Thursday, August 31, 2006
Warning: These are two of the most ridiculous chats ever. I don't even have words to describe the second one. Just read through and head to the comments. Let's get out of 2005 as quickly as we can.
Bayless' Chat Archive
Okay, I'll be honest with you.....that chat was boring. I just picked the bash Skip questions out. The article was about how Steve Nash shouldn't be MVP. I just don't care about that anymore, and I really wanted to get to the "Crazy" article.
Mikhail (Portland, Maine): The words "Skip You Suck". This is somethig you hear fairly often if I'm too assume correctly?
Skip Bayless: I do here this quite a bit from people who have no idea what they're talking about.
Suuure Skip....we don't know what we're talking about.
Woody (NYC): I think you are a moron, and its embarassing how I dominate you on First and 10 every day on Cold Pizza. Do you even watch the sports you try to discuss?
Skip Bayless: You are my daddy, Woody. And you're certainly old enough to be my daddy.
Whoa...I knew there was "chemistry" between those two, but Wow!
Greg: Newark, NJ: Skip, it is obvious that you are obsessed with TO. Otherwise why would you spend so much time writing about someone you claim to loathe? So admit your obsession and stop trying to create buzz to have him traded back to the bay area so you can be closer. It's sad really, like the 5th grader who punched the girl in his class because he liked her. Is your lambasting of Owens just your way of flirting? But seriously, I have two questions for you. What sport did you ever play on any competitive level that has given you such a high horse to sit on regarding how athletes should act, and secondly are you aware that 99.9% of the United States (and ESPN viewers) does not share a coastline with San Francisco Bay? By the way, Marvin Williams is the best player in the draft so stop talking about the high school kid.
Skip Bayless: I live in New York City, and Gerald Green will wind up being a better pro than Marvin Williams, who looked awfully unsure of himself in the national championship game. And don't give me that "Look what I found" tip-in.
Football Isn't Just for Kicks
I don't even have words to describe this article and this chat. This is where Skip alienated any reader he ever had or will ever have with this......let's get into it.
"But Vinatieri and Akers still aren't football players. They're merely the best of the worst aspect of any team sport. Football would be a much better game without field goals or PATs. Go ahead: Tell me I'm wrong." Don't worry Skip....SportsNation will. I'm not commenting on these.....I'm just going to let you bask in Skip's greatness.Okay, now that we've gone through all of that I would like to say a few things. I was in this chat as it was taking place, and it was just plain shocking. How this guy did not get fired was and still is beyond me. Skip Bayless is a classless, no talent, pompous dick. With every other Announcer/Writer on this site there's at least some level of respect and maybe some jealously, but I HATE SKIP BAYLESS. And if you don't agree I feel sorry for you.
Tim (Boston): Skip, C'mon this is a little ridiculous. I am pretty tired of you trying to stir the pot. Talk about something relevant. They must have been desperate on the Show today.
Skip Bayless: I'm also sick of idiotic readers who claim I'm just trying to "stir the pot." I've said and written this for years, and I'm right about it. But as I also wrote, if you're from Boston, as this guy is, you don't want to hear this because you have the greatest clutch kicker ever in Vinatieri -- who's the best of the worst aspect of any team sport.
Kevin (Havertown, PA): So punting would be OK, but place-kicking would not ? So now special teams are only used for part of the game, not all ? That's like saying the DH hits in innings 1-5 and the pitcher bats the 6th through the 9th Skip. Not consistent = bad. You'd also take away every Patriots' Super Bowl win and 40% of their overall victories the last 4 yeatrs. Overall, not a good idea.
Skip Bayless: Punting and kicking off don't impact the scoreboard. They're essential aspects of field position and punting, as I wrote, requires more athletic ability and skill and football IQ. Remember, DHs are still hitting and relief pitchers are still pitching.
Drew (Georgia): Skip, I love the idea. Free up a couple of roster spots for real players. Let's test it in the pre-season next year!
Skip Bayless: Thank you, Drew. Of the many e-mails I've received, about two out of 10 really, really get the concept and are as strongly for it as so many pea-brains are against it.
James (Westfield, NJ): Skip, a quick question. How long were you in the hospital after that horse kicked you in the head when you were a kid?
Skip Bayless: P.T. Barnum was right.
Donald (Lynchburg): ONLY ONE WITH A SPECIALIST? What on earth do you call a closer in baseball who has um, nothing to do with batting and plays a very small portion of the game. Oh, and he does help determine the outcome of the game. KEEP IN THE STARTERS!!!
Skip Bayless: Here's another sports idiot.
What is a closer doing? He's PITCHING. Last tme I checked, that was a key aspect of actually playing baseball.
A three-point specialist in basketball is required to play some defense and maybe even pass or dribble. That's called playing basketball.
A kicker doesn't even practice with the team. Only rarely is a kicker called upon to get in a returner's way, if he has broken away, and most won't even try that.
Andrew (PA): Skip, your comment that "real football players play NFl and college football" reeks of the ignorance and arrogance that many writers and sports fan take towards any sport they do not understand. Last time I checked soccer, or football to most of the world, was the most popular youth sport in the USA. I think you owe a few million soccer player around the world an apology. Not that I'd expect a high-falutin' "personality" like you to stoop that low.
Skip Bayless: I don't owe anyone in soccer an apology. I've always said it's the best game for kids to play, because of all the running and full-body athletic movement required. But there's a reason all the kids who play, and all the soccer moms and dads, won't make pro soccer a big success in this country: It's boring. I love the World Cup, but I wouldn't walk across the street to watch a soccer match if you paid me.
Ryan (Canton, OH): I think you also need to apologize to the sports fans you keep calling idiots. Without them you'd be living in a box with your Journalism degree pinned on the side.
Skip Bayless: Another idiot.
Matt (Casper, WY): You have no right belittling these people, without them you'd be posting the box scores for the local little league in the SF Chronicle. I'm not going to call you an idiot, but the the truth is your job is to talk about sports. There are probably 50,000 other people who could sit on Cold Pizza and do a better job than you. The only difference between you and them is the fact you have a degree. You've never written anything that I respected. I read your columns only after I have read every other article on espn.com.
Skip Bayless: I'll tell you what I tell everyone else who says I should be fired for writing what I believe. DON'T READ IT. Why waste your time? Nobody's forcing you to read it. But deep down, you know I always give you my best shot, that I know what I'm talking about, and that I've never been afraid to tell the truth, as I see it. I don't care if players or coaches buddy up to me and give me great interviews in exchange for me pulling punches when they deserve to be criticized. I would think intelligent readers would want to trust that a columnist is giving them his best, no-strings-attached shot.
Michael (Roanoke): Thats ok Matt, let him tick off the 7 people that actually watch Cold Pizza and then he will have no viewers
Skip Bayless: Careful, Michael. Cold Pizza's ratings have been sensational.
Scott (NY): Skip: I don't always agree with what you say, but these guys have no right to attack you. They should get off the computer and get out of their parents' basements.
Skip Bayless: Scott, your sentiment is the perfect way to end this chat. Thank you.
And thank all of you for reading and responding -- even those born without brains.
With that said, we're coming into the present tomorrow with 2006. Excuse me while I throw up.
Welcome to the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Five. In case you've suffered amnesia or were in a coma during this fabulous year here's what you forgot/missed:
Martha Stewart was in and out of jail, the Terry Schiavo Debate was in full force, Pope John Paul II passed away, Tom Cruise jumped on a couch, Deep Throat was revealed, Greats Johnny Carson and Richard Pryor joined Sam Kinison in the sky, Katrina wrecked havoc on the Big Easy, America's couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split, and the Saddam Hussein Trial began (I'm not really sure if it's over?)
In Sports, USC Football, The Chicago White Sox, Tony Stewart, The San Antonio Spurs, UNC Basketball, and the New England Patriots, were your Champions.
The Red Sox lost in the first round of the playoffs....Red Sox fans began to whine again. The NHL season was canceled...no one noticed. The Eagles cut T.O. Randy Johnson headed to NYC, The NBA added a Dress Code, Congressional Baseball Hearings were made a mockery, Larry Brown promised Knicks success, and Future HOF (not anymore) Ralfy Palmeiro tested positive for 'roids.
All of this, and John Edward Bayless the 2nd had it ALL covered. I give you my favorite 10 in Chronological Order (one is out of order, but only because I saved the best for last). Hold on to your hats.......
10. Bayless: Yay, Jose. In a few years, we might be thanking Jose Canseco for helping to clean up our national pastime. (February 14, 2005)
Jose Canseco the Hero! Here are the highlights:
- "I'm starting to get the feeling that Canseco's book, "Juiced," will be remembered the way Jim Bouton's "Ball Four" was. It just might open a window into our national pastime through which only a few media members have peeked." Juiced....as important to our history as the Grapes of Wrath!
- "I'll admit that I've heard the whispers about Canseco and McGwire "juicing" as Oakland A's Bash Brothers since the late '80s." Sure Skip......Suuuuuure.
- "So to me, "Juiced" is also about revenge. If Canseco's legacy and Hall of Fame chances have been ruined, he's taking down the highly popular and protected guilty with him. And that's fine with me."
- "I want to see average athletes succeed only because they train and play harder and smarter than their competition. I want to see records set with natural-born instead of anabolic talent. That's why I want to see Jose Canseco rub our previously upturned noses in the lowly truth with "Juiced." I don't care if he makes millions off the book. It will be worth it." That's it Skip give Jose some props.....he's a Stand-up Guy afterall.
One guess as to what this one is about.....this should be grand!
Sorry, I tried to clutch and grab you as long as I could. I'm writing the rest of this column only for me. Call it self-therapy.
I: Why do you hate hockey so much?ME: I don't hate — I just cannot bring myself to like it or watch it on TV. Oh great, he's doing the whole article like he's talking to himself. That ALWAYS works.
I: You certainly didn't think it was hokey the night you covered the Miracle On Ice at the 1980 Olympics.
ME: It wouldn't have mattered if the United States and Soviets had been playing charades that night. The point was that a bunch of no-hope college kids from America shocked a pro juggernaut from our Cold War rival. I'm sorry, but this paragraph is sacrelig to me. The reason why it was such a big deal is because the Soviets were so Damn Good in Hockey. Our highschool kids could beat them in Track & Field (I routinely did at the Pangea Games, and I was an above average runner). The Winter Olympics were (and had to be) the stage.
I: You could be burned at the stake in Canada for proposing such heresy.
ME: Canada originally fell head-over-Molson in love with hockey because it didn't have any other sports alternatives. Somebody gave me a book once as a joke — "Hockey for Dummies." I said: "That's all hockey is for." Say that to Tie Domi's face Skip....you won't do it.
I: You're not getting enough sleep.
ME: You wouldn't either if you kept having bad dreams about E.J. This hockey showdown is doing for E.J. what the Gulf War did for Wolf Blitzer. Now I'm dreaming that E.J. Blitzer is on TV saying that the NFL has decided to play on ice, that the NBA will make players dribble with sticks, that baseball will now end in nine-inning ties. Umm, bad dreams about EJ? Hmmmm....
8. Bayless: Million Problem Baby. If "Million Dollar Baby" wins Best Picture, Skip Bayless is throwing in the towel. (February 25, 2005)
Great Skipper is at the movies, and surprise....he doesn't like something! And he takes shots at females!!! Exciting.....(Who writes the titles for his articles? Is that supposed to be funny?)
- "That's why I vow never to watch my favorite show of the year, Sunday night's Academy Awards, again if Clint Eastwood's "Million Dollar Baby" wins Best Picture or Best Director or turns into this year's "Lord of the Rings" with an endless parade of acceptance speeches."
- "But my intelligence was sucker punched from the opening scene on. As we first see Swank, playing a boxer named Maggie Fitzgerald, she has just won her fight on the undercard of what you soon realize is a heavyweight contender's fight at the Grand Olympic in downtown Los Angeles. I know the building. It seats about 6,000, and as Maggie watches from the wings, it's packed with screaming fans. A female boxer would have to be reasonably accomplished to get a shot on that undercard." It's a movie...
- "If the movie had opened with Maggie walking into Frankie's gym in her waitress outfit and pathetically punching a bag, I'd have been intrigued." Ah Skip's humor is on hand again. I don't know if this comment makes him a chauvinist or a pervert.
- "But that's what makes me crazy about overrated sports movies like "Bull Durham." They pander to the audience's superficial and romanticized perception. They're basically sports fairy tales. "Bull Durham" was filled with caricatures and exaggerated stereotypes, with fake Southern accents and silly dialogue, yet "Bull Durham" became a classic. Bull-loney. Give me real." I'm getting mad again.....I'm not responding to my rage. I would normally cut off the comments here to save this from being too long, but F it....this is just ridiculous.
- "I disliked the second half even more than the first half. The first half was just a silly sports movie. The second half was a maudlin, manipulative, melodramatic B-movie."
- "But for the record, I would not be devastated if Swank wins Best Actress or if Freeman wins Best Supporting Actor. Both rose above roles that defy nomination. Swank brings Maggie to life with a sweet toughness and a credible athleticism that cancel her bad Southern accent. Morgan's narration at least gives "Baby" some wise, witty mortar." Huh? I thought you hated it.....now I'm confused. As usual Skip.
- "I'm probably wrong, but I've never heard of a trainer or cut man saving a fight by snapping a fighter's broken nose back in place so the bleeding would stop. And I have never, ever heard of a fighter getting sucker punched as he (or she) walks back to her corner after a round, then falling against the stool the trainer has just placed back in the ring and breaking his (or her) neck." Skip, again.....it's a movie.
- "Yet in the hospital, Frankie reminds her that, well, she lost. So does her heartless trailer-trash mother. Preposterous. Her opponent would have have been disqualified. The mother is a sitcom parody. But instead of laughing out loud, people around me in the theater started crying when the Trailer Trash Mom pushes poor Maggie to sign away her boxing winnings. And the Oscar goes to ... "Million Dollar Baby"? Oh, baby. I think I'm going to cry."
Wow if the Million Dollar Baby article wasn't bad enough.
- "Let's begin with the Fairy Tale Factor. It astounds me that the NCAA and its conferences get away with legitimizing conference tournaments as bonus moneymakers by allowing the winners an automatic postseason berth. This is a silly rule that cheapens the field."
- "Oakland no more belongs in the Big Dance than I belong in the middle of a Destiny's Child number." Another funny!
- "But on to Thursday and Friday and the buzzer-beating upset madness. This year more than ever, your office pool could be won by Diedre Dense, who thinks Billy Packer played for Green Bay, or Thurmon Thick, who always picks Duke because his hero was John Wayne. This year, any of 20 teams could get hot and go on a six-game title tear. I wouldn't rule out Gonzaga or Villanova any more than I would trust Illinois or Carolina." Ahahahahahaha.....Dense and Thick, I get it!
- "You just know that some kid who grew up on a farm without plumbing or electricity, and who was taught to shoot baskets by his blind father when he wasn't caring for his paraplegic mother, will heave a full-court, overhand shot that will bank in at the buzzer, allowing Your Team to beat My Team by one. You just know that Donald Dim, the sports moron who sits over in the corner of your office, will win your pool by picking UConn, because he has a great aunt who lives up there in Canada. You just know I'm right: This tournament is sensationally flawed madness." No comment.
John now tries to explain how Mike Tyson is a marketing genius.....when he's dead broke. This should go flawwwwwlessly.
- "Heck, he might rape an alien and eat his own alien baby, giant ears first, right there on pay-per-view. So hurry, hurry, step right up and order now!" Yep....flawlessly.
- "After all, what legacy does he have to protect? Since Tyson began boxing 20 years ago, he hasn't beaten a single great heavyweight in his prime. At Tyson's pit-bull best from 1985 to '90, he couldn't have beaten any of the greatest from the Ali Era – not Ali, Frazier, Foreman or Norton. Tyson beat Larry Holmes when Holmes was 38. He mauled Michael Spinks in 91 seconds because Spinks was nothing more than a decent light heavyweight." I don't think you can blame Tyson for the state of the Heavyweight Division back then.....I personally think he would have a decent chance against the best of all time (in his prime of course).
- "Tyson's enduring appeal boils down to: What might this maniac do next? Tyson knows he can be the devil inside us all. As he once said: "This country wasn't built on moral fiber. This country was built on rape, slavery, murder, degradation and affiliation with crime." He knows he is a part of us all." Umm, maybe you Skip. I personally have not ever been involved in slavery, murder, or rape. Do we have some skeletons in our closet Johnny?
- "And, to reporters about how much he hates his life: "I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up every day as me." Tyson says he's on Zoloft, for depression. What might he do next? His face tattoo cinched it. This guy is crazy! Like a very intelligent fox."
Skip and the Draft. He's been known to "not use statistics that much"....that will work well with this piece.
- "I like Deron Williams – you probably love him. But I say the high school kid, Gerald Green, will turn out to be better than anyone else in this draft." Gerald Green is killing......the NBDL.
- "Luis Scola almost certainly will be a better NBA player than anyone who will be drafted Tuesday night. You probably say: "Who?" I still do Skip....I still do.
- "Bogut's Utes lost a Sweet 16 game by 10 to Kentucky, which didn't exactly have a front line of Walton, Olajuwon and Ewing. Bogut had 20 points and 11 rebounds. But, come on – if he were a future perennial NBA All-Star, he would have dominated Kentucky, then Michigan State, then made eventual champion North Carolina sweat in the Final Four." Umm 20 and 11 IS dominating in a college game. Especially when Kentucky knew Utah was going to him every play.
- "As a freshman last season, Williams was completely content to come off the bench. Bad sign." This statement is so idiotic I don't know what to say. Does he realize who started in front of him and that he was a freshman? No? Okay then, that makes sense.
- "Could Paul become a better scoring point guard than Parker? Paul is certainly a better passer than Parker, who becomes a turnover-prone liability against good defensive teams. But at 6 feet, Paul is two inches shorter than Parker and isn't as quick. Parker is astonishingly slippery and inventive. You always know he's on the floor because he's a rare talent. I watched lots of Chris Paul games in which I kept losing sight of Chris Paul. Is he unselfish to a fault? He was at his best when he was forced to take over to keep Wake Forest in a second-round NCAA game against West Virginia. But long story short: Wake lost. I've heard so much more than I've seen about how NBA great Paul will be." Good call.....Chris Paul was an awful Rookie last year. Wait, he won ROY???? You're kidding me right?
- "It was a good sign that Green signed with Oklahoma State. That meant he wasn't afraid to learn the game the right way – the hard way – from tough old Eddie Sutton in no-frills Stillwater." Hahaha, what game was that? The DUI game? No frills baby.
- "If I were the Bucks, I'd have a hard time passing up Gerald Green."
Bayless uses his Bonds know-how to hint that Little Leaguers are using steroids. Hmmm?
- "Bichette turned down an interview request from ESPN's Harold Reynolds earlier that day because he wanted to sleep in. Yes, a 12-year-old blew off ESPN's most respected ex-player analyst." Ha....that's too funny.
- "I will bet you my precious old Mayfair Chipmunks cap that some of the kids in this year's LLWS have used or are using steroids. I just saw a LLWS commercial. "Little League baseball," it says, irony dripping, "has always been about the important things in life." I feel as if I've just watched the movie's chilling fade-out."
Another Bonds article....we ARE lucky individuals.
- "But yes, his comeback has been even better than James Bond in "You Only Live Twice." What? Come on Skip know your target audience.
Skip tells about three guys that will be retiring.....except none of them retired.
- " You are Mario Lemieux, No. 66.All the new pieces just created more of a puzzle. You can't practice hard and you're slowing down an offense champing to accelerate under the new freewheeling rules. So how did you solve the problem? You signed off on firing your coach and friend, Eddie Olczyk. Face it: You are at least part of the problem."
- "You are Brett Favre, No. 4. But deep down, you know that even your biggest fans are starting to wonder if that longevity record is the only reason you keep playing. Yes, you've had a tough run. You lost your father in December of 2003 -- and responded with one of the greatest "Monday Night Football" performances ever, four touchdown passes in the first half of a 41-7 road destruction of the Raiders. Your wife overcame breast cancer and lost her brother in an all-terrain vehicle accident. But you have endured. Until this season."
- " You are Roger Clemens, No. 22. Yes, enjoy watching your kids grow up, on and off the field. But commit more than ever to conditioning your body, too. Your hero, Nolan Ryan, pitched a no-hitter at 44 and didn't retire until he was 46. But he hit the exercise bike and the weights even harder than you do. Rededicate yourself, in Houston, and you could pitch until you're at least 46. Lemieux and Favre will envy you." Yep, that sums up the careers of some of the best players of mine and possibly any generation. Thanks Skip.
Now I know you haven't read all of these articles in their entirety (if you have you'd be ready to throw up about now....kinda like me), but if you read any of them read this one. It's athletes at war with Skip, and it's awesome.
"I've been bumped and shoved, but never punched. For me, some of these discussions got very loud and settled nothing; others cleared the air and created mutual respect and productive working relationships. I wish I could say I've always remained calm and professional with an athlete or coach in my face, but … well, you be the judge." Oh man this is going to be good. Post your favorites in the comments section. (Clashees: Frank Thomas, Tommy Lasorda, Cliff, Harris, and Mark Tuinei.
(Side Note: I remember having an argument once with my friend Boston Barry about the Red Sox, and he compared me to Skip Bayless. I don't think I've ever been more livid in my entire life. That's the type of shit that starts wars my friend.)
The SportsNation chat......where Average Joes like us can talk to famous ESPN personalities, No-name analysts, and Low-Tier college athletes (In fact as I write this.......Deadspin). Well Skip always brought his A-game to his chats. He would think every question was being asked by Woody Paige, and proceed to berate the fan who was asking said question. Good Times.
Well Skip had two amazing chats in 2004. Only two you ask? Yes, only two, but trust me he was just as much of an
asshole, er upstanding Journalist back then. Let's begin....
Bayless' Chat Archive
JB (Shreveport, LA): Skip, after reading your column on T.O., I understand why so many athletes hate sports writers. I bet you saved that column for the first lost by the Eagles. You writers are the guys who got picked last in gym class.And there you have it.......SKIP 2004 in a nutshell. Post anything I missed in the comments, and be back later as we take the De Lorean ALL THE WAY BACK to 2005!!!!!!!! 1.21 Gigawatts, what?
Skip Bayless: JB, I wrote that column three days BEFORE the Eagles lost to the Steelers. When I wrote a column in the Bay Area, I was Owens' lone supporter in 2001 and 2002. But, as I wrote on Page 2, the guy went over the edge after the Sharpie episode and started believing he was more entertainer than football player. Last year, he was "Terrible" Owens, dropping pass after big pass, especially on the road. I don't believe he's mentally tough, and I've said that to his face, at least while interviewing him on television.
And by the way, I did make all-city in baseball my senior year of high school and I have run a 2:47 marathon, so you've got to give me that much.
Ouch.....JB with the Physical Education Dig. I'm sure Skip came up with "Terrible" Owens as well. Actually a 2:47 Marathon is pretty impressive though. See we learned something about Skip today, and we're only one question in.
Will B. (Va Beach): What possessed you to move from the San Jose Mercury News, a paper i've been trying to right for for months, to Cold Pizza?
Skip Bayless: At least we know why you're not "righting" for the Mercury News. "Cold Pizza" is the biggest challenge of my career, and I wanted to enter the force field of the most creative and fearless man in sports media, if not all media -- Mark Shapiro, who runs ESPN and oversees "Cold Pizza." Woody and I have been friends for 30 years, and I think we have very lively "Odd Couple" chemistry. You'll also soon be able to see us every afternoon at, I believe, 4 Eastern on ESPN.
I also love righting -- sorry, writing -- for ESPN.com
Here's our Skip! Will B. gives Skip some credit and he basically says he's an idiot. (P.S.- Anonymous commenter, I am not secretly Will B. from Va. Beach.)
Greg (Boston): Skip, I know you've grown tired of TO, but your really going to compare some stupid end zone dancing to Artests asking out of a month admitting he's tired from promoting a CD. Sorry, Artests contract should have been voidable on the spot for not being 100% due to his own negligence. That is a far greater malfeasence than anything TO would think to do
Skip Bayless: Greg, you obviously haven't spent any time around Owens, while I've spent too much time. Last year, I talked to far too many 49ers and front office staffers who came to despise the guy because he set himself apart from, and above, the team. Do you know how many times last year that teammates ran to congratulate him a moment before he did his latest look-at-me sideshow, only to be ignored by him. Jeff Garcia finally quit running down to try exchanging high fives with Owens. He sees himself more as a performer than a football player or teammate, as Philly is finding out.
Why did he rant at McNabb on the sideline after things went south in Pittsburgh? Because he's so camera savvy that he wanted to send a message to the media and fans that it was McNabb's fault -- that he was trying to pump up McNabb and get HIM back in the game. No, for me, this guy's right there with Artest.
Greg you're an idiot....come on. Of course you can compare a psychopath with a showoff.....on every level. Get in the game Greg!!!
Steven A. Smith (Philly): How does it feel to be one of the most annoying sports personalities on TV?
Skip Bayless: Steven A.: I'm just trying to keep up with my friend Stephen A.
I don't have a joke here....just thought that was funny. And Skip obviously didn't get the joke.
Geoff (Philadelphia): What will Owens eat at the end of the season, Championship Pie or crow?
Skip Bayless: Philly cheesecrow.
Skip Bayless: So far, he has. I said on "Cold Pizza" that I would have to make he and McNabb my halfway MVPs. But Philly has to play lots of division road games in the second half, and Eagles fans will see the real "Terrible" Owens.
Skip Bayless: Woody is 82. I'm 28.
Skip Bayless: Woody is 82. I'm 28.
Skip Bayless: You mean stud puffy, right? I'm pumping more iron here to keep up with Jay Crawford, the ultimate TV stud.
Skip Bayless: Thanks, everyone. Tell T.O. hi for me. The doctor is out.
Ummm What? Really, what just happened. Philly Cheesecrow? Woody, what? Jay Crawford, huh? Was there a question?.....what is Stud Puffy? You're a doctor now??? Wow, that's all I can say....Wow, that's how you end a chat!
Tom (KC,MO): The Jungle still hates you.
Skip Bayless: Half the Jungle loves me. War Rome.
Oh god....Rome and Bayless.....the world is coming to an end. Can we get
ChrisJim Everett to take care of them please?
(It never gets old.)
Bucky Bo, Virginia: Skip, How much longer will you be doing Cold Pizza until you retire? I really love your columns and your 1st & 10 segments with Woody, but you've been doing the whole sports thing for so long I assume retirement has crossed your mind, right?
Skip Bayless: I have the body of an 18-year-old, while Woody has the instincts of a 12-year-old, so we plan to do First and Ten (also on weekdays at 4 Eastern on ESPN) until they tell us to go home.
Page 2 Office Memo: Skip, GO HOME!
John (Portland, ME): Do you think Bonds' (alleged) use of steroids should keep him out of the HOF?
Skip Bayless: Kevin, I wrote about this last week for ESPN.com, and the response shocked me. My problem is, while writing columns in the Bay Area, I was probably the first writer in the country to suspect Bonds in print. But the point of what I wrote last week was that, even though the wall of cirumstantial evidence is now so high that even Bonds couldn't hit a ball over it, I still don't KNOW he used steroids except for the brief period in 2003 during which he said was duped by his trainer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Bonds haters say WAKE UP. I've been awake on this issue for years. Bonds has some of the greatest genetics you'll ever find -- dad was a star, mom a star softball player -- and it's still possible he packed on 40 or so pounds by weight training and eating right. He does both fanatically.
Please don't give me the "look at the size of his head" argument. It was already big, literally and figuratively. And he was already the most gifted baseball player I've ever seen. So he still gets my Hall vote.
Put a gun to my head, I say he used something other than Wheaties to get big. But I still can't be dead-solid certain.
That's right everyone Skip was the first writer to put Bonds' Steroid Use in print. What you didn't know that? Well shut up idiot.....Skip is THA MAN! Recognize.
Brett (Philadelphia, PA): Hey Skip, I'm still waiting for TO to blow up like you said...I guess it will never happen, because we're going to the Super Bowl...yeah, Go EAGLES!
Skip Bayless: Deazr Brett: I'm amazed at 1) how sensationally and consistently McNabb has played so far and 2) how well he has handled Owens by keeping him involved and in check. But at some point when the pressure mounts, T.O. will bite teh Eagles in the behind. If I were you, I'd start looking over my shoulder at the Panthers.
Okay Okay.....he's right some of the time.
Joe (Huntsville,AL): Will Nick Saban end up as the Dolphins HC?
Skip Bayless: Something tells me he'll decide he has a better chance of winning another national championship at LSU than of dethroning his mentor, Belichick, in the AFC East.
But he's wrong MOST of the time
Matt (Stoneham): Skip, How can i get your job?
Skip Bayless: Ask Santa.
And not funny.
bryan (dallas): Skip!! Fix the Cowboys!! What would you do?
Skip Bayless: Drew Henson should have been starting all season. That would have been quickest fix.
Skip Bayless: That's it, folks. Thanks for the questions and for suffering my opinions. My analysis of Kobe should be posted on ESPN.com soon. Later ...
Stud Puffy, OUT!
"So I'm driving to class this morning, listening to Mike and Mike and as a tease before the break going into their last segment Greeny says something along the lines of "If you're a fan of the Kansas City Royals, things just went from bad to worse...more on that next" then they went to break. The whole time I'm not listening to the commercials because I'm too freaked out that maybe one of their young hitters in the minors got clobbered with a pitch or something, but then thinking why in the HELL Mike and Mike would be talking about Royals minor leaguers. They come back from the break and talk about other stuff, then Greeny goes into his point about the Royals. The following is my paraphrasing:Justin, I'm glad you got that off your chest, but ESPN and Greenberg still need you to buy his book. OBEY!
"The Kansas City Royals and their fans have good news and bad news. They still have the worst record in baseball, but they have young talent on the way. However, the bad news is that the two leading candidates for the MVP awards are Carlos Beltran of the Mets in the NL and Jermaine Dye of the White Sox in the AL. Both of these guys were former Royals" and then Golic mumbles something about that stinking, Greeny follows with a comment about the Expos and all of their old players doing well after they left Montreal and then the show ended. Now, I live right on the state line between southern KS and MO and have been a Royals fan all of my 21 years (yes, I was born the summer of the I-70 Series). Anyone who has vaugely paid attention to the team in the last 8-10 years knows who these guys are and if you follow sports at all, you know these are two MVP candidates. THIS IS NEWS?!?!?! Thanks for making me want to stab you in the face with a dull rusty butterknife Mike...thanks a lot."
More Skip Today! Timetable (that I won't stick to): 12 Noon- Best of Skip's Chats 2004, 2/3 PM- Skip 2005, 5ish PM- Best of Skip's Chats 2005......See you then.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
So our friend Skipper is no longer going to be writing for ESPN 2. That doesn't mean we can't tear him apart year by year does it? We will be counting down his worst articles, which are ultimately the best (most entertaining), for each year he was writing for Page Deuce (he's amazingly been there since December 10th, 2004!!!) And while we're at it let's throw his best chat in each year....you know the one where he called you an Idiot. So let's get into the De Lorean and head back to 2004.....(insert Waynes World dream sequence)
Ah the year of our Lord....Two Thousand Four. You may not remember what was going on back then, but that's what we're here for. 2004 brought the Avian Flu to Canada (unfortunately not lasting too long), Yasser Arafat passed away, Rovers were on Mars taking pictures, the Tsunami devastated Southern Asia, and President Bush was "welcomed" back into office.
In Sports, LSU Football, The Detroit Pistons, The New England Patriots, UConn Basketball, Tampa Bay Lightning, Seattle Storm, Boston Red Sox, DC United, and Phil Mickelson (Masters), were ALL crowned Champions.
Steroids reared their ugly heads, Pat Tillman bravely gave his life, The Lakers "Dynasty" Fell apart, Michael Phelps tore up the Olympic Swimming Pools, and Smarty Jones tore up the Race Track.
All of this AND our friend Skip gave us 4 spectacular stories in his ESPN debut!!!!!
4) Bayless: Prove it to me. It may seem pretty obvious that Barry Bonds is taking steroids -- but you know what? Where's the proof? (December 10, 2004)
Ahh, Barry Bonds article 1 of 238. A few highlights/quotes:
"Bonds said he was so run-down following the death of his father during the 2003 season that Anderson recommended a "rubbing balm." Bonds said Anderson compared it to "flaxseed oil." Bonds said it did nothing for him and that he soon stopped using it. Again, a plausible story."
"But Barry Bonds, baseball player, is as wise as a serpent. He's the first hitter who has ever had the advantage over most pitchers because he knows them better than they know themselves. Because of a long-ago injury, he's still allowed to wear a hard-plastic protector on the arm exposed to the pitcher. But would he resort to, say, using a corked bat? No way. Too proud. Too good. To using steroids? I can't be sure. (Good Comparison???)
- "And for the rest of my days, I might wonder if, just maybe, Barry Bonds was wrongly convicted in the court of public opinion."
Good article considering Moneyball came out in June........2003!!!
- "And allow me to disqualify myself: I consider Billy Beane not just the smartest general manager and most fascinating front-office figure in baseball, but in all of sports. I find Beane vs. Conventional Wisdom even more compelling than Shaq vs. Kobe. I once was a short-sighted prisoner of baseball's stuck-in-the-past thinking. But Beane has taught me to think outside the tobacco pouch." (What does that mean?)
- "Now, no one can say Mr. Moneyball is just an overrated product of his Three Aces." (I dunno Skip....ask Joseph Morgan that question and see what happens.)
- "Zito is only 26. He'll be No. 2 in next year's rotation." (So who was first Skip? Let me guess... Joe Blanton? No! Wow, okay Danny Haren? Really? Man I dunno....was iiiiiiit Justin Duchscherer? Come on..you're kidding me! Okay Okay I got it....can't believe I skipped this one. It was Kirk Saarloos....he was the #1. Glad we cleared that up.
- "So go ahead, laugh off this team as too young and powerless. Beane vows it will be his best yet -- if not next season, the next. I for one will not bet against him. You're still playing checkers. He's playing chess." Ladies and Gentleman your 2005 Oakland A's: 2005 88-74 .543 2nd in AL West (missed the playoffs)
Ichiro, VO2 Max, and Endurance...OH MY!
- "This time, I'm prepared for the hail of e-mail. Bring it on, Lance worshipers. Come after me like the rats in "Willard." Yay 2004! Willard was a hit back then!!! Oh, it wasn't??? Hmm, good joke Skipper.
- "Tell me once more that you TOLD ME SO! Tell me this proves yet again I WAS WRONG! Tell me I should finally pull my head out of my, uh, ego and PUBLICLY APOLOGIZE TO LANCE FOR SAYING HE ISN'T THE WORLD'S GREATEST ATHLETE! Not only will I not apologize, but I will repeat with even greater conviction, in a perfectly reasonable tone, that Lance Armstrong is NOT! the world's greatest athlete." Welcome fans to the Skip we know and love today....only took him 3 columns to berate you!
- "Seriously, in their primes, Armstrong was a better all-around athlete than Jordan? Right, and Bill Murray is a better actor than Anthony Hopkins. No one can play that funny-sad Bill Murray character as brilliantly as Murray routinely does. But Hopkins has astonishing range." From the time that Sir AnTONY Hopkins was in Silence of the Lambs until this column in 2004 he was in some of the great movies of all time: Alexander, Hearts in Atlantis, MI: 2, Freejack, The Mask of Zorro, and my favorite.....How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Bill Murray in that same time frame was in: What about Bob?, Groundhog Day, Ed Wood, Kingpin, Wild Things, Rushmore, Charlie's Angels, and The Royal Tenenbaums........that my friends is "range".
- "Frankly, I could name dozens and dozens of "ball" sport stars who were, or are, greater athletes than Armstrong. But for each one, I would receive another 100 e-rants." Skip, if you are reading (and I'm sure you are) I'd like to see this list. P.S.- Here's the definition in case you didn't know: Ânoun, a person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina, or strength; a participant in a sport, exercise, or game requiring physical skill.
Oh man is this a good article. You'll think this especially true when we get to 2006 where he says Lebron is closer to MJ. But it's always good to tell us something we already know (and you will continue to tell us this in 67 articles over 3 years: Lebron v. MJ, Kobe v. Lebron, Kobe v. MJ 2-64. In fact I'm not even going to comment on these quotes.....I'll let you have at them in the comments section.
- Kobe Bryant is a little more gifted athletically than Michael Jordan was.
- You can argue that Kobe is a little better looking
- Kobe would have made a great coach-firing rock star of a tennis player. Unfortunately, the game he chose requires four teammates.
Next up: Today (Tonight)- Best of Skip's Sportsnation Chats 2004, Tomorrow- 2005!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
P.S.- I dare you to find photo more funny than this one to the left....seriously....try it.
Ten sweeping statements for which there is no statistical defense
August 26, 2006; Page P14
Compared to baseball, pro football analysis is still in the Stone Age. From the opening kickoff in the NFL's first game, Miami against Pittsburgh, on Thursday, Sept. 7, to the two-minute warning of the Super Bowl on Feb. 4, you'll hear announcers making sweeping proclamations for which there is no statistical basis. What's the truth about pro football's top 10 cherished myths?