"Wait... you mean we have to play teams in the SEC not C-USA?" /slowly backs up, starts running

Yes, if Jodie Meeks proves himself, I'll see to it that he's paid just as much as Marcus Camby. Next question.

"Excuse me....but where is the "JC" banner and microphone cover?"

I've always felt that "My Old Kentucky Home" was lyrically superior to "Walking In Memphis".

J.C. "I can't believe that I post a Create the Caption everyday and AA never chooses mine. Am I not funny?"

Yeah, I hate basketball, so what?

Rick Pitino is not walking through that door...because I locked it.

No, I did NOT arrange the murders of the heads of the Five Families in 1949, Senator.

Senator: You will not pay players. Can you say that I have your word on that?

Cal: You can say that because you do.

Clear and Present Danger reference, for those of you that are not familiar.

Yes, Seth Davis will like me even less.

Not a penny back!

No, it is Cal-i-par-i.

Yes, I will go to the Kentucky Derby and get waisted. I am an adult.

No, I am not the next Bear Bryant. I won't leave Kentucky.

I will not be in the remake of Goodfellas, but thanks for the suggestion.

How many of you in here actually have a full set of teeth?

No, this is not the same shade of blue.

Why is the grass not blue here?

No, I won't hit on Jeannine Edwards.

I won't hit on Heather Cox, either.

"So to summarize, for the next 8 years this team will forget how to shoot free throws."

There you go bringing class into it, again.

Monty Python reference

Come see my team. If it not success, I will be executed.

Borat reference

I will buy a Louisville slugger and I won't be afraid to use it.

No, I will not prop up Adolph Rupp and have him act as coach.

I am out of answers already.

Next question.....next question....next question....

While I am at it, we are also in the process of recruiting Jay Cutler....

Calipari: "With my coaching, the Kentucky Wildcats will be the worst free throw shooting team in the NCAA. Thank you all for your patronage!

Yes, I did get paid a shitload of money to come here, and I'm not giving back one dime.
Hey; aren't you the guy that hassled Calhoun?

There are over 30 million reasons why I'm here. Plus, I get to see Ashley Judd in person.

So how much time are you guys gonna give me - One year? Two?

Cal: "There's a Rich Brooks Edition F-150? Someone better make a John Calipari Edition Maybach 62 quick."

...and when my hands are like this, I expect Kentucky co-ed boobage to fill them. It's part of my contract...I only got a little over 32 million!

I'm so excited...I'm so excited...I'm so FREAKING RICH!!

I am not happy with those April Fools jokes. I am and will be the coach of this team.

I have $31.65 million reasons to be alive

Yes, as a matter of fact, Billy did leave me some advice. He told me to actually sign my contract.

"My first contract stipulation was that UK's entire non-conference schedule be C-USA teams...except not Memphis."

John Calipari upon learning of the news that Rick Pitino is now the head coach of Kentucky.

Where is that Kige Ramsey guy at, I love YouTube Sports.

You can tell Obama that the recession is over in the Calipari household thanks to the extremely desperate people of Kentucky.

OK, for the last time, It's a leave-in conditioner, two handfulls of mousse and three dollops of Brylcreem

Wash, Rinse, Repeat. The key is repeat.

Yes, i am here to confirm the report that i was fired during my 7th hour on the job. For every one of these hours, the chemistry just hasn't been right. I have no regrets, but I wish I had won more. Most universities would have waited until the next season started, but kentucky is not most universities. But, I still get paid my contract.

"No, Contrary to some reports, "Blue Chips" was not a biography of my life." (Worldwide Wes snickers from behind the curtain.)

And I can give you 0% financing for 72 months on a new Saturn.