Steve was right. Man, those are really nice tits Phil.

'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.'

Eldrick was worried about the money he could have been saving with Geico (Not seen in your picture).

Must compute joke, might need new hardware, circits are smoking, where's Elin?

What'cho talkin' bout Wilbon?!

Ah - I see Destiny has just entered the room...

"Go ahead, man. I am just WAITING for another idiot like Fuzzy to make a fried chicken comment so I can kick their ass with my good leg. Either that or sic my caddy on 'em"

(assumes Russian accent) "If he dies, he dies."

Did somebody just mention my hairline?

Does Tiger Woods have to choke a bitch?

The more I come here, the more I realize - white people CRAZY!

In the voice of Ivan Drago: I Vill Break You!

Relax, Tiger, we all have that reaction to Dane Cook.

CBS is so excited, CBS is so excited...other golfers are so scared.

This year's Masters is especially captivating. With the economic downturn, Tiger will provide a distraction for all of the executives whose companies can no longer afford to send them on week long golf retreats.

Paddy Harrington? hahahaha.....NO!

Man what is the deal with Kelly Tilghman's voice? I'd hit it though.

what you talkin' about, Willis?

The golf course looks good.
My golf swing feels good.
I like my chances.

I guess I wasn't the first person with the "diff'rent strokes" idea.

Mine:

"What Chu Talkin' About, Vijay?"

Ken Krayeske: "Tiger, considering you're the highest paid golfer in the world and there's a massive budget deficit--"
Tiger: "Not a dime back."
Krayeske: "Not a dime back?"
Tiger: "Not a dime back. I'd like to retire someday."

No, I was not going to name my kid Axel Rose.

Bill Macatee: I will not be hosting Butler Cabin again this year.

Tiger: Yea, I liked Mike Tirico better than you anyway.

What do you mean I could have gotten my wife pregnant again? I did not have time to do anything else.

My middle name is Tont. It is not Tiger. Mike Greenberg's wife is correct.

I do have some good E. I take it every night.

Y'all gotta give me that last comment.

Where is Nick Faldo? I am about to win more the double the majors he did.

Why did Stanford have to lose to UConn by that much?

Somebody just remembered they were in the South...

Someone tell Reilly to put his pants back on.

Tiger's internal monologue: "If this guys asks a question about my knee, so help me God..."

Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, I'm tryin' to get that Oprah... Oprah, Oprah, Paper, Paper!

"Is that Daly? Jesus Christ! I can understand the whole shirtless/shoeless thing when it's your own course, but this is Augusta for Pete's sake!"

"Jesus Christ, is that Daly with his shirt off again?"

Don't even think about taking a picture.

prediction...?

PAIN

yechh! put your shirt on, phil!

Tiger launches a preemptive strike against anyone taking a picture during his backswing.

I just can't do it guys. No matter how much I practice it. I don't know how Stu Scott makes one eye go this way and the other one look straight ahead at the same time.

Hey Stevie...watch me make Jim Gray's head explode with my gaze...

A lot of honkies in here...

"Barack is not very happy either. But he knows my plans work out in the end."

"Cant believe this is just coming out, but.... it's true, I'm not very happy with Mr. Madoff right now."
ptothejizzle.blogspot.com

Who in the bloody hell let Barkley into the tournament?