I wish I was joking about that above headline, but according to the Miami Herald, it's true. FOX analyst Jimmy Johnson was all set to go on Survivor, but after one of his physicals revealed a blockage in an artery, he was told to stay home....

The need to compete did sneak up on Johnson in the oddest of ways recently, though. Survivor is one of his favorite shows. And he wanted to be on it. So he went out back on the private beach, Rhonda with the video camera, and explained to the producers why he should be allowed even though he worked for a rival network. He filled out thick files of paperwork and signed contracts. He got his yellow-fever shots. And he was headed to Africa for 45 days of seclusion when the doctor called about some of his tests. One artery to his heart was totally blocked, another blocked 70 percent. He wouldn't be going anywhere. He has lost 30 pounds since. No more big bowls of butter-pecan ice cream before bed. And now the big, bad leader of violent men sheepishly orders the lighter dish when Honeybun says no to the prime-rib wrap.