T.O. is standing behind Rosenhaus saying, "Next question" and "Lets move on".

Rosenhaus: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Tony: 16.
Rosenhaus: 18? You're first.
Tony: Mike!!!
Rosenhaus: I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy!

Tony K: Are you listenin'?
Drew Rosenhaus: Yes!
Tony K: That's what I'm gonna do for you: God bless you, Drew . But this is what you gonna do for me. You listenin', Drew ?
Drew Rosenhaus: Yeah, what, what, what can I do for you, Rod? You just tell me what can I do for you?
Tony K: It's a very personal, a very important thing. Hell, it's a family motto. Are you ready, Drew ?
Drew Rosenhaus: I'm ready.
Tony K: I wanna make sure you're ready, brother. Here it is: Show me the money. Oh-ho-ho! SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY! A-ha-ha! Drew , doesn't it make you feel good just to say that! Say it with me one time, Drew .
Drew Rosenhaus: Show you the money.
Tony K: Oh, no, no. You can do better than that, Drew ! I want you to say it with you, with meaning, brother! Hey, I got Bob Sugar on the other line; I bet you he can say it!
Drew Rosenhaus: Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. Show you the money.
Tony K: No! Not show you! Show me the money!
Drew Rosenhaus: Show me the money!
Tony K: Yeah! Louder!
Drew Rosenhaus: Show me the money!

Next question, please!

Next question, please!

Rosenhaus: My client...
Kornheiser: What are you wearing?
Rosenhaus: Huh?
Kornheiser: What are you wearing?
Rosenhaus: [looking down at leather jacket] Um, I'm wearing clothes. I...I don't get the question.
Kornheiser: When you come into my booth looking like you do, you not only insult me, but you insult the integrity of this booth.
Rosenhaus: I apologize, sir, but, uh...this is how I dress.
Kornheiser: The next time you appear in my booth, you will look lawyerly. And I mean you comb your hair, and wear a suit and tie. And that suit had better be made out of some sort of... cloth. You understand me?
Rosenhaus: Uh, yes. Fine, Tony, fine.

Kornhole: "Can you at least tell me if Applebee's still has those riblet baskets?"
Rosenhaus: "In deference to everyone working at that fine establishment, I cannot answer that at this time, nor will I get into a commentary about shitty, cookie-cutter comfort food restaurants."

/apologies for the repost

Mr. Rosenhaus, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Tony: Who's your favorite MNF analyst?
Drew: Toe-knee
(See Drew's use of Lee-Toe Sheppard

Did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic and the Colored boy that went to heaven?

Tony: For a while actually you were running a gym?
Drew: Running a gym?!? You,re suppose to be a news guy, where you getting your Fucking information?
Tony: That's our research
Drew: This is ridiculous, I come on ESPN and the guy doesn't even know what he's talking about. Go ahead.
Tony: So at no point where you running a gym?
Drew: I'm... No, no, running a gym??? What you need a workout or something?
Tony: We need to take a timeout
Drew: Jesus Fucking Christ with these guys
Mike: (screams in horror and disbelief)
Drew: I come on MNF for two seconds and you wanna say... every time I do an interview a guy wants to open his fucking mouth. Cant even do a little fucking routine here.
Tony: Alright Drew thank you very much. We thought you could hold back.
Drew: You know what, go Fuck yourself, Fuck you, Fuck the whole Fucking network
Tony: Alright well go back to talking about Plaxico Burress
Drew: The whole network can go to shit, fuckin jackoff, asshole guy
Tony: And well be back in just a few to fill you in on the Plaxico Burress situation.

So answer me honestly, how scared were you when you jumped over those sharks on waterskis?

Jesus, I know the Jags are desperate, but tell me they're not activating Vinny.

You're with me, Leather....

Kornhole: "One more issue I'd like to bring up more pressing than Plaxico's situation."
Rosenhaus: "Shoot."
Kornhole: "Are you familiar with a recent ornithological piece?"
Rosenhaus: "What?"
Kornhole: "Hmmm. Have you not heard? It was my understanding that everyone heard."
Rosenhaus: "Heard about what?"
Kornhole: "That everybody's heard that the bird is the word. A b-b-b-bird. Bird. Bird. Bird. Bird. Bird. The bird is the word."
Tirico: "Not again."
Kornhole: "A well-a bird. Bird. Bird. Bird. Bird. Bird. Hey! Everybody knows that the Bird is the word."

Tirico is thinking "How the fuck did I end up with these two douchbags? Between Tony's bad jokes and Drew's oiled up hair, I might jump out of this booth."

My hair . . . your jacket . . . Tirico in general. Which is worse?

Kornheiser: All right, Rosenhaus. I don't like you, and you don't like me.
Rosenhaus: I like you.
Kornheiser: Um, all right. You don't like me, but I don't like you.
Rosenhaus: Maybe you would like me if you got to know me.
Kornheiser: What are you, a comedian?
Rosenhaus: Well, I'm no Margaret Cho! But I do a pretty fair Columbo impression.
[Rosenhaus turns his head away momentarily and turns back around.]
Rosenhaus: [doing impression] Eh, one more si...[coughs]...one...I should get a glass of water.

Dr. Kornheiser: Will Plaxico Berries have to go through a rite of patches in order to be play again in the NFL?

Drew: "Uhhhh. . . come on guys. I'm running out of ways to avoid the questions. Cut me some slack."

"My God, this guy's face and hair have to be out of Nightmare on Elm Street. I've never seen anything like this Freddy Kruger shit. No wonder everyone up here is drunk, they can't stand the sight of this guy."

Mike Tirico to himself: "I seriously plan on knocking out the next d-bag who I see with a leather jacket on. This is Monday Night Football, not the local motorcycle parade."

Tirico's inner monologue:

We should have just brought Christian Slater back.

Do you have any idea what Brett Favre thinks of The Penguin Dance?

TK: Drew, we see the story of Plax and the gun and the club, and here is what America wants to know. Brett Favre is an avid hunter and a good marksman. Why didn't Plaxico consult with Brett Favre? Why did he not take shooting lessons from Brett Favre? Perhaps he consulted with Aaron Rodgers and Rodgers, while giving him good advice, could not give him the same level of expertise as Brett Favre could.

Tony: So, where did you get that jacket?
Drew: It's 50% off at Men's Wearhouse
Mike: hmmmmmm, maybe it's not as expensive as it looks.

Next caption, please.

"Tony, for the last time, I'm not Brett Favre's agent! Next question!"

[Rosenhaus is dreaming that he's won a surfing competition]

Tony: Hello everybody! I'm Tony Kornheiser, and I'd like you to meet this young man. His name, Drew Rosenhaus. And Drew, congratulations to you. Things looked kind of rough out there today.

Drew: Well, I'll tell you Tony, I did battle some humongous waves! But you know, just like I told the guy on ABC, "Danger is my business!"

Tony: You know, a lot of people expected maybe Mark "Cutback" Davis or Bob "Jungle Death" Gerrard would take the honors this year.

Drew: [laughs incredulously] Those guys are fags!

Tony: [oblivious] That's fantastic! Let me ask you a question. When you get out there, do you ever fear for your life?

Drew: Well Tony, I'll tell you, surfing's not a sport, it's a way of life, you know, a hobby. It's a way of looking at that wave and saying, "Hey bud, let's party!" [focuses on Tony's sport coat]

Drew: Where'd you get this jacket?

Tony: [evasive] I got this from the network. Let me ask you a question. What's next for Drew Rosenhaus?

Drew: Heading over to the Australian and Hawaiian internationals, and then me and Mick are going to wing on over to London and jam with the Stones! And you guys are invited too!

T: So what, exactly, can you tell us about Plaxico's situation?
D: Well Plax and Gun went to the club to get their drink on. When Plax bent over, gun took over, and OHH!!! He got some lead of his own.
M: DICE! DICE! DICE! DICE! DICE!

Are you or are you not the black angel of death?

Tony: Mr. Rosenhaus, are you mockin' me with that outfit?

Rosenhaus: Mocking you? No, I'm not mocking you.

Tony: Then explain that...outfit.

Rosenhaus: I bought a suit, you seen it. Then Plax shot himself in the leg. I gave him the suit for when he turned himself in to the police. So I had to buy a new suit, except the only store you can buy a new suit in has got the flu. Got that? The whole store got the flu. So I had to get this in a secondhand store. So it's either wear nothing, or this. So I wore this ridiculous thing for you.

Tony: Mr. Rosenhaus are you on drugs?

Rosenhaus: Drugs? No, I don't take drugs.

Joe Hallenbeck: Leather pants.
Jimmy Dix: Yeah.
Joe Hallenbeck: What's something like that run?
Jimmy Dix: Six-fifty.
Joe Hallenbeck: Six hundred and fifty dollars?
Jimmy Dix: Yeah.
Joe Hallenbeck: They're pants.
Jimmy Dix: Yeah.
Joe Hallenbeck: You wear them?
Jimmy Dix: YES.
Joe Hallenbeck: They don't, like, have a TV in them or something?
Jimmy Dix: Nope.
Joe Hallenbeck: I am very old.

So, being the movie buff that I am, would you agree that "Under Siege" was your best movie?

Tirico: "That's a very interesting jacket, Drew. Seems warm, very dark. Probably hard to see at night. Would you say it would be appropriate attire for when I'm in the bushes spying on Lisa Salters this winter?"

Rosenhaus: "Well, due to ongoing legal proceedings, that's something I really can't get into at this time Mike."

Captain Kornheiser: You ever been in an announcing booth before?

Drew: No sir, I've never been up here before.

Captain Kornheiser: You ever seen a grown man naked?

Rosenhaus: If you have no interest in talking about the player, I think I'll just go beyond saying 'next question' and get out of here.

Kornheiser: Fine, but I want that jacket! It's so hip! It's what all the dudes are wearing now, right Wilbon?

Tirico: Ummm...

Kornheiser: What are you rebelling against?


Rosenhaus: Whaddya got?

Tony: To get to the other side!!!!

Capt. Kornhole: Drew, have you ever seen gladiator movies?

Drew: Let's move on. Next question.

Tirico (To himself): I wish Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann and paul Maguire were doing the games instead of being with these douchenozzles.

Drew Rosenhaus, stealing money from young black men!

Tony: Drew, are you aware from the side you look EXACTLY like Doug Flutie?

Rosenhaus reveals he is retiring as a football agent in order to focus on his new role as Pomch in the upcoming "CHiPs" musical.

Wow. That's as good as Jaworski's looked all year!

Drew: "While we don't get cable in hell, we still get some ESPN. Mostly just re-runs of PTI and endless montages of The Two Minute Drill. And, Tony, I'm not sure your miserable soul is worth the career that I, The Prince of Darkness, has provided you".

Tony: Ok Drew, now you try it.

Drew: Your suit is gray not.

So Drew, what can you do for me?

At this exact moment, Tirico realizes what it would be like to actually have two assholes.