookies are the aforementioned newest editions to ESPN's NBA broadcasts. When they say something "Rookie Like" we (or our readers) will be there. First up.....ex-WNBA'er Becky Hammon.

From reader Ben:

I don't know if you happened to tune into the WWL's coverage of the Heat-Rockets last night since it was going on during the SNF game, but Becky Hammon did quite a job making a fool of herself. Just before halftime, Dwyane Wade had a nice putback of his own miss to put the Heat up by a few points, so she got a hold of him, and a camera caught a shot of her with Wade getting ready for the interview, so I kept it on to listen. The commentators turned it over to her for the actual interview, and the first thing she says is, "So Lebron..." It was all downhill from there. She corrected herself but didn't actually apologize for calling him the wrong name. She then bumbled through trying to ask him about that last play with a question that made little to no sense, to which Wade gave a generic response (probably because he wasn't quite sure what she was asking - neither was I). She got another shot during the second half to give another report, but again she was stumbling for words, and this time she didn't even have the camera on her, so she could have been reading off a pad of paper for all I know. I was just waiting for her to say "Boom goes the dynamite!"














Dammit Becky....quit trying to distract us from making fun of you with that cute ass puppy.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:42 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

Toledo/NIU Video

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Tell me these guys aren't smoking something....

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:21 PM 5 Comments Links to this post

Wednesday Night Smorgasboard

This is a grab bag collection of the Announcing Quotes last night. We're still reeling from Delonte West using the power of herpes to lead the Celts to victory. We enjoyed Jon Barry again, and we're are at the point where we can barely even listen to Mike Breen and Hubie Brown. They should not be calling Suns games that's all I'm saying......maybe Spurs/Heat, but not the Suns.

Anywho....here we go.....

“During that possession San Antonio came out and play zone”- Hubie Brown, Read it again....then laugh.

“This is what this young guy Steve Nash gives the offense”- Hubie Brown, Steve Nash is 32 and has been in the league ten years. But I guess everyone is young to Father Time.

“Look for the press after this made free throw from Kobe….(No press)….Well, THEY’RE AFRAID OF DAN DIKAU!”- Trail Blazers color guy Mike Rice, Yep. Dan Dickau.

"Corliss Williams………….son"- Mike Tirico, A good 5 seconds passed before he remembered the end of Corliss' name.

“I figured with all the rule changes and the new ball that they might enlist a designated free throw shooter. I’d stay in the hallway ride a bike and then do my thing…..then go back to the bike.”- Jon Barry, Hey they have it in baseball....who knows?

And the comment of the night:

“Boom you see that by Maryland the Rebound….Outlet…..and then they are right up your backside”- Jimmy Dykes

Whoa Jimmy.....whoa.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:16 AM 1 Comments Links to this post

What We'll Be Watching Tonight

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

NCAA Basketball- Terps/Vermont 7pm (we'll actually get to see this one- ESPN2)

NBA Basketball- We'll stop by every game because of the League Pass. You can probably bet on a "Game you don't want to watch post" (ESPN/NBA TV)

Lost- We think the show is going downhill, but we can't miss it. (ABC)

You can post comments on the games/announcing here. And if there are a lot of you.....we may just grace you with our presence. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 4:29 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

Boise State Has A Nice F-You to The Leader

Boise State Says No to ESPN (Scout.com via Deadspin)

Bravo Boise State....I knew there was a reason I liked you. That and the Smurf Turf.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 3:56 PM 3 Comments Links to this post

AA Hearts......







The Midweek College Football Team on ESPN.

You may say to yourself "Here's a guy" (sorry my inner Theeeesman/Madden was coming out) who hates everything ESPN. Well not entirely true....just mostly true.

For example, I HATE ESPN U. The local feeds didn't have the MD game on last night, so ESPN U has now stolen two games I wanted to see (Michigan Football). I have not met one person who has that damn channel. If you have it please let me know....I really want to make sure Dream Job's Mike Hall is doing okay. Okay? Okay.

Anywho, the normal Thursday Night Team of Fowler and Herbstreit is very good, but the Widweek team of John Saunders, Craig James, and Doug Flutie rocks. Not as great announcers, but because they are like college kids commenting on a game.

The three of them sound like they are either A) Drunk B) Stoned, or C) Both when they call games. I actually laugh out-loud at some of things that are said. Now you ask why didn't I bring this up before? Well I noticed it the first game of the season when they had Flutie calling the BC game, but last night was just amazing.

Toledo was at Northern Illinois and the Fog for the night game was just massive. It was tough to make out the player's numbers and the game was also very boring. Well the three of them just joked on each other until the end when it actually got exciting and then called a perfect finish. Some highlights.....

"The fog comes rolling back in....why do we say rolling when it comes to Fog?"- CJ
"Well......"- JS
"I mean I know it's probably because of the tide or something."- CJ
"Fog is just low lying clouds. And you say the clouds are rolling in often."- JS
"Do we really? Clouds "ROLLING" in?"- CJ

Hilarious exchange because Craig sounded like a stoner. It reminded me of the conversation from Animal House between Professor Jennings and Otter. "That means one tiny atom in my fingernail could be could be one little tiny universe?" Could l buy some pot from you John Saunders?

“And the punt returner is just going to let it die dead”- JS
"Die Dead? Is that what I just said?"- JS

"And they throw into the endzone to I think a photographer”- JS
"To Casper"- CJ
"Cassssper"- DF (think of Jeff Spicoli saying Casper)
"Casper
the intended receiver"- CJ

I just about lost it on this exchange, but the spit take was yet to come.
Scene: With very little time in the 4th Craig James was diagramming a play when the booth freaked out.......

CJ: Three wide.....
JS: What the heck?
DF: Was that a?
JS: I think that was a bat?
CJ: And as you can see here the receiver.....
DF: A Bat?
JS: A bat just flew into our booth!
CJ: A Bat?
JS: It was either a bat or the largest darn moth I've ever seen!

And.......SCENE!

It was so funny that I'm still laughing about it. If anyone has video I will worship the ground you walk on.

And guys....it wasn't a bat. You were just having a flashback.

***Update***

Matt at the Futon Report has a different take on the trio with valid points. I can see how the crazy banter might have gotten annoying if I was a fan of either team, or the MAC.

Fog Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (The Futon Report)


Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:37 PM 3 Comments Links to this post

Dallas Mavericks- NOT Western Champs

Or at least that's what ESPN wants you to believe....Stan Verrett on SportsCenter last night:

"When we come back we'll talk about the Dallas Mavericks who were one game from the NBA Finals last year"-SV
Okay Stan, I'm pretty sure you said that wrong. Did you mean they were "one game from winning the NBA Finals"? Oh wait, they lost 4-2 to the Heat.....that can't be it. Okay Stan, what were you trying to say again?

(Sorry there were no pictures of Stan Verrett on the internet)

With help from World Wide Reader here's a photo of our boy Stanley. (Stan Verrett)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:08 AM 1 Comments Links to this post

Wow....College Basketball Starts Tonight!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006











Crazy isn't it? Well AA loves him some College Basketball, and what better way to start the season off by watching his Maryland Terps battle the Hampton Pirates in the 2K Sports Classic and see the Vermont Catamounts take on the Privateers of New Orleans!!! Such powerhouse matchups....who needs the Maui Invitational???

Also, as much as we love Maryland, you can guess how much we hate Duke. And it looks like the Cameron Crazies have been put at bay a little bit by the Durham Authorities.

Down in Front (ESPN)

This is pretty irrelevant because Duke fans jumped the shark years ago...

The games are being aired on ESPN U, so you won't likely be able to view them, but we're hoping for a local feed and perhaps a live-blog. So come back later won't you and remember Fear the Turtle.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:55 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

MNF=Very Bad Things

So I told you before that the wheels were coming off this thing about Week 8 during the NE/Minn game followed by a boring game of Oakland/Seattle. Well I had no idea how right I would be and how ridiculously bad it would get. I just couldn't bring myself to live-blog last night. There was no point really, but I sat through most of it anyway.

Loverboy himself (complete with leather jacket and camo pants?!?!) picked up the helmet to start this suckfest, and from the get-go it just reeked. First words uttered by Mike Tirico....

"One of the greatest atmospheres in all of sport"- MT
I'm sorry....I know Qwest Field is loud as hell, but is it really one of the greatest atmospheres in all of sport? If anyone out there is from Seattle correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the city just start caring about football again in the past few years? Maybe saying something like "One of the loudest stadiums in the NFL" would work, but in all of sport? That's a stretch.

On a side note.....Can someone tell me where Suzy is every other week?

Tony K. was on his A-Game last night as well.......
"“Get the Ark and start loading the animals"”- TK
So you're telling me it's raining???? Couldn't tell by all the fans soaking their asses off in the stands.

Then we have The Boz.....I have nothing to say.

The Tony Awards???? Come on.

Then we have Christian F'ing Slater?!?!?!?! Why......seriously.....why? The ass knew nothing about football.
"Looks like they a’re a hair shy"”- MT
"Juuuust a hair shy"”- CS
"“Ho Ho look at that kick."”- CS
"Is this your first time at a game?"”- TK to CS

"So Christian are you a football fan?"- MT
"I have a lot of friends who are football fans."- CS

"I'm going to have to give a shout out sometime tonight"- CS
"Well just go ahead and do it."- JT
"HI MICHELLLLLLE!!!!"- CS
What the ____?!?!?! I can't even begin to put that abomination into words. At least Tony got a shot in, so that was good.

Side note: I think I ultimately hate conflict and embarassment. Like on reality shows I can never watch the fights....they just make me uncomfortable for some reason. Well, watching MNF try to make jokes and fill time during a boring game gives me that same feeling. I just cringe and change it to the Clippers/Trail Blazers game.

Buuuuut, I turn it back just in time to see Mikey Wilbon in the booth. And you know what? He is really good, so good in fact that I couldenvisioninvision a booth of Tirico, Wilbon, and Tony K. Joe didn't fit in while the others had a great chemistry going for half of the 4th quarter. Tony needs Wilbon to play off of....Joey T. just doesn't give him that.

I'd sign off on that team, but ESPN isn't that savvy. And this is just going to end badly during the Jets/Miami game Christmas night. Do you know why? Because there is not a Bowl Game, an NBA game, or a College Basketball game on that night. I won't be able to change the channel....I'll just be able to stare blankly at my new wallpaper......















***UPDATES***

Worldwide Reader said... Didn't catch more than 5 minutes of this atrocity last night - but I thought I heard Theesman say something to the effect of: "You can tell how good a quarterback is by watching his feet." God, I hate that man.

I missed that, but that's about the 50th time he's tried to use that reference.

Chip Wesley said...Theismann during pregame: JT: "(Seneca Wallace) gets his first start at home tonight and will play in front of a home crowd." Really? That's good, it sucks when your first start at home is in front of the opponent's crowd.

Too funny.

jason said...i'm from seattle, and will say that even before qwest opened, the kingdome was always one of the loudest venues & seahawks fans have always shown up for the games. i'd dial the hyperbole back a little & say it's one of the best atmospheres in the NFL. the mariners, and to a degree the sonics, have fairweather fans, but that hasn't been as big a problem with the seahawks.

in (slight) defense of tony's 'ark' comment, we received a record amount of rain on monday. there was massive flooding throughout the state.

Okay...I can agree with the Seattle part. But not the Tony part....I knew about the rain and it still wasn't funny. Maybe his humor is wasted on someone my age?

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:44 AM 8 Comments Links to this post

New Feature- The Game You Don't Care About #2

Our second installment takes us to SACtown as the visiting Timberwolves are laying an egg....

We pick the game up with 9 minutes left in the 4th.....The score Kings 80-69.

High scoring affair I know.

Kevin Garnett dunks a ball on the break and just destroys his Left Hamstring as he was fouled and no whistle on the break. He hung on the rim a bit to long and came down as awkward as I felt when I learned Doogie Howser was gay (he is convincing as hell as a player in How I Met Your Mother).

Kings up 11 and Ron Artest looks unstoppable when he wants to be.

The reason you don't care about this game #1......The leading scorer is Mike James.

"Little hippity hop to the Barber Shop and the Barber Shop was closed"- Sac Announcer on a Mike Bibby travel.

The reason you don't care about this game #2.....Marco Jaric looks like a Chechnyan Rebel (yes I looked that up in wikipedia and I spelled it right the first time. What's up JMU education!)

91-73 Kings

I'm not kidding when I say this....Minnesota looks like the worst team in basketball tonight. And yes, I've seen the Knicks play.

Minnesota's Lineup: KG, M. Jaric, Troy Hudson, Randy Foye, and Craig Smith....yes Craig Smith from BC.

93-75 Kings.....1:46 left.

The reason you don't care about this game #3......I watched it and you didn't.

93-81 Kings.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:31 AM 7 Comments Links to this post

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Monday, November 06, 2006

You're getting a quicky this morning because I missed a good portion of the games over the weekend. You're one quote for today comes from Mr. Alan Richard Michaels. After a Reggie Wayne fumble on the sideline during last night's NBC Sunday game.....Alan took us to that magical place....

“The Ball lying there like a….a....piece of gold waiting to be recovered”- AM
Just a beautiful picture Al painted there. And all Dallas Clark could do was to kick said piece of gold out of bounds. Thanks Al and Dallas.....The Leprachauns win again.

(P.S.- I write my notes on Word Docs at night and sometimes leave my laptop unattended. When I opened up the one from last night I had this quote waiting for me....."Look at Brady, laying there with his backside in the air. Like an acre of tobacco ready to be picked and dried."- AM. I'm pretty sure Alan didn't say that, but I might have missed it and my roommate was just being helpful.)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 9:52 AM 2 Comments Links to this post

NBA- The Nodoubt Boring Association

Friday, November 03, 2006

You don't like me and I don't like you.....let's just get this over with. I need somewhere to write and this is the only place that would have me. Feel free to bash if you wish hypocrites....doesn't bother me a bit.

So we've come to my last post of the day, and I have to say that it's been good getting some of this off my chest. Ever since I told Page 2 I didn't want to write for them I've been itching to get back to my typewriter (yes I still use a typewriter).

NBA started the other day and I couldn't be less interested. I know in the past I've compared everyone to Michael Jordan (Kobe v. MJ, Lebron v. MJ, Kobe v. Lebron, Barry Bonds v. MJ, etc.), but this year over any other there's no one to even try to compare. There are zero interesting plot lines, and if I was starting a team I don't think I'd want any of them. I'll take my team of Rudy T, Dave Cowens, Kurt Rambis, Chris Chambers, and Danny Ainge versus your squad of Lebron, Kobe, Wade, Shaq, and Anthony anyday. What happened to the good old days?

Well that's it for an NBA preview, but I'd like to say a few things about myself......

You know who I identify with? Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly. Those are true blooded Americans who tell it who it is without fear of looking dumb. Like when Rush said that Donovan McNabb was an awful QB and was only praised because the media wanted a black QB to succeed. He was spot on. What has McNabb done as a QB really? Sure he took the Eagles to a SuperBowl with T.O., but did he win it????? No. And the Michael J. Fox thing???? Puuuuhlease Faker.....save me.

And for O'Reilly who can forget when he got Ludacris kicked off the Pepsi ads he was doing because of his gross music that talked about beating women. Bravo. In fact that's what is wrong with the NBA today. Who cares if Bill sexual harassed a co-worker....he was taking a stand against this degenerative hip-hop culture. And so what if he construes information about wars and says we bombed innocent people when Americans were the ones who were bombed! It's not always about facts people. It's about passing opinions off as facts, and don't you ever forget that.

Yours Truly,

John Edward Bayless III

P.S.- This guy gets it......

peytonloveskenny said...Skip Bayless is the most clever, intelligent sportswriter in the history of the world.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 2:27 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

Improper Touching

You don't like me and I don't like you.....let's just get this over with. I need somewhere to write and this is the only place that would have me. Feel free to bash if you wish hypocrites....doesn't bother me a bit.

I've always respected someone like Harold Reynold's. You know someone who doesn't sensationalize things, doesn't make outlandish remarks, and actually provides statistical evidence. But Harold made the worst possible mistake......he's taking on the Worldwide Leader. You just don't do that.

Look, I've had my issues before....I've "improper touched" and I've been "Improperly Touched". Like back when I call Troy Aikman a homosexual. The whole Dallas Cowboys team wanted to beat my ass. But guess what....they didn't, and do you know why? Because I tell it like it is and you're a hypocrite. You don't like it? I don't care.

Who told the Ohio State faithful that the were lucky to win the 2002 National Championship? (I also came up with the clever name The Luckeyes. F'ing Genius!). Who said that Josh Howard's Timeout call in Game 5 of the Finals last year was the "Worst Call in Sports History"? Who called out Eddie Johnson on the Jim Rome show for his disgusting child pornography charges? (Who cares if it was the wrong Eddie Johnson) Who said that Field Goals should be taken out of Football games all together? That's right me.

Remember who told you were an idiot in that SportsNation chat??? That was me too.

Did Harold Reynolds ever do any of that? Hell no. Do you know why? Because he's not me. You know what? I hate Harold Reynolds.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:31 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

World Series? More like World Bore-ies.

You don't like me and I don't like you.....let's just get this over with. I need somewhere to write and this is the only place that would have me. Feel free to bash if you wish hypocrites....doesn't bother me a bit.

Did you enjoy the World Series? Good, because I thought it was dreadful. The St. Louis Cardinals deserved to win this as much as Woody Paige deserves a job on television. Unlike your Awful Writer for this site I think David Eckstein is the worst player this side of A League of Their Own.

You may remember when I said, “Willie Mays’ catch in the 1954 World Series? It stunk! He was clearly out of position before the pitch- a clear sign that he was a loafer who didn’t take his defensive assignments seriously. He should’ve been booed and benched, not glorified and deified.”

Well I have more to add to that…..

- Kirk Gibson’s homer……boring.

- Magglio’s homer……weak.

- Don Larsen’s perfect game…..a farce.

- Kirby Puckett’s homer……tedious.

- Bill Buckner’s error……conspiracy theory.

- Carlton Fisk’s homer……foul.

- Jack Morris’ 10-innings……vasoline.

- Barry Bonds…..don’t get me started.

I could go on and on like I normally do but my “editor” is keeping me to a word limit. Let’s just put it this way……I would watch Hockey before I watched 10 minutes of this borefest. I even picked the Tigers to win the AL Wild Card at the beginning of the season and couldn’t watch this rubbish. So congrats St. Louis take your sham of a World Series victory and in enjoy it in the most crime ridden city in these United States.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:41 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Any guesses?

So your faithful host is taking the day off and will be repeatedly viewing Borat over and over until I pass out. We have a guest writer for today and he will be giving you his perspective on the biggest news stories of the past week or so.

He has been "let go" of his recent writing job.....His "partner in crime" is bailing on him.....and he really just needs to vent. So give him a hard time if you want (because I would...and I think he enjoys it). You should be able to figure out who it is after a few posts, so chime in and have fun.

Here are his topics for today:

- The World Series
- Harold Reynolds
- Start of the NBA Season

If you have anything else you'd like him to vent on you can email him at AwfulAnnouncing@gmail.com.

Enjoy!

XOXO,

AA

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 9:25 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Womaned Down

Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Big Lead has a story today of yet another talking head at ESPN screwing up, but this one seems worse than both the Lyons and Kinchen comments. Your culprit.....Mike Greenberg.

Greenberg was discussing the suspension yesterday of Guillermo Mota, the hard-throwing former Mets’ reliever, for violating MLB’s steroid policy. Mota is automatically subject to a fifty game suspension and issued a statement taking full responsibility for what he had done. Greenberg expressed shock that a modern athlete would simply accept responsibility for what he had done, and not try to make excuses for having failed a drug test. By contrast, Shawne Merriman and Rafael Palmeiro, for example, insisted that if they ingested banned substances, they did so unwittingly.

I heard this while driving my daughter to school, so I don’t have the full quote, but Greenberg did positively say that Mota “manned up” by coming clean, as opposed to all of these other athletes who “womaned down.”
The quote comes from the fabulous Sports Media Review. We at AA were watching the M&M show this morning, but weren't lucky enough to catch the chauvinistic Greenberg in action. We instead got to hear Mark Schlereth talk about how he peed his pants in every game. Seriously, he said that.

So Mike Greenberg....What exactly does Womaned Down Mean? (The Big Lead)
Should Mike Greenberg be Fired? (Sports Media Review)
Mark Schlereth's Wikipedia Page (Wikipedia)

P.S.- The fact that this morning's comments are already up at Wikipedia is kind of scary.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:56 PM 5 Comments Links to this post

AA Hearts......

Jon Barry!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Yes it's true. We love ESPN's new hire Jon Barry as the third chap in the booth with Tirico and Walton. Here's why......

We've made fun of Walton before. He's oafy and he exagerates things greatly, but we believe him. He's very John Madden in that way. Well Jon Barry did the perfect job of bobbing and weaving with him all night, and the two of them created the chemistry that Tirico wishes he had in the MNF booth. Some highlights.......

After Walton said that the Lakers have a chance to win the Pacific Division Barry chimes in with....

"Luke Walton plays for the Lakers and I’m sure his father is pulling for him, but I have to disagree with him and say the Suns run away with this thing”- Jon Barry
The comment was funny and nowhere near the "I'm Right...You're Wrong!" mentality of the pregame show.

Another great exchange came between Tirico and Barry. Tirico asked Barry to elaborate on why Steve Nash was so special because he's played against him before. JB goes into his piece, "He's just so special", but the Clips broke out on a fastbreak, so he stopped in the middle so Tirico could call the play. The Suns get the ball back and Nash is not even to halfcourt when he says....
"Like this...watch....he's going to get another assist right here."- JB
Well he was right....a full 3 seconds before Nash got an assist on the fastbreak.

But my favorite comment of the night came after Bill Walton's piece on Red Auerbach. Billy stated that Red was such a shrewd trader of players that people would purposely avoid dealing with him. Jon Barry had this to say.
"Well I don't know that he was always shrewd.....He did trade me for Alaa Abdelnaby"
Now that's funny. I don't care who you are. (1992, December 4 - Traded for Boston Celtics' rights to Jon Barry.)

He stumbled a couple of times, but nothing too noticeable. It was a great rookie performance....especially since it was the Suns and you can barely get a word out of your mouth before they sprint down the court and score. Keep up the good work Jon......really......you don't want to get on our bad side.

As for Mike Breen and Hubie.....we'll get to that later, but they can go to hell for all I care.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:36 AM 1 Comments Links to this post

New Feature- The Game You Don't Care About

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Every Night (not really) we will pick up on a great NBA game that you wouldn't normally come across and give you the rundown.

Tonight's game: NYK at MEM.

We pick up the game in the 3rd OT!!!! (More on the earlier part of the game later. We live-blog starting now.)

11:22- Crawford fouled and hits the shot. Knicks 111-109

Crazyness as Mike Miller hits a fadeaway three. Key players of the game.....and you're not going to believe me.....Rudy Gay, Chucky Atkins, and Kyle "I'M MIKE!!!!" Lowry.

No joke but Kyle Lowry has made Starbury look like an idiot on multiple plays tonight. Can someone point Damon Stoudamire to the bench.....Wait he already knows where it is???? Good.

11:26- Quentin Richardson blows a kiss to ex-Brandy and has 29 points to bring the Knicks to within one.

Chucky Atkins looks like an All-Star against the Knicks and I think that tells you everything you need to know about the 06-07 NYKs.

2:06 left in the third OT.

Channing Frye tries a three?!?!?!?!?!?! It was a set play also.....great call Isiah.

11:30- David Lee gets the craziest reverse alley-oop ever.

Rudy Gay hits a huge two to get to 21 pts.

Nate Robinson gets his own offensive rebound and calls a timeout with :40 left.

The Memphis Announcers are pretty darn good. I need to look those cats up.

117-115 Memphis NYK Ball.

Nate Robinson to the line and misses the 2nd........117-116.

11:36- Wow....Chucky gives up the ball to Crawford who forwards it on to Q.......who OBVIOUSLY walks with the ball. He draws the foul which was almost a charge, and hits 2 FTs to put the Knicks up.

117-116 with 11.9 secs left.

11:41- David Lee fouls Mike Miller to use up the FTG. 5.7 seconds left.

The Memphis PA System Redeems itself from its early playing of Quad City DJs with Europe's Final Countdown.

Mike Miller misses a turnaround jumper, and the Isiah Thomas era begins with a win.

The Grizz rallied from a 19 point hole to send it into the first overtime. Good times.....We'll see how long this "new feature" lasts.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:26 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

Sean Salisbury Steak

So there's a neat little rumor going around that Sean Salisbury has/was? been suspended for a week from the WWLeader. I hadn't really even noticed but it's slowly leaking, so if you have more info just let me know.

The title you ask? Oh.....well......that's just me hoping that the incident had something to do with an Outback Steakhouse (wink, wink)

See also: Pro Football Talk and/or Sports Column

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 4:32 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

A Brief Announcement

So none of you bastards were going to tell me my RSS Feed was jacked up? Some friends I have. Just kidding.....that shiz is fixed now.....you can continue to nerd it up with me. I've updated my links as well with some new and old friends. Check out their sites.....they are good. You can trust me.

Also, we are going to have a new feature this Friday. Just a little tease, but we will have a guest writer to recap your week. You'll love love it.....trust me.

XOXO,

AA

P.S.- If I missed anyone in the links send me an email and I'll update it right away. Don't be shy....speak up!

P.P.S.- I somehow have an old Lita Ford Song (Kiss Me Deadly) in my head right now. Shoot me please.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 2:25 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

A Case Study in NBA Broadcasting- Part 2

(OR THE ESPN EDITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

DO YOU HEAR THAT!?!!?!?! HUH?!?!?! DO YOU HEAR THAT?!?!?!?!?!

That's Stephen A. Smith yelling at yo ass! And he will also do so to all 29 (sorry mis-counted yesterday) other personalities involved in their NBA programming this year. You doubt me that the number is 29??? Okay then, I'll give you the list up front.

In no particular order: Mark Jackson, Hubie Brown, Mike Breen, Mike Tirico, Lisa Salters, Stu Scott, Dan Patrick, Michael Wilbon, Bill Walton, Jon Barry, John Saunders, Greg Anthony, Tim Legler, Mark Jones, Tom Tolbert, Dave Pasch, Jim Gray, Doris Burke, Becky Hammon, Kara Lawson, Fred Hickman, Allan Houston, Kiki Vandeweghe, Jamal Mashburn, Dee Brown, Ric Bucher, Chris Broussard, Marc Stein, and Jackie MacMullen.

I'm refraining from flipping out now....counting backward.....10, 9....calm....8, 7, 6......oh screw it.

THAT IS JUST INSANE!!!!

Now that that's out of the way....let's delve into the monster......

What you know: You know that ABC/ESPN's programming has gotten more and more ridiculous every year. ABC's number one team of Mike Breen and Skeletor Hubie Brown is still in tact and they will be on Sundays. Tirico was bumped to second team duty and will still be paired with Bill Walton, but undoubtedly they will interchange throughout the year.

The rest is completely up in the air. There are so many combinations of people it's ridiculous, but tentatively this is what weekday ESPN games will look like:

1. Mike Tirico with Bill Walton and Jon Barry
2. Jon Saunders with Greg Anthony and Tim Legler
3. Mark Jones and Tom Tolbert

Guess which team I like the best......Yep, of course.....#3.

What you don't or may not know: Well there's a lot actually. Like I said before the sheer number of individual Announcers is astounding and any of them could fill in for one another at any time.

But even more confusing than that are the PreGame shows. From what I gather there are 2 pregame shows and 2 highlight shows.

First is KIA NBA Shootaround which is ESPN's pregame. The analysts are Greg Anthony, Tim Legler and S.A.S. Fred Hickman will replace John Saunders as host this year. There was a rumor that Dan Patrick Mikey Wilbon and Mark Jackson would replace them, but that isn't the case.

New to the mix of Shootaround are the "Rookies".....described as, "ESPN's rookie class of NBA analysts who have a combined 50 years of NBA game experience, plus Vandeweghe'’s five years in the Denver Nuggets' front office." That's right....in another genius move the Leader has hired MORE ex-players to yell at each other. The Rookie class is! (drum roll).....Allan Houston, Kiki Vandeweghe, Jon Barry and Jamal Mashburn! (That was anti-climatic wasn't it?)

Our other pregame show is NBA Sunday Countdown. (From Wikipedia) With ABC Sports' demise and rebranding as ESPN on ABC, ABC's NBA pregame show was given its fifth different name in as many years (NBA Shootaround, NBA Hangtime, NBA Game Time, and NBA Nation). Your hosts are Dan Patrick, Mark Jackson, and Michael Wilbon. Not a bad team...they should definitely be on ESPN as well.

Add to that NBA Fastbreak, NBA Coast-to-Coast, and The Toyota halftime show and you have one GIANT cluster F!

Your ESPN Haiku:
I can't even come up with one.....I've never been more confused. If you have one put it in the comments.

Why ESPN has it wrong: If you watched TNT's broadcast last night that will give you your first clue. Even in a blowout game Marv Albert and Steve Kerr did a great job staying with the game (I had so many damn trick-or-treaters though I could barely keep up myself).

ESPN's overall problem stems from one main problem. EGOS. Every person on that network has to be exactly right about their point and everyone else has to be wrong. Which leads to a half hour bitch session that most people don't watch. I'd much rather watch the local cable feed of the Wizards games, but this site forces me to watch the trainwreck.

Another complaint about ABC and ESPN televised games are that the camera angles appear too far away, and colors seem faded and dull compared to TNT's. Also, unlike NBC, which allowed crowd noise to sometimes drown out their announcers, ABC quiets crowd noise on their telecasts. This definitely takes the energy out of telecasts.

TNT's pregame and halftime shows take on a much more light-hearted approach. Even though they disagree it doesn't come off as one belittling the other. If Stephen A. Smith has 45 seconds he's going to tell (yell at) you why whoever next to him is wrong, and not even explain why he's right. Seriously, why are these people so angry? I wish I had the answer......but it makes me angry too. The NBA on ESPN starts tonight, so loosen up those vocal chords so you can yell back.

ESPN's Official Press Release (See if you can disseminate that crap!)

Update: I forgot to link the above paragraph to Wikipedia. (NBA on ABC)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:03 PM 9 Comments Links to this post