Aldridge: So you played with the Lakers last season?

Morrison: Yes.

Aldridge: Are you sure you did?

Morrison: Yes.

Aldridge: I don't remember you on the team.

Morrison: Yes.

Aldridge: Do you have any proof?

Morrison: Sure, uh, (starts walking) let me get that proof out of my car (starts running, sound of car burning tires out of the neighborhood).

Morrison: "I said I would only talk to you if Awful Announcing puts my picture in the Create a Caption contest."

Reporter: Do you feel you can still be a major contributor in this league?

Morrison: Sure. Not many guys can be that all important expiring contract tacked onto to a trade that gets some contender the final piece of the puzzle they need to make a run for a title.

I think I annoy people less with shorter hair. Though, I'm sure they still hate my half stache white trash mustache I have going on.

David Aldridge quickly ends the interview upon discovering he wasn't speaking to Kevin Federline.

I prefer to think of this mustache as independent film quality, just to be fair.

AM: Well, David, my long term goal right now is to eventually play in a real NBA game.

who still watches the NBA?

This is actually a video. David has nothing to ask and Adam has nothing to say. It went on for an hour and half before both men just walked away.

I just dunked on LeBron! But they just took the video away... I swear!

Well, yes, Phil did have chronic on the bench that one night but I didn't inhale, I promise.

Yeah it's kind of hard to play when you're stoned. But I never get in the game anyway. I'm pretty high right now actually. That's the only way I can get through these interviews without freaking out because I know I don't belong anywhere near a basketball court at this point in my life. For many reasons.

I'm leading J.J. Redick in the "Most Obscure NBA Career By a High Draft Pick" category by a mile now!

DA: I see you've been given a new uniform.

AM: What do you mean by that?

DA: Well, that doesn't look like the bad suit get-up you wore while sitting behind the bench during the playoffs.

AM: Fuck my life...

AM: Well, I just think everyone played really well and we did what it took to beat the Magic.

DA: What the hell do you mean "WE"???

"Hey Adam, what did you do to your hair?"

"Hey David, what did you do to your career?"

David: "What has happened to your career?"

Adam: "Look who's talking"

David: Any thoughts on being an NBA champion?

Adam: EAT THIS REDICK!!!

AM: (Holds left hip) You see, my method to warming up the bench last season was working the left butt cheek and making my way across the entire bench.

Morrison: "Hey, JJ, tell me how my ass tastes"

"It's been great having Kobe as a teammate. He saw me sulking off after a win over the Jazz and really showed me how I could do it better by being standoffish with teammates, demanding trades, and becoming disinterested in passing."

"So how does it feel to be involved in the blockbuster Shannon Brown trade?"

I feel I'm an important piece of the team. Just this morning, Ron Ron told me that if I kept playing like I was I'd be holding a table leg. I took that to mean that I help hold the team up.