"No but seriously Melo, just pull a U-Turn right before you get to the cops checkpoint, and no one will ever suspend you. Ask JJ."

"You guys still have eligibility left, right? There's this great school in North Carolina I'd like to talk to you about..."

After this, Dwayne Wade had to change his T-Mobile Fave 5 again.

Would you guys mind if I replaced CP3 with the obviously more talented Greg Paulus?

"You heard me right. Two inches. Redick's penis is two inches."

Coach K: When paying off refs, Melo, I prefer stacks of unmarked bills left in the refs locker room. How about you, Dwyane?

Dwayne: Hey, right nut!
Coach K: Hey, left nut!
Both: Who's the dick in the middle!

Coach K: So Carmelo, how does your ass taste?

D Wade, sick of checking luggage, trys to convince his pals that 'houseboat' really is the *only* way to travel from game to game

Coach K: "Melo - D-Wade I am thinking of hiring Don Imus as our PR guy....any thoughts?"

"Fellows, stop laughing, my back really hurts! Haven't you heard about the 'three returnees'?" -K

Coach K: "No, seriously, we're going to learn how to play defense on Team USA."

(Duke fan here)

I just cut my first rap album of my inspirational speeches to make sure that my kids go out into the world with a good education and a great headstart on life, I think you fellows would like it a lot.

Welcome to day 1 of practice, fellas. Today we will practice sitting on the bench. You should get used to it.

Coach K: "OK, here's what we're gonna do. On offense, we'll stand around the perimeter and launch ill-advised threes, hoping they'll go in. On defense, we'll just use the time-honored technique of falling over backward when breathed upon. I'm not kidding, guys."

Coach K: Hey...whats that smell??
DWade: God, its awful, it smells like piss!
Melo: I am SO wasted right now.

Seriously coach, you look like a ferret stop makin that face

Coach K: Carmelo, remember when Dwyane needed a wheelchair for a shoulder injury? Hilarious!

It's OK guys, you can admit it. I really do look like a rat.

Coach K again discussing the finer points of flopping "Paulus-Style"

"Think about it, guys. I say the word, Vitale's here in five minutes. He won't even ask what your ass tastes like beforehand."

Coach K: I couldn't find Nubian slaves, but do you think these guys can carry me into the arena?

...Melo, we said to get A TIE

Melo: /giggles

Just thinking about Coach K saying "Dwyane" and "Melo" makes me laugh.

Coach K: Guys, I'm not just preparing you for the Olympics...I'm preparing you for life.

Melo: This shit's gonna lead me to drink some more.

Coach K: Uh, Carmelo. When they said they wanted to talk to Wade and Boozer, I think they meant Carlos and not "the boozer."

Coach K: Which one of you fellows brings in "da noise" and which one brings in "da funk".

No seriously guys, enough with the yo momma jokes

Tonight on "The Wire" Herc and Carv go way undercover to bust a dope dealing olympic athlete.

"Guys, what would you say to a little floor-slapping to boost morale?"

"Whaddaya mean, mannn? I'm in great shape. WHA? My 40 time? Ah man I can down one in like a minute."
-Melo